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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,808 --> 00:00:08,868 Okay, this is it. Any questions? 2 00:00:13,598 --> 00:00:16,108 Everybody knows what they're doing, right? 3 00:00:16,478 --> 00:00:18,618 'cause we got one shot at this. 4 00:00:19,608 --> 00:00:22,518 There's no dumb questions, you guys. 5 00:00:24,798 --> 00:00:26,768 Did you have a question? No? 6 00:00:26,828 --> 00:00:30,338 So all you guys know exactly what your job is. 7 00:00:31,758 --> 00:00:34,088 Okay, so, on my count. 8 00:00:34,978 --> 00:00:37,818 Three, two, one. 9 00:00:38,848 --> 00:00:41,578 Go, go, go, go! 10 00:00:41,648 --> 00:00:43,074 Whoa! 11 00:00:49,788 --> 00:00:50,898 Yah! 12 00:00:51,438 --> 00:00:52,508 Unbelievable. 13 00:01:15,568 --> 00:01:18,978 Whoo! Hello! 14 00:01:19,408 --> 00:01:21,608 ♪ Hello ♪ 15 00:01:24,618 --> 00:01:27,018 Thanks for coming out. I'm Keegan-Michael Key. 16 00:01:27,148 --> 00:01:28,808 - I'm Jordan Peele. - And we are Key and Peele. 17 00:01:28,888 --> 00:01:30,588 Welcome. 18 00:01:30,678 --> 00:01:32,378 Thank you so much. 19 00:01:34,876 --> 00:01:36,188 So... 20 00:01:36,256 --> 00:01:38,416 - Sometimes I get the giggles. - You get the giggles? 21 00:01:38,456 --> 00:01:39,796 I get the giggles when we're doing this. 22 00:01:39,796 --> 00:01:41,456 Brother, you were born with the giggles, man. 23 00:01:41,496 --> 00:01:42,526 I came out of the womb... 24 00:01:42,576 --> 00:01:44,076 giggling. 25 00:01:44,496 --> 00:01:46,706 - Giggling. - It's hilarious in there! 26 00:01:48,106 --> 00:01:50,216 The best laughter and the hardest to not laugh 27 00:01:50,246 --> 00:01:51,446 is when you're not supposed to laugh. 28 00:01:51,476 --> 00:01:52,776 Right, exactly. That's like... 29 00:01:52,796 --> 00:01:55,186 And you guys be just laughing just in church for no reason. 30 00:01:55,206 --> 00:01:56,606 Church is a deathtrap. 31 00:01:58,076 --> 00:02:00,206 Or the worst is when you're getting the giggles... 32 00:02:00,236 --> 00:02:02,716 And the wor... is when the priest or the minister says this... 33 00:02:02,746 --> 00:02:05,286 "Because the Lord is inside of you." 34 00:02:07,256 --> 00:02:08,736 He'll go, "why are you laughing?" 35 00:02:08,766 --> 00:02:10,586 - Don't laugh. Yeah. - I'm sorry. 36 00:02:10,626 --> 00:02:11,576 It's wor... it's the worst. 37 00:02:11,606 --> 00:02:14,306 Are you... are you the type of guy who... you cry at a movie? 38 00:02:14,326 --> 00:02:16,996 - I cry buckets at movies. - At like... 39 00:02:17,046 --> 00:02:18,546 - At comedies I cry. - No, no... 40 00:02:18,566 --> 00:02:20,256 'cause I... "I could've got that job." 41 00:02:20,276 --> 00:02:22,076 So, your wife... 42 00:02:22,616 --> 00:02:25,296 So, you just cry out in the open if you're sitting next to your wife. 43 00:02:25,386 --> 00:02:28,816 Oh yeah... If I'm... if I... if a tear is about to come down my face, 44 00:02:28,846 --> 00:02:29,906 I'm at a sad movie, 45 00:02:30,226 --> 00:02:32,586 I'll just be using gravity on this mother-[bleep] to spill it out. 46 00:02:35,506 --> 00:02:37,506 What? Sir, are you having a hard time hearing the film? 47 00:02:37,526 --> 00:02:39,486 No, I-I was looking 'cause you got a beautiful ceiling. 48 00:02:39,536 --> 00:02:41,056 - Oh, thank you very much. - Craftsmanship up there. 49 00:02:41,076 --> 00:02:42,246 I appreciate it, yeah, yeah. 50 00:02:42,286 --> 00:02:43,626 I'm sorry, baby, hold on a second, baby, 51 00:02:43,666 --> 00:02:45,106 Hold on a second, baby, I'm just looking at the ceiling. 52 00:02:46,096 --> 00:02:48,426 Carvell thanks you for coming. 53 00:02:49,858 --> 00:02:51,766 First order of business, I'm sure you all 54 00:02:51,916 --> 00:02:54,376 heard that Twigs got pulled out the river this morning. 55 00:02:54,386 --> 00:02:56,016 It ain't no secret 56 00:02:56,116 --> 00:02:58,656 that he and Carvell grew up in the hood together. 57 00:02:58,686 --> 00:03:00,716 So listen up. 58 00:03:00,826 --> 00:03:03,666 'cause Carvell about to say some words. 59 00:03:11,706 --> 00:03:13,436 Okay, you know what? 60 00:03:13,576 --> 00:03:15,996 Don't none of you look at them tears 61 00:03:16,096 --> 00:03:17,786 and think that [bleep] is funny. 62 00:03:17,926 --> 00:03:22,096 Because it takes a big [bleep] man to cry in front of his crew. 63 00:03:24,396 --> 00:03:25,798 Go ahead, Carvell. 64 00:03:29,016 --> 00:03:31,756 Y'all know Twigs was my boy. 65 00:03:33,586 --> 00:03:36,286 Back in the day, 66 00:03:36,676 --> 00:03:39,576 we used to pretend the sofa cushions was a fort. 67 00:03:39,896 --> 00:03:41,721 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 68 00:03:42,996 --> 00:03:45,566 And we used to pretend that the floor was molten lava. 69 00:03:45,636 --> 00:03:46,696 Oh... 70 00:03:48,796 --> 00:03:51,056 Okay, you know what, though? 71 00:03:51,736 --> 00:03:55,106 There ain't nothing funny 'bout that. 72 00:03:55,176 --> 00:03:57,046 Of course this man is crying. 73 00:03:57,106 --> 00:04:01,576 'cause he and Twigs was kids together. Okay? 74 00:04:01,646 --> 00:04:02,886 You know what I mean? 75 00:04:02,946 --> 00:04:04,686 They was best friends forever and [bleep]. 76 00:04:06,503 --> 00:04:08,686 Go ahead, Carvell. 77 00:04:09,116 --> 00:04:11,846 We used to play Care Bears. 78 00:04:11,916 --> 00:04:14,716 Mmm-hmm. Hmm-hmm. 79 00:04:16,146 --> 00:04:20,026 Twigs and I would spend the good part of an afternoon 80 00:04:20,086 --> 00:04:24,006 trying to figure out which C-C-Care Bear we was. 81 00:04:24,156 --> 00:04:26,986 Oh, oh... 82 00:04:28,076 --> 00:04:29,376 Oh... 83 00:04:29,406 --> 00:04:31,806 I wish one of y'all mother-[bleep] 84 00:04:31,906 --> 00:04:33,486 would just start laughing, 85 00:04:33,546 --> 00:04:36,826 'cause you all know you think this [bleep] is funny. 86 00:04:36,896 --> 00:04:40,856 Carvell over here, blubbering and talking 'bout Care Bears. 87 00:04:40,966 --> 00:04:43,596 But you know what? 88 00:04:46,476 --> 00:04:48,206 But you... 89 00:04:53,596 --> 00:04:56,806 Those are manly tears! Okay? 90 00:04:57,086 --> 00:04:59,726 Those some manly-ass tears 91 00:04:59,786 --> 00:05:01,606 right there that you lookin' at! 92 00:05:02,446 --> 00:05:04,406 Go ahead, Carvell. 93 00:05:06,046 --> 00:05:07,346 And then... 94 00:05:07,416 --> 00:05:11,016 And then... and then... and then... and... and... and... 95 00:05:13,666 --> 00:05:14,746 Mm, I'm sorry, man. 96 00:05:14,766 --> 00:05:16,876 That was a weird-ass sneeze I just did right there. 97 00:05:16,886 --> 00:05:17,576 God damn it. 98 00:05:17,606 --> 00:05:20,296 Can a brother get some [bleep] claritin up in here? 99 00:05:25,546 --> 00:05:27,116 Go ahead, Carvell. 100 00:05:27,866 --> 00:05:31,406 Twigs always fancied himself Share Bear. 101 00:05:31,446 --> 00:05:33,396 Mm... 102 00:05:35,796 --> 00:05:36,726 I always... 103 00:05:36,886 --> 00:05:39,426 I always thought... thought of myself 104 00:05:39,626 --> 00:05:41,516 thought of myself as more of a Funshine Bear. 105 00:05:41,586 --> 00:05:42,706 Mm... okay. 106 00:05:42,746 --> 00:05:46,536 Okay, all you [bleep] need to respect that right there! 107 00:05:46,586 --> 00:05:49,626 Okay? Y'all need to listen to Funshi... 108 00:05:57,716 --> 00:05:59,896 I'm so... I'm sorry, man. 109 00:05:59,936 --> 00:06:02,306 You a Funshine Bear, man. I'm sorry, that... 110 00:06:02,786 --> 00:06:04,928 That is some funny [bleep]. 111 00:06:08,031 --> 00:06:09,756 Whoa, whoa. 112 00:06:13,376 --> 00:06:15,376 All right. Let's go sell some crack. 113 00:06:21,486 --> 00:06:23,226 Jahari, my friend. 114 00:06:23,446 --> 00:06:25,596 There are a lot of beautiful women out here today. 115 00:06:25,596 --> 00:06:26,676 Yeah. 116 00:06:26,696 --> 00:06:29,096 Karim, my friend, you speak the truth. 117 00:06:29,226 --> 00:06:31,666 Well, I do what I can. 118 00:06:31,726 --> 00:06:33,296 - Ooh. - Oh... 119 00:06:33,296 --> 00:06:34,186 - Wow. - Right? 120 00:06:34,186 --> 00:06:35,786 - Ha-ha. - Blip. 121 00:06:35,786 --> 00:06:37,486 Sha-bloimps. 122 00:06:37,496 --> 00:06:39,936 You know, I caught a little glimpse of her foot nut. 123 00:06:40,977 --> 00:06:42,266 You saw ankle bone? 124 00:06:42,266 --> 00:06:43,076 Well... 125 00:06:43,126 --> 00:06:45,256 Got some ankle cleavage, you dirty devil, huh? 126 00:06:45,306 --> 00:06:46,876 - You saw? - God, I saw. 127 00:06:52,486 --> 00:06:53,416 Very good, very good... 128 00:06:58,926 --> 00:07:00,626 Mm. 129 00:07:01,176 --> 00:07:02,976 - Hmm-hmm. - Oh... 130 00:07:03,046 --> 00:07:04,746 Dude, did you see the bridge on that nose? 131 00:07:04,966 --> 00:07:07,036 I mean, if it is any indication... 132 00:07:07,076 --> 00:07:09,746 - Wow. - Hhh-holy garbanzo beans. 133 00:07:09,756 --> 00:07:12,546 I'll tell you what. That is a bridge I'd like to cross. 134 00:07:15,576 --> 00:07:17,876 This is my boy. This is my boy. 135 00:07:18,901 --> 00:07:20,316 This is my boy. 136 00:07:21,386 --> 00:07:22,756 Oh. 137 00:07:27,216 --> 00:07:28,556 Hmm. 138 00:07:30,676 --> 00:07:32,806 - Not a lot to go on there. - Not really. Not really. 139 00:07:33,156 --> 00:07:34,226 - Good height. - Good height. 140 00:07:34,266 --> 00:07:35,486 - Good height. - Crazy tall. 141 00:07:36,196 --> 00:07:38,126 Yeah, like 5'9". 142 00:07:38,326 --> 00:07:40,036 Heh... 143 00:07:40,596 --> 00:07:43,466 Come on. Come on. Come on. 144 00:07:44,146 --> 00:07:46,656 Come on. She's tall. She's tall. She's tall. 145 00:07:46,686 --> 00:07:48,756 That's right. She's tall. There's nothing to be done. 146 00:07:48,796 --> 00:07:50,196 Getting wet. Let me see... 147 00:07:50,296 --> 00:07:52,926 Let me see it from behind. Let me see it from behind. 148 00:07:53,096 --> 00:07:54,896 That's how you hit it. That's how you hit it. 149 00:07:54,896 --> 00:07:56,876 Jahari, can I tell you something in confidence right now? 150 00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:58,396 Okay. 151 00:07:58,426 --> 00:07:59,286 I'm a virgin. 152 00:08:04,606 --> 00:08:07,076 I went down to Georgia a couple years ago, 153 00:08:07,166 --> 00:08:08,966 and I was just... oh... 154 00:08:09,106 --> 00:08:10,276 It's not funny, it's just... 155 00:08:10,316 --> 00:08:12,986 - That's... - just... just a fact. 156 00:08:13,036 --> 00:08:15,336 It's just what happened. 157 00:08:15,396 --> 00:08:16,696 Trying to get to the funny part. 158 00:08:18,126 --> 00:08:20,256 White people come up to you. "Hey. 159 00:08:21,066 --> 00:08:24,956 "So, you like Darius, huh? You like Darius?" 160 00:08:25,336 --> 00:08:27,226 "What the [bleep]? Darius? What are you talking to me..." 161 00:08:27,246 --> 00:08:29,376 - "You like Darius?" - Darius Rucker? 162 00:08:29,426 --> 00:08:30,796 "Hootie, man. Hootie. 163 00:08:30,806 --> 00:08:31,846 Hootie, man. Don't you love Hootie? 164 00:08:31,866 --> 00:08:33,026 He's huge down there. 165 00:08:33,096 --> 00:08:34,856 He's enormous. As a country star. 166 00:08:34,876 --> 00:08:36,046 Darius Rucker. Huge down there. 167 00:08:36,086 --> 00:08:37,876 There's only like three ever. Charley Pride, 168 00:08:38,326 --> 00:08:39,476 Darius Rucker... 169 00:08:40,666 --> 00:08:41,836 There's only two. 170 00:08:41,836 --> 00:08:43,006 There's two of 'em. 171 00:08:44,676 --> 00:08:48,106 Ladies and gentlemen, Darius Rucker. 172 00:09:02,016 --> 00:09:04,316 ♪ Don't go out with my friends no more ♪ 173 00:09:04,366 --> 00:09:06,326 ♪ Don't wanna hold your hand no more ♪ 174 00:09:06,886 --> 00:09:08,836 Hootie, Hootie... 175 00:09:08,856 --> 00:09:10,196 Hootie, Hootie, Hootie... 176 00:09:10,236 --> 00:09:11,406 ♪ And I don't wanna be with you ♪ 177 00:09:11,476 --> 00:09:14,176 Hootie, Hootie, Hootie, Hootie... 178 00:09:14,546 --> 00:09:16,376 - No, no. - Hootie, Hootie... 179 00:09:16,466 --> 00:09:17,996 No, no, no, no. 180 00:09:18,516 --> 00:09:21,026 I'm not in Hootie and the Blowfish anymore, y'all. 181 00:09:21,436 --> 00:09:22,606 Doing my own thing. 182 00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:24,616 What do you mean "in Hootie"? 183 00:09:24,686 --> 00:09:26,486 Because you are Hootie, man! 184 00:09:26,866 --> 00:09:29,536 - Come on, everybody! - Hootie, Hootie... 185 00:09:29,576 --> 00:09:32,216 - Hootie, Hootie, Hootie... - No, no... 186 00:09:32,256 --> 00:09:34,656 No, no, no, all right, now... now... now stop it, stop it. 187 00:09:35,256 --> 00:09:39,026 I'm not Hootie. I'm Darius Rucker. All right? 188 00:09:39,456 --> 00:09:40,836 I used to be the front man 189 00:09:40,926 --> 00:09:43,256 for a band called Hootie & the Blowfish. 190 00:09:43,626 --> 00:09:45,306 All right, but I was never Hootie. 191 00:09:45,656 --> 00:09:47,276 There was never a Hootie. 192 00:09:47,316 --> 00:09:48,866 Just... if I may... if I may ask, 193 00:09:48,926 --> 00:09:50,776 where are the Blowfish at, right, guys? 194 00:09:51,186 --> 00:09:53,286 Come on, everybody! Blowfish! 195 00:09:53,356 --> 00:09:55,086 Blowfish, Blowfish, Blowfish... 196 00:09:55,226 --> 00:09:56,856 No, no, no! The... 197 00:09:56,946 --> 00:10:00,156 There are no people known as "the Blowfish," y'all. 198 00:10:00,706 --> 00:10:01,586 Okay? 199 00:10:01,726 --> 00:10:04,576 The whole band was just called Hootie & the Blowfish. That's it. 200 00:10:04,666 --> 00:10:06,356 It was a nonsense name. 201 00:10:06,486 --> 00:10:09,226 Like Hoobastank. Or Toad the Wet Sprocket. 202 00:10:09,516 --> 00:10:10,546 Oh. 203 00:10:18,066 --> 00:10:20,366 ♪ Don't go out with my friends no more ♪ 204 00:10:20,376 --> 00:10:23,166 ♪ Don't wanna hold your hand no more ♪ 205 00:10:24,036 --> 00:10:25,066 Oh! Oh! 206 00:10:25,106 --> 00:10:26,716 What? What is it, man? 207 00:10:26,756 --> 00:10:28,656 I see. I get it now. I understand. 208 00:10:28,766 --> 00:10:30,536 Hey, we gotta pick, y'all! 209 00:10:30,646 --> 00:10:32,276 - We gotta choose between... - No, no... 210 00:10:32,346 --> 00:10:34,316 Hootie or the Blowfish! 211 00:10:34,386 --> 00:10:37,346 So, who wants to see the Blowfish? 212 00:10:41,566 --> 00:10:43,186 There's no Blowfish. 213 00:10:44,046 --> 00:10:45,736 And who wants to see Hootie? 214 00:10:50,976 --> 00:10:52,666 Hey. 215 00:10:53,396 --> 00:10:55,496 Hey, that... that hurts my feelings, y'all. 216 00:10:55,536 --> 00:10:57,006 Yeah, but you said you weren't Hootie. 217 00:10:57,076 --> 00:10:58,846 No, I'm not, sir. 218 00:10:58,866 --> 00:11:01,416 But in the question you just asked the audience, 219 00:11:01,436 --> 00:11:02,666 I-I was clearly Hootie. 220 00:11:02,846 --> 00:11:04,786 - So you are Hootie! - I'm not, though. 221 00:11:04,806 --> 00:11:06,676 He is Hootie! Yeah! 222 00:11:06,676 --> 00:11:07,576 No... 223 00:11:08,586 --> 00:11:10,026 Hootie, Hootie... 224 00:11:10,146 --> 00:11:13,916 Hootie, Hootie, Hootie, Hootie, 225 00:11:13,936 --> 00:11:15,756 Hootie, Hootie, 226 00:11:15,846 --> 00:11:19,716 Hootie, Hootie, Hootie, Hootie, 227 00:11:19,736 --> 00:11:23,571 Hootie, Hootie, Hootie... 228 00:11:24,226 --> 00:11:27,056 Hootie, Hootie, Hootie... 229 00:11:27,116 --> 00:11:29,666 I'm Hootie! 230 00:11:32,086 --> 00:11:34,996 I'm Hootie! Aah! 231 00:12:01,066 --> 00:12:02,376 I... 232 00:12:03,676 --> 00:12:05,186 am your substitute... 233 00:12:08,516 --> 00:12:10,216 Mr. Nostrand. 234 00:12:12,056 --> 00:12:14,686 But that might as well say, "No nonsense," 235 00:12:15,186 --> 00:12:16,506 because I... 236 00:12:17,086 --> 00:12:19,426 do not... play. 237 00:12:20,846 --> 00:12:23,466 Now, today will not be a day off. 238 00:12:24,296 --> 00:12:27,386 In fact, today, you will work harder than... 239 00:12:43,396 --> 00:12:45,286 Somebody call a Code Brown up in here. 240 00:12:46,406 --> 00:12:48,236 See you later, Mr. Pootstrand! 241 00:12:54,769 --> 00:12:56,149 Jordan and I love action movies. 242 00:12:56,159 --> 00:12:57,979 We love, you know, movies where people are trying to... 243 00:12:57,989 --> 00:12:59,329 you know, smuggle contra... 244 00:12:59,329 --> 00:13:01,009 Like, Breaking Bad's like our favorite show. 245 00:13:01,029 --> 00:13:03,025 Mm-hmm. Yeah. 246 00:13:03,949 --> 00:13:05,879 Also like The Wire and New Jack City. 247 00:13:05,924 --> 00:13:07,294 Yeah, like that kind of stuff. 248 00:13:07,314 --> 00:13:08,811 - And anything that like... - It intrigues us, yeah. 249 00:13:08,864 --> 00:13:11,320 Yeah, portrays African-Americans as criminals. 250 00:13:11,350 --> 00:13:12,168 In the worst possible light. 251 00:13:12,169 --> 00:13:13,173 We just... 252 00:13:13,214 --> 00:13:16,084 - We love that. We love that. - So, shame on us. 253 00:13:16,179 --> 00:13:18,179 But something that always cracks me up. 254 00:13:18,224 --> 00:13:21,124 I love when you see cops and DEA agents when they bust... 255 00:13:21,144 --> 00:13:22,834 You know, they bust a whole bunch of cocaine. 256 00:13:22,899 --> 00:13:23,968 - Oh, yeah. - And I lo... 257 00:13:23,969 --> 00:13:25,925 This is my favorite thing. It's like, "Give it here." 258 00:13:26,694 --> 00:13:27,655 Like, come on. 259 00:13:27,659 --> 00:13:29,334 "That's 100% pure." 260 00:13:30,629 --> 00:13:32,959 I want to become a cop just so I can go to that class. 261 00:13:33,004 --> 00:13:34,534 I just want to go to that class 262 00:13:34,579 --> 00:13:36,314 where the cop's just supposed to go... 263 00:13:36,354 --> 00:13:37,754 - "Get in there..." - Yeah. 264 00:13:37,799 --> 00:13:39,581 "I don't know if it's pure. Hold on." 265 00:13:39,639 --> 00:13:42,020 "Let me just crack that up in there. 266 00:13:42,069 --> 00:13:43,469 "Make sure that... 267 00:13:43,539 --> 00:13:46,067 "I'm not sure yet if it's pure. Hold on a second. 268 00:13:46,795 --> 00:13:49,392 'This could be only 80% pure. Aah..." 269 00:14:12,587 --> 00:14:14,933 Eight kilos. 100%. 270 00:14:15,045 --> 00:14:17,985 Pure grade Afghani heroin. 271 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:35,770 $100,000 U.S. dollars. 272 00:14:39,004 --> 00:14:40,374 Hold up. 273 00:14:40,444 --> 00:14:42,422 We should count it first. 274 00:14:42,429 --> 00:14:43,460 Mm. Mm-hmm. 275 00:14:46,441 --> 00:14:48,017 Be my guest. 276 00:15:01,985 --> 00:15:04,407 You know, we gonna do a straight count on this right now. 277 00:15:04,461 --> 00:15:05,949 - Count it... count it? - Yeah. Just... 278 00:15:05,949 --> 00:15:07,053 - Good idea. - Mm-hmm. 279 00:15:07,123 --> 00:15:08,053 Should probably do it fast 280 00:15:08,062 --> 00:15:09,959 so we don't make our friends here wait. 281 00:15:09,985 --> 00:15:11,390 Mm-hmm. Okay. 282 00:15:11,865 --> 00:15:15,747 20, 40, 60, 80, 283 00:15:16,357 --> 00:15:20,206 100, 20, 40, 60, 284 00:15:20,536 --> 00:15:22,006 80, 200... 285 00:15:22,163 --> 00:15:24,003 Hey, you know what? I'm fast. Let me just do it. 286 00:15:24,008 --> 00:15:25,408 - You want... okay. - I'll take care of that. 287 00:15:25,468 --> 00:15:26,912 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9... 288 00:15:26,989 --> 00:15:28,919 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9... 289 00:15:28,957 --> 00:15:30,527 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9... 290 00:15:30,587 --> 00:15:31,957 Hey, why... why are you doin' piles of nine? 291 00:15:32,027 --> 00:15:33,527 - It's faster than 10s. - Oh, really? 292 00:15:33,597 --> 00:15:36,927 I do my nines 10 times, and then I do an extra pile of 10. 293 00:15:36,932 --> 00:15:38,962 Fast. Okay. Yeah, yeah. 294 00:15:39,032 --> 00:15:40,599 You know, we... we should probably both be counting. 295 00:15:40,631 --> 00:15:42,091 Oh, well, let's get to it. 296 00:15:42,096 --> 00:15:43,866 That's dou... double trouble. All right. 297 00:15:43,904 --> 00:15:46,064 - And, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9... - 20, 40, 60... 298 00:15:46,078 --> 00:15:48,182 - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9... - 80, 100, 20, 40, 299 00:15:48,182 --> 00:15:50,382 1, 2, 3, 4... Wait. 300 00:15:50,399 --> 00:15:51,539 Okay, I'm sorry, can you... could you ple... 301 00:15:51,539 --> 00:15:53,093 Could you do something like over there? 302 00:15:53,093 --> 00:15:54,702 - Yup. I'm gonna take. - Please, it's a little distracting. 303 00:15:54,809 --> 00:15:55,849 - Oh, you know what? - What's that? 304 00:15:56,016 --> 00:15:57,146 I got it. We could time me. 305 00:15:57,148 --> 00:15:57,800 Okay. 306 00:15:57,801 --> 00:16:00,139 Okay, we time me counting out 1,000. 307 00:16:00,139 --> 00:16:01,364 We take that time, and then 308 00:16:01,409 --> 00:16:05,310 we just count money for that time times 100. 309 00:16:07,249 --> 00:16:09,349 No! I g... I got it. This is it right here. 310 00:16:09,643 --> 00:16:13,283 I'm gonna do a web search for a picture of $100,000. 311 00:16:13,393 --> 00:16:14,217 - Okay? - Okay. 312 00:16:14,249 --> 00:16:16,313 Then, you know, we'll know what it's supposed to look like 313 00:16:16,313 --> 00:16:17,947 and then we can arrange our money 314 00:16:18,014 --> 00:16:19,314 to look exactly like it. 315 00:16:19,584 --> 00:16:21,684 And see... here. Hey. Here we go. Right here, look. 316 00:16:22,257 --> 00:16:23,523 I mean, damn, that looks... 317 00:16:23,544 --> 00:16:25,274 That looks just like... a lot like our money. 318 00:16:25,319 --> 00:16:27,324 I think we got $100,000 here, folks. 319 00:16:27,437 --> 00:16:29,155 - I think we made it. - No, that is our money. 320 00:16:29,266 --> 00:16:31,366 I'm sorry. I'm sorry, do... Earlier... 321 00:16:31,386 --> 00:16:31,943 Yeah. 322 00:16:32,014 --> 00:16:34,292 When we were counting, I took a picture of our money 323 00:16:34,308 --> 00:16:35,953 so I could upload it on Yahoo! Answers. 324 00:16:35,973 --> 00:16:37,144 - Oh, damn. - That's right. 325 00:16:37,159 --> 00:16:38,584 'cause I just wanted to see if anyone could verify 326 00:16:38,608 --> 00:16:40,078 - what $100,000 looked like. - [bleep]! 327 00:16:40,123 --> 00:16:41,293 - Oh, you got it. - What was I thinking? 328 00:16:41,323 --> 00:16:42,523 - You got it. - I got it, man. 329 00:16:42,523 --> 00:16:43,593 - Go, go, go, go. - I got it, I got it. 330 00:16:43,930 --> 00:16:45,339 What the hell are you doing, man? 331 00:16:45,339 --> 00:16:47,209 I th... you know, I was gonna try to Rain Man it. 332 00:16:47,438 --> 00:16:49,008 - Oh, that's a plan right there. - That's right. 333 00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,830 - Okay, yeah, here we go. - We can do that. 334 00:16:50,987 --> 00:16:52,278 Okay. 335 00:16:58,693 --> 00:17:00,563 Yup, yup. I got that. I got that. 336 00:17:00,598 --> 00:17:02,468 20, 40, 60... 337 00:17:05,064 --> 00:17:07,052 99,980. 338 00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:38,984 You guys ever hear... You guys know the old standard, 339 00:17:39,010 --> 00:17:41,437 Uh, "It's Co..." is it called, "It's Cold Outside?" 340 00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:42,670 - "Baby, It's Cold Outside." - "Baby, It's Cold Outside." 341 00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:44,192 You know this old standard? Right, yeah. 342 00:17:44,210 --> 00:17:45,801 '30s and '40s. 343 00:17:45,830 --> 00:17:47,046 And so many people have covered it. 344 00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:48,736 It was written in like 1939 or something like that. 345 00:17:49,070 --> 00:17:52,478 It's funny, when you listen to the lyrics of the song, uh... 346 00:17:53,030 --> 00:17:53,969 It's kinda rapey. 347 00:17:54,020 --> 00:17:55,245 - It's a little rapey. - It's a little rapey. 348 00:17:55,270 --> 00:17:56,543 It's like... 349 00:17:57,650 --> 00:17:58,650 It's true. 350 00:17:58,670 --> 00:18:00,551 She said she wanted to leave... 351 00:18:01,780 --> 00:18:03,320 You told her it was cold outside. 352 00:18:03,790 --> 00:18:06,665 It's winter. She's very aware of the fact that it's cold outside. 353 00:18:07,300 --> 00:18:08,660 She's not stup... you know what I'm saying? 354 00:18:08,670 --> 00:18:10,123 - Yeah. - "No" means no. Right? 355 00:18:10,170 --> 00:18:11,134 - Oh, yeah. - You know? 356 00:18:11,190 --> 00:18:13,190 And this was... I got... I got creeped out... 357 00:18:13,220 --> 00:18:15,041 'cause I dr... I... In this scene you're about to watch, 358 00:18:15,080 --> 00:18:16,105 I dressed up like a woman. 359 00:18:16,338 --> 00:18:18,608 Lot of brothers like, "Man, he dress up like a woman a lot." 360 00:18:18,697 --> 00:18:20,048 I'm just... 361 00:18:20,829 --> 00:18:23,199 just in touch with my feminine side. 362 00:18:24,329 --> 00:18:26,218 - Whoo! Thank you, girls. - Yes. 363 00:18:26,271 --> 00:18:28,301 But no, this one was confusing for me because I was... 364 00:18:28,363 --> 00:18:30,480 I... fir... I'm hot. I'm hot. 365 00:18:30,549 --> 00:18:31,434 And so it's creepy. 366 00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:32,640 You don't want to look in the mirror 367 00:18:32,671 --> 00:18:34,689 and be attracted to yourself. Be like the... 368 00:18:34,970 --> 00:18:38,156 dude from Silence of the Lambs. "I'd [bleep] me." 369 00:18:38,173 --> 00:18:39,643 You don't want that. 370 00:18:39,713 --> 00:18:40,783 Ah! 371 00:18:51,335 --> 00:18:53,428 ♪ Would you look at the time? ♪ 372 00:18:53,428 --> 00:18:55,586 ♪ You should just stay here tonight ♪ 373 00:18:55,586 --> 00:18:57,409 ♪ I've had too much wine ♪ 374 00:18:57,423 --> 00:18:59,183 ♪ You will leave at first light ♪ 375 00:18:59,556 --> 00:19:01,496 ♪ It isn't that far ♪ 376 00:19:01,496 --> 00:19:02,805 ♪ Baby, just stay where you are ♪ 377 00:19:02,878 --> 00:19:04,388 ♪ Back to my place ♪ 378 00:19:04,417 --> 00:19:07,217 ♪ You can't escape from my embrace ♪ 379 00:19:07,675 --> 00:19:10,142 ♪ I really had a very nice time ♪ 380 00:19:10,270 --> 00:19:12,270 ♪ Let me just refill that wine ♪ 381 00:19:12,340 --> 00:19:14,470 ♪ But I really need to just say good-bye ♪ 382 00:19:14,540 --> 00:19:16,240 ♪ I would love to see you try ♪ 383 00:19:16,310 --> 00:19:17,732 ♪ Please unlock this door ♪ 384 00:19:17,746 --> 00:19:19,776 ♪ it's locked from the outside ♪ 385 00:19:19,816 --> 00:19:23,074 - ♪ Babe, you're mine tonight ♪ - ♪ I cannot stay tonight ♪ 386 00:19:23,786 --> 00:19:25,446 ♪ Look, I really have to go ♪ 387 00:19:25,486 --> 00:19:27,456 ♪ No, you really have to stay ♪ 388 00:19:27,466 --> 00:19:29,266 ♪ Hey, "no" means no ♪ 389 00:19:29,295 --> 00:19:31,565 ♪ That is what they all say ♪ 390 00:19:31,565 --> 00:19:33,223 ♪ You're hurting my arm ♪ 391 00:19:33,223 --> 00:19:34,953 ♪ I won't cause you any harm ♪ 392 00:19:34,993 --> 00:19:36,553 ♪ Let go of me ♪ 393 00:19:36,592 --> 00:19:39,232 ♪ We can make this hard or just easy ♪ 394 00:19:39,657 --> 00:19:42,497 ♪ A woman always comes prepared ♪ 395 00:19:42,506 --> 00:19:43,806 ♪ Ooh, I'm really scared ♪ 396 00:19:43,815 --> 00:19:45,745 ♪ I said this is not what I want ♪ 397 00:19:45,785 --> 00:19:47,485 ♪ Why you have to be such a... ♪ 398 00:19:47,524 --> 00:19:49,484 ♪ I know self-defense ♪ 399 00:19:49,524 --> 00:19:51,464 ♪ I dare you to try it ♪ 400 00:19:51,585 --> 00:19:53,685 ♪ I don't want to fight ♪ 401 00:19:53,755 --> 00:19:57,167 ♪ Bitch, you are mine tonight ♪ 402 00:20:11,896 --> 00:20:14,048 ♪ Please, just please go away ♪ 403 00:20:14,057 --> 00:20:16,357 ♪ I thought that you wanted me to stay ♪ 404 00:20:16,357 --> 00:20:18,227 ♪ Well... well, I just changed my mind ♪ 405 00:20:18,267 --> 00:20:20,597 ♪ Think I'll just stay and unwind ♪ 406 00:20:20,606 --> 00:20:22,876 ♪ How did this all switch? ♪ 407 00:20:22,885 --> 00:20:25,655 ♪ Now you are... ♪ 408 00:20:25,685 --> 00:20:27,555 ♪ my... ♪ 409 00:20:27,868 --> 00:20:28,998 ♪ bitch ♪ 410 00:20:29,229 --> 00:20:31,229 ♪ Please just be kind tonight! ♪ 411 00:20:31,229 --> 00:20:33,745 ♪ Now you're mine... ♪ 412 00:20:33,756 --> 00:20:35,786 ♪ to... ♪ 413 00:20:35,856 --> 00:20:38,853 ♪ night ♪ 414 00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:55,669 - Good night! - Good night! 415 00:20:59,449 --> 00:21:02,205 ♪ I'm gonna do my one line here ♪ 416 00:21:03,073 --> 00:21:04,408 Oh, yeah! 30112

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