All language subtitles for Are You Being Served s03e05 Wedding Bells

First floor, perfumery, stationery and
leather goods. Wigs and haberdashery.

Kitchenware and food going off.

First floor, telephone, gents, ready
-made

suits. Shirts, socks, high -pads,
underwear and shoes going off.

Are you being heard?

Well, I was looking for a sweater,
actually.

Is that me, sir?

Mr. Granger, are you free?

I'm sorry, Captain Peacock.

I'm in the middle of a boulder hat.

Sir Lucas, is Mr.

Humphreys free?

Yes, Mr. Granger, Mr. Humphreys. Are you
free, Mr. Humphreys? I'm free, Mr.

Lucas. Mr. Humphreys is free, Mr.
Granger. Thank you, Mr. Lucas, Captain

Peacock. Yes, Mr. Granger. Mr. Humphreys
is free. Thank you, Mr. Granger.

Mr. Humphreys is free, so he'll attend
to you, sir. Mr. Humphreys, forward.

Thank you, sir, sir.

Thank you, madam.

The bill is inside, and if the doorman
doesn't give you every satisfaction,

please bring it back, because we're only
here to be of service.

Well, it had got to be half past nine,
and I was all dressed up, and he still

hadn't arrived.

He stood you up.

Men don't stand me up, Miss Franz.

Oh, no.

No, I expect his car had broken down. It
did the last time we had a date.

Oh, and he apologised most...

Humbly, when I bumped into him a week
later.

Oh, so you're all dressed up and nowhere
to go.

No, no, no.

Mrs. Axleby and I went down to the
pally. It was the over -25 night.

Oh, did you pick anybody up?

We didn't go for that, Miss Brown.

So, I mean, did anyone come up and ask
you to dance?

Oh, no, I don't encourage that sort of
thing.

Anyway, I didn't like the look of any of
the men there.

So after we stood by the dance floor for
about 20 minutes, sussing it out, you

know, we went into the bar.

Oh, you didn't get sloshed again?

Certainly not.

We just had a few gin and tonics.

Only one of the tonics I had must have
been banned.

They are sometimes, you know.

But anyway, I came over all dizzy.

Mrs. Axe will be out to put me to bed.

Oasis! Oasis!

Here we are, Mrs. Sluggan.

Twelve pairs of 30 denier types.

Unlucky for some.

Twelve padded bras.

Who's kidding who?

And finally, 24 pairs of novelty briefs
known to such common persons as myself

as naughty knickers.

What are you talking about, Mr. Mash?

Here. Look at that.

Oh, it's got writing on.

Oh, what does it say, Miss Brown?

If you can read this, you're too close.

How disgusting.

It's true.

What about Emily?

Handy.

And then there's these coming four
models.

Hello, cheeky.

I love Elvis.

Your flies are undone.

And no parking.

Did you ever see anything like it in
your life?

My boyfriend bought me a pair of those
once, but I wouldn't wear them. Oh, what

did they say?

In case of emergency, pull down.

That must be worth a five -pound fine.

That'll be quite enough of that, thank
you, Mr. Mash.

Captain Peacock!

Are you having trouble, Mrs.

Slocum? I certainly am, Captain Peacock.

I can only give you a moment. I have to
see Mr. Rumbold.

I absolutely refuse to display these.

Well, you're not being asked to wear
them, are you?

Certainly not. I wouldn't put them on
for a thousand pounds.

How much would you take them off for,
then?

Mr. Marsh, get back to your basement.

Oh, I see.

Worker's not allowed to have a sense of
humour, eh? Eh? Eh? Good.

Marvellous. Anyway, mate, we have our
laughs. Don't you worry.

You want to see what they've written
about you on the walls of our carsies.

Now, see here, Captain Peacock.

I refuse to have anything to do with
these vulgar garments.

They're not that bad.

Progress has to march on, Mrs. Stoken.

Not wearing those, it doesn't.

I have to remind you that you are all
paid to sell the goods purchased by the

buying department.

And if I don't?

No one is irreplaceable.

You're not going to stand for that, are
you? I very nearly said something very

cutting and rude, I can tell you.

I bet. What are you going to do about
it?

I have a good mind to hand in me
resignation.

You... Don't talk not for that.

Oh, it's you, sir.

Definitely you, don't you think so, Mr
Lucas?

Yes, it's definitely the customer.

It seems a little tight to me.

They are being worn tight this year,
sir.

Particularly that one.

I wanted it for golfing, you see. Ah,
well, it'll be very good, sir. Keep your

arm stiff, you see.

Why don't you try a swing, sir?

You have a lovely movement there.

Yes, well, I do have a very small
handicap.

Oh, do you?

You'll probably find a pair of tight
trousers to go with it.

It grips me under the arms.

Yes, well, there's a lot of tension in
that Shetland wool, sir. Yes, it's the

nervous sheep, you know. They live near
a fire in there.

Thank you, Mr Lucas. Why don't you try
another swing, sir?

Well, it's very good for driving. How is
it for putting?

It's pulling.

Perhaps it's the way you were holding
the club, sir.

What you must remember, sir, is it will
stretch after the first wash.

I thought wool always shrank. No, no,
that's a popular misconception, that,

I mean, you only have to think about it
to see it couldn't possibly be true.

Otherwise, every time it rained, the
sheep would get smaller, wouldn't they?

No, I definitely need the next size.

We haven't got the next size.

We must have the next size.

We've only got a 48.

That's the next size. Next size.

There we are, sir. How's that?

Where's he gone? Oh, me.

There, sir.

Well,

there's not much in it, really.

Don't you think it's a little long?

Well, they are being worn long this
year, sir.

It'll be very good for your handicap.

What you must remember, though, is it
will shrink after the first wash.

I thought you said wool doesn't shrink.
Ah, that's pure wool. You see, this is

half wool and half extruded man -made
fibre.

The extruded bit shrinks in hot water.

The man -made bit shrinks in cold water.

In fact, sir, there's no point in
wearing it at all until you've washed

All right, all right. I'll take it.
Hail, Mr. Lucas. Oh, it's a very dear

Mr. Humphrey.

Let me help you out of the small ones.
Oh, thank you. Yes, would you?

Are you all right in there, sir?

I'm stuck.

Mr Humphreys, would you mind holding the
gentleman's rear while I pull from the

front?

Pleasure, Mr Lucas.

It's like pulling a Christmas cracker,
isn't it?

I wonder who's going to get the novelty.

attending to you, sir?

They are looking for my very expensive
undetectable hairpiece.

We're having a bit of trouble detecting
it.

Perhaps it's in the jumper.

Should we comb it now, sir, or after you
put it on? Give it to me.

Oh, takes years off you.

Is it all right?

Yes.

Not quite as undetectable as it was.

What other colours did they have?

Yes, I certainly made my point, Captain
Peacock.

I'm having nothing to do with those
things, I said.

Well, he must have told Rumbold because
he's bringing him over.

Oh, he wouldn't sneak, would he? Well,
Rumbold's looking very ugly.

Yes, well, look at the start he's got.

Mrs. Slocum, Miss Browns, one moment,
please.

Yes, Captain Peacock?

Mrs. Slocum.

Something quite shocking has come to my
ears.

I thought that happened when he was
phone.

I'm afraid I had to tell Mr. Rumbold
about your insubordinate attitude.

There are some knickers that I will
display and some that I won't. And those

won't are staying in me drawers.

I see.

And Miss Brahms backs me up in this,
don't you, Miss Brahms? Yes.

and Mrs. Flocombe feels so strongly
about it, she's prepared to resign.

Is this true, Mrs. Flocombe? Well, what
I meant was that I shall have to

consider it very carefully.

Very well. But I haven't had time to
consider it yet, have I? And I do think

that someone with my excellent sales
record should be allowed some discretion

to the stuff I push.

Don't you agree with me, Mr. Granger?

If you want my opinion, you've been
nothing but trouble since you put foot

this floor.

You two -faced old crub.

I take it that you don't support Mrs.
Slocum, Mr. Granger. If she wants to

resign, let her.

We can do with that space to expand our
trousers.

Our trousers have been rather restricted
since the ladies arrived, haven't they?

Oh, bursting at the seams, Mr.
Humphreys, yes.

That area has been devoted to our
trousers for over 25 years.

Yes, in those days, before the daisies
arrived, it was known as bargain bags.

Now they're here, it still is.

One must say, in Mr Granger's defence,
that his sales have gone down since the

ladies took over half the floor.

Perhaps, because he's a bit past it.
Past it!

Past it! A glass of water for Mr
Granger. A glass of water coming up.

Tell that woman I'm severing my
connections.

Should I cancel the glass of water,
then?

You know, I really don't know why Mr
Granger's blowing off at me.

I mean, it wasn't my idea to move into
his trousers.

Yes, he's being uncommonly rude.

It was a great shock to Mr Granger to
suddenly find ladies in his trousers.

Wouldn't have been so bad if it had been
sports equipment.

I had no idea that Mrs Slocum's
underwear was causing so much friction.

Neither did I.

Anyway, I could easily get a top job
somewhere else, you know.

Harrods have been making some very
interesting overtures. What for? The

department?

I also have very good connections with
Marshall and Snowgrove.

And the beauty department at Swan and
Edgar's have made me a very interesting

offer. What was it? A free facelift?

No, let's... I'm going.

Mr. Granger, don't stop her.

Oh, no, I was just going to ring for the
lift.

You can't go without your hat and coat.

I'm not going outside.

I'm going up to see young Mr. Grace.

I'm going to put my points before him
personally.

Good morning, Mr. Stoker. Good morning,
Mr. Grace.

Good morning, Mr. Grace.

May I say, Mr. Grace, that it does our
hearts good to see you looking so

flamboyant. Thank you.

Is there something I'd like... I'd like
to show you, Mr. Grace. Yes, yes.

We don't want a scene here. Keep him
talking.

May I suggest one of our silk
handkerchiefs for your top pocket?

That's quite a good match. I think
you'll agree.

What do you think of that, Mr. Grace?

Oh, I prefer it.

Of course.

I have an announcement to make. Quiet
for Mr Grace.

You may all be surprised to know that I
have been a widower now for 40 years.

I did not see my day too bad.

Yet there's somebody here in Grace
Brothers who I've had my eye on for some

time.

I'm sure, sir, that any lady who's
attracted your attention must have great

quality, Mr. Gray. She will indeed be a
lucky lady, sir.

Yes, she'll have lots of lolly and all.

And she won't have long to wait for it.

To sum it up, the maximum of one thing
and the minimum of the other.

May we be permitted to know the name,
sir? No, no, no. I prefer to keep that a

secret until I've told it my intention.

Well, that shouldn't take long.

But I shall reveal everything to you
shortly.

Oh, we'll look forward to that, Mr.
Graham.

Will you give me your arm, Mrs. Slocum?
I'd like to have a word with you in

private.

How long have I known you now, Mrs.
Slocum?

Oh, since I was a junior here, Mr.
Grace.

Ah, yes, yes, a very long time.

Well, we can't discuss it here.

Perhaps you would have tea with me in my
office this afternoon at, say, four o

'clock.

I want to talk about a ring.

A ring?

Well,

carry on, everybody.

You've all done very well.

A ring?

A ring.

He's going to propose.

If she marries him, she'll be in charge
of the whole store.

Yes, after that tis was this morning, it
looks as though Mr Granger's going to

lose his trousers altogether.

Not to mention us, our jobs.

She'll be the power behind the throne.

I never like to think of people having
power there.

Oh, Mr Slocum, we all heard that. Does
that mean you and him are going to

We don't wish to make any comment at the
moment.

Just get me a chair, Miss Brown. Yes, Mr
Slocum.

I'm sorry about our little
misunderstanding, Mrs. Slocum, but I was

my duty.

As a matter of fact, when I spoke to Mr.
Rumbold, I did say that my sympathies

lay with you.

But it was you who said we'd better put
her in her place.

Yes, sir, what I actually said was there
should be a better place for us to put

her in.

No hard feelings, Mrs.

Slocum.

I have never seen so much crawling since
the last time I was at the reptile

house in the zoo.

That'll do, Miss Brahms. Just because
Mrs. Slocum's going to marry the head of

the firm, you're getting all smarmy.

Have a sweet, Mrs. Slocum.

No, thank you, my dear.

I have to think of my figure for a
little longer.

Besides, I haven't actually said yes
yet, you know.

One has to weigh up the pros and cons.

Well, he's very old. I mean, he's past
it.

Yes, I'm not sure whether that's a pro
or a con.

Anyway, he's not all that old. I mean,
he's only about 70.

Well, he certainly doesn't look 70.

No, he looks about 85.

Besides, they have nothing to do with
it.

I wonder where he's going to take you
for honeymoon.

They have a lot of earthquakes in Japan.

What's that got to do with it? Well, get
into a nice hotel, get him in the

bridal suite and wait for a tremor.

Make up your mind. Do you think he's
going to pop the question?

And if he does, Mrs. Slocum, what's the
answer going to be? I shall have to

think about that very carefully. If you
have any bother, you must do. He loves

me, he loves me not with your tea bags.

Oh, but my hair's an absolute sight.

I wonder if I could get an appointment
up in the Continental Beauty Salon with

Madame Beryl.

Of course, it would mean having an ex...
for long lunch break.

No, I'm sure that'll be quite in order.

Those decisions are mine, Captain
Peacock.

Take as long as you like, Mrs. Lurken.

Don't worry about your lunch. I'll send
you down a bit of fairy cake.

Yes, you will.

You don't want your tongue to rumble
just as you're about to say. This is so

sudden.

But what am I going to wear?

I mean, I must look me best.

The full facilities of my department are
at your service, Mrs. Lurken.

She hardly likes to get proposed to
wearing a three -piece suit.

I was referring to our superior kitchen
room with two -way mirror.

I beg your pardon?

What Mr Granger really meant was the
mirror you can see back and front in at

same time. Comes in quite handy
sometimes.

I'm not sure that Mr Rumble would
welcome your choosing any garment from

ladies' department.

Of course, I was about to say that.

Oh, how...

Of course, I would have to choose
something suitable to the occasion.

How about opportunity knocks?

Past past three and Mrs. Slocum's still
not back from lunch.

She is a very dear person, you know,
Stephen. I'm very fond of her.

Oh, so am I.

By the way, has young Mr. Grace any
living relations?

Only old Mr.

Grace, because he doesn't get about very
much. Well, in that case, she stands to

cop the lot.

Yes, she is a very dear person.

You never told me how the party went.

Oh, the fancy dress party the other
night. Oh, I can't speak about it. Oh,

on, force yourself.

I bet you had the best fancy dress
costume there. Well, it was a stroke of

genius to go as the Red Shadow.

I've been wondering what to do with
those curtains from the guest bedroom.

I suppose you used a touch of the old
cocoa to black up and stain the face.

Certainly not. I used overnight tan.

It wasn't quite dark enough, so I stuck
my head in the oven for five minutes on

regular, too.

I bet you felt like Lawrence of Arabia.

I did.

And I took my slippers, my bedroom
slippers, and I held them over the gas,

pulled the toes out to a point and
curled them up. Just like the real

Oh, brilliant. And if anyone else had
gone as the Lawrence of Arabia, you

have said you were Ali Baba and you'd
left your pots outside.

Alas, I shall never know who went as
what.

What do you mean? Well, my minicab broke
down, didn't it, and I had to walk.

I couldn't remember the address, and I
had no idea where the flat was, and I

knocking on doors at random.

Oh, so there you were in your curled -up
slippers with your best curtain

material, feeling desperate.

Until two policemen threw their arms
round me.

You found the fancy dress party, then?
No, but you try walking round Golders

Green at midnight dressed as an Arab,
knocking on doors.

I was escorted home in a police car for
my own safety.

Ah, what an anticlimax.

Well, not really. One of them stayed for
sherry and showed me how his handcuffs

worked.

Are you being fair, sir?

No, but I would like to see some
trousers.

Mr. Granger, are you free?

I'm afraid not, Captain Peacock. Mr.
Locus, are you free?

I'm free, Mr. Granger.

This way. Thank you.

Mr. Granger, why did you say that you
were not free?

Because I'm waiting to tell Mrs. Slocum
how nice her hair looks. How nice your

hair looks, Mrs. Slocum.

It's lacquered solid.

I've asked him for the commissionaire,
not the peacock, is that?

Mrs. Slocum, it's wonderful.

I'll bet it with me.

Oh, a mere trifle, dear. I signed the
bill.

Oh? Well, put out the dress that she
wanted to try on.

I'm afraid I shall have to leave you in
charge, Miss Brown.

Maybe Miss Brown will have to get used
to that.

Well, I shall certainly put in a good
word for her.

Oh, and that's a common colour when you
get it in the light.

Oh, now, that's rather nice.

And Brown...

dignified, isn't it?

Yes, and it doesn't show the gravy.

Our superior fitting room is over here,
Mr. Slocum. Your kindness to me will not

go unnoticed, Mr.

Granger.

Your tie's crooked, Mr. Humphreys.

Oh, you know, this whole department's in
need of redecoration.

I can't abide Mackie Paints.

Nothing, Mrs. Slocum. You wait till the
honeymoon.

I think I'll make use of my own
facilities, thank you.

Captain Peacock.

Yes, Mr. Humphreys. You're a man of the
world.

In your wide experience in these
matters, do you think they're going to

go of it?

Putting it bluntly, Mr. Humphreys, I'd
say that neither of them is in a

to be very choosy. I can't think what's
come over the old boy.

Well, perhaps he doesn't want to die,
uh, unprogenitated.

That would be a most unfortunate thing
to happen.

I mean, perhaps he wants to have
somebody ready to take over, like, like

Peron when her junta collapsed.

That can be nasty, too.

And if you ask me, I think she'll have
her hands full.

Yes, indeed, Mr. Slocum.

Well,

it's a trifle formal for afternoon tea,
doesn't it?

I'm not going to wear it this afternoon,
but I couldn't resist trying it on. It

makes me feel all young and innocent.

A remarkable garment indeed.

Mr. Slocum, quarter to four. Time to put
your afternoon frock on.

La -da -da -dee.

Oh, be still, my fluttering heart.

That wind from your fairy kite.

Well, it looks as if she's made up her
mind. In five minutes' time, she'll be

in Mr. Grace's office.

I wouldn't mind being a fly on the wall
up there.

I can tell you exactly what you'd see.

Tea for two, a silly old muffin and a
tired old bit of crumpet.

Come in.

Where are the rings you wanted to have a
look at, Mr. Grace? Ah, thank you, Miss

Robinson.

Where's the tea?

Just coming, Mr. Grace.

Come in. Come in.

Who may not meet?

No, no, no. The tea's not arrived yet.

Do sit down.

You know Miss Robinson of the jewellery
department.

Maria and I are old acquaintances.

Oh, that'll be the tea. Come in, come
in.

There you are.

Nice pot of rosy leaf, Mr Grace.

And your usual muffin and crumpet.

Oh, they're nice rings, aren't they, eh?

Pick a big one, darling. Enter.

Pick the honeymoon suite on the ground
floor.

One flight of stairs, he won't be able
to get his breath back until after

breakfast.

I expect you wonder why I asked you to
come and have tea with me, Mrs.

Slocum. Well, a girl doth have an
inkling, you know.

A what?

An inkling.

What's that?

Well, it's what a girl has when there's
something special in the air.

Oh, you mean like hay fever,
something... Shall I pour?

Yes, please do.

I expect you think I'm an old fool
getting married again at my time of

the contrary, Mr. Grace.

You're very young in spirit, and you
need someone to take you out of

Well, I mean, you never go on holiday,
do you?

Oh, no.

That's true.

Of course, I do realise that it's very
difficult for a man in your position.

I mean, supposing you were to take your
yacht into the Carabino, he'd have all

the...

over you just because you're rich.

Would I?

And they're only after one thing, you
know.

Are they?

Whereas if you're married to a wife
who's devoted to you, you'll always have

someone at your side and be protected
from all that.

Someone to help you through your
troubles.

Help you through life's weary problems.

cherishing each other when you're thick
and all that sort of thing.

I'm very grateful to you, Mrs. Slocum.
You've helped me make up my mind.

I brought you here to choose a ring. Oh,
Mr. Grace.

That big one.

It's for Miss Robinson, you know, the
jewellery department.

I've had my eye on her for some time.

Almost two months.

Miss Robinson?

But now you've spoken to me, you've put
me right off the idea of marriage.

But that was the last thing I wanted to
do, Mr Gray.

Well, it's very kind of you, Mrs Slocum,
and you must help me again sometime.

Oh, it's always a pleasure.

When you come to my time of life, you
need the help of an older woman.

Senator, feel free.

You haven't drunk your tea.

I don't think I fancy it now.

Well, take a muffin in case you feel
like it later.

You're too kind.

Well, is there anything else?

I don't suppose there is.

Oh, Mrs.

Slocum. Yes, Mr. Grace.

Ask the newsstand to send me up the
yachting news, will you?

Past closing time. You may go if you
wish.

None of us are going till we've found
out what's happened.

Maybe he had the vicar upstairs in his
office.

A friend of mine did that once, you
know. He had a small section of the

hidden behind the curtains.

It was very moving.

Here she is.

Doesn't she look radiant?

Well, uh...

Tell us everything that happened.

Well, before I do, there are one or two
things that I'd like to get quite clear.

Mr. Granger, I take it that you no
longer object to my presence in the

department on this floor?

On the contrary, Mrs. Clocombe. The
ladies' department can always be

And I take it Captain Peacock... that
you will not in future insist upon the

ladies' department displaying garments
which they consider to be in bad taste.

All goods on display will be entirely at
the discretion of whoever is in charge.

Good. Well, that's settled then.

So, when's the happy day?

Today.

Today? I turned him down.