All language subtitles for diagnosis_murder_s05e09_must_kill_tv

Sexual Surrogate is a cutting -edge
drama about a dedicated therapist who

her body and soul to help families in
crisis.

You want me to buy a series about a
hooker?

She's a licensed healthcare
professional. It's a perfectly legal and

side of the medical profession we've
never seen before on television.

We're the Family Values Network,
remember?

Our viewers want people to go to angels,
not hookers, to solve their problems.

What about big man on campus?

A theology student with a Bible and a
badge.

Think Brad Pitt.

We don't have Brad Pitt.

Brad Pitt wasn't always Brad Pitt. For a
long time, he was just Brad Pitt.

Big man on campus is Hunter meets
Wiseguy on 21 Jump Street, and we have

Burley running the show.

Burley has not had a hit in 10 years.

Anthropologists should freeze him now so
people in the future can see what the

1980s were like. This is his big
comeback.

He's just delivered a pilot. It won't
kill you to see it.

Anything else?

Send Harry in. Yes, ma 'am.

We've got three more bags of this in the
mail room.

Imagine that. Mail in the mail room.

What's the point?

We're all from fans of space cops.

You mean fat women with unicorn jewelry
and elf statuettes, dreaming of finding

a man as affectionate as their cats.

The spaces are a very devoted group of
viewers.

In fact, research shows most are baby
boomers and their children, all of whom

fall comfortably into the 18 to 49
demographic.

Given time and patience, space cops
could become a multimedia phenomena.

Not even if it had Brad Pitt.

We have things to discuss. Walk with me.
I'm late to a taping.

Everybody hates me. They all want to see
me fail.

You're under enormous pressure. There's
no doubt about it. But you don't help

yourself by doing this.

They hate me because I'm so damn good?

You're my lawyer, not my publicist.

I am your oldest friend and your
sorority sister, which makes me one of

people who can say, what the hell were
you thinking? I can't just sit there and

let the entire TV industry trash me in
the press.

Yes, you can.

You can't lose.

The only way you'll go is if they fire
you. And if they do that, they still

to pay you the balance of a $15 million
contract.

It's not the money I care about. It's
the respect.

Money is respect in this business.

The salmon are running.

That's great, Dad. What are they running
from?

That was a joke.

Look, Dad, if I can remove a spleen, I'm
sure that I can bait a hook with a live

worm.

Okay, look, why don't we talk about it
when I get there?

Okay, I do, too.

You bet. Bye, Dad.

Visiting with your dad?

My vacation is coming up in a couple of
days, and I made the mistake of telling

him. Now he wants to spend a week with
me fishing in Oregon.

Well, that's great, isn't it?

I don't know. I mean, I haven't seen the
guy since my parents were divorced.

That's when I was in high school.

He's remarried. He's got step -sons.
He's got a big dog.

But he's not calling them. He's calling
you, and this is your opportunity to get

to know him.

What's the point now?

I remember you telling me that you
envied the father -son relationship that

Steve and Mark have.

I do.

Well, this is your chance to build your
relationship with your dad.

But I don't want to have that with my
dad. I want to have it with Steve's dad.

The two most enduring genres on TV are
cop shows and medical dramas.

You are a franchise.

A what?

You're serious.

I call it Dr. Danger.

He heals the sick, he deals the
scumbags. His weapons are a stethoscope

gun. Well, I don't have a gun.

Nuns don't fly, cars don't talk, and
angels don't look like Della Reese. So

what? I need you for the pitch to ground
the concept in reality.

That's what I'm talking about.

Good. Well, welcome aboard.

You know, this, uh...

sudden interest in my life. It wouldn't
have anything to do with Rachel Woodrow

being my patient, would it?

A year ago, you exposed my wife as a
sick, twisted, money -hungry murderer

sent her to prison.

That revelation tore my life apart.

By doing this project, maybe I can make
some of the pain go away.

I'm sorry.

I had no idea. No, it's... I keep it
locked inside.

But you know, a good pitch would
probably live Rachel's spirits. Not

Look, I'll tell you what I'll do.

I'll help you with your project on one
condition.

You leave Rachel alone until she's
healthy, until she's back at work.

You protect your patients because you're
a doctor who cares.

There's something like that.

Finding germs with medical science and
injustice with his fists.

Did you get a look at the driver?

It was a spacey.

Excuse me?

One of those obsessed space cop fans in
a Star Command uniform. I canceled the

show. They tried to kill you because of
a TV show.

TV is an intimate medium.

You let these characters come into your
house every week.

And for some people, the characters are
almost real.

I didn't cancel their favorite TV show.

I killed their closest friends.

Well, I'll look into it.

I think he's with you when you go.

Oh, no, no, no, no. I need those to stay
in touch with you often. I know.

The fax machine and TVs go next.

Dr. Sloan, you're killing me.

No, I'm not. These are.

You need to cut down on stress.

I thought you said that my condition had
stabilized.

Stabilized, yes.

But you have high blood pressure. You
have a family history of heart disease.

You need rest.

It's pilot season, Dr. Sloan.

That kind of a mindset is going to drive
you right to a heart attack, my friend.

Karen, explain this to him.

Dr.

Sloan. Rachel's ambition her entire life
has been to become the top programming

executive at a major network.

She hasn't slowed down one second
getting there.

It's time she did.

Traitor. I'll be back later.

It's a good thing you knew about the
nitroglycerin pills.

We were in the same sorority in college,
Dr. Sloan.

We didn't have any secrets from each
other.

You know, I have one for you, Karen.

That attack was just a warning.

She has got to take it easy.

You think she will?

Well, only if the next guy who tries to
run her over doesn't miss.

Dave Spacecock, this is Normak.

Yes, you can.

Welcome aboard, Lieutenant Sloan.

I'm always glad to assist a fellow
officer.

And, uh, you are?

High Admiral of the UEO.

United Extraterrestrial Operation.

I met here on Earth.

In the real world?

What's it say on your driver's license?

Oh, uh, Ernie Cooley.

What is all this, Ernie?

We're mounting an international campaign
throughout fandom to save space cops.

We're spamming the internet. We're
leafleting the SF convention.

You're running over network executives?

Who do you think we are, Babylon 5 fans?
Each of us has sworn to uphold the

space cop creed. To protect those of
other races, other places, other faces.

take justice and peace to the furthest
edges of space and beyond.

Beyond.

I get your point, Ernie, but whoever
tried to kill Rachel Woodrow was wearing

one of these uniforms.

Clearly this is an attempt to besmirch
the species.

Anyone can wear the uniform, but not
everybody can embody it and the ideals

represents. You're right.

You're right.

I don't deserve to wear the patch.

Someone had to stop her from destroying
the universe.

I'm just sorry I failed.

You do all know that this is just a TV
show, right?

Don't leave here one minute earlier than
necessary.

You're much more important to us than
any network schedule.

Thank you, Carl. I really appreciate
that.

We're behind you 1 ,000%. You're very

lucky to have such an understanding
boss.

He's a viper.

Relax. Regroup.

Center yourself.

Those are code words for don't bother
looking over your shoulder. The knives

already in your back.

I had no idea the television business
was so brutal.

Doggy dog and all the dog's puppies.

You ever think of doing something else?

When can I get out of here?

Well, Rachel, I was going to release you
today. Good, because I was going to

leave in two minutes anyway.

Rachel, I have told you, you have to
slow down.

You've got to cut down on the stress.

I'm the first woman to run a network.

If I suddenly slow down, this is going
to confirm everything that they already

think.

That I can't take the pressure.

That I'm too fragile. Too weak for the
job.

I'm afraid that's the truth.

I'm going to send an assistant to pick
up all this stuff.

Thank you very much, Dr. Sloan, for
everything.

Hey,

there you are.

What's up?

Well, you know, I'm supposed to go on
vacation tomorrow.

Great. Have a wonderful time. The thing
is, I think I picked the wrong month to

go. Statistics clearly prove that more
patients come in now than any other time

of the year.

Oh, I think we'll manage.

Well, I think you may want to look at
these statistics yourself. And while

you're doing that, I'm going to call my
travel agency and see if I can get

another flight.

You're that eager to avoid seeing your
father?

I would rather spend a week in
proctology.

Calling. Doctor.

Danger. That's trusty assistant Derek.
It's Jesse.

Derek is better, trust me. So, I got a
pitch with Rachel. Meet you at her

today at three.

Rachel? She just left here.

Shows you how eager she is to snap this
up before CBS gets it.

Hey, Troy works too.

Walk with it, roll with it, see how it
plays.

Jackson Burley.

Writer, producer of My Gun Has Bullets
and the Young Barnaby Jones Chronicles?

I don't think I saw them.

Even if you live in a cave, you can get
cable.

Join our culture, Mark. It's fun.

Jack, how's it going?

Well, I took the back road up, but I
will not bite the fat lady's bullet when

the preacher sings for me.

Oh, same goes triple for me.

What did he say?

I have no idea, but I agree with him
wholeheartedly.

So, uh, you here to pitch Rachel? She's
screening my pilot.

Big man on campus. That's a man with two
N's.

He's a theology student with a 4 .0
average and a .357 magnum. Oh, you know,

I... I heard the buzz on that is so high
you can get altitude sickness just

talking about it. Used to be I didn't
have to wait for anybody.

Got a 22 -episode commitment for my
grocery list.

You know, I think I saw that show.

This is our third date, Cindy. I need
more from you.

I'm not that kind of girl.

And I'm not that kind of guy.

Then what is it you want?

I want to know you.

To understand you.

To touch your soul before I touch your
body.

You are different from all the other
boys.

Maybe I can show you who I really am.

What I truly believe in.

in a sorority to satanic cult. It's not
a cult.

It's an alternative lifestyle.

No. Open your black heart to Satan, TJ.

We have...

Jack, you know CPR?

Are you kidding? I've done five medical
shows. Call an ambulance.

Blow out the candles on your pinogram,
baby.

You're all under arrest.

What? This sucks.

She's dead.

Worse than I thought.

It's pretty cut and dry.

She died of a heart attack, Mark.

Well, Rachel knew she was at high risk
for coronary problems.

It was a death that didn't have to
happen. Oh, in more ways than one.

I found glucose under her tongue.

Glucose? The nitroglycerin pills were
replaced with sugar pills. This was

murder. Did you say murder?

Hey, isn't that Rachel Woodrow? Jesse,
we can handle it.

Well, not without my help.

We need someone to negotiate the...

Labyrinthian quarters of power at NBC?

Jesse, you haven't had a vacation in
over a year now, and you don't want to

your dad down.

But the investigation.

We'll tell you all about it when you get
back.

Have a good time.

Did he say labyrinthian?

We know you're the best person for the
job.

I really appreciate the support, Carl.

Rest assured, we're behind you 1 ,000%.
Thank you.

My way of saying that you cracked
through the wall without shaving the

off the cake, baby.

Thanks. I just wish it happened
differently.

Rachel was like a sister to me.

Well, Rachel was the glory and the hope.

The fire that burns and the flowering
rose that stings the least.

And the way to honor her memory is to
deliver a kick -ass schedule.

Well, that's my commitment to her and to
this network.

So, uh... Where are you putting, uh...

Big man on campus.

Oh, sorry, Jack. It's passe.

Well, it wasn't passe yesterday.

Nothing is passe yesterday. This is
today.

The show just wasn't hip anymore. I need
fresh ideas.

Look, I leveraged my whole studio to
produce this pilot. If I don't get

something going, my deficits are going
to kill me.

You want hip?

I got something so cutting edge.

The new Peter Pan.

He's a fairy.

With an attitude.

He had a fash.

It's too early to be developing for mid
-season. Come back in a couple months.

I don't have a couple of months.

Thanks for the flowers, Jack.

Revealing from the sudden death of
controversial MBC president Rachel

today TV's biggest stars share their
poignant memories of her brief,

life. Well, you know, Rachel tried to
get Family Matters for MBC.

She had this bizarre idea that she was
going to revitalize the show.

Erkel and Winslow for hire.

Tough, gritty private eyes taming the
mean streets with their unique brand of

crime fighting.

You know, she saw it as a drama. You
know, the way, uh, Lou Grant left Mary

Tyler Moore.

Hey, it worked for me.

You got my message?

Beginning to wonder.

What message?

I forgive you for being late. Bringing
Steve was a masterstroke.

You got your badge and your gun with
you?

What are you doing here?

Well, you don't think you could pitch
this alone, do you?

Pitching is a gift, my friend, and you
just don't have it.

Now, Paige is waiting.

I'll do the talking, you fill in the
gaps. We came to investigate a murder.

Not bad.

Try to be more convincing in the room.
Rachel Woodrow was killed.

No problem.

That will give our picture immediacy and
various similitude.

You must be Dr. Danger.

Dr. Mark Sloan, medical consultant with
the police department.

That's me. It's his son. They live
together, too, which brings the

home. We're investigating Rachel
Woodrow's murder.

Someone switched her heart medicine with
sugar pills.

A sweet way to die. That could be our
pilot.

We're going to need all of her
appointment books and belongings.

Help yourself. They're boxed up in the
hallway.

You know, you've redecorated the office
nicely.

Is that your way of saying it didn't
take me long to move in?

Friendly as Santa, but cunning as a
ferret, isn't he?

It's pilot season, Dr. Sloan.

I don't have time to mourn. I have to
create a primetime schedule.

Sounds like Rachel's murder provided you
with a career opportunity.

Yes, it did.

Ouch. Do you feel the heat? It'll
radiate off the screen.

Did Rachel have any enemies?

She made careers and broke them. Of
course she had enemies. If I'm any good

this, so will I. What about death
threats?

Lance, could you have the mailroom
prepare Rachel's hate mail for Detective

Sloan? Right away, Miss Jennings.

You can pick it up on your way out. The
executive mailroom's last door before

the elevator.

Thank you for the time.

We'll be back.

Now that is a series.

Excuse us, this is the mail room. The
heart of the network.

Barry Fellows, manager information
services and operations.

Which is a fancy way of saying the mail
guy.

You seem awfully well dressed for mail
men.

Oh, we have to stay presentable at all
times.

We deliver mail, faxes, and packages to
every office in this building, from the

CEO to the lowest development executive.
And if you want any of those jobs, you

start here.

They all did.

You know, all the executives seem so...
Young?

Well,

youth is more important in TV than
experience.

Rachel went from here to running the
network in three years.

That's the rise and fall I've seen in my
three decades here.

She didn't fall. She was pushed.

Steve Sloan, homicide.

We're here to get Rachel's hate mail.

Save us the trouble of shredding it.

That's all for Rachel? For the month.

Need some help down with it? That'd be
nice.

Okay.

Hey, could you give these guys a hand?

What are you doing here anyway, Jesse?
You're supposed to be fishing with your

dad. Well, I've gone undercover to help
you guys explore the... The labyrinthian

corridors that powered NBC.

You're not an undercover cop, Jess. This
is fraud.

No, it's not. I got this job honestly,
based on my own qualifications.

You told them you were a surgical
resident at Community General? Oh, you

did. You need a master's or better just
to get an interview.

Competition is brutal.

You know, we don't know a thing about
politics and network television anyway.

Maybe having a guy on the inside is a
good idea.

Jesse Travis.

Man on the inside.

Sounds like a series.

See, I'm picking up the attitude
already.

You got enough attitude.

You pick up on anything else?

Well, Harry told you that Rachel rose
faster than anybody else. Paige just

that record, thanks to Rachel's death.

See, it all fits a pattern.

Anybody who gets in Paige's way is
either fired or they quit. One way or

another, they're gone.

You think she'd resort to murder?

Well, like I said, it's pretty brutal.

And you know Jackson Burley, the guy who
wrote Big Man on Campus?

Anyway, he was supposed to write Jack
Blood, Action 5th.

Great movie. Excellent movie.

$150 million and counting.

Anyway, Rachel didn't let him out of his
exclusive contract to write it because

he had to finish writing the last three
episodes of the young Barnaby Jones

Chronicles. And when he did, she
canceled it.

I think Jesse just done us a big favor.

isn't just another basic cable action
show.

We're rewriting the grammar of
television.

I had no idea.

Yes, that's why Rachel Woodrow didn't
buy it.

She didn't have the guts to
revolutionize the medium.

Now that she's gone, network TV will
have more shows with an edge.

Well, dead cops coming together to make
one great crime fighter.

Franken -cop!

I thought you picked a good day to
visit. We're doing the big mud wrestling

sequence this afternoon.

You know, 20 years, they're going to be
saying Frank and Cop in the same breath

with Police Story, Hill Street Blues,
Airwolf.

You know, Rachel, she could have had
this.

She lacked a vision.

Rachel could have had a lot of things.
What she lacked was nitroglycerin pills.

Someone switched them with sugar pills
and killed her.

You think I look good for that?

You were the last person to see her
alive. You could have switched the pills

during your meeting.

Why would I do that?

It cost you a movie career and then
canceled your show.

Let me rephrase that.

Why would I do that when she hadn't
decided whether to pick up Big Man on

campus? She was watching the pilot when
she died.

Revenge?

You know, they got a lot of guts in
basic cable.

I don't know, but it takes a whole lot
more than just guts.

What they don't have is money.

And I'm deficit financing this whole
thing.

I really need a network show to generate
cash flow.

Like they say, you can walk the talk,
but don't run the gun if you can't stand

the hand.

What did I always say? I swear by the
goo that the anthro -bio -mebicide who

canceled the greatest show in the
universe will feel my wrath and tremble

my righteous fury.

Unbelievable.

Telling me, a fan base that devoted is
something showrunners can only dream

about. What kind of a person would write
that?

Clearly someone who doesn't live by the
space cop's creed. Huh?

To protect other races and other faces.

3 ,000 people write in trying to save
the show. I figured it's worth a look.

The question is, is it worth a life?

Well, the outer space law enforcement
theme specifically targets the key young

urban males that advertisers crave and
the rugged... character of captain

is tremendously appealing to women 25 to
49.

well whoever did it had to have access
to her office in order to switch the

pills well according to her calendar
here that's just about everybody in the

television business i tell you during
pilot season network president is the

popular person in the world and the
loneliest what you

wanted an inside perspective i'm giving
it to you we're still waiting for

something useful

Rachel's first development season was
going to be her last.

Rachel was on her way out?

Who told you that?

No one told me. I saw the pilot she
ordered.

Okay, look at it. You tell me what you
think. These are pages from the pilot

that she was watching just before she
died. It's T .J. Mann's first date,

And he takes this gal back to her
sorority. And he says, I need to know

touch your soul before I touch your
body.

Let me see that.

I need that, too.

But I can't have sex for free anymore.

It's $2 .50 a pop.

And if you're paying by check, I need
two forms of ID.

Let me see that.

I don't believe it.

We just found the murder weapon.

Rachel Woodard was killed by this pilot.

The address is CBS.

Welcome home.

Okay, you got me. How does a TV pilot
become a murder weapon?

It was what killed her. The sugar pills
were just to ensure that it was fatal.

But how could the killer know that she
would have been alone when she reached

for the pills?

Everyone knew that Rachel insisted on
watching the tapes by herself.

She's seen so many bad pilots.

I mean, if Slim and the Nun didn't kill
her, why would Big Man on campus?

This one was made especially for her.

Look at these pages.

Okay, sorority call girls. It's tacky,
but it's nothing that Melrose Place

hasn't done.

That's not what's on the tape.

Open your black heart to Satan, T .J.

We have.

Thank you for coming in, Ms. Danino.

It would be in your best interest to
come to the police station.

What the hell is that supposed to mean?

I figured you wouldn't want to be in
your office when we discuss Satan.

I have no idea what you're talking
about.

Then my mistake.

Sorry for the inconvenience.

I'll just come to your office if I have
any more questions about Satan.

If one word of this leaks out, my
lawsuit will bankrupt

your department.

Ms. Danino, your religious practices are
your own business.

I'm just interested in Rachel Woodrow's
murder.

Rachel was murdered?

By whom?

Someone who knew that your college
sorority was full of devil worshippers.

We weren't a cult.

Sure, we rose to the occasional goat in
the moonlight, but aside from the Latin

chant and the naked dancing, it was like
any other barbecue.

Bunch of wholesome co -eds out to some
good, clean fun on a Saturday night.

We were 18 and away from home for the
first time.

Trying to rebel against our parents.

By worshipping the devil.

No one took it seriously at the time.

It wasn't until we were out in the real
world that we realized how stupid we had

been. And how damaging it would be if
anyone ever found out.

To a lawyer in a prestigious firm, I can
understand. But the entertainment

industry seems to be a little more
tolerant of...

Alternative lifestyles.

Sure. Do drugs, forge checks, sleep with
your sister. Nobody in Hollywood cares.

But you light one lousy black candle.

Can you confirm what TV's harshest
critics have been saying all along?

Don't think that Rachel and I didn't
joke about it in the privacy of her

There are people in the flyover states
who believe that shows like Married But

Available and His and Hers and Hers are
deliberate attempts to undermine this

nation's moral values.

And if they found that the woman who'd
put those shows on the air was

worshipping the devil... Even the USA
network wouldn't have touched her.

Yeah.

Sadness? Mm -hmm.

They're a college sorority. That mean
anything to you?

Yeah, it means, uh, Rachel Woodrow sold
her soul to the devil, but she still

couldn't pick a hit TV show.

I'm glad you find death so amusing,
especially since your pilot may have

her. Well, that's good writing.

That's murder.

We find out that script was deliberately
changed to trigger the heart attack.

Listen.

You can floor both pedals, but you can't
jam the rooster if he's looking down

the speculum.

I'll assume that wasn't a confession.

The only thing I'm guilty of is taking
the worst story notes I ever heard.

Jeez, that whole Satan angle, that
wasn't my idea.

Your name was on the script.

My script was a tone poem about fragile
innocence meeting the brutal... The

reality of the cold streets.

So why did you change hookers to Satan
worship?

Because you don't ignore a network
president's notes and hope she'll pick

your pilot.

Rachel Woodrow told you to change it to
Satanists?

She didn't have the guts to tell me
directly.

I got the facts right here.

And you just happened to keep the memo
all this time?

You saw the pilot, wouldn't you?

We have a few questions for you, Miss
Jennings.

About Rachel Woodrow?

Spending her leisure time bowing down
before Beelzebub?

You knew all along.

When I worked for her, I thought she was
the devil.

I just found the truth out when
reporters started calling about three

Fifteen minutes after I told Jackson
Burley.

It's a small -town detective. No secret
lasts for long.

Especially if it's faxed in the form of
script notes.

That is your fax number, isn't it?

The show based on those notes caused
Rachel's fatal heart attack.

If I'd known Rachel was a Satanist, I
wouldn't have to kill her to get this

I could have called entertainment
tonight.

Unless you really hated her.

Especially if I really hated her.

You can give me that steely cop sterile
you want, detective. It's not going to

change the fact that I didn't know.
Rachel barely trusted me with the

alone her deepest secret.

You didn't have to.

This room's booked.

The hottest story in primetime is full
of bizarre twists, mysterious betrayals,

and satanic rituals.

But don't turn on your TV looking for
it. This isn't fiction. It's what's

happening behind the scenes of network
television.

Everyone is talking about fifth -place
network NBC, which is reeling from the

revelation that the Nets' late
president, Rachel Woodrow, was a Satan

and may have been murdered.

What was your relationship with Rachel
Woodrow? Yeah, it's painful to talk

it, but she wanted me to do a buddy cop
show called Siamese Cop.

But there was no way I was going to
spend five years sharing a suit with

Baio. Were you surprised to find out
about her secret past?

Well, I think it explains how the Anson
Williams show got on the air.

What do you think about the scandal?

An urge towards Satanism is much like
any other antisocial behavior, a

against the status quo, a way to say,
look at me.

I'm different.

Can a Satan worshiper make it as a
network executive?

The network president is a Satanist?

Someone murders her with a pilot? Sounds
like a great TV movie.

You know, people have said that I look
just like her.

Well, this mystery just continues to
grow and grow.

How bad is it out there?

Oh, let's just say there's sometimes I'm
really glad I'm not in the executive

suite.

I tell you, that's the one good thing
about this job. Nobody ever blames the

in the mail room.

You think so?

At the 6 .30 delivery?

It is now 7 .15. Wait another 10 minutes
before you deliver it, and then see if

nobody ever blames the guy in the mail
room.

If I had any idea she was so troubled, I
never would have offered her the job.

Did Paige ever mention suicide?

Well, she once said she'd rather be dead
than work with Tom Arnold again, but

other than that, I never heard anything.
So you have no idea why she would have

killed herself?

Job stress.

I'm telling you, running a major network
is probably the most stressful job in

the world.

I can see how watching TV all day would
be tougher than police work or emergency

medicine. It's because the product is
entertainment doesn't mean the stakes

aren't high.

Every decision can mean millions of
dollars.

And because there are no objective
measures of quality in this industry,

never know if you've lost the touch.

Did Paige?

We'll never know.

Personally, I think she had.

I mean, honestly, guys, if you're going
to pick up a show like Sexual Surrogate,

isn't it much smarter to put it up
against a show like Touched by an Angel?

the audience a clear choice.

Look at this. Her Saturday night
programs are hopelessly incompatible.

woman did not have a clue how to fight
the other network sitcoms. What would

have done in her place?

Maybe we could arrange the schedule
after we determined why Paige Jennings

killed herself. She didn't, unless she
tied the computer cord around her neck,

jumped off the desk, and knocked herself
out with a blunt object.

Well, that would mean that it's murder.

And maybe this is why.

It's a page playing with the bugs.

How long have you been listening to
those tapes?

What?

Oh.

All night long.

I couldn't stop.

I mean, this is compelling stuff in
here. Drama, intrigue, sex.

Sex? Oh, lots of it. Most of it in
Paige's office and mostly with Jackson

Burley. Why would she bug her own
office?

I don't know. Why did Nixon?

I bet you his tapes weren't nearly as
entertaining.

But just as full of conspiracies and
cover -ups and secrets.

Paige had the dirt on every executive in
that building.

Well, now we know how she rose from the
mail room so fast.

Unfortunately, it doesn't narrow down
our list of suspects any.

There were at least a dozen people in
there with a motive to kill her. And I

hadn't even finished listening to the
tapes yet.

Lieutenant Frankenkopf comes to arrest
the psycho killer.

But what he discovers is he's got this
guy's brother's spleen smoldering in his

gut. The story arc is, how does a cop
deal with having a homicidal maniac's

internal organs?

Can't tell you how many times that's
happened to me.

Oh, we don't need another story
consultant.

No, you may need a legal one.

You were sleeping with Paige Jennings.

Oh, of course. I mean, she was
beautiful.

And she could greenlight development
projects.

And when Paige moved into Rachel's
place, she had the power to pick up your

and save your studio.

But you didn't do it.

Keep cranking, guys. I'll be right back.

Hey.

You're making the natives nervous.

They think there are no coconuts up in
the trees. They're going to want to move

to another village.

Losing your studio can be a powerful
motive for murder. And don't talk to me

about motives either. I've written more
cop shows than anybody.

And I couldn't have hung Paige.

I got carpal tunnel syndrome.

Check my medical records.

What do you think about Dr. Doolittle as
a private eye who hires animals as his

secret opponents?

Horrible.

Well, Rachel Woodrow ordered 13 episodes
if she could get Chad Everett.

Well, maybe she was killed by viewers
for quality television.

Yeah, I've heard them all. It's the last
tape. And? The one that's missing.

How do you know?

Karen Donino told you she talked to
Rachel in her office about their satanic

past? The tape isn't there.

Why would Paige keep the tapes on
everybody, including her own lovemaking

Jackson Burley, and not the one that
mattered most?

Yeah. And something else bothers me.

As Paige said, if she knew about
Rachel's secret, she'd just, uh...

Release it to the press. Why go to all
the trouble of scaring her to death?

Page always used what she knew against
people until she rose so fast at NBC.

You know that missing tape?

What if she never had it?

I don't follow you.

What if she wasn't the one who bugged
the office?

What if somebody gave her the tapes?

Someone with his or her own agenda to
have Rachel dead and Page in her place.

Yeah, and Page has reneged on a deal
somehow.

Yeah, but who?

We're no closer to the killer than we
were before.

What do these two murders have in
common?

Two beautiful women who started at the
bottom and ended up running a network.

And that's how we're going to flush out
this killer.

All done.

See you tomorrow, then.

What?

Oh, I don't know.

I just hate to leave this place.

Is your home life that troubled, son?

Oh, no.

It's just I'm learning so much here that
I feel like every second away is wasted

time. The network is a vast and complex
creature, Jesse.

It takes years just to realize how much
you have to learn.

Mastering it is the work of a lifetime.

Harry?

Mr. Everest.

Is everything all right?

Well, I hope so.

Harry, you know we need a new vice
president of development.

And you've come to warn us to expect a
flood of resumes.

Last time a job like this opened up,
four male boys got hernias.

Well, actually, we're not going to be
reading resumes this time.

You know, I need someone who's got their
finger on the pulse of the youth

culture, yet at the same time
instinctively understands the medium.

I'll do anything I can to help, sir.

Good.

Because I feel really bad taking such a
bright young assistant away from you.

How would you like to be the new vice
president of development?

Man sect.

What is that?

Look, I don't think being half man, half
moth really gives the guy that many

special powers.

No, I don't care if it is Greg Evigan.

Okay, lunch at Laguerre, you got it. Bye
-bye.

Mandy, how goes the medical biz, huh?
Let's talk while we eat. I'm starving.

Sorry, no time. Didn't my girl call your
girl?

I don't have a girl. You should get one.
They're great.

Look at this mess, huh? I got Bochco at
one, Spelling at two, Pauly Shore at

three. Aren't you forgetting someone?

Chad Everett, 2 .30.

I'm talking about your father. You're
supposed to be with him today.

Mandy, I can catch Salmon any day of the
week.

How often do I get to spend my vacation
programming a network?

Like father, like son.

My father didn't program a network.

No, but he always found a good excuse
for not seeing you. And I bet you

that you'd never be the same way.

This is different.

Amanda.

Derek, my buddy.

It's Jesse.

Oh, my good friend. Do I have a script
for you.

One minute. Go.

I like to call it Dr.

Danger. He listens to their hearts with
a stethoscope.

He answers their cry for vengeance with
his 357.

It needs work.

What kind of work?

Well, I see Dr. Danger as a young
resident, witty, charming, irresistible

chicks.

What about the doctor and his son, the
cop?

Huh, what about them?

Mail!

Uh, you know, Harry, why don't you just
put the scripts on the floor there and

put the mail in my girl's basket
outside? I'd like to talk to you.

You know...

I'd love to talk to you, Harry, but
right now I'm in the middle of a pitch,

got a five -minute window at four.

What is it with mailmen? Like all the
rest.

You all start in my mailroom, you all go
to the top, and did any of you ever

bring me with you?

Harry, I've had this job for three
hours. Give me a chance.

I've been here 30 years waiting to be
noticed, stuck in that windowless pit.

You've been here two days.

Two days, and you've got VP stripes in a
corner office.

Hold it, Harry.

Just what I thought.

You taught Rachel everything you knew,
thinking she'd get you out of that

mailroom. When she didn't, then you
pinned your hopes on Paige.

I did everything I could for her. You
bugged all the offices to give her the

dirt she needed to get ahead.

You even had Rachel removed by faking
the faxes to Jackson Burley so he'd

dramatize her secret.

So his promotion, it was just a trick?

I'm afraid so.

I figured if we promoted somebody with
no experience and no talent, you'd

Man, thanks a lot.

Put the gun down, Harry.

I hate television.

You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will be used

against you.

So how did you know it was him?

Well, whoever bugged the executive suite
and intercepted all of Rachel's taxes

had to be somebody who had access to
every office.

And that was just Harry.

And working with him in the mailroom was
the only connection between Rachel and

Paige.

Brilliant. You think that was good?

Wait till you see next week's episode.

I call it Dr. Danger.

Jesse, I didn't mean to say you didn't
have any talent.

So you want to see my fall lineup?

Call it Welcome Home.

He knew about my secret past.

You would have gotten away with it too,
if only you hadn't polished your

fingernails.

Read her her rights.

Oh, make sure that she gets one of these
pills three times daily.

It'll never work.