All language subtitles for Key and Peele S04E05 Quarterback Concussion 1080p WEB-DL AAC2 0 H 264-BTN.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,328 --> 00:00:09,092 Okay. I understand this is your first professional massage? 2 00:00:09,365 --> 00:00:11,333 - Oh, that's right. Mm-hmm. - Okay. 3 00:00:11,634 --> 00:00:14,330 I want to make you aware of some things that may or may not happen, 4 00:00:14,403 --> 00:00:17,167 but there's no need to feel embarrassed if they do. 5 00:00:17,239 --> 00:00:18,467 Okay. 6 00:00:18,541 --> 00:00:20,839 - Things such as crying. - Really? 7 00:00:20,910 --> 00:00:22,070 Mmm, oh, yes. 8 00:00:22,144 --> 00:00:24,578 Massage can release pent up emotions. 9 00:00:25,381 --> 00:00:26,643 - Hmm. - Also, 10 00:00:26,716 --> 00:00:29,549 not uncommon is the release of gas. 11 00:00:29,852 --> 00:00:31,843 - Like farting? - That's right, like farting. 12 00:00:32,722 --> 00:00:34,917 - Also, erections. - Really? 13 00:00:34,990 --> 00:00:36,423 - Yeah. - I didn't know that. 14 00:00:36,492 --> 00:00:39,154 Let's get started. (CLEARS THROAT) 15 00:00:39,328 --> 00:00:40,317 (EXHALES) 16 00:00:41,230 --> 00:00:42,219 (CRYING) 17 00:00:42,298 --> 00:00:43,492 (FARTS) 18 00:00:45,935 --> 00:00:47,527 Well, at least you didn't get a... 19 00:00:48,471 --> 00:00:49,961 There it is. 20 00:00:52,141 --> 00:00:53,733 Crazy crazy 21 00:00:54,143 --> 00:00:55,940 Does is crazy 22 00:00:56,712 --> 00:00:58,907 Make up for adjustment 23 00:01:00,049 --> 00:01:02,984 You jammin' on the verse 24 00:01:03,953 --> 00:01:07,753 First one's planned that you want to do 25 00:01:07,957 --> 00:01:09,481 All I want 26 00:01:09,992 --> 00:01:13,359 But I don't need you 27 00:01:14,630 --> 00:01:16,154 PEELE: So, what's the craziest biblical name? 28 00:01:16,499 --> 00:01:18,865 One of the best names in the Bible is Nimrod. 29 00:01:19,135 --> 00:01:21,467 - Mmm. - Don't think that didn't come from the Bible. 30 00:01:21,537 --> 00:01:24,404 And what, is that the character that just, like, fucked up? 31 00:01:24,473 --> 00:01:27,465 No, you know what? Nimrod, Nimrod is... 32 00:01:28,043 --> 00:01:30,102 (LAUGHS) Nimrod is a mighty warrior. 33 00:01:30,179 --> 00:01:32,943 There's a high school basketball team in northern Michigan called The Nimrods. 34 00:01:33,415 --> 00:01:35,645 Can you imagine having to be like, 35 00:01:35,718 --> 00:01:37,515 "Who a Nimrod? We Nimrods!" 36 00:01:37,586 --> 00:01:39,110 (LAUGHING) 37 00:01:41,857 --> 00:01:43,654 (CROWD SCREAMING) 38 00:01:43,859 --> 00:01:45,053 (PLAYERS YELLING) 39 00:01:57,706 --> 00:01:59,833 Here we come, son. Here we come. 40 00:02:01,243 --> 00:02:02,642 (SHOUTING) Hut! 41 00:02:03,145 --> 00:02:05,045 (EPIC THEATRICAL MUSIC) 42 00:02:32,374 --> 00:02:34,103 (HIGH PITCHED TONE) 43 00:02:40,049 --> 00:02:41,812 (WHISTLE BLOWING) 44 00:02:43,219 --> 00:02:45,619 - PLAYER: Man, you feeling all right? - QUARTERBACK: Yeah, I'm fine, man! 45 00:02:45,821 --> 00:02:47,288 (CROWD CHEERING) 46 00:02:48,357 --> 00:02:49,551 Let's go, let's go! 47 00:02:49,625 --> 00:02:50,990 - Come on! - Let's go, man! 48 00:02:51,060 --> 00:02:52,618 Man, what are we doing out there? 49 00:02:53,262 --> 00:02:55,196 What are we doing out there, huh? 50 00:02:55,798 --> 00:02:56,822 Because I don't know. 51 00:02:56,899 --> 00:02:58,230 No, seriously, what... What are we doing? 52 00:02:58,734 --> 00:02:59,860 What... What are we doing? 53 00:03:01,370 --> 00:03:02,701 - Playing football? - Okay, yeah. 54 00:03:02,771 --> 00:03:04,238 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 55 00:03:04,306 --> 00:03:06,774 That's it, man. Playing football, yeah? 56 00:03:07,610 --> 00:03:09,737 Yo, Exquisite T. 57 00:03:09,812 --> 00:03:11,837 You need to let the medics take a look at you, man. 58 00:03:12,214 --> 00:03:13,841 Dude, I'm all right, man. I'm fine. 59 00:03:14,516 --> 00:03:15,676 Shoot. Hey. 60 00:03:15,885 --> 00:03:16,874 I'm here, 61 00:03:17,620 --> 00:03:18,951 and I'm ready to do this, man. 62 00:03:19,021 --> 00:03:20,852 - All right. - What about you all, man? 63 00:03:21,690 --> 00:03:23,453 - Do you want this? - Yeah. 64 00:03:23,525 --> 00:03:25,117 - Yeah. - Do you want this? 65 00:03:25,194 --> 00:03:26,183 ALL: Yeah! 66 00:03:26,262 --> 00:03:27,957 - Do you want this? - Yeah! 67 00:03:28,030 --> 00:03:29,520 - Do you want this? - Yeah! 68 00:03:29,598 --> 00:03:31,031 I mean, all you had to do was ask, man. 69 00:03:31,100 --> 00:03:33,625 - There's plenty of apple pie to go around. - Oh, apple pie. 70 00:03:33,702 --> 00:03:35,329 You want some apple pie, brother? Come on, man. 71 00:03:35,671 --> 00:03:36,865 Who want a slice? 72 00:03:36,939 --> 00:03:39,806 Yo, Exquisite T, ain't no apple pie, man. 73 00:03:39,875 --> 00:03:41,467 - That's your helmet. - Hey, hey, hey, hey. 74 00:03:41,543 --> 00:03:43,670 Dog, dog, dog, maybe you should just sit out the next play. 75 00:03:43,746 --> 00:03:44,906 - Sit out the next play? - Yeah. 76 00:03:44,980 --> 00:03:46,413 - Are you gonna sit out the next play? - Nah. 77 00:03:46,482 --> 00:03:48,473 You gonna sit out the next play? I didn't think so. 78 00:03:48,717 --> 00:03:50,912 I don't need to sit out the next play, and I'm gonna tell you why. 79 00:03:50,986 --> 00:03:52,180 'Cause all y'all. 80 00:03:52,521 --> 00:03:53,852 'Cause I know y'all got my back. 81 00:03:54,189 --> 00:03:55,850 Y'all know what I see when I look at you? 82 00:03:56,358 --> 00:03:57,620 I'm a tell you what I see. 83 00:03:58,327 --> 00:03:59,885 - Grown men... - Yeah, yeah. 84 00:04:00,329 --> 00:04:02,320 - Who look like giants... - Yeah. 85 00:04:02,665 --> 00:04:05,225 - With really big shoulders... - Yeah! 86 00:04:05,301 --> 00:04:07,531 - Who are wearing short pants. - What? 87 00:04:08,070 --> 00:04:11,631 And just right there, a few seconds of complete darkness, 88 00:04:11,707 --> 00:04:13,698 and then I saw some little floaty specks of light. 89 00:04:13,776 --> 00:04:14,970 In the air, up like that. 90 00:04:15,044 --> 00:04:16,602 - Exquisite T. - Who is that? 91 00:04:16,679 --> 00:04:18,647 - Is that cartoon squirrel talking to me? - Yeah. 92 00:04:18,714 --> 00:04:19,840 Cartoon squirrel, where you at? 93 00:04:19,915 --> 00:04:21,109 - I'm here, man. - Oh, yes. 94 00:04:21,183 --> 00:04:24,209 You have a brain injury. 95 00:04:24,286 --> 00:04:26,277 You need to get some medical attention. 96 00:04:26,355 --> 00:04:28,721 Hey, I'm gonna tell you right now, cartoon squirrel, 97 00:04:28,791 --> 00:04:31,089 who needs some medical attention is the Cougars over there. 98 00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:32,525 - Dog, dog, dog. - What, what? 99 00:04:32,594 --> 00:04:34,653 - We're playing The Bruisers. - Right, okay. 100 00:04:34,730 --> 00:04:36,595 - Bruisers. - Okay. Listen, y'all. 101 00:04:36,665 --> 00:04:38,963 We need to remember who we are, okay? 102 00:04:39,601 --> 00:04:41,159 We're the team of destiny this year. 103 00:04:41,570 --> 00:04:43,003 We're the team everybody talking about. 104 00:04:43,305 --> 00:04:45,330 We're the team everybody afraid of, man. 105 00:04:45,641 --> 00:04:47,199 We got to remember who we are. 106 00:04:47,810 --> 00:04:50,278 - Who are we? - Rhinos. 107 00:04:51,680 --> 00:04:53,648 - Who are we? - The Rhinos. 108 00:04:53,716 --> 00:04:55,650 - Who are we? - Rhinos! 109 00:04:55,718 --> 00:04:57,481 - Who are we? - Rhinos! 110 00:04:57,553 --> 00:04:58,986 - Who are we? - Rhinos. 111 00:04:59,054 --> 00:05:00,817 - Who are we? - Rhinos. 112 00:05:00,889 --> 00:05:02,481 - Are we The Rhinos? - Yeah! 113 00:05:06,562 --> 00:05:07,620 Oh, my God. 114 00:05:07,930 --> 00:05:10,398 - Somebody stole our horns. - (GROANING) 115 00:05:10,466 --> 00:05:13,560 - We got to find our horns, y'all. - Oh, fuck it. 116 00:05:14,870 --> 00:05:17,065 - What the fuck? - Where the horns at? 117 00:05:18,073 --> 00:05:19,301 (MONITORS BEEPING) 118 00:05:20,142 --> 00:05:21,905 WOMAN (ON PA): Dr. Forrest, dial 182, please. 119 00:05:22,244 --> 00:05:24,576 Dr. Forrest, please dial... 120 00:05:24,646 --> 00:05:25,908 (SIGHS) 121 00:05:28,417 --> 00:05:30,681 - Don? - Yes, I'm here. 122 00:05:33,155 --> 00:05:34,816 Promise you'll never forget about me. 123 00:05:36,258 --> 00:05:38,522 (SIGHS) Yes. 124 00:05:40,963 --> 00:05:42,294 Of course. 125 00:05:43,499 --> 00:05:45,626 Promise me you'll take care of our little girl. 126 00:05:46,635 --> 00:05:47,659 And love her. 127 00:05:48,470 --> 00:05:51,962 (SHAKILY) Yes, with all my heart. 128 00:05:54,043 --> 00:05:56,136 Promise me you'll stay strong for her. 129 00:05:57,112 --> 00:05:58,101 (SOBBING) 130 00:05:58,614 --> 00:06:00,946 Yes, yes. 131 00:06:01,683 --> 00:06:03,014 I promise. 132 00:06:05,354 --> 00:06:07,845 And promise me you'll never sleep with another woman. 133 00:06:10,793 --> 00:06:12,590 (CLICKING TONGUE) 134 00:06:15,697 --> 00:06:17,460 (SOFTLY) I hear you. 135 00:06:19,535 --> 00:06:21,765 Promise me you'll take care of Mr. Big Fluffy Tail? 136 00:06:21,837 --> 00:06:22,826 Yes. 137 00:06:23,505 --> 00:06:25,097 Yes, yes, yes, done. 138 00:06:25,174 --> 00:06:28,871 That cat will be the most loved cat in the world. 139 00:06:30,112 --> 00:06:31,409 And that you won't look at porn. 140 00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:32,869 (QUIET GROAN) 141 00:06:34,883 --> 00:06:37,647 - Ahh. - Huh? 142 00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:39,883 (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) 143 00:06:40,255 --> 00:06:41,279 Is that yes? 144 00:06:41,423 --> 00:06:43,482 Checky, checky, checky, checky, chickety, chickety. 145 00:06:43,559 --> 00:06:44,685 Chickety check. 146 00:06:45,894 --> 00:06:46,952 No pornography. 147 00:06:47,029 --> 00:06:49,554 Buster Brown says what? 148 00:06:50,532 --> 00:06:51,760 Is that a yes? 149 00:06:53,335 --> 00:06:57,931 (SPEAKING SLOWLY) You better believe I heard what you said, girl. 150 00:06:58,674 --> 00:07:01,973 - You love me, right? - Yes, I love you. Yes. 151 00:07:02,444 --> 00:07:04,378 - And we're soul mates, right? - Yes. 152 00:07:05,981 --> 00:07:08,609 So, you will never, ever, ever 153 00:07:08,684 --> 00:07:10,948 think of someone else while masturbating, right? 154 00:07:11,820 --> 00:07:13,788 (ROBOTIC VOICE) Message received. 155 00:07:14,323 --> 00:07:15,790 I don't understand. Is that a yes? 156 00:07:16,125 --> 00:07:17,422 Yo comprende. 157 00:07:17,860 --> 00:07:18,952 Is that a promise? 158 00:07:19,161 --> 00:07:21,721 (GOOFY VOICE) Your request has been filed. 159 00:07:22,197 --> 00:07:23,323 Say you promise. 160 00:07:28,971 --> 00:07:31,838 Forget about, 161 00:07:31,907 --> 00:07:32,999 huh? 162 00:07:33,075 --> 00:07:34,133 Huh? 163 00:07:34,643 --> 00:07:36,270 - I need to hear you say it. - It. 164 00:07:36,345 --> 00:07:37,505 I... No, say, "I pro... 165 00:07:37,579 --> 00:07:38,910 - "I promise." - You promise. 166 00:07:38,981 --> 00:07:42,280 You... You promise. 167 00:07:43,619 --> 00:07:44,608 Say it. 168 00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:47,311 - Okay, "I promise." - No air quotes. 169 00:07:47,823 --> 00:07:51,657 (SINGING) Promises are things that mothers 170 00:07:51,727 --> 00:07:53,092 Say it, say it! 171 00:07:55,063 --> 00:07:56,223 I promise, I promise. 172 00:07:57,032 --> 00:07:58,260 What are you promising? 173 00:07:58,333 --> 00:07:59,732 (LOW TONE) I promise what you said. 174 00:07:59,801 --> 00:08:01,462 (SIGHS) Fine, forget it. 175 00:08:01,537 --> 00:08:05,098 Yes. I mean, okay. 176 00:08:08,443 --> 00:08:10,877 Will you at least promise to go see my mom every day? 177 00:08:11,947 --> 00:08:13,676 So, zero pornography? Done. 178 00:08:15,384 --> 00:08:16,373 I like that. 179 00:08:16,718 --> 00:08:17,878 (SHOUTING) Nurse? 180 00:08:18,620 --> 00:08:20,144 Fix my wife! 181 00:08:20,889 --> 00:08:22,220 (CRYING) 182 00:08:27,029 --> 00:08:28,326 Don't touch me right now. 183 00:08:28,397 --> 00:08:30,627 I'm just... It's not all about you. 184 00:08:35,837 --> 00:08:37,964 KEY: I got to go to the bathroom, like, like, right quick, though. 185 00:08:39,808 --> 00:08:41,400 Give me that... Give me that bottle, here. 186 00:08:41,476 --> 00:08:42,909 I'm kidding. (SNICKERING) 187 00:08:43,579 --> 00:08:45,012 Do you know anybody who's done that? Ever done that? 188 00:08:45,314 --> 00:08:47,077 Um, what, peed in a bottle? 189 00:08:47,149 --> 00:08:48,810 - Yeah. - Probably. 190 00:08:48,884 --> 00:08:50,010 I have a family member. 191 00:08:50,085 --> 00:08:52,679 One time, who had some dysentery situations. 192 00:08:52,754 --> 00:08:55,348 - Oh, no. - And we were out in the middle, like, in, 193 00:08:55,424 --> 00:08:56,550 it looked like this. 194 00:08:57,292 --> 00:08:59,522 - And this person... - He had dysentery out here? 195 00:08:59,595 --> 00:09:01,859 - Now, I didn't say it was a he. - Oh. 196 00:09:01,930 --> 00:09:04,558 - I'm just saying a member of my family. - (CHUCKLING) 197 00:09:04,633 --> 00:09:06,032 This person had to go to the bathroom. 198 00:09:06,101 --> 00:09:07,363 We're out in the middle of the desert. 199 00:09:07,436 --> 00:09:09,700 We didn't have anything for this person to go to the bathroom in. 200 00:09:10,205 --> 00:09:12,696 Nigga, there was an empty... 201 00:09:13,809 --> 00:09:14,901 Country Crock. 202 00:09:14,977 --> 00:09:17,343 (LAUGHING) Country Crock. 203 00:09:18,347 --> 00:09:20,542 - Oh, no. - There was for real. 204 00:09:20,616 --> 00:09:23,312 - In real life an empty Country Crock. - This person left the car? 205 00:09:23,385 --> 00:09:25,410 - They left the car? - They left the car. 206 00:09:25,487 --> 00:09:27,819 But you were in the desert, so somebody could have just gone... 207 00:09:28,156 --> 00:09:29,453 They didn't have to really. 208 00:09:29,925 --> 00:09:30,983 They didn't have to. 209 00:09:31,059 --> 00:09:33,357 - And then left it? - But it was so apropos. 210 00:09:33,762 --> 00:09:37,095 - (LAUGHING) - Come on, man. Country Crock? 211 00:09:38,567 --> 00:09:40,592 - How could we not use that? - (COUGHS) 212 00:09:40,669 --> 00:09:42,136 KEY: Oh, shit, I'm gonna piss myself. 213 00:09:45,274 --> 00:09:46,798 Okay, so, okay, but check this out, okay? 214 00:09:46,875 --> 00:09:50,106 So, this one time in college, man, I was straight kicking game. 215 00:09:50,178 --> 00:09:52,009 To this beautiful chick, Diana, man? 216 00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:54,241 And the... It's a house party, and so anyway, 217 00:09:54,316 --> 00:09:56,113 I go to the kitchen to grab us a couple of beers, man. 218 00:09:56,184 --> 00:09:59,676 I kid you not, I slipped on a banana peel. 219 00:09:59,755 --> 00:10:02,223 - (LAUGHING) - A banana peel. It was like this. 220 00:10:02,291 --> 00:10:06,387 I was like... Man, I just fell on my ass. I just busted my ass. 221 00:10:06,461 --> 00:10:07,553 A banana peel? 222 00:10:07,629 --> 00:10:09,062 Like I was Buster Keaton or something. 223 00:10:09,131 --> 00:10:10,155 I was like... Poo! 224 00:10:10,232 --> 00:10:11,563 (ALL LAUGHING) 225 00:10:16,104 --> 00:10:17,435 It's, uh... 226 00:10:18,940 --> 00:10:20,908 Yo... Yo, dog, you good? 227 00:10:21,310 --> 00:10:23,505 Yeah, man, uh, what are you doing? 228 00:10:25,580 --> 00:10:26,604 (GRUFFLY) What, me? 229 00:10:28,850 --> 00:10:32,047 It was a funny story. I was laughing. 230 00:10:32,587 --> 00:10:34,953 Then let it out, man. Just... Just laugh. 231 00:10:36,191 --> 00:10:37,180 I am. 232 00:10:37,826 --> 00:10:41,193 Yeah, so, anyway, you know, so I get up, right? 233 00:10:41,263 --> 00:10:42,491 And I go to grab a beer, 234 00:10:42,564 --> 00:10:45,124 and I forget they all was shooken up when they fell, right? 235 00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:49,102 I kid you not, this beer exploded in my crotch. 236 00:10:49,171 --> 00:10:50,570 And it looked like I peed myself. 237 00:10:50,639 --> 00:10:52,630 - (LAUGHING) - And now I'm trying to walk, but my pants... 238 00:10:52,708 --> 00:10:54,232 (LAUGHING CONTINUES) 239 00:10:55,811 --> 00:10:57,642 Come on, what are we doing? 240 00:11:01,683 --> 00:11:03,708 - Don't hit... - Don't hit my couch, Laron. 241 00:11:10,459 --> 00:11:11,448 What? 242 00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:14,451 Come on, yo. I'm just laughing with y'all. 243 00:11:14,930 --> 00:11:17,364 Well, we were laughing. 244 00:11:17,999 --> 00:11:20,194 You weren't... You didn't, you know, make any noise. 245 00:11:20,268 --> 00:11:24,068 You just opened your mouth, and you started jiggling. 246 00:11:24,139 --> 00:11:26,039 - You looked like a worm on crack. - Mm-hmm. 247 00:11:26,775 --> 00:11:31,269 I guess everybody just has their own unique laugh. 248 00:11:31,346 --> 00:11:33,143 Okay, man, you were not laughing. 249 00:11:33,215 --> 00:11:35,809 You were not emitting sound up out your mouth, man. 250 00:11:35,884 --> 00:11:37,215 Hey, I'm good. 251 00:11:37,619 --> 00:11:38,745 Tell your story. 252 00:11:39,988 --> 00:11:42,183 Thank you. Okay, so, anyway, 253 00:11:42,257 --> 00:11:46,193 I went back to the kitchen to get two fresh beers, 254 00:11:46,261 --> 00:11:47,728 and she said, 255 00:11:47,796 --> 00:11:50,230 "I hate beer, but where did my banana go?" 256 00:11:52,234 --> 00:11:55,362 And so then we called her Chiquita Diana. 257 00:11:58,440 --> 00:12:00,067 - There he goes. - Yeah. 258 00:12:00,308 --> 00:12:02,299 Laron, don't back up. Hey. 259 00:12:03,278 --> 00:12:04,802 - Come on, man. - Cut it out, Laron. 260 00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:06,370 Hey, get away from the turtles. 261 00:12:07,449 --> 00:12:09,747 Laron, don't do this, just don't touch my tur... 262 00:12:09,818 --> 00:12:11,217 Nigga, get away from it. 263 00:12:11,453 --> 00:12:14,047 - Why you knocking down my CDs? - Damn. 264 00:12:14,723 --> 00:12:16,315 What? Okay, you put a lampshade on your head? 265 00:12:16,391 --> 00:12:18,222 - Why would you do that? Hey. - Come on. 266 00:12:18,293 --> 00:12:20,352 - Come on, those are priceless. - Okay, you know what? 267 00:12:20,429 --> 00:12:21,953 Now it seem like you doing it intentionally, now. 268 00:12:22,030 --> 00:12:23,657 All right, see? That's not even... You know, 269 00:12:23,732 --> 00:12:24,994 it's almost like you choreographed it. 270 00:12:25,066 --> 00:12:26,431 - You're gonna clean all this up. - Okay. 271 00:12:26,501 --> 00:12:28,935 Look, hey, if you're gonna laugh, then just laugh! 272 00:12:30,372 --> 00:12:31,464 Damn! 273 00:12:35,877 --> 00:12:38,072 Maybe sometimes, 274 00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:40,677 you ain't as funny as you think. 275 00:12:41,917 --> 00:12:43,214 - (EXHALES) - All right. 276 00:12:43,919 --> 00:12:45,147 I got something that'll make you laugh. 277 00:12:47,155 --> 00:12:49,180 - Huh? Pow, huh? - Yeah, just let it out. 278 00:12:49,257 --> 00:12:50,554 - There you go, Laron. - Huh, that's funny. 279 00:12:50,625 --> 00:12:52,684 - That's it, man. Just let it out, dawg. - Uh-oh. 280 00:12:52,761 --> 00:12:54,251 - That's funny, huh? - There you go, man. 281 00:12:54,329 --> 00:12:56,559 - Oh! He went backwards. - Come on, buddy. Just laugh, man. 282 00:12:56,665 --> 00:12:58,826 Just laugh, man, just laugh. You know that's funny. 283 00:12:58,900 --> 00:13:00,333 - That's funny! - Why won't you laugh? 284 00:13:00,402 --> 00:13:02,029 - Come on, just let it out. - Just laugh, brother. 285 00:13:02,103 --> 00:13:03,570 - Come on, man. - It's a robot. 286 00:13:03,638 --> 00:13:05,902 - Oh, man, look, look, look. - Oh, oh, oh, oh, boop. 287 00:13:05,974 --> 00:13:08,204 (LAUGHING) Boop. 288 00:13:09,845 --> 00:13:11,745 Let it out, let it out! 289 00:13:12,013 --> 00:13:13,742 (SCREECHING ROAR) 290 00:13:14,449 --> 00:13:15,973 (ALL SCREAMING) 291 00:13:16,151 --> 00:13:17,550 (ROARING CONTINUES) 292 00:13:26,194 --> 00:13:28,094 - (PANTING) - See, that's why I didn't want to laugh. 293 00:13:43,612 --> 00:13:44,806 Have a good life. 294 00:13:55,624 --> 00:13:58,991 Do you remember the first time that you had a, like... 295 00:13:59,060 --> 00:14:00,049 Nocturnal emission? 296 00:14:00,128 --> 00:14:03,097 - Or a, even a... - Okay, no, that's... 297 00:14:03,164 --> 00:14:05,689 I was gonna say, like, a good, really good sandwich. 298 00:14:05,767 --> 00:14:08,565 But a nocturnal emission. 299 00:14:08,637 --> 00:14:10,764 - A wet dream, let's go. - Is that what you were... 300 00:14:10,839 --> 00:14:12,238 You were gonna say sandwich? 301 00:14:12,307 --> 00:14:14,070 Yeah, I was gonna say, yeah, when was the last time... 302 00:14:14,142 --> 00:14:15,905 The first time you had a really great sandwich? 303 00:14:16,545 --> 00:14:17,739 You talk about wet dreams. 304 00:14:17,812 --> 00:14:19,973 - No, wait a minute. - Do you remember the first time 305 00:14:20,048 --> 00:14:21,913 you had a wet dream about a sandwich? 306 00:14:21,983 --> 00:14:23,143 (LAUGHING NERVOUSLY) 307 00:14:23,218 --> 00:14:25,118 - 'Cause I do. - 1987. 308 00:14:25,186 --> 00:14:26,744 (LAUGHS) 1987. 309 00:14:33,295 --> 00:14:36,321 Zdravo, welcome. Welcome. 310 00:14:36,398 --> 00:14:37,797 Sit anywhere you like. Sit here. 311 00:14:37,866 --> 00:14:40,960 Sit here, in the other one. You want to sit right here. 312 00:14:41,036 --> 00:14:43,197 That's a good lady. Yes, all right. 313 00:14:43,438 --> 00:14:44,598 - First time? - First time? 314 00:14:44,673 --> 00:14:45,765 - First time? - Is the first time? 315 00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:47,364 - First time? - First time? First time for you? 316 00:14:47,442 --> 00:14:48,534 - First time? - Yes. 317 00:14:48,610 --> 00:14:49,770 All right! 318 00:14:49,844 --> 00:14:52,711 - Then dobro, dobro, good, all right. - (SIGHS) 319 00:14:53,214 --> 00:14:54,340 So what's good? 320 00:14:54,416 --> 00:14:55,713 Oh, well, I tell you right... 321 00:14:56,051 --> 00:14:57,245 You have to have the kebapi. 322 00:14:57,319 --> 00:14:59,048 Kebapi is what you are going to have, okay? 323 00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:01,645 Oh, don't they serve that in the cafe across the street? 324 00:15:01,723 --> 00:15:02,815 No! 325 00:15:03,224 --> 00:15:05,488 You cannot get the kebapi 326 00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:08,427 at the cafe across the street! 327 00:15:08,496 --> 00:15:09,520 (YELLING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 328 00:15:09,598 --> 00:15:10,792 (PANS CLATTERING) 329 00:15:12,834 --> 00:15:14,301 - What? What did I say? - (YELLING CONTINUES) 330 00:15:14,369 --> 00:15:16,769 Across the street is Albanian. 331 00:15:17,339 --> 00:15:21,241 This cafe, Macedonian. 332 00:15:22,277 --> 00:15:23,710 Macedonian. 333 00:15:30,418 --> 00:15:31,442 (SOFTLY) My friends, 334 00:15:32,420 --> 00:15:35,981 I like to apologize for the behavior of my passion. 335 00:15:36,725 --> 00:15:39,660 I just feel bad in my brain for people to think 336 00:15:39,995 --> 00:15:44,091 that your mouths will have been raped by the food 337 00:15:44,165 --> 00:15:48,397 that they serving at this Albanian mother of bitches. 338 00:15:48,470 --> 00:15:52,770 This mother bitches, sons of my bitch across the street, 339 00:15:52,841 --> 00:15:55,810 what they be serving is cevapi. 340 00:15:57,946 --> 00:16:00,005 And... And what do you serve here? 341 00:16:00,348 --> 00:16:02,646 - We serve the kebapi. - Kebapi. 342 00:16:03,084 --> 00:16:04,881 - Kebapi. - Kebapi. 343 00:16:04,953 --> 00:16:06,784 - Kebapi. - Kebapi. 344 00:16:07,555 --> 00:16:11,423 - Ke... Ba... Pi. - Kebapi. 345 00:16:11,726 --> 00:16:14,024 - Kebapi. - No, look at mouth. 346 00:16:14,863 --> 00:16:16,262 - Ke... - Ke... 347 00:16:16,331 --> 00:16:17,491 - Ba... - Ba... 348 00:16:17,565 --> 00:16:18,554 - Pi. - Pi. 349 00:16:18,633 --> 00:16:19,725 - Bapi. - Bapi. 350 00:16:19,801 --> 00:16:21,769 - Kebapi. Kebapi. - Kebapi. Kebapi. 351 00:16:21,836 --> 00:16:22,825 - Kebapi. - Kebapi. 352 00:16:22,904 --> 00:16:24,201 Now you know why you're getting it. 353 00:16:25,273 --> 00:16:26,467 - Kebapi. - Kebapi. 354 00:16:26,541 --> 00:16:27,803 - Kebapi. - You got it. 355 00:16:27,876 --> 00:16:29,241 - You finally did it, perfect. - Kebapi. 356 00:16:29,310 --> 00:16:33,212 What is the difference between kebapi and cevapi? 357 00:16:34,382 --> 00:16:35,508 But they don't know. 358 00:16:36,551 --> 00:16:37,575 No. 359 00:16:37,952 --> 00:16:39,613 I have to forgive them, right? 360 00:16:39,688 --> 00:16:41,713 It does seem they're nice, Abud. 361 00:16:45,260 --> 00:16:47,751 For the bastard mother bitches over there 362 00:16:48,129 --> 00:16:49,960 that are serving the cevapi... 363 00:16:50,031 --> 00:16:51,760 - Uh-huh. - Put in the grilled meat, 364 00:16:52,100 --> 00:16:55,900 salt, chopped red pepper, diced onion, 365 00:16:55,970 --> 00:16:58,905 cream, kajmak, ajvar, 366 00:16:59,808 --> 00:17:01,605 then the cottage cheese. 367 00:17:01,976 --> 00:17:03,534 (LAUGHS) 368 00:17:03,845 --> 00:17:06,712 - (LAUGHS) - But, and, so what... What do you serve? 369 00:17:06,781 --> 00:17:08,578 We serve the kebapi. 370 00:17:09,451 --> 00:17:12,614 And we put in the cottage cheese, the ajvar, 371 00:17:13,054 --> 00:17:15,989 the kajmak, the cream, you know? 372 00:17:16,057 --> 00:17:17,649 Then it's the diced onions... 373 00:17:17,959 --> 00:17:19,290 It sounds exactly like... 374 00:17:19,360 --> 00:17:22,193 Chopped pepper, and then the grilled meat. 375 00:17:22,397 --> 00:17:23,921 Then the grilled meat. 376 00:17:25,467 --> 00:17:26,764 And then we stir it. 377 00:17:27,469 --> 00:17:29,403 And across the street, they do... 378 00:17:29,471 --> 00:17:33,237 (SCREAMING) Those mother bitches over there, they mix it! 379 00:17:33,308 --> 00:17:37,210 The sons of mother, mother sons of liar! 380 00:17:40,582 --> 00:17:42,846 (SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 381 00:17:46,254 --> 00:17:48,017 I don't know what that's supposed to mean. 382 00:17:48,089 --> 00:17:50,250 (CONTINUES SHOUTING) 383 00:17:50,425 --> 00:17:52,484 - Oh, my God! - I show you! 384 00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:53,549 I'm gonna show you! 385 00:17:53,628 --> 00:17:55,687 We are here. They are there. 386 00:17:55,764 --> 00:17:57,425 We are here, they are there. 387 00:17:57,499 --> 00:17:59,023 Here, there, here, there. 388 00:17:59,100 --> 00:18:00,795 - Here, there, here. - No, stop. 389 00:18:00,869 --> 00:18:02,962 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 390 00:18:03,037 --> 00:18:04,800 (FOLK MUSIC PLAYING) 391 00:18:06,341 --> 00:18:09,970 - Good decision, my friends. - Yes, yes, yes. 392 00:18:10,044 --> 00:18:14,811 Now, it is time for you to try the real good food, 393 00:18:14,883 --> 00:18:19,183 not what this son of my bitches 394 00:18:19,254 --> 00:18:21,119 serve across the street. 395 00:18:22,791 --> 00:18:24,622 - Um, McDonalds? - Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. 396 00:18:24,692 --> 00:18:27,354 Make sure to give us the five stars on Yelp! 397 00:18:28,296 --> 00:18:29,285 (DOOR CLOSES) 398 00:18:37,172 --> 00:18:38,230 (SCREAMING) Where is he? 399 00:18:39,174 --> 00:18:40,402 - Stanley. - Huh? 400 00:18:42,177 --> 00:18:43,235 What's going on? 401 00:18:43,311 --> 00:18:45,609 Oh, come on, I know you've been cheating on me. 402 00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:46,942 You're being ridiculous. 403 00:18:47,015 --> 00:18:49,347 Andrea, enough is enough. 404 00:18:49,417 --> 00:18:54,081 I know you have been fucking a dog behind my back. 405 00:18:54,155 --> 00:18:55,349 What? 406 00:18:55,657 --> 00:18:57,591 A dog? A dog? 407 00:18:57,659 --> 00:18:59,058 That is insane. 408 00:18:59,127 --> 00:19:02,290 Then why did I find this in the laundry room, huh? 409 00:19:02,730 --> 00:19:03,890 (DOG BARKS) 410 00:19:04,999 --> 00:19:07,490 Oh, my God, he's here right now, isn't he? 411 00:19:08,002 --> 00:19:10,197 He's in my house right now! 412 00:19:10,471 --> 00:19:12,462 - Wait, Stanley, no! Wait! - (GROWLING) 413 00:19:13,208 --> 00:19:14,232 (GROWLS) 414 00:19:15,009 --> 00:19:16,977 It was you! (SCREAMING) 415 00:19:18,079 --> 00:19:19,273 (GASPS) 416 00:19:19,347 --> 00:19:21,076 You should... Ow! What ha... 417 00:19:21,149 --> 00:19:22,878 - Aah! - (DOG GROWLING) 418 00:19:23,551 --> 00:19:24,950 (SCREAMING) 419 00:19:25,019 --> 00:19:26,281 (DOG YIPPING) 420 00:19:26,354 --> 00:19:27,378 Aah! 421 00:19:28,122 --> 00:19:29,487 (SCREAMING) 422 00:19:29,557 --> 00:19:30,922 (DOG GROWLING) 423 00:19:30,992 --> 00:19:32,391 (GRUNTING) 424 00:19:36,898 --> 00:19:38,195 (MOUTHING INAUDIBLY) Go. 425 00:19:43,571 --> 00:19:45,163 Come here. 426 00:19:46,674 --> 00:19:47,663 (DOG WHINING) 427 00:19:57,352 --> 00:19:58,376 Oh. 428 00:20:00,521 --> 00:20:01,681 I see. 429 00:20:05,526 --> 00:20:06,686 You... 430 00:20:08,296 --> 00:20:09,820 Need to know... 431 00:20:11,499 --> 00:20:14,991 Your dog ruined a ten year marriage. 432 00:20:15,270 --> 00:20:16,760 (DOG WHIMPERS) 433 00:20:20,341 --> 00:20:22,309 And you can go to hell. 434 00:20:29,250 --> 00:20:31,582 No, he's cute, he's cute. I can see why you like him. 435 00:20:36,791 --> 00:20:37,951 KEY: Who was the first girl you kissed? 436 00:20:38,026 --> 00:20:39,960 - KEY: You got to know that. - PEELE: First girl I kissed? 437 00:20:40,295 --> 00:20:41,785 I shouldn't ask names. I just don't want to... 438 00:20:41,863 --> 00:20:44,297 No, it was, it was, it was... I was, like, five. 439 00:20:44,365 --> 00:20:46,993 She was six. It was crazy. 440 00:20:47,735 --> 00:20:49,828 - Turbulent relationship? - It was moving too fast. 441 00:20:50,738 --> 00:20:53,707 - I ended up with cooties. - Oh, no. 442 00:20:53,775 --> 00:20:55,402 - It was terminal. - Oh, boy. 443 00:20:55,476 --> 00:20:56,500 Still have it. 444 00:20:56,577 --> 00:20:59,375 I'm fighting a sustained cooties infection. 445 00:20:59,447 --> 00:21:00,436 Infection, yeah. 446 00:21:08,423 --> 00:21:10,914 - Kebapi. Kebapi. - Kebapi. Kebapi. 447 00:21:10,992 --> 00:21:13,187 - Kebapi. Kebapi. - Kebapi. Kebapi. 448 00:21:13,261 --> 00:21:15,320 That's close enough for you to do it, kebapi. 449 00:21:15,396 --> 00:21:16,454 - Kebapi. - Kebapi. 450 00:21:16,531 --> 00:21:18,089 - Kebapi. - It's kebapi. 451 00:21:18,366 --> 00:21:20,163 - Kebapi. Kebapi. - Kebapi. Kebapi. 452 00:21:21,736 --> 00:21:22,998 - Kebapi. - Kebapi. 32521

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