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00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,711
- ♪ When I roll down the street
brothers all take a knee ♪
2
00:00:03,837 --> 00:00:05,880
♪ Honeys dropping their Gs,
wanting pieces of me ♪
3
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,382
♪ 'Cause I run
this whole block ♪
4
00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:08,925
♪ With these rhymes
and this glock ♪
5
00:00:09,051 --> 00:00:10,760
♪ Make this whole
damn 'hood tick ♪
6
00:00:10,886 --> 00:00:13,096
♪ This my town, I'm the talk,
cock of the walk ♪
7
00:00:13,222 --> 00:00:15,515
♪ I'm the boss and the king,
niggas kissing my ass ♪
8
00:00:15,641 --> 00:00:17,183
♪ And bitches
kissing my ring ♪
9
00:00:17,309 --> 00:00:19,894
What's up, yeah!
Oh, shit, nigga.
10
00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:21,270
You know it's true.
11
00:00:21,397 --> 00:00:23,606
[Laughs] Yeah.
Y...
12
00:00:33,075 --> 00:00:36,035
- I'm the leader
of the free world.
13
00:00:36,161 --> 00:00:38,871
[Mic feedback]
14
00:00:38,997 --> 00:00:40,206
[Car door shuts]
15
00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:45,002
[Laughter]
16
00:00:45,129 --> 00:00:47,630
- I mean, the president,
how you...?
17
00:00:47,756 --> 00:00:49,424
Forget y'all.
18
00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:52,427
[Soul music]
19
00:00:52,553 --> 00:01:00,560
♪ ♪
20
00:01:09,445 --> 00:01:13,614
[cheers and applause]
21
00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:14,782
- Hey.
22
00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:17,952
- Wow.
- Pretty good.
23
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:20,246
Really?
24
00:01:20,372 --> 00:01:22,915
- Welcome to the show.
I am Keegan.
25
00:01:23,041 --> 00:01:24,751
- And I am Jordan.
- And this is Key and Peele.
26
00:01:24,877 --> 00:01:28,045
- Yes, welcome.
- Thank you for coming.
27
00:01:28,172 --> 00:01:29,213
- Keegan and I
both have white moms.
28
00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:30,590
- Yes, yes.
- This is true.
29
00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:32,383
We have white moms,
and, uh, the thing
30
00:01:32,509 --> 00:01:34,594
about having a white mom
and being a black guy is,
31
00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:38,055
as a kid, a white mom
can't hit a black kid in public.
32
00:01:38,182 --> 00:01:40,558
- Can't do it.
Can't do it.
33
00:01:40,684 --> 00:01:43,644
Gets too racial too fast.
- That's right.
34
00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:46,689
It escalates. It escalates to
this racial thing, and I was...
35
00:01:46,815 --> 00:01:48,941
I became aware of this
at a very young age.
36
00:01:49,067 --> 00:01:51,861
I think my mother spanked me
once in the grocery store.
37
00:01:51,987 --> 00:01:54,155
I swear to God, Keegan, I...
you know that tear
38
00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:56,449
that Denzel Washington
does in Glory...
39
00:01:56,575 --> 00:01:58,576
- [laughs] Yeah.
- When he's getting whipped?
40
00:01:58,702 --> 00:02:00,036
- Yeah, yeah.
- That's what I did, and I...
41
00:02:00,162 --> 00:02:01,662
I promise you,
just instinctively,
42
00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:03,706
it came out of me.
This is what I did.
43
00:02:03,832 --> 00:02:05,666
Just hit me like you're my mom
in the grocery store.
44
00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:07,502
I said...
♪ Mama, don't you hit ♪
45
00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:11,631
♪ No black boy's booty ♪
46
00:02:11,757 --> 00:02:14,133
[cheers and applause]
47
00:02:14,259 --> 00:02:18,262
♪ 200 years,
ain't nothing changed ♪
48
00:02:20,265 --> 00:02:23,059
- [sighs]
49
00:02:23,185 --> 00:02:24,894
Mr. Louis...
50
00:02:25,020 --> 00:02:27,063
Thank you
for coming in
51
00:02:27,189 --> 00:02:28,940
with your associates.
52
00:02:29,066 --> 00:02:32,568
I know this is hard to hear,
but...
53
00:02:32,694 --> 00:02:34,153
we need to make
some serious decisions
54
00:02:34,279 --> 00:02:36,197
about your mother's health.
Let's be honest.
55
00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:38,074
She is getting on
in years.
56
00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:40,660
- Oh, snap.
57
00:02:40,786 --> 00:02:43,079
Okay, I see how it is.
I see how it is.
58
00:02:43,205 --> 00:02:47,500
Well, yo mama so old,
her last name is "osaurus."
59
00:02:47,626 --> 00:02:52,004
[Laughter]
- Boom!
60
00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:55,049
- N-no, Mr. Louis,
it wasn't an insult.
61
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:57,510
I... I was just saying
that your mother's condition
62
00:02:57,636 --> 00:03:00,179
is deteriorating, uh,
because she's getting older.
63
00:03:00,305 --> 00:03:03,975
- Oh, see that's cold, though.
That's a cold one, okay.
64
00:03:04,101 --> 00:03:06,269
Okay, I see how it is.
Hey, y'all.
65
00:03:06,395 --> 00:03:09,981
Yo mama so old,
in her history class,
66
00:03:10,107 --> 00:03:11,440
they just wrote down
what they was doing.
67
00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:13,401
[Laughter]
68
00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:15,570
He's talking about...
he's talking about...
69
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,446
ch-ch-ch-ch-ch...
ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch...
70
00:03:17,573 --> 00:03:18,990
[laughs]
- That's you!
71
00:03:19,116 --> 00:03:20,992
- Mr. Louis,
this isn't an insult contest.
72
00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:22,493
Not only
is your mother elderly,
73
00:03:22,619 --> 00:03:24,829
but also her ability
to walk
74
00:03:24,955 --> 00:03:26,956
is currently being affected
by her weight.
75
00:03:27,082 --> 00:03:28,416
- Oh.
- Ooh.
76
00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:30,835
- See, okay.
It just got real.
77
00:03:30,961 --> 00:03:34,088
- No, I'm not insulting her.
I'm trying to tell you the...
78
00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:37,300
- Yo mama is so fat, when
she go to the movie theater,
79
00:03:37,426 --> 00:03:39,385
bitch sitting
next to everyone.
80
00:03:39,511 --> 00:03:43,055
- Excuse me. Excuse me.
- Listen to me, okay?
81
00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:45,558
Your mother needs
to manage her weight,
82
00:03:45,684 --> 00:03:47,101
or there can be
some real problems.
83
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:49,562
- Oh... kay!
84
00:03:49,688 --> 00:03:51,772
All right.
Oh, yeah.
85
00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:55,276
Yo mama is so fat, she need
a latitude and longitude number
86
00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:57,528
to find
her own asshole.
87
00:03:57,654 --> 00:03:59,280
- Oh!
[Laughter]
88
00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:02,783
- Look at his face! Yeah!
Look at his face!
89
00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:04,327
- Ah! Ah!
- Give it to him.
90
00:04:04,453 --> 00:04:05,703
- Oh.
- Give me some.
91
00:04:05,829 --> 00:04:07,914
- It's coordinates, son.
Coordinates.
92
00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:09,582
Now who's the doctor?
93
00:04:09,708 --> 00:04:12,001
- I am the doctor.
Mr. Louis, I am.
94
00:04:12,127 --> 00:04:14,295
And it is my job to make sure
that your mother
95
00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:16,047
is getting the care
that she needs.
96
00:04:16,173 --> 00:04:17,214
We are talking about the woman
who took care
97
00:04:17,341 --> 00:04:18,633
of you your whole life.
98
00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:20,259
The least you can do
is take care of her
99
00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:22,720
in her old age
and take this seriously!
100
00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:30,019
- I'm sorry.
101
00:04:30,145 --> 00:04:32,396
- I'm sorry
that I lost my temper.
102
00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:35,274
- No, really, doctor.
103
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:38,027
I guess...
I was just joking around
104
00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:41,656
because I know her condition
is really serious.
105
00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:45,493
And... I don't know,
I guess humor
106
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:48,913
is the only way
I can really deal with it, uh...
107
00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:50,873
[sighs]
108
00:04:50,999 --> 00:04:53,084
I just know
that she's said so many times
109
00:04:53,210 --> 00:04:55,711
she doesn't want
anything invasive done.
110
00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:58,965
- Really?
I was not aware of that.
111
00:04:59,091 --> 00:05:00,883
Um, that's interesting,
because she did not mention that
112
00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:02,510
to me in our
previous conversation.
113
00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:05,513
'Course it was difficult
to hear her
114
00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:10,226
with my dick
in her mouth.
115
00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:20,820
Snap, Mr. Louis.
116
00:05:20,946 --> 00:05:23,155
Oh, snap.
117
00:05:23,281 --> 00:05:24,907
Now let's talk
about the procedure.
118
00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:27,535
- Hello,
everybody out there.
119
00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,412
This is Brock Favors
with traffic on the ones.
120
00:05:29,538 --> 00:05:31,372
Chad Armstrong
is out sick today,
121
00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:33,916
so I am filling in
from my usual land reports
122
00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:36,293
and, uh, I'm up here
in the chopper.
123
00:05:36,420 --> 00:05:39,046
But I gotta tell you guys,
I am loving the view.
124
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:41,382
[Laughs]
Oh, shit!
125
00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:42,925
[Screams]
Oh, my god!
126
00:05:43,051 --> 00:05:45,386
Oh, oh, no!
Stop, stop, stop, stop.
127
00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:48,639
Oh!
128
00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:50,516
Whew.
129
00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:52,351
All right.
[Chuckles]
130
00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:54,603
Well, we are,
um, uh...
131
00:05:54,730 --> 00:05:56,272
we are over the 10.
132
00:05:56,398 --> 00:05:58,149
It is massively clogged
down there,
133
00:05:58,275 --> 00:06:01,152
like a pint of maple syrup
on a cool November morning.
134
00:06:01,278 --> 00:06:03,904
And we just... oh, shit!
Motherfucker, god damn!
135
00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:06,574
We gon' die
in this motherfucker!
136
00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,993
Oh, shit!
Oh, shit!
137
00:06:09,119 --> 00:06:10,870
Oh, my god!
138
00:06:10,996 --> 00:06:16,709
Whew, whew, whew!
139
00:06:16,835 --> 00:06:18,502
Okay.
[Chuckles]
140
00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:22,465
Okay, I am, uh...
I am very sorry, folks.
141
00:06:22,591 --> 00:06:25,468
[Chuckles] It's a little bit
of a bumpy ride up here.
142
00:06:25,594 --> 00:06:28,471
We are now approaching
the 405,
143
00:06:28,597 --> 00:06:31,640
ah, where the left lane
is blocked by a mattress.
144
00:06:31,767 --> 00:06:34,018
So somebody is,
uh, gonna be doing
145
00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:36,604
a little return to lkea later
today, you know what I'm say...
146
00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:40,149
Oh, no, nigga, please!
Shit! Oh, god damn!
147
00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:41,984
Oh, get me out this
motherfucking death machine
148
00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:43,778
right now!
Oh, no!
149
00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:45,780
Black people ain't meant
to be in the sky!
150
00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:47,948
We ain't meant to be
in the sky, man!
151
00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:51,660
[Crying]
Oh, mama, help me.
152
00:06:51,787 --> 00:06:53,746
Motherfucker.
153
00:06:53,872 --> 00:06:57,458
Oh, mama!
Aah! Oh, shit!
154
00:06:57,584 --> 00:07:00,586
Well, the 405
is fucked up right now.
155
00:07:00,712 --> 00:07:03,672
Ain't nobody going down
this shit. I'm sorry.
156
00:07:03,799 --> 00:07:09,470
I'm sorry.
I'm very sorry, folks.
157
00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:10,930
I'm very sorry
about that,
158
00:07:11,056 --> 00:07:12,765
but I am losing
my shit up here.
159
00:07:12,891 --> 00:07:15,184
- Actually,
you have every right to.
160
00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:16,727
We're about to crash.
161
00:07:16,853 --> 00:07:18,104
- Oh, fuck,
help me!
162
00:07:18,230 --> 00:07:19,438
Shit!
Oh, my god, help!
163
00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:23,651
Mama, please!
Mama! Help!
164
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:25,152
[Explosion]
165
00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:28,114
[Upbeat music]
166
00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:29,281
♪ ♪
167
00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:34,870
- So...
so here's something.
168
00:07:34,996 --> 00:07:38,833
Jordan and I love
to watch white guys fight.
169
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:40,835
- Yes, favorite pastime.
- It's sublime, mm-hmm.
170
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:42,670
- 2:00 a.m.
Outside of a bar,
171
00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:45,548
any night, any morning,
you can see this, and...
172
00:07:45,674 --> 00:07:47,258
- It's the great... it's...
- Best thing in the world.
173
00:07:47,384 --> 00:07:49,260
- It's like watching Nat Geo.
- Oh, it's...
174
00:07:49,386 --> 00:07:51,053
- It's the Discovery Channel
for us.
175
00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:52,638
It's Animal Planet.
176
00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:54,723
Well, this is how it happens.
- It's so great.
177
00:07:54,850 --> 00:07:57,059
- White guys... there's...
it starts with phase one.
178
00:07:57,185 --> 00:07:58,978
- Phase one, which is the, uh...
the arm-back phase.
179
00:07:59,104 --> 00:08:00,896
- Hands back, just completely...
- And chest out and arm back.
180
00:08:01,022 --> 00:08:02,523
- Chest out, arms back.
- And it's lots of,
181
00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:04,108
"You wanna do something?
Let's do something then."
182
00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:05,693
- "What are you doing?
What are you doing, bro?"
183
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:07,611
- "What are you doing?"
- "You wanna do something?"
184
00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:09,446
- "I'm already doing something."
- I need to keep my arms back
185
00:08:09,573 --> 00:08:12,575
as if they're so dangerous,
I gotta keep them back here.
186
00:08:12,701 --> 00:08:14,910
- Yo, phase two.
- Phase two.
187
00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:16,412
- They I...
they lock horns.
188
00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:18,205
- "You w... let's go.
Let go of me, dude."
189
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:19,582
"Let go of me right now."
- "Let go of my shirt."
190
00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:21,542
- "Let go of my shirt.
I'm gonna..."
191
00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:23,335
- "I'm not on your shirt."
- "You're on my shirt, dude.
192
00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:26,213
"Get off of my shirt, man.
Get off my shirt.
193
00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:27,631
Get off of my shirt."
- "Dude."
194
00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:29,925
- "Let go of my shirt."
195
00:08:30,051 --> 00:08:31,719
- Two minutes later.
- Two minutes later.
196
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,846
"I fucking love you!"
- "You're my best friend, dog."
197
00:08:33,972 --> 00:08:35,764
- "You are my brother, dude.
Do you know that?"
198
00:08:35,891 --> 00:08:36,932
- "I would never do
anything to you."
199
00:08:37,058 --> 00:08:38,100
- "I would never do that
to you."
200
00:08:38,226 --> 00:08:39,476
- Fast-forward two minutes.
201
00:08:39,603 --> 00:08:42,062
- "All right, just get off me."
- "What the hell?"
202
00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:43,480
- "Let go of me."
- "You let go of me, dude."
203
00:08:43,607 --> 00:08:45,232
- "Let go of me."
- "You let go of..."
204
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:47,651
White dudes cannot decide
if they want to fight or not.
205
00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:49,320
- Yeah.
- They can't do it.
206
00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:51,488
- Then phase four comes,
and that's when one of the guys
207
00:08:51,615 --> 00:08:54,074
has the genius idea
to do the "fake-out."
208
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:56,535
And, uh, so he's gonna
walk away, act like...
209
00:08:56,661 --> 00:08:59,205
and then do a sneak attack
210
00:08:59,331 --> 00:09:01,582
using karate,
which he does not practice.
211
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:03,542
- Right, so it's like...
- So it's just like...
212
00:09:03,668 --> 00:09:05,044
- "I don't even care. I don't
even care anymore, dude."
213
00:09:05,170 --> 00:09:06,253
- "I don't care."
- "Forget about that.
214
00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:10,591
You know what?"
215
00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:12,218
- "What are you doing, man?"
216
00:09:12,344 --> 00:09:16,138
And always... always,
there is a drunk white girl
217
00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:17,890
on the sidelines
just talking about,
218
00:09:18,016 --> 00:09:20,726
"You guys, stop fighting!"
219
00:09:20,852 --> 00:09:24,313
- "Megan, shut up."
- [Whines]
220
00:09:24,439 --> 00:09:26,899
- "I don't need your help,
Megan."
221
00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:28,817
- "You guys
are best friends!"
222
00:09:28,944 --> 00:09:31,362
- "Megan,
seriously, Megan.
223
00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:32,529
Shut up!"
224
00:09:32,656 --> 00:09:34,782
[Cheers and applause]
225
00:09:36,993 --> 00:09:38,160
- I love this place.
- This place is amazing.
226
00:09:38,286 --> 00:09:39,954
- Amazing.
- So hot.
227
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,163
- Got like four stars somewhere.
- I heard it got six stars,
228
00:09:41,289 --> 00:09:42,581
which is, like,
impossible.
229
00:09:42,707 --> 00:09:44,416
- Oh, my god.
Let's take a picture.
230
00:09:44,542 --> 00:09:46,001
- Let's take a picture right
now. Oh, my god, here we go.
231
00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:47,544
[Camera snaps]
- Oh, my god, I'm making a face.
232
00:09:47,671 --> 00:09:49,004
- Oh, my god, I'm, like,
one big nose. Delete it.
233
00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:51,215
- Ew, delete it.
- [Scoffs]
234
00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:52,633
[Camera snaps]
235
00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:54,009
- Ew.
- What am I doing? I'm gross.
236
00:09:54,135 --> 00:09:55,344
- Why do I look
like an orca whale?
237
00:09:55,470 --> 00:09:57,471
- Delete it.
- Delete it.
238
00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:59,848
[Gun fires, screaming]
- Everybody on the ground!
239
00:09:59,975 --> 00:10:01,517
- Oh, my god.
We're getting robbed.
240
00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:03,352
- Oh, my god, oh my god,
oh, my god, oh, my...
241
00:10:03,478 --> 00:10:05,187
Oh, my god,
what's my eye doing?
242
00:10:05,313 --> 00:10:07,189
- Ew, I look like I'm 40.
243
00:10:07,315 --> 00:10:08,732
Delete it.
- Oh, my god.
244
00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:09,984
- Let's get out of here,
but delete it.
245
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:13,237
- Get down! Down!
[Camera snaps]
246
00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:15,114
- Oh, my god, I look like
somebody unwrapped a mummy.
247
00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:16,782
- God, I look like
a five-year-old drew me.
248
00:10:16,908 --> 00:10:18,367
- Totally delete it.
- Delete it.
249
00:10:18,493 --> 00:10:19,868
- Delete it.
- Right?
250
00:10:19,995 --> 00:10:22,830
- Police! Drop your weapon!
[Gunshots]
251
00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:24,498
- Ew, I totally look
like Cloverfield.
252
00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:26,292
- Did I just have
a stroke or something?
253
00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:27,626
Both: Delete it.
254
00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:28,919
- Right?
- Yeah.
255
00:10:29,045 --> 00:10:30,296
[Gun fires]
256
00:10:30,422 --> 00:10:32,214
- L-ladies,
can you just show me
257
00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:33,674
the picture
you were talking about, please?
258
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,968
- Oh, it's like...
- Yeah, stop.
259
00:10:36,094 --> 00:10:37,970
Great, right there.
[Laughs] That's great.
260
00:10:38,096 --> 00:10:39,763
Grady, we got a clear shot
of the perpetrator.
261
00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:41,098
He's holding a shotgun
and everything.
262
00:10:41,224 --> 00:10:42,891
Wai-wait, wait,
where'd the picture go?
263
00:10:43,018 --> 00:10:44,268
- We deleted it.
- Gross.
264
00:10:44,394 --> 00:10:45,894
- What?
- I had childbirth face.
265
00:10:46,021 --> 00:10:48,230
- Yeah, I looked like
my grandmother having an orgasm.
266
00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:50,107
- Delete it.
- Delete it.
267
00:10:50,233 --> 00:10:53,527
- Grady, book these idiots
for destroying evidence.
268
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:56,322
- Ow.
Ew.
269
00:10:56,448 --> 00:10:57,781
Why are you being
so "manhandly"?
270
00:10:57,907 --> 00:10:59,116
- I can't believe this.
Why are we even...
271
00:10:59,242 --> 00:11:00,617
we were the heroes
of the evening.
272
00:11:00,744 --> 00:11:02,202
- Ridiculous.
- We stopped the perpetrator.
273
00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:03,662
Now we're being arrested?
- Can we please...
274
00:11:03,788 --> 00:11:05,247
Oh, my god,
these cops should be arrested.
275
00:11:05,373 --> 00:11:06,415
- This is a miscarriage
of justice, the entire th...
276
00:11:06,541 --> 00:11:07,583
[both gasp]
277
00:11:07,709 --> 00:11:09,251
- What?
No fucking way.
278
00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:10,669
- Oh, my god, you cannot...
- Delete it.
279
00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:12,087
- You cannot arrest me
with that picture.
280
00:11:12,213 --> 00:11:13,464
Are you kidding me?
- Delete it.
281
00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:15,507
- I was blinking.
This is ridiculous.
282
00:11:15,633 --> 00:11:17,009
- Delete it.
- Delete it right now.
283
00:11:17,135 --> 00:11:18,218
Delete it.
You must delete this photo.
284
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:19,845
- Delete it. No.
- Delete it.
285
00:11:19,971 --> 00:11:21,180
I'm not leaving
until he deletes it.
286
00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:22,848
- He has a picture of us.
Delete it.
287
00:11:22,974 --> 00:11:24,975
- I'm not leaving until he...
you gotta delete it!
288
00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:26,393
You've gotta delete it.
- Just delete it.
289
00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:28,270
- You have to delete this pic...
- Delete it!
290
00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:32,816
- ♪ But I don't need you ♪
291
00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:35,235
- Kee... when Keegan laughs,
when he finds something funny...
292
00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:37,196
- Mm-hmm.
- It's over, you have to move.
293
00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:38,781
- I have to move.
294
00:11:38,907 --> 00:11:39,948
It's out of the question
for me to laugh sitting still.
295
00:11:40,075 --> 00:11:41,617
It doesn't happen.
296
00:11:41,743 --> 00:11:43,410
If I'm watching television
alone, by myself,
297
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:44,745
in my home,
this will happen.
298
00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:48,832
[Laughs hysterically]
299
00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:51,043
Um, and a little bit of these.
[Laughs]
300
00:11:51,169 --> 00:11:52,252
Yeah.
- Nobody...
301
00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:53,921
nobody even there
to watch it.
302
00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:55,172
- I can't do it.
I can't sit still.
303
00:11:55,298 --> 00:11:56,757
I have to express myself
physically,
304
00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:59,009
and so a really
serious situation for me
305
00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:00,636
is watching a comedy
on a plane.
306
00:12:00,762 --> 00:12:02,221
- Oh, gosh.
- That is a problem.
307
00:12:02,347 --> 00:12:03,931
- Yes, I... I do feel
for your fellow passengers.
308
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:07,976
- I was literally on a plane
watching Bridesmaids,
309
00:12:08,103 --> 00:12:09,436
and you remember the scene where
she's got on the wedding dress,
310
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:10,604
and she poops in the middle
of the street?
311
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,231
- Yeah.
312
00:12:12,357 --> 00:12:13,440
- That scene comes on, and this
is what literally happens to me.
313
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:14,608
I go... I went like this...
I went,
314
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:18,404
"Oh, no. Oh, no.
Oh.
315
00:12:18,530 --> 00:12:21,073
Oh!
This... excuse me."
316
00:12:21,199 --> 00:12:22,408
[Screaming]
"Oh, shit!"
317
00:12:22,534 --> 00:12:23,951
[Laughing hysterically]
"Oh, shit!
318
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:25,327
"Oh, shit!
319
00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:27,704
Oh, drink cart.
Drink cart."
320
00:12:27,831 --> 00:12:32,167
I'M SORRY... [laughs]
Whoo!
321
00:12:32,293 --> 00:12:34,253
- Ladies and gentlemen,
322
00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:37,297
please turn off your cell phones
and enjoy our production
323
00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:41,051
of Lunch with Greatness.
324
00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:42,803
- My, my, my.
325
00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:45,639
What a beautiful day
In Montgomery, Alabama.
326
00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:49,685
I swear, the sun is so hot,
I nearly melted.
327
00:12:49,811 --> 00:12:51,895
- Indeed, Dr. King,
but I suspect
328
00:12:52,021 --> 00:12:53,647
we didn't meet here
to talk about the weather.
329
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:57,067
- Indeed,
brother Malcolm.
330
00:12:57,193 --> 00:12:59,695
Unless, of course,
we articulate
331
00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:02,906
that the sun
in this country
332
00:13:03,032 --> 00:13:06,076
shines brighter on some
than it does on others.
333
00:13:06,202 --> 00:13:10,664
- Mm.
- Yeah.
334
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:14,209
- Yes, but when the sun
does shine on us,
335
00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:17,087
it is growing
the seeds of revolution.
336
00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:21,300
- Amen.
- That's what I'm talking about.
337
00:13:23,678 --> 00:13:25,596
- I see your point,
brother Malcolm,
338
00:13:25,722 --> 00:13:31,018
but do not those same seeds
need to be watered with love?
339
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:33,604
[Audience murmurs in agreement]
340
00:13:33,730 --> 00:13:38,150
- I suppose that is the subject
of some discussion, Dr. King.
341
00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:41,487
- [Coughs]
342
00:13:41,613 --> 00:13:44,781
- And I am all for discussion,
brother Malcolm.
343
00:13:44,908 --> 00:13:46,950
Unless, of course,
the words devolve
344
00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:49,745
into proclamations
of hate.
345
00:13:49,871 --> 00:13:53,165
- Yes.
- Right.
346
00:13:53,291 --> 00:13:57,753
- Well, is that not why we
are here today, Dr. King...
347
00:13:57,879 --> 00:14:00,130
to discuss?
348
00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:03,217
[Fly buzzes]
349
00:14:06,554 --> 00:14:08,263
- Yes, brother Malcolm.
350
00:14:08,389 --> 00:14:11,683
And I am confident
that as we discuss...
351
00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:12,893
- We are going to discuss it
352
00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:14,937
and discuss it
353
00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:19,858
until I say that
354
00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:24,154
our people
have never resorted to violence
355
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:27,241
before the white man
gave them no choice
356
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:28,617
but to pay him back
357
00:14:28,743 --> 00:14:30,953
in the only currency
he understands.
358
00:14:31,079 --> 00:14:32,287
- Yes.
359
00:14:32,413 --> 00:14:36,667
[Applause]
360
00:14:36,793 --> 00:14:38,585
- Brother Malcolm,
361
00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:41,088
is that what you
really have to say...
362
00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:43,799
at this point...
in our lunch?
363
00:14:43,925 --> 00:14:46,343
- Indeed, Dr. King,
364
00:14:46,469 --> 00:14:50,222
because we didn't land
on Plymouth Rock,
365
00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:52,599
Plymouth Rock
landed on us.
366
00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:56,603
[Audience shouts in agreement]
367
00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:59,106
- Amen.
- Mm-hmm.
368
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:00,774
- Okay, well, yes.
All right.
369
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:03,318
Yeah, I-I've heard
you say that before.
370
00:15:03,444 --> 00:15:07,197
I... don't know why
we're talking about rocks when,
371
00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:10,075
in fact,
it is the flesh and the bone
372
00:15:10,201 --> 00:15:12,744
and the... the dreams...
I-I have a dream
373
00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:15,622
that someday our children
will be judged
374
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:17,499
by the content
of their character,
375
00:15:17,625 --> 00:15:19,835
not by the color
of their skin.
376
00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:23,046
[Cheers and applause]
377
00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:24,673
- Same for me.
Same for me.
378
00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:27,175
In fact,
I believe that one day,
379
00:15:27,302 --> 00:15:28,885
a black man
will become the president
380
00:15:29,012 --> 00:15:30,637
of the United States
of America.
381
00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:32,723
All: Yes.
382
00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:34,766
- Hopefully for eight years.
383
00:15:34,892 --> 00:15:36,476
Obama 2012.
384
00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:40,314
[Cheers and applause]
385
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,941
- Oh, of course, eight years.
Of course, eight years.
386
00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:45,068
That's a given, right?
[Laughs] That's a given.
387
00:15:45,194 --> 00:15:47,946
You know? I mean,
but in order to get there,
388
00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:50,157
isn't he going to need
the help
389
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:53,785
of our strong, beautiful,
black women?
390
00:15:53,911 --> 00:15:54,953
[Cheers and applause]
391
00:15:55,079 --> 00:15:56,955
Gotta respect the sisters.
392
00:15:57,081 --> 00:15:59,416
Gotta respect
the sisters!
393
00:15:59,542 --> 00:16:01,251
Gotta respect the sisters.
394
00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:02,961
[Cheers and applause]
395
00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:05,422
- As Wesley Snipes said
in Passenger 57,
396
00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:08,175
"Always bet on black."
Yeah.
397
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:12,929
[Cheers and applause]
398
00:16:13,056 --> 00:16:17,517
- ♪ The west side
is the best side ♪
399
00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:21,647
[cheers and applause]
400
00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:30,739
- Okay, so Keegan and I...
we grew up in the '90s.
401
00:16:30,865 --> 00:16:32,616
- Yes.
- Uh, and if you don't know,
402
00:16:32,742 --> 00:16:34,034
the fashion in the '90s
was god-awful.
403
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:35,285
- Horrific.
404
00:16:35,411 --> 00:16:37,120
And the... and the worst...
the worst thing
405
00:16:37,246 --> 00:16:39,456
in all the '90s
were Z Cavariccis.
406
00:16:39,582 --> 00:16:41,249
- See I d...
I don't even know this.
407
00:16:41,376 --> 00:16:44,252
- You know, Z Cavariccis...
They... they were a pant.
408
00:16:44,379 --> 00:16:47,214
And... and the waist of the pant
was so high, it was like,
409
00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:49,007
"What are you, a toreador?"
- Mm-hmm.
410
00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:52,511
- And they had these pockets
that had these pleats on them,
411
00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:55,013
which gave the illusion of hips
on a man.
412
00:16:55,139 --> 00:16:56,640
On a man.
- Oh, yeah.
413
00:16:56,766 --> 00:16:58,475
- The leg looked
like an ice cream cone,
414
00:16:58,601 --> 00:17:00,936
Just, whoop!
Tapered in here.
415
00:17:01,062 --> 00:17:03,063
And then at the bottom,
you would take the excess
416
00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:05,315
and just go like that
and roll them up
417
00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:08,151
to taper
an already tapered pant!
418
00:17:08,277 --> 00:17:10,987
Why are you tapering
the tapered pant?
419
00:17:11,114 --> 00:17:12,656
- Why... why are you...
why are you getting so mad?
420
00:17:12,782 --> 00:17:14,324
- Because I wore them,
Jordan.
421
00:17:14,450 --> 00:17:18,578
[Cheers and applause]
422
00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:20,664
I wore them.
423
00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:25,335
[Cheers and applause]
424
00:17:25,461 --> 00:17:29,297
[Soul music]
425
00:17:29,424 --> 00:17:34,219
- ♪ Ooh ♪
- ♪ Whoa oh oh ♪
426
00:17:34,345 --> 00:17:38,348
- ♪ Oh ♪
- ♪ Whoa oh oh oh ♪
427
00:17:38,474 --> 00:17:43,812
♪ Ooh, you know
that I been waiting ♪
428
00:17:43,938 --> 00:17:47,190
♪ Had this feeling
for so long ♪
429
00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:49,401
♪ And it feels so right,
baby ♪
430
00:17:49,527 --> 00:17:53,655
♪ How could this feeling
be wrong? ♪
431
00:17:53,781 --> 00:17:57,409
- ♪ Sometimes the thing
that you been searching for ♪
432
00:17:57,535 --> 00:18:00,537
♪ Has been right there
the whole time ♪
433
00:18:00,663 --> 00:18:02,998
♪ So, baby, I'm here
to tell ya ♪
434
00:18:03,124 --> 00:18:07,711
♪ I'm waiting right here
just to make you all mine, you ♪
435
00:18:07,837 --> 00:18:11,339
♪ You're the one
I always hoped for, you ♪
436
00:18:11,466 --> 00:18:14,676
- ♪ It's a feeling
I can't hide, you ♪
437
00:18:14,802 --> 00:18:16,803
- ♪ And I always been
your baby ♪
438
00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:20,891
♪ Standing right here
by your side ♪
439
00:18:21,017 --> 00:18:24,936
♪ Yeah, it's been building up
inside of me ♪
440
00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:27,397
♪ And I just gotta come out ♪
441
00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:30,317
- ♪ And tell you
what I'm feeling, girl ♪
442
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:34,154
♪ Tell you our love
is what I'm talkin' about ♪
443
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:37,908
- ♪ I gotta tell you
what my heart knows ♪
444
00:18:38,034 --> 00:18:41,119
♪ And what is has known
for so long ♪
445
00:18:41,245 --> 00:18:43,955
- ♪ I finally need
to show you ♪
446
00:18:44,081 --> 00:18:45,749
♪ My arms
are wide open ♪
447
00:18:45,875 --> 00:18:47,959
♪ That's where you belong,
you ♪
448
00:18:48,085 --> 00:18:50,796
♪ You know I'll make love
to you gently, you ♪
449
00:18:50,922 --> 00:18:52,380
- [screams]
450
00:18:52,507 --> 00:18:55,175
- ♪ The way I've seen it
in my mind, you ♪
451
00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:57,761
- ♪ I will take care
of you, baby ♪
452
00:18:57,887 --> 00:18:59,387
- ♪ There ain't no rush,
baby ♪
453
00:18:59,514 --> 00:19:00,889
♪ Let's take our sweet time ♪
454
00:19:01,015 --> 00:19:02,891
- ♪ I do it
to you slow ♪
455
00:19:03,017 --> 00:19:04,643
♪ The way
you've never done before ♪
456
00:19:04,769 --> 00:19:07,938
- ♪ Open up your mind,
I will open up your door ♪
457
00:19:08,064 --> 00:19:11,775
- ♪ I been searchin' all around
for the one I can call mine ♪
458
00:19:11,901 --> 00:19:13,276
- ♪ Sometimes the thing
you're searching for ♪
459
00:19:13,402 --> 00:19:16,112
♪ Has been there
the whole time, you ♪
460
00:19:16,239 --> 00:19:19,991
- ♪ I want to give you
all I got now, you ♪
461
00:19:20,117 --> 00:19:23,453
- ♪ And I'll take
all you can give, you ♪
462
00:19:23,579 --> 00:19:25,288
♪ And I'll never
turn my back on you ♪
463
00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:27,582
♪ As long as
we both shall live ♪
464
00:19:27,708 --> 00:19:29,584
- ♪ I'm talking 'bout you ♪
465
00:19:29,710 --> 00:19:32,295
- ♪ You, standing
right in front of you ♪
466
00:19:32,421 --> 00:19:34,005
♪ You, whoo ♪
467
00:19:34,131 --> 00:19:35,590
♪ Nothing left to hide ♪
468
00:19:35,716 --> 00:19:38,343
♪ Sugar,
said I'm telling you ♪
469
00:19:38,469 --> 00:19:42,347
♪ Everything
I've kept very deep inside ♪
470
00:19:42,473 --> 00:19:45,600
♪ Oh, rubbing up against
your big, bald head ♪
471
00:19:45,726 --> 00:19:47,227
♪ Your big, bald head ♪
472
00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:49,479
♪ I said your big, bald head,
and then I ♪
473
00:19:49,605 --> 00:19:51,565
♪ There's no one else
I could be possibly ♪
474
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:54,526
♪ Talking about
'cause you are bald ♪
475
00:19:54,652 --> 00:19:56,069
♪ And you are here ♪
476
00:19:56,195 --> 00:20:04,202
♪ ♪
477
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:11,293
♪ You ♪
478
00:20:11,419 --> 00:20:15,005
♪ You're a woman,
I'm a man now ♪
479
00:20:15,131 --> 00:20:17,924
♪ And you know
that's how I like it ♪
480
00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:20,594
♪ And I'm specifically talkin'
'bout you ♪
481
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,805
♪ Because you're a girl,
and I am the opposite ♪
482
00:20:23,931 --> 00:20:27,684
♪ You, woman, woman, woman,
woman, woman ♪
483
00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:31,688
♪ You are a woman,
I am a man ♪
484
00:20:31,814 --> 00:20:34,649
♪ You know I like women ♪
485
00:20:34,775 --> 00:20:37,444
♪ Because I am a man ♪
486
00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:41,948
♪ Never liked a man
in my life before ♪
487
00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:44,117
♪ And I don't like one now ♪
488
00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:46,786
[cheers and applause]
489
00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:48,580
- Thank you so much.
- Thank you.
490
00:20:48,706 --> 00:20:49,873
- Good night, everybody.
- Good night.
491
00:20:49,999 --> 00:20:51,041
- Good night.
What?
492
00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:52,584
You wanna go?
You wanna go?
493
00:20:52,710 --> 00:20:54,294
- You wanna go?
- You wanna do it?
494
00:20:54,420 --> 00:20:56,588
You wanna go do it right now?
Let's go right now.
495
00:20:56,714 --> 00:20:57,756
- Let go of my shirt, dude.
- Let go of my shirt, dude.
496
00:20:57,882 --> 00:20:59,257
- Let go of my...
497
00:20:59,383 --> 00:21:02,260
- ♪ I'm gonna do
my one line here ♪
498
00:21:02,386 --> 00:21:04,387
- Oh, yeah.
499
00:21:07,475 --> 00:21:08,683
- We asked 'em to move
black people down, please.
500
00:21:08,809 --> 00:21:10,644
- Black people in the front.
- We have enough.
501
00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:11,978
I love how, if you put
white people in the back,
502
00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:13,563
all of the sudden,
they become rowdy.
503
00:21:13,689 --> 00:21:16,691
What the fuck is that?
"Yeah!"
504
00:21:16,817 --> 00:21:18,610
- See, we didn't really mind
being in the back
505
00:21:18,736 --> 00:21:21,404
all those years.
It's fun as shit back there.
38010
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