All language subtitles for Its.Always.Sunny.in.Philadelphia.S07E09.The.Gang.Gets.Trapped.1080p.Bluray.x264-RCSW

Damn it, damn it, damn it!
This is such a stupid
goddamn situation.

We've got to get
out of here, Dennis.
We have got to get out of here.

We need a plan.
Okay, well, plan one is for you
to lower your goddamn voice.

This is as low as I go, okay?

I say we bum-rush her
and choke her out
with her own belt.

Dee, you're escalating shit.

This is exactly
what I'm talking about.

We immediately escalate
everything to a 10.
It's ridiculous.

I mean, somebody comes in with
some preposterous plan or idea,

and then all of a sudden,
everybody's on the gas.

Nobody's on the brakes.
Nobody's thinking.

Everybody's just talking
over each other with one
idiotic idea after another,

until finally, we find
ourselves in a situation...

where we've broken
into somebody's house,
and the homeowner is home.

Yes, yes.

I'm sick of it, Dee.
Okay.

We can't do this anymore.
Okay.

We've got to examine
our process.

Fine. I'm on board with that.
But right now I'm trying
to come up with solutions.

If you don't want
to choke her out, we won't.

But you need to help me
come up with a plan.
This is breaking and entering.

Oh, my God.

Dee, your breath is hideous.

I mean, it smells bad.
Okay. Okay.

Oh, my God.
We are really in
over our heads this time.

I'm saying this
was a totally
avoidable situation.

I know. I know I'm not innocent
in all this, okay?

I know I shouldn't
have stood on that table
and given that awesome speech...

about how I was the perfect one
to lead us into the house
because of my wonderful grace.

I know that. I regret that now.
It was a very persuasive speech.

Oh, she's packing a suitcase.

I definitely regret you getting
quadruple onions on your burger.

I'm sorry. I didn't realize
I was going to be trapped
in a closet...

with you for the afternoon.

I definitely regret
being dragged along
into this whole thing.

For what purpose
would you have been dragged?

You nosed your way into this
like you do with everything.

You are nothing
but liabilities, Dee.
Oh, come on.

Loud voice,
breath reeks. Nosy.

Oh, she's leaving.
She's leaving.

She's gone.

Okay, okay.
I'm gonna call Mac and Charlie.
Okay.

- Guys, come in. Are you there?
- Yes, Extraction Team.

What is your status?
Have you recovered
the artifact yet?

No. We are off
the artifact plan.

We are not doing
the artifact plan anymore.

It is a stupid plan.

Negative, negative.
It is an awesome plan, okay?

This family should not
have the artifact.
It belongs in a museum.

Belongs in a museum, bro.

Adults should
not be making plans
that are based on dumb movies!

Excuse me?
Indiana Jones
is a dumb movie?

I-I like the first one.
Oh, God.

I like him as a character.
Oh, God, come on.

Okay, listen.
It's not about that.

I'm just saying that
the plan was genuinely dumb,

as many of our plans are,
I now realize.

What about your
whole speech about "I have
the grace of a falcon,

and I'll be in and out
like a demon's whisper"?

Dude, you stood up on your chair
in that burger restaurant and
said that speech for everybody.

It was a damn good speech.
It was very persuasive.
But I regret it now.

I gotta pee.
No.

Wait, wait.
Dee... Dee, what-what
are you doing?

She could come back
in here at any moment.
Well, what...

Indiana Jones, part four,
was dumb.

- I'll give you that.
- I wouldn't even count it.

I'm gonna say
Temple of Doom's
out for me, as well.

Is it out for you?
That's also dumb.

I liked that one.

Guys, can we talk
about this later?

Frank, let's go.
We're bailing.

I ain't going nowhere
until I get that vase.

Forget about the vase, Frank.
We're bailing on the vase, okay?

Frank's right actually, okay?

We gotta think about
what's best for the vase.

Yes, we are men of honor
who protect artifacts
from those who steal them.

What? You didn't
give a shit about
artifacts two hours ago.

So what? Now we do.
Yeah. What's that have
to do with anything?

Well, we should not be
committing crimes based on
beliefs that are two hours old.

Well, then don't read us
newspaper articles about stolen
artifacts that outrage us.

That article was about how
the museum is holding an auction
to raise money, okay?

Nothing was stolen.
The vase is not stolen.

As a matter of fact, only
if we follow through with this
plan will the vase be stolen.

Well, you were the ones
who escalated us off
of being the Extraction Team.

We could have gotten
in and out of there.

Well, escalate
your way back in,
for all I give a shit.

I'm leaving. I quit.
Me too.

Well, I'm still in.
Living on the edge.
It's making me feel alive.

- Shh!
- See? Now, Frank, that is why
you are on the Extraction Team.

Frank's got the attitude.
Dennis has the grace.
Dee nosed in.

- She nosed in.
- Dee was dragged.

Oh, shit. Extraction Team,
there is an S.U.V. pulling up
in front of the house.

- There is a man getting out.
- Okay, I cannot see
the driver's face,

but the subject
appears to have...

pointed feet of some kind.

Okay, I'm repeating here.

He has pointed feet,
so careful now.

What does that mean?

He's wearing cowboy boots.

Okay, yes, I'm seeing now
that they are cowboy...

His feet could be
pointed on the inside,
so let's be...

They're definitely not
pointed on the inside.
How do you know that?

How do you know that?
They're definitely not.

I guess I can't say for sure.

- You don't know for sure.
- Sweetheart?

- You home?
- Up here, darlin'!

Is she coming back up here?
Why is she coming back up here?
Oh, shit, back in the closet.

Yippee-i-ki-yay.

Hurry.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.
What the hell?

Oh. I just saw her put
the vase in the suitcase.

What? No.
We can barely even tell if
that's a person and a suitcase.

I have to pee so bad.
Deandra, your breath
is dog shit.

I know.

What are you doing home?

I got a call from the alarm company.
They said it was the house.

- This is bad.
- Oh, I must have set if off.

I just popped by
to grab a jacket.

I told you it'd be chilly.

Yeah, you're always
right about that, honey.

- Well, I got an appointment, you know.
- - Oh, yeah.

I'm heading back to the office.
Bye, sugar.

Bye.
What the hell was that?

Very strange.
That was close.

Give me a chip.
No, no.
These are my chips.

You don't get a chip.
What's going on in there?

Basically, these people
are Southern, and the lady
lied to the man.

Are they gone?
I don't know.
Let's just quietly get out.

It's vase time, bitches.

What? No, no, no, no.
What are you doing, Frank?

We are in a very
dangerous situation here.

These people are from the South.

That's weird.
People from the South
don't usually move up north.

Oh, no, they come up.
These carpetbaggers
come up by the truckload...

just to steal our artifacts.

Carpetbaggers, huh?
Yeah.

Give me a chip.
No, you don't
get chips, Charlie!

God only knows
what these people will
do to us if they catch us.

These Southerners,
they probably pray for a home
invasion every single day.

They can't wait to get
their hands on home invaders...

so they can blast 'em
with shotguns...

and do God knows what
to them, Frank.

We'll be lucky
if the only thing that
happens is we go to jail.

We have got to go.

If some hillbilly
comes up to me, I'm gonna
lash him in the face.

No, Frank.
They are always
armed to the teeth.

They will hog-tie us
and hang us out on the front
lawn or burn us on a cross.

You're right, man.
You got to be careful.

Anytime you find out
some dude's got a crazy
torture basement or something,

it's someone from the South.

It always is.
Extraction Team,

go down to the basement
and see if it's some kind
of crazy type dungeon.

Yeah, yeah.
Dungeons and tons of guns and...
Dude, please give me a chip.

You're not getting
a chip, okay?
Come on!

Leave me alone with the chips!

If you wanted chips,
you could've gotten a bag
at the hamburger store.

Don't ask me again!
I can't listen
to this shit anymore.

Ooh! Ah! Hmm.

Q-tip holder. Shit.

Oh, problem solved.
Can we just get out of here?

Wait, wait. Hold on.
You need to see this.

Dee, you are nosing in.
Nip it in the bud.

A whole bunch of tickets
to The Jay Leno Show.

Who cares?
Listen to me.

Who wants to see Jay Leno
15, 16 times?

No one. No one wants
to see him once.
At all, right?

I got a theory.

She's bangin' Leno.
She's having an affair
with Leno.

Frank, if she was
bangin' Jay Leno,

why would she have to buy
a bunch of tickets
to his show?

That's stupid, Frank.
Use your head.
I've got an idea though.

She's trying to kill him.
She's still very upset
about the whole Conan thing.

Oh, my God!
That's it. She's icing Leno.

She's packing her suitcase.
She's sneaking away
from her husband.

Listen to me.
These are the theories
of lunatics!

Okay.
We have got to get
out of here now.

Yes, he's right.
Let's go.
No.

Back off, bitch.

I ain't leaving
until I get that vase.

- Stop it!
- Stop it.

He's gonna hurt himself.
Never should have
let him have that whip.

For God's sake,
let's just get out of here.
Let's go. Come on.

Okay, I think
the back door's this way.

Dee, you gangly,
uncoordinated bitch,

I am not getting hog-tied
over your lack of grace.

I hope they hog-tie you.

And then I hope they rape you
in their basement for 10 years.

Dee, listen to me.

I'm telling you,

I have a weird feeling
about this.

If he just randomly comes home
with some story
about the alarm,

he knows something.

Look, we should just do it now.
Pull the trigger.

Pull the trigger?
What does that mean?

Who is she talking to?
What is she talking about
pulling the trigger on?

I don't know.
I mean, until now,

I was thinking
this Southern violence talk
was just bullshit.

It was just an escalation
of some kind.
Mm-hmm.

But now I think it might not be,
you know what I mean?
Mm-mmm.

Who is she talking to right now?
Who is that person?

They're gonna pull
the trigger on somebody?
Jesus Christ.

I only ask because
I think knowing this might
help us get out of this mess.

You know what I'm saying?
Mm-hmm.

What is going on with you, Dee?
You should be nosing into this
like crazy right now.

I can't hold it anymore.
What?

The toilet's right behind you,
so I'm just gonna go ahead
and pee in it.

Oh, no, no.

You are just gonna
intentionally spray DNA
all over the crime scene.

I'm not gonna spray
anything anywhere.

Are you not familiar
with how a woman urinates?
Yes, I am, Dee,

but you cannot flush the toilet.

It's going to make
too much noise.

Then you're just gonna have
a bowlful of evidence.

You've got a really good point,
but I'm gonna do it anyway,

so it's happening.

Watch me.
Oh, my God.

You are all liabilities.
Why did you nose your way
into this? I hate you.

I'm gonna go find
Mac and Charlie...

so they can create a diversion
so we can get the hell
out of here.

Don't pee with me in the room!

Right now, yeah.
Go ahead and go.

Oh, thank you, God.

Mac. Charlie.
Come in.

Mac. Charlie.

I'm telling you, Charlie,
the situation
is out of control.

Let's just get out of here
while we still can.

Without the guys?
Oh, they're as good as dead.

There's no telling
what those Southern people
are gonna do to them.

You're right, man. Know what?
We should just get
the hell out of here.

I mean out of Philadelphia.
We should just drive and drive
and drive and not look back.

We should go to Arizona and open
up that imported leather shop
that we've always talked about.

Oh, my God,
the leathers. Yes.

The tasseled leathers,
the turquoise studs
on the leathers.

All the leather.
Yeah.

Do you have the keys
on you?
Yeah, let's get the keys.

Let's get out of here.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.
I heard all that.

Were you
holding down the button?
It was an accident.

I wasn't... It was just
sort of a reflex.

You're always holding
that thing down, and...

Sorry, Extraction Team.
We were having
a... a leather conversation.

Doesn't really...
Hey, um, what's
the status on the vase?

Do not take off on us!
I repeat, do not take off on us.

Leather shop in Arizona?
Are you serious?

There are far too many leather
shops in Arizona as it is.

You would be out of business
in a week's time.

What did you expect us to do?
You got us all
freaked out in here,

sitting here waiting
for the Southerners
to tie us up to horses...

and then have them run
in opposite directions,
ripping us apart!

Yeah!
How are we not supposed
to fantasize...

about opening up
imported leather shops
in Arizona?

Yeah. Give me a chip.
No, you're not
getting the chips!

The chips are off
the table, okay?

I want a chip!
Give me a chip.
Don't bring up the chips.

He wants chips,
and I asked him in the store.
You were there.

"Charlie, do you
want a bag of chips?"
"No, I don't want chips."

If you wanted any goddamn chips,

you should have gotten
a goddamn chip
at the hamburger shop!

Stop. Calm down.
Calm down. Listen.

We need the two of you
to create a diversion so that
we can sneak out of the house.

She just flushed the toilet.

Yeah, fine. It's just... Fine.
I'm just hungry.

We'll do a diversion.
Oh, shit, I just
thought of something.

What?

What if this vase
is cursed, okay?

Maybe that's why things
aren't going well, right?

If this vase has a curse on it,
you do not want to touch it.

I repeat, do not touch
this vase if you see it.

Pick it up with, like...
You know what?

Get a bag of sand
of some sort and...

Get... Get Dee to touch it.
Is Dee there?
If you find Dee...

Are you still talking
about the vase?
The vase is not cursed.

It's from the 1800s.
It was a time of science.

Jesus, Dee, why did you
flush the toilet?

Well, you had me all freaked out
about spray and DNA evidence.

What's going on
with Mac and Charlie?

I can't get them
to stay focused.

They keep escalating
the conversation
into evil curses...

and opening leather shops
in Arizona.

A leather shop in Arizona?
Yeah.

They'd be out of business
in a week's time.
That's exactly what I said.

We need to split 'em up.
That's a good idea.

How do you propose we do that?
Hey, Charlie.
Hey, it's Dee.

Listen. How come Mac's
the only one who gets to push
the button on the walkie?

Uh...

Let me get back to you on that.

Where are you guys?
I'm in a little girl's room.

Frank, get back here.
Mac and Charlie
are gonna do a diversion.

No way. The little bitch
has got a suitcase.
I'll bet the vase is in it.

No, no, I doubt that.
Yeah, yeah.

At this point, I doubt
that this is even the family
mentioned in the article.

Frilly little dress,

pink nightie.

Holy hell!

There's a teddy bear and it's
got something hard in it.

I'll bet the wife put
the vase in the teddy bear
to steal it from the husband.

No, no, that is
absolute insanity.

I'm gonna gut this thing.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, Frank.

Hi. I'm Elbert. I love you.

Hi. I'm Elbert. I love you.

Hi. I'm Elbert. I love you.
Shut up!

Hi. I'm Elbert. I love you.
Shut up.

That is outrageous.
That is an outrageous
amount of noise.

Hi. I'm Elbert. I love you.
That's loud.

Okay.
I gotta smother it.

Frank, do not.
Frank, stop it.

Hi. I'm Elbert. I love you.

Hi. I'm Elbert...
Are you kidding me?

Goddamn it.

How have we not been
caught at this point?

Hey, what's up, guys?

Charlie,
what are you doing here?

I snuck in.

Mac was, like, being a dick
about the walkie-talkie.

He wouldn't let me push
the button and stuff. Dick.

So he can just sneak in,
but we can't seem
to sneak out?

It wasn't easy.
There's a ton of closets
in this house.

I didn't know
which closet you were in, okay?
I had to look in a lot.

Well, now that we've
split you two idiots up,

maybe we can finally
get Mac to do a diversion.

Hi, Mama. I'm home.

Jesus Christ. Now there's
a kid in the house?

Mac, dude, a kid just
walked into the house.
A little heads up.

Could you hold on
one second, Dennis?

That's a double-double
cheeseburger meal with a
extra-large chocolate shake?

Can you go ahead
and throw an extra double
cheeseburger on there, please?

'Cause I'm very hungry.

Mac, now is not
the time to run off
and get a hamburger.

- We need your help!
- I didn't just run off, dude.

- I'm coming back.
- We need you to come back now.

We need you to create
a diversion. We have got
to get out of this house.

What happened
to Charlie's diversion?

Charlie doesn't know what
a diversion is apparently.

He just ran directly
into the house.

Fine. I'll be right back.

Okay, great. Thank you.
Hey, get chips this time.

I'm not getting you chips!

He got mad at me
for not getting...
Shut up.

Well, you know what?
I'll be a plumber.

I'll knock on the front door,
tell them I got a deal on pipes,
you guys run out the back.

That's a little elaborate,
but okay.

Ooh, I'll do a Swedish accent!

No, you do not do
a Swedish accent.
You don't know how to do one.

And you don't need to, dude.
These people don't know
who you are!

I can't just tell them
that we're there to steal
their artifact, Dennis.

There is a huge amount
of middle ground
between those two things.

I'm a Swedish plumber.
I'm here to fix your pipes.

That's good.
That's a good accent.

Do a Philadelphia accent
if you insist
on doing an accent.

I'm not going to do
a Philadelphia accent.

I'm gonna do a Swedish accent,
because that's what Indy
would do.

This will work, Dennis.
This will work.

Don't worry about it,
and don't worry about anything.

I'm gonna kill you.
I'm gonna kill you!

Well, guys, looks like
we're on our own.

Let's just make our move.
Charlie, how'd
you sneak in here?

Front door.

Let's just...

Front door?
You just walked
right in the front door?

Well, I ran.
I had a little hustle going.
But, yeah, front door.

Mm-hmm.

I'm beginning to think
we should just walk right
out the front door then.

I'm beginning to think
that this family has zero
awareness of their surroundings.

Let's go.
Let's just go.
Oh, my God.

So, tell me, Madison,
do you like Disneyland?

Yeah.
Well, we are going there right now.

Surprise! I already packed
your suitcase.

Did you pack Binky?
Well, no, I packed Elbert.

I don't want Elbert.
I want Binky.

Go grab your Binky and hurry up,
'cause we gotta go!

They're taking
a family trip.
Frank, Frank, Frank!

Little girl coming your way.
I'm gonna whip this little bitch
in the face if she makes a peep.

Binky.

Binky, Binky, Binky.

Binky!

We are assholes.

No one is planning
to murder Jay Leno
or anyone else.

This is a nice woman
planning a surprise
California vacation.

Dangerous family? No.

Barry!
What took you so long?

Mama, how come Barry's here?

Oh, well, uh, he's coming
with us to Disneyland
instead of Daddy.

How'd you like it
if we could go to
Disneyland every day?

Are we going to California?
Without Daddy?

Well, I'll be your new daddy.
Uh-oh.

Come on.
Oh, my God, did you hear that?

What does that mean,
new Daddy?
She's having an affair,

and they're all
going to Disneyland.

Oh!

Barry, I followed you, you son of a bitch.
That's the dad.

That's the dad.
Dad's home.
Dad's home!

Oh, my God.
So they're gonna
confront each other.

How could you do this to me?

- Do you still love me?
- I don't know anymore.

Look, I love her, man.
Very sad.

Shut the hell up, or I will
beat the hell out of you.

Shit.
Let's just make a break for it.

Are you kidding me?
This whole thing's coming
to a head right now.

There's gonna be
a massacre out there.

Everybody shut up!

Now, let's all just calm down.

We'll talk
this thing out
like a family.

I don't care
if it takes all night.

Oh, God, no.
All night?

I can't do all night,
you guys.
I don't have it in me.

Screw it.

Let's just walk right out.

They're not gonna notice.
They got a lot on their...
Walk right out.

Their marriage
is falling apart.
Walk right out.

They got too much
on their plate.
I'm just gonna walk right out.

Keep your eyes down.
Let's do it.

I'm trying to make this work,

but if you wanna go, you can go.

But you're not taking
my little girl.

Hello.
Hey.

Hello!
I am a Swedish plumber...
No, no. Uh, Mac.

Frank, we're outta here!

Yo!

Oh.

The vase!

Shit!

All right,
we'll just, uh...
Why don't we head out?

Should've "sidewaysed" it.
Nah. We should just...

Thank you.

- It was weird that they were Asian, right?
- Yeah.

- Very weird.
- Was not expecting that.

English - US - Line 21