All language subtitles for Key and Peele S04E03 Georgina and Esther and Satan 1080p WEB-DL AAC2 0 H 264-BTN.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,630 --> 00:00:04,824 Excuse me, sir. Do you have a moment 2 00:00:04,897 --> 00:00:06,489 - to save the children? - I'm sorry, man. 3 00:00:06,566 --> 00:00:08,227 I'm, I'm running late, and I just don't have time 4 00:00:08,301 --> 00:00:10,166 - to chat right now, so... - I understand that. 5 00:00:10,236 --> 00:00:13,000 It's just that, every minute, another child dies unnecessarily, 6 00:00:13,072 --> 00:00:16,064 a child who could live a fruitful life with the help ofjust one small donation. 7 00:00:16,142 --> 00:00:17,575 Yeah, I'm... I don't have the time. 8 00:00:17,644 --> 00:00:18,941 - I'm sorry. - I understand that. 9 00:00:19,012 --> 00:00:22,243 It's just, all it takes is $1 to save a child. 10 00:00:22,982 --> 00:00:25,951 (SIGHS) All right. You know what? 11 00:00:26,019 --> 00:00:27,418 Fine, you're right. Yup. 12 00:00:27,487 --> 00:00:30,354 Who doesn't want to help a child? Let's save five children. 13 00:00:30,456 --> 00:00:31,616 Tommy! 14 00:00:43,236 --> 00:00:46,797 All right, come on, come on, come on. One, two, three, four, five. 15 00:00:46,873 --> 00:00:48,465 - Not so fast. Just five. - (KIDS YELLING) 16 00:00:51,077 --> 00:00:52,704 - Thanks a lot, sir. - GIRL: Help! 17 00:00:52,779 --> 00:00:55,043 Help! Help! 18 00:00:55,648 --> 00:00:57,445 (INDISTINCT SHOUTING) 19 00:00:58,885 --> 00:01:00,648 Oh, my God. I have another dollar. 20 00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:02,585 I have another dollar. Sir, I have another dollar. 21 00:01:05,291 --> 00:01:06,883 Crazy crazy 22 00:01:07,293 --> 00:01:09,090 Does is crazy 23 00:01:09,862 --> 00:01:12,057 Make up for adjustment 24 00:01:13,199 --> 00:01:16,134 You jammin' on the verse 25 00:01:17,103 --> 00:01:20,903 First one's planned that you want to do 26 00:01:21,107 --> 00:01:22,631 All I want 27 00:01:23,276 --> 00:01:26,643 But I don't need you 28 00:01:29,382 --> 00:01:31,009 KEY: Like one time, I was in church, 29 00:01:31,084 --> 00:01:33,678 and I was talking to an elderly friend 30 00:01:33,753 --> 00:01:37,814 of my mother's at the time, very classy lady, very decorous. 31 00:01:38,758 --> 00:01:39,918 - And... - Decorous? 32 00:01:39,992 --> 00:01:43,359 Decorous. It means proper, a person who does everything proper. 33 00:01:43,429 --> 00:01:44,919 - Mmm-hmm. I know. - And, um... 34 00:01:46,666 --> 00:01:47,690 I was talking, 35 00:01:48,735 --> 00:01:52,000 and in the middle of a sentence, unbeknownst to me, 36 00:01:52,438 --> 00:01:53,598 I dropped an f-bomb. 37 00:01:54,841 --> 00:01:58,208 In church. In church, after church, before social period, 38 00:01:58,277 --> 00:02:00,745 we about to go get some coffee and donuts up in this boinks. 39 00:02:01,114 --> 00:02:02,206 I'm talking to my girl. 40 00:02:02,281 --> 00:02:03,441 - What'd you say? - She shall remain name... 41 00:02:03,516 --> 00:02:04,881 I don't remember. I don't remember. 42 00:02:04,951 --> 00:02:06,179 - I just remember talking... - You're just like, 43 00:02:06,252 --> 00:02:08,311 "I'm gonna get some fucking, fucking communion." 44 00:02:08,387 --> 00:02:09,718 (LAUGHS) And that's... 45 00:02:20,633 --> 00:02:21,895 (SIGHS) 46 00:02:23,669 --> 00:02:27,605 - Happy Sunday, Esther. - Happy Sunday, Georgina. 47 00:02:28,107 --> 00:02:29,199 How was your week? 48 00:02:29,275 --> 00:02:31,766 - Oh, the Lord is with me. - Mmm-hmm. 49 00:02:31,844 --> 00:02:35,940 But the devil, he got his hands on my grandniece, Grace. 50 00:02:36,015 --> 00:02:37,380 - Oh, no. - Mmm-hmm. 51 00:02:37,483 --> 00:02:41,351 Out there smoking the reefer, doing the hanky-panky with boys. 52 00:02:41,420 --> 00:02:44,321 - No, Georgina. - Oh, Esther, you know 53 00:02:44,390 --> 00:02:47,985 that I love all things that are good and holy. 54 00:02:48,060 --> 00:02:50,858 - Mmm-hmm. - But if he doesn't let go 55 00:02:50,963 --> 00:02:53,955 of my grandniece Grace, 56 00:02:54,066 --> 00:02:56,432 I'm gonna cut the devil's dick off 57 00:02:56,502 --> 00:02:59,767 - and shove it in his ass. - Mmm-hmm. 58 00:03:00,106 --> 00:03:03,337 - With my prayers. - I know you will, Georgina. 59 00:03:03,409 --> 00:03:04,899 I know you will. 60 00:03:05,812 --> 00:03:07,006 How was your week, girl? 61 00:03:07,079 --> 00:03:08,512 Oh, you know me. 62 00:03:08,581 --> 00:03:11,311 I'm blessed and thankful for everything. 63 00:03:11,384 --> 00:03:12,749 Mmm-hmm. All right. 64 00:03:12,819 --> 00:03:16,311 But you know my grandson Jason got hisself wrapped up 65 00:03:16,389 --> 00:03:18,949 in the leathery claws of Satan. 66 00:03:19,225 --> 00:03:21,853 - Not Jason. - He got hisself arrested 67 00:03:21,928 --> 00:03:23,896 for the spray-painting and the vandalism. 68 00:03:23,963 --> 00:03:25,225 Oh, Lord. 69 00:03:25,298 --> 00:03:27,289 And I tell you, I never 70 00:03:27,867 --> 00:03:30,427 raise my hand in anger, 71 00:03:30,503 --> 00:03:33,438 but if he don't let Jason go, 72 00:03:33,506 --> 00:03:37,533 I'm gonna punch that nigga Satan in the nuts so hard, 73 00:03:37,610 --> 00:03:41,706 it wipe the dick-licking smirk off his horned-ass face. 74 00:03:41,781 --> 00:03:42,975 Mmm-hmm. 75 00:03:43,049 --> 00:03:44,482 - With my prayers. - Amen. 76 00:03:44,550 --> 00:03:46,848 I know you will, Esther, I know you will, 77 00:03:46,953 --> 00:03:49,353 but, Esther, I gotta tell you something else, now. 78 00:03:49,422 --> 00:03:51,913 - Mmm, let it out. - You know, Esther, 79 00:03:51,991 --> 00:03:55,449 that I have found serenity in the glory of heaven. 80 00:03:55,528 --> 00:03:58,292 - Yes. - But my daughter's husband 81 00:03:58,364 --> 00:04:00,832 Bernard has got himself wedged 82 00:04:00,900 --> 00:04:03,664 between the cleft hooves of Lucifer hisself. 83 00:04:03,736 --> 00:04:04,998 - Mmm. - She opened up 84 00:04:05,071 --> 00:04:06,766 his laptop computer 85 00:04:06,839 --> 00:04:08,773 and found the pornography of women. 86 00:04:08,841 --> 00:04:10,308 - Not the pornography of women. - Absolutely. 87 00:04:10,376 --> 00:04:13,038 - The pornography of women. - Not on the laptop computer? 88 00:04:13,112 --> 00:04:15,046 On the laptop computer found the pornography of women. 89 00:04:15,114 --> 00:04:18,481 - Mmm. - I am a pacifist under God's request, 90 00:04:18,551 --> 00:04:21,145 but if he don't let go of Bernard, 91 00:04:21,220 --> 00:04:24,587 I'm gonna sneak up on that bitch-ass Lucifer 92 00:04:24,857 --> 00:04:27,417 right in the midst of his sleep time. 93 00:04:27,493 --> 00:04:28,585 - Oh. - And then I'm gonna sit 94 00:04:28,661 --> 00:04:30,492 on that motherfucker's head, 95 00:04:30,563 --> 00:04:33,760 and I'm gonna spread my booty cheeks on that pig's face, 96 00:04:33,833 --> 00:04:36,324 and I'm gonna just pucker up my stank hole... 97 00:04:36,402 --> 00:04:37,426 - Whoo. - And just... 98 00:04:37,503 --> 00:04:39,061 (VOCALIZES) 99 00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:45,700 Until that nigga got a brown dot on his nose that I can use for target practice. 100 00:04:45,778 --> 00:04:46,938 (IMITATES GUN NOISES) 101 00:04:47,013 --> 00:04:48,002 Shoot that. 102 00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:49,342 Shoot that! 103 00:04:49,415 --> 00:04:52,213 Whoo, shoot that nigga in the shit-nack. 104 00:04:52,285 --> 00:04:53,377 With my prayers. 105 00:04:53,486 --> 00:04:55,420 With your prayers, of course, of course. 106 00:04:55,488 --> 00:04:58,184 Oh, Georgina, Georgina, Georgina. 107 00:04:58,257 --> 00:05:00,657 - Yup, yup, yup, yup, yup? - Oh, I got nothing but faith 108 00:05:00,726 --> 00:05:02,887 in God and heaven above, 109 00:05:02,962 --> 00:05:05,487 but I tell you, my son's wife Crystal, 110 00:05:05,564 --> 00:05:08,727 she got herself wrapped up in the fiery wings 111 00:05:08,834 --> 00:05:11,132 - of Mephistopheles hisself. - Here we go. 112 00:05:11,203 --> 00:05:15,469 You know, she got caught using profanity with her own children. 113 00:05:15,708 --> 00:05:17,403 - What? - At the dinner table. 114 00:05:17,476 --> 00:05:19,910 Oh, Lord, child, child. 115 00:05:19,979 --> 00:05:22,777 Georgina Darlene Martin! 116 00:05:23,082 --> 00:05:28,486 Oh, I have nothing but love for every creature on this planet, 117 00:05:28,554 --> 00:05:31,990 but if he don't let my darling Crystal go, 118 00:05:32,091 --> 00:05:34,559 - I'm gonna flirt with the devil. - Oh. Oh. 119 00:05:34,894 --> 00:05:36,521 Show him a little bit of shoulder. 120 00:05:36,595 --> 00:05:37,721 "How you doin'?" 121 00:05:37,797 --> 00:05:40,095 He gonna start looking away, I'm gonna start twerking. 122 00:05:40,166 --> 00:05:41,758 Start twerking, he gonna be like, "Whoo." 123 00:05:41,834 --> 00:05:44,268 - He gonna be drawn in. - Mmm-hmm. 124 00:05:44,337 --> 00:05:45,634 Seduce that little motherfucker. 125 00:05:45,705 --> 00:05:47,366 Give him one of these. "Hi." 126 00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:49,032 Batting my eyelashes at him. 127 00:05:49,108 --> 00:05:50,632 Then when he least expects it, 128 00:05:50,710 --> 00:05:54,407 and I got his trust, that's when I'm gonna ride that nigga. 129 00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:56,641 I'm gonna give him the night of his life, 130 00:05:56,716 --> 00:05:58,513 a night he ain't never gonna forget. 131 00:05:58,584 --> 00:05:59,983 - Go get him. - I'm gonna give him this way. 132 00:06:00,052 --> 00:06:01,451 I'm gonna give him that way. 133 00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:03,988 And then, right when he about to climax, 134 00:06:04,056 --> 00:06:06,786 that's when I'm gonna clench up my pussy 135 00:06:06,859 --> 00:06:09,157 on that motherfucker's red dick, 136 00:06:09,228 --> 00:06:14,165 and I'm gonna snap that nigga cock off with a divine kegel. 137 00:06:14,233 --> 00:06:16,428 Well, you gonna snap that nigga dick off. 138 00:06:16,502 --> 00:06:18,766 - Whoo! - Snap it off! Whoo! 139 00:06:18,871 --> 00:06:19,860 - With my prayers. - With your prayers. 140 00:06:19,939 --> 00:06:20,928 - With your prayers. - With my prayers. 141 00:06:21,007 --> 00:06:22,167 Of course. With the prayers, yeah. 142 00:06:22,241 --> 00:06:23,674 - But that's right, girl. - Yes. 143 00:06:23,743 --> 00:06:25,176 - You go get him, Esther! - Yes! 144 00:06:25,244 --> 00:06:26,472 - Fuck Satan! - Fuck him! 145 00:06:26,545 --> 00:06:28,274 Fuck him in the... 146 00:06:33,919 --> 00:06:36,683 Wha... what's happening, Georgina? 147 00:06:37,556 --> 00:06:39,353 (DEEP VOICE) Georgina isn't here anymore. 148 00:06:39,425 --> 00:06:41,620 (MANIACAL LAUGH) 149 00:06:42,161 --> 00:06:44,994 It is I, Satan. 150 00:06:45,064 --> 00:06:46,053 Ah! 151 00:06:46,132 --> 00:06:48,225 (BLOWS LANDING) 152 00:06:49,468 --> 00:06:50,628 (NORMAL VOICE) Ah! No, Esther! 153 00:06:50,703 --> 00:06:51,692 - I'm in here, though! - Oh! 154 00:06:51,771 --> 00:06:52,999 I'm kicking this nigga's ass. 155 00:06:53,072 --> 00:06:54,664 - Yeah! - (BLOWS LANDING) 156 00:06:54,940 --> 00:06:56,771 (DEEP VOICE) Oh, help me. Somebody help me. 157 00:06:56,842 --> 00:06:58,104 I can't get out of this bitch. 158 00:06:58,177 --> 00:07:00,475 - (YELLING) - Oh, get him, Georgina! Get him! 159 00:07:00,546 --> 00:07:03,014 (NORMAL VOICE) I stuck a safety pin in this nigga's urethra. 160 00:07:03,082 --> 00:07:04,777 - Ooh! - (DEEP VOICE) Ow! 161 00:07:04,850 --> 00:07:07,045 Fuck! That hurts! 162 00:07:07,119 --> 00:07:09,587 (NORMAL VOICE) Right now, I got his dick in my hands like a old rag. 163 00:07:09,655 --> 00:07:13,022 - I'm wringing out! I'm wringing it out! - (YELLING) 164 00:07:13,092 --> 00:07:14,559 Oh, give me some of that. 165 00:07:14,794 --> 00:07:16,455 I want a piece of him, yes. 166 00:07:16,529 --> 00:07:17,553 Tag me in. 167 00:07:19,765 --> 00:07:20,993 (GROANS) 168 00:07:22,701 --> 00:07:23,895 (GASPS) 169 00:07:25,171 --> 00:07:26,638 (DEEP VOICE) Who is this crazy bitch, now? 170 00:07:26,705 --> 00:07:28,502 (NORMAL VOICE) Ah, it's me, motherfucker! 171 00:07:28,574 --> 00:07:29,871 Your worst nightmare, bitch! 172 00:07:29,942 --> 00:07:30,966 (LAUGHS) 173 00:07:31,043 --> 00:07:32,032 - Shoot that motherfucker! - That's right. 174 00:07:32,111 --> 00:07:33,669 I'm on top of you. I'm gon' grab 'em. 175 00:07:33,879 --> 00:07:35,176 (DEEP VOICE) What's going on? 176 00:07:35,247 --> 00:07:37,272 This feels good. Why would you do this to me? 177 00:07:37,349 --> 00:07:38,873 (NORMAL VOICE) Oh, you'll see in a second, motherfucker. 178 00:07:38,951 --> 00:07:40,213 Yeah, just wait, motherfucker. 179 00:07:40,286 --> 00:07:42,811 (DEEP VOICE) Oh, I'm waiting, but oh, here I cum. Here I cum. 180 00:07:42,888 --> 00:07:44,583 (NORMAL VOICE) Here you go, ha! Grabbed it! 181 00:07:45,057 --> 00:07:46,046 Snap! 182 00:07:46,125 --> 00:07:47,990 - Ooh! - Ooh, I got him good. 183 00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:50,692 (DEEP VOICE) I'll do anything you say. I'll do anything you say. 184 00:07:50,763 --> 00:07:52,287 GEORGINA: Too late now. Too late now, Satan. 185 00:07:52,364 --> 00:07:54,491 Oh, shh. We should probably go. 186 00:07:54,567 --> 00:07:55,693 (NORMAL VOICE) Oh, yeah, let's go, let's go. 187 00:07:55,768 --> 00:07:56,860 We don't want to disturb the service. 188 00:07:56,936 --> 00:07:58,028 Ooh, I got a hold of him. 189 00:07:58,104 --> 00:08:00,095 I'm gonna... We gonna go medieval on his ass. 190 00:08:00,172 --> 00:08:03,835 (DEEP VOICE) No, no! Oh, Lordy! I can't take it. I can't take it. 191 00:08:03,909 --> 00:08:05,137 (NORMAL VOICE) Get over here, mister. 192 00:08:05,211 --> 00:08:06,405 (DEEP VOICE) Please, please! 193 00:08:06,479 --> 00:08:08,037 Get these crazy bitches off of me. 194 00:08:10,182 --> 00:08:12,446 Jesus Christ is my personal Lord and savior, I swear. 195 00:08:12,518 --> 00:08:14,213 You're too late for that now. 196 00:08:23,929 --> 00:08:26,727 "Been trying to reach out to you all day. 197 00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:29,363 "Are we on for tonight?" 198 00:08:31,170 --> 00:08:32,899 (SIGHS) Jeez. 199 00:08:33,038 --> 00:08:35,598 What? You can't catch me. You can't catch me. 200 00:08:35,674 --> 00:08:38,700 I'm Lance Moore. Touchdown, bitch. What? Pause. 201 00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:42,570 (PHONE CHIMES) 202 00:08:46,218 --> 00:08:47,810 Oh, shoot. 203 00:08:48,387 --> 00:08:50,378 Keegan's been texting me. 204 00:08:52,124 --> 00:08:54,592 "Sorry, dude, missed your texts. 205 00:08:55,194 --> 00:08:57,526 "I assumed we'd meet at the bar. 206 00:08:58,097 --> 00:09:00,088 "Whatever. I don't care." 207 00:09:02,134 --> 00:09:03,294 (PHONE CHIMES) 208 00:09:07,406 --> 00:09:09,431 "Sorry, dude, missed your texts. 209 00:09:09,508 --> 00:09:11,703 "I assumed we'd meet at the bar. 210 00:09:11,911 --> 00:09:13,902 "Whatever. I don't care." 211 00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:16,711 "Whatever. I don't care?" 212 00:09:18,384 --> 00:09:20,352 The fuck is his problem? 213 00:09:21,353 --> 00:09:24,447 "Do you even want to hang out?" 214 00:09:24,557 --> 00:09:25,922 "Do you even want to hang out?" 215 00:09:25,991 --> 00:09:27,891 Oh, that's considerate. 216 00:09:30,162 --> 00:09:31,993 "Like I said, whatever." 217 00:09:32,064 --> 00:09:34,032 "Like I said, whatever?" 218 00:09:34,099 --> 00:09:35,589 Fuck this guy. 219 00:09:36,135 --> 00:09:37,363 Jesus, "You..." 220 00:09:37,436 --> 00:09:39,063 "...are fucking priceless." 221 00:09:39,471 --> 00:09:41,564 Aw! 222 00:09:41,907 --> 00:09:42,896 "You're the..." 223 00:09:42,975 --> 00:09:45,375 "...one who's fucking priceless?" 224 00:09:46,078 --> 00:09:47,272 This... 225 00:09:47,947 --> 00:09:50,142 This motherfucker right here. 226 00:09:50,716 --> 00:09:52,411 Oh, he wants to... Okay, mmm-hmm. 227 00:09:52,952 --> 00:09:54,442 Mmm-hmm. Okay. 228 00:09:55,554 --> 00:09:56,543 "You want to go..." 229 00:09:56,622 --> 00:09:58,317 "...right now?" Hmm. 230 00:09:59,658 --> 00:10:01,091 Guess I could do that. 231 00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:02,286 (CLEARS THROAT) 232 00:10:02,361 --> 00:10:03,487 "Okay..." 233 00:10:03,562 --> 00:10:04,961 "...okay, let's go?" 234 00:10:05,030 --> 00:10:07,726 He said..."Okay, let's go?" 235 00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:09,097 All right, you know what? 236 00:10:09,168 --> 00:10:10,760 You know what? "You want to really..." 237 00:10:10,836 --> 00:10:14,101 "...do this now?" Keegan, you nut. 238 00:10:14,573 --> 00:10:16,165 You're not putting me out. 239 00:10:16,408 --> 00:10:17,898 "Fuck yeah, let's do it?" 240 00:10:17,977 --> 00:10:19,911 Oh, you fucking asshole! 241 00:10:20,079 --> 00:10:21,569 "First round's mine." 242 00:10:21,647 --> 00:10:24,639 Oh, no! Oh, no! There ain't gonna be no rounds, asshole! 243 00:10:24,717 --> 00:10:27,242 It's gonna be a fucking street fight! This son of a... 244 00:10:27,553 --> 00:10:30,454 (SINGING) 'Cause tonight we gonna party and the party don't stop 245 00:10:30,522 --> 00:10:32,786 - You! - Buddy! 246 00:10:32,858 --> 00:10:34,758 Like I said, first round's mine. 247 00:10:34,827 --> 00:10:37,694 A beer and a gimlet for my partner right... 248 00:10:39,031 --> 00:10:40,020 What's that? 249 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:44,492 Uh, I got you a baseball bat with nails in it. 250 00:10:47,072 --> 00:10:49,438 For my post-apocalyptic Jackie Robinson costume. 251 00:10:49,508 --> 00:10:51,135 How did you know? 252 00:10:53,479 --> 00:10:55,071 PEELE: I'm gonna try to freestyle for a second. 253 00:10:55,147 --> 00:10:56,944 KEY: Yup, yup. PEELE: Off the top of the dome. 254 00:10:57,016 --> 00:10:58,483 Off the top of the dome. Break it down. 255 00:10:58,550 --> 00:10:59,642 (BEATBOXING) 256 00:10:59,718 --> 00:11:01,276 (RAPPING) Witness violence every day 257 00:11:02,021 --> 00:11:03,511 Wake up in the morning 258 00:11:04,823 --> 00:11:06,984 Bullets flying by my head 259 00:11:07,092 --> 00:11:08,821 Without any warning 260 00:11:09,461 --> 00:11:13,454 I live in the pressure cooker the most urbanest of jungles 261 00:11:16,635 --> 00:11:17,863 Mr. Bungle 262 00:11:19,605 --> 00:11:21,436 I can't really get Mr. Bungle. 263 00:11:21,507 --> 00:11:22,872 - Let's just stop. - You want to stop? 264 00:11:22,941 --> 00:11:23,930 (CLEARS THROAT) 265 00:11:24,009 --> 00:11:25,909 I shouldn't be saying Mr. Bungle in that. 266 00:11:29,048 --> 00:11:30,572 (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING) 267 00:11:42,961 --> 00:11:46,397 DJ: It's Friday night. Make some noise! 268 00:11:46,498 --> 00:11:47,931 (CROWD CHEERS) 269 00:11:49,134 --> 00:11:51,694 DJ: Put your motherfucking hands in the air. 270 00:11:52,271 --> 00:11:54,432 Aw, yeah! Put 'em up. 271 00:11:54,973 --> 00:11:58,170 If you cool like a pimp, put your hands up. 272 00:11:58,243 --> 00:12:01,371 If you cool like a pimp, put your hands up. 273 00:12:01,513 --> 00:12:04,482 'Cause you're an actual pimp, put your hands up. 274 00:12:04,850 --> 00:12:08,013 If you own a bunch of women, put your hands up. 275 00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:18,091 If you gonna hit it all night, put your hands up. 276 00:12:18,163 --> 00:12:20,188 If you gonna hit it all night, put your hands up. 277 00:12:20,265 --> 00:12:21,254 Yeah, all right. 278 00:12:21,367 --> 00:12:25,997 DJ: If you maintain an erection for 12 hours, put your hands up. 279 00:12:26,905 --> 00:12:27,894 Whoo! 280 00:12:28,107 --> 00:12:32,100 DJ: Without the benefit of viagra, put your hands up. 281 00:12:37,683 --> 00:12:40,117 If you a real-life player, put your hands up. 282 00:12:40,219 --> 00:12:41,208 What? Yeah. 283 00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:44,153 DJ: If you abuse women's trust, put your hands up. 284 00:12:44,223 --> 00:12:47,522 If you treat them like objects, put your hands up. 285 00:12:53,832 --> 00:12:57,290 If you a real-life gangster, put your hands up. 286 00:12:57,369 --> 00:13:00,805 If you a real-life gangster, put your hands up. 287 00:13:00,873 --> 00:13:04,274 If you kill other people, put your hands up. 288 00:13:07,312 --> 00:13:10,577 If you the biggest boss here, put your hands up. 289 00:13:13,685 --> 00:13:17,143 If you run an actual drug ring, put your hands up. 290 00:13:17,222 --> 00:13:18,280 (CROWD GROANS) 291 00:13:20,559 --> 00:13:23,426 If you just realized that you're full of shit, 292 00:13:23,495 --> 00:13:24,860 put your hands up. 293 00:13:24,930 --> 00:13:26,420 (CROWD CHEERS) 294 00:13:32,504 --> 00:13:34,495 PEELE: All right. Third time's the charm. 295 00:13:34,573 --> 00:13:35,904 - (KEY BEATBOXING) - (PEELE CLEARS THROAT) 296 00:13:37,976 --> 00:13:41,810 (RAPPING) All of my life, I've crushed dreams and crushed bitches 297 00:13:43,215 --> 00:13:47,618 No one ever has come to me without leaving in stitches 298 00:13:48,287 --> 00:13:49,777 I'm a monster 299 00:13:50,889 --> 00:13:52,322 I grant wishes 300 00:13:53,559 --> 00:13:56,653 Like a genie, I dream of Jeannie 301 00:13:56,762 --> 00:13:57,990 I'm a meanie 302 00:13:58,730 --> 00:14:00,197 Why does it always just go... 303 00:14:00,265 --> 00:14:01,459 I don't know, you keep getting... 304 00:14:01,533 --> 00:14:03,899 You, you're doing really well, and then you get in this TV reference. 305 00:14:03,969 --> 00:14:06,403 - Yeah, that's what's doing me. - And it's, it's the tough part. 306 00:14:13,045 --> 00:14:16,310 Welcome to Papard Mattress Liquidators. How can I help you today? 307 00:14:16,381 --> 00:14:17,871 I need to buy a new bed. 308 00:14:17,950 --> 00:14:19,076 Okay. Yeah, good, good. 309 00:14:19,151 --> 00:14:21,745 You came to the right place. I'd be more than happy to help you with that. 310 00:14:21,820 --> 00:14:24,380 Uh, what size you need? A full, queen, king? 311 00:14:24,456 --> 00:14:25,718 - Queen. - Queen, oh. 312 00:14:25,791 --> 00:14:28,191 - We got a big... - And just so you know, 313 00:14:28,927 --> 00:14:31,293 - it needs to be sturdy. - All right. 314 00:14:31,563 --> 00:14:34,088 Shit gets kind of crazy in my room. 315 00:14:34,666 --> 00:14:36,293 Oh, okay. 316 00:14:36,368 --> 00:14:38,632 (LAUGHS) I got you, brother. 317 00:14:38,704 --> 00:14:39,693 I got you. 318 00:14:43,575 --> 00:14:46,669 Well, this posturepedic mattress we got right here, 319 00:14:46,745 --> 00:14:48,508 this is extremely comfortable 320 00:14:48,580 --> 00:14:50,377 and, uh, durable. 321 00:14:51,283 --> 00:14:52,511 Do you mind if I try it? 322 00:14:52,584 --> 00:14:54,108 No, not at all. Go ahead. 323 00:14:58,757 --> 00:15:01,851 I should also mention, there's 100% money-back guarantee on... 324 00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:04,724 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! Who got that good D? 325 00:15:04,830 --> 00:15:07,162 I got that good D! Yeah! Yeah! 326 00:15:09,801 --> 00:15:11,268 No, it's too hard. 327 00:15:12,070 --> 00:15:14,163 Do you have anything softer? 328 00:15:14,773 --> 00:15:15,967 Um... 329 00:15:16,608 --> 00:15:17,939 Of course. 330 00:15:21,580 --> 00:15:25,710 This, this is one of our, um, natural latex mattresses. 331 00:15:26,451 --> 00:15:30,751 It's on sale, too, today, at $1,200. 332 00:15:30,956 --> 00:15:31,945 Can I try it? 333 00:15:33,725 --> 00:15:34,714 Sure. 334 00:15:38,363 --> 00:15:40,729 Who got that good D? I got that good D! 335 00:15:40,799 --> 00:15:42,266 (GRUNTING) 336 00:15:42,367 --> 00:15:44,528 Who got that good D? I got that good D! 337 00:15:44,603 --> 00:15:45,592 (GRUNTS) 338 00:15:46,071 --> 00:15:47,868 It seems a little pricey. 339 00:15:47,940 --> 00:15:50,602 SALESMAN: Okay. No, it's a little pricey. I ain't gonna lie to you. 340 00:15:50,676 --> 00:15:53,201 But, uh, no problem. We got other choices. 341 00:15:54,713 --> 00:15:55,805 Um... 342 00:15:56,114 --> 00:15:59,208 This a great memory foam mattress, right here. 343 00:15:59,284 --> 00:16:02,447 - It's a little cheaper, and... - Can I try it out? 344 00:16:03,221 --> 00:16:06,884 Right. Right, yeah. I mean, of course, of course you want to try. 345 00:16:07,326 --> 00:16:09,624 - You know how it goes. - Yeah. Oh, yeah. 346 00:16:09,695 --> 00:16:11,492 Coming up on them late nights. 347 00:16:11,563 --> 00:16:13,622 Aye! Aye! Boom, boom, boom, boom! 348 00:16:13,966 --> 00:16:16,594 "Yes! Sي, Papi! Sي, Papi! Sي, Papi!" 349 00:16:17,302 --> 00:16:18,633 Yeah, man, right. 350 00:16:18,704 --> 00:16:19,898 (LAUGHS) 351 00:16:20,305 --> 00:16:21,897 Yeah, man. Um... 352 00:16:22,574 --> 00:16:23,563 Sex happens. 353 00:16:26,845 --> 00:16:29,780 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! Who got that good D? I got that good D! 354 00:16:29,848 --> 00:16:31,213 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! 355 00:16:31,283 --> 00:16:33,183 Who got that good D? I got that good D! 356 00:16:33,251 --> 00:16:34,912 Oh! Oh, here it comes! 357 00:16:34,987 --> 00:16:36,386 Here it comes! 358 00:16:36,455 --> 00:16:38,787 Here it comes! 359 00:16:39,057 --> 00:16:40,251 (GRUNTS) 360 00:16:42,060 --> 00:16:43,391 Yup, that's the one. 361 00:16:43,662 --> 00:16:46,028 - I'll take it. - Okay, let me ring you up. 362 00:16:47,666 --> 00:16:49,964 - (GRUNTING) - WOMAN: Aye! Aye! Aye! 363 00:16:50,035 --> 00:16:52,230 MAN: Who got that good D? I got that good D! 364 00:16:52,304 --> 00:16:53,464 - (GRUNTING) - WOMAN: Aye, Papi! 365 00:16:53,538 --> 00:16:54,937 MAN: Who got that good D? I got that good D! 366 00:16:55,007 --> 00:16:56,167 - (GLASS BREAKS) - WOMAN: Sي, Papi! 367 00:16:56,241 --> 00:16:58,232 - (GRUNTING) - WOMAN: Aye! Aye! Aye! Aye! 368 00:16:58,310 --> 00:17:01,336 MAN: Who got that good D? I got that good D! 369 00:17:05,817 --> 00:17:07,444 BRODY: Thank you. 370 00:17:13,025 --> 00:17:14,014 - Mike. - Brody. 371 00:17:14,092 --> 00:17:15,389 Yeah. Hey, how are you, man? 372 00:17:15,460 --> 00:17:16,552 - What's up, man? - Good to see you. 373 00:17:16,628 --> 00:17:18,118 Hey, I'm glad I ran into you. 374 00:17:18,196 --> 00:17:20,460 What is that joke that you told recently at the office? 375 00:17:20,532 --> 00:17:22,557 Everybody is just, like, giggling about it all the time, 376 00:17:22,634 --> 00:17:23,965 and I haven't heard it yet. 377 00:17:24,036 --> 00:17:25,060 Oh, gosh. 378 00:17:25,137 --> 00:17:26,434 Okay. Um... 379 00:17:26,505 --> 00:17:27,870 - All right, it goes like this. - Yeah. 380 00:17:27,939 --> 00:17:29,236 So, there's this woman, and... 381 00:17:29,307 --> 00:17:30,638 (LAUGHS) 382 00:17:34,046 --> 00:17:36,537 - Okay. Good audience. - (CHUCKLES) I'm sorry! 383 00:17:36,615 --> 00:17:39,015 Yeah, I'm sorry. I love it already. 384 00:17:39,117 --> 00:17:41,176 (LAUGHING) I love it already. 385 00:17:41,253 --> 00:17:42,550 Awesome. Okay. 386 00:17:42,621 --> 00:17:45,215 Well, this should go well. Um... 387 00:17:45,357 --> 00:17:49,350 So there's, there's a woman, and she goes to her doctor. 388 00:17:49,428 --> 00:17:53,091 She goes to her doctor! It's already funny. 389 00:17:53,165 --> 00:17:54,723 (LAUGHING) It's already funny. 390 00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:56,563 No, I haven't even gotten to the setup yet. 391 00:17:56,635 --> 00:17:58,034 (LAUGHING) 392 00:17:59,838 --> 00:18:02,602 So, she goes to her doctor, and she, um, 393 00:18:02,741 --> 00:18:04,902 she says to her doctor, "Kiss me." 394 00:18:04,976 --> 00:18:06,500 (LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY) 395 00:18:06,578 --> 00:18:07,772 No, that's not it. 396 00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:10,878 That's not it. That, that's not the punch line. 397 00:18:10,949 --> 00:18:12,348 (LAUGHING) 398 00:18:13,185 --> 00:18:16,052 You got to stop, man, you're killing me over here. 399 00:18:16,121 --> 00:18:17,486 Oh, you... 400 00:18:17,656 --> 00:18:19,988 I don't know if you think the joke is over, but it's not. 401 00:18:20,058 --> 00:18:21,252 It's actually just starting. 402 00:18:21,326 --> 00:18:23,260 (LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY) 403 00:18:25,630 --> 00:18:27,621 Okay. So I'm gonna... I'm just gonna speed up. 404 00:18:27,699 --> 00:18:29,326 So she says to her doctor, "Kiss me," 405 00:18:29,401 --> 00:18:30,925 and he says, "I can't. It would be unprofessional." 406 00:18:31,069 --> 00:18:33,902 - (LAUGHING) - No. No, not even close. 407 00:18:34,573 --> 00:18:37,406 She says, he says, "That would be unprofessional," 408 00:18:37,943 --> 00:18:40,377 and then she says, she keeps asking him, 409 00:18:40,445 --> 00:18:41,742 and he says, "No, no, no." 410 00:18:41,813 --> 00:18:43,246 Happens three times like that. 411 00:18:44,282 --> 00:18:45,943 Finally, at the end, she says, 412 00:18:46,985 --> 00:18:49,078 "Kiss me," and he says, 413 00:18:49,154 --> 00:18:51,782 "I shouldn't even be having sex with you right now." 414 00:18:55,894 --> 00:18:56,883 Then what happens? 415 00:19:00,532 --> 00:19:03,592 (STAMMERS) I don't, I don't know. Then, I guess she... 416 00:19:04,136 --> 00:19:05,603 She probably sued him for malpractice? 417 00:19:05,670 --> 00:19:07,001 (LAUGHS) 418 00:19:09,708 --> 00:19:11,903 Sued him for malpractice. 419 00:19:13,011 --> 00:19:14,740 (HYSTERICAL GIBBERISH) 420 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:18,078 So you know that wasn't, that wasn't the punch line? 421 00:19:18,216 --> 00:19:19,478 That wasn't the punch line? 422 00:19:19,551 --> 00:19:21,246 - No. The punch... - There's more? 423 00:19:21,319 --> 00:19:23,048 - (LAUGHING) - No, there's not. 424 00:19:23,121 --> 00:19:24,110 There's not more. 425 00:19:24,189 --> 00:19:26,248 There's more to the joke? 426 00:19:26,324 --> 00:19:28,349 No, there, there's actually less. 427 00:19:28,794 --> 00:19:30,989 Well, that's it! You turned it around! 428 00:19:32,898 --> 00:19:34,729 - No, there's... - You turned it around! 429 00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:36,290 - The joke... - He said less! 430 00:19:37,235 --> 00:19:38,998 - The joke was... - There can't be less. 431 00:19:39,070 --> 00:19:41,800 The punch line was the only part that you didn't laugh at. 432 00:19:47,546 --> 00:19:50,982 (LAUGHS) What the fuck? 433 00:19:51,049 --> 00:19:52,448 - You got me! - You got me. 434 00:19:52,517 --> 00:19:54,678 You were doing a joke the whole time! 435 00:19:55,020 --> 00:19:57,545 You were doing a weird character the whole time. 436 00:19:57,622 --> 00:19:59,522 Oh, my God, yes. Yes. 437 00:19:59,591 --> 00:20:02,025 I love the malpractice stuff. 438 00:20:02,327 --> 00:20:05,319 The malpractice punch line is hilarious. 439 00:20:05,397 --> 00:20:07,058 So you weren't doing a character? 440 00:20:07,465 --> 00:20:09,399 - What character, what character? - Okay. 441 00:20:09,467 --> 00:20:11,094 This is some crazy shit. 442 00:20:13,939 --> 00:20:16,601 PEELE: Hey, yo, did you ever hear my theory about flying, though? 443 00:20:16,675 --> 00:20:17,835 Mmm-mmm. 444 00:20:17,909 --> 00:20:21,709 The reason you have to jerk off before you fly... 445 00:20:21,780 --> 00:20:22,906 Who does? What? 446 00:20:24,583 --> 00:20:26,380 Everybody jerks off before they fly. 447 00:20:28,119 --> 00:20:29,814 I think you need to look up the word "Everybody." 448 00:20:29,888 --> 00:20:31,515 Well, look. Okay. 449 00:20:31,756 --> 00:20:33,917 Maybe 450 00:20:34,559 --> 00:20:38,655 you're an exception to the rule, but I'm fairly certain that everybody else 451 00:20:39,097 --> 00:20:42,157 gets massive boners or whatever and jerks off... 452 00:20:42,234 --> 00:20:45,032 I'm sorry. Gets massive boners before they get on the plane? 453 00:20:45,103 --> 00:20:46,468 Yeah, I think there's a physiological reason. 454 00:20:46,538 --> 00:20:49,905 You're about to fly. You might die. Your body knows you might die. 455 00:20:49,975 --> 00:20:53,411 It's like going off to war. You need to get that sperm out. 456 00:20:54,546 --> 00:20:55,672 Propagate the species. 457 00:20:55,747 --> 00:20:57,214 Just like right before this trip. 458 00:21:00,485 --> 00:21:02,419 (SINGING) I'm gonna do my one line here 459 00:21:02,487 --> 00:21:03,977 MAN: Oh, yeah. 460 00:21:08,059 --> 00:21:10,823 Comfort of the fiery wings... 461 00:21:12,564 --> 00:21:14,156 Mephistopheles. 462 00:21:14,299 --> 00:21:15,789 (ALL LAUGHING) 34583

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