All language subtitles for Are You Being Served s03e06 German Week

Second floor, perfumeries, stationery
and leather goods, wigs and

kitchenware and food going off.

First floor, telephones, gents, ready
-made suits, shirts, socks, iPads,

underwear and shoes going off.

Second floor, carpets, travel goods and
vests, materials or furnishings,

restaurants... Could the Morgan mine
hear him?

Hey, Orin, snuff a load of krauts if us.

That's 100 hats with shaving brushes on
the side.

Tell them you know Captain Peacock.

It's not for us to reason why, Mr
Humphreys. Young Mr Grace, in his

seen fit to mount a sales campaign to
push German goods.

Well, it's difficult enough to sell
English goods without a lot of rubbish

the damn Bosch.

That attitude is not going to help us
very much, Mr. Granger.

We are in the common market, after all,
you know.

I haven't sold one of these for 15
years.

That, Mr. Humphreys, is a dress stick
for evening wear. It's the sort of thing

one carries to the opera.

Yes, I suppose it'd be quite handy to
fight your way to the bar at the end.

Count Poppycock, be getting your hands
off my schnitzel.

Put that away, Mr. Humphreys. It's for
display purposes only.

Here, listen to this. You'll never guess
what the German for cufflinks is. What?

Manschettenknopfler.

I don't expect they'll sell many with a
name like that.

There you are.

Twelve pairs of lever swimming trunks.

Niederhosen. Oh, have you been to
Germany, Mr. Humphreys? Yes, I was there

summers ago, camping.

It's a very hard win. You're wearing
these, you know, but you must never have

them dry clean.

My friend used to just rub his over with
Ronnock.

It is a funny name for a sweater.

Mitt der Hand, a gawasschen.

That means wash by hand.

It's a good job you parleyed the
Deutsch, Captain Peter.

I had to study it during the war.

Ausfod.

I beg your pardon?

Ausfod. What's that mean?

The way out, Mr. Bash.

I suggest you take that one as we open
in a few moments. He ought not to be in

the common market.

I don't trust that Adenauer.

Blimey, he went years ago.

I'm not surprised.

Very shifty -looking fella.

Oh, say, look at this.

Sex unterhosen.

Oh?

I wonder what's in here.

Don't get carried away, Mrs. Slocum.

Unterhosen literally translated means
under trousers.

Untertrausses? Do you mean knickers?

I'm not selling German sex knickers.

Sex, Mrs. Slocum, is the word they use
in Germany for six.

Oh, and what do they use for sex?

Same as they use everywhere else.

All right, I'm going.

Don't worry.

Here you are, Mrs. Slocum.

Twelve brass.

Yeah? I wonder what the German is for
that.

Bustenhalter.

Bustenhalter.

Doesn't it sound crude?

Yes. Come on, let's see what they look
like.

Right.

Bustenhalter. You could carry a lot of
coal in these.

Whatever size is it?

It says here, clean.

That means small.

So well built, those German girls.

Oh, just imagine.

Seven old days of trying to knock this
lot out. It'll be a disaster.

Like that Russian cosmetic week.

It would have gone very well if you
hadn't mixed up the hair lacquer with

underarm deodorant.

It was very embarrassing, it was.

My wife got out of the bath, gave a
couple of squirts under the arm, went to

pull the blind down and was stuck in
front of the window for half an hour.

Well, couldn't you have pulled the blind
down?

No, I was too busy outside sitting up
deck chairs and taking the money.

Mr Mesh.

Ausfahrt.

Schweinhund.

Ah, pleases everyone.

Stand by for the bad rush.

Guten Morgen, mein Herr.

Willkommen zu den Grace Brothers.

What are you doing? What's in his German
phrases?

He'll be clicking his heels in a minute.

Guten Morgen.

Guten Morgen.

Guten Morgen, mein Herr.

Willkommen zu den Grace Brothers. Ah,
Sie sprechen Deutsch.

Ich möchte einen warmen Wintermantel.
Das Wetter hier ist sehr kalt.

a little beyond me there.

We've only just started our German week.

What were you looking for?

I am for a coat looking.

I wish a warm coat because it is cold.

Very methodical, the Germans.

A coat, yes, certainly, sir.

Herr Granger, Rausch, Schnell?

Just like cold it.

This gentleman wants a coat to keep out
the cold.

Oh, yes, the weather has been rather
chilly, hasn't it?

Wie bitter? Oh, absolutely bitter.

Now, we have a range here made in
Bavarian wool. Not Bavarian. We are here

for the buying of the Harris tweed.

But they don't make Harris tweed in
Germany.

I am doing this. That is why we are
here.

But I'm afraid that this week we are
only selling German goods.

Why are the British selling German
goods?

Are you not proud to be British?

Oh, yes, we are very proud to be
British, aren't we, Mr. Humphrey?

Bursting with pride, yes.

Oh, it's coming out all over the place,
Mr. Humphrey.

Aren't you proud to be German?

Of course we are proud to be German.

Well, then why won't you buy a German
coat?

Not a German hat with plenty.

My husband would not wear a hat like
this. That is for the tourists.

You are a tourist.

They are for English tourists.

Are you so stupid to think I will return
to Germany from a holiday in England

wearing a stupid German hat?

Thank you for your pasta.

Silly, bull -necked runt.

German, we got off to a good start.

We could hardly expect to sell it to the
Germans themselves.

But I'm sure we shall have no difficulty
at all in attracting the British

customers. You know, there's only two
things I like about Germany.

Kurt Jurgens and Gorgonzola.

Gorgonzola isn't German.

Oh, well, there's only one thing I like
there. No, no, no, I tell a lie.

I like Irving Berlin.

Kurt and Morgan, uh... Mine and Gennady
gets pushed to... No.

Are you being served?

Just having a look.

So be it.

We've imported some very interesting
German merchandise.

Perhaps I can show you to the ladies,
Captain.

This, for instance.

I haven't worn one of those for years.

Don't you really?

I don't agree with them.

I see.

Well, I...

I take it you agree with these.

I'll take care of this customer, thank
you, Captain Peacock. Now, madam, you're

under no obligation, of course, but may
I draw your attention to this rather

night -lining Westphalian type that have
just come in. We have them in two

shades, have we not, Miss Brown?

Yes, waist and swan, whatever that is.

From the look of it, black and white.

And then we have these... Pig skin
handbags from the Black Forest, not to

mention a line in plastic maps from
Hamburg.

Yes, the Hamburgs are quite nice, but
not really what I'm looking for. What is

Madame looking for?

The ladies.

Turn left at the Ausfahrt.

would have had more consideration than
keep us sitting on our jacksies for the

post -mortem.

Well, I can't wait more than ten minutes
because I'm having a bath tonight.

It's treats?

Well, I can't get the old boiler
working.

Having a bath with Mrs Granger, are you?

I don't find that amusing.

Come to think of it, neither would I.

You know, this sort of thing just isn't
fair on my pussy.

She has a go at the furniture if I'm not
there prompt.

Well, my oven switches itself on at
seven o 'clock.

Well, you're all right then, aren't you?

I'm not. My slippers are in there.

I usually give them five minutes on
regular, too, and then it's just rice

the rice pudding.

Well, Shirley and I are going to the
pictures.

I haven't said yes yet.

I wasn't going to ask you that question
till after we came out.

I don't know. Why are you bother going
out with him at all?

Well, it's either that or taking me
month -washing to the laundry -ette.

I'm not going there again. I've seen
more of your mother's underwear than I

of yours.

Good evening, everybody.

I say, it's very good of you all to
stay.

I don't mind a bit, sir.

Oh, no, of course not.

You all have the good of the firm at
heart.

Well, now, let's get down to it, shall
we?

Haven't you got a chair, Peacock?

Get a chair, Mr. Lucas? I've got one.

Get me a chair, Mr. Lucas.

I hope this isn't going to take long,
Mr. Rumble, because it's very unfair on

Mrs. Slocum's pussy.

I'll be as brief as I can.

It's always a pleasure.

Mr.

Rumbold has asked us to stay behind and
report on the success of the first day

of our German week.

Yes, well now, how did you find it? Mr.
Granger? A complete disaster.

I sold one pair of strumps.

I see.

What exactly are strumps?

It's the dantily name they use for
socks.

That's not very good. No, we'll have to
pull our strumps off.

fare any better, Mrs. Slocum? No.

Everything's still on their Clyde
bugles.

I'm not sure whether that's good or bad.

What are they?

Coat hangers.

That's encouraging to see, or getting a
grasp of the lingo.

Yes, I even know the German for corset.

Excellent. What is it?

Corset.

Spoke with a K.

We're coming along well.

I thought we were here to push goods,
not pick up Jerry words.

What is the departmental total?

I have a summary here.

32 pounds.

32 pence.

Those are my strumps.

Is that all? Good heavens, that's a
disaster. I told you it was.

Well, is that all, Mr. Rumble?

No, no, no, please sit down, Mrs.
Floker.

We've got to work out where we went
wrong.

It's the fault of whose ever stupid idea
it was.

Mr. Rumble's idea.

There's nothing wrong with the idea.

Could be the way you're carrying it out.
I've already noted during this meeting

that the word Jerry has been used.

Do I detect an anti -German feeling?

Yes.

Some of us have long memories, you know.
I haven't forgotten being flung flat on

me back on Clapham Common by a landmine.

responsible. All the other times she was
flat on her back, the American Air

Force was responsible.

That's it. I'm done.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Logan. It was just a
joke. I was very joking.

Very poor taste.

That's the sort of thing I have to put
up with all day long. You want to tell

him off.

You're reprimanded, Mr. Lucas, and
that's official.

I'm sorry, Mr. Rumbolt. I didn't realise
it was going to be taken quite as

seriously as that.

Now then.

Oh, where are we in our conference?

Mrs. Slocum was remembering being flat
on her back on class.

Can we knock it off, please? She even
remembers what she said.

If I could just bring us back to the
point.

Oh, please do.

Now, I feel there's a certain amount of
resistance on the part of our customers

to German goods.

I've paid up with the way the papers
keep on about how hard the Germans work

how well they're doing.

They're too damn cocky, in my opinion.

We did win, you know.

A long time ago. Today, we're supposed
to be on the same side.

Yes, now let's examine this whole German
operation step by step. Or goose step

by goose step.

First, is there anything wrong with our
display?

Well, I think we've gone far too far.

I mean, those signs, for instance.

When a customer sees exit and entrance,
he knows where he is.

What goes through his mind when he sees
Einfahrt and asks for it?

trying to create an atmosphere.

One dear old lady customer of mine got a
terrible shock.

She was caught short and walked straight
through the door marked Heron.

You should have directed her to the door
marked Darman.

I didn't have time. She saw the word
Heron was off.

And I'm here to tell you that she won't
make the same mistake again.

There was certainly nothing wrong with
the goods. They're all first class, hand

-picked by myself.

With respect, Mr. Rumbled, and I think
I'm unanimous in this, you've laid your

hands on some very coarse Boston
halters.

Perhaps we need to make the German brand
image a happier, jollier affair to

counteract memories of the past.

And how are we going to do that?

Well, perhaps a little music and a wine
bar with German serving wenches in

traditional costumes.

Trust him to come up with that one.

I like what I'm hearing. I think we're
on the right track. Yes, we could turn

the old department into White Horse Inn
and have Captain Peacock dressed up as

the student prince.

Yes, I like what I'm hearing. I think
we're on the right track.

Yes, indeed.

I think Mr. Rambold ought to dress up as
something.

Yes, wasn't Frankenstein a journey?

I wouldn't be able to take part, of
course, in case I was summoned to a

meeting. But I don't see why Captain
Peacock shouldn't participate.

I can think of lots of reasons why I
shouldn't participate.

Somebody has to have authority on the
floor, and these clothes that I wear

symbolise that authority.

Why don't you dress up as Hitler?

You know, I'm sure we're absolutely on
the right track. I shall put all these

ideas that I've had in front of young Mr
Grace and see what he thinks.

Let me say here and now that I am not
going to dress up as Hitler.

Of course you're not, Captain Peacock.
We shall just have to find something

gives you the appropriate air of
authority.

Mr. Grace, Rumbold here.

Rumbold, yes, sir.

We used to have a Rumbold in charge of
the third floor.

I am Rumbold in charge of the third
floor.

Oh, good. I'm glad you're back with us.

It's about the German week, sir.

Ah, yes, sir.

How's it going?

Well, the figures are a little better
today, sir.

Sixty -four pence.

Another pair of strumpets.

Yes, well, of course, I realise there is
room for improvement.

And I have put into force the proposals
I put to the board meeting yesterday.

What were they?

to make the German brand image a
happier, jollier affair.

And to that end, I've arranged for my
staff to stay behind and to demonstrate

the sort of thing I suggested.

Well, what's that?

Well, perhaps you could come down and
have a look.

Well, I hope it won't take long. I
always go to the club on Tuesday

Oh, yes, the bridge club.

No, no, no, the strip club.

Oh, yes, of course.

By the way, I've arranged for my
secretary to hand out the drinks at the

bar. Oh, well, that's the one with the
nice legs.

I'll come down as soon as I can.

I thought you would.

I brought you a glass of the German wine
to try, Mr. Rumble.

Excellent.

How do you find the costume?
Comfortable?

the blouse should be a bit lower.

I doubt it.

Don't lean over too much.

I'm sure the bodice could be a bit
tighter, you know.

Do you think you could put your finger
on the knot for me, please?

You could just put it about there,
that's it.

Could you push harder, otherwise it'll
all fall apart.

Enter.

I seem to be caught.

Call back later.

I mean, Miss Thorpe wasn't tight enough
and I was just helping her.

Oh, I see.

Shall I have to do it again, sir?

No. I'll come back later.

I'll have one more go.

Oh!

Done it.

Well, I know it's after hours, sir, but
if you've quite finished, I'd like to

have a word with you.

Yes, yes.

Go and attend to your stand.

Yes, sir.

Now, what is it, Peacock?

Peacock. During our discussion, you
didn't tell me that my costume would

the appropriate air of authority.

I'm getting a lot of air, but very
little authority.

Well, you have my permission to wear a
bigger brush in your hat.

Thank you, Mr. Rowan.

Now, young Mr. Grace will be coming down
soon to give us the go -ahead on the

project. The sooner the better.

Mrs. Slocum has spent the last 35
minutes in her fitting room sampling the

German wine.

You'd better get back there.

Yes, sir.

Quarterman.

What's that strange creaking noise?

My trousers. They're not run in yet.

Yodel, odel, odel, odel, odel, odel,
odel.

I

can't

think why, but my eyes are watering.

Come on, come on, Rumpelstiltskin,
there's no...

bockers since I was 11.

You've forgotten to put your shoes on.

My feet have been giving me hell after
all that dancing.

I'm putting my foot down. The dance is
out.

I can't see that being dressed up like
this is going to attract customers.

Oh, it will.

Mind you, they'd be the wrong sort.

On the other hand, that might attract
some customers.

Listen, I don't know how to wear my
braces.

Should they be like...

You've got a problem there.

Well, you're not supposed to be men. You
should know.

We haven't got the same problem.

Why don't you leave them off altogether?

If I did that, me trousers would fall
down.

That could be the gimmick we're looking
for.

No, you don't. You're the right fairy.

Aren't you the lucky one?

I think this hat's too tight.

It's making me feel quite giddy.

Oh, oh, you can only see yourselves. You
look absolutely ridiculous.

I think this wine is very inocuous.

If you want to watch it, it creeps up on
you.

Must make you so overtaken.

Miss Brahms, come here, come here.

You ought to wear your braces like I do.

It's more feminine.

Here. You haven't been at the wine, have
you?

Because you're swaving about a lot.

You have to control yourself.

Ah, well, in for a fennick, in for a
pound. We might as well all have one.

Drink, drink, drink.

Do I use it up right?

And there's the profit on the strump.

Oh, magnificent.

You all look quite authentic, especially
the ladies.

Twiddle his knob, somebody. It's out of
focus.

I see what you mean. I think I'd better
go and wait at the lift for young Mr.

Grace. Yes.

Ladies, everyone.

Captain Peacock, are you free?

Well, of course I'm free. We're shut.

Well, I wish to tell you on behalf of my
colleagues and myself that we shall not

do this dance.

Yes, well, in view of Mrs. Slocum's
condition, I'm inclined to agree with

knew it was a waste of time re -earthing
it.

What, what, what, what?

They don't! They don't want to do it.

Somebody should do herself a mischief.

Once that lot starts wobbling, you'll
never stop it.

She's coming.

Please, everybody.

She's here.

Rumpold, who are all these damn Germans
in the lift?

Excuse me a moment, sir.

Peacock, I want to work with you. Yes,
sir.

Who are all these damn Germans in the
lift?

The German band that you ordered to play
for the German dance.

Yes, of course.

It's a German band, sir. You agreed to
it while you were having your nap at the

meeting. Oh, yes.

And we thought we'd start... by offering
our customers a glass of wine. Would

you like to try it, sir? Oh, how very
kind.

Nice to see you, Mr. Grace. Good
evening, sonny.

Thank you, Miss, my dear.

I work under Mr. Rumble.

Ah, you're doing very well, I'm sure.

I hope he likes it all.

I think I should tell you now, sir, that
we're not doing the dance.

But you've got to do the dance.

The answer is no.

But I've paid for the band. It's more
than my job's worth. I'm sorry, sir.

If I topple Peacock, I'll drag you down
with me, and you'll get nowhere without

a reference.

The men are behind me, sir.

True.

Well, let me put it like this. If you
don't do the dance, I shall stop the

for the band out of your wages.

Well, do the dance.

Oh, I only just remember I've done half
of it already.

What is happening, Mr. Peter?

Well, sir, this is the general
atmosphere that the customers will

then from time to time, to attract
attention, we shall break into a good

-natured German folk dance.

But I don't suppose you want to bother
with that now?

Well, I might as well have my money's
worth.

Yes, well, after all, it is your money.

Places, everybody.

Oh, I'm going to do it now?

Yes, Mr. Peter, come on, pay attention.

German band ready?

Ready when you are, mate.

Three, and...

I was gentle. I just went like that.

You did not. You went like that.

I did not go like that.

Well, next time, I shall go like that.

In that case, I shall go like that.

Two can play in that game.

This has been a great eye -opener to me.

Yes, it will, sir.

Apart from that last unfortunate
incident, what did you think of it?

Well, um...

I'd like to thank you all for making up
my mind for me, and Grace Brothers is

coming out of the common market. Ah,
blimey, we're just about to enjoy

as well.

All together, and...