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All language subtitles for Key and Peele S04E10 Sex Addict Wendell 1080p WEB-DL AAC2 0 H 264-BTN.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,664 --> 00:00:06,792 Gentlemen, it has been a pleasure and an honor, 2 00:00:06,867 --> 00:00:08,994 to meet you and, uh, your people. 3 00:00:09,070 --> 00:00:12,437 The US government supports you in every possible way. 4 00:00:13,207 --> 00:00:15,004 Ideologically, of course. 5 00:00:15,810 --> 00:00:18,802 (SIGHS) However, we cannot offer any military aid at this time. 6 00:00:19,113 --> 00:00:20,546 With all due respect, Ambassador, 7 00:00:20,948 --> 00:00:22,176 we need more than that. 8 00:00:22,283 --> 00:00:25,013 We are dealing with terrorism on a daily basis. 9 00:00:25,086 --> 00:00:26,144 Oh, that's so unfortunate. 10 00:00:26,220 --> 00:00:28,780 (STAMMERS) Warlords overrun villages. 11 00:00:28,856 --> 00:00:30,221 Yes, that's regrettable. 12 00:00:30,291 --> 00:00:34,318 Rapes, tortures. All manner of, uh, human atrocity. 13 00:00:34,395 --> 00:00:38,491 That's really sad, but the US military is simply spread too thin. 14 00:00:38,566 --> 00:00:40,727 We can't afford another intervention at this time. 15 00:00:42,436 --> 00:00:44,529 But, what we could use your help with really, 16 00:00:45,039 --> 00:00:49,100 is protecting our vulnerable, plentiful, and newly-discovered, 17 00:00:49,543 --> 00:00:50,942 - oil reserves. - "Oil"? 18 00:00:51,946 --> 00:00:53,072 Excuse me one second. 19 00:00:54,115 --> 00:00:56,083 Operation Golden Eagle is a go. 20 00:00:57,985 --> 00:00:58,974 - (HELICOPTERS WHIRRING) - (ALL GASPING) 21 00:01:02,590 --> 00:01:04,114 Welcome to democracy. 22 00:01:10,798 --> 00:01:12,459 Uh, we also have natural gases! 23 00:01:12,533 --> 00:01:14,262 Oh, yes, a lot. Lots of it. 24 00:01:18,105 --> 00:01:19,697 Crazy crazy 25 00:01:20,107 --> 00:01:21,904 Does is crazy 26 00:01:22,677 --> 00:01:24,872 Make up for adjustment 27 00:01:26,013 --> 00:01:28,948 You jammin' on the verse 28 00:01:29,917 --> 00:01:33,717 First one's planned that you want to do 29 00:01:33,921 --> 00:01:35,445 All I want 30 00:01:35,956 --> 00:01:39,323 But I don't need you 31 00:01:40,594 --> 00:01:42,391 (GROANING LOUDLY) 32 00:01:42,630 --> 00:01:44,393 How's your back doing? Your back okay? 33 00:01:45,566 --> 00:01:47,329 You need to get an adjustment from the chiropracticals? 34 00:01:47,601 --> 00:01:50,934 Oh, can you do? Can you do chiro... Can you do chiropractor? 35 00:01:51,005 --> 00:01:52,267 Just get this. 36 00:01:55,543 --> 00:01:57,033 - Just relax it? - Yeah, relax it. 37 00:01:57,111 --> 00:01:58,203 Give it to me and let me do the work. 38 00:01:59,380 --> 00:02:01,644 It's nice to be able to just relax my arm, 39 00:02:01,716 --> 00:02:04,276 but I don't know that I feel the... Whoa, whoa. 40 00:02:04,351 --> 00:02:05,841 - Whoa, whoa, what? - What happened? What? 41 00:02:06,220 --> 00:02:07,346 I wasn't doing... What, what? 42 00:02:07,488 --> 00:02:08,614 You made me touch your dick. 43 00:02:08,689 --> 00:02:09,678 No, I didn't. 44 00:02:09,757 --> 00:02:11,987 - It scuffed your crotch, my middle finger... - You didn't come any... 45 00:02:12,059 --> 00:02:14,960 - Your fingers did not touch my crotch. - No, it touched something down there, man. 46 00:02:15,029 --> 00:02:16,997 You didn't get anywhere near my crotch. 47 00:02:17,064 --> 00:02:19,862 We have to agree it was a ouija board situation. 48 00:02:19,934 --> 00:02:22,926 - It was a ouija board situation. - It was, no, it was a Jordan board situation. 49 00:02:25,706 --> 00:02:27,264 I wake up next to this guy, and... 50 00:02:28,409 --> 00:02:30,206 (SIGHS) As usual I don't even know his name. 51 00:02:31,545 --> 00:02:35,709 I'm trying to get dressed quickly and get out of there before he wakes up, but... 52 00:02:37,485 --> 00:02:38,952 I can't find my underwear. 53 00:02:40,321 --> 00:02:43,586 I look everywhere, but I just can't find them, 54 00:02:45,493 --> 00:02:46,619 and then it hits me. 55 00:02:47,661 --> 00:02:50,630 I had left them at another guy's apartment, earlier that night, 56 00:02:52,500 --> 00:02:54,365 and that's when I knew I had a problem. 57 00:02:57,138 --> 00:02:58,127 (ALL CLAPPING) 58 00:03:00,674 --> 00:03:01,800 Thanks for sharing, Sky. 59 00:03:04,011 --> 00:03:07,242 Well, I notice a lot of new faces this evening. 60 00:03:08,048 --> 00:03:09,379 And I'm so glad you all came. 61 00:03:09,984 --> 00:03:13,511 And I want you to know that this is a safe place to share. 62 00:03:14,955 --> 00:03:16,115 So if you want to tell us your story, 63 00:03:16,991 --> 00:03:18,151 there'll be no judgment. 64 00:03:20,861 --> 00:03:22,021 Sure, I'll go. 65 00:03:24,198 --> 00:03:25,597 (SIGHS) Hi, y'all. 66 00:03:26,167 --> 00:03:27,293 Name's Wendell. 67 00:03:27,902 --> 00:03:30,564 And, I am in fact, 68 00:03:31,472 --> 00:03:32,996 a sexual addict. 69 00:03:33,607 --> 00:03:34,835 ALL: Hi, Wendell. 70 00:03:35,609 --> 00:03:37,236 And what brings you here, Wendell? 71 00:03:38,245 --> 00:03:41,009 (SIGHS) Well, you know, my life, 72 00:03:41,649 --> 00:03:43,082 sexually speaking, 73 00:03:44,118 --> 00:03:45,107 is crazy. 74 00:03:45,386 --> 00:03:46,876 And I just want to find, 75 00:03:46,954 --> 00:03:50,651 one single solitary person, 76 00:03:52,493 --> 00:03:53,653 to spend the rest of my life with. 77 00:03:53,794 --> 00:03:54,783 Just one. 78 00:03:55,196 --> 00:03:56,185 Just one. 79 00:03:56,997 --> 00:04:00,831 So do you feel like your addiction is too much to handle right now? 80 00:04:01,035 --> 00:04:02,195 Duh. 81 00:04:02,670 --> 00:04:04,661 I mean, it's been crazy, y'all. 82 00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:08,400 With me, the nastier, the better. 83 00:04:09,510 --> 00:04:10,704 I'm a dirty dog. 84 00:04:11,245 --> 00:04:13,873 Try everything, all the fixings. 85 00:04:15,049 --> 00:04:18,018 Tantric, much like Sting. 86 00:04:18,919 --> 00:04:21,012 All the bells and whistles, you name it, 87 00:04:21,355 --> 00:04:22,515 I've dones't it. 88 00:04:24,124 --> 00:04:27,355 And when would you say you hit rock bottom, Wendell? 89 00:04:27,561 --> 00:04:29,688 When it got slippery outside my shower, 90 00:04:29,897 --> 00:04:31,660 on the floor outside my shower. 91 00:04:32,199 --> 00:04:33,223 Oh. 92 00:04:34,535 --> 00:04:37,231 I hit rock bottom sexually... 93 00:04:39,406 --> 00:04:41,840 Oh, it was probably last night, last night. 94 00:04:41,909 --> 00:04:44,275 Do you think that you could tell us what happened, Wendell? 95 00:04:44,578 --> 00:04:46,876 Yeah, let's see, uh... 96 00:04:46,947 --> 00:04:49,279 It was just like any other night. I had, 97 00:04:49,683 --> 00:04:51,708 ordered a large pie, pepperoni, 98 00:04:51,952 --> 00:04:53,385 pineapple, cheesy crust, 99 00:04:54,355 --> 00:04:56,016 some cheesy bread on the side. 100 00:04:57,725 --> 00:04:59,386 Uh, cut to, 101 00:04:59,927 --> 00:05:01,485 thirty min later. 102 00:05:02,162 --> 00:05:04,687 Pizza parlor sent over a delicious, 103 00:05:05,199 --> 00:05:06,757 lady delivery person. 104 00:05:07,968 --> 00:05:09,196 Body ten. 105 00:05:09,270 --> 00:05:10,362 Face ten. 106 00:05:11,672 --> 00:05:13,299 That's my weakness. 107 00:05:14,475 --> 00:05:15,999 So I invited her inside, 108 00:05:17,077 --> 00:05:18,135 opened up the box. 109 00:05:18,212 --> 00:05:19,907 It was hot. 110 00:05:21,615 --> 00:05:25,244 Devoured the first slice lickety-split, crust first. 111 00:05:26,020 --> 00:05:28,454 Second slice didn't stand a chance. 112 00:05:28,889 --> 00:05:30,447 Ate the tip of that bitch first, 113 00:05:30,524 --> 00:05:31,889 washed it down with a pop. 114 00:05:34,128 --> 00:05:36,221 Then I got nasty with the cheesy bread. 115 00:05:36,297 --> 00:05:37,764 My heart started pounding, 116 00:05:37,998 --> 00:05:39,761 harder than usual, ker-slunk, 117 00:05:40,567 --> 00:05:41,556 ker-slunk. 118 00:05:42,036 --> 00:05:43,970 Moved on to the third slice. 119 00:05:44,038 --> 00:05:45,437 - What about the girl? - What girl? 120 00:05:46,106 --> 00:05:47,095 Oh, the girl. 121 00:05:47,174 --> 00:05:48,471 Yeah, she was there too. 122 00:05:49,743 --> 00:05:53,702 I invited her into my boudoir, aka the Stabbin' Cabin. 123 00:05:55,683 --> 00:05:57,275 We disrobed one another. 124 00:05:57,351 --> 00:05:59,046 I touched her on her genitalia. 125 00:05:59,186 --> 00:06:03,418 She touched me on my man-italia, and that's when I hit it. 126 00:06:03,857 --> 00:06:04,846 (CLICKS TONGUE) 127 00:06:04,925 --> 00:06:06,859 Sexually, of course. 128 00:06:07,828 --> 00:06:12,094 Upstairs, downstairs, all-around-the-town stairs, as you do, 129 00:06:12,766 --> 00:06:13,926 and, uh, 130 00:06:14,802 --> 00:06:17,794 by then it was just another night. 131 00:06:18,005 --> 00:06:20,667 And I mean oil everywhere, and 132 00:06:22,242 --> 00:06:24,802 sauce all over me. 133 00:06:26,180 --> 00:06:27,169 "Sauce"? 134 00:06:27,514 --> 00:06:30,039 Oh, yeah, that's my word for... 135 00:06:31,552 --> 00:06:32,883 Ejaculate. 136 00:06:33,887 --> 00:06:38,824 Anyhoo, I'm so distraught, because I feel vulnerable, 137 00:06:39,026 --> 00:06:40,653 and I don't know, I just 138 00:06:41,695 --> 00:06:43,253 feel like anyone, 139 00:06:44,698 --> 00:06:46,393 could take advantage of me right now. 140 00:06:46,467 --> 00:06:48,594 Anyone. 141 00:06:50,070 --> 00:06:52,368 (SIGHS) 'Kay, let's see what the blondes have to say first. 142 00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:54,732 Well, thank you, Wendell, um. 143 00:06:54,908 --> 00:06:57,968 Thank you for sharing. It's actually our time today. 144 00:07:05,819 --> 00:07:07,411 PEELE: How about them unny-funny people? 145 00:07:07,488 --> 00:07:08,853 - (LAUGHS) - We have the... 146 00:07:08,922 --> 00:07:10,685 We talk about funny people. Let's talk about some unfunny... 147 00:07:10,758 --> 00:07:12,953 We are blessed with the power of laughter. 148 00:07:13,027 --> 00:07:15,495 When we were in San Francisco, this woman was, like, 149 00:07:15,562 --> 00:07:17,723 wasted, she was like, "Tell me a joke." 150 00:07:17,798 --> 00:07:20,266 And I was like, "I don't got a joke for you, baby, that's not my thing." 151 00:07:20,334 --> 00:07:21,631 (LAUGHS) 152 00:07:22,503 --> 00:07:23,561 - Yeah. - I got another joke for you. 153 00:07:23,637 --> 00:07:24,695 What the fuck does she do for a living? 154 00:07:24,805 --> 00:07:26,466 - Are you an accountant? - You an accountant? 155 00:07:26,540 --> 00:07:27,529 Ring some numbers up for me. 156 00:07:27,608 --> 00:07:30,236 - Oh, shit. - (MUMBLES) 157 00:07:30,310 --> 00:07:31,709 - You said that... - (MUMBLES) 158 00:07:31,779 --> 00:07:33,440 To that mythological woman. 159 00:07:34,381 --> 00:07:36,349 - With all the bravado. - But in real life, though, 160 00:07:36,417 --> 00:07:38,476 I'd be like, "Um, um... 161 00:07:38,552 --> 00:07:40,213 "Chicken crossed the road." 162 00:07:40,287 --> 00:07:41,584 (LAUGHS) 163 00:07:44,925 --> 00:07:46,153 (SCHOOL BELL RINGS) 164 00:07:47,795 --> 00:07:50,059 All right, everybody, just let's settle down, 165 00:07:50,864 --> 00:07:52,092 and settle in 166 00:07:52,166 --> 00:07:54,726 and, like, totally let's get our math on, okay? 167 00:07:55,202 --> 00:07:57,067 All right, guys, so, um... 168 00:07:57,137 --> 00:07:58,604 (STUDENTS LAUGHING) 169 00:07:58,672 --> 00:08:00,867 (LAUGHING) Yeah, oh! 170 00:08:01,241 --> 00:08:02,868 - All right, Jimmy. - (STUDENTS LAUGHING) 171 00:08:02,943 --> 00:08:06,379 Somebody's got a little extra energy from Phys Ed, right? 172 00:08:09,049 --> 00:08:11,381 Jimmy, buddy, hey, buddy, let's, okay, it's just... 173 00:08:11,452 --> 00:08:12,441 Let's knock it off, okay? 174 00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:14,344 Okay. 175 00:08:14,421 --> 00:08:15,649 He wanted me to knock it off. 176 00:08:15,722 --> 00:08:17,747 - You got me. He got me, right, guys? - So I knocked it off. 177 00:08:18,358 --> 00:08:21,919 - Jimmy, dude, all right, let's take our seat. - (STUDENTS LAUGHING) 178 00:08:23,430 --> 00:08:25,330 - Take our seat. - (LAUGHING) That's great. 179 00:08:25,766 --> 00:08:27,256 That's great. 180 00:08:27,334 --> 00:08:28,926 - That's great. - (MAKING ROBOTIC SOUND) 181 00:08:29,103 --> 00:08:30,661 Very good. Bravo, Jimmy. 182 00:08:30,737 --> 00:08:33,570 - You guys can clap. - ALL: Yay! 183 00:08:34,208 --> 00:08:35,232 - That was awesome. - Thank you. 184 00:08:35,309 --> 00:08:36,503 Oh, and I thank you. 185 00:08:36,577 --> 00:08:39,239 I thank you for the entertainment, man. 186 00:08:39,513 --> 00:08:41,208 - (GIBBERING) - (STUDENTS LAUGHING) 187 00:08:42,282 --> 00:08:44,546 Jimmy, let's go, man. 188 00:08:45,018 --> 00:08:47,578 Hey, buddy, I don't want to harsh your vibe, man, but... 189 00:08:47,654 --> 00:08:49,144 Ah, eureka! 190 00:08:49,389 --> 00:08:50,720 I'm gonna be honest with you. 191 00:08:50,791 --> 00:08:52,691 You're really pushing my buttons now, Jimmy. 192 00:08:53,093 --> 00:08:54,754 (IMITATING ROBOTIC BEEPING) 193 00:08:55,395 --> 00:08:56,453 You're driving me crazy, man. 194 00:08:57,197 --> 00:09:00,428 (IMITATING CAR ENGINE) 195 00:09:02,936 --> 00:09:05,029 That's enough. You want me to write your name on the board? 196 00:09:05,539 --> 00:09:08,167 - (STUDENTS LAUGHING) - (YELLING) Ah. 197 00:09:09,943 --> 00:09:11,171 Home Alone, Home Alone, Home Alone. 198 00:09:11,378 --> 00:09:13,710 Okay, Jimmy, do you want me to call Principal Martel? 199 00:09:14,181 --> 00:09:16,615 - (GASPING) - That would not be bitchin', would it? 200 00:09:16,984 --> 00:09:19,145 - (CHITTERING) - Okay. 201 00:09:20,154 --> 00:09:21,485 You know what, Jimmy? You know what? 202 00:09:21,555 --> 00:09:23,614 Why don't you come up and teach the class, man? 203 00:09:24,291 --> 00:09:25,383 Hmm? 204 00:09:25,459 --> 00:09:26,585 Wouldn't that be awesome? 205 00:09:27,094 --> 00:09:28,322 Moi? 206 00:09:29,463 --> 00:09:30,760 - Yo, come on along. - (STUDENTS LAUGHING) 207 00:09:34,601 --> 00:09:35,795 Okay, good. 208 00:09:36,370 --> 00:09:38,133 No, and then you know what I'm gonna do, Jimmy? 209 00:09:38,205 --> 00:09:39,900 I'll just sit here. How 'bout that, Jimmy, 210 00:09:39,973 --> 00:09:41,565 and we can all watch how you're being disruptive. 211 00:09:42,109 --> 00:09:43,371 (SPEAKS IN SLOW MOTION) All right, class. 212 00:09:44,011 --> 00:09:45,672 Oh, I see. That's supposed to be me. 213 00:09:47,414 --> 00:09:48,642 All right, Jimmy, okay, I see. 214 00:09:48,815 --> 00:09:50,009 I get it's supposed to be me. 215 00:09:50,350 --> 00:09:52,818 It's time to be done, Jimmy. Don't you dare, Jimmy. 216 00:09:52,886 --> 00:09:53,875 - What are you... - (SCISSOR SNIPS) 217 00:09:53,987 --> 00:09:55,113 (STUDENTS LAUGHING) 218 00:10:00,227 --> 00:10:01,216 Oh, yeah? 219 00:10:01,728 --> 00:10:02,990 Oh, yeah? 220 00:10:04,164 --> 00:10:06,189 (SCREAMING) Oh, yeah? 221 00:10:07,234 --> 00:10:10,795 (UNINTELLIGIBLE SCREAMING) 222 00:10:11,471 --> 00:10:13,871 Well, this is you, Jimmy! 223 00:10:15,275 --> 00:10:17,243 (SCREAMING GIBBERISH) 224 00:10:21,315 --> 00:10:22,839 (SCREAMING) I'm you, Jimmy! 225 00:10:23,116 --> 00:10:24,708 (GROWLING AND SCREAMING) I'm Jimmy! 226 00:10:28,922 --> 00:10:30,116 How 'bout that, Jimmy, huh? 227 00:10:30,190 --> 00:10:31,521 "Oh, I'm gonna slap five! 228 00:10:31,592 --> 00:10:32,752 "Give me five!" Give me... 229 00:10:32,826 --> 00:10:34,123 Give me five! 230 00:10:34,194 --> 00:10:35,752 Huh, how 'bout that, huh? 231 00:10:35,996 --> 00:10:36,985 That's you, Jimmy! 232 00:10:37,331 --> 00:10:38,662 "I'm Jimmy. 233 00:10:39,199 --> 00:10:42,566 "I'm Jimmy, and I need attention! 234 00:10:42,736 --> 00:10:45,762 "Yeah, I'm Jimmy! I'm Jimmy! 235 00:10:45,939 --> 00:10:47,600 "Oh, lookie here. I'm a baby boy. 236 00:10:47,674 --> 00:10:49,369 "That's the funniest thing that ever happened, 237 00:10:49,443 --> 00:10:51,570 "in the whole world! 238 00:10:51,645 --> 00:10:54,273 "I'm Jimmy! I want attention! 239 00:10:54,348 --> 00:10:55,906 "Wiggy, wiggy, wiggy, wiggy, wiggy, wiggy! 240 00:10:55,983 --> 00:10:57,211 "I'm Jimmy! I'm Jimmy!" 241 00:10:57,417 --> 00:10:58,714 (HIGH PITCH GIBBERISH) 242 00:10:58,919 --> 00:11:00,011 Mr. Friar! 243 00:11:00,587 --> 00:11:02,452 Principal Martel! No, what? 244 00:11:02,789 --> 00:11:04,484 (GASPS) No, no, no, no, no, it was Jimmy. 245 00:11:04,958 --> 00:11:06,585 It was Jimmy, Principal Martel. 246 00:11:06,660 --> 00:11:07,752 - No, Jimmy. - Quiet! 247 00:11:07,828 --> 00:11:09,819 (WAILING) It was Jimmy! 248 00:11:09,896 --> 00:11:11,124 It was Jimmy! 249 00:11:11,365 --> 00:11:13,925 - (SCREAMING) It was Jimmy! - (DOOR SHUTS) 250 00:11:18,805 --> 00:11:20,363 (STUDENTS CHEERING) Whoo! 251 00:11:23,243 --> 00:11:26,076 STUDENTS: Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy... 252 00:11:27,047 --> 00:11:29,743 - Ah-ha! - STUDENTS: Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy... 253 00:11:50,904 --> 00:11:52,667 I'm gonna contextualize the whole thing. 254 00:11:52,739 --> 00:11:54,400 They're a step ahead of us every single time. 255 00:11:54,908 --> 00:11:56,933 - Oh, absolutely. - A step ahead every... 256 00:12:01,214 --> 00:12:02,545 Dicknanigans. 257 00:12:05,619 --> 00:12:07,484 (SLOW DRAMATIC MUSIC) 258 00:12:32,245 --> 00:12:34,008 - (CAR HORN) - (CAR CRASHING) 259 00:12:35,649 --> 00:12:37,048 (SIGHS IN PAIN) No. 260 00:12:40,987 --> 00:12:42,147 (AUDIENCE INDISTINCT WHISPERING) 261 00:12:42,222 --> 00:12:44,213 BOTH: Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm. 262 00:12:45,025 --> 00:12:46,856 (WHISPERING) Dicknanigans. 263 00:12:47,094 --> 00:12:48,459 It's amazing. 264 00:12:49,363 --> 00:12:50,352 I know. 265 00:13:18,925 --> 00:13:20,324 Worms! 266 00:13:20,394 --> 00:13:21,691 (AUDIENCE EXCLAIM SLOWLY) 267 00:13:25,465 --> 00:13:26,762 Dicknanigans. 268 00:13:27,401 --> 00:13:28,891 It's a dialog, without a dialog. 269 00:13:29,035 --> 00:13:31,230 Absolutely. I feel like they're in my head. 270 00:13:36,042 --> 00:13:39,034 (DEBUSSY'S CLAIR DE LUNE PLAYING) 271 00:14:09,576 --> 00:14:10,565 (AUDIENCE GASPING IN AMAZEMENT) 272 00:14:13,346 --> 00:14:14,643 Struggling. 273 00:14:17,184 --> 00:14:18,515 (GASPING IN APPRECIATION) 274 00:14:22,923 --> 00:14:24,117 Dicknanigans. 275 00:14:24,224 --> 00:14:25,213 Wow. 276 00:14:27,394 --> 00:14:29,453 (WHIMPERING) Poop. 277 00:14:29,796 --> 00:14:30,820 Dicknanigans. 278 00:14:32,065 --> 00:14:33,191 Frisbees. 279 00:14:33,533 --> 00:14:34,522 Dicknanigans. 280 00:14:36,102 --> 00:14:37,091 (SIGHS) Blurry. 281 00:14:37,471 --> 00:14:38,460 Dicknanigans. 282 00:14:39,906 --> 00:14:41,100 Solange. 283 00:14:42,676 --> 00:14:43,802 Dicknanigans! 284 00:14:47,380 --> 00:14:48,438 (LAUGHS) Oh. 285 00:14:48,515 --> 00:14:49,982 (AUDIENCE CHEERING) 286 00:15:12,506 --> 00:15:13,905 Gentlemen... 287 00:15:15,342 --> 00:15:16,707 "Exploded nuts syndrome," 288 00:15:17,143 --> 00:15:19,338 is a condition indicated by the presence of, 289 00:15:19,412 --> 00:15:20,606 exploded nuts, 290 00:15:21,147 --> 00:15:22,341 which yours are. 291 00:15:24,584 --> 00:15:26,051 (SIGHS) By the way, I saw your show last night. 292 00:15:27,387 --> 00:15:28,376 Amazing! 293 00:15:29,956 --> 00:15:34,120 LADY ANNOUNCER: Dr. Kravis, you have a visitor in the main lobby. Dr. Kravis... 294 00:15:38,899 --> 00:15:40,924 What if we did a scene, where, 295 00:15:41,001 --> 00:15:42,332 we're standing there, 296 00:15:42,402 --> 00:15:43,960 and our dicks are out? 297 00:15:45,005 --> 00:15:46,666 We don't blur it, nothing. Just... 298 00:15:47,274 --> 00:15:48,571 Show open, 299 00:15:49,276 --> 00:15:50,265 our cocks, 300 00:15:51,077 --> 00:15:52,101 next to each other. 301 00:15:52,646 --> 00:15:54,238 What is the story that the dicks are telling? 302 00:15:54,581 --> 00:15:57,106 Well, that's what we... Okay, now we're talking. Now we're brainstorming. 303 00:15:57,183 --> 00:15:58,548 So I'm thinking, 304 00:15:59,152 --> 00:16:00,585 it's like, they're neighbors. 305 00:16:00,654 --> 00:16:01,746 - Okay. - Okay. 306 00:16:01,821 --> 00:16:04,654 - Yes. - So they come out of 307 00:16:04,724 --> 00:16:06,385 - their houses. - Okay. Mmm-hmm. 308 00:16:06,459 --> 00:16:08,051 In the beginning of the day. 309 00:16:08,128 --> 00:16:09,152 Right, right. 310 00:16:09,229 --> 00:16:10,628 And, you know, my dick would be like, 311 00:16:10,730 --> 00:16:12,721 "Hey, Johnson." You know, something like that. 312 00:16:12,799 --> 00:16:15,632 Right, and mine... Mine would be named, "Hi, I'm Wily." 313 00:16:15,702 --> 00:16:17,693 Right, right. So, already we're gold. 314 00:16:17,871 --> 00:16:21,034 The jokes will write themselves, man. How many dick puns are there? 315 00:16:22,275 --> 00:16:24,266 A myriad amount of dick puns. 316 00:16:24,344 --> 00:16:25,743 Okay, "Let's go out and play ball." 317 00:16:25,812 --> 00:16:27,404 - Okay, you know what I'm saying? - Okay, right, I got you. 318 00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:29,072 - I hear you. - I'm gonna go in for a second, 319 00:16:29,149 --> 00:16:30,673 and eat my breakfast, some scrote-meal. 320 00:16:33,186 --> 00:16:35,154 God, scrote-meal alone is almost worth it. 321 00:16:35,221 --> 00:16:36,279 Absolutely. 322 00:16:36,356 --> 00:16:38,449 PEELE: We open with scrote-meal. 323 00:16:45,165 --> 00:16:47,065 ...what's good for you, boy, keep your hands off my woman. 324 00:16:47,133 --> 00:16:48,225 Your woman? I saw her first. 325 00:16:48,301 --> 00:16:51,168 - Don't you put your hands on me! - Don't you put your hands all over her! 326 00:16:51,237 --> 00:16:52,465 - Don't you put your hands on me! - That's my woman! 327 00:16:52,539 --> 00:16:54,370 - (AUDIENCE CHEERING) - ANNOUNCER: And now, for the scat stylings 328 00:16:54,674 --> 00:16:57,108 of Rex the Bone Daddy Ronson. 329 00:16:57,310 --> 00:17:00,370 And Teddy 12 Combs Lewis. 330 00:17:00,513 --> 00:17:01,844 (AUDIENCE CHEERING) 331 00:17:09,189 --> 00:17:12,215 Zoo do dweep Bodo dwape zoodo dweep 332 00:17:12,292 --> 00:17:17,252 Zodo ba datin wop wop Wa wop wow 333 00:17:18,131 --> 00:17:21,965 Butt butt butt butt butt butt butt butt 334 00:17:22,235 --> 00:17:23,702 Hoppy geebo derpa day 335 00:17:23,870 --> 00:17:25,428 Your breath smells Like a butt 336 00:17:25,505 --> 00:17:27,370 Your bop bop booty bop 337 00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:31,968 Your whole mouth smells Like an open ass 338 00:17:32,045 --> 00:17:34,138 Butt poop poo 339 00:17:36,182 --> 00:17:40,141 Way we vwee vway Fat fat wat dway 340 00:17:40,220 --> 00:17:42,586 Fatty used to Chewby Doo You're fat 341 00:17:42,656 --> 00:17:46,456 You're a fat at fat fay fay ba boo fatty Fah Boo Bah 342 00:17:46,526 --> 00:17:47,959 Fe Fi Fo Fum 343 00:17:48,028 --> 00:17:51,225 What do I smell But some fat next to me 344 00:17:51,297 --> 00:17:52,958 That's the man fatty mmm 345 00:17:53,033 --> 00:17:56,298 Potty foo fay fe fo fat type 346 00:17:57,937 --> 00:18:00,997 Hiddle bit little bit Dibbidy dobbidy doo la la da 347 00:18:01,074 --> 00:18:04,043 Teenily weenily hoddily Hiddily littla bittla 348 00:18:04,110 --> 00:18:05,577 Baby penis 349 00:18:09,883 --> 00:18:14,013 Feel free to suck it 350 00:18:14,087 --> 00:18:15,577 Suck it and suck it and suck it 351 00:18:15,655 --> 00:18:18,021 And suck it and suck it And suck it and suck it 352 00:18:18,391 --> 00:18:19,688 Feel free to suck it 353 00:18:19,759 --> 00:18:21,852 Feel free to suck it Feel free to suck it 354 00:18:22,228 --> 00:18:25,322 You can suck it And put it in in your mouth 355 00:18:26,066 --> 00:18:27,363 Stop 356 00:18:28,001 --> 00:18:29,195 Mop 357 00:18:29,269 --> 00:18:31,760 Your face your face Your face 358 00:18:31,838 --> 00:18:33,669 Looks like a ball sack 359 00:18:33,740 --> 00:18:36,675 No wrinkle dinkle doos Sticky doop 360 00:18:36,743 --> 00:18:39,735 Ba dee do wrinkle Dinkle dee dee ball sack 361 00:18:41,347 --> 00:18:45,875 Tellenum tellenum ten oh Ten you a taint you a taint 362 00:18:45,952 --> 00:18:47,886 You're a taint you're a taint You're a taint 363 00:18:47,954 --> 00:18:49,945 The space Between the butt and balls 364 00:18:50,023 --> 00:18:53,117 Taint face you rainty raint Your face is a taint 365 00:18:53,193 --> 00:18:57,061 Taint taint taint 366 00:18:57,130 --> 00:18:59,325 - Take it back - No I won't 367 00:18:59,399 --> 00:19:01,333 - Take it back - I never will 368 00:19:01,401 --> 00:19:02,390 Take it back 369 00:19:02,469 --> 00:19:04,096 - No I won't never will - Take it back take it back 370 00:19:04,170 --> 00:19:05,159 - Take it back - No I won't 371 00:19:05,238 --> 00:19:07,229 Cause you're a son of a son of a 372 00:19:07,307 --> 00:19:09,571 Son of a son of a bitch Bitch bitch 373 00:19:09,776 --> 00:19:14,008 Son of a son of a son of a Son of a bitch bitch bitch 374 00:19:14,247 --> 00:19:16,044 (AUDIENCE CHEERING) 375 00:19:26,559 --> 00:19:29,460 You don't need To fight over me 376 00:19:29,796 --> 00:19:32,765 There's plenty Of the va vaga 377 00:19:32,832 --> 00:19:35,801 Gi gi gi gi gi gi gi Chu chu chu chu chu chu 378 00:19:35,869 --> 00:19:37,393 Gina 379 00:19:38,171 --> 00:19:40,503 Vagina 380 00:19:41,941 --> 00:19:45,638 There's plenty of of of 381 00:19:45,712 --> 00:19:47,270 You know what I'm talking about, right? 382 00:19:47,714 --> 00:19:49,579 (CHUCKLING) Y'all know what I'm talking about. 383 00:19:49,649 --> 00:19:51,116 (AUDIENCE CHEERING) 384 00:20:04,230 --> 00:20:06,994 Do you know what R&B is? 385 00:20:07,133 --> 00:20:09,124 Do you know some real good modern... 386 00:20:09,202 --> 00:20:11,102 Oh, R&B's been around longer than rock and roll. 387 00:20:11,171 --> 00:20:12,160 That modern shit I'm talking. 388 00:20:12,505 --> 00:20:13,995 I'm not talking about old school R&B. 389 00:20:14,073 --> 00:20:15,097 I'm talking about that... 390 00:20:15,175 --> 00:20:16,938 Come with me girl 391 00:20:17,510 --> 00:20:20,104 I'm gonna hit It from The back 392 00:20:20,413 --> 00:20:22,813 That's what they talking about nowadays in R&B. 393 00:20:22,882 --> 00:20:24,873 - That's what they talking about? - I'm not talking about like... 394 00:20:24,951 --> 00:20:26,782 I want to court you 395 00:20:26,853 --> 00:20:28,252 I'm not talking about that stuff. 396 00:20:28,321 --> 00:20:29,618 You're talking about getting right into the... 397 00:20:29,689 --> 00:20:31,350 "Where do I put this thing inside of your body?" 398 00:20:31,424 --> 00:20:32,413 Yes. 399 00:20:32,625 --> 00:20:33,990 I don't listen to that kind of music. 400 00:20:34,060 --> 00:20:35,755 It's R&B these days, 401 00:20:35,829 --> 00:20:39,196 is like a literal description of sexual intercourse. 402 00:20:39,866 --> 00:20:40,890 It's like... 403 00:20:40,967 --> 00:20:44,232 My penis Will go in your vagina 404 00:20:45,071 --> 00:20:46,231 No, it's not. 405 00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:47,898 No way. Really? 406 00:20:47,974 --> 00:20:49,635 Semen will come out 407 00:20:49,976 --> 00:20:54,037 Nine months later We might have a baby 408 00:20:55,148 --> 00:20:57,412 (LAUGHS) Really? 409 00:20:57,483 --> 00:20:59,041 PEELE: Mmm-hmm, that's how far it's come. 410 00:20:59,118 --> 00:21:01,143 I'm gonna do My one line here 411 00:21:01,221 --> 00:21:03,052 MAN: Oh, yeah. 412 00:21:06,345 --> 00:21:08,245 I will see you all next week. 413 00:21:08,548 --> 00:21:09,537 Take care. 414 00:21:10,216 --> 00:21:11,883 Okay, where are we going? 415 00:21:11,946 --> 00:21:14,446 Where's it? Is there a meeting after the meeting? 416 00:21:14,987 --> 00:21:17,305 Like, for cocktails or... 417 00:21:18,124 --> 00:21:19,113 Just... 418 00:21:19,859 --> 00:21:20,848 Okay. 30473