All language subtitles for Are You Being Served s03e03 Up Captain Peacock

Ground floor, perfumery, veterinary and
leather goods, waste and haberdashery,

kitchenware and food going off.

First floor, telephone, just ready made.

Cabin peacocks coming up in the lift
now. Right.

Places, everybody.

Places. Quickly. Now, as soon as the
lift gates open, you will all applaud,

then I shall present Captain Peacock
with his 20 -year service badge.

Rather an emotional moment.

20 years in this place is almost as much
as the train robber's got.

Captain Peacock, in acknowledgement of
your... Mr. Luke, the buttons!

Too late. Have lost him? Cut off in his
moment of glory.

basement.

Shouldn't we just follow him? Quick,
yes, into the other room. Come on.

Right.

Justin, he's coming.

Philip's coming up again. He's coming
back.

They've gone, stupid lot.

May I say that this comes as a great...
Where are they? They've gone down to the

basement with your medal.

Stupid.

missed him. Well, you've just missed him
again. He's gone down to the basement

to look for you. Oh, come on.

We'll stick him here. We'll stick him
there. It's like looking for the Scarlet

Pimpernel.

Hang on. It's back again. It's coming.
Oh, places, everybody. Quickly now.

Thanks.

I'd like to say it gives me great
pleasure.

It gives me great pleasure at all.

Oh, this is ridiculous.

I'm going back to my counter. The moment
has rather lost its magic.

Oh, yes. Send him to my office when he
comes in.

I'm here. I'm here.

I'm here.

Right places, everybody.

Captain Peacock, in acknowledgement of
your 20 -year service here at Grace

Brothers, it gives me much pleasure to
present you with this badge.

The letters GB in 22 -carat gold plate.

It's a complete surprise to me, and I'm
most touched, not to say honoured.

In addition, and as a special token of
your particularly excellent service

the management are taking the unusual
step of presenting you with this key.

What's it for? Your flat?

It's the key to the executive washroom.

The key to the executive washroom?

Yes. I really didn't expect this.

It is indeed an honour. The key to the
executive washroom.

I've served here for 35 years and I've
never been one. You must be thirsty.

Well, I've been here longer than Peacock
and I have to muck in with the rest.

I have a further announcement to make.

Not another honour, sir. That would be
too much.

Yes, it would.

No, this doesn't really concern you
directly. I just wish to remind you all

About the change in the lunch break.

Oh, yes. Well, the management feels that
we are losing a lot of trade by closing

between one and two.

So in future, we will take our lunch
break between two and three. I don't

my stomach can hang out that long.

Well, it's been hanging out for the last
ten years.

Mr. Granger, would you inform your
junior that if he doesn't watch his

when speaking to a lady, he'll get a
butt round the ear hole?

Door's open to your counters.

Captain Peacock, one more thing.

Regarding your application for an
increase in salary. Oh, yes, sir. It has

been approved.

Indeed.

Sorry to hear that.

I am, however, here to tell you that the
management has seen fit to extend to

you the privilege of using the executive
dining room.

Executive dining room?

See you at lunch, Stephen.

Thank you, Cuthbert.

It's still Mr Rumble.

I'm sorry, sir.

Please forgive me. The key to the
executive washroom went to my head.

I quite understand.

Look at him flaunting it.

I've wanted that key all my life.

You're not management, Mr Granger. No,
you're not even in line for the throne.

Are you being served, sir? Well, it's
hardly likely. I've just stepped out of

the lift.

In that case, I will rephrase the
question.

Can I help you, sir?

I'm looking for a bow.

A bow?

Tie, violin or Robin Hood?

Very funny.

Do forgive me, sir. I'm in a rather
frivolous mood today. You see, this is

anniversary. I've been with Grace
Brothers 20 years now.

Well, in that case, you'll know where I
can buy a clip -on bow tie.

A clip -on bow tie?

Yes, a clip -on bow tie. You know the
sort. I know what they are, sir.

Mr. Granger, are you free?

Yes, I'm free.

This gentleman wants a clip -on bow tie.

A clip -on bow tie.

A clip -on bow tie.

I'm very sorry. I'm afraid I can't help
you, Captain Peacock. I'm just going to

the staff bog.

Are you available for a clip -on bow
tie?

I have never been available for a clip
-on bow tie.

Mr. Lucas will attend to the customer.
Forward, Mr. Lucas.

Thank you very much, Mr. Humphreys. Good
morning, sir. Did I hear you say you

were interested in a clip -on bow tie?
That's right, that's right.

Didn't you be kind enough to just take
your tie off, sir?

Let me help you.

Now then.

There we are, sir. One clip -on bow tie.

The springs on these are very strong,
you know. They're so strong, we've told

quite a lot of mousetraps.

There we are.

How does it look? How does it look, Mr.
Humphreys?

Awful.

Oh, it's not your fault, sir. It's the
clip -on bow tie.

Why are you trying to sell me an awful
tie?

We're not trying to sell it to you, sir.
You said you wanted it.

Nobody's wearing them much at the
moment. No, except you.

What occasion was it you wanted it for,
sir?

Well, it's an army reunion.

Oh, no.

Sir wouldn't want the rest of his
regiment to think that he'd gone to the

would he?

Talking about I've got my own building
firm.

Well, no one would ever guess it, sir. A
bow tie like that.

What do you suggest?

Well, sir, excuse me, for two pounds,
sir, you could have a pre -tied velvet

a piece of elastic.

A lot of people are wearing these,
aren't they, Mr. Humphreys? Oh, yes,

are. Yes, they are. They are, Mr.
Humphreys, yes. That is, of course, if

can't afford a proper one. Proper one?
What do you mean, a proper one? A

handmade, watered silk.

Oh, that's a little... They are five
pounds.

Oh, that's all right. I can afford that.

Sale, Mr. Lucas. I'll make up the bill,
Mr. Humphreys.

Anything is...

How do you tie it? There's a diagram
inside the box.

Show me how you tie yours.

Oh, I couldn't possibly do that. I
always wear one of these.

So I said to him, I said, young man, I
said, if you don't take your hand off my

knee at once, I'm getting off this bar
stool and going home.

And did he?

He did not.

So you went home?

Eventually.

Anyway, he's taking me to the picture
tonight to apologise.

I do hope he behaves himself on the back
row.

How do you know you're going to be in
the back row?

I've booked.

Morning, ladies.

Oh, good morning, Mr Mash. Here we are
then.

Six jumpers.

Six pairs of earmuffs.

And I've brought up these 24 pairs of
Sensi -Touch rubber gloves.

Sensi -Touch rubber gloves?

Been listening to the artists lately,
have you?

in the kitchen department.

Well, they are, but they all did a
thousand pairs too many, you see. They

to shift them.

Oh, I've got a fancy type display model
as well.

Hey, oh, look at that.

Airtight and watertight, guaranteed.

But what's it for?

Oh, what's a day, Ange, what you care
for so much?

Can still play the piano with a
sensitive touch.

I don't make them, lady.

I just deliver them, as the midwife said
to the bishop.

Captain Peacock?

Captain Peacock!

Are you free?

Not at the moment, Mrs. Logan.

Can I help you, madam?

No, thank you.

Are you free now, Captain Peacock?

Yes, Mrs. Logan.

Just look at this monstrosity.

I have already seen this excellent
display model, approved it, and given

authority for it to be used on your
counter.

I see.

Then I shall have to go through you to
Mr. Rombaud.

Are you sure you want to question the
decision of your superior, Mrs. Locke?

Captain Peacock, you may have the key to
the top person's toilet, but you are in

no way my superior.

And women live longer than men.

I don't see what that has to do with it.

I know, but I just thought I'd tell you.

For the last time, Mrs. Slocum, do you
wish to question my judgment?

Yes, Captain Solomon Peacock, I do. In
that case, I shall have to put the

before Mr. Rumbold without further
delay.

Good. And may I say that I disapprove of
your using this rude tone to me in

front of a junior.

Captain Peacock, I'm so sorry.

Miss Brown...

Would you mind removing yourself a few
paces and covering your ears? Yes, Mrs.

Slocum.

Pompous twit.

What will you do if Rumbold approves?
I'm not taking any chances. Pass me the

scissors. Just once more. I think we're
getting somewhere.

A little bit closer.

Up and over, make a bow.

Through the hole.

and there we go.

It's quite simple, isn't it, sir? Now,
I'll have a go on you.

Wrong way.

Up and over. Make a bow.

Mrs. Sirton, are you free?

At the moment, yes.

I have told Mr. Rumble that you wish to
defy my executive decision that the

sensor touch display unit is suitable
for your counter.

and he has come over to give his
executive ruling to dispose of the

and for all. Yes, well, I haven't
actually seen it before, but I'm sure if

Captain Peacock likes it, then it must
be all right. Oh, it's right up Captain

Peacock's street.

May I show you? Please.

Can I help you, sir? The ladies, please.

Lingerie or powder room?

I'd hardly be wanting the powder room.

Just a little joke, sir. Only just.

Mrs. Sercombe.

May I assist you, sir?

Yes, I want to buy a dress.

Certainly, sir. About what age?

Forty -ish. Oh, the younger middle -age
range. Quickly, Miss Brahms.

And about what size?

It's for me.

Hold the reins, Miss Brahms.

I beg your pardon, sir.

It's for a fancy dress party.

Oh, I see. All the men are going with
girls, and the girls are going with men.

How amusing.

Very gay.

Tea for Miss Blonde.

Would sir raise his arms? There we are.

Forty -two, including the spectacle
case.

a couple of oranges would get a big
laugh.

Tangerines will get a bigger one.

I want something under ten pounds.

Something from the Cotton Seconds, Miss
Brown.

From the maternity ring.

Can I try it on?

Not in my department, you frown.

You have to use the men's.

Captain Peacock, are you free?

You called me, Mrs. Legrim.

This gentleman is going to a fancy do
and wishes to use the gents' facilities

try it on.

Yes, the gentleman's department would be
more suitable this way, if you please,

sir. Thank you.

Mr. Granger, are you free?

I'm sorry, Captain Peacock, but I'm just
going to have my coffee in the staff

case.

Humphreys, are you free?

I'm busy pricing my ties, Captain
Peacock. The gentleman wishes to try on

dress. I'm free.

fancy dress party.

Oh, yes, sir. They all say that.

Well, they're throwing very nicely, sir.

They're very snug, too.

Too snug, I'm afraid.

I need a larger size in jacket and
trousers.

Oh, dear.

Perhaps I should try something with a
bold check.

A bold check.

I'll hang this up here for you, sir,
while you transform yourself.

Yes, I'm afraid we haven't got much in
check. Ah, here we are, sir. How about

this one?

Ah, yes.

What do you think? Is it me?

Well, it's certainly not the dress.

You know, I don't know why men do it.
It's going to look awful in a dress.

Yes, it didn't look all that much in the
trousers.

Ah, well, here we are, sir.

And there's your old... Jacket and
trousers in the back.

Excellent fit. It feels worn in already.
Yes, very nice.

We told one of those to Robin Day the
other day, you know.

When he retires, he's going to work as
the test card.

What have you done with that check suit?

Sold to my customer, Mr. Humphrey. Oh,
our aid.

They never should have let Mr.
Humphrey's fit in.

He's been in there for hours.

He's probably trying to cut him into an
ant bag.

You just have to give me a new suit,
that's all.

Sorry, sir.

I'll try and find you something.

Look, you'd better wait in here. I
can't. I'd die to spend a penny. Oh,

look here.

Hitch your skirt up and speak with a
Scottish accent.

Can I help you, sir or madam, as the
case may be?

I want the gents.

At the top of the stairs.

Thanks. You should have used the powder
room when I first suggested it.

What time is it?

One o 'clock. Oh, another hour to lunch.
I wonder if Mr Granger will lend me his

chair.

You do look a bit peaky, Mr Humphries.
Well, I'm not surprised. I've had no

breakfast. A friend of mine was supposed
to do some shopping for me and he let

me down.

This morning I got up. I thought, oh, I
wonder what's in the fridge.

When I got there, the cupboard was bare.

Well, that's not like you, Mr Humphrey.

It's not. I usually keep a bit of
something tucked away.

You never know when it's going to be a
rainy day, do you? That's true.

Anyway, I found an egg and I boiled some
water. And, you know, could I find my

egg timer? No.

Right.

So I picked up the phone and I dialled
the operator.

Did he know where your egg timer was?

No.

Surprising. I'll smack your wrists in a
minute.

Anyway, I said to him, could I have an
alarm call, please, at three minutes

eight? He said, it's eight o 'clock
already.

I said, I know that, but I'm boiling an
egg.

He got quite nasty, but he had a very
nice voice.

Anyway, by the time we'd made it up, the
water had boiled dry, the egg was like

a golf ball, and I had to run for my
boss.

There must be something in the Patriot.

Delaying our canteen lunch is a
contravention of human rights.

Eating our canteen lunch is a
contravention of human rights.

I'm going to phone the factory
inspector.

I know how he feels.

If my win gets any worse, I'll have to
hoist gale warnings.

I can't stand this. I'm going to see if
I can organise something.

Oh, I'm starving.

So am I. But I've taken steps to keep
going.

Quick, while Peacock's not looking.

I'll call the calculator.

Yep, it'll be perking any minute.

Oh, smashing, I could just do with that.
Hang on, Peacock's coming.

Looking forward to your lunch, ladies.

By two o 'clock, that canteen will seem
like the Savoy.

Yes, I'm sorry I shan't be joining you
there as usual.

Oh, going on a diet again?

No, but not only have I the key to the
executive washroom, but from now on I

shall be taking my lunch in the
executive restaurant.

I just thought you'd like to know.

Oh, you're Lord Muck now, aren't you?

Yes.

Well, I'm looking forward to it. It'll
be very nice to have a... choice of wine

with one's chicken fricassee. Oh, is
that what they call the rissoles up

I'm having a rissole right now.

When I was in the Western Desert, of
course, we were trained to go for long

periods without food and water.

You learned it from the camels, I
suppose.

I was just making the point that I'm
able to cope with the situation more

than you are. Don't worry about me. My
stomach can hold on as long as yours

Robbo would have heard that from ten
miles away.

Have you found the factors, Inspector?

No, no. I had a change of heart.

I've been very well treated at Gracie's
and it won't be very long before I

retire. I wouldn't like to be branded as
a troublemaker.

A word in your ear, Ernest?

Yes, Captain Peacock.

I'm sorry if my elevation to the
executive washroom upset you. I mean, I

have refused it, but...

Well, that might be construed as taking
a stand against the management.

Yes, Captain Peacock. I think you'd be
far better off standing with the

management. I'm glad you see it that
way.

Oh, it's only just that I had hoped that
one day I should have that key.

Well, no hard feelings then, Alice? Oh,
no hard feelings at all.

I'd be delighted if you'd have lunch
with me today in the canteen.

Well, I'm afraid I can't. You see, from
now on, I have to take my lunch in the

executive dining room.

The executive dining room?

The executive dining room?

A glass of water for Mr. Green, sir. I
don't want a glass of water.

Where's that paper?

Tell you, stomach, everything's all
right. I tricked it. All we've got to

Get Peacock off the floor. Have you got
some sandwiches? No, I've done better

than that. Get rid of Peacock.

Slocum, ladies.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Slocum.

It's Miss Williams here, a count.

Could you tell Captain Peacock that one
of his figures is in dispute and we'd

like to see him up here immediately?

Very well.

Captain Peacock?

Yes, Mrs. Slocum.

You're wanted in accounts.

Thank you, Mrs. Lewis.

Mr. Humphreys, I'm wanted up in
accounts.

Are you really, Captain Peacock?

Yes, Mr. Humphreys.

Would you take over for me while I'm
away?

Would you like me to take over standing
here or walking about?

Don't be facetious, Mr. Humphreys.
That's a perfectly proper question.

And my answer is that I wish you to take
over for me as floor walker while I'm

away. Very well, Captain Peacock.

go back to the window.

Stop messing about. Now get up by the
lift and press the button three times.

Welcome to Massey's Meals on Wheels.

Get your soup off me.

Mull of the tawny or mind -strung
steaming on or already blown.

Cover it.

There we go.

Sorry, second sitting in ten minutes.

I

never

did like lentil soup.

Shatter's pie.

You always did like adventure.

When I went past, the flies were
enjoying it.

Oh, never mind.

Put plenty of that brown sauce on. You
won't see their footprints.

I'm really going to enjoy this.

What did you settle for, then? Melon
ball.

Unusual.

Mr. Granger, would you take a whiff of
this pilchard and give me your opinion?

not, Mrs.

Slocum. It might put me off my road mop
hearing.

Can I tell you one thing, Mrs. Slocum,
about that pilchard?

It's definitely dead.

Yes, which is well to be said for that
green thing that's walking across your

lettuce.

Tough little monkeys, aren't they?

They have to be to eat that lettuce.

Got it.

Ooh, it's right. Put me off eating.

It's giving him a lot of energy as well.

Isn't it disgusting?

That's nothing. He always eats his soup
like that. If you want something really

disgusting, get him some spaghetti.

I meant the conditions in the stock
canteen are disgusting.

I've been to wait an extra hour for
this.

I don't think it'll happen again.

Mr. Granger phoned the factory
inspector.

Well done, Mr. Granger. Yes, I did.

But apparently Captain Peacock had
complained earlier about the extra late

luncheon. He said that it upset his
desert stomach.

Yeah, the inspector said they've got no
right to make us eat late. Then he took

one look at this place and went off to
see young Mr. Grace.

I shall be interested to hear his
report. If he had anything to eat here,

be a loud one.

I think they're taking him to the
executive dining room.

Oh, no, there goes Rumble.

But he doesn't get things crawling about
on his lettuce in the executive dining

room.

They don't care, you know, as long as
they're all right.

That's all right, isn't it? What?

Mr Mash?

Well, I'm bending my knees, aren't I?

That makes my bottom go plonk on the
chair.

Oh, sitting down.

This has always been our departmental
table.

Yeah, well, I know that, but as Captain
Peacock's gone up in the world, I

thought I'd take his place.

There's a vacancy over there by the pig
bin.

Charming, isn't it, eh?

One of these days, mates, we'll all be
equal. Then I'll be in the executive

dining room.

Hang on, here comes Peacock. Oh, making
his maiden voyage to the executive

dining room.

He didn't even speak to us.

All power corrupts.

Absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Snorkel for Mr. Granger.

Ah,

Peacock, welcome to the club. Do be
done.

Will you join me in a glass of wine? Oh,
thank you very much, sir.

Thank you.

That'll be 25 pence.

Oh, no, no, no, not now. Later will do.

Thank you very much.

Excuse me, sir.

Thank you.

Soup du jour, lentil, the roll mop
herring, the pelched salad, a

shepherd's pie.

To follow an apri -wheat mint.

Great improvement on next door, eh?

Yes, we think so.

Your health, sir.

Amusing little wine, isn't it?

Hilarious.

Peruvian Beaujolais.

Thank you.

Yes, I must remember that.

Well, this is a great moment for me,
sir.

When one struggles, one does one's best.

One fails frequently, and occasionally
one succeeds.

And then finally, after a long journey,
one arrives.

Don't get up.

I'm sorry to spoil your lunch, but I'm
having trouble with the factory

inspector. Somebody from one of the
departments sent for him, and it

that the canteen is too small for the
number of people using it.

Yes, I was aware that it should be a
hundred square feet bigger, sir, but

can one do?

Where there's a will, there's a way.
Either having the whole thing locked

one. What about the executive dining
room?

That's the least of your troubles.

You've got to use the start bulb as
well.