All language subtitles for Its.Always.Sunny.in.Philadelphia.S07E06.The.Storm.of.the.Century.1080p.Bluray.x264-RCSW

We're looking
at one of the most powerful
storm systems...

ever to hit
the Philadelphia area, folks.

As the hurricane moves
up the East Coast,

we're already starting
to feel its impact
with heavy winds,

and everyone
is bracing themselves
for torrential rainfall.

Oh, my God.

I've never seen anything
of this magnitude.

I can't believe
how severe this is.

They get bigger
and bigger every year.

We're expecting 20 to 30 inches.

Philadelphia, this is dangerous.

Stay indoors and be safe.

Well, I, for one,
would like to meet
this Jackie Denardo...

and see if her breasts
are as staggering
in person.

Guys, maybe we should
get a 3-D TV.

The breasts are only going
to keep getting bigger,

and we need the latest
technology to keep up.

Are you guys kidding me?
You're focused
on boobies...

at a time when a massive
storm is about to hit
Philadelphia?

It's a hurricane
we're talking about.

She's talking about it,
and, you know,

we're sort of listening
and we're enjoying
her breasts.

Just let us
have this.
Yeah.

The breasts make you
care about the weather
in a really good way, not...

Guys, maybe she's right.

Maybe we are too focused
on this woman's breasts.

Switch it to the other
news channel.
Channel 5 News.

Amigos, tenemos...

Cha-cha-cha!
¡Rica!

Oh, man!
It's internacional!
It's on every channel.

- These are the breasts
we should focus on.
- Hey-ho! What's up?

What are you wearing?

I got all riled up
by the weather report.
Ain't a drop of rain out there.

- So I put this old trash bag on
to keep myself protected.
- You did it for nothing, huh?

Yeah. It's media hype hyping up
the storm, making people
all nervous about it.

I don't know, Frank.
I don't think this is hype,

'cause they're calling it
the storm of the century.

I'll tell you what, Dee,
um, because you
might be right,

I think it's worth switching
over to the other channel.

Because I feel like
the coverage was a little
bit more... extensive.

- As you can see behind me...
- Ho! Look at that!

Oh, come on!
Ooh!
Yeah!

♪♪ I'm broadcasting
to you live...

from the All American
Home Center...

where shoppers are facing
long lines to buy supplies
for the hurricane expected...

They're talking about evacuating
the city.

Guys, maybe this is more serious
than we thought.

Yeah, it's serious.
It's a Category 5 storm.

We've got to get ready.

Oh, shit.

Dude, maybe the Mexicans
were right.

What are you talking about?

The Mexicans predicted
that the world was
gonna end in 2012.

That was the Mayans, dude.

Mayans, Mexicans...
What's the difference?

One difference
is that the Mayans
are extinct.

Yeah. The Mexicans
killed the Mayans.

No, the Spaniards
banged the Mayans,
turned 'em into Mexicans.

Oh, guys,
this doesn't
look good.

Okay, we're now getting
unconfirmed reports...

of sporadic looting in cities
along the East Coast.

People are looting now?
Come on.

Ah, it's the media.
They hype the storm.
They hype the looting.

- It's all for ratings.
- Whatever.

Either way,
I think we should head
up to higher ground,

you know, get to the Poconos.

Nah, you don't want to go
up in the mountains.
Are you crazy?

That's just putting you
closer to the storm.

You want to go low,
low as can be.

All right, you know what?
We gotta stop pussy-dicking
around here, okay?

- It's time to get
in the bunker.
- Bunker? What bunker?

Yeah, we, uh... We converted
this old storage closet...

into a place where
we could ride out Y2K.

Ha! Y2K...

Perfect example of how the press
hypes everything to no end
and nothing happens.

We know that now, Frank,
but, back then,
we were pretty scared.

Yeah, but why were we so scared?

Dee got us all worked up
about the computers
taking over mankind,

and then she had us
build this bunker.

Yeah, robopocalypse...
machines communicating
with each other...

and conspiring
to destroy the human race.

That is complete
nonsense, Deandra.
Is it nonsense?

Is it nonsense? Or is it
nonsense that we rely
solely on computers...

to run every aspect
of our lives, huh?

Hysterical.
She's hysterical.
Calm down, Dee.

Here, come check out
the bunker.
It's pretty cool.

What the hell?
What the hell
happened to the bunker?

We, uh... We raided the bunker
directly after Y2K.

Well, now it's empty.

Now there's nothing
in here for us to use.

And why is there
a condom wrapper
on the floor?

You've probably been banging
in the bunker, right?

Guilty.
I've been watching him
bang in here.

Have you?
Weird. Weird.

The bunker's
for emergencies.
This is not a joke.

Yeah, well, whatever,
you know.
That's an emergency, I guess.

I see that somebody's
also been eating...

a lot of your
weird canned foods
and sardines, Charlie.

- Yeah, where's all my...
- Yeah, he was probably
down here with Mac...

watching you rape girls
and eating pickled eggs.

I don't rape girls.
Come on.

Yeah, and I don't eat
that many pickled eggs.

But, well, you know what?

Let's stock up on some
more pickled eggs
down here though.

That's a good idea. Let's
go to the All American
Home store.

We can get all
of our supplies there.

The All American?
Yeah.

That's the place
with the weather...
Yeah!

Let's go there.
Let's go there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wait. You're gonna
actually go...

where the media is advertising?

Come on, Frank, it's not
like we've never been...

to the All American
Home Center before.

It's in our minds, you know.
And she's in my mind.

Let's go there.
It's settled.
Right, I know.

But first, we need
to board up windows. Frank,
you help me with this plywood.

And you guys can each
grab a box over there,
and then we'll...

And they've left.
They've left now.

I'm only still here 'cause
I'm not as quick as them.

Is that a pickled egg?

No. It's an egg
I brought from home.

Attention, all All American
Home Center shoppers...

People seem pretty amped up.

We should get our supplies
before they sell out.

Yeah, for sure. We should
come up with a plan,
and we should divide up.

Oh, my God.
Ooh-hoo-hoo.

Aw! They're
spectacular.
Wow!

Imagine that image in 3-D.

- Oh, baby.
- Yeah. Oh, my God.

Guys, I'm telling you,
we should get one
of these 3-D TVs.

Yeah, totally,
but not now, okay?

We can't spend our money
on a 3-D TV.

Right, right. All right,
we gotta get the supplies,
head up to the Poconos ASAP.

Come on.
I don't know.
Let's think about this.

For all we know,
it could be
the end of days.

No, it's not
the end of days.
I don't wanna go uphill.

Guys, it's not
the end of days.
Calm down.

It's just a storm, okay?

We'll get some batteries.
We'll get some supplies.

Food. We'll get food.

Yeah, we'll get food.

But I feel like you didn't...
You didn't say food.

Yeah, we'll get food, okay?
Jesus Christ.
Relax!

Okay, yeah, I'm...
I'm getting crazy.

All right, I'll get the food.
Yeah. Oh, my God.

You guys get the supplies.
Okay, we'll get the supplies.

Okay. Okay.
Give us the cash
because...

No, no, it's okay.
I have Frank's credit card.
You take the cash.

You got the cash.
We got the credit card.
Let's go.

Hey, you know
what I was thinking?
In addition to supplies,

it might be nice to grab
some girls, you know,
get them back to the bar.

This Jackie Denardo chick...
She's, uh,

sparked another storm inside me,
if you know what I mean.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Might be nice to ride
the storm out with some chicks.
Yeah, yeah.

We could use 'em to repopulate
the planet or something.
That'll be great to have them.

I'm not going to entertain
this notion anymore.
I don't want to hear it.

I'd at least like to find one,
like, Mexican or Mayan or
something for predictions.

No, but get
some batteries though.

You be the battery guy,
and I'll be the...
the "chicks and tits" guy.

All right.

Frank! Frank, you want
to come help me
do this or what?

No. Come over here.
I want you to see this.

Frank... Come on, check this out.

At any moment,
hoards of maniacs could come
pouring through the windows.

This doesn't concern you?
Come on, Deandra.

Please come over here
and sit down,
look at this.

What?

You remember years ago
there was a storm
in New Orleans?

Hurricane Katrina?
Yes.

Yeah, I remember it.
Mm-hmm.
Okay, check this out.

What do you think
those people are doing...
surviving or looting?

They're surviving.
Ah. Okay.

Do you remember a man
named Rodney King?
Yes, of course I do.

Okay, the L.A.P.D.
worked him over really good.

Yes.
Okay. This was taken during
the Rodney King riots.

What do you think
these people are doing...
looting or surviving?

Well, they're looting.
Ah, of course.

It's the media, see?
When it's white people,
it's survival.

And when it's black people,
it's looting.

No, Frank. It's because
the white people
are stealing bread...

and the black people
are stealing speakers.

If the white people were
stealing stereo equipment, I
would say they were looting too.

How do you know
the blacks don't have
bread in those speakers?

What are you talking about?
What are we talking about
right now?
Listen!

There are big things to do.
Calm down.
This is the best part.

More?
Yeah. Just check this out.

This was taken during the riots.

Do you recognize
anybody in there?

What are you doing in the video?

I happened
to be out in L.A.
during the riots.

I was on business.
And to steal ski equipment,
I guess.

Yeah, well, I went in
for a loaf of bread.
I took some skis.

Everybody's happy.
Not the people
who own the skis.

Oh, shit!
All right, calm...

Oh, my God!
The power went out!
Calm down.

This is terrible!
We gotta get... Jesus!

That's why I like to have
this little baby with me.
Goddamn it!

Come on.
Let's go! To bunker!

You come with me.
Yeah, go first.
Don't...

Just be careful with that.

We're gonna call it
a hurricane party.

It's gonna be cool.
It's gonna be awesome.

What's a hurricane party?
A hurricane party's exactly
what it sounds like.

It's a party during a hurricane
at our bar... Paddy's Pub.

I've heard
of that bar.
Yeah?

Hey! Hello!

All right! All right! Hi.

Crazy, crazy weather
coming our way.
Yeah.

You trying to get these girls
down to the bunker, or...

Oh, no, I'm-I'm inviting
them back to our very cool
bar that we own.

Oh! Cool, cool.
Yeah, we got
a sweet bunker too.

It's, like, so secure,
people can't get in or out
if we don't want 'em to.

We'll be, like,
totally safe down there.
Yeah.

I got a bunch of supplies.
You guys like pickled eggs?

We got sardines too.

Yeah, we got a bunch of other,
you know, normal food...

and normal stuff
there too.
Yeah.

Yeah, it's a great bar.
Gonna be free drinks
for everybody.

So you'll come.
You'll party with us.

And you... Bring
your girlfriends, too,
you know?

Sure.
We don't want just
the two of you.

You got to bring
your girlfriends.
That's a requirement.

Sounds like fun.

Can our boyfriends come too?

Oh.

Your boyfriends?

Yeah, our boyfriends.

You two have boyfriends?

How did you not know...

that the reason I invited
you back to my bar...

was to bang you?

Get outta here.

Get the hell outta here!
Get... Get outta here!

- Shoo away from me!
- You're a dick.

You're a dick.
She's a...
I'm not a dick.

It's okay.
Take it easy, all right?

Wh-Wh-What was that?
That was too dark.
They lied to me.

Oh, okay. Well, just
let it go, all right?

If you want to entice
these ladies, you gotta
talk about the bunker.

You got to lead
with the bunker.
No.

You end with the bunker.
Or you don't talk
about the bunker at all.

Are you kidding me?
What are you wearing?

Dude, they have
amazing stuff here.
I'm totally prepared.

Check this out.

How sweet is that?
Dude, what are you...
Drop that.

Are you kidding me?
You think girls are gonna
want to come back to a bar...

with a man dressed
the way you're dressed
and carrying a hatchet?

Yeah. They're gonna be like,
"Look at this sweet dude...

His awesome gear
and his awesome hatchet.

He's prepared.
He's ready for anything.

Storm coming?
Hatchet coming."

Dude, I have an idea.
I'm gonna go
to the Office section.

Meet me
in the Office section.
Okay. All right, good.

I'll find Mac, 'cause we
gotta get out of here, man.
Okay, yeah. No, um...

- Let's... Lose the hatchet.
- Come on, man. The...

I got another hatchet.
Don't you worry about that.

Dark as shit in here.

It's very creepy.
Let's just get
to the bunker.

What was that?
Was that a rat?

It was a looter.
What...

Behind us.

Oh, a looter! Shoot him!

- No, don't shoot!
- It's Cricket!

Ooh! No!

- Cricket!
- Oh, what are you doing down here, Cricket?

Aah! I come down to the bunker
sometimes when it rains.

Oh, we got to get him
to the hospital!

No, I ain't goin'
to no hospital.

They euthanize the homeless.
They're goddamned death camps!

- You got no hand, Cricket!
- I have a hand, Frank.

It's-It's a little...
I have a hole in it.
Big deal.

Frank, I'm gonna be
honest with you.

I don't really wanna go
to the hospital either
because...

We're gonna be there
when the hurricane hits,

and it's gonna be packed
to the gills with vagrants.

Are you out of your mind?
This man is bleeding
to death here!

You know what we could do?
We could dress him up
and take him upstairs.

Then the looters
would think he's
the owner of the bar,

and they'd have
their way with him,
and, if he died,

you know, it's on them
and-and not on us.

That-That's good.
Let's just do that.

Don't listen to him!
He's delirious!

- You're bleeding out, Cricket!
- It's nothing.
Frank, this is nothing.

Goddamn it! All right, Cricket.
All right, fine. We'll go.
We'll go to the hospital.

Frank, we are coming
right back here
after we drop him off...

to be where we are
safe in the bunker,
where we belong.

- Okay, let's go!
- Okay, get out.

You're marching me to the ovens!

Dennis!

There you are, dude.
Dude, things are getting
kind of bad in here, man.

Like, people are
all worked up, right?

I've been trying to find Mac.
He's not answering
my phone calls.

I went out to the parking lot to
see if he was out there hiding
out in the car or something.

He took off!
Car's gone!

Mmm, well, clearly,
he's evacuated
to the Poconos.

Do you really think
he'd do that to us?
Absolutely do that to us.

I don't know.
This is bad, dude.

What you got here?
What you working on?

Oh, this is great.
This is an agreement
for the women.

Yeah, it guarantees
that whoever comes back
to the bar with us...

agrees to follow
all the rules
that we set forth.

That's smart.
Walk me through the details.
What you got, Dennis?

It's all
very simple, Charlie.
Very simple stuff.

Um, "I... state your name"...
Charlie Kelly.

Hmm? Well, not your name.

Oh.
Their name.

"Being of sound mind and body,

do solemnly pledge
that I do not have
a boyfriend,

nor am I currently engaged
in a sexual relationship...

with another individual,
females excluded."
Right.

"I hereby agree to be easygoing,

to engage in playful
conversation,

to always act as though
I desire your penis
even when I don't."

Yeah.
It sort of goes on and on
like that for a while.

I love it. Where do I sign?
Again, um, you don't
sign anywhere.

If we're doing a contract,
I want to sign it, so...

This isn't a contract
for you, Charlie.
Uh, it's not?

This is a contract...

♪♪ ♪ Till now, I always
got by on my own ♪

♪ I never really cared
until I met you ♪

♪ And now it chills me
to the bone ♪

♪ How do I get you alone? ♪♪

Oh, my God.

Charlie, I might be
in love with this woman.

Not for the right
reasons, mind you.
I got an idea.

Yeah.
Let's get her back
to the bunker, right?

She's the perfect
kind of woman to start over
the new world with.

We would create a race
of super giant-breasted women,
you know?

I'd start sleeping
with your daughters.
You'd sleep with my daughters.

I'd sleep with your daughters'
daughters.

You'd sleep with my daughters'
daughters.

We die, our sons would sleep
with our daughters' daughters'
daughters.

It's like a perfect society.

I see where you're going
with that, but it sounds like
it could get a little messy.

It could get a little stick...
Let's work out a new agreement,
you know.

All right, we'll come up
with a separate agreement.
Who sleeps with whose daughter?

Okay, that sounds good.
All right, I'm gonna go
talk to this woman.

All right, okay. Okay.
All right, okay.

Um... Um...

I gotta say, man,
this woman's really
throwing me off, dude.

I feel very, very nervous.
I don't usually get nervous.

You want me
to help you out?
Yeah. No.

I'll go over there
with you.
No, no, no.

I want you to stay
as far away from me
as possible.

You're standing
too close to me
as it is actually.

Have you gotten
into the cheese?
There's a whole cheese section.

I bet there is.
I went nuts.

All right, well, you stink.
Mm-hmm. All right,
you know what?

I'll find Frank.
He'll pick us up.
Okay, yeah, go call Frank.

I'm gonna go talk to the, uh...

I don't think I can do it
dressed like this though.
I look ridiculous.

You guys, I don't mean
to be a bother, but are
we almost at the hospital?

Shut the hell up,
Cricket! Okay?

I'm driving
as fast as I can!
Do you not see that?

Move!

What are you doing, Frank?

What are you doing,
Frank?
I'm getting air.

You're sucking it all up
with your panicking.
It's freezing outside.

You're gonna catch cold,
and then everyone's gonna
get sick in the bunker.

What are you talking about?
Freezing? It's sunny as shit.

Will you calm down,
for crying out loud?

You're gonna give me
a heart attack!

Oh, all right.
Let's go.

It's Charlie. Yo!

You're shittin' me!
Huh?

God!

Mac went to the Poconos,

left them stranded
by the All American
with the supplies!

With the supplies?
No! No, no, no, no!

I'm not getting
stranded in the bunker
with no supplies!

You guys, what about me?
I'm in pain. I'm in...
Shut up!

Goddamn you, Cricket!
Goddamn you!
It's not about you!

I'm gonna pick up the guys.
I'm gonna drop you off
at the hospital.

It's gonna take
two seconds, okay?

Is that okay, Cricket,
with you? Huh?

Go!

Come on, come on!
Get outta the way!

I don't wanna die.

Don't make me
do it, Cricket.
I will slice you in half!

As you can see behind me, Larry,

the storm is really taking
its toll on weary shoppers.

The lines are still long
as frustrated customers
wait anxiously...

to return home with some
emergency supplies...

before the worst
of the storm hits.

Jackie Denardo, Channel 5 News.

We out? Good.

Hi. Hi.

It's... Hi.

I'm Dennis... Reynolds.

Hi. Hi... Dennis.

I have a bar.
I own a bar.
It's my bar.

And I wanted to invite you
to it... for...

Uh, we have food and supplies,
and it would be a good place...

This storm is gonna
be bad, as you know.

So why not be at the bar
with me, um,

and, you know,
for the good of the race?

So come to the bar and, uh...

Oh, and I have a contra...
an agreement.

Uh, excuse me, sir.
And I need you to sign...

- Yes?
- Yeah, it's about the storm.

Okay?
Storm's not
gonna hit Philly.

It's just gonna drizzle.

Really?
Yeah.

How am I supposed to
turn that into news?
I don't know.

Find some other way
to make these people
go nuts.

We need a story.
Okay, thanks.

Hey, Todd. Storm's
just been downgraded.

Apparently we're just gonna
get a light drizzle.

Goddamn it!
I have a bunker.

Maybe we can turn this
into global warming.

That always gets people
whipped up, huh?

Get-Get-Get... If you get
in the bunker with me,

then you'll be totally safe.

For the good of the race,
we can create
an entire...

Oh, my God!
Get lost, creep!

You're gonna treat me
like a dog, huh?

You're gonna
treat Cricket like a dog?

Hospital.

Hospital.

Come on. Come on.

Hurry it up.
Move it along.

He's taking forever.
We're gonna die in...

Hey, you look kind of Mayan.
You wouldn't happen to be
a Mayan, would you?

Charlie!
Charlie, there you are.

I think I found a Mayan.
We've been looking
all over for you.

Cricket's out in the car
bleeding like a pig.
Seriously?

We gotta get the supplies
right away.
I got great supplies.

I've been getting
all sorts of stuff.
Things that would...

Hey! Hey, hey!
That's my cart.

Hey, folks!
Folks, listen up!

I'm sorry, but
our credit card machines...

just went down
due to a system overload.

We can only accept cash
at this time.

What?
Shit!

- Okay, well, you got cash?
- I only have cards.

Charlie, where's the cash
I gave you?

Mac took off
with all our cash!
He just took off!

What?
We're gonna die.

I told you! I told you!

I told you we're
dependent on machines.

You guys,
once the machines go down,
then society collapses!

We're going to hell
in a handcart.

I got a plan, okay?
Let's just start
looting shit.

Let's just grab shit.
Let's just grab
whatever we can.
Yes!

No, you can't loot
until the crowd
whips up into a frenzy.

The crowd is whipped up
into a frenzy.
They just stole my cart!

I-I think the time
will be evident.

Well, what are we
waiting for?
I don't know.

Oh!

Loot! Loot!
Time to loot! Loot!
Loot! Loot!

Take everything...
and anything!

Kill the machines!

Kill the machines!

It's their fault!

Kill the machines
before they kill us!

You son of a bitch!

Come on, come on, come on.
Get it, get it, get it.

Just seconds ago, a car crashed
through the building,

and the crowd is scattering.

Despite the fact that
the storm has been
downgraded,

the people have
worked themselves into
an uncontrollable frenzy!

It's the end of days!
This is the end of days!

Pandemonium has struck!

Come to the bunker!
Come to the bunker!

Dennis, I got her!
Dennis, I got her!

Son of a bitch!

Is this the hospital?

This isn't a hospital.

3-D boobies.

Now this is news.

Ahora, esta tormenta
no ha pasado todavía.

Por favor, vayan a la tienda.

Agarren las cosas
que necesiten para...

English - US - Line 21