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1
00:00:04,797 --> 00:00:07,732
- All right, so we have to remember H5.
- Okay.
2
00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:10,633
- Um. Oh! I got it. High five.
- Oh, I see.
3
00:00:10,703 --> 00:00:12,170
Oh, that's good. I see what
you're trying to do there.
4
00:00:12,238 --> 00:00:13,865
Trying to figure out a mnemonic device.
5
00:00:14,107 --> 00:00:15,574
- Yeah, trying.
- Uh, okay, high fives
6
00:00:15,642 --> 00:00:17,269
came out in the '70s.
7
00:00:17,343 --> 00:00:19,174
- That's when they were invented. That's a 7.
- Yeah.
8
00:00:19,245 --> 00:00:20,234
There's two of us.
9
00:00:20,313 --> 00:00:22,713
- So, if you subtract 2 from 7, that's 5.
- So, why are you...
10
00:00:22,782 --> 00:00:24,511
Okay, great. So, you got it. So, um...
11
00:00:24,584 --> 00:00:26,950
And then, um,
there's five major food groups.
12
00:00:27,020 --> 00:00:28,009
Why are you going on?
13
00:00:28,087 --> 00:00:29,179
Oh, no. You're gonna love this.
14
00:00:29,255 --> 00:00:30,813
This is fun for me 'cause it's a puzzle.
15
00:00:30,890 --> 00:00:32,050
No, no puzzle.
16
00:00:32,125 --> 00:00:36,619
Five major food groups. There is meat,
vegetables, grain, dairy, and fruit.
17
00:00:36,696 --> 00:00:38,493
- Okay.
- My favorite fruit is pineapple.
18
00:00:38,564 --> 00:00:40,293
But you know that we got it already, so...
19
00:00:40,366 --> 00:00:42,766
- Pineapple comes from Hawaii.
- Okay.
20
00:00:42,835 --> 00:00:43,893
- And oh, oh.
- I don't...
21
00:00:43,970 --> 00:00:46,996
My favorite current show is Hawaii Five-0.
22
00:00:47,073 --> 00:00:48,734
Hawaii Five-0.
Okay, so that's it. Done.
23
00:00:48,808 --> 00:00:50,332
- We're done. Hawaii Five-0.
- Ooh, ooh, and Scott.
24
00:00:50,410 --> 00:00:53,379
- Scott Caan, is the star of Hawaii Five-0.
- Scott Caan?
25
00:00:53,446 --> 00:00:56,040
- We're really talking about Scott Caan now?
- And his father is James Caan,
26
00:00:56,115 --> 00:00:58,583
who's one of the five major stars...
27
00:00:58,651 --> 00:01:01,882
- What's wrong with you?
...of the... One of the five major huge stars.
28
00:01:01,954 --> 00:01:04,081
- "H," right? Of The Godfather movies.
- Yeah.
29
00:01:04,157 --> 00:01:06,557
- What? This is unbelievable.
- So it's Caan, Pacino...
30
00:01:06,626 --> 00:01:09,254
- I don't even know why you're doing this.
...Brando, Duvall, and um...
31
00:01:10,229 --> 00:01:11,821
- Diane Keaton.
...Diane Keaton. Yes, thank you.
32
00:01:11,898 --> 00:01:14,867
And it's easy to remember her name
because, her name is the same last name
33
00:01:14,934 --> 00:01:16,561
- as Buster Keaton and Michael Keaton.
- But, no, okay.
34
00:01:16,636 --> 00:01:18,297
- Both comedians.
- We're just going through this now.
35
00:01:18,371 --> 00:01:20,498
- And when you laugh, you say "ha"...
- Why are you doing this?
36
00:01:20,573 --> 00:01:21,562
..."ha-ha."
- Stop, stop.
37
00:01:21,641 --> 00:01:23,734
Stop, stop, stop. Stop!
38
00:01:23,810 --> 00:01:25,004
You see what you're doing?
39
00:01:25,945 --> 00:01:27,412
You're overcomplicating the whole thing.
40
00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:28,606
We already had it.
41
00:01:28,681 --> 00:01:31,809
You're just making it more difficult,
just like you do everything.
42
00:01:31,884 --> 00:01:33,943
I left my phone in the car.
43
00:01:34,921 --> 00:01:36,513
Which is...
44
00:01:36,956 --> 00:01:38,423
Wait, hold up. A dap.
45
00:01:38,791 --> 00:01:40,622
- No.
- No, it was handshake...
46
00:01:40,693 --> 00:01:42,684
- No, I got it. I got it. I got it. Ha.
- But, wait.
47
00:01:42,762 --> 00:01:45,230
Buster Keaton and Michael Keaton,
same last name as Diane Keaton.
48
00:01:45,298 --> 00:01:47,732
One of the five huge stars
of The Godfather movies.
49
00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:51,031
- But I got it.
- It's, Keaton, Brando, Duvall, Pacino...
50
00:01:51,104 --> 00:01:52,230
...and James Caan...
- Wait, wait, wait.
51
00:01:52,305 --> 00:01:53,431
...who's the father of Scott Caan...
- Oh, okay.
52
00:01:53,506 --> 00:01:55,167
...who's the star of Hawaii Five-0.
- It was a thing...
53
00:01:55,241 --> 00:01:57,675
Hawaii pineapple.
Pineapple's my favorite fruit.
54
00:01:57,744 --> 00:02:00,212
- Five major food groups. There's two of us.
- No, no, no, no, you can't...
55
00:02:00,279 --> 00:02:01,268
- Five plus two is seven.
- Wait, wait, so,
56
00:02:01,347 --> 00:02:03,872
that's the '70s when
high fives were invented, H5.
57
00:02:03,950 --> 00:02:06,180
High five! High five! I had it!
58
00:02:06,719 --> 00:02:07,947
Damn!
59
00:02:10,723 --> 00:02:12,315
Crazy crazy
60
00:02:12,725 --> 00:02:14,522
Does is crazy
61
00:02:15,294 --> 00:02:17,489
Make up for adjustment
62
00:02:18,631 --> 00:02:21,566
You jammin' on the verse
63
00:02:22,535 --> 00:02:26,335
First one's planned that you want to do
64
00:02:26,539 --> 00:02:28,063
All I want
65
00:02:28,574 --> 00:02:31,941
But I don't need you
66
00:02:33,346 --> 00:02:36,907
PEELE: Explain to me your
current health care regimen.
67
00:02:36,983 --> 00:02:38,382
- I mean, your...
- (KEY LAUGHS)
68
00:02:38,451 --> 00:02:41,045
- Your current physical.
- I do... Here's what it is.
69
00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:44,647
Aerobics is like slow, steady-state cardio.
70
00:02:44,724 --> 00:02:47,591
And what I do is, like, interval cardio.
71
00:02:47,660 --> 00:02:48,854
So you're doing it all day?
72
00:02:49,662 --> 00:02:50,754
Twenty minutes.
73
00:02:50,830 --> 00:02:52,297
- Oh.
- Like, 20 minutes a day.
74
00:02:52,365 --> 00:02:53,457
You could do it.
75
00:02:53,533 --> 00:02:55,797
What you do mean when you
said, "You could do it"?
76
00:02:55,868 --> 00:02:57,733
- Like, you dropped "You."
- I admit, I did. Okay.
77
00:02:57,804 --> 00:02:59,396
Why would you emphasize "You" like that?
78
00:02:59,472 --> 00:03:00,632
I'm just saying.
79
00:03:00,706 --> 00:03:02,571
- Of course I could do it.
- Of course you could it.
80
00:03:02,642 --> 00:03:04,166
I mean, it'd take a little while
for you get into it.
81
00:03:04,243 --> 00:03:05,710
- But you could do it.
- I'm an athletic,
82
00:03:05,778 --> 00:03:07,143
spry young man.
83
00:03:07,647 --> 00:03:10,013
Of course I could do it. I played soccer, bro.
84
00:03:21,194 --> 00:03:22,786
MALE ANNOUNCER:
Live from the Nestle Arena,
85
00:03:22,862 --> 00:03:27,458
welcome to the finalsof 1987 Jazz Fit championships.
86
00:03:28,835 --> 00:03:33,704
Representing The Body Shop fromHollywood, California... Flash!
87
00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:36,140
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
88
00:03:39,846 --> 00:03:43,304
And from The Skinny Shop inDetroit, Michigan... Lightning!
89
00:04:16,215 --> 00:04:17,204
(INAUDIBLE)
90
00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:35,627
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
91
00:04:54,587 --> 00:04:56,646
(MUSIC SLOWS DOWN)
92
00:05:05,932 --> 00:05:07,593
(UPBEAT MUSIC RESUMES)
93
00:05:16,409 --> 00:05:17,933
(MUSIC SLOWS DOWN)
94
00:05:48,441 --> 00:05:49,430
(MOUTHING) Motive?
95
00:05:55,514 --> 00:05:56,503
(INAUDIBLE)
96
00:06:30,783 --> 00:06:32,444
(UPBEAT MUSIC RESUMES)
97
00:06:35,254 --> 00:06:36,551
You son of a bitch!
98
00:06:36,722 --> 00:06:39,714
You motherfucker! You crazy sick fuck!
99
00:06:39,825 --> 00:06:41,588
Let me at him!
100
00:06:42,728 --> 00:06:43,888
I'm gonna kill you.
101
00:06:43,963 --> 00:06:45,396
You motherfucker!
102
00:06:45,464 --> 00:06:47,489
You motherfuck!
103
00:06:48,467 --> 00:06:50,628
Let me at him!
Let me at him!
104
00:06:54,140 --> 00:06:56,870
PEELE: If you and I were in
just a tag team fight,
105
00:06:56,943 --> 00:07:00,709
and there was a couple of
your average street riffraff...
106
00:07:00,914 --> 00:07:02,472
(LAUGHS) Some rapscallions?
107
00:07:02,549 --> 00:07:03,641
Well, how do you think we'd do?
108
00:07:03,716 --> 00:07:05,946
Now, when you say tag team,
you're not talking about one of us
109
00:07:06,019 --> 00:07:07,509
scrapping with three dudes and tagging out.
110
00:07:07,587 --> 00:07:09,646
- You're talking about if we were just together.
- Blip, blip.
111
00:07:09,722 --> 00:07:11,383
If we're just together, blippin' it, slippin' it.
112
00:07:11,457 --> 00:07:13,322
- Street rules. Yeah.
- Crappin' it, slappin' it.
113
00:07:13,593 --> 00:07:16,187
- Kick 'em in the crotch.
- Lf... Do we get a good... Do we get a weapon?
114
00:07:16,262 --> 00:07:17,388
Let's say no.
115
00:07:17,564 --> 00:07:19,498
- Average sized guys.
- So, bigger than us.
116
00:07:19,566 --> 00:07:22,330
Dude, I think if we went
hog wild on them, we'd be okay.
117
00:07:22,969 --> 00:07:25,096
Like, if we just went crazy and lost our minds.
118
00:07:25,171 --> 00:07:28,265
I mean, if I was beating a dude and
pissing myself at the same time, that's okay.
119
00:07:28,341 --> 00:07:29,638
As long as I'm making contact.
120
00:07:32,645 --> 00:07:35,011
- It turns out it wasn't a ghost at all.
- (LAUGHING)
121
00:07:35,081 --> 00:07:37,549
It was my little sister hiding in the basement!
122
00:07:37,650 --> 00:07:40,517
- (LAUGHING)
- (LAUGHS) And she was goin' "boo".
123
00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:43,712
- (LAUGHING)
- And making the noises the whole time, so...
124
00:07:51,397 --> 00:07:54,127
- Oh, shoot. I forgot his juice boxes.
- Oh.
125
00:07:54,367 --> 00:07:55,493
I will be right back.
126
00:07:55,735 --> 00:07:56,827
You'll be all right with Zachary?
127
00:07:56,903 --> 00:07:58,063
- I think so.
- Okay.
128
00:07:59,038 --> 00:08:00,027
(SIGHS)
129
00:08:01,708 --> 00:08:04,006
So, Zachary.
130
00:08:06,446 --> 00:08:08,607
You know I'm, uh, gonna be
marrying you mother,
131
00:08:09,449 --> 00:08:12,941
and, uh, I'm gonna be
moving in soon, and I just...
132
00:08:13,653 --> 00:08:14,642
(SIGHS)
133
00:08:14,854 --> 00:08:17,414
I'm so excited to spend more time with you.
134
00:08:20,994 --> 00:08:22,552
You know, I know
135
00:08:24,130 --> 00:08:26,894
that you had a hard time with your father and,
136
00:08:27,900 --> 00:08:30,960
and he spanked you and, you know,
137
00:08:31,137 --> 00:08:32,661
I just want you to know.
138
00:08:32,872 --> 00:08:35,238
(SIGHS) That's not gonna happen with me.
139
00:08:36,309 --> 00:08:37,298
Okay?
140
00:08:37,443 --> 00:08:41,174
And I promise, I will never spank you.
141
00:08:41,814 --> 00:08:44,942
(GASPS) Okay. That's...
142
00:08:46,986 --> 00:08:48,886
Okay. Um...
143
00:08:51,758 --> 00:08:52,884
I know why you did that.
144
00:08:54,293 --> 00:08:57,421
But I will never spank you
145
00:08:57,830 --> 00:09:01,561
because I know that you still... Oh! That's...
146
00:09:02,869 --> 00:09:05,702
(SIGHS, LAUGHS) Ow.
147
00:09:06,773 --> 00:09:12,405
I don't know that there's anything
I did to deserve that. Okay. This...
148
00:09:13,780 --> 00:09:16,840
(LAUGHS) You... Is...
149
00:09:16,916 --> 00:09:18,042
(CLEARS THROAT) Okay.
150
00:09:18,651 --> 00:09:19,879
I'm gonna be real with you.
151
00:09:20,687 --> 00:09:22,314
You can't go hittin' people.
152
00:09:22,789 --> 00:09:24,984
All right? Oh! Oh! Oh!
153
00:09:25,058 --> 00:09:28,050
I ain't coming back for that fourth one.
154
00:09:30,763 --> 00:09:32,128
All right. So we done?
155
00:09:32,198 --> 00:09:33,597
We got that out of our system?
156
00:09:33,733 --> 00:09:36,429
'Cause I know that this...
157
00:09:37,570 --> 00:09:38,730
This isn't you.
158
00:09:39,806 --> 00:09:41,740
Oh, I told you, you weren't... Oh!
159
00:09:43,142 --> 00:09:44,803
Oh! Oh! Oh! Come on!
160
00:09:47,313 --> 00:09:49,804
(GRUNTS) This... You...
(GRUNTS) Why?
161
00:09:49,882 --> 00:09:51,076
Oh, what?
162
00:09:51,184 --> 00:09:52,515
(GRUNTING)
163
00:09:52,719 --> 00:09:54,880
That's unbelievable.
164
00:09:55,354 --> 00:09:57,914
(HIGH-PITCHED MUMBLING)
165
00:09:58,491 --> 00:09:59,924
I'm the good guy.
166
00:09:59,992 --> 00:10:03,189
I'm... I'm the good guy, man.
167
00:10:04,831 --> 00:10:05,820
(SIGHS)
168
00:10:07,100 --> 00:10:08,089
Look.
169
00:10:09,502 --> 00:10:10,628
I'm never gonna spank you.
170
00:10:12,105 --> 00:10:13,766
I'm not gonna be like your father.
171
00:10:15,742 --> 00:10:17,004
I'm gonna be your friend.
172
00:10:22,315 --> 00:10:25,148
You need to respect me! You understand?
173
00:10:25,218 --> 00:10:27,152
You little shit!
174
00:10:30,823 --> 00:10:31,812
(SIGHS)
175
00:10:43,402 --> 00:10:46,235
I will respect you, Charles.
176
00:10:47,507 --> 00:10:49,498
If you play your role.
177
00:10:49,976 --> 00:10:51,307
Now, listen up.
178
00:10:52,545 --> 00:10:55,878
I'm a bad, bad boy, Charles.
179
00:10:56,849 --> 00:10:59,477
I don't need a fucking friend.
180
00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:03,416
So go ahead. Marry my mommy. Move in.
181
00:11:04,023 --> 00:11:05,684
Fuck her as hard as you want.
182
00:11:06,359 --> 00:11:09,157
Just leave me the fuck alone.
183
00:11:10,363 --> 00:11:14,925
You do that, 11 years from now,
I'll be out of the house.
184
00:11:15,501 --> 00:11:17,992
And we won't have any problems.
185
00:11:19,238 --> 00:11:20,637
You don't...
186
00:11:21,474 --> 00:11:22,532
And I
187
00:11:23,176 --> 00:11:24,165
will
188
00:11:24,811 --> 00:11:25,800
break you.
189
00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:28,942
Okay, Charles?
190
00:11:33,486 --> 00:11:34,783
How are we doing?
191
00:11:34,854 --> 00:11:36,481
(GIGGLES) I love him!
192
00:11:38,691 --> 00:11:39,988
(LAUGHS)
193
00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:50,592
So, the other thing I'm thinking is
maybe the plasma bolts...
194
00:11:50,670 --> 00:11:52,797
Instead of going the traditional way
and having them actually
195
00:11:52,872 --> 00:11:54,339
emanating from his hands,
196
00:11:54,407 --> 00:11:56,432
- what if they came from his aura?
- (INTERCOM BEEPS)
197
00:11:56,509 --> 00:11:58,477
- They just came...
- MAN: (ON INTERCOM) Uh, he's here.
198
00:11:58,544 --> 00:11:59,533
Oh, God. Thank you.
199
00:11:59,612 --> 00:12:01,477
Guys, this is so exciting.
200
00:12:02,315 --> 00:12:06,046
Marvel legend Stan Lee calls me
on the phone a couple of weeks ago,
201
00:12:06,118 --> 00:12:08,518
and says, "I'd like to stop by."
202
00:12:08,588 --> 00:12:11,386
So I just thought that'd
be a great treat, so he's...
203
00:12:11,457 --> 00:12:12,481
Excelsior!
204
00:12:12,558 --> 00:12:15,152
- Hey! Mr. Lee!
- All right. All right.
205
00:12:15,228 --> 00:12:16,991
Sit down, sit down. Let's get going.
206
00:12:17,063 --> 00:12:18,894
Oh, you're here to pitch us some characters?
207
00:12:18,965 --> 00:12:21,024
You bet your bottom dollar, I have.
208
00:12:21,100 --> 00:12:22,431
(ALL LAUGH)
209
00:12:22,535 --> 00:12:24,628
All right, let's see here. We got to...
210
00:12:29,642 --> 00:12:32,110
Easel work's a little bit rusty.
Don't touch that.
211
00:12:33,446 --> 00:12:35,778
Okay. Introducing...
212
00:12:37,483 --> 00:12:38,677
Heyday.
213
00:12:39,585 --> 00:12:43,487
He lives perpetually in his best year, 1982.
214
00:12:43,890 --> 00:12:47,257
His nemesis is the evil Writer's Block.
215
00:12:47,693 --> 00:12:51,493
He'll live forever as long as he
continues to come up with great,
216
00:12:51,664 --> 00:12:54,132
interesting, and relevant ideas.
217
00:13:00,273 --> 00:13:01,638
Well, that got nothing.
218
00:13:01,707 --> 00:13:04,175
Mr. Lee, I just... I just feel, you know,
we're really busy this morning.
219
00:13:04,243 --> 00:13:07,610
Uh-uh, this ain't
my first rodeo, sonny boy.
220
00:13:07,680 --> 00:13:09,807
I got a million of 'em. All right.
221
00:13:11,684 --> 00:13:13,174
Dr. Balance.
222
00:13:13,386 --> 00:13:16,583
He's an aging robotics scientist
223
00:13:16,656 --> 00:13:19,124
who never slips and falls in the shower.
224
00:13:19,191 --> 00:13:20,215
(DRAMATIC BACKGROUND MUSIC)
225
00:13:20,293 --> 00:13:22,318
It's Where Am I, Man?
226
00:13:22,395 --> 00:13:26,126
No matter how late at night
he gets up to go number one,
227
00:13:26,198 --> 00:13:29,190
he always knows exactly where he is.
228
00:13:30,036 --> 00:13:31,435
Thermostatro.
229
00:13:31,504 --> 00:13:34,564
He has the power to control any thermostat,
230
00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:37,006
which means he never has to be tormented
231
00:13:37,076 --> 00:13:40,409
by any sudden cold spots.
232
00:13:40,479 --> 00:13:44,575
Techno. He understands how to
control any technological device.
233
00:13:44,650 --> 00:13:47,813
Things like the computer
or the little hand computer.
234
00:13:48,220 --> 00:13:49,949
Road Rage.
235
00:13:50,323 --> 00:13:53,520
He gets behind innocent drivers
on the thoroughfare,
236
00:13:53,592 --> 00:13:56,755
on their way home from the doctor's office.
237
00:13:56,829 --> 00:13:59,627
And he leans on his radioactive horn.
238
00:13:59,699 --> 00:14:03,999
And they say, "Hey! Come on,
get off of my bumper, hot rod!
239
00:14:04,070 --> 00:14:06,197
"We're goin' as fast as we can!"
240
00:14:06,272 --> 00:14:07,432
(SIGHS)
241
00:14:07,506 --> 00:14:08,837
Where'd you guys come from?
242
00:14:11,610 --> 00:14:14,807
Oh, yeah. Here's the Gray Chaser.
243
00:14:16,215 --> 00:14:19,241
Her special powers are she's 40, has no kids,
244
00:14:19,318 --> 00:14:21,445
and she's got a rockin' hot bod.
245
00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:24,318
She's only into older dudes
with ponytails and liver spots.
246
00:14:24,390 --> 00:14:25,687
Homestead.
247
00:14:25,758 --> 00:14:27,419
He's got the mutant ability to force
248
00:14:27,493 --> 00:14:30,758
any of his busy adult children
to come visit for a change.
249
00:14:30,830 --> 00:14:32,821
I mean, would it kill you to pick up a phone?
250
00:14:32,898 --> 00:14:34,832
How 'bout an evil villain, huh?
251
00:14:34,900 --> 00:14:37,300
The Overweight Jamaican Maid.
252
00:14:37,370 --> 00:14:40,271
Also known as Jamila!
253
00:14:40,973 --> 00:14:42,634
She steals things.
254
00:14:45,644 --> 00:14:47,509
Mr. Lee, I'm... I'm so sorry.
255
00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:50,649
Just, with all due respect,
I don't think that, uh...
256
00:14:54,286 --> 00:14:56,880
I don't think that we could use
any of these characters.
257
00:14:58,090 --> 00:14:59,182
Oh.
258
00:14:59,825 --> 00:15:01,417
So say the room?
259
00:15:02,628 --> 00:15:03,822
- Yes.
- Yeah.
260
00:15:04,330 --> 00:15:05,319
Oh.
261
00:15:08,100 --> 00:15:10,091
No, I... I understand.
262
00:15:10,836 --> 00:15:13,066
Don't mind me. (LAUGHS)
263
00:15:13,305 --> 00:15:16,103
Sometimes you're just shooting blanks.
264
00:15:16,442 --> 00:15:18,672
(CHUCKLES) I know when I'm not wanted.
Just...
265
00:15:20,579 --> 00:15:24,106
Toss the rest of 'em in the, uh, trash
compactor, or whatever ya got these days.
266
00:15:24,183 --> 00:15:26,117
- It was a real honor, sir, to have you.
- Yeah...
267
00:15:28,487 --> 00:15:29,579
(LAUGHS)
268
00:15:29,889 --> 00:15:30,947
Eureka!
269
00:15:33,426 --> 00:15:35,417
I've just been inspired.
270
00:15:36,595 --> 00:15:39,359
Now, this is a superhero team.
271
00:15:39,765 --> 00:15:44,225
A ragtag group of multi-ethnics known as...
272
00:15:45,037 --> 00:15:46,902
The Fired Bunch.
273
00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:50,502
They possess the testicular fortitude
274
00:15:50,576 --> 00:15:53,340
to bite the very hand that feeds them
275
00:15:53,412 --> 00:15:55,471
and are cursed to walk the streets
276
00:15:56,048 --> 00:15:58,516
for an eternity unemployed.
277
00:16:00,486 --> 00:16:01,578
What do you think?
278
00:16:04,490 --> 00:16:06,754
- We love it!
- (ALL CHEER)
279
00:16:11,797 --> 00:16:14,288
- Excelsior!
- Excelsior!
280
00:16:18,771 --> 00:16:19,829
KEY: What's the worst job you ever had?
281
00:16:19,905 --> 00:16:23,341
Worst job I ever had...
282
00:16:23,642 --> 00:16:24,700
(SIGHS) Man.
283
00:16:24,777 --> 00:16:27,507
It sucked working for that coffee shop.
284
00:16:27,580 --> 00:16:28,842
Oh, that barista situation.
285
00:16:28,914 --> 00:16:30,313
Talkin' about barista.
286
00:16:30,583 --> 00:16:32,676
People be coming in
for coffee in the morning.
287
00:16:33,219 --> 00:16:35,050
Let me tell you something. They're not happy.
288
00:16:35,121 --> 00:16:36,588
They haven't had their...
BOTH: Coffee yet.
289
00:16:36,655 --> 00:16:37,679
Right, right, right.
290
00:16:37,756 --> 00:16:41,157
People are just talkin' about...
(CLEARS THROAT AND SIGHS)
291
00:16:41,227 --> 00:16:43,161
Being a barista, it was, like...
292
00:16:43,696 --> 00:16:46,824
It was a meeting of worlds
because you had Clarence.
293
00:16:46,899 --> 00:16:49,732
My man was one of them baristas
who was from, like, the south side.
294
00:16:49,802 --> 00:16:51,770
- Yeah, yeah.
- And then you had, like,
295
00:16:52,204 --> 00:16:56,607
Sarah, who was like... (HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
You know, she was like, the... The manager.
296
00:16:56,675 --> 00:16:58,802
The mid... The middle manager.
297
00:16:58,878 --> 00:17:01,108
And she was like, "You guys, we really..."
298
00:17:01,180 --> 00:17:05,116
(SIGHS) "We really need to put the
whipped cream can... Canisters
299
00:17:05,184 --> 00:17:07,675
"back where we got them."
300
00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:08,978
(IN NORMAL VOICE)
And just,
301
00:17:09,054 --> 00:17:11,079
- I mean, middle managers.
- Yeah.
302
00:17:11,157 --> 00:17:13,125
They are killing me.
303
00:17:13,192 --> 00:17:17,253
- Like, they are holding some status over you
- (LAUGHS) Yeah.
304
00:17:17,329 --> 00:17:19,024
- That you desperately want their job.
- Yeah, yeah.
305
00:17:19,098 --> 00:17:20,360
Like, you want to be like,
306
00:17:20,432 --> 00:17:24,334
(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
"Okay, round up, you guys."
307
00:17:24,403 --> 00:17:26,428
Not the round up. Please, not the...
308
00:17:26,505 --> 00:17:27,529
BOTH: Don't round up.
309
00:17:27,606 --> 00:17:29,233
(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
"Let's take a knee, you guys.
310
00:17:29,308 --> 00:17:31,435
"Good job. Good morning,
311
00:17:31,510 --> 00:17:35,947
"but we're really falling
behind with cleanliness."
312
00:17:36,015 --> 00:17:37,778
(NORMAL VOICE)
And you see these are the motherfuckers that
313
00:17:37,850 --> 00:17:40,614
just always be havin'... smokin'
cigarettes outside the back.
314
00:17:40,686 --> 00:17:42,620
- Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.
- "You want another break?
315
00:17:42,955 --> 00:17:44,923
- "You want another break?"
- What are you doin'?
316
00:17:54,233 --> 00:17:55,495
What flavor you got?
317
00:17:56,402 --> 00:17:57,391
Vanilla.
318
00:17:57,636 --> 00:17:58,660
Flavor do you got?
319
00:17:59,205 --> 00:18:00,365
Lemon zinger.
320
00:18:00,639 --> 00:18:01,867
Lemon zinger, like, uh, tea?
321
00:18:01,974 --> 00:18:03,100
Ooh.
322
00:18:03,542 --> 00:18:04,804
- What?
- Oh, no.
323
00:18:04,910 --> 00:18:06,502
- What's goin' on?
- (SIGHS)
324
00:18:06,579 --> 00:18:07,841
I got that brain freeze.
325
00:18:07,913 --> 00:18:09,175
Oh, man. The fuck you do.
326
00:18:09,248 --> 00:18:10,442
- You ain't got no brain freeze.
- Oh...
327
00:18:10,916 --> 00:18:11,940
(SHUDDERS)
328
00:18:12,451 --> 00:18:15,079
Hey, dude, relax. Man,
that shit'll pass, man. Calm down.
329
00:18:15,321 --> 00:18:16,345
It ain't passing.
330
00:18:17,389 --> 00:18:19,186
- Ooh. It's intensifying.
- What do you mean, "not passin"'?
331
00:18:19,258 --> 00:18:21,089
What do you mean, man?
That can't be intensifyin', dog.
332
00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:22,184
(EXHALES)
333
00:18:22,261 --> 00:18:23,990
Come on, man.
You say you from the hood, dog.
334
00:18:24,063 --> 00:18:25,724
You actin' weak right now
with this brain freeze.
335
00:18:25,831 --> 00:18:27,594
(GROANS) Ow!
336
00:18:27,666 --> 00:18:30,863
Come on. Ain't no brain freeze
gonna make you yell like that, man.
337
00:18:30,936 --> 00:18:33,530
Get over... Don't be hittin' your head
with the brain freeze. Come on. Hey!
338
00:18:33,606 --> 00:18:35,005
Yo, you goin' silver balls on that?
339
00:18:35,107 --> 00:18:37,166
- Silver balls on a string, kinetic energy.
- Please shut up.
340
00:18:37,243 --> 00:18:38,972
- (GROANING)
- What's wrong with you?
341
00:18:39,578 --> 00:18:40,806
Come on. Okay, exorcist.
342
00:18:40,879 --> 00:18:41,971
What are you doin' now?
343
00:18:42,047 --> 00:18:45,414
What, you doin' some kung fu?
Get over it, man. Listen.
344
00:18:45,884 --> 00:18:48,148
It can't be doin' this much to you.
345
00:18:48,787 --> 00:18:50,254
Listen, man.
Don't be a punk ass bitch, man.
346
00:18:50,322 --> 00:18:51,482
Get over the... What, are you afraid now?
347
00:18:51,557 --> 00:18:52,785
You seein' things? You just scared?
348
00:18:52,858 --> 00:18:54,018
Brain freeze making you scared?
349
00:18:54,093 --> 00:18:55,560
(SIGHS) Who are you?
350
00:18:55,628 --> 00:18:56,617
What do you mean, "Who am I?"
351
00:18:56,695 --> 00:18:57,787
You ain't got no Alzheimer's.
352
00:18:57,863 --> 00:18:59,922
- What's wrong with you.
- (EXCLAIMING)
353
00:18:59,999 --> 00:19:02,365
You a punk ass bitch. What is this?
354
00:19:02,935 --> 00:19:05,199
You goin' The Three Stooges
on this motherfucker.
355
00:19:05,271 --> 00:19:08,035
This is some crazy ass...
Oh, you did the hand block.
356
00:19:08,107 --> 00:19:09,802
(GASPING)
357
00:19:09,942 --> 00:19:11,603
You know what, man? You're weak, man.
358
00:19:11,677 --> 00:19:13,440
You a weak-ass motherfucker.
That's the problem.
359
00:19:13,512 --> 00:19:14,843
'Cause you're hood...
360
00:19:14,913 --> 00:19:16,039
- Mmm!
- Oh, whoa.
361
00:19:16,115 --> 00:19:17,776
Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo...
362
00:19:17,850 --> 00:19:19,545
Hold up now. Hold up now.
Hold up now. Hold up now.
363
00:19:19,618 --> 00:19:22,280
Hold up, man. You will continue
to eat the froyo even
364
00:19:22,354 --> 00:19:24,015
on top of the brain freeze?
365
00:19:24,456 --> 00:19:25,582
What are you doin', dog?
366
00:19:25,658 --> 00:19:27,649
Hey, now I'm really startin'
to respect you now, man.
367
00:19:27,726 --> 00:19:29,785
If you gonna eat the thing
that's causing you the pain?
368
00:19:29,962 --> 00:19:31,896
This is cray.
Oh, oh, now it's goin' faster.
369
00:19:32,431 --> 00:19:33,420
He's speedin' up.
370
00:19:33,499 --> 00:19:35,592
He's steerin' into the brain freeze.
371
00:19:36,001 --> 00:19:37,992
This shit is straight crazy right here, dog.
372
00:19:38,070 --> 00:19:40,834
Hey. Real talk, though?
Real talk, though? Real talk, though?
373
00:19:40,906 --> 00:19:42,168
I mean, this crazier than the time, man,
374
00:19:42,241 --> 00:19:43,674
that I strangled Benny with my bare hands,
375
00:19:43,742 --> 00:19:44,834
'cause he didn't have my money.
376
00:19:44,910 --> 00:19:46,241
All right. We got him.
377
00:19:46,679 --> 00:19:47,668
Got who?
378
00:19:48,213 --> 00:19:49,202
What?
379
00:19:49,548 --> 00:19:50,674
What? You 5-0?
380
00:19:50,749 --> 00:19:52,148
Stand up slowly.
381
00:19:52,751 --> 00:19:53,740
What?
382
00:19:53,819 --> 00:19:56,117
I can't believe this man.
I known you since the 6th grade.
383
00:19:56,422 --> 00:19:57,616
You're under arrest
384
00:19:57,990 --> 00:19:59,958
for the murder of Benny Tacteratrics.
385
00:20:00,225 --> 00:20:01,487
Get him out of here.
386
00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:04,723
Hey, man, you a punk-ass
brain-freeze motherfucker.
387
00:20:04,797 --> 00:20:07,391
You goin' to jail for a long time...
388
00:20:07,466 --> 00:20:09,798
(GROANS) I'm in too deep.
389
00:20:11,270 --> 00:20:13,329
(GROANS) I got the brain freeze.
390
00:20:14,173 --> 00:20:15,697
Got caught with the brain freeze.
391
00:20:15,774 --> 00:20:17,173
MAN: Yeah, you got that brain freeze!
392
00:20:17,242 --> 00:20:18,402
Get him out of here.
393
00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:23,680
Do you remember when
Catherine Zeta-Jones was in Entrapment?
394
00:20:25,184 --> 00:20:26,776
- Do I remember?
- This bitch.
395
00:20:26,852 --> 00:20:30,049
She doing a back bend.
And she upside down. And she on the floor.
396
00:20:30,122 --> 00:20:31,111
Going through the lasers.
397
00:20:31,190 --> 00:20:32,680
Going through the laser storm like this?
398
00:20:32,758 --> 00:20:34,623
- Going through the lasers. Do I...
- I just want to know...
399
00:20:34,693 --> 00:20:36,251
- Going through the lasers.
- I'm gonna watch it, dude.
400
00:20:36,328 --> 00:20:37,852
- Hey, sweetie.
- Say what?
401
00:20:37,930 --> 00:20:39,124
Maybe we should go
to the movies this weekend.
402
00:20:39,198 --> 00:20:41,223
- You got, uh...
- (GIGGLES) Say, who is this?
403
00:20:41,900 --> 00:20:43,663
- Catherine Zeta-Jones.
- You know what I'm sayin'?
404
00:20:43,902 --> 00:20:45,062
She was... She, oh...
405
00:20:45,170 --> 00:20:47,365
Do you remember, um, Career Opportunities
406
00:20:47,439 --> 00:20:49,100
when Jennifer Connelly was on that horse?
407
00:20:49,174 --> 00:20:50,607
- Oh.
- Talk about like...
408
00:20:50,676 --> 00:20:52,234
You talkin' about things I can't forget now.
409
00:20:52,311 --> 00:20:53,573
- Talkin' about...
- (LAUGHS) Shit was...
410
00:20:53,645 --> 00:20:56,614
- That shit was my awakening.
- Talk about things...
411
00:20:56,682 --> 00:20:58,616
(BOTH LAUGH)
412
00:20:59,952 --> 00:21:02,011
(SING-SONG)
I'm gonna do my one line here
413
00:21:02,087 --> 00:21:04,078
Oh, yeah.
31301
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