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1
00:00:02,268 --> 00:00:04,069
(male announcer)
joey blunts
in the m-m-m-morning.
2
00:00:04,071 --> 00:00:06,605
Yo, joey blunts here,
101.2
3
00:00:06,607 --> 00:00:08,474
[all talking at once]
4
00:00:08,476 --> 00:00:09,241
Yo, hey,
everybody, man.
5
00:00:09,243 --> 00:00:11,710
We still tripping
on that last--
6
00:00:11,712 --> 00:00:13,145
[all talking at once]
7
00:00:13,147 --> 00:00:16,348
- That was crazy!
- Wardrobe malfunction.
8
00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:17,349
[laughs]
9
00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:19,218
Y'all are crazy.
I can't tell you no more.
10
00:00:19,220 --> 00:00:21,220
Like, all dirty,
but she's crazy.
11
00:00:21,222 --> 00:00:24,490
- Would you do that, meatball?
- Look, man...
12
00:00:24,492 --> 00:00:26,592
I grew up
in the hood, all right?
13
00:00:26,594 --> 00:00:27,526
So no.
14
00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:28,293
[laughter]
15
00:00:28,295 --> 00:00:30,229
No, he would want to,
but he can't do it
16
00:00:30,231 --> 00:00:32,131
'cause of that fat ass.
17
00:00:32,133 --> 00:00:33,332
[laughs]
18
00:00:33,334 --> 00:00:35,667
Why y'all always
clowning on meatball?
19
00:00:35,669 --> 00:00:36,769
Meatball!
20
00:00:36,771 --> 00:00:38,070
You brought it up.
21
00:00:38,072 --> 00:00:38,704
For real, though.
22
00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:41,206
You're a lesser person.
23
00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:42,274
Y'all you two
got to stop playing.
24
00:00:42,276 --> 00:00:43,642
Meatball!
25
00:00:43,644 --> 00:00:45,444
Lady j with me here,
meatball.
26
00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:46,211
Meatball.
27
00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:48,180
This the top of the hour.
I'm joey blunts.
28
00:00:48,182 --> 00:00:48,881
We'll be right back.
29
00:00:48,883 --> 00:00:50,215
- Meatball.
- Whoo!
30
00:00:50,217 --> 00:00:53,852
[indistinct talking over radio]
31
00:01:08,334 --> 00:01:12,371
(man)
and back from commercial.
32
00:01:12,373 --> 00:01:14,740
(announcer)
kbeat 101.3.
33
00:01:14,742 --> 00:01:17,609
[all screaming]
34
00:01:17,611 --> 00:01:21,580
Meatball, meatball!
35
00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:25,317
[haunting western music]
36
00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:33,559
♪ ♪
37
00:01:47,307 --> 00:01:49,675
So, dude,
I swear to god, man.
38
00:01:49,677 --> 00:01:53,645
Stewardesses
are looking hot to me.
39
00:01:53,647 --> 00:01:56,215
I don't care
how old,
40
00:01:56,217 --> 00:01:58,417
What shape.
41
00:01:58,419 --> 00:02:00,853
I'm just like,
let's--
42
00:02:00,855 --> 00:02:01,887
- Let's go.
- Let's go.
43
00:02:01,889 --> 00:02:03,889
- Let's go.
- I'll meet you at the toilet.
44
00:02:03,891 --> 00:02:07,292
Bring me an advil
and some ginger ale.
45
00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:07,759
[laughs]
46
00:02:07,761 --> 00:02:10,496
[woman's voice]
can I get you anything else?
47
00:02:10,498 --> 00:02:11,396
[normal voice]
yeah, you can.
48
00:02:11,398 --> 00:02:13,465
One time, I had, like,
a sinus infection
49
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:14,533
When the plane
was coming down,
50
00:02:14,535 --> 00:02:16,201
And, [bleep], my girl
was just like,
51
00:02:16,203 --> 00:02:18,570
"I know. I know.
I'm so sorry."
52
00:02:18,572 --> 00:02:19,872
She was like,
"I know.
53
00:02:19,874 --> 00:02:22,307
Oh, I'm so sorry."
54
00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:24,276
[moaning]
55
00:02:24,278 --> 00:02:27,179
Okay, all right.
56
00:02:29,916 --> 00:02:30,749
(mark)
he's disgusting.
57
00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:32,918
Bernard?
He's disgusting.
58
00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:33,952
He's not even like her.
59
00:02:33,954 --> 00:02:35,354
He's an airplane technician.
I mean, come on.
60
00:02:35,356 --> 00:02:38,490
And he talks too much.
That's why I like you.
61
00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:39,858
You don't talk.
You just listen.
62
00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:42,294
- It's good.
[bell dings]
63
00:02:42,296 --> 00:02:44,763
Okay.
64
00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:47,866
And the captain has turned on
the "fasten seat belt" sign.
65
00:02:47,868 --> 00:02:49,768
Got a little turbulence
coming up.
66
00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:50,569
Should be no problem.
67
00:02:50,571 --> 00:02:52,971
Just remain in your seat
until the sign is turned off.
68
00:02:52,973 --> 00:02:55,674
Thank you
for your cooperation.
69
00:02:56,743 --> 00:02:57,976
Okay.
70
00:02:59,512 --> 00:03:03,348
Excuse me.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
71
00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:05,517
Hi, excuse me.
72
00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:06,585
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
73
00:03:06,587 --> 00:03:08,253
I'm gonna need you
to take your seat.
74
00:03:08,255 --> 00:03:09,321
The "fasten seat belt"
sign is on.
75
00:03:09,323 --> 00:03:10,589
Yeah, I'm just gonna go
to the bathroom for a second.
76
00:03:10,591 --> 00:03:12,491
I'll be
right back, okay?
77
00:03:12,493 --> 00:03:13,692
I understand
what you want to do.
78
00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:14,960
Unfortunately,
I'm gonna need you
79
00:03:14,962 --> 00:03:16,495
To observe
the "fasten seat belt" sign.
80
00:03:16,497 --> 00:03:18,931
That'd be
much appreciated.
81
00:03:18,933 --> 00:03:20,599
Right, it's just
I read on the internet
82
00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:22,267
That it's not
against the law
83
00:03:22,269 --> 00:03:23,101
For me to go
to the bathroom
84
00:03:23,103 --> 00:03:25,737
While the "fasten seat belt"
sign is on, so...
85
00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:26,872
"seat belt" sign
is on.
86
00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:29,808
But is it
against the law, though?
87
00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:30,809
The light is on.
88
00:03:30,811 --> 00:03:31,944
[inhales sharply]
89
00:03:31,946 --> 00:03:33,412
Is it against the law?
90
00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:34,813
You see
that there's a picture
91
00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:35,814
Of a seat belt
on that sign.
92
00:03:35,816 --> 00:03:38,517
I know, but is it
against the law, though?
93
00:03:38,519 --> 00:03:39,518
The "fasten seat belt" sign
is on.
94
00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:41,353
But is it against
the law, though?
95
00:03:41,355 --> 00:03:42,988
- "seat belt" sign is on.
- But is it against the law?
96
00:03:42,990 --> 00:03:44,823
- But is it against the law?
- "seat belt" sign.
97
00:03:44,825 --> 00:03:46,425
- But is it against the law?
- It's on.
98
00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:48,026
- Law.
- "seat belt" sign is on.
99
00:03:48,028 --> 00:03:49,027
- Legal.
- "seat belt" sign is on.
100
00:03:49,029 --> 00:03:50,696
- Lawful.
- "seat belt" sign is on.
101
00:03:50,698 --> 00:03:52,264
- Sir, you're being difficult.
- Law.
102
00:03:52,266 --> 00:03:53,799
- You're being very difficult.
- Law, law, law.
103
00:03:53,801 --> 00:03:56,401
- Seat belt, seat belt.
- Not illegal, not illegal.
104
00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:57,970
- Okay.
- Legal.
105
00:03:57,972 --> 00:03:58,971
- Fasten--
- legal.
106
00:03:58,973 --> 00:04:01,573
- Fasten your seat--
- legal.
107
00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:02,774
- Sir.
- I have to piss.
108
00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:05,010
And I have to [bleep]
in the toilet.
109
00:04:05,012 --> 00:04:05,944
Can you lower
your voice?
110
00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:08,280
[whispering]
I have to piss,
and I have to [bleep].
111
00:04:08,282 --> 00:04:09,414
Okay, lower
your intensity.
112
00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:10,315
You're louder
than me.
113
00:04:10,317 --> 00:04:11,450
You're yelling
in my face.
114
00:04:11,452 --> 00:04:14,319
Sir, you're the one who I think
needs to tone it down right now.
115
00:04:14,321 --> 00:04:15,087
You are
screaming at me.
116
00:04:15,089 --> 00:04:19,591
[whispering]
you're hurting my eardrums.
117
00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:22,995
[mouthing words]
118
00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:27,432
[mouthing words]
119
00:04:28,468 --> 00:04:29,368
That wasn't
a word.
120
00:04:29,370 --> 00:04:30,969
You're not saying
a word there.
121
00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:32,471
This is a word.
122
00:04:32,473 --> 00:04:33,605
- That's not--
- that's a word.
123
00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:37,342
That's not a word.
That's a tongue trick.
124
00:04:37,344 --> 00:04:39,344
Okay, sir.
Sir, sir.
125
00:04:39,346 --> 00:04:40,045
If you would like--
126
00:04:40,047 --> 00:04:42,347
I would not like to.
127
00:04:42,349 --> 00:04:43,181
I would not like
to sit down.
128
00:04:43,183 --> 00:04:48,854
What I'd like to do is go take
a [bleep] in the bathroom...
129
00:04:48,856 --> 00:04:51,490
Because it's not
130
00:04:51,492 --> 00:04:54,993
Against the law.
131
00:04:54,995 --> 00:04:59,831
So I'm gonna go
to the bathroom, okay?
132
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:04,569
Mark with a k.
133
00:05:04,571 --> 00:05:07,673
[tense music]
134
00:05:07,675 --> 00:05:15,947
♪ ♪
135
00:05:27,694 --> 00:05:35,967
♪ ♪
136
00:05:45,445 --> 00:05:49,648
[people scream]
137
00:05:57,824 --> 00:06:00,759
[people screaming]
138
00:06:00,761 --> 00:06:04,129
[dramatic choral music]
139
00:06:04,131 --> 00:06:11,570
♪ ♪
140
00:06:13,706 --> 00:06:17,175
[people screaming]
141
00:06:25,952 --> 00:06:33,692
♪ ♪
142
00:06:48,708 --> 00:06:56,948
♪ ♪
143
00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:02,654
[people screaming]
144
00:07:03,723 --> 00:07:11,963
♪ ♪
145
00:07:30,650 --> 00:07:38,890
♪ ♪
146
00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:42,961
[exhales deeply]
147
00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:44,529
[bell dings]
148
00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:51,736
And your captain has turned off
the "fasten seat belt" sign.
149
00:07:51,738 --> 00:07:54,539
Feel free to move
around the cabin.
150
00:07:54,541 --> 00:07:55,707
Thank you
for your cooperation.
151
00:07:55,709 --> 00:08:00,178
[dark music]
152
00:08:02,915 --> 00:08:06,084
[whimsical music]
153
00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:08,186
♪ ♪
154
00:08:08,188 --> 00:08:10,288
[blows raspberry]
155
00:08:13,793 --> 00:08:15,660
[coins jingle]
156
00:08:17,897 --> 00:08:19,631
Ding!
157
00:08:21,667 --> 00:08:26,204
♪ ♪
158
00:08:26,206 --> 00:08:27,806
Wow.
159
00:08:37,950 --> 00:08:46,191
♪ ♪
160
00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:01,139
[haunting western music]
161
00:09:02,909 --> 00:09:03,708
Good to see you,
old boy.
162
00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:05,610
- Yes.
- How was kenya?
163
00:09:05,612 --> 00:09:08,446
I love kenya.
Absolutely adore the place.
164
00:09:08,448 --> 00:09:10,215
You know,
it's so important
165
00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:12,651
To protect them,
you know...
166
00:09:12,653 --> 00:09:13,218
Indeed.
167
00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:14,419
The few untouched
tribes left.
168
00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:16,254
- Indeed.
- Yes.
169
00:09:16,256 --> 00:09:17,289
And while we're
on the subject,
170
00:09:17,291 --> 00:09:19,291
I've got something
of a confession to make.
171
00:09:19,293 --> 00:09:20,592
Oh, dear.
172
00:09:20,594 --> 00:09:22,928
While I was down there,
I caught the attention
173
00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:24,462
Of a young masai woman.
174
00:09:24,464 --> 00:09:24,996
You didn't.
175
00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:25,864
She took me
for an exotic,
176
00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:27,899
Sophisticated superman
of sorts
177
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,267
And developed something
of a liking to me.
178
00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:32,470
Well, isn't that
always the way?
179
00:09:32,472 --> 00:09:33,471
Yes, it is.
180
00:09:33,473 --> 00:09:35,407
And it's quite awful,
gerald.
181
00:09:35,409 --> 00:09:36,241
She came down to my hut
182
00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:38,343
Wearing nothing
but a fertility headdress
183
00:09:38,345 --> 00:09:40,412
And carrying
a husband stick,
184
00:09:40,414 --> 00:09:43,415
And, oh, I had to participate
in the customs.
185
00:09:43,417 --> 00:09:45,750
Well, it would be
morally irresponsible
186
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:46,785
If you did not participate
in the custom.
187
00:09:46,787 --> 00:09:49,821
You could destroy
their entire social structure.
188
00:09:49,823 --> 00:09:51,323
Oh, I felt so terrible
about it.
189
00:09:51,325 --> 00:09:53,358
Of course
you did, gerald.
190
00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:56,461
- I felt terrible seven times.
- Oh, dreadful.
191
00:09:56,463 --> 00:09:58,930
But, you know, gerald,
I, too, have a confession.
192
00:09:58,932 --> 00:09:59,497
Do tell.
193
00:09:59,499 --> 00:10:01,666
Remember several years ago
when I went to the amazon?
194
00:10:01,668 --> 00:10:02,334
- Yes.
- Yes.
195
00:10:02,336 --> 00:10:05,370
Well, I accidentally packed
a lighter in my satchel.
196
00:10:05,372 --> 00:10:05,937
Oh, my.
197
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:08,640
Yes, well, one day,
I absent-mindedly lit the flint,
198
00:10:08,642 --> 00:10:10,675
And the entire village
took me for a god.
199
00:10:10,677 --> 00:10:11,476
- Oh, no.
- Yes.
200
00:10:11,478 --> 00:10:12,477
Every sundown,
as I was being fellated
201
00:10:12,479 --> 00:10:15,213
By all the young women
of the village,
202
00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:15,981
Which is the local custom,
203
00:10:15,983 --> 00:10:20,385
I felt completely embarrassed
by the entire affair.
204
00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:23,655
I can only imagine
in some vivid detail,
205
00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:26,858
But you can't deny
the local custom.
206
00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:28,593
You absolutely cannot deny
the local customs.
207
00:10:28,595 --> 00:10:30,895
(both)
you can't deny
the local customs.
208
00:10:30,897 --> 00:10:35,233
One thing you must do
is adhere to the local customs.
209
00:10:35,235 --> 00:10:35,800
[muttering]
210
00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:37,502
You must adhere
to the local customs.
211
00:10:37,504 --> 00:10:38,637
[both muttering]
212
00:10:38,639 --> 00:10:40,338
[muttering]
you must adhere
to the local customs.
213
00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:42,574
Local customs
must not be denied!
214
00:10:42,576 --> 00:10:43,541
It's, oh, the least
one can do.
215
00:10:43,543 --> 00:10:46,444
It all reminds me of the time
I was in papua new guinea
216
00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:50,281
And I introduced the local tribe
to the french term
217
00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:51,016
Ménage à trois.
218
00:10:51,018 --> 00:10:53,685
After that evening,
a couple of the local men
219
00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:54,352
Called me "papua."
220
00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:56,287
Oh, dear.
221
00:10:56,289 --> 00:10:58,556
Whoops-a-daisy!
222
00:10:58,558 --> 00:10:59,391
[imitates explosion]
223
00:10:59,393 --> 00:11:00,392
Whoops-a-daisy,
indeed.
224
00:11:00,394 --> 00:11:03,528
It's getting harder and harder
to protect the local tribes
225
00:11:03,530 --> 00:11:05,930
From the influence
of the outside civilizations.
226
00:11:05,932 --> 00:11:09,000
I know exactly what you mean,
old boy, exactly,
227
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:10,568
And I must confess
that the last time
228
00:11:10,570 --> 00:11:12,671
I was deep in the bush
in australia...
229
00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:13,304
Yes?
230
00:11:13,306 --> 00:11:15,273
I ended up deep in bush
in australia.
231
00:11:15,275 --> 00:11:15,940
Boo-yah.
232
00:11:15,942 --> 00:11:18,309
Well, where are you
off to now, old boy?
233
00:11:18,311 --> 00:11:18,977
I'm off to tanzania.
234
00:11:18,979 --> 00:11:21,413
Tanzania--make sure
that you go during an eclipse,
235
00:11:21,415 --> 00:11:23,515
Because then everyone
will want to have sex with you.
236
00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:25,550
(both)
mm.
237
00:11:25,552 --> 00:11:27,318
Hmm.
238
00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:27,852
[chuckles]
239
00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:28,853
(both)
regrettably.
240
00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:32,390
[both muttering, humming]
241
00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:37,962
[haunting western music]
242
00:11:38,564 --> 00:11:43,034
You think you--
do you think you are a sexist?
243
00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:44,069
Um, uh...
244
00:11:44,071 --> 00:11:45,870
Much to my chagrin,
yes, I am.
245
00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:46,771
- You are.
- I am.
246
00:11:46,773 --> 00:11:47,939
I try not to be,
but I am.
247
00:11:47,941 --> 00:11:49,774
And that's good
that you know that.
248
00:11:49,776 --> 00:11:50,542
Oh, yeah.
249
00:11:50,544 --> 00:11:53,478
'cause I'm--if anything,
I'm sexist against men.
250
00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:58,550
We sexualize women
as soon as possible.
251
00:11:58,552 --> 00:11:59,851
It's the first thing
we do.
252
00:11:59,853 --> 00:12:01,886
I took a woman's studies class
in college,
253
00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:04,823
And we were in a discussion
with the professor--
254
00:12:04,825 --> 00:12:06,491
Ah, you got in
a woman's studies class, dog.
255
00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:08,059
No, no, no, jordan.
256
00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:10,028
I know what
you're doing, dude.
257
00:12:10,030 --> 00:12:10,795
Yeah.
258
00:12:10,797 --> 00:12:12,630
Get a little
extracurriculars.
259
00:12:12,632 --> 00:12:13,198
Oh, my god.
260
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,033
We gots to do--
anybody want to work
261
00:12:15,035 --> 00:12:17,936
On this project
at my house afterwards?
262
00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:19,671
That's some nice [bleep], dude.
263
00:12:19,673 --> 00:12:21,506
[haunting western music]
264
00:12:21,508 --> 00:12:24,542
[bright music]
265
00:12:24,544 --> 00:12:28,680
[applause]
266
00:12:29,849 --> 00:12:33,351
What if we told y'all
that once a month,
267
00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:35,553
Half the human race
is in pain?
268
00:12:35,555 --> 00:12:38,656
And the other half
269
00:12:38,658 --> 00:12:42,694
Don't want to hear [bleep]
about it?
270
00:12:42,696 --> 00:12:44,496
- I'm shaboots michaels!
- I'm t-ray tombstone!
271
00:12:44,498 --> 00:12:45,997
Welcome to...
272
00:12:45,999 --> 00:12:49,434
(both)
menstruation orientation!
273
00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:50,869
Oh, no,
you don't.
274
00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:52,070
Now, we know you don't want
to hear about it.
275
00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:53,004
But they don't
want to have it,
276
00:12:53,006 --> 00:12:56,074
So sit your ass down and listen
for once in your life.
277
00:12:56,076 --> 00:12:57,375
Today we're gonna talk
to all you men
278
00:12:57,377 --> 00:13:00,411
About what happens to your women
when they're on their periods
279
00:13:00,413 --> 00:13:01,546
And why
it's important to...
280
00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:03,648
(both)
be sensitive to that [bleep].
281
00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:06,851
Don't say "chillax," "relax,"
"calm down," and "how come?"
282
00:13:06,853 --> 00:13:10,889
Don't say "ass," "fat,"
"grumpy," or "cranky."
283
00:13:10,891 --> 00:13:11,689
They ain't cranky.
284
00:13:11,691 --> 00:13:14,025
They got blood coming
out of their vaginas, y'all!
285
00:13:14,027 --> 00:13:16,561
That's some biblical
plague [bleep], y'all!
286
00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:18,429
That would be like
once a month
287
00:13:18,431 --> 00:13:20,698
If you had locusts flying
out of your dick for a week!
288
00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:22,433
Your ass
wouldn't be cranky.
289
00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:23,535
Your ass
would be like...
290
00:13:23,537 --> 00:13:27,472
- Oh, [bleep]!
[both screaming]
291
00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:28,706
- My dick!
[screaming continues]
292
00:13:28,708 --> 00:13:33,978
(both)
so be nice to your bitches
when they bleeding!
293
00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:35,847
If you ain't
getting 'em [bleep]...
294
00:13:35,849 --> 00:13:36,848
Get the [bleep]
out they way!
295
00:13:36,850 --> 00:13:39,584
- They got cramps!
- They got headaches.
296
00:13:39,586 --> 00:13:40,285
They got weight gain!
297
00:13:40,287 --> 00:13:41,152
And every time
they pee,
298
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:43,721
It's like the shining
in the toilet.
299
00:13:43,723 --> 00:13:45,990
- Be supportive.
- Be empathetic.
300
00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:46,691
But whatever you do...
301
00:13:46,693 --> 00:13:49,694
(both)
do not try to solve it!
302
00:13:49,696 --> 00:13:50,595
Don't even bring
that [bleep] up!
303
00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:52,997
When women be
hanging out together,
304
00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:54,666
Their periods
will sync up.
305
00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:56,601
Vaginas
be communicating.
306
00:13:56,603 --> 00:13:58,703
They got their own
vagina language.
307
00:13:58,705 --> 00:13:59,671
(both)
talking about...
308
00:13:59,673 --> 00:14:02,440
[both speaking gibberish]
309
00:14:06,212 --> 00:14:08,146
If you find yourself
around a group of women
310
00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:10,515
And they all have
a backache...
311
00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:12,217
(both)
back away slowly.
312
00:14:12,219 --> 00:14:13,618
What's that in your pocket
there, shaboots?
313
00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:16,888
Recognize this,
mother[bleep]?
314
00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:18,823
That ain't
space dynamite.
315
00:14:18,825 --> 00:14:19,624
That's a tampon.
316
00:14:19,626 --> 00:14:22,026
Learn what your bitch
has to go through.
317
00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:25,463
First, you put
this piece in your vagina!
318
00:14:25,465 --> 00:14:25,864
Oop.
319
00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:27,599
Then you push this part
into the first piece!
320
00:14:27,601 --> 00:14:29,033
Gweeps
321
00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:30,902
Then you throw
this part away!
322
00:14:30,904 --> 00:14:34,138
Do that several times
a day for a week
323
00:14:34,140 --> 00:14:35,707
Every goddamn month!
324
00:14:35,709 --> 00:14:39,010
It's the worst thing ever
all the time!
325
00:14:39,012 --> 00:14:40,178
It's much worse for them
326
00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:41,880
Than it is for you
to hear about it.
327
00:14:41,882 --> 00:14:43,715
And periods
is important.
328
00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:44,883
That's how the body
gets rid of the old egg
329
00:14:44,885 --> 00:14:46,818
So it can cook up
them new ones.
330
00:14:46,820 --> 00:14:48,519
So listen to what's
going on with your female
331
00:14:48,521 --> 00:14:49,988
Emotionally and...
332
00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:51,990
(both)
get your bitch
some chocolate!
333
00:14:51,992 --> 00:14:53,491
Don't call her
a bitch, but...
334
00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:55,593
(both)
get your bitch
some chocolate!
335
00:14:55,595 --> 00:14:57,662
[both singing]
336
00:14:57,664 --> 00:14:59,230
♪ chocolate, chocolate,
chocolate, chocolate ♪
337
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:00,798
♪ chocolate, chocolate,
chocolate, chocolate ♪
338
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:01,966
♪ chocolate, chocolate,
chocolate, chocolate ♪
339
00:15:01,968 --> 00:15:03,935
♪ chocolate, chocolate,
chocolate, chocolate ♪
340
00:15:03,937 --> 00:15:06,070
♪ chocolate, chocolate,
chocolate, chocolate ♪
341
00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:10,708
♪ chocolate ♪
342
00:15:10,710 --> 00:15:12,644
[haunting western music]
343
00:15:12,945 --> 00:15:15,947
It's weird being
in a relationship this long,
344
00:15:15,949 --> 00:15:19,784
When you start to go
on, like, double dates
345
00:15:19,786 --> 00:15:21,052
With other couples.
346
00:15:21,054 --> 00:15:21,686
Mm-hmm.
347
00:15:21,688 --> 00:15:24,088
I'll go an entire night
and not even realize
348
00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:26,691
That my girlfriend
hated this bitch.
349
00:15:26,693 --> 00:15:27,191
Right.
350
00:15:27,193 --> 00:15:30,662
I'll be like, "oh," 'cause
there was a whole subplot.
351
00:15:30,664 --> 00:15:32,697
I feel like I've been
in that situation before.
352
00:15:32,699 --> 00:15:34,065
I'll tell you,
I had one situation
353
00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:35,233
Where there was guy
that I ended up--
354
00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:38,336
I'm gonna just be straight--
I'm gonna be straight about it.
355
00:15:38,338 --> 00:15:40,838
I'm like, "this dude
seems pretty interested
356
00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:42,273
"in what I do
for a living.
357
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:43,708
I don't give a [bleep]..."
358
00:15:43,710 --> 00:15:45,043
Oh, [bleep].
359
00:15:45,045 --> 00:15:46,844
"about what he does
for a living."
360
00:15:46,846 --> 00:15:47,679
Oh, [bleep].
361
00:15:47,681 --> 00:15:48,813
"I don't want to hear
actuarial tables."
362
00:15:48,815 --> 00:15:50,982
Calling him off.
363
00:15:50,984 --> 00:15:52,951
[haunting western music]
364
00:15:52,953 --> 00:15:55,853
There's no way
that he can win.
365
00:15:55,855 --> 00:15:56,721
No, mm-mm, no.
366
00:15:56,723 --> 00:15:59,257
So, anyway, what did you think
of the season finale
367
00:15:59,259 --> 00:16:00,258
Of game of thrones?
368
00:16:00,260 --> 00:16:01,759
- [gasps]
- right?
369
00:16:01,761 --> 00:16:03,294
- That was--
- no, no, no.
370
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:04,395
I'm reading
the books.
371
00:16:04,397 --> 00:16:06,998
Oh, sorry, sorry,
sorry, sorry.
372
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:08,399
And he reads slow.
373
00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:09,400
[laughter]
374
00:16:09,402 --> 00:16:11,269
We can never
talk about it.
375
00:16:11,271 --> 00:16:13,371
We're never
gonna talk about it.
376
00:16:13,373 --> 00:16:14,238
Okay.
377
00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:15,106
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
- Uh-huh.
378
00:16:15,108 --> 00:16:18,776
Hey, has anybody seen
that new russell crowe thriller?
379
00:16:18,778 --> 00:16:19,744
'cause let me tell--
380
00:16:19,746 --> 00:16:21,379
Ah, ah, ah!
381
00:16:21,381 --> 00:16:23,014
Ah.
382
00:16:23,016 --> 00:16:24,048
Sorry, it's just
383
00:16:24,050 --> 00:16:26,451
We're going tomorrow,
and I don't want to know
384
00:16:26,453 --> 00:16:27,719
A thing about it.
385
00:16:27,721 --> 00:16:28,820
Doesn't want
to know a thing.
386
00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:31,990
- Got you. Okay, all right.
- Sure, yeah.
387
00:16:31,992 --> 00:16:34,892
Yeah, yeah.
That is--
388
00:16:34,894 --> 00:16:36,160
How--who won the game?
389
00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:38,830
- I think--
- n-n-n-n-n-n-n.
390
00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:41,232
That--I'm--
I'm gonna watch it later.
391
00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:43,101
- Oh, you're--
- oh, you have a dvr.
392
00:16:43,103 --> 00:16:44,035
- I got it--
- sorry, okay.
393
00:16:44,037 --> 00:16:44,836
Mum's the word.
394
00:16:44,838 --> 00:16:48,840
- Yeah.
- So...
395
00:16:54,179 --> 00:16:56,047
- So...
- Yeah.
396
00:16:56,049 --> 00:16:58,116
What's the weather
gonna be like this--
397
00:16:58,118 --> 00:17:00,385
[squawking]
398
00:17:00,387 --> 00:17:02,453
[dog barking in the distance]
399
00:17:02,455 --> 00:17:04,489
Sorry.
It's, uh...
400
00:17:04,491 --> 00:17:05,189
[sighs]
401
00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:06,524
We're having
a barbecue this weekend,
402
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:08,393
And I don't want to stress
about the weather.
403
00:17:08,395 --> 00:17:10,361
- No, of course you don't.
- We just--yeah.
404
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:11,896
Yeah.
You know, yeah.
405
00:17:11,898 --> 00:17:14,799
[clears throat]
406
00:17:22,007 --> 00:17:24,509
This three-bean
casserole is--
407
00:17:24,511 --> 00:17:27,845
[scatting]
408
00:17:28,847 --> 00:17:30,014
I'm so sorry, babe.
I just--
409
00:17:30,016 --> 00:17:31,949
- I hadn't tasted them yet.
- I'm sorry.
410
00:17:31,951 --> 00:17:35,486
- I'm sorry.
- Really looking forward to it.
411
00:17:35,488 --> 00:17:36,087
You know?
412
00:17:36,089 --> 00:17:37,922
Don't talk about
the ingredients, I know.
413
00:17:37,924 --> 00:17:38,890
It's a surprise
for your mouth.
414
00:17:38,892 --> 00:17:42,293
- Yeah.
- Really.
415
00:17:47,032 --> 00:17:48,966
Oh, uh...
416
00:17:48,968 --> 00:17:50,435
[laughs]
417
00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:53,371
You know that
commercial with--
418
00:17:53,373 --> 00:17:55,173
Okay, never--
419
00:17:55,175 --> 00:17:57,141
Oh.
420
00:17:57,143 --> 00:17:58,142
[laughs]
421
00:17:58,144 --> 00:17:59,844
[laughing]
okay.
422
00:18:04,383 --> 00:18:05,216
(woman)
never mind.
423
00:18:05,218 --> 00:18:06,984
That's probably best.
424
00:18:06,986 --> 00:18:10,988
- Yeah.
- [clears throat]
425
00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:15,326
Oh.
426
00:18:18,263 --> 00:18:20,598
No, it's fine.
427
00:18:25,070 --> 00:18:27,505
- Cheesecake.
- [gasps]
428
00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:29,107
- What?
- Huh?
429
00:18:29,109 --> 00:18:31,008
We got cheesecake.
430
00:18:31,010 --> 00:18:32,076
- I mean...
- Oh, yeah.
431
00:18:32,078 --> 00:18:34,612
No, I'd love
some cheesecake.
432
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:35,413
- Yeah.
- Let's do that.
433
00:18:35,415 --> 00:18:36,147
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
434
00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:37,048
All right,
what the hell?
435
00:18:37,050 --> 00:18:38,149
- Okay, cheesecake.
- Cheesecake.
436
00:18:38,151 --> 00:18:41,486
I mean, I've been watching
my cholesterol intake,
437
00:18:41,488 --> 00:18:42,320
But what the hell, right?
438
00:18:42,322 --> 00:18:44,989
We're all gonna die
someday anyway.
439
00:18:44,991 --> 00:18:45,957
- What?
- Honey.
440
00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:47,024
- Wow.
- Come on.
441
00:18:47,026 --> 00:18:47,725
Are you
kidding me?
442
00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:50,328
You just ruin it
every time!
443
00:18:50,330 --> 00:18:51,129
I'll see you
at home.
444
00:18:51,131 --> 00:18:52,096
- But wait a second.
- So rude!
445
00:18:52,098 --> 00:18:57,935
Now, how would you not know
that that was taking place?
446
00:18:57,937 --> 00:18:59,036
[haunting western music]
447
00:18:59,038 --> 00:19:02,640
Father, please hear our prayer
for the poor.
448
00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:03,508
Thank you, father.
Yes.
449
00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:06,144
We beseech you
for the disenfranchised,
450
00:19:06,146 --> 00:19:09,981
The less fortunate,
and those that suffer.
451
00:19:09,983 --> 00:19:10,515
Yes.
452
00:19:10,517 --> 00:19:13,618
Show us your will
so we can continue
453
00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:14,986
To do your work.
454
00:19:14,988 --> 00:19:15,653
(both)
yes.
455
00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:20,558
[overlapping voices] I've come
to answer your prayers.
456
00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:25,396
Listen carefully
to my instructions.
457
00:19:25,398 --> 00:19:28,132
Oh, god.
Thank you.
458
00:19:28,134 --> 00:19:29,333
Thank you so much.
459
00:19:29,335 --> 00:19:33,004
I want you to send
everything you own...
460
00:19:33,006 --> 00:19:38,442
Immediately
in service to the poor.
461
00:19:38,444 --> 00:19:41,746
[bright choral music]
462
00:19:41,748 --> 00:19:42,547
♪ ♪
463
00:19:42,549 --> 00:19:45,016
Just want to clarify.
Um...
464
00:19:45,018 --> 00:19:47,285
Everything?
465
00:19:47,287 --> 00:19:50,588
[overlapping voices]
yes, rid yourself
466
00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:53,057
Of all earthly possessions.
467
00:19:53,059 --> 00:19:59,197
♪ ♪
468
00:19:59,199 --> 00:20:02,200
Oh, [bleep]!
This house is haunted!
469
00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:03,134
[screams]
470
00:20:03,136 --> 00:20:04,302
It's a ghost!
471
00:20:04,304 --> 00:20:05,236
(man)
it's a haunted house!
472
00:20:05,238 --> 00:20:07,271
Go, go, go,
go, go!
473
00:20:07,273 --> 00:20:09,674
It's insidious.
474
00:20:09,676 --> 00:20:12,210
♪ ♪
475
00:20:12,212 --> 00:20:13,644
[overlapping voices]
oh.
476
00:20:13,646 --> 00:20:16,080
I see
what they did there.
477
00:20:16,082 --> 00:20:19,150
[haunting western music]
478
00:20:21,019 --> 00:20:23,221
Is there any religion
where you literally--
479
00:20:23,223 --> 00:20:27,024
I mean, the ceremony
is just, like, five seconds
480
00:20:27,026 --> 00:20:27,758
Once a month.
481
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:29,560
You hit it,
and you're just like...
482
00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:32,430
[chanting oddly]
483
00:20:32,432 --> 00:20:33,297
"I'm good
for two months."
484
00:20:33,299 --> 00:20:36,100
That's the other thing.
You can stockpile them.
485
00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:38,469
- You can do a bunch in a row.
- Do a bunch in a row.
486
00:20:38,471 --> 00:20:39,136
Stockpile them.
487
00:20:39,138 --> 00:20:41,172
Like, if I spent a day
just doing...
488
00:20:41,174 --> 00:20:43,507
[chanting oddly]
489
00:20:43,509 --> 00:20:44,775
Never have
to do it again.
490
00:20:44,777 --> 00:20:45,543
Done, you're set.
491
00:20:45,545 --> 00:20:48,579
Buddy, you might've worked
something out there.
492
00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:49,247
This is how--
493
00:20:49,249 --> 00:20:51,449
I think you could
get some followers there.
494
00:20:51,451 --> 00:20:52,183
I think so too.
495
00:20:52,185 --> 00:20:53,651
I'm gonna just keep going
to jerk churches
496
00:20:53,653 --> 00:20:55,419
And dancing around
and screaming.
497
00:20:55,421 --> 00:20:56,454
I'll do that.
498
00:20:56,456 --> 00:20:58,289
[chanting oddly]
499
00:20:58,291 --> 00:21:02,059
(man)
♪ I'm gonna do
my one line here ♪
500
00:21:02,061 --> 00:21:04,128
Oh, yeah.
501
00:21:07,766 --> 00:21:08,466
Cheers, john o'rourke.
502
00:21:08,468 --> 00:21:10,868
Not bad for an irishman,
a dirty irishman.
503
00:21:10,870 --> 00:21:13,738
Dirty irishman.
Hey!
504
00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:15,206
[laughs]
505
00:21:15,208 --> 00:21:17,208
He came at me
like a goddamn troll.
506
00:21:17,210 --> 00:21:19,610
Or an irishman.
507
00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:19,643
Irishman, troll--
synonymous!
34749
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