All language subtitles for diagnosis_murder_s04e16_murder_two_pt2

Previously on Diagnosis Murder... I will
not let you cut him open! It was not

your call to me, Eric!

You think I'm getting an abortion?

I am not supporting you or your child.

Bastard! ...to sue in both Jesse and the
hospital for medical malpractice. Mark,

you gotta help me find a lawyer.

Sure hope you remember our deal.

For every hot dog you eat, you promise
to walk a mile.

You won't be charged with murder.

Most of it is mass law.

No, it won't. When you hit him, he was
already dead.

I have to read you your rights.

What? Being charged with the murder of
Eric Spindler.

I told you, I don't know Eric Spindler.
I never spoke to him.

Now you see why this is so puzzling.

Oh, my God.

I can't believe it.

I can't believe it. I didn't know it was
Jack.

I don't want you to sit down.

I'm trying to kill you. I didn't know it
was.

Here, put this around you. Here, sit
down there.

Yeah, hold on.

I don't know how to thank you for saving
my life.

And I'm real sorry about your husband.

Why would he try to kill you?

I don't know.

This is really a jumble, isn't it?

Do you think this had to do with Eric
Spindler's death?

I mean, why else would he do this?

Debbie, why don't you go up to your
room?

Try to take it easy. Put your head down.

Do you think he killed him?

Yeah, but I can't for the life of me
figure out why.

Excuse me.

He's a friend of mine. Ben.

Ben.

Oh, no. It's okay.

I was really worried about you.

Mark called me from Los Angeles and he
said he never left a message for you and

I figured you were in trouble.

Are you okay?

Oh, boy. Does it hurt when you breathe?

Yeah.

Would you take a look at him?

What are you doing here? I'm making the
farthest house call in the history of

medicine. How are you feeling?

What's this right here? That's your
trapezius connected to the collarbone

Only part of my whole body that don't
hurt.

Things don't work like they used to. I
won't tell you about it.

Arthritis. Yeah.

Stenosis.

Bursitis.

Cardilage. Gone.

Gallbladder gone.

We still got our hair, Ben.

Yeah. I want to show you something.

Look at that. Steve found it in Eric
Spindler's safe.

You know who it's been in? Jack Gardner.
Now, maybe that's what he was looking

for in Eric's house.

Maybe he was looking for that.

Okay.

Barry McCarthy.

Now, that's Jack Gardner.

Where'd you get that?

Got it out of Jack Gardner's truck.

I bet you that's what he stole.

From Eric's house.

I bet you something else.

I bet you Eric Spindler's death is
somehow connected with Paul McCarthy's

murder. How?

A daggone fine note.

It's a mess, isn't it?

See that?

Take a good hard look at that.

That's Duke.

Duke is 6 '6", and he weighs 300 pounds.
He gave me this, and now he expects a

picture of me in return.

All right, Jesse, take it easy. Look,
I'll get you moved if that's what you

want. I wanted to get out of here.
Jesse, I'm working on it.

But I'm afraid I've got some good news
and some bad news for you. What do you

mean, bad news?

The bad news is somebody tried to kill
Ben.

Is he okay?

Yeah, he's fine.

And now my captain thinks there may be
more to this case. So he's going to let

me go up to Santa Barbara. I'm sorry,
but you said there's good news.

Well, Jesse, if... I'm working on it.

I never told anybody what you did to me.

Why would I tell anybody?

I guess you're embarrassed.

I'm not embarrassed.

I just never told anybody.

Mr. McCarthy, my name's Ben Matlock.
This is Mark Sloan. We're investigating

murder that took place in Los Angeles,
and it might be connected to your case.

Do you mind if we ask you some
questions?

Mr. Matlock, I'll talk to you until hell
freezes over, so long as I don't have

to go back to my cell.

The police tell us that you don't think
you murdered your wife.

Yeah, I was pretty juiced.

I don't remember that night well.

Well, could you tell us what you do
remember?

You never saw my wife.

Paula was a beautiful woman, but she had
a problem.

She was a flirt, and it got me nuts.

I gotta admit, I was drinking pretty
good.

Shots of tequila with beer chasers.

When I saw Paula dancing, I lost it.

And she wouldn't leave. I got a little
physical with her and pulled her

And outside, I... I guess it got worse.

You said, I got a little physical.

What you really mean is she hit her,
didn't you?

You'd hit her before, hadn't you?

And who is this guy?

I'm a physician from Community General
Hospital of Los Angeles.

Eric Spindler, the man who was murdered,
was a resident there.

I'm sorry if I offended you.

Community General?

I was just down there a number of months
ago. Dr. Weingarten fused a couple of

discs in my back.

I know Leo very well.

Could I... Oh, yeah, go ahead.

What happened when you got back to the
motel?

Well, I got a little fit.

A couple of times, then I went out and
really started drinking.

When I got back to the room, the police
were there, and

she was dead.

I swear to you, Mr. Matlock, I love
Paul.

No matter how drunk I got, I couldn't do
that to her.

What does the murder of some doctor in L
.A. got to do with the death of Paula

McCarthy?

We're not sure.

How is the case against Barry McCarthy?

Strong. Well, he says he was framed.

Barry McCarthy blew .24 the night of the
murder.

He was so drunk he didn't know his own
name, much less what happened.

Can we see the evidence?

Look, she's a pathologist. She does this
all the time.

As a professional courtesy, please.

Some of these hairs don't have roots.

And some of them do.

Some look like they were pulled out and
others cut.

Miss, his blood was found in the room.
He had scratches and bruises. And she

his blood and hair under her
fingernails. They had a fight. He admits

They had lots of fights. Yeah. And this
time, it got out of hand.

Something is wrong.

I'm with you.

Dad, even if those hairs look cut, they
still got a good case.

Barry McCarthy can't even remember.
Yeah, but something's missing.

What do you think, Ben?

Huh? What do you think?

Oh, I think my body craves some
spaghetti and meatballs.

Okay. The strongest evidence against
Barry is the blood and the hair found in

the room.

Yeah, all right.

Well, when Barry McCarthy said he was
operated on a community general, I got

thinking.

I found out that Eric Spindler assisted
on that operation.

Now, Eric could have very easily gotten
the blood and the hair that Jack Gardner

used to frame Barry.

Oh, come on. You mean in an operating
room full of people, Eric Spindler takes

out his scissors and cuts some of
Barry's hair and then yanks out a

That's not what he's saying. See, Barry
McCarthy had back surgery. He was so

doped up, Eric could have gone in his
room, danced on his chest. He never

have known the difference.

What did Eric have to gain in all this?
Why would he do it? I don't know. It's a

jumble, isn't it? It's a jumble.

Mr. Matlock.

What is it about me that keeps bringing
you back?

Oh.

I'll buy you a drink.

You know, every time I see you, things
seem to get worse.

I don't know how they could get much
worse than this.

What do you think?

Sure as I'm sitting here, I know that
your husband broke into Eric Spendler's

house after he died and stole a
videotape and newspaper clippings all

sister's murder.

No, I don't believe that.

I know it's hard to imagine.

But, uh, look at this.

This was taken with one of those
surveillance cameras at Community

Hospital in Los Angeles, November 25th.

I was wondering if you knew why Jack was
there that day.

I have no idea.

That's the day that Barry McCarthy was
operated on.

Maybe Jack went to visit him. Barry
didn't see him that day.

I'm lost.

Why do you think he was there? I'm sure
you have some sort of theory.

I have a feeling that all this has to do
with stealing Barry's hair and blood so

that he could be framed for your
sister's murder.

And you think Jack did that with this
doctor?

Yeah.

Thank you.

Ms. Gardner and I met with the
district's attorney and the chief of

asked that the investigation into Paul
McCarthy's death be reopened because,

well... New evidence has been found.
What new evidence? What about Barry

McCarthy? What's going on? It looks like
my husband was involved in the death of

my sister.

Now, why would your husband want to kill
your sister?

Well, I assume for money.

My father is a very thick man, and he
has a lot of money.

Now I'll inherit it all.

I

don't

buy that for a minute.

Just seems like she's trying to hang the
whole thing on Jack. I agree

completely.

Now that's right.

I have been right from time to time, you
know.

How are you holding up?

Not good, you know, not good at all.

How'd you get in here?

I told him I was your sister.

It's a joke. Would you lighten up?
You've got me in.

You've got to tell me honestly, what do
you think of this Matlock guy?

I think he's kind of sweet.

Sweet? That's not a quality that's going
to get me out of here.

I mean, do you think that it's hard
today? The guy never returns my calls.

That's because he's working on your
case, Jessie.

And I'm sure the man has worked on
hundreds of them. You know, it's just

maybe he's lost his step.

And I'm sure he's very... good, but he's
not a kid anymore. Neither is Mark, but

I don't think you'd want anyone else
operating on you if your life were at

stake. I'm just scared, you know.

I've never been this scared before.

It's gonna be all right.

No, I've never seen either of them.

Did you ever see him before at Eric's
house?

No, I never saw any of them.

Did he ever mention Jack or Debbie
Gardner or Paula McCarthy?

No, I never heard of them.

I find this very hard to believe.

I wanted to marry Eric.

I thought I knew him.

What you're saying is true. He was
involved in a murder and he helped frame

innocent man.

Captain Bryant, once you realized Eric
Spindler had been poisoned, what did you

do? We started investigating who else
had motive to kill him and an individual

jumped out of the pack.

And that would be?

The defendant.

What exactly made the defendant's motive
to kill Eric Spindler so compelling?

Eric Spindler was about to testify in a
medical malpractice suit that could have

ended the defendant's career as a
doctor.

When Dr.

Spindler died and could not appear as a
witness, the case against the defendant

had to be dropped.

In light of that, what did you do?

We re -examined the evidence in the
case.

And what did you find?

We found the defendant's fingerprints on
the bottle of wine that contained the

poison monocaine.

What did you do next?

We got a search warrant for the
defendant's apartment.

Did you find anything in the apartment?

Yes, we did. In the defendant's
bathroom, we found traces of monocaine,

that killed Dr. Spindler.

Thank you, Captain.

Your witness.

No questions, Your Honor.

They mean no questions.

Ask him something.

What do you want me to ask him?

He's a fine boy.

Ben, I just hope we get through this
okay. I hope so, too.

It must cost a fortune living here.

You know, when I moved out here,
everybody thought Malibu was too far

The property was dirt cheap.

I went through my records, Ben.

This will make us even.

Oh, no.

No, no, no, no, no. I don't want your
money.

This is for the exact amount. I thought
you'd be thrilled.

No, I don't want your money. You're not
getting off that easy.

Oh, I get it.

You want to hold this over my head the
rest of my life, don't you? It's the

thought.

We're excited, too. Diagnosis Murder
will be right back on PAX TV.

You're going to be all right. I got it.
Don't worry.

Really? Yeah.

Mr. Matlock?

I apologize to start out on such a...
Sad note.

But, well, isn't it true that almost
three months ago,

your sister Paula was found murdered in
a motel room in Santa Barbara?

Yes, that's correct.

And that her husband, Barry McCarthy,
was subsequently arrested and indicted

the crime.

That's true.

And you have recently come forward to
say...

publicly that you believe that Barry
McCarthy has been wrongly accused and

in fact, your husband, Jack, killed your
sister.

That's right.

Boy.

Implicating your own husband.

That must have taken an awful lot of
courage.

Well, I appreciate you saying that, but
the facts were pretty hard to ignore.

Facts? But Barry's hair and blood were
under your sister's fingernails.

That's true, but there's also strong
evidence that Jack was seen visiting

Community General Hospital on the day
that Barry was having surgery and that

took some of Barry's hair and blood in
order to frame him for the murder.

Oh, but with all the hospital security,
how'd he get in to get the hair and

blood?

I feel like I'm watching court TV, Your
Honor.

I mean, this is riveting stuff, but it's
got nothing to do with the Eric

Spindler murder.

I'm kind of with him, Counselor.

Well, Your Honor, I submit to you that
the murder of Paul McCarthy and the

murder of Eric Spindler are very closely
related. If you'd just grant me a

little leeway.

I'll give you a little, Mr. Matlock.

But we're talking... Thank you. Thank
you.

You went to Barry McCarthy's preliminary
hearing, didn't you?

Yes. Would I be accurate to say the
presumption in the case was that Mr.

McCarthy saw his wife Paula flirting and
dancing with a man at a bar called

Rowdy's and that he went into a drunken
rage and later killed her?

That was pretty much the case against
him.

Barry McCarthy has a reputation of being
a very jealous man, doesn't he? Oh,

yeah.

Mr. Kravitz, would you please stand?

Yeah. You know this man? Yes, I do.

Is this the man who's dancing with your
sister?

Yeah, it's Nick Kravitz. I've known him
for years.

Yeah. In fact, you invited him to
Rowdy's to meet your sister, didn't you?

Yes, I introduced him. Yeah.

And why?

He wanted to meet my sister.

But you just said she was married to a
very jealous man, yet you go ahead and

introduce her to a handsome single
friend of yours. It's almost as if you

baiting Barry McCarthy, as if you were
trying to make him enrage so he'd do

he always did to your sister when he got
drunk and angry.

No, that's not true.

It wasn't just Jack who framed Barry
McCarthy.

He needed you to make sure he was out of
his mind with rage.

Mike!

Objection. Mr. Matlock, this has now
turned into this.

A new line of questioning.

Yes, sir.

Did you know Eric Spindler?

No. Ever talk to him on the phone?

No. But he did call your hotel six
different times the day before he was

didn't he?

I got six messages from him, yes.

Yeah. Let me ask you something.

You have a home in Santa Barbara.

Yet, when I saw you working the other
day, you were staying in a hotel. Why?

My house is about an hour away from the
location.

It's easier to stay at a hotel. It saves
time.

That makes sense.

This is a copy of your phone bill for
the month of January.

Now, underlined in yellow is a 12
-minute call made on January 9th. Did

that call?

No, I didn't.

Well, if you didn't make the call, who
did?

I suspect Jack made the call, Mr.
Matlock.

I already told you. I believe Jack got
Barry's blood and hair from Eric

Spindler. They were partners. That's
probably what they were talking about on

the phone.

Okay.

Yes. Hang on.

Hang on.

Would you please tell the court what
this is?

It's Jack's hotel bill from the Royal
Vancouver.

And the date?

January 9th.

So how could Jack place a call from your
house if he was in Vancouver?

Look, I didn't make that call, and I
don't know who did.

You're a wealthier woman now that your
sister's dead, aren't you? You get her

share of the inheritance.

I did not kill my sister.

You and Jack did.

And Eric Spindler gave you the blood and
hair to frame her husband.

Why are you doing this to me?

I don't understand. I saved your life.
This is how you repay me?

Young lady, you will please confine your
answers to the questions asked of you.

It's all right, Your Honor.

She did save my life, and she deserves
an answer.

I believe that you told Jack to kill me,
and that you

purposely drowned him.

It's part of your plan. Get rid of him
and frame him for the murder of Eric

Spindler.

That is so untrue.

We'll see about that.

It wasn't Jack who spoke to Eric
Spindler. You're the one who made that

-minute call. You're the one who spoke
to him on the phone.

No, I didn't.

If you didn't make the call, then who
did, Debbie?

It wasn't me.

Who made the call?

Do you want to scoot, Mr. Matlock?

It couldn't have been me who made the
call either. I was on a plane.

Oh, come on.

I was on a private plane to Mexico.

Why didn't you say that in the first
place?

It wasn't relevant.

Where in Mexico? Was there a flight
plan?

Your Honor. I flew to Zamora, okay?

Zamora? Where's Zamora?

Two hours due south of Guadalajara.

Check it out. Check out the airport.

I was there.

Jesse, everything's not okay.

I got a bad feeling she's telling the
truth.

No criminal record.

One year at the Houston City College.

Born 1970 in Oklahoma City.

Two years on a rodeo circuit.

And the guy at the rodeo association
said that Debbie could have been a real

star if she'd stuck around.

How's it going?

It's not.

Anything come for me today?

No. Were you expecting something?

You'll know it when you see it.

Go on, Debbie.

She moved to L .A. in 1993, lives in the
valley in Granada Hill.

California driver's license, one
speeding ticket.

Had a 1992 Corvette, black, registered
in her name.

Married Jack Gardner in 1991.

He was born and raised in Banning, New
Mexico.

Quit high school after his junior year.
No criminal record. Worked as a... Wait

a minute. I know someone from Banning,
New Mexico.

Yeah? Yeah.

Forensics were already here. They found
a monarchy in Jesse's bathroom.

That's it.

You know, these doctors turn out to be
pretty good investigators.

Maybe he'd like to take one back to
Atlanta with him.

What's your father doing?

I've given up asking.

If you can't get past the locks on the
front door or the sliding glass doors,

you'd have to be mighty tall to get in
those windows.

I believe I can.

Don't wait, Ben. It's broken.

Oh, would you look at that.

I guess it's, uh... Pretty ironic that
you're testifying in this case.

You were actually the first person
charged with Eric Spender's murder,

you? Yes, I was.

Would you tell the court how that
happened?

Eric and I were practically engaged when
I discovered I was pregnant.

Much to my surprise, Eric didn't want to
have anything to do with the child.

We had several fights about it, and then
on the day he died, we had an enormous

fight at his house.

He threw me out, and he told me he never
wanted to see me again.

I was completely flipped out when I
left. I came out the door, and I bumped

right into Eric's neighbor, Eddie Price.

Are you all right?

I hate him.

Did you have a fight?

He's out of control. I don't know what I
said to him.

I'm sure it wasn't very nice.

And then I... I went home, had a couple
drinks, and I got even angrier.

At some point, I called Eric. I'm not
sure why.

And when he hung up on me, I went nuts.

I decided to go back to his house.

You have to understand, I have always
wanted a child.

I wanted a family.

He was ruining everything that I had
dreamed of.

was so angry when he didn't answer the
door. I knew where he hid a key and I

myself in.

I kept yelling his name and he wouldn't
answer.

When I saw him laying there, I just went
berserk and I picked up a lamp and I

threw it at him.

That's when you called the police and
turned yourself in.

I thought I killed him.

But then you were released when the
autopsy showed that Dr. Spender had been

poisoned and was dead when you entered
the house.

That's correct.

I guess what they say about the truth
being stranger than fiction is pretty

correct.

I guess.

Certainly the strangest case I've ever
been on.

Are you aware that the police found a
picture of Jack

Gardner in his floor safe?

Yes, I am.

Oh, that's right. You're the one who
told them.

So look in that safe, see?

No, actually, I told them that my
earrings might be in the safe.

Oh. But when they showed you this
picture, you said you didn't know this

that right?

Yes, it is. It turns out Jack Gardner
grew up in a little town, Banning, New

Mexico.

Ms. Murtico, where did you grow up?

Say, where were you raised?

Banning, New Mexico.

Well, is that a coincidence?

The two people in a town of, what, 8
,000? And you say you never ran into

Well, if I did, I don't remember.

Are you now saying you might have met
him?

No, no, no. I'm saying that it's
possible that we could have met. I just,

don't remember it.

You want to hear another coincidence?

Mrs. Padilla's Spanish class, 11th
grade.

14 students.

Guess who two of those students were?

For weeks now, I believed that Eric
Spindler conspired with

Jack Gardner to murder Paula McCarthy.

I believed that Eric Spindler got Barry
McCarthy's blood and hair so that Jack

Gardner could frame him.

That's what you and Debbie wanted me to
believe, wasn't it?

I was wrong.

So how much... Money did Jack and Debbie
give you for that hair and blood?

Half a million?

What? Well, their inheritance was in the
millions.

You are completely out of line.

Only Eric found out, didn't he?

This is ridiculous.

We know Eric assisted in the operation
on Barry McCarthy's back. We know he had

that news tape showing Barry being
arrested for Paula's murder. On that

tape. It was Jack Gardner pretending to
comfort Barry.

We know he called Debbie. He asked for
her by name six different times the day

before he was murdered.

We know he had this picture. Jack
Gardner in his safe.

I imagine you thought nobody saw you
talking with Jack Gardner at the

But Eric saw you, didn't he?

He got suspicious.

He started to nose around.

And he was about to close in on you.

And that's why you killed him.

Objection. Before you start jumping up
and down, I got proof.

You have no proof because there isn't
any proof.

Your Honor.

Go ahead.

Mr.

Murdoch, you were brilliant.

Absolutely brilliant.

You knew if Eric Spindler were murdered,
you'd be the prime suspect.

Your problem started after you poisoned
Eric.

You ran out of the house and ran into
Edward Price.

He could place you at the scene of the
crime.

And that's when you came up with this
amazing idea.

You made it appear that you killed him
hours later when it would never occur to

anyone that you were the one who had
poisoned him hours earlier.

When you went back to his house, it's
not exactly the way you told him.

You made a lot of noise, yeah.

But this time, you wanted Edward Pryor
to know you were in there. It was

essential that he know you were in
there.

You did call Eric from your apartment to
make it seem like he was still alive.

He didn't hang up on you. He was dead.
You were talking to his answer machine,

knowing that that would appear on your
phone bill. When you went in his house,

you erased your voice from that answer
machine tape.

You put the headphones on him so it
would appear he couldn't hear you.

Turn off that music and look at me!

I said look at me!

And then you hit him with a lamp,
knowing that Edward Price would catch

knowing the autopsy would show he was
already dead.

And the motive had nothing to do with
the fact that you were pregnant. It was

that Eric knew you were involved in
Paula McCarthy's murder.

Eric saw you talking to Jack Gardner at
the hospital, didn't he?

I told you I don't know Jack Gardner.
Did you go to work January 9th?

I have no idea.

This is the payroll record from...

Community General Hospital.

Just read what it says right here about
you on January 9th.

I apparently took a sick day. What was
wrong?

I honestly don't remember.

Well, maybe I can jar your memory.

This is a credit card receipt for a new
tire.

Signed by you on January 9th in Santa
Barbara. So I guess you were in Santa

Barbara.

So what?

You were at Debbie Gardner's house,
weren't you?

You were the one that made that 12
-minute call to Eric Spindler from

house, weren't you?

No. But Debbie was on a plane to Mexico.
What were you doing hanging around her

house waiting for her? I told you I
wasn't in her house. Could be because

only place you can get monocaine is
Mexico, and you were waiting for her to

return to give you that deadly poison.

That you were going to use on Eric
Spindler.

My God, no.

You were Jack's contact at Community
General.

You're the one who got Barry's hair and
blood.

Objection. Proof, Your Honor. Where is
this proof? Okay, proof, proof, proof,

proof, proof, proof. Mr. Matlock.

Yes, sir.

Proof.

I, uh, I, I noticed you're wearing a
pantsuit today.

Do you always wear pants?

A lot of the time.

Could it be that you have a bruise or a
scrape or something that you're trying

to hide?

I have nothing to hide.

So if I ask you to pull your pants leg
up to your knees, would you do it?

No, of course not.

I didn't think so.

The reason I asked was that in order for
you to frame Jesse Travis,

you had to break into his apartment.

steal a bottle of wine any bottle of
wine his fingerprints were on all of

and plant a little bit of monocaine in
his bathroom but the problem the front

door had two big locks and then the
sliding door had one of those those bars

down you can't open it and and and the
windows were up high too high for me and

i'm i'm taller than you but you were a
woman with purpose and ingenuity oh

Ms. Mardico, would you... What is your
blood type?

You're a nurse. You must know your blood
type.

Type AB negative.

AB negative.

That's pretty rare, isn't it?

It's rare. It's not uncommon.

Well, the reason I ask that is... This

chair was taken from a patio by my
client, Jesse

Traverson. What?

And I believe you stood on this chair to
get through an open window, steal that

wine, and plant that poison. But this
chair is wicker.

And it gave way.

And the wicker cut your leg.

Here, would you, this police report,
just

read what's highlighted here in yellow.

Read so we can all hear.

The tests show conclusively that the
blood on the chair is type AB negative.

That's your blood type.

From the cut you've got trying to break
into my clients apart.

So I'll ask again.

Would you pull your pants legged up so
we could see the cuts?

Well, if there's no mark, I'm wrong and
you have nothing to lose.

What's that?

Thought you'd be celebrating.

It's amazing.

You work with someone for years. I think
you know them.

Jerry was evil.

You know, she didn't just commit a
crime. More than that, she framed one

money. She framed me just because I was
available.

Not to mention she committed murder.

See, I could have gone to prison for the
rest of my life, and I don't think she

would have thought twice about it. Well,
the D .A. in Santa Barbara is filing

murder charges against Debbie today.

Can you imagine?

Drowning her husband and planning her
own sister's murder.

Lunch is ready.

Where's Ben?

He said he'd be late.

He's a guest of honor.

Here it is. Here it is.

Here it is. Here it is.

This came out about the same time as the
Edsel and sold about as well. This

gizmo, ladies and gentlemen, is one of
the last remaining Ape Track cartridges

in the entire world.

You know, I vaguely remember seeing
something like that. Yeah, I think they

replaced them with audio cassettes.
Better ain't fast.

Replaced, right.

All right.

Ladies and gentlemen, I told him to
invest in them. I was wrong, okay?

I gave him a chance to get his money
back just the other day.

1969. He, my investment counselor, told
me to put my life savings into these

turkeys.

Hollywood doctor.

in touch with all the bigwigs in the
music biz who said this would be the

biggest thing since BLP, and it was for
about a minute.

I've heard the story.

Yeah. I had $5 ,000 saved up, and I put
all of it, every penny, into these, as I

say, turkeys.

I didn't have the money to buy these
fine handmade suits. Had to get cheap

off the rack.

You think it's odd that I eat so many
hot dogs.

That's how I got started. That's all I
could afford.

I'm so sorry. I am really sorry.

If I could just relive that one brief
moment in my life. I'm sorry.

Yeah.

Yeah, well.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, I'm sorry, too.

I thought I'd have more fun out of this.

Let's say we let bygones be bygones.

Oh, that would be a big release to me,
then. Good, good, good.

Now what can we do for some real fun?

Warm mule, you kickin' mule, warm mule,
I say.

I ain't got time to fishin' out, my
mules are runnin' away.

Well, I used to have that old banjo, it
was all strung up with twine. The only

song you could hear me sing was Wish
That Gal Was Mine. Well, Wish That Gal

Mine, boys, Wish That Gal Was Mine. The
only song you could hear me sing was

Wish That Gal Was Mine. Well, I took my
wife to the barnyard, I set her down to

suffer. She got choked on the turkey leg
and stuck her nose in the butter. Well,

your

face is like a coffee pot. Your nose is
like a spout.

Your mouth is like a fireplace with all
the ashes out. Well, with all the ashes

out, boys, with all the ashes out. Your
mouth is like a fireplace with all the

ashes out.

Thank you.