All language subtitles for Key & Peele S03E09 Tackle & Grapple 1080p WEB-DL AAC2 0 H 264-BTN.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,132 --> 00:00:04,207 Hoo! Great hike today, buddy. 2 00:00:04,242 --> 00:00:06,111 I was coming up that last hill, 3 00:00:06,145 --> 00:00:08,416 And I turned around and you were nowhere to be found. 4 00:00:08,450 --> 00:00:09,722 Mm-hmm. 5 00:00:09,756 --> 00:00:10,893 Thought I was gonna have to go back and get you. 6 00:00:10,927 --> 00:00:13,930 Uh, at least we made it. 7 00:00:16,033 --> 00:00:20,203 Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you, I talk in my sleep. 8 00:00:20,237 --> 00:00:22,374 - Oh. - Yeah, quite a bit, actually, 9 00:00:22,408 --> 00:00:25,946 So if it bothers you, just wake me up. 10 00:00:25,981 --> 00:00:28,182 - Okay, buddy. - Cool. 11 00:00:28,216 --> 00:00:31,218 - Good night. - Good night. 12 00:00:35,394 --> 00:00:38,664 Dick head. 13 00:00:38,699 --> 00:00:42,536 You stupid dick head. 14 00:00:42,570 --> 00:00:45,940 "Hey, Jordan, oh, let's go camping, come on. 15 00:00:45,974 --> 00:00:48,075 "Oh, Jordan, keep hiking. We're almost there. 16 00:00:48,109 --> 00:00:50,277 "Oh, buddy." 17 00:00:50,312 --> 00:00:52,079 So much [bleep] energy. 18 00:00:52,113 --> 00:00:55,216 Just shove that clif bar up your ass, 19 00:00:55,251 --> 00:00:58,256 You bald [bleep]sucker. 20 00:01:00,261 --> 00:01:04,032 Jordan, Jordan. 21 00:01:04,066 --> 00:01:10,340 [bleep] you, Keegan... hyphen... Michael... Key. 22 00:01:10,374 --> 00:01:12,008 Jordan, wake up, 23 00:01:12,042 --> 00:01:14,512 - you're talking in your sleep. - Not asleep yet. 24 00:01:36,837 --> 00:01:38,471 - Oh! - Whoa. 25 00:01:43,011 --> 00:01:45,212 - Muay thai. - Muay thai, muay thai. 26 00:01:47,649 --> 00:01:49,350 - Thank you, thank you. - Thank you. 27 00:01:49,384 --> 00:01:52,388 You guys are awesome! 28 00:01:52,422 --> 00:01:54,790 Thank you so much. I am Keegan-Michael Key. 29 00:01:54,825 --> 00:01:56,592 - I'm Jordan Peele. - And we are Key and Peele. 30 00:01:56,627 --> 00:01:59,529 Yeah, so... 31 00:01:59,563 --> 00:02:01,097 Thank you. 32 00:02:01,132 --> 00:02:03,867 Uh, ladies, are you-- how you doing tonight? 33 00:02:06,071 --> 00:02:08,439 You're good. They're good. 34 00:02:08,473 --> 00:02:09,941 Every lady I've ever dated 35 00:02:09,975 --> 00:02:12,643 somehow gets the impression I can fight. 36 00:02:12,677 --> 00:02:14,978 Oh, that's-- that's bad news right off the bat. 37 00:02:15,012 --> 00:02:17,246 - That's bad news. - 'cause he cannot, yes. 38 00:02:17,281 --> 00:02:18,747 - I can--well-- - Nor can I. 39 00:02:18,782 --> 00:02:21,116 If I guy says something disrespectful 40 00:02:21,150 --> 00:02:22,783 to a lady that I'm with, 41 00:02:22,818 --> 00:02:24,318 I'll just pretend like I didn't-- 42 00:02:24,352 --> 00:02:27,186 - I-I went blind. - Somehow you didn't hear it? 43 00:02:27,221 --> 00:02:28,687 - Oh, man. - Did you hear that? 44 00:02:28,722 --> 00:02:29,721 - I didn't--sss-- - Did you hear what he just 45 00:02:29,756 --> 00:02:31,190 - said to me right here? - I just had 46 00:02:31,224 --> 00:02:34,392 temporary blind- and deafness. I don't know what's-- 47 00:02:34,427 --> 00:02:35,726 - He was standing right here. - He said that? 48 00:02:35,761 --> 00:02:37,061 He was standing right here, calling me a-- 49 00:02:37,095 --> 00:02:39,796 Where he at, where he at? He left? 50 00:02:39,831 --> 00:02:41,698 - See. aw, man. - No, he right here. 51 00:02:41,732 --> 00:02:42,898 - He right here. - No, I don't know 52 00:02:42,933 --> 00:02:44,066 where you pointing. I don't know what-- 53 00:02:44,100 --> 00:02:46,802 No, he's right-- he's right here. 54 00:02:46,836 --> 00:02:48,203 He's listening to you talk right now. 55 00:02:48,237 --> 00:02:49,637 - Step to me! - No, no. 56 00:02:49,672 --> 00:02:51,472 - Show yourself! - This way. He's-- 57 00:02:51,507 --> 00:02:53,508 - It ain't happening. - He's right here. 58 00:02:53,542 --> 00:02:55,510 He is right-- He is right-- 59 00:02:55,545 --> 00:02:57,179 - Baby, baby, baby. - Oh, well-- 60 00:03:03,651 --> 00:03:06,819 - Can you totally chill out? - No, I'm so annoyed right now. 61 00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:08,687 Can you, like, not talk to me for, like, a second? 62 00:03:08,722 --> 00:03:10,756 Like, that'd be great. That'd be fine. 63 00:03:10,790 --> 00:03:12,224 That'd be fine by me. 64 00:03:12,259 --> 00:03:14,393 What? Oh, my God, are you serious? 65 00:03:14,428 --> 00:03:16,562 This is bull[bleep]. What could possibly 66 00:03:16,597 --> 00:03:18,798 be the problem with letting two more people in? 67 00:03:18,832 --> 00:03:20,668 Check your girl, bro. 68 00:03:20,702 --> 00:03:22,503 - I'm sorry. - Excuse me, what did you say? 69 00:03:22,537 --> 00:03:24,939 "Check your girl"? Uh-uhh, It doesn't work like that. 70 00:03:24,973 --> 00:03:26,974 No one checks me because I'm not luggage. 71 00:03:27,008 --> 00:03:31,647 Okay? So you can go [bleep] yoursee-elf. 72 00:03:31,681 --> 00:03:33,549 Meegan, seriously, 73 00:03:33,583 --> 00:03:35,784 Two more people are gonna come out in a couple of seconds, 74 00:03:35,819 --> 00:03:37,085 and then we can go in. 75 00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:38,587 No! Let me ask you a question. 76 00:03:38,622 --> 00:03:40,189 What was it like being in The Green Mile? 77 00:03:40,223 --> 00:03:42,224 He wasn't in The Green Mile! 78 00:03:42,259 --> 00:03:43,659 He clearly wasn't in that movie. 79 00:03:43,694 --> 00:03:45,529 What does Tom Hanks's penis feel like? 80 00:03:45,563 --> 00:03:47,631 - Meegan! - Moreover, how does it feel 81 00:03:47,665 --> 00:03:49,933 when swarms of bees are coming out of your face? 82 00:03:49,968 --> 00:03:51,835 Seriously, I'm sorry. It's, like, her favorite movie. 83 00:03:51,869 --> 00:03:53,069 Don't apologize for me! 84 00:03:53,104 --> 00:03:54,471 Yeah, this is nice, this is nice. 85 00:03:54,505 --> 00:03:56,706 You look like Common meets The Incredible Hulk. 86 00:03:56,741 --> 00:03:57,941 - Meegan-- - When you brought 87 00:03:57,975 --> 00:03:59,744 the frankincense to Baby Jesus, Did they, like... 88 00:03:59,778 --> 00:04:01,679 - Oh. - make you stand 89 00:04:01,713 --> 00:04:03,180 outside the barn because you were too big, 90 00:04:03,215 --> 00:04:05,883 or did they invite you in with all the other animals? 91 00:04:05,918 --> 00:04:07,251 Don't flare your nostrils at me, 92 00:04:07,286 --> 00:04:09,019 - okay? - He's-- 93 00:04:09,054 --> 00:04:10,554 Do you have any idea how impolite that is? 94 00:04:10,589 --> 00:04:15,026 He hasn't moved his nostrils once since we got here. 95 00:04:15,061 --> 00:04:17,362 - I saw them move! - They did not move, Meegan. 96 00:04:17,397 --> 00:04:18,430 They flared! 97 00:04:18,464 --> 00:04:20,165 Meegan, they [bleep] did not move! 98 00:04:20,199 --> 00:04:24,235 Your nostrils flared more than a survivor from a boat accident. 99 00:04:24,270 --> 00:04:25,504 What? 100 00:04:25,538 --> 00:04:26,505 He's not even looking me in the eyes. 101 00:04:26,539 --> 00:04:27,906 Okay, you know what? 102 00:04:27,940 --> 00:04:30,375 If you're just going to continue to be a little prick, 103 00:04:30,410 --> 00:04:32,477 you're gonna get your ass kicked. 104 00:04:32,512 --> 00:04:35,080 Don't touch him, Mee-- Meegan. 105 00:04:35,114 --> 00:04:37,482 Crazy bitch. 106 00:04:47,293 --> 00:04:49,027 Oh! 107 00:04:49,062 --> 00:04:51,530 I totally love my nails right now. 108 00:04:53,166 --> 00:04:55,267 I'm so over everything right now, 109 00:04:55,301 --> 00:04:58,002 over the floor, I'm over the sky, I'm over you, 110 00:04:58,036 --> 00:04:59,436 over that pussy back there. 111 00:04:59,471 --> 00:05:01,138 You're a pussy! 112 00:05:01,173 --> 00:05:02,940 - Meegan, seriously. - Whatever. 113 00:05:04,610 --> 00:05:06,044 Nice legs, little lady. 114 00:05:06,078 --> 00:05:09,147 Um, excuse me? 115 00:05:09,181 --> 00:05:10,915 Oh, God! 116 00:05:10,950 --> 00:05:12,517 Hey, what did you say? 117 00:05:12,551 --> 00:05:15,620 What the [bleep] did you just say? 118 00:05:15,654 --> 00:05:19,790 You guys come back here with your little itty-bitty dicks. 119 00:05:22,427 --> 00:05:24,061 You best control your lady. 120 00:05:24,095 --> 00:05:25,696 - Yup. - Excuse-- 121 00:05:25,730 --> 00:05:29,133 "Control your lady"? No, he doesn't control me, 122 00:05:29,167 --> 00:05:31,969 'cause let me tell you something, I'm not a remote. 123 00:05:32,003 --> 00:05:34,705 Meegan, baby, can we just let this go? 124 00:05:34,739 --> 00:05:36,840 No, I'm talking to the Pussies of Anarchy right now. 125 00:05:36,875 --> 00:05:38,342 - Oh, boy. - Yeah, you. 126 00:05:38,376 --> 00:05:40,577 Why don't you all gather yourselves, 127 00:05:40,612 --> 00:05:42,746 and why don't you just go and figure out a way 128 00:05:42,780 --> 00:05:45,949 to [bleep] on each other's leathery peni. 129 00:05:45,984 --> 00:05:47,952 Hey, [bleep] you, bitch! 130 00:05:47,986 --> 00:05:50,988 -Oh, no. 131 00:05:57,496 --> 00:06:00,598 It's not even the plural of "penis." 132 00:06:00,632 --> 00:06:01,599 Yeah! 133 00:06:02,801 --> 00:06:06,937 I'm the queen of the world! 134 00:06:06,972 --> 00:06:09,673 Yes! I feel invincible! 135 00:06:09,708 --> 00:06:13,010 Like I have super powers or something. Ha ha! 136 00:06:13,045 --> 00:06:15,413 You hear that, all you [bleep] of the world? 137 00:06:15,448 --> 00:06:18,250 I can do anything I want, and no one can stop me. 138 00:06:18,284 --> 00:06:20,318 Because you don't have to fight your own fights, 139 00:06:20,353 --> 00:06:22,054 you crazy bitch! 140 00:06:22,088 --> 00:06:24,723 Oh, boy. 141 00:06:24,758 --> 00:06:28,227 Oh, no. 142 00:06:32,131 --> 00:06:35,234 Ugh! Oh. 143 00:06:35,268 --> 00:06:37,736 Nothing can stop me! 144 00:06:38,738 --> 00:06:39,738 Action. 145 00:06:39,772 --> 00:06:41,073 Hey, have you ever found yourself 146 00:06:41,107 --> 00:06:43,742 in High Point, North Carolina, and not feeling safe? 147 00:06:43,776 --> 00:06:47,679 Come on down to Doug Duggart's Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. 148 00:06:47,714 --> 00:06:49,814 You will learn to tackle and grapple, 149 00:06:49,849 --> 00:06:51,616 And-- 150 00:06:54,253 --> 00:06:56,287 like a ultimate fighting pro. 151 00:06:56,321 --> 00:06:58,554 At my studio, you get hands-on training, 152 00:07:00,357 --> 00:07:01,991 and individual attention. 153 00:07:02,025 --> 00:07:06,194 So hut! Hut! 154 00:07:06,228 --> 00:07:07,895 Tackle and grapple. 155 00:07:07,930 --> 00:07:10,497 Take on multiple enemies. 156 00:07:10,531 --> 00:07:13,499 This is a tackle. That's a grapple. 157 00:07:13,533 --> 00:07:15,500 This is a tackle. 158 00:07:15,535 --> 00:07:17,068 That's a grapple. 159 00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:18,635 Get-- There we go. 160 00:07:20,537 --> 00:07:21,904 Tackle and grapple! 161 00:07:21,938 --> 00:07:25,941 All ages, learn to protect yourself and your loved ones. 162 00:07:31,580 --> 00:07:33,714 There are many different levels. 163 00:07:33,748 --> 00:07:35,248 There's the beginner level, 164 00:07:35,283 --> 00:07:39,118 and if you pass my private one-on-one sensei trial, 165 00:07:39,152 --> 00:07:42,387 you may make it into the advanced class. 166 00:07:42,422 --> 00:07:43,554 Tackle and grapple! 167 00:07:43,589 --> 00:07:45,156 Doug Duggart's Brazilian Jiu Jitsu 168 00:07:45,190 --> 00:07:47,357 at the High Point mini mall. Just east of the pizza barn 169 00:07:47,392 --> 00:07:50,027 two doors down from Carl's Discount Wheels and Furniture. 170 00:07:50,061 --> 00:07:51,528 So-- quick tackle! Get down. 171 00:07:55,701 --> 00:07:57,235 No, stay-- stay away. 172 00:07:57,269 --> 00:07:59,237 Special discounts for college students. 173 00:07:59,271 --> 00:08:00,872 S-- Mm, move it. Get your leg back. 174 00:08:02,074 --> 00:08:05,409 Put your leg back there. 175 00:08:10,665 --> 00:08:12,199 There's an elevator etiquette, 176 00:08:12,233 --> 00:08:14,167 and people gotta be following this etiquette. 177 00:08:14,202 --> 00:08:17,336 When I get on an elevator and I press six 178 00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:19,999 and the light lights up, and you get in the elevator, 179 00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:22,468 if you're going to six and you see the light's lit up, 180 00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:24,603 don't [bleep] touch the button. 181 00:08:24,637 --> 00:08:27,038 Dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit diddle-diddle-dit 182 00:08:27,073 --> 00:08:29,374 dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit diddle-diddle-dit. 183 00:08:29,408 --> 00:08:30,675 What are you doing, Morse code up in here? 184 00:08:30,710 --> 00:08:32,177 Yeah, that's right, man, I'm sending-- 185 00:08:32,211 --> 00:08:33,345 sending a telegram. 186 00:08:33,379 --> 00:08:34,712 Sometimes it makes the doors go faster. 187 00:08:34,747 --> 00:08:35,713 - Oh, yeah? - You want to really 188 00:08:35,748 --> 00:08:36,981 - get it going... - Uh-huh. 189 00:08:37,016 --> 00:08:38,550 - You gotta warm it up. - Yeah, yeah. 190 00:08:38,584 --> 00:08:39,651 - Dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit. - Yeah. yeah, 191 00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:40,853 The doors have not yet closed, sir. 192 00:08:40,887 --> 00:08:42,388 Every elevator's different, man. 193 00:08:42,422 --> 00:08:45,991 I'm a elevator whisperer, really, is what I am. 194 00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:48,895 This one needs a little care, needs a little tender-- 195 00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:50,797 tender TLC. Come on, baby. 196 00:08:50,831 --> 00:08:52,332 What's-- 197 00:08:52,366 --> 00:08:55,735 Come on, baby. Let's get it going. 198 00:08:55,769 --> 00:08:57,536 Let's get it going. 199 00:08:57,571 --> 00:08:59,038 She's not responding to you. 200 00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:01,240 You know, I'm just-- just gonna take the next one. 201 00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:03,276 Yeah, all right, all right. 202 00:09:08,347 --> 00:09:10,515 Uh, I actually pressed it already. 203 00:09:10,549 --> 00:09:13,552 - Mmm? - The walk button, I pressed it. 204 00:09:19,824 --> 00:09:21,458 Couldn't hurt to press it again. 205 00:09:21,492 --> 00:09:22,659 But it won't help. 206 00:09:22,694 --> 00:09:25,596 I mean, I pressed it already, right? 207 00:09:25,630 --> 00:09:27,599 It's already done. 208 00:09:27,633 --> 00:09:29,400 You don't think I didn't press it? 209 00:09:29,435 --> 00:09:31,703 No, I wasn't saying that. 210 00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:34,840 Good, 'cause I most certainly did press it. 211 00:09:34,875 --> 00:09:37,877 Just have to wait for it to change. 212 00:09:43,516 --> 00:09:45,485 So I'm, like, late for work, 213 00:09:45,519 --> 00:09:47,453 So I'm just-- just gonna press it. 214 00:09:47,488 --> 00:09:50,457 What for? Why would you do something that's already done? 215 00:09:50,491 --> 00:09:56,163 I mean, I just think that that's crazy, right? 216 00:09:56,197 --> 00:09:58,298 - I dunno. - You wouldn't suit up 217 00:09:58,332 --> 00:10:01,701 and try to kill Bin Laden again. It's done. 218 00:10:01,735 --> 00:10:06,739 I have killed the Bin laden of pressing this button. 219 00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:09,075 How long ago did you press it? 220 00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:11,678 What do you think, I've been standing here for days? 221 00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:12,979 - I-- - I just pressed it 222 00:10:13,013 --> 00:10:14,614 right as you walked up. 223 00:10:14,649 --> 00:10:16,049 Are you sure you pressed it? 224 00:10:16,084 --> 00:10:18,385 Am I sure I pressed it? It's--how could I miss it? 225 00:10:18,419 --> 00:10:20,754 Rats know how to press buttons. 226 00:10:20,788 --> 00:10:22,155 Do you think I'm dumber than a rat? 227 00:10:22,189 --> 00:10:25,125 No. No, nobody's saying anything like that, man. 228 00:10:25,159 --> 00:10:28,161 It's gonna change. Just--just wait. 229 00:10:28,195 --> 00:10:30,530 It's because I pressed it already. 230 00:10:30,564 --> 00:10:33,366 Okay, no offense. I'm just gonna press it. 231 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:35,569 What would you do that for? This is precision equipment 232 00:10:35,603 --> 00:10:37,738 Designed by people with engineering degrees. 233 00:10:37,772 --> 00:10:38,873 It will work. 234 00:10:38,907 --> 00:10:41,509 I pressed it, sir! I pressed the button! 235 00:10:41,543 --> 00:10:43,144 While we've been standing here, 236 00:10:43,178 --> 00:10:45,713 the light cycle has gone by twice, okay? 237 00:10:45,747 --> 00:10:47,548 I'm not saying you didn't press it. 238 00:10:47,582 --> 00:10:48,749 I'm just saying maybe it didn't work! 239 00:10:48,784 --> 00:10:49,984 If it didn't work for me, 240 00:10:50,018 --> 00:10:52,620 why in the world would it work for you? 241 00:10:52,654 --> 00:10:56,557 You think that it would change faster if you pressed it? 242 00:10:56,592 --> 00:10:58,526 You think the light doesn't like me, or something, 243 00:10:58,560 --> 00:11:01,729 or do you think that this particular button was designed 244 00:11:01,764 --> 00:11:02,964 so that it only works 245 00:11:02,998 --> 00:11:04,899 after the second time that it's been pressed? 246 00:11:04,934 --> 00:11:07,702 'cause that's lunacy, okay? Do you understand? 247 00:11:07,737 --> 00:11:10,972 Do not cut my balls off on this one, okay? 248 00:11:11,007 --> 00:11:15,543 Please, do not press the button... 249 00:11:15,578 --> 00:11:16,711 again. 250 00:11:16,746 --> 00:11:21,083 Okay, fine! We'll just stand here! 251 00:11:21,117 --> 00:11:24,820 Thank you. 252 00:11:24,854 --> 00:11:26,889 - What? - Hey, no! 253 00:11:26,923 --> 00:11:28,891 Oh! oh! 254 00:11:28,925 --> 00:11:31,693 Told you shouldn't have pressed the button. 255 00:11:31,728 --> 00:11:33,928 Told him not to do that. 256 00:11:33,962 --> 00:11:36,962 No, actually, I already pressed the button, sir. 257 00:11:40,898 --> 00:11:43,366 All right, fellas, Coming to the stage next 258 00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:45,801 is the beautiful Galaxy. 259 00:11:45,836 --> 00:11:49,005 - Hey, baby. - Hey, baby. 260 00:11:51,509 --> 00:11:53,510 Oh. 261 00:11:55,213 --> 00:11:58,081 Gon' be for you. 262 00:11:58,116 --> 00:11:59,349 You can keep it. 263 00:11:59,384 --> 00:12:01,151 There's more where that came from too. 264 00:12:01,186 --> 00:12:03,154 Trust me. 265 00:12:04,656 --> 00:12:07,291 There's my girl. Oh, damn. 266 00:12:07,325 --> 00:12:09,760 I'm straight up talkin' 'bout some Darryl Dawkins right here, 267 00:12:09,794 --> 00:12:10,761 Because this some chocolate thunder. 268 00:12:10,795 --> 00:12:12,663 What, girl? Make it rain! 269 00:12:12,697 --> 00:12:14,364 Yeah. 270 00:12:14,399 --> 00:12:16,867 - Oh, yeah, girl. - I try to make it last! 271 00:12:18,904 --> 00:12:21,572 What-- 272 00:12:21,606 --> 00:12:22,940 All right, girl, mmm. 273 00:12:22,974 --> 00:12:24,942 Sha-pam! I'ma get it right in the booty right there. 274 00:12:24,977 --> 00:12:26,310 Uh, and booty-swam! 275 00:12:26,345 --> 00:12:27,845 That's what you call a booty investment. 276 00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:29,514 Sha-blam! 277 00:12:29,548 --> 00:12:32,650 But you really don't need to give 'em that much. 278 00:12:32,684 --> 00:12:34,185 I don't think they're expecting all that. 279 00:12:34,219 --> 00:12:36,153 Whoo! 280 00:12:36,188 --> 00:12:38,022 It's kind of like feeding a squirrel, you know? 281 00:12:38,056 --> 00:12:40,090 I mean, they will come back to you, so-- 282 00:12:40,124 --> 00:12:42,292 Oh, oh, oh, my gosh. Some of this is getting lost. 283 00:12:42,327 --> 00:12:43,527 Let's get it right where it needs to be. 284 00:12:43,561 --> 00:12:46,296 - Right in there, baby. oh, yeah. - Keep it classy. 285 00:12:46,331 --> 00:12:48,098 - Ha ha ha! - Keep it classy. 286 00:12:48,132 --> 00:12:49,599 Oh, [bleep], somebody better get a umbrella, 287 00:12:49,634 --> 00:12:50,934 'cause I can't stop making it rain. 288 00:12:50,968 --> 00:12:52,469 It's like Noah's flood up in here. 289 00:12:52,503 --> 00:12:56,506 Whoo, two by two, baby. Two by two! Ha ha! 290 00:12:56,541 --> 00:12:58,241 Baby, you don't know that I'm the General, 291 00:12:58,276 --> 00:13:00,511 'cause it's Stormin' Norman. That's what they be calling me. 292 00:13:08,486 --> 00:13:10,053 - Ahh. - Damn. 293 00:13:10,088 --> 00:13:12,656 Anyway, like I said, when you finish training, 294 00:13:12,690 --> 00:13:14,491 we'll get Scotty Musso up in here. 295 00:13:14,525 --> 00:13:16,860 That [bleep] can train a boxer. 296 00:13:23,367 --> 00:13:26,369 Ooh, Lord have mercy. 297 00:13:26,403 --> 00:13:27,937 You don't know nothing about this. 298 00:13:27,971 --> 00:13:30,039 Make it rain! 299 00:13:30,073 --> 00:13:31,574 - Aah! - What the-- 300 00:13:31,608 --> 00:13:33,008 Are you an idiot? 301 00:13:33,043 --> 00:13:35,844 Leon, get this guy outta here. 302 00:13:35,878 --> 00:13:38,780 All right, nobody move! There he is. 303 00:13:38,815 --> 00:13:39,848 There who is? 304 00:13:39,883 --> 00:13:41,350 - You, on your feet! - What? 305 00:13:41,385 --> 00:13:43,986 - On your feet. - What I do? 306 00:13:44,020 --> 00:13:46,421 You're under arrest for photocopying money. 307 00:13:46,456 --> 00:13:48,457 Oh, goddamn it! 308 00:13:48,491 --> 00:13:51,260 You know how long it took me to cut all that out? 309 00:13:51,294 --> 00:13:53,996 I got carpal tunnel syndrome up in this bitch, 310 00:13:54,030 --> 00:13:56,098 calluses on the inside of my thumbs. 311 00:13:56,132 --> 00:13:57,766 That's definitely real, though. 312 00:14:02,051 --> 00:14:04,819 Remember the character that Laurence Fishburne played 313 00:14:04,854 --> 00:14:07,288 in Boyz N the Hood? Furious, right? 314 00:14:07,322 --> 00:14:10,992 We love those characters who are--like, the older dudes 315 00:14:11,026 --> 00:14:12,494 who just have to be spouting advice 316 00:14:12,528 --> 00:14:13,962 to everybody in the movie. 317 00:14:13,996 --> 00:14:18,867 Dude walking around with some sort of food in his hand. 318 00:14:18,901 --> 00:14:20,902 Want a lemonhead, son? You want a lemonhead? 319 00:14:20,937 --> 00:14:24,706 You want a lemonhead, son? Want a lemonhead? 320 00:14:24,740 --> 00:14:27,409 I got corn nuts in this hand, lemonheads in this hand. 321 00:14:29,446 --> 00:14:31,480 Which one you want? 322 00:14:31,515 --> 00:14:32,816 The funny thing about those dudes, 323 00:14:32,850 --> 00:14:34,985 those dudes, they're never, like, in their 70s. 324 00:14:35,019 --> 00:14:36,920 They were always, like, in their 40s or 50s. 325 00:14:36,954 --> 00:14:38,054 - Mm-hmm. - [bleep], why is you-- 326 00:14:38,088 --> 00:14:40,456 - why don't you have a job? - Yeah. 327 00:14:40,491 --> 00:14:42,425 - How are you giving me advice? - Where is your job? 328 00:14:42,459 --> 00:14:43,826 He's just, like, you know, sitting on-- 329 00:14:43,861 --> 00:14:46,095 Boy, you need to get out there and get yourself employed, 330 00:14:46,130 --> 00:14:47,730 - so something with your life. - Mm-hmm. 331 00:14:47,765 --> 00:14:49,833 'cause I ain't got time for no monkey business. 332 00:14:49,867 --> 00:14:51,034 Mm-hmm. 333 00:14:51,068 --> 00:14:53,302 And what do you do for a living, sir? 334 00:14:53,337 --> 00:14:56,738 L-- Advise. 335 00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:08,782 Mm, brothers, brothers, brothers, 336 00:15:08,817 --> 00:15:13,254 see, when are we gon' think of ourselves as more than this? 337 00:15:14,923 --> 00:15:17,024 What y'all doing, y'all rollin'? huh? 338 00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:20,027 Flippin'? Stoopin'? 339 00:15:20,061 --> 00:15:21,795 Boxin'? Maxin'? 340 00:15:21,829 --> 00:15:23,330 Chaxin'? 341 00:15:23,364 --> 00:15:25,632 I used to stoop. Oh, yeah. 342 00:15:25,666 --> 00:15:27,968 I used to flip, roll, you know, whatever you want to call it. 343 00:15:28,002 --> 00:15:30,137 Me and my crew, 344 00:15:30,171 --> 00:15:34,742 we would get into activity, much like yourselves. 345 00:15:34,777 --> 00:15:37,979 You see, the problem was, we were only perpetuating 346 00:15:38,013 --> 00:15:41,149 the stereotype the system already assumes about us. 347 00:15:41,183 --> 00:15:44,051 Mm. You see, we need to 348 00:15:44,086 --> 00:15:47,321 stop feeding into the preconceived notions 349 00:15:47,356 --> 00:15:48,823 that we are all-- 350 00:15:48,857 --> 00:15:52,426 Great job, you guys. You really work hard today. 351 00:15:52,460 --> 00:15:57,131 I wish I could pay you more, but you know how it is. 352 00:15:57,166 --> 00:16:00,502 Eh--who are you, huh? What do you want? 353 00:16:00,537 --> 00:16:04,073 I-I don't know. 354 00:16:04,107 --> 00:16:05,607 As you were. 355 00:16:05,642 --> 00:16:07,709 As you were what, smart guy? 356 00:16:12,715 --> 00:16:17,319 Mmm. Oh, ho. Brothers, brothers, brothers, 357 00:16:17,353 --> 00:16:20,790 Look at yourselves. Pants hangin' off your ass, 358 00:16:20,824 --> 00:16:22,625 Looking like a couple of clowns-- 359 00:16:22,659 --> 00:16:26,495 which you are. okay, Enjoy the birthday celebration. 360 00:16:26,530 --> 00:16:27,697 Gimme your [bleep] money, Bitch! 361 00:16:27,731 --> 00:16:28,965 - No! No! - I said, 362 00:16:28,999 --> 00:16:31,367 - gimme your [bleep] money, bitch! - Oh! Oh! 363 00:16:31,402 --> 00:16:33,836 Brother, brother, brother. 364 00:16:33,871 --> 00:16:37,440 Sir, everybody in this self-defense class 365 00:16:37,475 --> 00:16:39,409 has already paid to participate. 366 00:16:39,443 --> 00:16:42,377 If you're interested, you can sign up online. 367 00:16:44,179 --> 00:16:45,613 - I'm interested. - Good. 368 00:16:45,647 --> 00:16:47,347 That's why I came over here. I'm interested. 369 00:16:47,381 --> 00:16:48,714 I'm gon' think about it. 370 00:16:48,748 --> 00:16:51,749 - I'm interested. - Thank you, sir. 371 00:16:51,783 --> 00:16:54,384 Now, ladies, it's gon' get really intense today, 372 00:16:54,419 --> 00:16:55,685 no matter what happens. 373 00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:58,521 I will be groping your breastasies 374 00:16:58,555 --> 00:17:00,355 as if you were being attacked like a real attacker. 375 00:17:00,390 --> 00:17:04,992 Brother, brother, my brother. Now, I was watching you. 376 00:17:05,026 --> 00:17:09,662 Now, you older brothers need to break the stereotype 377 00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:12,297 and stop being so preachy. 378 00:17:12,331 --> 00:17:13,531 - You know what? - Mm? 379 00:17:13,566 --> 00:17:14,665 - I'm preachy? - Mm. 380 00:17:14,699 --> 00:17:16,032 Come on. 381 00:17:16,066 --> 00:17:19,401 You preachy, man. Plus, you older than me. 382 00:17:19,435 --> 00:17:23,237 I'm nine years old. I got Benjamin Button's disease. 383 00:17:23,271 --> 00:17:27,273 S-- I'm done. I'm done. 384 00:17:32,378 --> 00:17:34,478 "Oh, nature's gonna be so great once we get--" 385 00:17:34,512 --> 00:17:38,680 Shove nature up your ass, you bald [bleep]sucker. 386 00:17:38,714 --> 00:17:42,849 And by "bald [bleep]sucker," I mean you suck bald [bleep]. 387 00:17:42,883 --> 00:17:43,883 Still awake. 388 00:17:48,724 --> 00:17:50,925 Do you guys-- do you guys like funk music? 389 00:17:50,959 --> 00:17:51,993 Yeah. 390 00:17:52,027 --> 00:17:53,161 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 391 00:17:53,195 --> 00:17:55,063 I tell you, funk music is a real testament 392 00:17:55,097 --> 00:17:57,032 to what a big group of people can do 393 00:17:57,066 --> 00:17:58,901 - when they take acid together. - Yes. 394 00:17:58,935 --> 00:18:02,438 It's really... It's just fantastic. 395 00:18:02,472 --> 00:18:04,706 It looks like a Halloween party for kids 396 00:18:04,740 --> 00:18:06,541 - when the parents was just drunk. - Yeah, right, exactly. 397 00:18:06,575 --> 00:18:07,642 It's like, "I don't know, just put some [bleep] on." 398 00:18:07,677 --> 00:18:09,010 "I don't--put this on and just-- blip! 399 00:18:09,045 --> 00:18:10,679 "Just stick on that in the head 400 00:18:10,713 --> 00:18:13,482 - "and wear nothing but a diaper." - Yeah, you know. 401 00:18:13,516 --> 00:18:15,550 And the funny thing is, the lyrics are just kind of 402 00:18:15,585 --> 00:18:18,320 a combination of some mode of transportation... 403 00:18:18,354 --> 00:18:20,489 - Mm-hmm. - a food, 404 00:18:20,523 --> 00:18:21,757 - and an animal. - Mm-hmm. 405 00:18:21,791 --> 00:18:26,162 ♪ Intergalactic hang glider with a dog ♪ 406 00:18:26,196 --> 00:18:27,629 Mm-hmm. 407 00:18:27,664 --> 00:18:29,564 - And just get it in there. - Yeah. 408 00:18:29,598 --> 00:18:34,101 ♪ Ostrich farm vanilla puddin' Give it to me, y'all ♪ 409 00:18:34,135 --> 00:18:35,269 Right? 410 00:18:35,303 --> 00:18:36,370 That's it. 411 00:18:36,405 --> 00:18:37,538 Might've made too much sense there. 412 00:18:37,572 --> 00:18:38,939 Yeah, might have made too much sense, yeah. 413 00:18:38,974 --> 00:18:40,374 It might've made-- like, "No, that's not funky, 414 00:18:40,408 --> 00:18:41,909 ''cause I knew what the [bleep] he was talking about." 415 00:18:41,943 --> 00:18:43,110 I knew what that meant. 416 00:18:53,455 --> 00:18:58,260 ♪ Got a pocket full of funky with a peppermint twist ♪ 417 00:18:58,294 --> 00:19:03,799 ♪ She's a cool, shifty mama blastin' off on the flip ♪ 418 00:19:03,833 --> 00:19:08,604 ♪ Iridescent pork belly galactic super train ♪ 419 00:19:08,638 --> 00:19:13,208 ♪ Mama sister playground with a straw daddy cane ♪ 420 00:19:13,243 --> 00:19:14,677 ♪ Uh-huh 421 00:19:16,480 --> 00:19:19,081 - ♪ Gotta get it up - ♪ Hey 422 00:19:19,115 --> 00:19:21,584 - ♪ Gotta get it on - ♪ Uh 423 00:19:21,618 --> 00:19:24,086 - ♪ Gotta get it down - ♪ Hey 424 00:19:24,120 --> 00:19:26,188 ♪ Gotta make it strong 425 00:19:26,222 --> 00:19:31,793 ♪ Got that quick dip crayon earthquake jet pack on a bun ♪ 426 00:19:31,828 --> 00:19:35,497 ♪ Locomotive supernova Spanish Harlem sun ♪ 427 00:19:35,531 --> 00:19:37,065 ♪ Yeah 428 00:19:37,100 --> 00:19:41,704 ♪ Slick crawfish solar blast with a phosphorescent brain ♪ 429 00:19:41,738 --> 00:19:46,976 ♪ Who's that mama squat town? Deep fried Detroit soda train ♪ 430 00:19:47,011 --> 00:19:49,245 ♪ Gotta shake it up 431 00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:52,081 ♪ Gotta move it in 432 00:19:52,115 --> 00:19:54,483 ♪ Gotta put it down 433 00:19:54,517 --> 00:19:56,719 ♪ You gotta make it swim 434 00:19:56,753 --> 00:20:02,091 ♪ Nebulatic comets sanitation disease ♪ 435 00:20:02,125 --> 00:20:06,028 ♪ Quick play tornado rip and tickle beef sneeze ♪ 436 00:20:06,063 --> 00:20:07,497 ♪ Hey 437 00:20:07,531 --> 00:20:11,967 ♪ Ships planets justice cannons, cables, and trees ♪ 438 00:20:12,002 --> 00:20:16,404 ♪ Soctor's office penguin shillings, railroads, and peas ♪ 439 00:20:16,439 --> 00:20:19,974 ♪ I said crippled donkey Mel Brooks book train ♪ 440 00:20:20,008 --> 00:20:22,143 ♪ Bats on my knees 441 00:20:22,178 --> 00:20:26,882 ♪ Penicillin trapdoor laser currency beans ♪ 442 00:20:26,916 --> 00:20:32,921 ♪ He say penicillin trapdoor laser currency beans ♪ 443 00:20:32,955 --> 00:20:34,822 Hey, what the hell are we saying, man? 444 00:20:34,857 --> 00:20:36,591 I got no idea, man. I'm just hungry 445 00:20:36,625 --> 00:20:38,760 and talking about the galaxy and trash. 446 00:20:38,794 --> 00:20:40,428 I think they buying it, though. 447 00:20:47,637 --> 00:20:48,637 - Tackle and grapple-- No? - Tackle and grap! 448 00:20:48,671 --> 00:20:50,038 - We tackle and grapple. - You want we go 449 00:20:50,072 --> 00:20:51,172 - tackle and grapple? - Gonna go tackle and grap. 450 00:20:51,207 --> 00:20:52,340 Tackle-- look at these. Tackle and grapple! 451 00:20:52,375 --> 00:20:53,442 - No, no, no. - Tackle and grapple. 452 00:20:53,476 --> 00:20:54,510 No, no, no, no, no, no. 453 00:20:54,544 --> 00:20:55,944 Good night, everybody. Good night. 454 00:20:55,979 --> 00:20:57,212 - Tackle and grapple. - You stay there. 455 00:20:57,247 --> 00:20:58,814 - Man. - Tackle. 456 00:20:58,848 --> 00:21:01,816 ♪ I'm gonna do my one line here ♪ 457 00:21:01,850 --> 00:21:03,851 Oh, yeah. 34185

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