All language subtitles for Are You Being Served s05e02 A Change Is as Good as a Rest

perfumery, stationery and leather goods,
waste and haberdashery, kitchenware and

food. First

floor, telephones,

gents ready made soon.

Would you all take a seat?

Mr Grace will be down any minute.

What's all this about, Mr Horne? You've
asked the right person. It so happens

that I know precisely what's going on.

Do you mean to tell me that Mr Grace has
taken you into his confidence?

No, he hasn't. I just had a quick look
in this folder here and I know all the

details.

Unfortunately, my lips is sealed.

That is surely in that folder.

I wonder if we're all going to get a
rise.

Or a cut.

Perhaps it's a takeover by the Army and
Navy.

Oh, that should be nice.

Captain, our cheek has bought us all.

Oh, Mrs. Slocum will come into her own
then, won't she?

They like them big in the east.

Can't think of it, she's very big in the
south as well.

Mr. Lucas, just because we're in the
boardroom and on our best behaviour

mean that I won't give you one of the
bracket.

Mr. Granger, can't you control your
junior?

I'm more interested in what is in that
damn folder.

Well, you're nearest. Have a look.

I wouldn't demean myself.

You're next nearest.

I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll keep
Katie for you.

Why me?

Oh, there you are, you see.

When it comes to action, it's all talk.

I shouldn't count on it. He didn't say
much when he got me in the broom

at Christmas party.

All clear.

Mr Lucas.

As a senior staff member here, I must
forbid you to look into that phone.

All right, then.

I'm very sorry, Captain Peacock. I only
read the first line.

Well, what's it all about, then?

Well, Captain Peacock's name was
mentioned, but as I'm not supposed to

it, my lips are filled.

All I will say is that if I've ever been
rude to you in the past, Captain

Peacock, I'm very sorry.

That's all right, Mr. Lucas.

My promotion was not entirely
unexpected.

I didn't see the word promotion.

What word did you see?

Replacement. Replacement!

For you, Captain Peacock.

Good heavens.

Good love.

It's not that bad, is it, Captain
Peacock?

It's worse.

Oh, dear.

Oh, dear, oh, dear.

Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.

Why, what does it say?

I can hear his knees creaking along the
cover.

We're all to be replaced en masse.

That's why we've been summoned to the
boardroom.

Typical.

Typical. Well, miserable old devil.

My horoscope said I was going to get a
new position.

But I interpreted it. quite different
thing.

I have never been fact.

All the years I've worked in shops.

I think we should all resign before we
are dismissed.

I don't think we should do anything
hasty.

Water. Weak as water. That's what you
are. I agree with you, Mr. Granger.

And I am unanimous in that.

Hands up all those who think we should
resign.

Good.

And we do it in alphabetical order.

Brahms. Men first.

Granger.

A very good morning to you all.

What's the matter, cat? Got your
tongues?

Before you say anything, Mr. Grace, Mr.
Granger has a statement to make.

Has he?

Well, what is it then?

Good morning, Mr. Grace.

I'm afraid I must resign.

Oh, well, Ernest, I suppose it had to
come sooner or later.

Make a note of that, Rumbold, and then
tell them what I have in mind.

Mr. Grace has decided in his wisdom that
it would be a good idea if we all

obtained experience of other people's
departments.

To that end, it has been decided that
haberdashery and notions...

should go to bathroom fittings and
sanitary wear, stationery should go to

bedding, and the ladies and gentlemen of
our floor are going to toys. So we're

not going to get the sack after all.

No, on the contrary.

You could be promoted to the position
recently left vacant by Mr. Granger.

I should say he was the obvious
candidate, sir.

Oh, well, Ross, make a note of that, Mr.
Wakefield.

Congratulations. It will also leave a
vacancy in Mr Humphrey's position, sir.

May I apply for that?

Could Mr Lucas step into your shoes, Mr
Humphrey? Oh, yes, he's shown a lot of

promise.

And I do believe in giving young men an
opportunity.

Well, make a note of that, too.

I was under some misapprehension.

I'd like to withdraw my notice.

It's gone down in the minutes, hasn't
it, Miss Beckwell? Yes, ma 'am. Mr.

Rumbold. I'm afraid once it's done in
the minutes, the resignation will have

stand. Surely we don't have to be that
hard on him, Mr. Rumbold? Couldn't he

reapply? I suppose so. Do you want to do
that? Oh, yes, I do.

Wants to reapply, then. Oh, well.

Have we any vacancies?

Young Mr.

Lucas's job is going.

He's a bit old for that, isn't he?

I think we should give him a chance,
sir. After all, he has had a lot of

experience. Very well, very well. Give
him the job.

Welcome to Grace Brothers, young man.

Well done, Mr Granger. And if you work
really hard, maybe in 20 or 30 years

you'll be earning what you were five
minutes ago.

I can watch you go.

We debag the juniors on their first day.

Very well, that's settled. We'll see you
all in toys first thing on Monday

morning.

Don't be late, Mr. Granger. We don't
want a black mark on your first day as a

junior, you know.

Oh, Rob, just look at that big bag.

Oh, I do like that.

Morning,

ladies. Welcome to Toilet.

The fairly timed book is over there. if
you care to try me.

Just a minute, Mr. Granger. Junior's
signed love.

Don't worry, Captain Peacock's going to
have a word with Mr Rumble about your

reinstatement. Yes, providing your
superiors give you a good report.

Where is old Peacock, anyway?

He's here, and I warn you, he's in a bad
mood. They dragged him out on Sunday

morning so he could learn all about the
goods.

Oh, how ridiculous.

What is there to learn about toys?

All you do is bounce them, cuddle them
or turn them on.

Just like girls, really.

I'll give him a chance.

Good morning, everybody.

Good morning.

Oh, here.

Anybody fancy a little early morning
cocoa?

Get off the floor, Mr Harman.

Captain Peacock, now that you're in
toys, you have to learn to develop a

of humour.

Now we're all here, who's going to sell
what?

Well, I think it would be best if I
acquaint you with the general range of

products. And then we can allot
responsibility later.

I dislike children.

I always did dislike children.

I disliked children even when I was a
child.

Well, you played with toys, didn't you?

Well, I remember that I used to make
soldiers out of plasticine and fill them

with tomato sauce.

Whatever for?

So that I could shoot them down with my
air pistol and it made my sister sick.

Now, this area here... Look, if this is
going to be a long do, I want to spend a

penny.

I'll be as brief as possible, Mrs.
Stoker.

Now, this area here is devoted to the
two -to -five -year -olds.

For instance, we have a lot of this sort
of thing.

Oh, what does that do?

It's very exciting when you're two.

Japanese rubbish.

A lot of men in back rooms inventing
that.

I'm sure they do other things as well.

Yes. Well, now, this is a special offer.
The Wibbly Wobbly Playground.

Now, we get the Wibbly Slide and the
Wibbly Roundabout and the Wibbly

Rocker and, of course, the Wibbly Swing.

And with them...

Four wibbly wobblies.

Extra wibbly wobblies are obtainable at
25 pence per wibbly wobbly.

Now, to demonstrate it, one is
recommended to adopt the following

Down the wobbly slide, around the wobbly
roundabout, up and down on the wobbly

rocker. You have to have two or they
won't wobble.

You should know.

Now then, after that, we come to the
grand finale.

Oh, stop it. I can't stand it any
longer.

Titan's killing me. Don't tell me that
they're going to have a wobbly swing.

Exactly. There you are.

How much is that?

3 .75.

Now then, let's see if you've all been
paying attention.

Mr. Humphreys, would you care to
demonstrate?

Let's imagine...

that a small boy between two and five
has just arrived at the counter. Now,

all up to you.

Hello, little two -year -old boy.

Are you interested in Wibbly Wobblies?

Are you?

In that case, you must be five.

Here they are.

Charlie Wibbly Wobbly and his friend,
Roger.

Now, what do they do? They go down the
little chute, on to the Wibbly Wobbly

roundabout, on to the Wibbly Wobbly
rocker. Oh!

Oh, dear, that's upset Roger.

Let's give him a wibbly -wobbly tummy.

He doesn't want to disappoint Charlie,
does he? So they both have a swing on

wibbly -wobbly swings and then sit down
together and discuss how nice it is

living in wibbly -wobbly land.

But little do they know that Spencer the
Spider...

want to frighten the children.

But there is no need to worry, because
Spencer the Spider doesn't really like

the taste of Roger, so he spits him out.

And they all live passionately ever
after for 3 .75.

Which is not bad these days.

Well, now, I think you've all got a fair
idea about that.

Now, over here we have the usual games.

They're all fairly straightforward.

And in this area, we have the mechanical
toys.

Now, this is very popular with children
of three and under.

Why not one to three?

We prefer to call them three and under.

That's so it includes those at nought.

Now, this is called Tuffy Tank, and as
you can see, it's stopped at nothing.

Oh, the same.

I'll bet Roger Wibbly Wobbly would like
a ride in a Tuffy Tank. What is it,

Roger?

more sophisticated children, that is
from five and upwards, we have a very

interesting range of robots.

Now, firstly, we have the television
robot.

Oh, no!

It's Star Trek!

I bet it's a repeat.

And we have this one.

Obviously, it doesn't like television.

It's like the

United Nations.

It is rather exciting, isn't it?

Yes, well, now, over here. Follow me
over here, will you?

In this area here, we have the
mechanical cuddlies.

But they're all dogs.

Is there no demand for mechanical
pussies?

that people prefer the real thing.

Now, to demonstrate, these do almost
everything that real dogs do.

This... Here, this is Daisy the
Dachshund. It walks.

And it barks.

There you are, Mr. Humphreys. Thank you.
Come on, Daisy. Time for walkies.

Here is Daisy's friend, Billy the
Basset.

various dolls, which are, of course, for
the girls.

Not always.

This is a very popular range, Annie the
air hostess. Now, she has a twistable

tummy, bendable legs, and you can
undress her.

I used to live next door to an air
hostess, just like that.

Careful, people.

Will you tell Mr. Lucas to stop looking
up at her skirt? I'm just checking to

see if she's got any knickers on.

I think it would be more appropriate if
the ladies were to deal with the dolls

and cuddlies.

Now then, here we have Playgirl Penny
and her boyfriend, Funtime

Freddy.

As easily, Ben.

Funtime Freddy comes complete with a
shower unit.

Now, he's made of waterproof plastic.

All you have to do is remove his hat,
remove his sweater, then...

You pull down his trousers, take them
off like this, quite easy.

Then you trap his neck in this device
here so that he can't move.

I used to live next door to somebody
that had a shower just like that.

By pressing this button, you give him a
shower.

What will they think of next?

Does he always keep his boots on when
he's taking a shower?

You can call him Funtime Freddy for
nothing.

called Hocus Pocus.

Now, this consists of such things as
itching powder, imitation ink blot,

bombs. Oh, I had them.

I used to let them off in the choir.

They called me Stinky Granger.

No wonder you've been a junior for so
long.

We're also offering this rather
interesting little novelty.

Mrs. Stokum, have you got a penny?

Thank you very much. Now then, watch
this carefully.

Made in Scotland.

What about my money?

You said you wanted to spend a penny.
You just asked.

Over here, we find the more complicated
jars.

Now, these actually talk.

Now, this type retails at £12 .50 and is
made in England.

Now, here we are. Now, watch this.

That one that you're holding, Mrs.
Lowcombe, retails at £6 .50 and is made

India.

My name is Yasmin, and I have just been
to the party.

Yes, Mr. Grace?

How's it going, Rumble?

Well, sir, they've only been at it for
half an hour.

Yes, but bathroom fittings are doing
very well in trousers.

Well, there are one or two customers
about now, sir, so I should think that

lunchtime we should be able to foreguess
the general spectrum of viability.

Yes, I've no idea what you're talking
about.

Keep in touch.

Yes, sir. Oh, and about Granger, sir.

Granger? Yes, sir. He's now the junior.

Oh, Granger the junior. Oh, he's just
come to us from Derry and Tom's, hasn't

he?

That was in 1926, sir.

26? He's a bit old for a junior, isn't
he?

Mr. Granger is over 70, sir.

Over 70 until a junior?

He'd better pull his socks up, or he'll
have to go.

God bless Wales.

Miss Peacock, sir. I'm afraid you've
come... Come through to Gnomeland.

Captain Peacock is just showing a
prospective tenant around the windy

Tell him to come to my office.

Peter Pan!

What is it, Mr. Huntress? Mr. Rumble
wants you.

Can you take over from me?

Captain Peacock, I'm right in the middle
of demonstrating the magic mushroom

tree.

I'll take over.

Enter.

Ah, Peacock.

I just wanted you to know that I'm doing
my best to get Granger reinstated. But

I'm having trouble getting through to
Mr. Gress.

Why, is his telephone out of order?

No, his brain.

By the way, while you're here... I'd
like your opinion. What do you think of

this?

Streetwear?

It's a whimsical novelty, Peacock.

Very whimsical.

I'm glad you like it, because you'll be
wearing it and demonstrating it round

the house.

I don't wish to make an issue out of
this, sir, but if you insist.

I shall be forced to go over your head
and appeal direct to Mr. Grace.

It would be very unwise of you, Peacock,
to question my decision.

Nevertheless, sir, that is what I intend
to do.

Well, be it on your own head.

Come in.

Yes, that's right.

I want a table in the alcove.

I'm expecting a young lady. If she gets
there before I do, give her a drink.

She's a tall, blue -eyed blonde, about
65.

I must go now. I've got a man here with
a propeller on his head.

Miss Grace, I appeal to you.

What do you think about your floor
walkers wearing these?

Well, what does it do?

If you want to get off the ground,
you'll have to get a bigger propeller.

Mr. Rumbold, will you do something about
Mr. Lucas? He keeps filling my tinkling

dollies with fizzy lemonade.

And every time I do the putty
demonstration, they get all covered in

Humphreys keeps coming over and putting
Funtime Freddy in the shower.

I want it clearly understood in front of
witnesses that I am responsible for

bathing Funtime Freddy.

I have just stimulated a customer's
interest in Funtime Freddy. I was

through the demonstration to complete
the sale. I mean, we must have scope.

If she wants to come over and give my
wibbly wobblies a swing, would I

Oh, wibbly -wobbly.

I want a rule that we all stick to our
own counters.

Well, in that case, stop Miss Brown some
overwinding my vibrating bear.

Can't keep her hands off it.

What about him? He keeps crawling under
my counter.

Can I help it if my robots get out of
control?

Have a sensible conversation with that
man.

Did he give you permission to take it
off?

No. The last suggestion was that I
should have put a bigger motor in it and

saved bus fares.

Sorry to interrupt.

I've got a bit of bad news.

We've had a bit of a tragedy with Billy
the Basset. He got a bit too cheeky with

Bertie the Bulldog.

We don't sell Bertie the Bulldog.

No, I know. I belong to a customer.

And as a result of the frack -arse, this
is what happens.

Pleased to see his head again.

By the way, am I covered by insurance
against personal injury from ferocious

pets?

Well, I expect so.

Oh, good. Well, I'll go and fill in the
necessary forms then.

I think that's all right, don't you, Mr
Lucas?

A perfect fit, Mr Alfred.

Would sir mind raising his tomahawk?

Plenty of room under the arms.

The trousers are a bit long.

Indians are wearing them long this year.

This seat is a bit baggy. Yeah, well,
you need them baggy, sir, you see, for

squatting round the totem pole.

It also comes with this simulated
buffalo hide trophy belt. The hooks are

the scalps. Yes.

Would sir be requiring scalps?

Well, I... Scalps, Mr. Lucas? Scalps?
Coming up, Mr. Humphrey.

Here we are, sir.

That's a very late range in scalps. We
call this the Magnificent Seven Range.

That man hasn't got any hair.

That's your brinner, sir.

I'd like to buy a bridal doll for my
little girl.

Certainly, madam.

Brides, Miss Brown.

Will it be a registry office or a church
wedding?

Church, I think.

Oh, you're so wise, madam.

It's so much more romantic, isn't it?

Now, this one retails at £20 .50.

Oh, it's a lot, isn't it?

Ah, well, it comes complete with
bridegroom.

And the full truth, oh, and if you pull
this cord, it talks.

I love you.

I love you.

Isn't that beautiful?

Oh, can't you just picture the scene?

There she stands by the bridegroom.

They're stood in front of the altar. The
organ's playing.

The ceremony comes to a climax.

She turns to him and utters those
immortal words that he'll remember

I want to go to the body.

I see the points are set. Good, yes.

Now check the signals. Right.

All clear.

So...

We're off.

Mr. Granger has sold four of those
already, sir.

I thought he didn't like children.

He doesn't, but he likes trains.

I do hope we can do something about his
reinstatement.

Oh, yes, that was all very unfortunate,
but leave it to me. I'll fix it with Mr.

Grace.

Well, the sales figures are very good,
Rumbles.

Yes, sir. I think the whole staff have
found it very stimulating.

Mind you, they'll be glad to get back to
their own departments.

Yes, of course. Well, it's nearly
closing time. I'll come down and thank

personally. Oh, yes, sir.

Oh, well, about Granger, sir, he didn't
really intend to resign.

Well, I know that. I was just teaching
him a lesson.

Nobody you know is indispensable.

Except her, perhaps, if she goes on
playing her part.

Right, we've got time for one more race
before the shop closes.

All right, Mrs. Slocum's on blue, Miss
Brown's on red, and Mr. Humphreys is on

virgin white.

Oh, yes. No, Fred, it's 50p a knob,
winner take all. They're on to start his

orders. And they're off!

Yay! Oh!

All right, I'll catch up now. Here we
go.

Mrs. Slocum has been oddly pursued,
which hasn't happened for years.

Hello, Mr. Humphreys is a little behind.

Oh, it was a disadvantage.

One after one after one.

Trust him to get it. I know.

It's amazing what you see when you have
a... Good evening, everybody.

Good evening, Mr Grace. Well, I'm glad
to see you've all entered into the

of the thing, especially as the bell
went two minutes ago.

Oh, we must have missed it in the
excitement.

Well, thank you all very much indeed.

You've all done very well.

Thank you, Mr Grace.

Right then, pack up. We don't want to
get locked in all night. Oh, I wouldn't

mind. Hey, I haven't had a go on the
racing cars yet.

Night -night, little wibbly -wobbly.

I'm going to miss you.

Night -night, little tree people.

I'm going to beddy -bye. How do you do
in England?

And, Rover, no barking and keeping
everybody awake.

Who's taking that one home, will you,
Mrs. Slocum?

Well, I have paid for it. I'm sure you
have.

It's just that I've become rather
attached to it.

Shall I tell Granger, sir? Oh, yes, yes.
Put him out of his misery.

The Birmingham intercity special is just
leaving from platform two.

Mr. Granger?

No, not now, not now, Mr. Ruffalo.

He's taking a good strain at any moment.

I've got good news for you.

As for Monday morning, you will once
again be the senior assistant in

Oh.

I see.

Well, aren't you pleased?

Well, I was rather thinking of applying
for another job.

I take it you're not resigning again?

No, but I was hoping I could stay on as
a junior in the toy department. Then I

could go on playing with my trains.

So good, Granger. You've got to grow up
sometime.

Still, we could have half an hour now.

Tell him to keep the store open.

Thank you.