All language subtitles for Its.Always.Sunny.in.Philadelphia.S07E07.Chardee.MacDennis.The.Game.of.Games.1080p.Bluray.x264-RCSW

So what do you guys
wanna do today?

- I don't know.
- We could sing a song.

We just ate.
We're drinking.

Hey, you know what?
Mac's coming over here
pretty soon.

- Mac's always got something.
- He'll have a plan...

He always has something.
And he'll get us
into something good.

He comes in with something.

'Cause we're having
a hard time getting
into something good.

- There he is!
- Good timing!

Mac in the house.
Mac in the house.
Mac in the house.

Got some news for me?

Lay it on us.
No, what's your news?

I don't have any news.
I thought you guys
have news.

You usually fire...
You always come in
hot with news.

Yeah, what's the plan?
Oh. I got nothin'.

Really? Huh.
Oh.

That's disappointing.
You usually fire
in here with something.

Yeah.
I've actually been
kinda bored today.

We're bored over here.
You guys bored too?

We are bored
out of our goddamn minds.
Didn't run into a thing or...

♪ Don't you remember, love ♪

♪ We built this city ♪

♪ We built this city
on rock and roll ♪♪

Oh. Wait.

Guys, I know what we can do.

You do?

Let's play
Chardee MacDennis.
Yes! Yes!

No!
No!

No, no.
No! 'Cause we're
not playing it.

Yes!
What's Chardee MacDennis?

Chardee MacDennis
is an awesome board game...

that we came up with
many years ago
on a day much like today.

That sounds like fun.
It is not fun.

Chardee! Chardee!
No, we're not playing it!

Don't start chanting it.
We're not playing
that stupid game!

We are not playing that game!

Why? What's the big deal?
It's only a game.

It's not just a game!

It's a war.

Chardee MacDennis...
The game of games.

Now what we did is,
we took our favorite aspects...

of a bunch
of different board games
and we mashed 'em all together.

We did the same thing with
the name, 'cause we couldn't
agree upon one.

Now the point of the game
is actually quite simple.

It's a race to the finish
from level one
to level three.

This is the board.
And we start at level one, which is "Mind."

That consists
of "Trivia," "Puzzles"
and "Artistry."

It is also the level
at which the alcohol
being consumed is wine.

Whoa! You get to drink
during the game?

Uh, drinking is the game, Frank.
It's the whole point of it.

I'm not gonna play
any game in which
I'm not getting annihilated.

Moving on to level two,
which is "Body"...

"Physical Challenge,"
"Pain" and "Endurance."
That's the beer level.

Yes, and level three
is "Spirit"...

"Emotional Battery"
and "Public Humiliation."

Boom.
Hard-alcohol level.

- What the hell you doing,
Deandra?
- This is very important, Frank.

We gotta nail the board
down to the bar,

because at a certain
point during the game,

Mac's gonna get very pissed off
'cause he's not doing very well.

- He's gonna try
and flip the board over.
- He's right. It's for the best.

- I will forget later that it's nailed down.
- He will.

Here's a big one.
There's a 15-minute
time limit to the game.

Fifteen minutes doesn't seem
like a long time for a game.

Well, there's
a fair amount
of clock stoppages.

Yeah, each team
gets three time-outs.

There's a halftime,
post-level breaks,
a two-minute warning...

and a significant amount
of injury stoppages.
Hence the first-aid kit.

Pay very close attention
to this next part.

Each team must collect
a certain number of cards
at each level...

in order to progress
to the next level.

And the first team
to complete all three levels
wins the game.

And the winner...
Ooh. The winner gets
a sweet prize.

Nice! What's the prize?

The winner gets to smash
the other team's game pieces.
Yeah.

That's the prize?
You get to smash
the team's game pieces?

Oh, it's incredibly gratifying.
Oh, it's awesome, Frank.

Now these are our game pieces.
Nice, right?

And these...

are Mac and Charlie's pieces.

Look at the condition
that they're in.
Pretty pathetic.

As you can see from the state
that these pieces are in,

Mac and Charlie have
never, ever,

in the history
of Chardee MacDennis,
won the game.

You never won?
Never won once?

No. It's almost statistically
impossible...

to play that many games
and never win, but...
It's truly an anomaly.

We haven't won yet, all right?
But maybe this is our time.

I mean, yeah.
It is gonna happen.
Watch out!

Yeah. I'm gonna slit throats.
Nice.

Ack! I love this game!

I want in!
Okay, I want to be Mac
and Charlie's partner.

That seems fair to me,
and I'll say why.
Mm-hmm.

Because, you see,
Frank's mind
is still fairly strong,

but his body's very,
very weak,
so I think it's a wash.

- And his spirit's garbage, so I'm okay with it too.
- - Right.

Hang on. You can't
just jump on our team.
Let us talk about this.

- All right, first of all,
we got a team photo, right?
- Yeah.

We're gonna have to decide,
do we get a new team
photo with or without you?

Plus, we have
a whole new strategy
to come up with, you know.

Our strategy
has never worked.
And I hate the team photo.

Okay. You know what?
Just join our team.
You're on the team.

Don't touch me.
Don't touch me.

Yes, and the Golden Geese...

are very much
looking forward
to another annihilation.

Yes, we are.
Now, in the spirit
of tradition,

I would like to propose
that we begin the ritual
of sportsmanship.

Good luck to you, sir.
And you, sir.

I do hope
you have a good game, miss.
And you, sir.

Why the hell are youse
talkin' like that?

Well, this is
an important part
of the process, Frank.

Gives the illusion
of respect
for your opponent.

Things are about
to get real dark,
real quick, Frank.

- It's nice to start off
on a positive note.
- Oh, that reminds me.

Once the game officially begins,
you are not allowed
to ask any questions.

Yes! In fact, if you do,
don't say a question.

Look it up in the book
of rules, okay?

Jesus Christ!

Oh, I think I understand.

No, you haven't begun
to understand, Frank,
but that's okay.

You'll get it
as we go along,
like every other board game.

Dee, how much time?
Uh, 10 seconds.

Ah! Perfect!
Okay, gentlemen.

Suck my dick.

What the shit are you doing?

Goddamn it, Frank.

You asked a question.
Goddamn it.

Frank, Mac, Charlie...
Drink for five seconds.

Yeah, drink, drink, drink!

This is how
we get psyched up
before each level.

Yeah, that's
our Maori war dance.

It's how we demonstrate
intimidation.

Shows off our physical prowess!

All right, Dee,
put two more minutes
on the clock. Let's go.

Gentlemen,

level one begins.

Okay, first card is trivia.

Okay, Dee, answer
this question correctly,
we get the card.

If not, they get
a chance to steal.
Yes.

What is the greatest
band in the world?
Chumbawamba.

Correct! Nice!

Whoa!
That's not trivia.
That doesn't make sense.

We made up all these questions,
so there's gonna be
a lot of opinion.

It's more
of a memory game than
anything else. But drink.

Drink, bitch.
Let's go.

All right, whatever.
Our turn. Our turn.
Here we go. Ready, Charlie?

No puzzles, no puzzles,
no puzzles...

Trivia!
Trivia!

I can do trivia, baby.

Oh, dude, and you definitely
wrote this one.
Nice.

Lay it on me!
Lay it on me!

Question:
"Dennis is asshole.
Why Charlie hate?"

I know this.

I don't think I wrote that.

You definitely
wrote this one, Charlie.

Who else
would have written this?

Uh, I'm not remembering that.

Oh, my God.
I don't think
I wrote that one.

Of course you did!
How many other illiterates
are in the...

Just throw out a guess.

Pass.
No!

You pass?
Pass?

No, he didn't pass.
He didn't pass.

Just throw out a guess.
Any guess, come on.

Pass.
Son of a bitch!

I can't think of one.
All right, chance to steal.

Oh! Because Dennis
is a bastard, man.

That's what it is.

I definitely wrote that.
That was it, right?

Yeah!
Two cards.
Two cards. Two cards.

I was mad at you
about something.
I wrote that.

Doesn't matter.
Next card is Artistry.

- And it's an all play,
so pay attention, guys.
- All play. All play.

"The artist from your team...

must draw the clue
from the card
on your teammate's back.

The teammate
must guess the clue
based solely on feel."

You ready?
I'm going to pass the card
over to the drawer.

I draw.
Yeah, I don't want
to have to read it.

Oh, this is hard.

All right, ready?

And... you guys ready?
Yeah.

Begin!
Go, go, go, go, go!

Hey, go!
Uh, uh, bird?

I'm not getting it, dude.
It's impossible to draw.
I don't know how to dr...

Jesus, your back
is so bony and crooked
and all over the place,

I can't get
a flat surface.
Anger!

Let me have it.
Let Frank go.

Oh, if only the answer was ribs.

Go, go. Frank, give me the...
Kicking.

He got it.
He got it!

Kicking.

I forgot about your stupid,
strange connection
with each other.

We get the card.

Drink, drink, drink, drink,
drink, drink, drink.

No puzzles, no puzzles,
no puzzles, no puzzles.

Chance! Chance.

This is a great one.
We stole this straight
from Monopoly.

It could be good.
It could be bad.

Mm-hmm.
That's the chance.

Got it.
Oh! It's like the best one.

"Take the money
from everyone's pockets."

That's, like,
the best one.
Shit.

Foo-foo, fork over, foo-foo.

That's the best card there is.

Frank, I don't know
what you're so excited for.
Give me your money.

What? I'm on your team.

Frank, the card says,
"Take the money
from everyone's pockets."

Everyone.
You are everyone.

Charlie gave up
his 50 cents.
I got $500 in my pocket.

I'm not putting my money
on the table.
You gotta do it, dude.

Give it to me.
That's the game.

Let me see that card.
No. If you're gonna
play the game...

Let me see that card.
Let him see the card.

Let me see the card.
Show him the card.

"Swallow this card whole."
Oh!

Cheating! Cheating!
That's cheating.

You've been
caught cheating.
Time's stopped.

You've been caught cheating.

- We're on the same team.
- Look, Frank, cheating
is tolerated. It's accepted.

It's like a big part
of the game,

but if you get
caught cheating,
they advance to the next level.

You ruined my scheme.

In his defense,
you were trying
to steal his money.

- It was not the time to cheat, dude.
- Enjoy that.

- Only one card down.
- Yeah, well, it's too late now.

What's done is done, so... Uh-oh.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

To the game of games!
Yes, Frank, good.
You're getting it.

- Very civil.
- Can questions now I ask
that clock stop-ed?

Okay, just 'cause
you jumble up the words
doesn't make it not a question,

but the answer is yes.

When the clock is stopped,
all rules are off
and civility reigns.

They advance. Do we?

Ah. Yes.
I'll explain it to you, Frank.
It can get a little confusing.

They are now in level two.

Which means they need
only two cards to advance
to level three.

We are still in level one.

It's a goddamn mind-boggler.
Yeah, I've never
really understood it.

But the point is,
if Mac's telling you
what to do, listen.

Okay.

Now at level two,
there is no more cursing.

Oh, yeah.
Big-time level two rule.

Where we at here?
Where we at?

All right.
Oh, gentlemen, it's time.

Oh, is it?
Kick it!

You flinch, you lose.
Here we go.

Didn't wince. all right.
Nothing. Not even a...

All right.

- Oh!
- Aw, come on.

Nothing.

The problem is,
his hands are like...
So tiny.

If Dee had gotten this,
we could have just...
Obliterated those giant paws.

I'm gonna put it
right in the center of his hand.
Do it. Do it.

Cheese and crepes!

All right, hit him, hit him!

Dadgumit!
Let me have a go at it.

Yeah.
Yeah, here.

Nice!
Wait for it.

Wait for it.

Cheese and crepes.
Son of a gun.

Cheese and crepes!

Dee,

we'll be taking this card.

Cheese and crow.
All right, it's our turn.
Let's go get the cards.

No, puzzles, no, puzzles,
no puzzles, no puzzles,

no puzzles,
no puzzles, no puzzles,
no puzzles, no puzzles,

no puzzles, no... Chance.

Okay, all right.

Okay, could be good.
Could be bad.

"Go to jail.
Do not pass Go.
Do not collect $200."

Sand of a bunch.

All right, we take our pieces,
we put 'em in jail.

Oh, no, no, no, no.
Frank, see, you don't get it.

There's no jail on the board,
so you go in there.

You gotta be kidding me.
Mm-mmm.

No, jail's a dog kennel.

You can get out,
but you're not
gonna like how.

You gotta eat a cake.

That's sounds good.
It's not.

You have to eat
the ingredients of a cake.

Aw, shit.
One, by one...

- Oh!
- Oh! Stop the clock!

Dude!
You cursed!

Aw! I hate this game.
I hate this game.

All right,
all right, all right.
We drink for five seconds.

No, you're not getting it.
In level two,
the other team counts.

Four,

five.

Awful.

No more cursing.
No more cursing.

Get in jail. Let's go.

You might want to brush up
on some of these rules
while you're in there too, pal.

That's a good idea.
Let him read the rule book.
Yeah.

All right, our turn.

Ooh, all play.

"Physical challenge:
The Grape Gobble."

Oh, nice!
Grape Gobble's
my thing, man.

Charlie's
favorite board game?
Hungry Hungry Hippos.

Hungry Hungry Hippos.

Ready, set, go.

Go, go, go.
Go, Charlie. Go, Charlie.

Put my cage on the bar
so I can see.

Shut up, dog.

Gobble, gobble, come on.

Come on, Dee.
Go, go, go.
And time.

Ho! Ho!
That's time.

Oh, no.
It's only five.
I only got five.

Oh, sheets!
Bed sheets!
Yeah!

You definitely
got more than five.
Yeah, yeah! I ate, like, 12!

Wait, wait. Whoa, whoa.
You're not supposed to eat them.

Th-The rule is you're sup...
You're not
supposed to eat them.

There's no way
we can tell how many you...

We win the level.
We get the card!

We're on level three.
Level three now.

Wait,
they're still inside me!
I can get them out!

Doesn't matter!
Doesn't matter.

Golden Geese!
Golden Geese!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah!

We move on to level three!

I hate this game!
I hate this game!

Oh, I know this game.

Board flipping. Cheating.

I'm so sick
from that cake stuff.

You shouldn't have even
eaten it, 'cause the game's
gonna be over in a second.

They're gonna kill us.
Hold on a second.
I got a plan.

When I was in the cage,
I had the book.

Save it, Frank.
There's no way
we can beat them, okay?

They are tailor-made
for level three.

Last time we played,
Dee got "Emotional Battery."

We berated that bitch for,
like, two straight hours.

I mean,
really personal stuff.
Way over the line.

The kind of stuff that cuts you
to the core, you know?

She held it together
without a single tear.

Dude, when her two minutes
were up, she cried
for a month straight.

Yeah, it was really sad.
Every day,
crying all day long.

She talked about
taking too many pills.

I think
she tried to kill herself.

She did, she did.
I saw it, but I didn't
tell you about it.

Are you bitches ready
for round three?

'Cause you're going down,
clowns.

- Dennis, I want
to tell you something.
- Yeah?

I hope I get
"Emotional Battery"
this time from them,

because this is why...

You guys, you always
emotional batter me.

And I'm gonna...
I'm fine with it.
I don't care about it.

I'm getting good at it now.

So that's something
that I hope for this game.

Okay.
Let me help you with that.

Oh, Frank.

- Frank, come on!
- Okay, so I broke
another rule.

- Oh, you did?
- Don't rat us out if it's a rule!

Probably not a rule.
Let's keep playing.

It probably is a rule.
I don't think it's a rule.

Rule 463:
"When a player spills
his or her drink,

his or her team has to chug
the opponents' drinks."

You are a terrible,
terrible teammate.

I don't want
to chug hard alcohol
on top of all this wine.

It's like...
No, that's okay.
You don't have to do it.

You don't have to,
because you guys
are in level one.

You can't even drink
hard alcohol anyway.

They're trying to trick us,
'cause then we'll not drink it,

and it'll be a rule
that we had to drink it.

No, no, it's fine.
No tricking us.

We're playing the game.
We're playing the game.

It's Chardee MacDennis.

This tastes like water.

This is water.

Aha! I knew it!

- Well...
- I knew it was water.

When he threw
his beer in my face,
I could taste it.

Shut up, dog!

- Cheaters!
- Yeah, cheaters.

You've been cheating!
We caught you cheating!

Eff you in the "A"!
Eff you in the "A"!
Eff you in the "A"!

Congratulations,
all right?
Fudge on crackers, all right?

Mr. Falconing sons of birds.

Motherfathers,
you've caught us cheating...

for the first time in,
like, 18 games.

If the team ahead
gets caught cheating,

then the team behind
jumps to their level,
which means...

Level three!
Level three!

Level three!

Okay.
We've never been
to level three before.

I'm going to level three!
I'll see you in level three!
Yep, yep, yep, yep.

♪ We're going to level three
We are the team
going to level three ♪

- That was the buzzer.
- Oh.

The timer's
never gone off before.

So what does that mean?

Wait, look that up,
because you guys always win
before the timer goes off.

It means we have to draw...
the black card.

I don't remember
a black card.
There's a black card?

I don't remember a black
card at all.

Black. Guys, this could be
some dark shit right here.

Here it is.
This is gonna be
a battle to the death.

Ooh! Oh, that's scary.
All right, read it.

- Open it, open it,
open it, open it!
- Brace yourself.

Get ready.
Here I go.

Huh? What do we...
I don't know.

Why... I don't know.

"In the event of a tie,
a winner must be chosen.

There can be only one.

And so it comes to this:

Flip... a... coin."

Flip a goddamn coin?
That's what we came up with?

Flip a coin.
That's lame as shit.

Oh, now I remember.

When we were writing the rules,
at one point, we just got really
bored, and we phoned it in.

- That is so lame!
- No, it's awesome.

Think about this, Mac.
They can't out-cheat us,
they can't outsmart us.

This isn't about,
like, physical endurance
or anything like that.

This is just up to the gods
right now, Mac!

And there's a 50-50 chance
we're winning this whole thing,
right now.

- No.
- Tails never fails.

Tails never fails!
Tails never fails.

Frank, we're taking tails!

All right, all right,
just flip the coin.
All right.

Flip that coin.
Flip that coin!

Flip that coin!

Flip that coin!

Flip that coin!

Yes!

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah!
Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Ah! That felt good.
Losers.

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