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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:24,227 --> 00:00:26,995 There's gotta be another human being out there. 2 00:00:29,750 --> 00:00:31,324 Somewhere. 3 00:00:40,853 --> 00:00:44,459 It's been 173 days since the undoing. 4 00:00:47,994 --> 00:00:51,592 Today, I may be the last man alive. 5 00:00:53,149 --> 00:00:56,072 However, if there is another, 6 00:00:56,634 --> 00:00:58,380 I will find them. 7 00:00:59,299 --> 00:01:01,347 The loneliness is more than I can... 8 00:01:05,486 --> 00:01:07,020 Whoo-hoo! 9 00:01:07,087 --> 00:01:08,901 Yeah! Whee! 10 00:01:10,729 --> 00:01:12,465 Ha ha! 11 00:01:13,404 --> 00:01:15,571 Whoo-hoo. There you go. 12 00:01:15,776 --> 00:01:17,944 Ahh. Let me get some of that. 13 00:01:18,232 --> 00:01:22,112 Mm. Mmm. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 14 00:01:23,777 --> 00:01:25,004 Oh, yeah! 15 00:01:25,072 --> 00:01:26,851 That's my jam right there! 16 00:01:26,887 --> 00:01:28,653 Whoo! 17 00:01:30,134 --> 00:01:31,334 Hazzah! 18 00:01:31,402 --> 00:01:34,116 Wah, shakikah! Wah, shaslikah! 19 00:01:34,381 --> 00:01:36,205 Ooh, y'all don't know nothin' about that. 20 00:01:36,275 --> 00:01:38,343 Mm, mm. Ptt-ptt-ptt-ptt. 21 00:01:38,548 --> 00:01:40,716 Oh, hey baby, how you doing? 22 00:01:41,873 --> 00:01:43,062 Yeah! 23 00:01:43,459 --> 00:01:45,026 What, all day, baby! 24 00:01:47,685 --> 00:01:48,554 Yeah! 25 00:01:53,033 --> 00:01:54,834 Whoa, hey! Dude! 26 00:01:54,902 --> 00:01:57,236 Um, hey, I'll... I'll come over there. 27 00:01:57,304 --> 00:01:59,005 Dude! Hey! 28 00:01:59,073 --> 00:02:01,274 I'll come to you, man. 29 00:02:16,221 --> 00:02:18,850 There's got to be another human being out there... 30 00:02:21,061 --> 00:02:22,706 somewhere. 31 00:02:51,957 --> 00:02:53,224 Thank you so much. 32 00:02:53,374 --> 00:02:55,564 - I am Keegan-Michael Key. - I am Jordan Peele. 33 00:02:55,631 --> 00:02:57,202 We are Key and Peele. Welcome to the show. 34 00:03:04,671 --> 00:03:05,676 So, uh... 35 00:03:06,106 --> 00:03:08,107 - I didn't really know my father. - Mm-hmm, yes. 36 00:03:08,175 --> 00:03:09,509 Didn't really know... never really knew my father. 37 00:03:09,576 --> 00:03:10,777 I was raised by my mother, single mom. 38 00:03:10,844 --> 00:03:12,845 - Single moms in the house! - Single moms! 39 00:03:12,913 --> 00:03:15,024 Single moms are not in the house, because they're... 40 00:03:15,058 --> 00:03:16,963 They're at home with their kids... raising their kids. 41 00:03:17,451 --> 00:03:19,218 Thank you. Thank you for playing anyway. 42 00:03:19,286 --> 00:03:22,288 They seldom... seldom get out of the house. Sorry... 43 00:03:22,385 --> 00:03:24,005 Well I had one of those dads who was, like, 44 00:03:24,038 --> 00:03:25,422 apparently just one of those dudes 45 00:03:25,518 --> 00:03:28,682 Had about 54 children in the span of two years, you know? 46 00:03:28,682 --> 00:03:30,482 - It was a Temptations thing. - All across America? 47 00:03:30,491 --> 00:03:32,180 Papa was a rollin' stone. Yes, he was. 48 00:03:32,251 --> 00:03:34,767 He must've just gone on a bus tour and, like, 49 00:03:34,835 --> 00:03:37,937 sticked his penis out the window, just every... 50 00:03:38,005 --> 00:03:40,773 every city he was in. "There you go. 51 00:03:40,841 --> 00:03:43,209 "There's one of me for you guys. 52 00:03:43,277 --> 00:03:45,878 "One of me for you guys. 53 00:03:45,946 --> 00:03:47,680 "Syracuse. 54 00:03:47,748 --> 00:03:49,649 - "Tampa." - Bu... wow. 55 00:03:49,716 --> 00:03:52,185 That is a hell of a lot of gas. 56 00:03:52,252 --> 00:03:55,163 But this, right here, this is a hypothetical meeting. 57 00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:58,546 Like a hypothetical meeting of Jordan and his father. 58 00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:16,008 Um, hi. Are you Earl Peele? 59 00:04:16,786 --> 00:04:18,945 Who the hell want to know? 60 00:04:20,280 --> 00:04:22,759 I think I'm your son, Jordan Peele. 61 00:04:23,134 --> 00:04:25,044 Oh, okay, I see. 62 00:04:26,820 --> 00:04:28,487 Come on in here for a minute. 63 00:04:29,049 --> 00:04:31,310 - Close the door on the way in. - All right. 64 00:04:35,062 --> 00:04:36,764 All right, man, go ahead and sit down. 65 00:04:36,773 --> 00:04:38,332 I'm gonna explain something to you. 66 00:04:38,379 --> 00:04:39,365 Okay. 67 00:04:40,016 --> 00:04:42,477 (both sigh,, sniff, grunt) 68 00:04:44,838 --> 00:04:46,555 I ain't your dad. 69 00:04:47,241 --> 00:04:48,942 All right, I'm sorry to disappoint you, 70 00:04:48,951 --> 00:04:50,855 but that's the situation, brother. 71 00:04:51,812 --> 00:04:54,380 Are you... you see what's happening? 72 00:04:54,642 --> 00:04:57,083 - Huh? - We're doing the same thing. 73 00:04:57,150 --> 00:05:00,411 I-I always do this. I always scratch the back of my neck like this 74 00:05:00,487 --> 00:05:02,620 whenever I'm in an uncomfortable situation. 75 00:05:03,363 --> 00:05:06,632 Scratch my neck, man. Everybody scratch their neck. 76 00:05:07,033 --> 00:05:10,259 I breathe in and out too, man. Now everybody my kid? 77 00:05:10,303 --> 00:05:11,570 Okay, look at this. 78 00:05:11,832 --> 00:05:13,783 That's a picture of me when I was a baby. 79 00:05:14,268 --> 00:05:15,789 That's my father. 80 00:05:17,371 --> 00:05:18,938 That ain't me. 81 00:05:19,006 --> 00:05:21,308 Man, look, look, man, look at that dude's afro. 82 00:05:21,340 --> 00:05:23,408 Look, I got this going on, man. 83 00:05:23,477 --> 00:05:26,019 My hair is gray, he got black hair. 84 00:05:26,063 --> 00:05:29,575 I mean, he handsome as hell, but I ain't nobody's daddy. 85 00:05:34,974 --> 00:05:36,346 I'm sorry. 86 00:05:37,832 --> 00:05:39,792 I've just been looking for him everywhere. 87 00:05:39,860 --> 00:05:41,527 Yeah, yeah. I'm sure you have. 88 00:05:41,595 --> 00:05:44,566 It's just, I got my own TV show now. 89 00:05:49,536 --> 00:05:50,836 I don't know, I just... 90 00:05:50,904 --> 00:05:54,603 I know that wherever he is, he... he would be proud. 91 00:05:55,342 --> 00:05:56,964 Y-you got your own TV show, huh? 92 00:05:56,977 --> 00:05:58,244 - Yeah. - Yeah. 93 00:05:58,256 --> 00:06:00,724 Yeah, I'm producing and acting. 94 00:06:00,820 --> 00:06:03,319 Mm, oh, you, oh, you producing and acting! 95 00:06:03,417 --> 00:06:05,918 Right, okay, yeah, that... oh, that... that's my boy. 96 00:06:07,788 --> 00:06:09,695 Yeah, look at that, man, we doing the same thing. 97 00:06:09,732 --> 00:06:11,896 What is that? Holy [bleep]. 98 00:06:12,270 --> 00:06:14,721 That's genes right there, man. 'cause you can't do that 99 00:06:14,788 --> 00:06:16,656 unless you sharing mad genes with somebody. 100 00:06:16,669 --> 00:06:18,014 It's got to be in your DNAs. 101 00:06:19,159 --> 00:06:20,733 - Oh! - All right. 102 00:06:20,829 --> 00:06:22,810 - You my son. - No. 103 00:06:22,847 --> 00:06:24,786 - My baby boy! - Thanks for your time. 104 00:06:24,786 --> 00:06:25,938 You come back home, man. 105 00:06:25,938 --> 00:06:27,851 - I missed you so much, little man! - Okay, hey, stop it. 106 00:06:27,876 --> 00:06:28,820 Stop... get off, get off! 107 00:06:28,820 --> 00:06:31,526 - Just get off... get off! - Get off, wha... oh, hey. 108 00:06:31,790 --> 00:06:32,845 Oh. 109 00:06:37,084 --> 00:06:39,988 When I first came to your door, you wouldn't even acknow... 110 00:07:03,543 --> 00:07:04,810 - Okay. - Okay. 111 00:07:04,878 --> 00:07:06,384 You know what? When I first came in here... 112 00:07:06,395 --> 00:07:07,926 - I first came in here... - Stop that! 113 00:07:09,422 --> 00:07:12,373 When I first came in here, you wouldn't even acknowledge 114 00:07:12,413 --> 00:07:14,280 that I could possibly be your son. 115 00:07:14,321 --> 00:07:16,422 But now, only after I tell you 116 00:07:16,490 --> 00:07:18,527 that I have my own show on Comedy Central... 117 00:07:18,625 --> 00:07:21,101 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Comedy Central? 118 00:07:22,763 --> 00:07:24,997 Get the [bleep] out of my house! 119 00:07:29,849 --> 00:07:30,978 So, uh, 120 00:07:31,081 --> 00:07:34,280 Keegan and I are... we're fans of gay people. 121 00:07:34,308 --> 00:07:36,255 - We love gay people. - Our gay brothers and sisters. 122 00:07:36,255 --> 00:07:37,349 Yep, where are my gay people? 123 00:07:37,349 --> 00:07:38,744 - In the house. - Oh, here's... 124 00:07:38,776 --> 00:07:40,288 You guys need one of these too. 125 00:07:40,333 --> 00:07:41,882 - There he is, okay. - You guys need one of the... 126 00:07:41,914 --> 00:07:43,048 Maybe that one? 127 00:07:43,089 --> 00:07:44,656 You... you deserve one. 128 00:07:44,696 --> 00:07:47,464 You know, gay people say you're born gay, you know, you... 129 00:07:47,504 --> 00:07:48,771 - It's not a choice. - Right. 130 00:07:48,838 --> 00:07:50,646 I believe that, but, you know, some... you know, 131 00:07:50,718 --> 00:07:53,053 you're not born gaaay! 132 00:07:53,260 --> 00:07:55,127 - You're not born doing that. - That's true. 133 00:07:55,195 --> 00:07:56,662 You're not born doing that. 134 00:07:56,730 --> 00:07:58,364 That's training. 135 00:07:58,432 --> 00:07:59,865 That's conditioning and training. 136 00:07:59,933 --> 00:08:02,170 No one was giving birth and [bleep] jazz hands came out. 137 00:08:02,208 --> 00:08:04,622 There was no... 138 00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:08,496 That doesn't happen. You have to learn some things. 139 00:08:08,508 --> 00:08:10,443 Oh, man. It doesn't. 140 00:08:10,454 --> 00:08:12,255 - Here, check that... - Check this out. 141 00:08:17,184 --> 00:08:19,202 I'm going to be honest with you, Samuel. 142 00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:21,574 Adoption can be a long, difficult process. 143 00:08:21,588 --> 00:08:24,217 I'm sorry, we should probably wait for my partner. 144 00:08:24,319 --> 00:08:25,637 - Okay. - He should be here any second. 145 00:08:25,670 --> 00:08:27,680 We havin' a baby! 146 00:08:27,743 --> 00:08:29,918 ♪ We havin' a baby! ♪ 147 00:08:29,957 --> 00:08:33,138 ♪ We gonna raise it, and feed it, and change it ♪ 148 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:35,835 ♪ And dress it up like a peapod ♪ 149 00:08:35,902 --> 00:08:37,241 Hello, Sammy. 150 00:08:37,460 --> 00:08:39,076 You must be LaShawn. 151 00:08:39,172 --> 00:08:40,991 Ooh! You must be "LeCorrect." 152 00:08:42,375 --> 00:08:46,268 Okay, well, we were just discussing your options for adoption. 153 00:08:46,281 --> 00:08:48,882 And how difficult it is to actually be approved. 154 00:08:48,882 --> 00:08:50,549 Oh, well you can just put us on the list 155 00:08:50,617 --> 00:08:52,979 with a gold star and a check and a "A+" 156 00:08:52,992 --> 00:08:56,401 because we want this baby, like, yester-doodle. 157 00:08:56,409 --> 00:08:58,224 Well, as I told your husband, 158 00:08:58,291 --> 00:09:00,246 it can be an extremely long waiting period. 159 00:09:00,269 --> 00:09:03,708 Right, right. And it's even hard for straight couples to adopt, so... 160 00:09:03,757 --> 00:09:07,143 Well, you tell them baby people that we are going to be 161 00:09:07,173 --> 00:09:08,368 the best parents ever. 162 00:09:08,368 --> 00:09:10,369 Because we gonna be strict, but also fun. 163 00:09:10,437 --> 00:09:12,605 Like, for instance, everybody gonna have to clean up 164 00:09:12,672 --> 00:09:14,340 after Tuesday night Dress-up Parade. 165 00:09:14,407 --> 00:09:16,375 I... do not know what that is. 166 00:09:16,430 --> 00:09:17,444 I... 167 00:09:17,444 --> 00:09:19,054 Oh, every day gonna have a different theme. 168 00:09:19,093 --> 00:09:20,279 - Is it? - So, for instance, 169 00:09:20,347 --> 00:09:22,653 Monday, that's gonna be "Under the Sea" day. 170 00:09:22,665 --> 00:09:24,633 Tuesday, that's gonna be "Dress-up Parade." 171 00:09:24,701 --> 00:09:27,049 Wednesday gonna be based on the Chinese calendar. 172 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:29,688 Thursday gonna be ♪ "Sing What Ya Doing" day. ♪ 173 00:09:29,756 --> 00:09:31,382 - Okay, and you know, actually... - And then Friday... 174 00:09:31,393 --> 00:09:34,392 It might be very difficult when you actually have kids, LaShawn. 175 00:09:34,421 --> 00:09:36,855 Kids? Do you want to adopt more than one child? 176 00:09:36,897 --> 00:09:40,065 - Absolutely not! - Absolutely-tutely! 177 00:09:40,383 --> 00:09:41,884 It can speed things up 178 00:09:41,884 --> 00:09:44,181 if you're willing to adopt siblings together. 179 00:09:44,181 --> 00:09:46,287 - Sammy, we can get a set. - Why? 180 00:09:46,772 --> 00:09:49,941 - Sammy, we can get a set! - We're not getting a set. 181 00:09:49,974 --> 00:09:51,710 Ooh! (clicks tongue) 182 00:09:51,778 --> 00:09:53,579 We could dress them up like companion objects. 183 00:09:53,647 --> 00:09:55,514 Like a bat and a ball, or a kite in the wind. 184 00:09:55,582 --> 00:09:57,441 See? LaShawn gets carried away, so... 185 00:09:57,470 --> 00:09:59,585 If you really want to expedite the process, 186 00:09:59,653 --> 00:10:01,444 you could adopt a special needs baby. 187 00:10:01,444 --> 00:10:03,523 - Miss, you are killing me here! - Yes! 188 00:10:03,523 --> 00:10:06,295 Yes, that's what we want. A special needs kid, 189 00:10:06,369 --> 00:10:08,761 preferably one with white eyes and can tell the future. 190 00:10:08,828 --> 00:10:10,771 Okay, so now we're getting a special needs kid. 191 00:10:10,808 --> 00:10:12,275 Uh, LaShawn, there's a lot of extra cost 192 00:10:12,398 --> 00:10:13,765 When you get a disabled child, 193 00:10:13,817 --> 00:10:15,251 because that's what, actually, "special needs" means. 194 00:10:15,251 --> 00:10:17,383 Come on. We ain't never gonna have to worry about money again! 195 00:10:17,419 --> 00:10:18,519 How is that possible? 196 00:10:18,560 --> 00:10:19,860 'cause we gonna start a family band, 197 00:10:19,872 --> 00:10:21,291 Called "LaShawn and the Sam-Sations." 198 00:10:21,308 --> 00:10:24,410 And, ooh! How many times can you change a child's name? 199 00:10:24,477 --> 00:10:25,778 Because I have this system. 200 00:10:25,845 --> 00:10:27,936 And it's a little bit of an out-there idea, 201 00:10:27,948 --> 00:10:30,349 but I think if you really set up a system 202 00:10:30,417 --> 00:10:33,218 where if you do something good, you get a better name. 203 00:10:33,314 --> 00:10:35,013 So if your name is Allister one day, 204 00:10:35,048 --> 00:10:36,816 you do something good, your name could be Popeye. 205 00:10:37,924 --> 00:10:39,091 And that's what we here to say, 206 00:10:39,159 --> 00:10:41,994 Is that we are the New Black Panther Party. 207 00:10:42,062 --> 00:10:44,863 What's the biggest problem facing the movement? 208 00:10:44,931 --> 00:10:47,199 Well, you know, we supposed to be in this era 209 00:10:47,267 --> 00:10:49,621 of so-called "post-racial harmony", 210 00:10:49,635 --> 00:10:51,704 with all people in America. 211 00:10:51,771 --> 00:10:54,873 But us blacks are being murdered all over the place, 212 00:10:54,912 --> 00:10:58,310 and we get the same treatment time and time again. 213 00:10:58,378 --> 00:11:00,312 We're not even second-class citizens. 214 00:11:00,380 --> 00:11:03,949 We third-class. Stand up, black America, 215 00:11:04,017 --> 00:11:05,994 and declare to white America 216 00:11:06,054 --> 00:11:08,854 that we aren't gonna take this no more, okay? 217 00:11:08,922 --> 00:11:11,190 - Why come out now and say this? - You know what? 218 00:11:11,367 --> 00:11:15,260 You had 400 years to get it right, America. 219 00:11:15,328 --> 00:11:17,296 But you don't know how to treat your people. 220 00:11:17,364 --> 00:11:20,065 All people. It's time to stand up. 221 00:11:20,133 --> 00:11:23,989 It's time to take back. It's time for us to fight back. 222 00:11:24,337 --> 00:11:26,585 And we don't take your phony words anymore. 223 00:11:26,620 --> 00:11:29,580 We're not gonna do it. We want concrete results. 224 00:11:30,010 --> 00:11:32,069 You know, you... you hear what we're saying to you, 225 00:11:32,163 --> 00:11:34,346 "United Snakes of America"? 226 00:11:34,414 --> 00:11:37,282 What are you supposed to do when the whole world is watching 227 00:11:37,350 --> 00:11:39,551 And no-one is saying anything? 228 00:11:39,843 --> 00:11:42,254 We will not be silent. 229 00:11:42,322 --> 00:11:45,044 Okay, you, sir. Anything you wanted to say? 230 00:11:46,259 --> 00:11:47,747 Oh, me? No, I'm good. 231 00:11:58,738 --> 00:12:00,447 Oh, damn! 232 00:12:02,642 --> 00:12:04,452 Check that [bleep] out. 233 00:12:07,174 --> 00:12:11,083 - What is that? - Whoo! 234 00:12:11,151 --> 00:12:12,698 I didn't know they made 'em like that. 235 00:12:14,198 --> 00:12:16,909 I don't even understand what I'm seeing. 236 00:12:16,969 --> 00:12:19,308 Mm. Whoo-whoo! 237 00:12:19,993 --> 00:12:21,794 I would love to see what's under there. 238 00:12:22,085 --> 00:12:25,300 I am really curious about that. 239 00:12:26,014 --> 00:12:27,850 Yeah, dog, yeah. 240 00:12:28,445 --> 00:12:32,404 - I mean, I have no idea. - Well, you know, we, uh... 241 00:12:32,472 --> 00:12:35,612 We obviously have some idea, you know? 242 00:12:37,077 --> 00:12:38,421 I don't. 243 00:12:39,612 --> 00:12:42,726 Well, you know, it's, uh... you know, it's a coochie, baby. 244 00:12:43,717 --> 00:12:46,235 Yeah. Or something. 245 00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:49,655 Uh, no, no, no, man. 246 00:12:49,804 --> 00:12:52,825 It's... It's definitely her lady parts. (laughs) 247 00:12:52,892 --> 00:12:56,245 Or, maybe it's just more skin. 248 00:12:57,263 --> 00:12:59,965 Nope. It... it's a vagina. 249 00:13:00,129 --> 00:13:01,230 Yeah. 250 00:13:01,616 --> 00:13:05,075 Or, maybe it's a little face under there. 251 00:13:05,992 --> 00:13:07,389 Uh, no. 252 00:13:07,585 --> 00:13:10,826 No, it's... it's definitely gonna be a vagina. 253 00:13:11,056 --> 00:13:12,211 Why? 254 00:13:12,663 --> 00:13:15,881 Be... because she's a girl, and girls have vaginas, man. 255 00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:18,980 What is that? 256 00:13:19,366 --> 00:13:20,853 What is a vagina? 257 00:13:21,226 --> 00:13:23,461 It's a woman's reproductive organ. 258 00:13:23,794 --> 00:13:26,102 Wha... are you being serious right now? 259 00:13:32,003 --> 00:13:34,719 Thank you. That is all I require. 260 00:13:37,704 --> 00:13:39,238 Oh! 261 00:13:41,253 --> 00:13:44,158 There's aliens! There's a alien down there. 262 00:13:49,817 --> 00:13:51,798 Something I've always enjoyed in African American culture 263 00:13:51,802 --> 00:13:53,208 - is the barbershop. - Oh, yeah. 264 00:13:53,219 --> 00:13:55,090 The barbershop is a very big part of our culture. 265 00:13:55,114 --> 00:13:56,814 I haven't been to one in quite some time. 266 00:13:56,882 --> 00:13:58,049 But, um... 267 00:13:58,117 --> 00:13:59,651 - The black barbershop is... - Mm-hmm. 268 00:13:59,718 --> 00:14:01,653 That's the social cent... the core... 269 00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:04,475 Of a community, very often. Certainly for the men. 270 00:14:04,506 --> 00:14:06,012 - Yeah. - And what's so bad is that I wish 271 00:14:06,074 --> 00:14:08,396 just... I just wish other businesses could get in on the fun. 272 00:14:08,427 --> 00:14:12,555 Yeah. So we sympathize with, uh, businesses in the black community 273 00:14:12,569 --> 00:14:13,821 that aren't the barbershop. 274 00:14:13,821 --> 00:14:16,184 The barbershop is always the most enviable business, so... 275 00:14:16,224 --> 00:14:17,624 - Yes. Here we go. - Yes, we take you here. 276 00:14:25,811 --> 00:14:27,111 - Hey, Uncle Ted. - Ah! 277 00:14:27,179 --> 00:14:28,613 Oh, geez. Whoo! 278 00:14:28,681 --> 00:14:31,182 - Sorry, Uncle Ted, man. - Oh, Keith. 279 00:14:31,250 --> 00:14:33,617 - I got you, didn't I? - Yeah, you got me, man. 280 00:14:33,651 --> 00:14:35,420 - You got me pretty good. - Oh. 281 00:14:35,487 --> 00:14:36,754 So what's going on today? 282 00:14:36,822 --> 00:14:39,390 Oh, just the usual, young buck. 283 00:14:39,458 --> 00:14:41,916 Just another day at the laundromat. 284 00:14:41,949 --> 00:14:43,633 - Yeah. - Why, people come in, 285 00:14:43,729 --> 00:14:45,196 they do their laundry, 286 00:14:45,264 --> 00:14:48,566 we chat it up about some of the topics of the day. 287 00:14:49,688 --> 00:14:53,385 That's just another day hanging at the 'mat. 288 00:14:58,043 --> 00:15:00,345 I wonder what's going on in the barbershop today? 289 00:15:00,412 --> 00:15:02,923 Sure looks like they're having fun over there. 290 00:15:06,118 --> 00:15:07,992 Forget all that, kid. 291 00:15:08,454 --> 00:15:10,715 Come on, we got our own assortment 292 00:15:10,779 --> 00:15:13,391 of colorful characters right here in the 'mat! 293 00:15:13,459 --> 00:15:14,692 Come on. 294 00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:17,362 Hey, there. You need any more quarters? 295 00:15:17,429 --> 00:15:18,645 Nope. 296 00:15:21,325 --> 00:15:24,302 Okay. Okay, hilarious. 297 00:15:24,370 --> 00:15:27,338 Oh! Hey there, Ms. Demetrius. 298 00:15:27,406 --> 00:15:29,439 You need some more quarters? 299 00:15:30,376 --> 00:15:32,610 Oh-ho, she didn't hear me. 300 00:15:32,678 --> 00:15:34,946 That's part of the problem, Uncle Ted. 301 00:15:35,014 --> 00:15:37,815 You know, all that noise up in here from the machines running, 302 00:15:37,883 --> 00:15:39,476 and it's kind of hot. 303 00:15:40,443 --> 00:15:43,709 Loud and hot? Sound like my old lady. 304 00:15:52,865 --> 00:15:54,565 Billy Dee Williams is in there now. 305 00:15:54,633 --> 00:15:56,301 He's Lando Calrissian. 306 00:15:56,368 --> 00:15:57,802 He runs Cloud City. 307 00:15:57,870 --> 00:15:59,671 Oh! 308 00:15:59,738 --> 00:16:02,161 - Yeah, baby! - All right! 309 00:16:03,321 --> 00:16:07,178 But, uh, damn it, Keith! What I tell ya? 310 00:16:07,246 --> 00:16:10,608 We got it going on right here at the 'mat, baby! 311 00:16:12,017 --> 00:16:14,949 Uncle Ted, I gotta tell you something. 312 00:16:16,889 --> 00:16:18,960 I got my own washer and dryer months ago. 313 00:16:19,859 --> 00:16:21,326 I just keep hanging out here 314 00:16:21,393 --> 00:16:23,605 'cause I didn't want you to feel bad. 315 00:16:24,430 --> 00:16:26,523 Oh, you didn't want me to feel bad. 316 00:16:27,599 --> 00:16:30,095 Got your own washer and dryer. All right. 317 00:16:31,003 --> 00:16:34,572 Oh, you're big-timing me now. Okay, I see how it is. 318 00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:36,774 Hey, well, your shirt ain't clean, 319 00:16:36,842 --> 00:16:38,599 Your pants ain't clean. 320 00:16:40,012 --> 00:16:43,489 You can't get a good wash on one of them home washer-and-dryers. 321 00:16:43,522 --> 00:16:46,818 Uncle Ted. I'm... I'm going. 322 00:16:46,885 --> 00:16:49,020 Uh, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait. 323 00:16:49,088 --> 00:16:51,189 Let's have some fun. Let's have some fun! 324 00:16:51,256 --> 00:16:53,445 We... you can get in one of the laundry carts 325 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:54,826 and I can push you around! 326 00:16:54,893 --> 00:16:57,671 Nope. I'm out of here. 327 00:16:59,164 --> 00:17:01,866 Don't⦠wait... wait, wait, wait. 328 00:17:01,934 --> 00:17:04,001 Hold on there, Keith. Keith! 329 00:17:05,571 --> 00:17:08,539 And if that don't work, then you do a little tap dance. 330 00:17:08,857 --> 00:17:11,359 And then you go, I'm your man. 331 00:17:11,398 --> 00:17:13,000 I'm your man! 332 00:17:14,836 --> 00:17:15,969 All right. 333 00:17:16,012 --> 00:17:17,782 Welcome to the barbershop, young man. 334 00:17:17,850 --> 00:17:20,550 - You're Billy Dee Williams. - Yeah, yeah, how you doing? 335 00:17:20,608 --> 00:17:21,959 I'm good, thank you so much, man. 336 00:17:21,959 --> 00:17:22,992 All right, could you do me a favor? 337 00:17:23,060 --> 00:17:24,527 - Yeah. - Could you let go of my hand? 338 00:17:26,625 --> 00:17:30,064 Okay. Oh, thanks, man. 339 00:17:30,662 --> 00:17:32,799 Oh, how you doing, man? 340 00:17:45,693 --> 00:17:47,643 I have a friend... I have a friend that, literally, 341 00:17:47,693 --> 00:17:49,510 like, he'll go into a room and it's like... 342 00:17:49,552 --> 00:17:51,086 He... he's getting ready for an hour. 343 00:17:51,127 --> 00:17:52,826 And he comes out, he's got on a white t-shirt, 344 00:17:52,834 --> 00:17:54,748 jeans, and a hat. 345 00:17:55,244 --> 00:17:57,209 What the [bleep] were you doing for an hour? 346 00:17:57,277 --> 00:17:58,543 Oh, yeah? 347 00:17:58,576 --> 00:18:00,232 - It's... you know what I mean? - Yeah. 348 00:18:00,287 --> 00:18:01,988 It takes me, like, 15 minutes to get a suit on. 349 00:18:02,056 --> 00:18:03,698 - That's right. - He's just in there going... 350 00:18:03,762 --> 00:18:06,709 Some dudes... some brothers are vain. Some brothers are vain. 351 00:18:06,722 --> 00:18:08,995 They're all, "Oh, [bleep], man, some dust got on my shoes. 352 00:18:09,063 --> 00:18:11,164 "There are ruined! Oh, these are ruined. 353 00:18:11,231 --> 00:18:13,351 "Gotta go get some more sneakers right now." 354 00:18:14,568 --> 00:18:15,568 - So, yeah. - But that's what 355 00:18:15,636 --> 00:18:16,703 the scene is about... style. 356 00:18:16,770 --> 00:18:18,201 - It's about style, yeah. - Yeah. 357 00:18:20,313 --> 00:18:21,980 In what universe is The Family Circus 358 00:18:21,992 --> 00:18:24,172 better than Dilbert? For instance... Oh. 359 00:18:24,217 --> 00:18:25,979 Yo, what's up, man? How you... 360 00:18:26,714 --> 00:18:29,215 - been? - Oh, you know, cuz. 361 00:18:29,283 --> 00:18:30,616 Keepin' it straight. 362 00:18:44,465 --> 00:18:47,000 - You know. - All right, cool. 363 00:18:47,067 --> 00:18:49,602 Well, I guess I'll check you later. 364 00:18:49,725 --> 00:18:51,610 All right, dog. 365 00:18:59,548 --> 00:19:01,425 What you should have seen was Rain People, 366 00:19:01,465 --> 00:19:03,899 with James Caan and Shirley Knight. 367 00:19:03,911 --> 00:19:04,669 Yo. 368 00:19:07,788 --> 00:19:09,248 Uh, what's up, man? 369 00:19:15,129 --> 00:19:16,342 You got something to say? 370 00:19:16,591 --> 00:19:18,033 Yeah, man, um... 371 00:19:21,233 --> 00:19:22,235 How's Denise? 372 00:19:22,302 --> 00:19:25,099 Oh, yeah, Denise. She good, she good, she good. 373 00:19:25,806 --> 00:19:28,875 Anyway, guess I'll catch you on the flip. 374 00:19:28,942 --> 00:19:30,810 Yeah, dog, yeah. Ain't no thing. 375 00:19:30,878 --> 00:19:32,145 Come on, stick it. 376 00:19:32,211 --> 00:19:33,405 - I'm in there, dog. - Come on. 377 00:19:33,405 --> 00:19:34,714 No, I'm in there, dog. I'm in there. 378 00:19:34,782 --> 00:19:36,048 - Tuck it. - I'm in there. 379 00:19:36,116 --> 00:19:37,700 - Tuck it. - I'm tuckin' it in, brother. 380 00:19:37,790 --> 00:19:39,766 I'm in there, dog. I'm in there, dog. I'm in there, dog. 381 00:19:40,821 --> 00:19:42,339 You know. All right. 382 00:20:08,015 --> 00:20:09,380 Oh. 383 00:20:11,018 --> 00:20:13,119 Huh, anyway, you know, you gotta come real, 384 00:20:13,187 --> 00:20:15,521 come correct, when you coming at all, you know? 385 00:20:16,820 --> 00:20:18,324 That's basically how I roll. 386 00:20:18,392 --> 00:20:21,561 If you ain't got... if you ain't⦠387 00:20:23,397 --> 00:20:26,556 Oh, my God. That's my [bleep]. 388 00:20:30,270 --> 00:20:31,938 Come here. Get this. 389 00:20:32,005 --> 00:20:33,506 - He's having problems. - He's having problems. 390 00:20:33,574 --> 00:20:35,508 - He is having problems. - We gotta get this brother... 391 00:20:35,576 --> 00:20:36,809 - This brother is weeping. - He's weeping. 392 00:20:36,877 --> 00:20:38,044 - Are you okay? - He's weeping. 393 00:20:38,111 --> 00:20:40,631 This mother[bleep] is... 394 00:20:42,683 --> 00:20:44,412 Come back to us! 395 00:20:44,962 --> 00:20:47,893 My man is... My man is crying. 396 00:20:48,155 --> 00:20:49,512 - Oh. - Oh, my... 397 00:20:49,546 --> 00:20:50,962 Thank you guys so much for everything. 398 00:20:51,086 --> 00:20:52,437 Thanks for coming out, everybody! 399 00:20:59,171 --> 00:21:01,940 ♪ I'm gonna do my one line here ♪ 400 00:21:02,229 --> 00:21:04,085 Oh, yeah. 30143

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