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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,094 --> 00:00:05,686 Thank you, Daniella. That'll be all. 2 00:00:06,363 --> 00:00:08,331 - Hey there, Tim. - Hey. 3 00:00:08,432 --> 00:00:10,832 - Just slide that on there. - Mmm-hmm. 4 00:00:10,934 --> 00:00:12,060 Turn the gas on here. 5 00:00:12,136 --> 00:00:13,865 I need you to count backwards from five, 6 00:00:13,971 --> 00:00:16,701 and then you will be off to the races. 7 00:00:17,207 --> 00:00:21,906 Five, four, three, two, one. 8 00:00:21,979 --> 00:00:24,038 Hey, Doc, I don't think that this gas is... 9 00:00:34,458 --> 00:00:36,119 Well, it was fun being a dentist. 10 00:00:45,636 --> 00:00:47,228 Crazy crazy 11 00:00:47,638 --> 00:00:49,435 Does is crazy 12 00:00:50,207 --> 00:00:52,402 Make up for adjustment 13 00:00:53,544 --> 00:00:56,479 You jammin' on the verse 14 00:00:57,448 --> 00:01:01,248 First one's planned that you want to do 15 00:01:01,452 --> 00:01:02,976 All I want 16 00:01:03,620 --> 00:01:06,987 But I don't need you 17 00:01:08,125 --> 00:01:10,150 KEY: The most exciting part about hitting a home run, to me, 18 00:01:10,227 --> 00:01:11,990 is always, "Is it gonna get out of the park?" 19 00:01:12,329 --> 00:01:14,354 - So you hit them? - Oh, no, no, not... No, no, no. 20 00:01:14,431 --> 00:01:16,729 I did not have a very illustrious little league career. 21 00:01:16,834 --> 00:01:18,267 - Little league's tough, man. - Like, it's... It is. 22 00:01:18,335 --> 00:01:20,599 And I was not good at it. I got one hit my whole career, 23 00:01:20,671 --> 00:01:22,298 and it was for the other team. 24 00:01:22,372 --> 00:01:23,396 (CHUCKLES) 25 00:01:23,474 --> 00:01:25,271 - They didn't have enough players. - (LAUGHS) 26 00:01:25,342 --> 00:01:28,402 Last game of the season, they had... They're like, "Key, 27 00:01:28,479 --> 00:01:30,208 - "go over to the other team." - Oh, my God. 28 00:01:30,280 --> 00:01:31,838 The reason I got the hit is because I hit the ball, 29 00:01:31,915 --> 00:01:33,974 and nobody was ready, 'cause I've never hit the ball before. 30 00:01:34,051 --> 00:01:35,382 It's crazy that we put our kids 31 00:01:35,452 --> 00:01:38,546 in this sport where they get all singled out. 32 00:01:38,689 --> 00:01:39,986 - I mean, that's... - Well, yeah, that sport, too. 33 00:01:40,057 --> 00:01:42,150 It's all about the performance right there at the plate. 34 00:01:42,559 --> 00:01:43,924 You swing, and swing, and swing, and miss, 35 00:01:43,994 --> 00:01:45,427 and miss, and miss, and miss, 36 00:01:45,496 --> 00:01:46,520 - and keep missing. - Yeah. 37 00:01:46,597 --> 00:01:48,189 Always missing, missing. 38 00:01:48,966 --> 00:01:51,662 Always. Never hit the ball. 39 00:01:51,769 --> 00:01:53,930 What's wrong with me? What's... 40 00:01:55,773 --> 00:01:57,240 Have you never hit the... Have you ever hit the ball? 41 00:01:57,307 --> 00:01:59,605 I've hit many a ball. 42 00:02:03,380 --> 00:02:05,280 Hey, hey, come on. Good game. Slap-ass, man. 43 00:02:05,816 --> 00:02:06,805 Slap-ass! 44 00:02:07,351 --> 00:02:09,478 Slap-ass! Slap-ass! 45 00:02:11,255 --> 00:02:12,586 Whoo! Hey, Garcia. 46 00:02:13,791 --> 00:02:16,225 Get him up out of here! Get out of the locker room! 47 00:02:16,293 --> 00:02:18,318 You get out of the locker room. Ahora! 48 00:02:19,263 --> 00:02:22,790 Ahh, slap-ass, slap-ass, slap-ass, slap-ass, slap-ass. 49 00:02:26,303 --> 00:02:28,100 - Whoo. - Good game, guys, way to go. 50 00:02:28,172 --> 00:02:29,503 Good hit, Garcia. 51 00:02:29,606 --> 00:02:32,131 Hey! Oh, you don't... Hey, hey, hey, hey, knock it off. 52 00:02:32,209 --> 00:02:33,938 You can't do that. Guys, guys, guys. 53 00:02:34,211 --> 00:02:35,200 Please know, 54 00:02:35,946 --> 00:02:38,847 Rafi just got out of treatment, remember? 55 00:02:40,751 --> 00:02:43,982 We don't want to trigger him with any slap-ass. 56 00:02:44,922 --> 00:02:45,911 Hey! 57 00:02:45,989 --> 00:02:48,219 What the fuck is going on here? 58 00:02:48,892 --> 00:02:51,520 Why are we all acting like the funeral in here? 59 00:02:51,895 --> 00:02:53,760 No, nothing, Rafi, heh. 60 00:02:53,831 --> 00:02:56,231 You just caught us in the lull in the conversation, man. 61 00:02:56,300 --> 00:02:58,165 - We're happy. - ALL: Yeah! 62 00:02:58,368 --> 00:02:59,357 - Yay! - We're happy here. 63 00:02:59,870 --> 00:03:01,531 I was a little afraid for a second, 64 00:03:01,605 --> 00:03:03,072 'cause, I mean, that was a good game, huh? 65 00:03:03,140 --> 00:03:04,129 - Good game. - Yeah, good game. 66 00:03:04,241 --> 00:03:06,072 All right. Hey, good game. 67 00:03:08,612 --> 00:03:10,011 Good game, man. 68 00:03:14,618 --> 00:03:15,607 Good game. 69 00:03:19,356 --> 00:03:20,345 Okay. 70 00:03:23,060 --> 00:03:24,994 There's a elefante in the room. 71 00:03:26,797 --> 00:03:29,322 You know, I want to talk about it. 72 00:03:31,001 --> 00:03:33,162 Sي, I had a problem. 73 00:03:34,371 --> 00:03:35,895 It was bad. 74 00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:38,540 At my lowest point, 75 00:03:38,609 --> 00:03:40,770 I would sneak into a horse's stable. 76 00:03:42,479 --> 00:03:44,811 When you find yourself at 1:00 a.m. In the morning 77 00:03:44,882 --> 00:03:46,179 with your hand in the air 78 00:03:47,150 --> 00:03:48,447 and a horse's ass 79 00:03:48,785 --> 00:03:49,979 in front of your face, 80 00:03:50,053 --> 00:03:51,611 that's when you know it's bad. 81 00:03:52,356 --> 00:03:53,550 Oh, Rafi. 82 00:03:53,891 --> 00:03:55,290 But I'm okay now. 83 00:03:56,059 --> 00:03:58,084 I'm all better, guys, honestly. 84 00:03:58,228 --> 00:04:01,129 Just treat me like I'm normal, okay? 85 00:04:01,198 --> 00:04:03,029 - Okay, Rafi. - Let's have some fun. 86 00:04:03,133 --> 00:04:04,862 - Okay, Rafi. - It's a game. 87 00:04:04,935 --> 00:04:06,960 - It's baseball. - MAN: Hey, all right. 88 00:04:07,704 --> 00:04:09,035 - You fucking guys. - MAN: It's a good game. 89 00:04:21,585 --> 00:04:22,847 Garcia, 90 00:04:23,787 --> 00:04:24,981 you can pick up your glove. 91 00:04:27,958 --> 00:04:30,586 (WHISPERING) Come on, pick up your glove. 92 00:04:46,643 --> 00:04:47,837 (LAUGHS) 93 00:04:47,911 --> 00:04:50,175 Hey, what I told you, huh? 94 00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:52,072 It's just normal, guys. Come on. 95 00:04:52,149 --> 00:04:54,413 You see, I'm fine. I'm all better now. 96 00:04:54,484 --> 00:04:55,951 You guys can do the normal stuff. 97 00:04:56,019 --> 00:04:58,146 Be yourselves. Bend things over. 98 00:04:58,221 --> 00:04:59,313 Pick things up. 99 00:04:59,389 --> 00:05:01,516 You know, do your stretches. 100 00:05:01,591 --> 00:05:04,617 Touch your toes, you stupid fuckers. 101 00:05:07,831 --> 00:05:09,696 (WHISTLES) Excuse, por favor. 102 00:05:10,968 --> 00:05:11,992 Hola, amigos. 103 00:05:13,103 --> 00:05:14,764 My name is Ruben. 104 00:05:15,639 --> 00:05:19,769 I just came over from the Braves' farm team. 105 00:05:20,110 --> 00:05:21,634 I'm from the Dominican Republic. 106 00:05:21,812 --> 00:05:23,040 - Hey. - Oh. 107 00:05:23,146 --> 00:05:24,238 We're all from the Dominican Republic. 108 00:05:24,348 --> 00:05:25,610 - Yeah. - I'm really excited 109 00:05:25,682 --> 00:05:27,809 to be working and playing with you all. 110 00:05:27,884 --> 00:05:29,317 - Go, Rhinos. - ALL: Go, Rhinos. 111 00:05:29,386 --> 00:05:30,512 - All right. - Go, Rhinos! 112 00:05:30,587 --> 00:05:31,918 - All right. - Whoo. 113 00:05:31,989 --> 00:05:34,184 RAFl: That's the kind of spirit I like to see there, Ruben. 114 00:05:34,257 --> 00:05:35,986 All right, welcome to the squad, man. 115 00:05:36,059 --> 00:05:37,287 - Thank you. - It's good to see another... 116 00:05:37,361 --> 00:05:39,192 - RUBEN: All right. - Muy bueno. 117 00:05:40,163 --> 00:05:41,255 RUBEN: All right. 118 00:05:41,598 --> 00:05:42,929 We gonna need a bigger boat. 119 00:05:43,967 --> 00:05:44,991 RUBEN: Whoo. 120 00:05:46,570 --> 00:05:47,662 Oh, they, uh... 121 00:05:48,338 --> 00:05:51,171 Really put your locker right next to my locker, huh? 122 00:05:51,408 --> 00:05:52,602 I guess so. 123 00:05:54,044 --> 00:05:55,477 - Yeah. - You got this, man. 124 00:05:56,179 --> 00:05:58,044 You're just spending an awful lot 125 00:05:58,115 --> 00:05:59,480 of time down there, you know? 126 00:05:59,783 --> 00:06:01,250 Hey, I have a lot of stuff. 127 00:06:01,418 --> 00:06:02,407 - Yeah. - A lot. 128 00:06:02,486 --> 00:06:03,544 I see that. 129 00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:05,080 Rafi, you can do this. 130 00:06:05,155 --> 00:06:06,554 Oh, my goodness. 131 00:06:07,657 --> 00:06:08,681 You okay there, buddy? 132 00:06:09,526 --> 00:06:10,686 You're not looking too good. 133 00:06:13,196 --> 00:06:14,595 I am feeling a bit flushed. 134 00:06:15,065 --> 00:06:17,693 You know, I got a good feeling about you. 135 00:06:18,402 --> 00:06:21,565 Maybe we could be good friends, maybe even the best of friends. 136 00:06:22,906 --> 00:06:24,373 Maybe another time. 137 00:06:25,409 --> 00:06:26,603 Another place. 138 00:06:27,878 --> 00:06:29,209 But not here. 139 00:06:30,180 --> 00:06:31,408 Not now. 140 00:06:32,215 --> 00:06:33,341 Well, either way, 141 00:06:33,417 --> 00:06:34,475 we're teammates, 142 00:06:34,584 --> 00:06:36,882 and so, anything I can do for you, 143 00:06:38,555 --> 00:06:40,386 - ask away. Eh. - Got it. 144 00:06:40,524 --> 00:06:41,650 - Okay. - Go, Rhinos! 145 00:06:41,725 --> 00:06:43,158 - Okay. - Yeah! Uh! 146 00:06:43,860 --> 00:06:46,192 (GASPS) Oh, no. 147 00:06:52,302 --> 00:06:53,291 No, Rafi! 148 00:06:53,870 --> 00:06:54,928 - RAFl: Slap-ass! - Rafi, no! 149 00:06:55,005 --> 00:06:57,030 I want to slap-ass! I want to slap it! 150 00:06:57,107 --> 00:06:58,972 - No, you cannot play slap-ass. - Yes, I want to slap it. 151 00:06:59,042 --> 00:07:00,100 You cannot play slap-ass. 152 00:07:00,177 --> 00:07:01,371 You can't keep me from slap-ass. 153 00:07:01,445 --> 00:07:03,174 - You cannot have the slap-ass. - I need to slap it. 154 00:07:03,246 --> 00:07:05,510 - You cannot have the slap-ass! - Yes, yes, I can have it. 155 00:07:05,582 --> 00:07:06,571 No slap-ass. 156 00:07:06,650 --> 00:07:07,742 - No slap-ass. - Yes, slap-ass. 157 00:07:07,818 --> 00:07:08,876 - No slap-ass. - Slap-ass... 158 00:07:08,952 --> 00:07:10,249 No slap-ass. 159 00:07:10,620 --> 00:07:11,609 BOTH: No slap-ass. 160 00:07:11,721 --> 00:07:14,485 - That's what I want to hear. - I am so excited. 161 00:07:15,192 --> 00:07:17,820 - I am so excited. - I know it's a big ass. 162 00:07:17,894 --> 00:07:21,022 - I'm so, so scared. - I know. 163 00:07:21,098 --> 00:07:22,292 I know. 164 00:07:22,966 --> 00:07:23,955 Thank you, Garcia. 165 00:07:25,268 --> 00:07:27,532 It was just too hard to resist. 166 00:07:28,638 --> 00:07:29,696 Okay. 167 00:07:31,274 --> 00:07:32,434 Are you okay? 168 00:07:34,311 --> 00:07:35,972 - I'm okay. - Okay. 169 00:07:38,281 --> 00:07:39,270 Okay. 170 00:07:40,250 --> 00:07:41,308 Hey, guys. 171 00:07:41,384 --> 00:07:44,547 You know maybe after a game victory 172 00:07:44,654 --> 00:07:47,452 we could all go dancing, right? Huh? 173 00:07:47,524 --> 00:07:49,617 Bop, ba-bop, ba-bop, ba-bop, ba-bop, ba-bop. 174 00:07:50,727 --> 00:07:53,594 (IN SLOW MOTION) Ba-bop, ba-bop, ba-bop, ba-bop, 175 00:07:53,897 --> 00:07:56,161 ba-bop, ba-bop, ba-bop, ba-bop, 176 00:07:56,233 --> 00:07:58,531 ba-bop, ba-bop, ba-bop, ba-bop. 177 00:08:01,771 --> 00:08:03,068 (IN SLOW MOTION) No! 178 00:08:10,413 --> 00:08:13,849 (IN SLOW MOTION) Slap-ass! 179 00:08:28,765 --> 00:08:31,427 PEELE: Dude, I just want to say, like, we did it, man. 180 00:08:31,601 --> 00:08:33,125 It's smooth sailing from here. 181 00:08:33,203 --> 00:08:34,693 In Hollywood, me and you... 182 00:08:34,771 --> 00:08:37,069 We're never gonna not work another day in our life. 183 00:08:37,507 --> 00:08:38,633 - It's like... - We're gonna get 184 00:08:38,708 --> 00:08:39,868 every role we ever wanted. 185 00:08:40,177 --> 00:08:42,145 We're never gonna get guff from a director. 186 00:08:42,212 --> 00:08:43,873 We'll give directors guff. 187 00:08:43,980 --> 00:08:45,880 - I'm gonna be the guff master. - I'm gonna, I'm gonna say, 188 00:08:45,949 --> 00:08:47,780 "You're never gonna work in this town again." 189 00:08:47,851 --> 00:08:49,284 - To the director? - To the fucking director. 190 00:08:49,386 --> 00:08:51,718 - Bravo. - "Mr. Nolan." 191 00:08:52,088 --> 00:08:53,419 - Yeah, exactly. - In their face. 192 00:08:53,523 --> 00:08:54,649 - Exactly. - "I'm sorry, 193 00:08:54,724 --> 00:08:57,522 "Ridley bidly bobbly boop Scott, 194 00:08:58,662 --> 00:09:00,596 "You're a fucking ignoramus." 195 00:09:00,730 --> 00:09:03,858 - "Cameron, you motherfucker." - (LAUGHS) 196 00:09:03,934 --> 00:09:06,994 "Why don't you go hang out in the trees 197 00:09:07,070 --> 00:09:08,628 - "with your blue people?" - Yeah. 198 00:09:08,705 --> 00:09:11,003 "I'm sorry, Mr. Spielberg." 199 00:09:11,074 --> 00:09:13,338 - Look, scoop the news. - "You get on set." 200 00:09:13,410 --> 00:09:14,468 (LAUGHS) 201 00:09:17,847 --> 00:09:19,109 REGINALD: You... Let me through. 202 00:09:20,150 --> 00:09:22,914 This is bullshit, Gene. 203 00:09:23,019 --> 00:09:24,486 Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. What's the matter, Rich? 204 00:09:24,554 --> 00:09:25,612 In the next episode 205 00:09:25,689 --> 00:09:29,090 Steve Urkel turns Carl into a giant sandwich 206 00:09:29,159 --> 00:09:30,751 and accidentally eats him? 207 00:09:30,860 --> 00:09:32,589 Ha-ha, but wait, that's hilarious, buddy. 208 00:09:32,696 --> 00:09:33,720 - It's hilarious. - Come on! 209 00:09:33,797 --> 00:09:35,355 I'm an actor, Gene! 210 00:09:35,599 --> 00:09:37,294 This was supposed to be about me and my family. 211 00:09:37,367 --> 00:09:38,356 I know, but you know, after that... 212 00:09:38,435 --> 00:09:40,494 After that first guest spot with Steve Urkel, 213 00:09:40,570 --> 00:09:41,628 I mean, America fell in love with him, man. 214 00:09:41,738 --> 00:09:43,137 We had to make him a regular, and now, you know... 215 00:09:43,206 --> 00:09:45,333 Hey, listen, he's the star of the show now, sweetheart. 216 00:09:45,408 --> 00:09:46,875 We gotta play ball, bubbeleh. 217 00:09:46,943 --> 00:09:49,070 Don't you dare "bubbeleh" me, Gene. 218 00:09:49,546 --> 00:09:52,379 Now, last week, Steve used his transformation machine 219 00:09:52,449 --> 00:09:53,780 to turn Carl into a car 220 00:09:54,084 --> 00:09:56,450 and drive him around the Monaco Grand Prix? 221 00:09:56,519 --> 00:10:00,080 Come on! How many times you gonna use this transformation machine? 222 00:10:00,156 --> 00:10:02,147 This was supposed to be a blue collar Cosby Show. 223 00:10:02,626 --> 00:10:04,787 Now you're turning it into goddamn Quantum Leap. 224 00:10:04,995 --> 00:10:05,984 Who writes this shit? 225 00:10:06,062 --> 00:10:08,053 Okay, I couldn't tell you even if I wanted to, okay, man? 226 00:10:08,131 --> 00:10:09,564 We got, like, 21 writers up there, okay? 227 00:10:09,633 --> 00:10:10,622 Know what I'm saying, Reginald? 228 00:10:10,700 --> 00:10:11,962 But you and I both know that they don't decide 229 00:10:12,068 --> 00:10:13,160 what happens in this show, okay? 230 00:10:13,270 --> 00:10:15,500 We both know who decides what happens in the show. 231 00:10:15,572 --> 00:10:19,235 Two weeks ago, Steve Urkel used his invisibility ray on Carl 232 00:10:19,309 --> 00:10:21,402 and I wasn't even in the goddamn episode. 233 00:10:21,511 --> 00:10:23,103 - It was just my voice. - Yes, I know. 234 00:10:23,179 --> 00:10:24,339 I know, Reginald. I'm sorry. 235 00:10:24,414 --> 00:10:25,779 I fucking apologize. It'll never happen again. 236 00:10:25,849 --> 00:10:28,249 Then Steve used his voice-changing ray to turn Carl 237 00:10:28,318 --> 00:10:30,252 into a high-pitched, nerdy voice. 238 00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:31,685 Who do you think provided the voice for that? 239 00:10:31,755 --> 00:10:33,814 Don't get too feisty on me now, Reg. 240 00:10:33,923 --> 00:10:35,288 Let's not go down that path, okay? 241 00:10:35,358 --> 00:10:37,792 Oh, oh, we are going down that path, Gene. 242 00:10:37,861 --> 00:10:41,729 In a couple of weeks, Harriette, Eddie, Laura, grandma, 243 00:10:41,798 --> 00:10:44,631 Aunt Rachel, Little Richie, and the other little kid 244 00:10:44,701 --> 00:10:46,669 are gonna get teleported to another dimension, 245 00:10:47,003 --> 00:10:49,631 and then Steve injects Carl with his own DNA, 246 00:10:49,706 --> 00:10:51,697 so Carl turns into another Steve Urkel. 247 00:10:51,775 --> 00:10:53,766 That's two Steve Urkels and no family 248 00:10:53,843 --> 00:10:55,276 on a show called Family Matters. 249 00:10:55,345 --> 00:10:56,607 (SHOUTS) How the fuck does that work? 250 00:10:56,680 --> 00:10:57,977 Listen, Reginald. I don't know what to tell you. 251 00:10:58,048 --> 00:10:59,447 Urkel mania is unstoppable, okay? 252 00:10:59,549 --> 00:11:00,675 He's a phenomenon. 253 00:11:00,750 --> 00:11:02,183 There's nothing we can do about it, okay? 254 00:11:02,252 --> 00:11:03,310 It's up to S... 255 00:11:04,554 --> 00:11:07,421 - Him. - No, no, no, no, no! 256 00:11:07,490 --> 00:11:09,617 I'm an actor. I'm a fucking actor. 257 00:11:09,726 --> 00:11:12,593 I am a real actor. I did Richard III. 258 00:11:12,662 --> 00:11:14,596 I was in True West with Sherman Hemsley. 259 00:11:14,664 --> 00:11:16,529 I was in Die Hard, damn it. 260 00:11:16,599 --> 00:11:17,725 Fuck Steve Urkel! 261 00:11:17,801 --> 00:11:19,291 Fuck... You will suck 262 00:11:19,369 --> 00:11:21,132 Steve Urkel's dick if he wants you to! 263 00:11:21,204 --> 00:11:22,967 You will suck his fucking dick, do you understand? 264 00:11:23,039 --> 00:11:25,439 He is our bread and butter, you motherfucker! 265 00:11:25,508 --> 00:11:28,409 - I am high on cocaine! - I'm a fucking actor, Gene! 266 00:11:28,478 --> 00:11:30,969 I done more cocaine than you weigh, motherfucker! 267 00:11:31,047 --> 00:11:33,515 I'm gonna tell you what you are, Reginald Veljohnson. 268 00:11:33,583 --> 00:11:36,984 You're a fucking pawn in that nerd's game. 269 00:11:37,587 --> 00:11:39,578 You are a fucking pawn! 270 00:11:39,956 --> 00:11:42,891 Do you think I have any power over what that monster does? 271 00:11:43,126 --> 00:11:45,526 - Any power at all? - Ahh! 272 00:11:46,363 --> 00:11:49,924 I am the Senior Vice President of Development 273 00:11:49,999 --> 00:11:51,466 for the American Bro... 274 00:11:52,902 --> 00:11:55,496 Gene? Gene? 275 00:11:56,940 --> 00:11:58,464 Gene, what's become of you, Gene? 276 00:12:01,344 --> 00:12:04,006 I am nothing. 277 00:12:06,883 --> 00:12:08,544 Gene, I don't know what you mean by that, Gene, 278 00:12:08,651 --> 00:12:09,709 but you're scaring me. 279 00:12:09,786 --> 00:12:11,481 Oh, no, don't, don't, don't do anything crazy, Gene. 280 00:12:11,554 --> 00:12:13,454 Everyone does too much coke sometimes, 281 00:12:13,523 --> 00:12:15,388 but do they just... What are you gonna do with the gun, Gene? 282 00:12:15,825 --> 00:12:17,816 What are you gonna do? Don't... No, no, no, no, no, no. 283 00:12:18,528 --> 00:12:19,517 We can talk this through. 284 00:12:20,530 --> 00:12:22,896 - Okay? - The King is dead. 285 00:12:24,768 --> 00:12:26,201 Long live the King. 286 00:12:26,469 --> 00:12:27,493 No, no, no, no, no, no! 287 00:12:27,704 --> 00:12:28,728 (REGINALD GASPING) 288 00:12:36,146 --> 00:12:38,080 Did I do that? 289 00:12:45,955 --> 00:12:47,616 - Jaleel. - Jaleel? 290 00:12:48,158 --> 00:12:50,786 There is no Jaleel. Only Steve. 291 00:12:51,995 --> 00:12:53,622 It's always been Steve. 292 00:12:54,364 --> 00:12:57,299 - Yippie ki-yay, motherfucker! - (GUN CLICKING) 293 00:12:59,836 --> 00:13:01,633 Forgetting something, Carl? 294 00:13:02,338 --> 00:13:03,635 Don't you come near me. 295 00:13:03,706 --> 00:13:04,968 Stay away from me, you hear? 296 00:13:05,375 --> 00:13:08,139 Could have all been so simple, Carl. 297 00:13:08,945 --> 00:13:12,938 Just say your lines and take the money. 298 00:13:13,016 --> 00:13:14,074 You're a monster. 299 00:13:18,788 --> 00:13:19,812 What are you doing? 300 00:13:20,223 --> 00:13:22,350 (STAMMERS) I can't control... 301 00:13:22,792 --> 00:13:24,760 Am I doing this? 302 00:13:24,828 --> 00:13:27,023 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 303 00:13:27,096 --> 00:13:28,927 Steve, I'll do anything. 304 00:13:29,098 --> 00:13:32,033 You will do what I want on Family Matters. 305 00:13:33,069 --> 00:13:36,971 Yes, yes. Of course, Steve. 306 00:13:42,345 --> 00:13:43,710 See you on set, Carl. 307 00:13:48,685 --> 00:13:52,644 Get out of my house, Steve! 308 00:14:03,333 --> 00:14:05,426 PEELE: You like your wines. KEY: I do enjoy wines. 309 00:14:05,502 --> 00:14:06,696 - You like your wines. - I do like liquor. 310 00:14:06,769 --> 00:14:08,259 - I like my beers. - It never fails 311 00:14:08,338 --> 00:14:09,669 to see you at a party with the beer situation. 312 00:14:09,739 --> 00:14:11,400 - I like it a lot. - Mmm-hmm. 313 00:14:11,474 --> 00:14:13,374 I like to get, I like to get a little aerations on. 314 00:14:13,476 --> 00:14:15,068 Maybe the sniffles. Get the... 315 00:14:15,778 --> 00:14:17,075 - That's... Wait, wait, wait. - That's a whole lot... 316 00:14:17,180 --> 00:14:18,772 Show me again. What is... How do you drink wine? 317 00:14:18,848 --> 00:14:20,338 You want to aerate it, want to... You want to swirl it 318 00:14:20,416 --> 00:14:21,883 around in the glass. Let the oxygen go in there. 319 00:14:21,951 --> 00:14:23,111 - Let the oxygen in. - And you're gonna give it 320 00:14:23,186 --> 00:14:26,053 a little... Check that bouquet. You can get cherries in there, 321 00:14:26,122 --> 00:14:28,454 - ashtray, gasoline... - Ashtray? 322 00:14:28,525 --> 00:14:30,186 - Strawberries, pears... - I'm sorry, back it up. 323 00:14:30,260 --> 00:14:32,285 - Did you say ashtray? - Ashtray, gasoline. 324 00:14:32,362 --> 00:14:34,421 - Ashtray, gasoline... - Disgusting. 325 00:14:34,497 --> 00:14:35,759 - Wide open ass... - I'm pretty sure... 326 00:14:35,832 --> 00:14:37,060 Sometimes you get those smells in there, 327 00:14:37,133 --> 00:14:38,964 and you're just going, "Mmm." Now that isn't... 328 00:14:39,035 --> 00:14:40,468 That doesn't preclude the taste. 329 00:14:40,537 --> 00:14:42,164 - The taste may be good, still. - But then, dude, that's... 330 00:14:42,238 --> 00:14:43,671 - When you sip it, then you... - Then you sip it. 331 00:14:43,740 --> 00:14:44,729 Then you go... 332 00:14:45,775 --> 00:14:47,333 'Cause you want the air... 333 00:14:47,410 --> 00:14:48,638 I just put the glass down. 334 00:14:48,711 --> 00:14:50,474 Why did you put the glass... But that's not a real glass. 335 00:14:50,547 --> 00:14:51,639 You want to put air... 336 00:14:53,016 --> 00:14:54,415 Suck in air over the wine 337 00:14:54,484 --> 00:14:55,644 while the wine is resting on your tongue. 338 00:14:55,752 --> 00:14:57,879 - But you look like an idiot. - I know, man. 339 00:14:58,254 --> 00:14:59,278 (BOTH LAUGHING) 340 00:15:01,090 --> 00:15:02,114 (EXHALES) 341 00:15:02,191 --> 00:15:03,886 This place is so nice. 342 00:15:04,594 --> 00:15:08,963 This is supposed to be one of the best French places in town. 343 00:15:09,032 --> 00:15:12,661 Mmm, I did not realize that you were so cultured. 344 00:15:13,636 --> 00:15:14,728 You're sweet. 345 00:15:15,572 --> 00:15:18,473 My French is pretty good, 346 00:15:18,541 --> 00:15:20,805 so I can order for both of us. 347 00:15:20,877 --> 00:15:23,141 - Ooh. Well, well, well. - Lf you'd like. 348 00:15:23,746 --> 00:15:24,804 Bonjour. 349 00:15:24,881 --> 00:15:26,508 Welcome to Chez de la Notre Vendre, 350 00:15:26,883 --> 00:15:28,282 I am your waiter for this evening. 351 00:15:28,351 --> 00:15:30,080 My name is Jean-Luc de la Pierre-Renault, 352 00:15:30,153 --> 00:15:31,142 but you may call me Jean. 353 00:15:31,354 --> 00:15:32,719 Bonjour, Jean. 354 00:15:33,122 --> 00:15:34,851 Ooh, look at you. 355 00:15:34,958 --> 00:15:36,516 If you have any questions about anything at all, 356 00:15:36,593 --> 00:15:38,959 I am more than happy to assist you, to assist. 357 00:15:39,028 --> 00:15:41,053 Jean? I got it. 358 00:15:41,731 --> 00:15:44,757 - Merci beaucoup. - Tres bien. 359 00:15:44,867 --> 00:15:48,064 Well, our first special tonight is our Poisson du Jour. 360 00:15:48,137 --> 00:15:50,628 It's a loup de mer plus (SPEAKING FRENCH), 361 00:15:50,707 --> 00:15:53,904 served with a (SPEAKING FRENCH), 362 00:15:53,977 --> 00:15:57,469 that is served on a bed of (SPEAKING FRENCH), 363 00:15:57,547 --> 00:15:59,208 and also served with (SPEAKING FRENCH), 364 00:15:59,282 --> 00:16:01,876 and (SPEAKING FRENCH). 365 00:16:04,554 --> 00:16:06,283 - Mmm. Yum. - Mmm. 366 00:16:06,422 --> 00:16:08,686 Our soup today is a (SPEAKING FRENCH), 367 00:16:08,758 --> 00:16:10,953 with a, just a dash of (SPEAKING FRENCH), 368 00:16:11,027 --> 00:16:13,825 and served with melted (SPEAKING FRENCH). 369 00:16:15,732 --> 00:16:17,290 - Soup. - Yeah. 370 00:16:17,367 --> 00:16:18,664 JEAN: Our other seafood today, 371 00:16:18,735 --> 00:16:22,432 we have a very nice (SPEAKING FRENCH), 372 00:16:22,538 --> 00:16:24,768 from the (SPEAKING FRENCH), valley in (SPEAKING FRENCH), 373 00:16:24,874 --> 00:16:28,833 it is served with a side of (SPEAKING FRENCH), 374 00:16:29,245 --> 00:16:32,681 (SPEAKING FRENCH) sauce. 375 00:16:34,817 --> 00:16:37,513 Man, it's just, I'm a little bit overwhelmed. 376 00:16:37,587 --> 00:16:38,918 (LAUGHS) Yeah, yes. 377 00:16:39,389 --> 00:16:40,947 Oh, God, I'm so glad you said that. 378 00:16:41,090 --> 00:16:42,682 I was about to say the same thing. 379 00:16:42,759 --> 00:16:45,887 So you would recommend getting the (SPEAKING FRENCH) 380 00:16:45,995 --> 00:16:47,326 With the, um... Ooh, I'm sorry, 381 00:16:47,397 --> 00:16:48,762 is the (SPEAKING FRENCH) 382 00:16:48,831 --> 00:16:51,595 - In a heavy (SPEAKING FRENCH) sauce? - JEAN: Oh, no, no, no. 383 00:16:51,668 --> 00:16:54,000 It's more like a (SPEAKING FRENCH) sauce. 384 00:16:54,837 --> 00:16:56,099 What do you think? 385 00:16:56,172 --> 00:16:58,072 I'm gonna defer to him on this one, 386 00:16:58,174 --> 00:17:00,199 because he knows this stuff way better than I do. 387 00:17:00,276 --> 00:17:01,903 Oh, yes. Monsieur? 388 00:17:02,612 --> 00:17:03,601 What? 389 00:17:06,015 --> 00:17:09,473 Um, yeah. We're, we'll have the... 390 00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:13,785 (EXHALES) Swund... Uh, 391 00:17:13,856 --> 00:17:14,948 the... 392 00:17:16,192 --> 00:17:17,181 (NASAL HONKING) 393 00:17:18,161 --> 00:17:19,253 I'm... 394 00:17:19,328 --> 00:17:21,023 Shhnn. 395 00:17:23,766 --> 00:17:24,755 (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) 396 00:17:27,103 --> 00:17:28,764 We'll try the fleur... 397 00:17:32,475 --> 00:17:33,942 (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) 398 00:17:39,849 --> 00:17:41,840 It's been nice knowing you. Have a lovely dinner. 399 00:17:50,993 --> 00:17:52,893 Thank youse for meeting me here. 400 00:17:53,162 --> 00:17:54,459 Of course, you know, 401 00:17:54,530 --> 00:17:56,293 just glad we could set aside our differences 402 00:17:56,365 --> 00:17:58,128 and, you know, avoid a war here. 403 00:17:58,634 --> 00:18:00,329 - Salud. - All right. Salud. 404 00:18:05,975 --> 00:18:07,442 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 405 00:18:07,543 --> 00:18:08,669 Anthony! 406 00:18:09,212 --> 00:18:10,509 Nah, don't do that. 407 00:18:10,580 --> 00:18:13,606 We're trying to avoid a war here. 408 00:18:14,250 --> 00:18:15,444 No, Anthony. 409 00:18:15,885 --> 00:18:16,909 No. 410 00:18:17,487 --> 00:18:19,455 That's too much. What are you doing? 411 00:18:19,522 --> 00:18:21,012 We're just having a nice little dinner here, all right. 412 00:18:22,125 --> 00:18:23,649 Well, that's just disrespectful. 413 00:18:23,726 --> 00:18:25,887 The... Oh, no, not his hair. 414 00:18:25,962 --> 00:18:27,327 Anthony, he had good hair. 415 00:18:27,396 --> 00:18:29,455 Yeah, you're done. You already messed things up. 416 00:18:29,966 --> 00:18:31,399 What is... What's going... What are you doing now? 417 00:18:32,034 --> 00:18:33,262 His phone? No. 418 00:18:33,369 --> 00:18:36,133 Oh, no, don't go deleting his contacts. 419 00:18:36,205 --> 00:18:37,832 He's not going to know whether to answer it or not. 420 00:18:38,274 --> 00:18:40,504 You finished now? That's, that's good. 421 00:18:40,576 --> 00:18:41,838 Look what you did. Now, we were in the middle 422 00:18:41,911 --> 00:18:43,708 of something, and now... What are... 423 00:18:43,780 --> 00:18:45,714 What's going on here? What are you doing? 424 00:18:45,782 --> 00:18:46,942 Oh, that's permanent. 425 00:18:47,150 --> 00:18:49,243 That's a permanent silly mustache. 426 00:18:49,318 --> 00:18:52,310 Ah, now he looks like a sleeping musketeer. 427 00:18:52,388 --> 00:18:54,822 That's adorable, but it's ridiculous. 428 00:18:54,924 --> 00:18:56,585 He can't, he can hardly wash that off. 429 00:18:56,659 --> 00:18:58,684 Well, that's... Where you going? 430 00:18:59,362 --> 00:19:00,522 What is that? Now with the... 431 00:19:00,596 --> 00:19:01,893 What are you doing? 432 00:19:01,964 --> 00:19:02,988 What are you putting in his hand? 433 00:19:03,065 --> 00:19:04,191 That doesn't even make sense here. 434 00:19:04,267 --> 00:19:05,495 That doesn't even make sense. 435 00:19:05,968 --> 00:19:07,868 Oh, oh, Anthony! 436 00:19:08,070 --> 00:19:11,096 Oh, that's hilarious, but save that for a slumber party. 437 00:19:11,174 --> 00:19:12,402 All right, what are you... 438 00:19:12,475 --> 00:19:14,340 Oh, you're rearranging the silverware. 439 00:19:14,477 --> 00:19:16,536 That's just so mean. That's... It's confusing. 440 00:19:16,612 --> 00:19:18,239 It's confusing enough, what with the... 441 00:19:18,314 --> 00:19:20,145 Anthony. Anthony, don't do it. 442 00:19:20,216 --> 00:19:22,480 Oh, well, you know, the salad needed a little pepper, 443 00:19:22,552 --> 00:19:24,577 so that's good. So that's... That's not so bad. 444 00:19:25,021 --> 00:19:26,716 You finally did something constructive. 445 00:19:27,089 --> 00:19:28,852 What are you looking for? What are you... 446 00:19:28,925 --> 00:19:30,051 You're putting the silverware back. 447 00:19:30,159 --> 00:19:31,956 That's good. Well, that's all... That's good. 448 00:19:32,061 --> 00:19:34,154 Now he knows he can go from outside to inside. 449 00:19:34,230 --> 00:19:37,199 That's... Oh, you're putting a little jus in his hair. 450 00:19:37,266 --> 00:19:38,665 That's good, yeah, jus it. 451 00:19:38,734 --> 00:19:39,996 Jus it... Oh, now, well, that... 452 00:19:40,069 --> 00:19:41,661 It actually looks better than when he came in. 453 00:19:41,838 --> 00:19:44,534 If he wasn't unconscious, he could go out on the town, 454 00:19:44,607 --> 00:19:46,199 so that's good. That's good. 455 00:19:46,275 --> 00:19:49,733 Oh, okay, you got, all right, wipe off, wipe off his face. 456 00:19:49,812 --> 00:19:52,144 Yeah, yeah, and get the mustache while you're at it, 457 00:19:52,215 --> 00:19:53,807 'cause that's the most embarrassing part. 458 00:19:53,916 --> 00:19:55,474 Ah, he doesn't look ridiculous anymore. 459 00:19:55,651 --> 00:19:57,448 Oh, okay, yeah, that's, that's... 460 00:19:57,553 --> 00:19:58,850 Now you're helping everybody. 461 00:19:58,955 --> 00:20:00,786 That's good for everybody. Everybody likes that. 462 00:20:00,857 --> 00:20:02,518 Nobody wants lettuce on the floor. 463 00:20:02,592 --> 00:20:04,958 - Spick-and-fucking-span. - All right, we done? 464 00:20:05,328 --> 00:20:07,228 All right, you really turned this around, Anthony. 465 00:20:07,363 --> 00:20:09,388 There he... All right, and then you're gone, then. 466 00:20:09,465 --> 00:20:12,593 All right, all right, he won't even know what hit him. 467 00:20:12,735 --> 00:20:14,100 He won't even know that any... 468 00:20:15,371 --> 00:20:16,360 Oh, no. 469 00:20:17,340 --> 00:20:19,308 No, no, no, no. Anthony. 470 00:20:19,408 --> 00:20:21,205 Anthony, I can see it in your eyes. 471 00:20:21,344 --> 00:20:22,504 I can see it in your eyes. 472 00:20:22,578 --> 00:20:24,341 You're going the other way now, Anthony. 473 00:20:24,413 --> 00:20:26,005 Anthony, it was going so well. 474 00:20:26,115 --> 00:20:27,343 Well that's... That's... 475 00:20:27,416 --> 00:20:29,179 That's perverse, Anthony. I don't even know what that is. 476 00:20:29,252 --> 00:20:30,446 That... What's that? What are you going to do 477 00:20:30,553 --> 00:20:33,044 with that finger? What are doing... Oh! 478 00:20:33,155 --> 00:20:34,520 Yeah, no. Not a wet willy. 479 00:20:34,790 --> 00:20:37,452 No! No, Anthony. 480 00:20:37,760 --> 00:20:39,625 Oh, we're going to war, Anthony. 481 00:20:39,695 --> 00:20:41,185 We're going to war. 482 00:20:41,330 --> 00:20:42,729 We're going to war. 483 00:20:45,067 --> 00:20:46,329 Can you imagine if we had to hunt? 484 00:20:46,569 --> 00:20:47,934 Oh, we'd die. 485 00:20:48,004 --> 00:20:49,801 - We would die. - We would starve to death. 486 00:20:49,939 --> 00:20:51,031 We would, I mean my... 487 00:20:51,107 --> 00:20:53,166 It's not even... No two doubts about it. 488 00:20:53,242 --> 00:20:56,609 These motherfuckers shot rabbits with bows and arrows. 489 00:20:56,679 --> 00:20:58,010 - Mmm-hmm. - Nigga, I can't hit 490 00:20:58,080 --> 00:20:59,945 toilet water with my own pee. 491 00:21:00,349 --> 00:21:02,317 I'm gonna do my one line here 492 00:21:02,385 --> 00:21:03,909 MAN: Oh, yeah. 493 00:21:07,690 --> 00:21:10,181 - It's up to him. - I just read an outline... 494 00:21:10,259 --> 00:21:11,385 Where the fuck did you get it? 495 00:21:11,494 --> 00:21:13,689 Where Carl puts on a Scrooge night gown, 496 00:21:13,796 --> 00:21:16,856 and Urkel mistakes him for a woman and tries to seduce him. 497 00:21:17,033 --> 00:21:18,967 It's not even a Christmas episode, Gene. 498 00:21:19,035 --> 00:21:20,798 Damn it! That's not comedy! 499 00:21:20,870 --> 00:21:22,667 - I don't even know what that is. - Hey! 36919

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