All language subtitles for its.always.sunny.in.philadelphia.s08e08.1080p.bluray.x264-rovers.eng

And you were
disrespectful to me.

That's the past.
God, get a life.

This is my life, you bitch.

You... bitch!

Oh! You slut.

Stupid...

Hold still, Charlie.
You're flickering.

Sorry. It's...
Trying to get you good images,

but I keep getting shocked
a little bit.

- Don't let that
affect your work.
- No, I'm really trying not to.

It's just that, you know,
I had to run the wires
from the other building...

building, and the, you know...

There's asbestos
in the ducts,
which wasn't good for...

good for breathing,
so I'm tired.

Why are you watching this crap?
Come on. Turn the TV off.

Let's-Let's go out.
Let's go do something.
I'm bored.

Hey. Let's go dancing, huh?
I want to do something.

- Dancing?
- We're watching
Real Housewives.

There's nothing real
about this shit, Frank.
You know that. Come on.

Real women
don't even look like that.

Hey, guys.

That is what
real women look like.

- Dee, are you sick?
- No, I feel great.

Oh, I haven't had a chance
to shower for a few days.
I've been gaming like a loon.

- You've been what?
- Gaming. I've been playing
this online video game.

It is awesome.
Charlie, speaking of which,

you want to come play my avatar
for me for a little bit
while I run some errands?

- I don't want my crops to die.
- Nah. I'm kind of busy...

- working for the guys, Dee.
- Shit!

-Yes, he's working for us.
He will do nothing of the sort.
-We're going dancing.

- Come on!
- What if I give you
three bucks?

You're our employee.
You do what we say.

I pay your rent.
Do not drop those wires.

Hey, Charlie,
to live is to dance.
Let's go.

- Charlie, what if
I gave you five bucks?
- You owe me five bucks!

Ah, shit!
Screw it!

Son of a bitch! Shit!

All right, tell you what.
I'm gonna go with Dee, okay?

I'm getting sick of this shit.
I really am.

You know, they treat me
like a dum-dum and a grunt,
and... I have potential.

You know?

I could go places.
I could do things.

Who knows?

I might even
rule the world one day.

Rule the world, huh?
Yeah, if that happens,
I'll blow myself.

Okay, so it's called
TechPocalypse, right?

And we're post-apocalypse,
and we have to rebuild
civilization.

This is me, ZingingCutie23.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Slow down.

ZingingCutie23?

Are you pretending
that you're 23 years old?

- No.
- It seems like it.

No, I... It's...
It's a random number
that I picked.

It's a random number?
I just picked a number
to put at the end of...

You know what?
Just watch over my tribe,

and make sure nobody,
you know, takes it over,

and I'll give you
your money, okay?
Okay. Wait.

Hold on a second.
What is that?

That's you.
You're one of my subjects.

That's me?
Why am I in the game?
Is that Mac?

Of course that's Mac.
You guys are all here.
See, Mac's my handmaiden.

How do you do?
How do you do?

And Dennis
is a midget blacksmith.

Frank is a mute half-donkey.

- And you're my jester.
- Why am I eating
out of a trough?

Made sense.
Are you kidding me?

So let me get this straight.
You've been playing this game
for, like, a week straight...

just so you feel like
you lord over all of us?

Is that what this is?
Charlie, do you want
your five bucks or not?

I want my five dollars.
It's just pathetic, Dee.

Okay, well, maybe it is.
Maybe it isn't.

I really do need
the money though.
Yeah, well, then get to work.

In advance?
No, not in advance.
We'll see how well you do.

All right. I got this.
I got this.

♪♪

♪♪

Yeah.

See? This is what
I'm talking about, guys. Huh?

I mean, playing
online video games...

and watching stupid
reality shows...
that's not real life.

It's keeping people
from experiencing real life.

This is real.

It's real,
but it feels weird as shit.

There's nobody else
in the bar dancing.

We're setting the tone, Frank.
You know, we will lead,
and others will follow.

- I'm stopping.
- Oh, come on. Don't stop.

Look. All right.
Let's go do some shots, and
that'll get you guys fired up,

and we'll come back out,
and we'll do some more
of this or whatever.

You know, you can do
the move, and... Come on,
come on, come on, come on.

Hey, uh, bartender,
three shots of whiskey.
Come on.

I know you guys.
You're the donkey man
and the princess.

We don't know what
you're talking about.
Take a hike, Bozo.

- Geek.
- Check it out. Look at this.
This is you, right?

This... This is Frank and-and Mac
from ZingingCutie's tribe?

- What the hell is this?
- This is Dee's
online video game,

and she's created characters
for all of us.

She's humiliating us virtually.
Who cares?
It's a video game.

What do you mean, who cares?
This is starting to piss me off.

Stop getting invested
in fake realities.

Let's live real life.

I don't know, Dennis.
My anger feels very real.

Yeah, well, it's not real.
It's not.
Are you feeling it?

Okay? It's not real. And you
know what it also isn't?
It also isn't epic, okay?

And you know what is epic?
Doing these shots,
going out there and dancing.

Come on. Do it. Do the shot.
I'll do the shots.

I'll just do the shots.
How about that?

♪ Loves me, loves me ♪

- Oh!
- ♪ We always have
- a real good time ♪♪

Oh, mama got a smartphone.

Okay, you know,
I tell you what, Carl.
Let's settle for a "C" trade.

We'll call it a day on that.
I gotta run. ZingingCutie44
is back, so I'm out.

Changed your name.

What the hell are you doing,
Charlie? I told you
to just feed my crops.

I did. I fed your crops,
and then I gathered some rocks,

and I built a little wall
around your tribe.

Then I used the leftover rocks
to dam the river
so that you could fish.

Now you're doing well
in the game.
You sucked at it, all right?

All you did was spend your money
on stuff you don't need,
just like in real life.

I don't do that.
Yes, you do.
What'd you get at the store?

I bought a smartphone
so that I can play the game
on the go.

What's going on
with the fingernails?

- Well, I had those done
like Flo-Jo.
- Why?

- I just thought
it would be funny.
- It's craziness.

Look, Dee. This is your problem.
I could take this money,
I could feed myself for a month.

I would buy milk,
I would buy flour,
I'd buy vitamins...

I'd boil them down
to little energy balls
to sustain me.

But whatever. Forget it.
Enjoy your game.

Enjoy all your new followers,
and you're welcome.

Oh, shit!
Charlie, you got me
31 new followers?

- Yeah.
- That's amazing! Hey,
do you want to maybe team up?

- No, 'cause I don't
want to be a slave.
- Come on, Charlie. Please.

I need you.

It's like,
when I'm doing good in the game,
I'm doing good in life.

I want to make fun of you
for saying that,
but I know what you mean.

- It's like I'm thriving.
- You're thriving.
Yeah, I did feel that.

You felt that?
I did. I felt that.
I never get to thrive.

I want to be the guy
who thrives for once.
Right? Me neither.

Tell you what.
Make me your king,
and let's get rocking.

Ooh, no.
I don't want to do that,
'cause we'd have to be married,

and that would be awful.
Okay. I'll see you later.

No, no, no. Sit down,
sit down, sit down.
I'll make you my king.

Just accept my request
to consummate.

Consummate?
What is that?
Have sex.

Oh.

So, um,

we should have sex then?

In the game.

Yeah, in the game. Sure. Yeah.

Yeah.
Either way.
Uh, so,

push enter hard,

or one, like, slow push,

and you do your thing,
or a little circular action?

Just push the button,
Charlie.
Just push the button.

That was good, right?
Was it?

I think.

You see me, Frank?
You see me coming?
I see you.

I see you.
Oh, here comes another guy.
I'm gonna fight him.

Mac attack! Fight!

I lost again! Goddamn it!

How do I keep losing?
I'm huge.

Stop fighting
every guy in the game.

The fighting is the best part.
It's the only reason
I'm playing.

Oh, my God.
Will you guys please shut up?
I'm hungover as shit.

We're playing TechPocalypse.

Mac is a soiled fool,

and I am a gorgeous girl
with big cans,

and I'm banging
all the fishermen in sight
for fish.

And I'm also being catty
with all the women
in the game,

like I'm a Real Housewife.

Look, Dennis. I-I'm 6'10".

I've always wanted to be 6'10".

Hey, look, Mac.
You're 5'9".

And, Frank, you're a man...
An ugly old man!

You're not understanding this,
Dennis,

but... I think I have something
that could help you
wrap your head around it.

♪♪

I've never had
my hair cut in a bedroom.

Well, one thing
I've learned from cutting hair
all these years, Danielle,

is you don't have to go
to a high-end salon...

to get a high-end
salon-quality cut.

- Why are we watching Dennis's sex tape?
- Shh.

It's cold.
I know. Well,
we'll make it hot in a minute.

Don't worry about that.

Well, don't...

Well, it's always...
there's always so much...
so much preamble.

Okay, here we go.
Oh. Oh. Um, all right.

- All right.
- Whoa.

Now, Dennis,
how does this make you feel?

Powerful.
Yes.

Of course. But how does it
affect you... sexually?

- I'm very aroused right now.
- I, too, am aroused.

I'm starting
to swell up.
Yeah.

See, now all three of us
are aroused, and there's not
a woman in the room.

See, this is no different
than sports or video games.

It's all a virtual experience.

No, no, no. Bullshit.
This was real, okay?

This happened.
I did this.

All right? I drew this woman in,
I styled her hair, I entered her
with almost no resistance.

I did these things.

You say it's real,
but what even is reality?

Yeah, who knows?
We don't even know
if we're in this room.

We could be
in a turtle's dream
in outer space.

What are you talking about?
I'm gonna go out into
the real world again today...

and have real experiences.

I'm gonna draw those people in
to me, okay?

A turtle's dream.
That's crazy. Lunacy.

♪ All night ♪

♪ All night long ♪
♪ All night ♪

♪ Yeah ♪♪

Tell me something,
Queen of Thrones,

how about we stop being enemies,
we start becoming
friends here, huh?

Charlie, I just got a new nose,

and I'm flying to Miami
to get my lips inflated.

Can you hang on one second?
Dee, what are you buying?

- How are you paying for that?
- We have plenty of money.

I know we have money.
We have money because I...

All right.
You know what? Yes, fine.

Buy your lips,
buy your noses,
buy whatever you're gonna buy.

Don't interrupt me when I'm
running our tribe, okay? 'Cause
that's kind of a big deal.

I know. I'm sorry.
So don't interrupt.

Okay.
Do me a favor, refill my bowl
of energy balls, okay?

- Please. Make yourself useful.
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sorry about that,
Queen of Thrones. Let me step
into my office here.

Hey, bitch!

Frank, you are SweetPeaches69?

How did you get
so many followers?

What can I say?
Some girls are more popular
than others.

Are you wearing a mink coat?

What, this old thing?

Guy gave it to me
for going down on him.

I've been getting
a lot of gifts lately.

I just got sent
a whole box
of peaches...

Real ones.

I'm eating like
a goddamn islander.

I'm living a pretty classy life
these days.

Ooh, you should come
to my party.

I'm gonna meet a lot of
my online friends there.

It's gonna be
a very classy affair,

but you can come anyway.

Well, look,
we could sit here, we could talk
cheesesteaks all day long,

but maybe you and I could
get together at my bar, settle
these things once and for all.

Charlie, we gotta talk.
Whoa!

We're going to a party...
a real one.
Frank's throwing it.

Yes, I know what's going on.
I know everything
that's happening.

Do you know he has
a bunch of followers?

Do you know that he's parading
around in a mink coat,
and he humiliated me?

I'm a queen, okay?
I should be the one
wearing mink,

and I should be
throwing digs at him.

You know what I mean?
I should have
a lot more followers.

You want mink, Dee?
Yeah.

You want a mink coat?
You want a nice,
real mink coat?

You know, not a virtual one
like Frank?

Don't dick around.
Are you serious?
I'm dead serious.

I trade with a guy online.
He has a clothing store.

I could give him some crops,
maybe a follower or two,
and he'll give you a mink coat.

For me? A mink coat?
Would you like that?

I would love that.
You would like that,
wouldn't you?

Yeah, yeah.
You know how that's
not gonna happen?

What?
It's not gonna happen if I'm not
playing the goddamn game!

Because when
I'm not playing the game,

people are attacking
our tribe, okay?
Yeah.

And that's a lot of pressure.
That's a lot of stress.

Too much. It's too much for you.
And we could lose everything.
We could lose everything...

that we have worked for...

Everything!
I wasn't thinking.

No, you're not really
the thinking kind though.

I'm kind of the thinking one
in the relationship, so...
Right. Thank you.

Be pretty.
You know, talk to me right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Get my energy balls.

- Unbelievable.
- Hey, Charlie.
We need to talk, dude.

Well, well, well.

- If it isn't the soiled fool.
- Frank told you about that?

Uh, no. Everyone's
talking about it online.
It's hilarious.

You destroyed your computer.
You bashed it to bits. I'm
assuming it got you in the eye.

- Is that what's going on there?
- It bashed me back
a little bit.

- You should win those fights.
You shouldn't lose...
- I did win!

It just got
a couple good shots in.
Hey, Charlie. Hey.

Hey, listen, I want
to tell you something.
What are you doing? Um, Dee...

Yeah?
You're not gonna offer
our guest any?

Of course I... Of course.
That's what I was doing.
Yeah.

Hey, Mac. Hey, did you...
did you want
an energy ball or two?

Yeah.
Go ahead. Have as many
as you want... Is that enough?

Yeah, that's good.
Okay.

There you go.
Here you go.
You need to fuel up.

Have a bunch of balls.
Yeah, I do. Thank you.

Okay.
Thank you.

Don't touch.
No, no. I know.
I didn't mean that.

- And stop groveling. Just...
- Let me know
if you need anything.

You're not pretty
when you do that, so...

Wow!

You, like, totally
psychologically,
like, annihilated her.

Now look.

You're good at building.
I'm good at destroying.
We should totally team up.

Wait. You know what?

Can you do me a favor?
Can you watch her
for a little while...

while I go meet a girl
that I met online?

- A real girl?
- Yeah, real girl.

- She's probably fat. Fat girl?
- She's probably very fat.

Most likely a fat girl.
If she's got any fat friends,
I'm into that.

- If she has any fat friends,
I'll let you know.
- Or ugly.

- Yeah. Or ugly.
- If they're sick,
that's fine too.

Yeah, or ugly or sick or...
or male or female, or whatever
it is that you like.

That's not the point.
The point is,
you know how women get.

You know, she catches wind
that I'm meeting a girl,
she's gonna go...

Oh, totally, totally.
I hate women.

Yeah, I know that
you feel that way, but...

do what I'm asking,
and then I can help you out
with the game.

Okay. Do what?

- Watch Dee.
- Oh. Okay. Yeah.

Hello. Hi.
Anyone?

Come on. Hello. Hi.

It's unbelievable.
Does anybody
want to experience this?

Anyone want to experience me?
For real?

Oasis Sensory Deprivation.

Enter a new dimension.

Change your perception.

Experience a new reality.

Experience a new reality.

Stop getting invested
in fake realities.

- I'm 6'10".
- You're 5'9".

What even is reality?

- Oh.
- This is real.

How do you do?

We could be in a turtle's dream
in outer space.

What is real?

Is this real? Am I?

Who are you?

Oh, I'm you.

Oh.

That's an amazing accent.

I like yours as well.

I think I know what reality is,
but maybe I don't.

Everything in life is becoming
more and more virtual.

Aw, don't be such a wanker.

Life is all in your mind.

If you believe it to be real,
then it's real.

I'm so confused, British Dennis.

You create your own reality.

I've known beggars
to be kings
and kings to be beggars,

all because they believed it so.

It's your choice.

It's my choice.

It's your universe.

It's my universe.

And you are God.

I...

am God.

Oh. No, no.
Oh. Oh, no.

Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

Charlie?

Hey.

Julie, right?

The Queen of Thrones!

The second most powerful
player in the game.

And you are
the Mighty Rat Slayer.

'Tis I! 'Tis I!
It's nice to meet you.

Yeah, I'm sorry...
I'm sorry. I haven't had
a chance to tidy myself.

You know,
when you're playing the game,
you get caught up and...

Have a seat.
Have a seat.
Okay.

Wow, this is...
It's cool to meet someone
from the game, you know.

I brought you something.
You did?

It's nothing really.
It's just, um,

the best cheesesteak
in Philadelphia.

You dog!

Uh, I'll be the judge
of that, all right?
You little rascal, you.

I don't normally meet people
from the game, but...
Right.

You seem like
such a nice guy.
Thanks. Yeah, yeah.

You know...

This is embarrassing,
but I got you something too,
you know.

I don't want...
I don't want to make you
feel weird, but here.

Oh. How thoughtful.
I wonder what it is.

It's not much.
Just a box of spiders.

What the hell?
Well, while we've been sitting here,

my followers have
burned your land,

they've raped your people,
and they've destroyed
your tribe.

You thought you could make
a move on me, Queen of Thrones?
Well, you were wrong.

What? I just wanted
to have lunch with you.

Oh, right.

Oh, let's have lunch
because we're hungry,
and we want to eat food.

Bullshit!
You think I'd give up
all this for lunch?

You stupid, fat pig.
I'm not fat.

No, you're not fat, but you...
You were supposed to be.

My friend Mac
said you'd be fat.
Whatever. You're a dick.

And your breath
smells like dog food.

Whatever, you bitch!

I got the power now!

I'm doing good in the game,
so I'm doing good in life!

Oh. Look who's here.

Well, it's nice that you came.
A little overdressed.

You said this was
a classy affair, Frank.

It was a classy affair
until you showed up.

You bitch.

Where are your
101 dalmatians tonight?

He's better
at the zings than you.

That bitch.
I totally burned her.
All right, Dee.

Give me your phone,
give me your headset.
I gotta get back online ASAP.

I just made
some big things happen.
Big things, baby! Boom!

No.

She's not with you anymore, bro.

Hold on. Shut up.
Wh-Why is the soiled fool
talking to me?

I don't need you anymore,
Charlie.
I'd like a divorce.

Ooh!
Ooh! Juicy!

Wait.
What are you talking about?

I know you were
gonna leave me
for the Queen of Thrones,

so I've slept with Mac
to humiliate you.

She's humiliated you and herself
by sleeping with me.

- I'm good at the game now.
- Oh, my God, Dee.
You stupid idiot.

Do you have a brain
in your head?

I was tricking that girl
so that I could destroy
her tribe.

We're the most powerful tribe
in the whole game now!
What are you doing?

You know, I-I guess
maybe I hadn't really thought
the whole thing through.

No, you didn't think!
Because you don't think!

You're just a stupid
kept housewife, okay?

Zing it, girl!

Frank, shut the hell up!

How dare you
all conspire against me!

How dare you!
You know what?
I want everyone out.

Everyone get out of
my apartment, okay?

No, not you,
not you and not you.
The three of you, sit.

Get out!

Okay, I think
we can all agree...

that this game is the most
important thing that ever
happened to us, right?

Absolutely, yeah.
It's very important.

- That's true.
- It's a hugely important thing.

So, because I'm a nice guy,

you know,
'cause I'm a cool dude,

I'll let you live, all right?

But, Mac and Frank,
you gotta give me your shares
of Paddy's Pub. Done!

What?
Yes!

And, Dee,
you're gonna have to do all
the Charlie work in the bar...

from here till...
oh, I don't know...
how's eternity sound?

Stop, Charlie!

- This game has gone on...
- long enough.

- Oh, shit.
- Are you doing an accent?

- Yeah, I was doing a British...
It was a British accent.
- That was British?

I had it so good in my head.
Oh, I was doing
a really good British accent.

Doesn't matter. Anyway...

Charlie, you think
you have all the power?

Well, you don't.

You see, the only thing
bigger than a king...

is a god.

You think you're a god?
I'm the one who's thriving,
Dennis.

I mean, look at me.

You look like you're covered
in Hawaiian Punch.

Yeah?

- Yeah.
- Mmm.

I am the god
of my own universe,
Charlie.

I decide my own reality,
and I've decided all
of your realities as well.

So, you see, I unplugged it.

You... unplugged reality?

I don't understand
what he's saying.
Me neither.

I just... I deleted
all of your characters
from the game.

- What?
- I erased all your people.

- How did you do that?
- Well, it was easy.

You guys all have the same
password... "paddyspub."
Shit.

Oh, that's my password
for everything.
Mine too.

Yeah.
Why would you do that though?

Why would you delete
our characters?

Because the goddamn game
was irritating to me.

I thought it was really stupid,
and it really is just, you know,

sort of that simple,
so I ended the game, you know.

That's the end.

Doesn't have to
be a whole big thing
every single time, you know.

That's life.
That's just sort of how...
how shit goes.

Sometimes things
just sort of... end.

♪ All night long ♪
♪ All night ♪

♪ All night
All night long ♪

♪ All night ♪
♪ All night ♪

♪ All night long ♪
♪ All night ♪

♪ All night ♪
♪ All night ♪

♪ All night long ♪
♪ All night ♪

♪ All night ♪

♪ All night ♪
♪ All night ♪

♪ All night ♪
♪ All night ♪

♪ All night ♪
♪ All night ♪

♪ All night ♪
♪ All night ♪

♪ All night ♪
♪ All night ♪

♪ All night ♪

♪ All night ♪
♪ All night ♪

♪ All night ♪♪