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1
00:00:02,769 --> 00:00:05,770
Hey, guys, why are the urinals
filled with rocks?
2
00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:07,834
Oh, 'cause I put a bunch
of rocks in them.
3
00:00:07,858 --> 00:00:10,341
Oh. Okay, why?
4
00:00:10,410 --> 00:00:13,205
Well, you know how
they were broken, so I was,
like, filling them with ice?
5
00:00:13,229 --> 00:00:16,297
Now the ice machine's broken,
so I'm just filling 'em up
with rocks.
6
00:00:16,366 --> 00:00:18,333
You know that doesn't
make any sense, right?
7
00:00:18,402 --> 00:00:20,168
Replacing the ice with rocks?
8
00:00:20,237 --> 00:00:21,715
The ice actually
served a purpose, Cha...
9
00:00:21,739 --> 00:00:23,472
Oh! Oh, God!
10
00:00:23,541 --> 00:00:25,140
Oh, something just dripped
in my mouth!
11
00:00:25,208 --> 00:00:26,753
Yeah.
Ceiling is leaking.
12
00:00:26,777 --> 00:00:30,061
Oh, that's gross.
What'd it taste like?
13
00:00:30,130 --> 00:00:32,542
What'd it taste like?
Who gives a shit
what it tasted like, Frank?
14
00:00:32,566 --> 00:00:34,066
Dude, what the hell?
15
00:00:34,134 --> 00:00:35,679
You have been docking
our paychecks lately...
16
00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:37,869
so that you could pay
for shit like this
around the bar.
17
00:00:37,938 --> 00:00:39,666
- Why is nothing fixed?
- Yeah, by the way,
18
00:00:39,690 --> 00:00:42,057
I never agreed to let you
dock my paycheck.
19
00:00:42,126 --> 00:00:44,470
That seems like something
we should all vote on.
20
00:00:44,494 --> 00:00:46,305
It costs money
to run this place...
21
00:00:46,329 --> 00:00:47,813
and keep it neat...
22
00:00:47,882 --> 00:00:49,531
Hey, oh!
23
00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:51,700
What's up, bitches?
24
00:00:51,768 --> 00:00:53,401
What the shit is this?
25
00:00:53,470 --> 00:00:55,754
New scooter.
My surrogate money came in.
26
00:00:55,822 --> 00:00:57,706
Thirty G's, babies.
27
00:00:57,775 --> 00:00:59,585
- Oh, sweet.
Where's our cut?
- Your cut?
28
00:00:59,609 --> 00:01:01,387
Whoa! Hey, Mac makes
a really good point.
29
00:01:01,411 --> 00:01:03,623
Yeah, we worked
our asses off on
that baby scheme of yours.
30
00:01:03,647 --> 00:01:05,492
Give us part of the money
that you made.
31
00:01:05,516 --> 00:01:08,196
What the hell
are you talking about?
You did nothing for nine months.
32
00:01:08,251 --> 00:01:11,386
Get out! You couldn't have
pulled something like that off
without us.
33
00:01:11,455 --> 00:01:13,500
Yeah, they drove you
to the hospital,
they picked you up...
34
00:01:13,524 --> 00:01:15,290
I was there, I recall.
35
00:01:15,359 --> 00:01:18,376
Okay, I made all the contacts.
I pushed that
little monkey out,
36
00:01:18,446 --> 00:01:21,046
and now I'm going to be
claiming him as a dependent...
37
00:01:21,114 --> 00:01:23,248
and getting tax breaks
for the next 18 years.
38
00:01:23,317 --> 00:01:27,152
So you talk about a scheme?
How's that for
a long-term scheme, bitches?
39
00:01:27,220 --> 00:01:29,387
Uh, you guys
all better eat a dick,
40
00:01:29,457 --> 00:01:33,141
'cause Sweet Dee
beat the system.
41
00:01:59,670 --> 00:02:01,603
Ooh! No, no, no.
Lady, sorry.
42
00:02:01,672 --> 00:02:03,216
Get out.
43
00:02:03,240 --> 00:02:04,818
Whatever god you're selling,
I ain't buying it.
44
00:02:04,842 --> 00:02:07,676
Miss Reynolds,
I'm with the I.R.S.
45
00:02:07,745 --> 00:02:09,355
We've been trying
to contact you for months.
46
00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:11,113
Have you not received
any of our letters?
47
00:02:11,181 --> 00:02:13,281
Letters?
What is it, 1986?
48
00:02:13,350 --> 00:02:15,628
I don't do letters, lady.
I'm all digital.
49
00:02:15,652 --> 00:02:17,319
Well, if you had
opened up the letters,
50
00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:19,872
you would understand
that you're being audited.
51
00:02:19,940 --> 00:02:21,651
Audited? Why?
What are you talking about?
52
00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:23,703
I'm not scamming the government,
if that's what you're saying.
53
00:02:23,727 --> 00:02:26,278
Your license plate says
"SCAMMIN'."
54
00:02:26,346 --> 00:02:28,764
Uh, no.
55
00:02:28,832 --> 00:02:30,315
What do you mean, no?
56
00:02:31,768 --> 00:02:33,001
Yes.
57
00:02:34,622 --> 00:02:38,823
Okay. I want to talk to you
about this dependent
that you're claiming...
58
00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:41,543
This, uh, Barnabas Reynolds.
59
00:02:41,611 --> 00:02:43,861
Yes, I would love that.
60
00:02:43,930 --> 00:02:45,475
I would love that...
61
00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:48,032
because I love to talk
about little Barney. I do.
62
00:02:48,101 --> 00:02:50,702
But now's not a great time.
You know what I mean?
63
00:02:50,771 --> 00:02:53,272
Because I-I left him
in the car...
64
00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:54,951
With the window down, of course.
65
00:02:54,975 --> 00:02:57,170
It's hot.
It's hot, isn't it?
66
00:02:57,194 --> 00:02:59,093
Well, is there a better time?
67
00:02:59,162 --> 00:03:01,212
Would 3:00 work?
68
00:03:01,281 --> 00:03:02,658
3:00 sounds great.
69
00:03:02,682 --> 00:03:04,799
I can't wait for 3:00.
70
00:03:08,672 --> 00:03:10,989
Hey, Frank.
We need to talk.
71
00:03:11,058 --> 00:03:13,369
We don't want you making
any major bar decisions
alone anymore,
72
00:03:13,393 --> 00:03:15,087
because you're sleazy
and we don't trust you.
73
00:03:15,111 --> 00:03:18,146
Yeah, we want to vote
on things now, okay?
We want a democracy.
74
00:03:18,215 --> 00:03:20,148
Well, that ain't gonna work.
75
00:03:20,216 --> 00:03:23,062
Because you guys get
really emotional
about everything.
76
00:03:23,086 --> 00:03:25,987
You'll start
arguing about shit,
and nothing will get done.
77
00:03:26,055 --> 00:03:28,068
We know
we're emotional people,
and we've discussed that.
78
00:03:28,092 --> 00:03:29,636
We think we have a solution.
79
00:03:29,660 --> 00:03:31,370
We're going to have
a daily meeting...
80
00:03:31,394 --> 00:03:33,172
where we will discuss
all bar matters.
81
00:03:33,196 --> 00:03:35,563
Emotion will be suppressed,
and reason will prevail.
82
00:03:35,633 --> 00:03:37,398
Reason will prevail!
83
00:03:37,467 --> 00:03:40,146
Yeah, we decided also
that we would say
"reason will prevail,"
84
00:03:40,170 --> 00:03:42,530
- every time someone says...
- Reason will prevail!
85
00:03:42,572 --> 00:03:44,117
You don't have to say it
right now...
86
00:03:44,141 --> 00:03:45,919
because I'm just
explaining to Frank
that reason will prevail.
87
00:03:45,943 --> 00:03:48,622
Reason will prevail!
Again, you don't
have to say it right now.
88
00:03:48,646 --> 00:03:51,424
If we're going to say it,
we're gonna say it every time.
If you made up the rule...
89
00:03:51,448 --> 00:03:52,993
Hold it, hold it.
90
00:03:53,017 --> 00:03:55,717
Okay, I'll tell you what.
I like this.
91
00:03:55,786 --> 00:03:56,929
You do?
Yeah.
92
00:03:56,953 --> 00:03:58,564
We should definitely do this...
93
00:03:58,588 --> 00:04:01,189
to make everything fair,
everything aboveboard.
94
00:04:01,258 --> 00:04:03,069
Let's go do it in there.
Come on.
95
00:04:03,093 --> 00:04:05,727
The first meeting
of Paddy's Congress...
96
00:04:05,796 --> 00:04:08,007
shall commence henceforth.
97
00:04:08,031 --> 00:04:09,630
Oh, first order of business.
98
00:04:09,699 --> 00:04:11,777
Yeah?
Let's talk about
how Frank handles the money.
99
00:04:11,801 --> 00:04:13,445
Yes.
Money, money, money,
money, money, money.
100
00:04:13,469 --> 00:04:15,615
Oh, whoa, whoa.
I know we gotta talk
about the money,
101
00:04:15,639 --> 00:04:17,955
but there are other issues
that are pressing too.
102
00:04:18,024 --> 00:04:21,020
- Like what, dude?
- Like one that comes
to mind is the dead dog.
103
00:04:21,044 --> 00:04:22,427
What dead dog?
104
00:04:22,496 --> 00:04:24,707
The dead dog in the alley.
It's been there
for about a week.
105
00:04:24,731 --> 00:04:27,443
Yeah, and we decided
that Charlie was gonna
throw it in the trash.
106
00:04:27,467 --> 00:04:29,362
No, you decided that.
We never got a vote.
107
00:04:29,386 --> 00:04:30,930
If Mac and I got
to vote on that,
108
00:04:30,954 --> 00:04:33,533
we would have voted to,
like, you know,
have a proper dog burial.
109
00:04:33,557 --> 00:04:36,057
That's a waste of time
and resources.
110
00:04:36,126 --> 00:04:38,237
Okay. Well, hold on
a second there, Frank.
111
00:04:38,261 --> 00:04:40,628
Let's put our new process
into action.
112
00:04:40,698 --> 00:04:43,360
I think the guys
should have an opportunity
to state their case...
113
00:04:43,384 --> 00:04:45,528
in a rational
and unemotional way.
114
00:04:45,552 --> 00:04:47,168
Guys, you have the floor.
115
00:04:47,237 --> 00:04:49,321
Yeah.
All right, sure.
Easy. Yeah.
116
00:04:49,389 --> 00:04:50,933
Yeah, all right.
No problem.
Okay.
117
00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:52,457
Uh, okay.
118
00:04:52,526 --> 00:04:54,826
Sometimes dogs die.
119
00:04:55,762 --> 00:04:57,995
Right! Um...
120
00:04:58,064 --> 00:05:00,131
Dogs, uh,
121
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:04,135
die from cars sometimes,
sometimes not.
122
00:05:04,204 --> 00:05:05,970
There's also disease.
123
00:05:06,039 --> 00:05:10,107
There's also disease
in America and abroad.
124
00:05:12,029 --> 00:05:13,711
Many dogs...
125
00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:17,349
Goddamn it!
I don't know how
to express myself...
126
00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:19,100
unless through anger
and personal attack!
127
00:05:19,169 --> 00:05:21,314
I'm getting upset because
I'm not saying it right!
All right, guys.
128
00:05:21,338 --> 00:05:24,239
I want a dog funeral!
Guys, calm down.
129
00:05:24,307 --> 00:05:27,653
I'm going to step in here,
and I'm gonna speak for you
for a moment, if I may.
130
00:05:27,677 --> 00:05:30,656
I don't think it's
a good idea for us to spend
all of our hard-earned cash...
131
00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:33,348
on some ornate display
for the disposal...
132
00:05:33,416 --> 00:05:35,428
of what amounts
to an animal carcass,
133
00:05:35,452 --> 00:05:38,086
an animal that we never knew...
134
00:05:38,155 --> 00:05:39,955
or had a relationship with.
135
00:05:40,023 --> 00:05:43,369
I'm gonna go ahead and say
that I think we should
just throw it in a Dumpster.
136
00:05:43,393 --> 00:05:45,371
Come on!
No.
But, but, but...
137
00:05:45,395 --> 00:05:47,307
We'll have a candle on site.
We'll light it.
138
00:05:47,331 --> 00:05:50,398
We'll have a boom box there,
and you guys can say
a few words.
139
00:05:50,467 --> 00:05:52,584
Huh.
140
00:05:52,653 --> 00:05:54,519
I don't love it.
Me neither.
141
00:05:54,588 --> 00:05:57,622
But that dog
is turning into hot soup
out there in the sun.
142
00:05:58,625 --> 00:05:59,641
Okay.
143
00:05:59,709 --> 00:06:01,893
- Frank?
- Fine.
144
00:06:01,961 --> 00:06:03,956
Okay!
Hey! It works.
145
00:06:03,980 --> 00:06:06,776
See, Frank? We can get
through these issues
and be unemotional about it.
146
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,978
That's one issue
off the docket right there.
Next issue...
147
00:06:09,002 --> 00:06:10,696
Let's talk
about the money.
Money!
148
00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:12,498
Oh, yes, we're gonna
talk about the money,
149
00:06:12,522 --> 00:06:15,802
but we have a list
of things on the docket here
that we gotta check off,
150
00:06:15,826 --> 00:06:17,837
and if we're
gonna do it right,
we're gonna do it right.
151
00:06:17,861 --> 00:06:21,007
And the next thing
on the list is limes
and how we slice them.
152
00:06:21,031 --> 00:06:22,547
Thick or thin?
153
00:06:22,616 --> 00:06:24,744
Let's talk
about the limes, guys.
We'll keep emotion out of it.
154
00:06:24,768 --> 00:06:26,912
- Reason will prevail.
- Reason will prevail.
155
00:06:26,936 --> 00:06:28,748
I think the limes
should be cut
a bit thinner.
156
00:06:28,772 --> 00:06:30,421
What the hell?
Thin limes?
157
00:06:30,490 --> 00:06:33,091
People will choke!
People will die!
158
00:06:33,159 --> 00:06:35,221
Calm dow...
Charlie, Charlie,
take emotion out of it.
159
00:06:35,245 --> 00:06:38,579
Charlie's got a point!
One of the cornerstones
of Paddy's Pub is thick limes.
160
00:06:38,648 --> 00:06:40,076
Yeah!
Don't tell me...
161
00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:42,383
I'm gonna put my thumb
through your eye,
you little bitch!
162
00:06:42,452 --> 00:06:44,363
No, no, no. Shh.
Stay calm, stay...
163
00:06:44,387 --> 00:06:46,449
Hey, hey, hey,
look at me.
Look at me, eh?
164
00:06:46,473 --> 00:06:48,673
Stay calm with me, okay?
Be unemotional.
165
00:06:48,708 --> 00:06:51,442
Let's-Let's be democratic.
166
00:06:51,511 --> 00:06:54,379
Let's put this thing
to a vote.
A vote?
167
00:06:54,447 --> 00:06:57,081
A vote solves everything
in a democracy, does it not?
168
00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:58,533
Yes.
So,
169
00:06:58,602 --> 00:07:00,935
all for thinner limes,
raise your hands.
170
00:07:02,039 --> 00:07:04,405
And all for thicker limes,
raise your hands.
171
00:07:04,474 --> 00:07:07,220
Now there you go.
That's a democracy
in action.
172
00:07:07,244 --> 00:07:10,412
That's two votes
against two votes.
173
00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:14,482
A perfect example
of when democracy
has failed.
174
00:07:27,413 --> 00:07:28,913
Good news, Dee!
175
00:07:28,982 --> 00:07:30,510
We have decided to occasionally
let you vote...
176
00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:33,068
on some pressing matters
in the bar, as we see fit.
177
00:07:33,136 --> 00:07:35,520
- What?
- Where do you land
on thick limes or thin limes?
178
00:07:35,589 --> 00:07:37,254
And try and keep your emotions
out of it,
179
00:07:37,323 --> 00:07:40,003
- even though people
could choke and die.
- What are you talking about?
180
00:07:40,027 --> 00:07:41,676
What's...
What's going on in here?
181
00:07:41,744 --> 00:07:43,389
Are you having another baby?
No! No.
182
00:07:43,413 --> 00:07:44,941
It's fine, okay?
I have it all under control.
183
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:47,332
I'm getting audited.
184
00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:49,200
Audited?
Oh, she's screwed.
185
00:07:49,269 --> 00:07:50,996
That's a tax thing?
I'm not screwed.
186
00:07:51,020 --> 00:07:52,998
I got it all
under control.
I've got a handle on it.
187
00:07:53,022 --> 00:07:55,168
I just gotta find a baby
by 3:00 in the afternoon.
188
00:07:55,192 --> 00:07:57,842
Just get out.
Just get out now.
Hmm!
189
00:07:57,911 --> 00:08:00,490
A vote for thin limes
would get me out
of your apartment.
190
00:08:00,514 --> 00:08:02,447
Better yet,
a vote for thick limes...
191
00:08:02,516 --> 00:08:05,350
I'll throw myself
full force into this
little baby caper of yours.
192
00:08:05,418 --> 00:08:07,919
I don't need your help.
Look, Dee, you need our help.
193
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:09,988
We need your help.
Let's work something out here.
194
00:08:10,056 --> 00:08:12,918
I don't know which stance you're
gonna do, and I wanna do it.
Stop standing like me.
195
00:08:12,942 --> 00:08:16,071
Okay, yeah. Let's help
each other out, okay?
I got an idea.
196
00:08:16,095 --> 00:08:19,041
You guys go magically
find me a baby by 3:00
in the afternoon,
197
00:08:19,065 --> 00:08:21,911
and then I'll...
I'll help you out
with your lime problem.
198
00:08:21,935 --> 00:08:23,218
Okay.
Yeah.
199
00:08:23,287 --> 00:08:24,785
What?
200
00:08:24,854 --> 00:08:27,233
We can get you a baby.
Yeah, you want,
we'll get you a baby.
201
00:08:27,257 --> 00:08:29,641
No magic required.
How many babies you need?
202
00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:32,226
Just the one baby.
How long? Couple hours?
203
00:08:32,295 --> 00:08:34,390
3:00 this afternoon.
No, no.
How long you need it for?
204
00:08:34,414 --> 00:08:37,481
You want it for life or you...
Just a short-time baby.
205
00:08:37,550 --> 00:08:40,752
Easy.
Oh, my God, you guys,
this is so exciting.
206
00:08:40,821 --> 00:08:43,432
Oh, this is amazing.
You have no idea
how much you're helping me.
207
00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:48,426
Okay, let's see. Um...
All right, I tell you what.
208
00:08:48,494 --> 00:08:51,054
Here's how to handle
your lime situation.
209
00:08:51,297 --> 00:08:53,130
It has been decided.
210
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:55,400
We are now the Pickle Party...
211
00:08:55,469 --> 00:08:57,235
and Dee has joined us.
212
00:08:57,303 --> 00:09:00,321
We are going to vote for pickles
in the bar instead of limes.
213
00:09:00,390 --> 00:09:02,440
What are you talking about?
It doesn't matter.
214
00:09:02,509 --> 00:09:05,510
The point is, our three votes
will always beat your two.
215
00:09:05,579 --> 00:09:08,224
We win, dude.
Give me a beer
with a pickle in it.
216
00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:11,144
Well, what happens
when you three disagree
with each other?
217
00:09:11,168 --> 00:09:13,763
We're not going to disagree.
That is the point
of the Pickle Party.
218
00:09:13,787 --> 00:09:15,548
We're very aligned
on these issues.
219
00:09:15,572 --> 00:09:17,116
You can't just start
your own party.
220
00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:18,717
- You got to talk to people...
- Yes, you can.
221
00:09:18,741 --> 00:09:20,875
If you're not as educated
or as informed,
222
00:09:20,944 --> 00:09:23,656
what you do is you
start your own party
and you yell the loudest.
223
00:09:23,680 --> 00:09:25,029
We want attention!
224
00:09:25,098 --> 00:09:27,148
O-O-Okay.
All right. Yeah, sure.
225
00:09:27,216 --> 00:09:29,450
No, you're the Pickle Party.
Great.
226
00:09:29,519 --> 00:09:31,730
Okay, so let's just
accept that and move on.
227
00:09:31,754 --> 00:09:33,454
Yes, Frank, move on.
228
00:09:33,523 --> 00:09:36,741
- Reason will prevail.
- Pickles will prevail!
229
00:09:37,794 --> 00:09:39,960
Okay, well, the next issue
on our list...
230
00:09:40,029 --> 00:09:45,166
should be a pretty easy one
for the Pickle Party
to agree on.
231
00:09:45,235 --> 00:09:47,502
"A crucifix in the bar."
232
00:09:47,571 --> 00:09:50,037
Ah! You are right.
This is an easy one.
233
00:09:50,106 --> 00:09:53,207
Why wouldn't we have
a crucifix in the bar?
'Cause we're a bar.
234
00:09:53,276 --> 00:09:57,562
W... Right, but we're
an Irish Catholic bar.
We're an Irish bar.
235
00:09:57,631 --> 00:09:59,113
Yeah, Irish Catholic bar,
236
00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:00,831
and therefore
a giant wooden crucifix...
237
00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:02,528
is a celebration
of our heritage.
Giant?
238
00:10:02,552 --> 00:10:05,503
Yeah.
How big of a crucifix
do you want?
239
00:10:05,571 --> 00:10:08,556
Big.
It should be the centerpiece
of the whole room.
240
00:10:08,624 --> 00:10:10,369
I mean, it should dominate
every conversation.
241
00:10:10,393 --> 00:10:13,194
That's gonna be terrifying.
It should be terrifying.
242
00:10:13,263 --> 00:10:14,874
That's how you know
God loves you, Charlie.
243
00:10:14,898 --> 00:10:17,281
I don't want a giant,
bloody man...
244
00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:20,034
in the bar
scaring the customers,
and most importantly, me!
245
00:10:20,103 --> 00:10:21,781
You see that, Frank?
I saw it.
246
00:10:21,805 --> 00:10:23,971
I just played them
like a fiddle.
247
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,191
- A goddamn fiddle.
- What do you want?
248
00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:28,159
I want in on the action.
249
00:10:28,228 --> 00:10:31,829
Whatever it is that you
got going on around here,
I want a piece of it.
250
00:10:31,898 --> 00:10:33,765
Okay? You see, Frank,
251
00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:36,684
you might not know this,
but you need me.
252
00:10:36,753 --> 00:10:38,887
People don't trust you, Frank.
253
00:10:38,955 --> 00:10:40,488
You're a piece of shit...
254
00:10:40,556 --> 00:10:44,175
and you're ugly
and you ooze sleaze
and you're very, very ugly.
255
00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:46,764
All right, I'm gonna
make you my puppet.
256
00:10:47,296 --> 00:10:49,214
Right here.
Puppet.
257
00:10:49,282 --> 00:10:51,894
Look, I've been cooking
the books in the bar
for years.
258
00:10:51,918 --> 00:10:55,269
I freaking knew it.
All kinds of avenues
and shell corporations.
259
00:10:55,338 --> 00:10:57,049
It's all fake,
and it's all in here.
260
00:10:57,073 --> 00:10:59,073
Let me see.
Check it out. Right there.
261
00:10:59,142 --> 00:11:00,992
Oh, man. Holy shit.
262
00:11:01,060 --> 00:11:03,361
What-What is this one?
"Wolf Cola"?
263
00:11:03,429 --> 00:11:04,607
Wolf Cola.
Mm-hmm.
264
00:11:04,631 --> 00:11:07,210
That's a bogus
soda distributor.
I made it up.
265
00:11:07,234 --> 00:11:09,283
Yeah, it's fake!
266
00:11:09,352 --> 00:11:13,922
The whole idea is,
the more corporations
that you can plant offshore...
267
00:11:13,990 --> 00:11:16,269
Right.
the more money
you can rake in.
268
00:11:16,293 --> 00:11:18,376
Da-da-da!
I don't care about
any of these details,
269
00:11:18,444 --> 00:11:20,111
but I like these figures
I'm seeing.
270
00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:21,746
I'll be the puppet
and do my dance,
271
00:11:21,814 --> 00:11:23,508
and you can keep
the goddamn details to yourself.
272
00:11:23,532 --> 00:11:25,366
Uh!
273
00:11:25,435 --> 00:11:28,555
I don't think I hear
any arguing out there.
274
00:11:29,256 --> 00:11:31,205
So we can have the crucifix,
275
00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:35,075
but it needs to be
in the back of the bar.
276
00:11:35,144 --> 00:11:36,911
See, I can live with that.
277
00:11:36,979 --> 00:11:38,291
That's a compromise
right there, man.
278
00:11:38,315 --> 00:11:39,708
All right!
279
00:11:39,732 --> 00:11:41,066
Pickle Party compromise!
280
00:11:41,134 --> 00:11:43,334
Huh, huh, huh!
Tasteful Crucifix party.
281
00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:45,686
Hey, hey, hey! All right!
282
00:11:45,755 --> 00:11:47,300
Sounds like you guys
came to a compromise.
283
00:11:47,324 --> 00:11:50,024
That's great.
We cross the crucifix issue
off the list.
284
00:11:50,093 --> 00:11:51,592
One quick question
before I do though.
285
00:11:51,661 --> 00:11:53,561
How bloody is this guy gonna be?
286
00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:55,224
Not bloody at all.
Very bloody.
287
00:11:55,248 --> 00:11:57,743
- What?
- He's gotta be drenched
in blood.
288
00:11:57,767 --> 00:11:59,367
I mean, covered in blood.
289
00:11:59,436 --> 00:12:01,736
Why?
That's the whole point.
290
00:12:01,805 --> 00:12:05,072
You need to see
the wounds of Christ.
Oh, my God, dude.
291
00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:07,653
It's bad enough I'm gonna
let you put the stupid cross
up in the first place.
292
00:12:07,677 --> 00:12:10,378
Stupid cross?
You son of a bitch, I knew it!
I knew it!
293
00:12:12,198 --> 00:12:15,516
It's a massacre!
I don't want to look
at a massacre!
294
00:12:19,255 --> 00:12:22,423
So, according to our records,
295
00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:27,861
you are claiming a dependent
for which you have
no official documentation.
296
00:12:30,283 --> 00:12:31,432
Yes?
297
00:12:35,372 --> 00:12:37,288
Mmm.
298
00:12:37,357 --> 00:12:40,308
Are you okay?
You're sweating profusely.
299
00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:43,828
Oh, no. Yes. Yes.
300
00:12:43,896 --> 00:12:47,131
I, um... I'm just very worried.
301
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,067
You know, the babysitters...
302
00:12:49,135 --> 00:12:52,536
were supposed to bring
the baby back by 3:00,
and, uh...
303
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:56,090
Where are you?
Where are you guys?
304
00:12:56,159 --> 00:12:57,636
I understand.
305
00:12:57,660 --> 00:12:59,438
Crying baby!
Crying baby here!
306
00:12:59,462 --> 00:13:01,506
There's my sweet baby.
Excuse me, won't you?
307
00:13:01,530 --> 00:13:03,831
Come on. Let's go.
308
00:13:03,900 --> 00:13:07,652
You guys!
You've got a baby.
Where did you find a baby?
309
00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:09,799
Oh, you guys,
I love you so much.
Where did you...
310
00:13:09,823 --> 00:13:13,169
Okay, Dee, which crucifix
do you find more tasteful?
311
00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:16,511
Are out of your goddamn minds?
What is this?
Where's the baby?
312
00:13:16,580 --> 00:13:19,892
Do you wanna add kidnapping
on top of all the other shit
you got going on right now?
313
00:13:19,916 --> 00:13:21,833
We had a plan.
We had a plan.
314
00:13:21,901 --> 00:13:24,180
She's totally
buying it, okay?
Come on. Make a decision.
315
00:13:24,204 --> 00:13:26,587
Yeah, but for how long?
She could be out there
for hours,
316
00:13:26,656 --> 00:13:29,006
and I have to produce
a real baby!
317
00:13:29,075 --> 00:13:30,742
Stop thinking
about your problems,
318
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:32,905
and start thinking
about our problems.
319
00:13:32,929 --> 00:13:35,049
You know, calm...
Calm down. Calm down.
320
00:13:35,081 --> 00:13:37,142
You are so emotional
right now.
And so wet too.
321
00:13:37,166 --> 00:13:38,666
Oh, my God, I'm gonna kill you.
322
00:13:38,735 --> 00:13:40,713
Okay, just shut up
for a second.
Let me think.
323
00:13:40,737 --> 00:13:42,403
All right, yes.
Go to the bar.
324
00:13:42,472 --> 00:13:45,350
That'll get me out of here
and buy me some time
to get this bitch off my balls.
325
00:13:45,374 --> 00:13:47,007
Bye!
326
00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:49,560
Very, very sick baby.
Very sick baby!
327
00:13:49,629 --> 00:13:51,440
It's so sad when
they don't feel well,
isn't it?
328
00:13:51,464 --> 00:13:54,026
Lock up, won't you,
on your way out?
And let's definitely reschedule.
329
00:13:54,050 --> 00:13:56,484
Let's do. Shh!
330
00:13:59,956 --> 00:14:02,306
Hey, yeah, so I was
thinking about my title.
331
00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:06,244
Because I think
it should be Vice President
of Worldwide Distribution.
332
00:14:06,312 --> 00:14:07,912
But you don't need a title.
333
00:14:07,981 --> 00:14:11,076
What I need you to do
for the next three weeks
is deflect Mac and Charlie.
334
00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:13,617
That's easy.
I can do that, Frank.
That's what I'm good at.
335
00:14:13,687 --> 00:14:15,169
But I am gonna need
a business card,
336
00:14:15,237 --> 00:14:17,283
'cause I want to be able
to hand that shit to people...
337
00:14:17,307 --> 00:14:19,356
so they know
that I am in a place of power.
338
00:14:19,425 --> 00:14:22,810
It's not important.
It's important to me,
Frank!
339
00:14:22,878 --> 00:14:25,246
And I know that what's important
to you is money and power,
340
00:14:25,315 --> 00:14:28,782
but I don't want real power,
because with real power
comes real responsibility,
341
00:14:28,851 --> 00:14:30,818
and I don't want
any of that shit.
342
00:14:30,886 --> 00:14:35,122
I just want the money
and the illusion of power.
343
00:14:35,191 --> 00:14:36,707
And puss.
344
00:14:36,776 --> 00:14:40,428
What?
Hell, I don't know, Frank.
I don't know, man.
345
00:14:40,496 --> 00:14:42,864
What?
Tell me. Tell me.
346
00:14:42,932 --> 00:14:45,299
I need something.
347
00:14:45,368 --> 00:14:47,034
I mean, I got this, uh...
348
00:14:48,104 --> 00:14:50,271
This giant gaping hole
inside me.
349
00:14:50,340 --> 00:14:52,523
Oh.
And I'm...
350
00:14:52,592 --> 00:14:55,960
I'm always trying to fill it...
with something.
351
00:14:57,230 --> 00:15:00,999
I like to call it my, uh...
my God hole.
352
00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:03,112
Oh.
And I think a lot of people
in this world,
353
00:15:03,136 --> 00:15:05,636
they-they fill it with religion.
354
00:15:05,705 --> 00:15:07,354
But I don't believe in God.
355
00:15:07,423 --> 00:15:09,001
But you want to fill it
with pussy.
356
00:15:09,025 --> 00:15:10,575
Yeah.
357
00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:13,377
- Yo!
- Hey, Dennis and Frank, you here?
358
00:15:13,446 --> 00:15:15,196
Yeah, oh, oh! Good.
359
00:15:15,264 --> 00:15:17,365
Guys, we gotta help Dee
with her tax audit situation.
360
00:15:17,434 --> 00:15:19,314
So, Dennis, please,
if you could take the floor.
361
00:15:19,369 --> 00:15:22,386
W-Wait, wait.
What tax audit situation?
362
00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:24,850
Oh, right.
Okay, so Dee's baby scheme
blew up in her face,
363
00:15:24,874 --> 00:15:26,418
and now she's getting audited.
364
00:15:26,442 --> 00:15:28,804
Deandra,
did you tell the I.R.S.
you work here?
365
00:15:28,828 --> 00:15:32,263
- Of course I did.
- We can't have the I.R.S.
looking around our books.
366
00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:34,509
- Why? What's wrong
with our books?
- Let me step in here.
367
00:15:34,533 --> 00:15:36,100
Um, I think what
you're trying to say...
368
00:15:36,168 --> 00:15:39,086
is that the I.R.S. poking
around our bar business
is no good for anyone.
369
00:15:39,154 --> 00:15:41,472
Look, it's gonna be
best for all of us...
370
00:15:41,540 --> 00:15:43,624
to get the I.R.S.
off of Dee's back.
371
00:15:43,693 --> 00:15:45,159
Okay.
372
00:15:45,227 --> 00:15:48,313
So, as the only rational
and emotionless person here,
373
00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:50,259
I'm gonna tell you guys
what we need to do.
374
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:54,385
See, you've all been trying
to convince the I.R.S.
that Dee's baby is alive.
375
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:56,165
What you really need
to be doing...
376
00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:59,557
is convincing the I.R.S.
that Dee's baby...
377
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,241
is dead.
378
00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:07,415
♪♪
379
00:16:09,519 --> 00:16:11,618
This is dark.
380
00:16:11,687 --> 00:16:14,887
Darkest thing
we've ever done.
Mm-hmm.
381
00:16:18,994 --> 00:16:20,661
Uh, hello.
382
00:16:20,729 --> 00:16:23,481
I'm looking for Dee Reynolds.
Yes.
383
00:16:23,550 --> 00:16:26,329
Won't you have
a seat please?
What's going on?
384
00:16:26,353 --> 00:16:29,653
Baby croaked.
Oh, uh, yes.
385
00:16:29,722 --> 00:16:31,955
Oh... Oh, my God.
386
00:16:32,024 --> 00:16:34,741
This is insane, right?
Mm-hmm.
387
00:16:34,810 --> 00:16:36,477
I mean, this definitely feels...
388
00:16:36,546 --> 00:16:38,757
like emotion
trumping reason, correct?
Yep.
389
00:16:38,781 --> 00:16:40,281
Also, dude, I'm sorry,
390
00:16:40,349 --> 00:16:42,327
but is this the size
you had in mind?
391
00:16:42,351 --> 00:16:43,912
Yes.
392
00:16:43,936 --> 00:16:45,953
It's too big.
It's not too big.
393
00:16:46,022 --> 00:16:48,267
You should just
be happy I didn't
spray it down yet.
394
00:16:48,291 --> 00:16:51,008
No. you're not getting
any more blood.
That's it.
395
00:16:51,077 --> 00:16:53,160
"He was my sweet angel."
396
00:16:53,229 --> 00:16:55,963
All right, Dee, here we go.
It's showtime.
Are you ready?
397
00:16:56,032 --> 00:16:59,400
I'm getting nervous, Dennis,
'cause I don't think I can do
the speech that you wrote.
398
00:16:59,469 --> 00:17:03,004
Let me hear some of it.
And this is the thing.
I can't cry on command.
399
00:17:03,072 --> 00:17:04,739
Jesus Christ, Dee.
400
00:17:04,807 --> 00:17:07,441
I mean, how are you planning
on becoming an actress at all?
401
00:17:07,510 --> 00:17:09,454
You can't make people laugh,
'cause you're not funny.
402
00:17:09,478 --> 00:17:11,329
You can't cry on command.
What can you do?
403
00:17:11,398 --> 00:17:13,793
I-I can try harder,
but it's just that...
All right, well,
404
00:17:13,817 --> 00:17:17,034
the good news is
I anticipated this
so I brought...
405
00:17:17,103 --> 00:17:18,848
What's that?
Little bit of chili powder.
406
00:17:18,872 --> 00:17:22,089
I'm gonna blow this
directly into your eyes,
and trust me, you'll cry.
407
00:17:22,158 --> 00:17:23,924
Wait. Is that safe though?
Is this...
408
00:17:23,993 --> 00:17:26,793
Well, it's...
You know, it's safe enough.
Let's give it a try, shall we?
409
00:17:26,829 --> 00:17:29,124
Aaah! What...
No, no, no, no, no, no!
Shh, shh, shh.
410
00:17:29,148 --> 00:17:30,448
Oh, shit!
411
00:17:30,516 --> 00:17:32,127
Shh, shh, shh.
412
00:17:32,151 --> 00:17:34,263
Okay, listen, listen, listen.
Save it, save it!
413
00:17:34,287 --> 00:17:36,770
We're starting. Ready?
We're starting, Dee.
Break a leg.
414
00:17:36,839 --> 00:17:39,590
♪♪
415
00:17:44,663 --> 00:17:46,964
Son of a...
416
00:17:47,033 --> 00:17:48,643
It's really heavy.
What did Frank
put in there?
417
00:17:48,667 --> 00:17:50,167
The urinal rocks.
418
00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:52,331
Oh. Coming in handy,
huh?
Yeah.
419
00:17:52,355 --> 00:17:54,049
Oh, this is a very sad day...
420
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:58,276
for the entire
Paddy's Pub family.
Mm-hmm.
421
00:17:58,344 --> 00:18:00,478
At times like this, I...
422
00:18:00,546 --> 00:18:04,482
I like to quench my thirst
with a delicious Wolf Cola.
423
00:18:07,269 --> 00:18:09,509
Ahh! There's
nothing like that...
424
00:18:10,306 --> 00:18:11,805
to wash away the sorrow.
425
00:18:11,874 --> 00:18:13,424
Hear, hear.
426
00:18:13,493 --> 00:18:14,570
That's my bit.
427
00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:18,395
Now it's time
for the grieving mother.
428
00:18:18,465 --> 00:18:20,142
Uh... Oh...
429
00:18:20,166 --> 00:18:21,648
Hello, everyone.
430
00:18:21,717 --> 00:18:23,167
Ah, God.
431
00:18:23,235 --> 00:18:25,336
Thank you so much for coming.
432
00:18:25,405 --> 00:18:28,906
It's such a sad day, isn't it?
433
00:18:28,974 --> 00:18:31,141
Oh, little Barney!
434
00:18:31,210 --> 00:18:34,011
You were my special angel.
435
00:18:34,079 --> 00:18:36,319
And only angels can fly.
Good God. Sorry.
436
00:18:36,382 --> 00:18:38,482
Sob. Sob, you bitch.
437
00:18:41,354 --> 00:18:42,853
Oh, it hurts!
438
00:18:42,922 --> 00:18:45,506
God, it hurts!
The pain inside!
439
00:18:45,575 --> 00:18:47,625
God, it hurts so bad.
440
00:18:47,693 --> 00:18:49,009
Okay, that's enough.
441
00:18:49,078 --> 00:18:50,655
Oh, my God, I'm sorry.
Okay, Dee.
442
00:18:50,679 --> 00:18:52,599
I'm sorry, I just... Aaah!
443
00:18:52,648 --> 00:18:54,042
Are my eyes bleeding?
Aaah!
444
00:18:54,066 --> 00:18:55,644
Oh, my God, is there blood?
Okay.
445
00:18:55,668 --> 00:18:57,502
Is there blood?
You son of a bitch!
446
00:18:57,570 --> 00:19:00,070
Wow! Heavy stuff, guys.
447
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:02,105
Heavy stuff.
Heavy subject matter.
448
00:19:02,174 --> 00:19:04,258
Anyway, uh, Barney,
449
00:19:04,326 --> 00:19:06,494
you died too young...
450
00:19:07,563 --> 00:19:09,597
Before you could walk,
451
00:19:09,665 --> 00:19:12,933
before you could talk,
452
00:19:13,002 --> 00:19:18,338
and before you had
the chance to get together
the proper paperwork,
453
00:19:18,408 --> 00:19:20,285
all that paperwork
that you need to prove...
454
00:19:20,309 --> 00:19:21,825
Oh, thank you so much.
455
00:19:21,894 --> 00:19:23,577
Wolf Cola, everyone.
456
00:19:24,647 --> 00:19:26,825
It's the right cola for closure.
457
00:19:26,849 --> 00:19:28,682
Let's talk about closure,
'cause that...
458
00:19:28,751 --> 00:19:31,451
Can I talk to you
for a second?
Yeah.
459
00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:34,688
Dude, something stinks.
I know, I know.
460
00:19:34,757 --> 00:19:37,252
Have you noticed
that all we wanted to do
was talk about our money...
461
00:19:37,276 --> 00:19:38,821
Right.
and then we kept
getting pushed...
462
00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:40,388
into talking about other things?
463
00:19:40,412 --> 00:19:42,924
And then when we'd leave,
Frank and Dennis
became all buddy-buddy?
464
00:19:42,948 --> 00:19:46,183
Yeah, there were
a lot of backroom dealings
going on in here, you know?
465
00:19:46,252 --> 00:19:47,734
What the hell is this?
466
00:19:47,804 --> 00:19:49,465
"Dennis Reynolds,
Executive Vice President...
467
00:19:49,489 --> 00:19:53,023
of Worldwide Distribution,
Wolf Cola."
468
00:19:54,209 --> 00:19:55,876
What the hell, dude?
469
00:19:55,944 --> 00:19:59,379
Now I'm getting pissed off,
'cause I think those two
are conspiring against us.
470
00:19:59,448 --> 00:20:02,394
Let's go out there
and expose these sons
of bitches for who they are.
471
00:20:02,418 --> 00:20:06,486
And the most important thing
to remember is that
this whole thing is over.
472
00:20:06,555 --> 00:20:08,222
Right?
Dead.
473
00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:11,408
Every single person
in this room has to move on.
474
00:20:11,477 --> 00:20:14,122
That's excellent.
Excellent, Dennis!
Thank you. Thank you.
475
00:20:14,146 --> 00:20:18,249
Now we would like
to pay our respects
to the dead baby.
476
00:20:18,318 --> 00:20:20,184
And in the Christian tradition,
477
00:20:20,253 --> 00:20:23,754
we're gonna open up the casket
to take one last look
at his tiny corpse.
478
00:20:23,822 --> 00:20:25,890
- You don't want to do that.
- What is happening?
479
00:20:25,959 --> 00:20:27,919
This is what you get
when you mess
with the Pickle Party.
480
00:20:27,943 --> 00:20:31,712
Pickle Party.
Prepare for your hearts
to turn to stones!
481
00:20:33,850 --> 00:20:36,416
- Ugh!
- What the hell is that?
482
00:20:36,486 --> 00:20:38,919
It's the dead dog
from the alleyway.
483
00:20:38,988 --> 00:20:40,228
I was compromising.
484
00:20:40,255 --> 00:20:42,400
I figured we'd give it
a proper burial.
485
00:20:42,424 --> 00:20:44,708
Okay. Well, I'm done here.
486
00:20:46,812 --> 00:20:48,628
Well, I'll tell you what.
487
00:20:48,697 --> 00:20:51,048
Dee's definitely
going down in this audit.
488
00:20:51,117 --> 00:20:52,766
I think
we're all going down, Charlie.
489
00:20:52,835 --> 00:20:54,684
Okay, you know what?
Here...
490
00:20:54,753 --> 00:20:56,353
Let's vote on something
once and for all.
491
00:20:56,389 --> 00:20:58,789
Everybody in favor
of Frank not making
all of the decisions...
492
00:20:58,824 --> 00:21:02,026
in the bar anymore,
raise your hands.
493
00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:03,244
Great, that's settled.
494
00:21:03,312 --> 00:21:05,145
Even he's on board.
Okay.
495
00:21:05,214 --> 00:21:06,730
And finally, all in favor...
496
00:21:06,799 --> 00:21:09,633
of going back to the old system
of organized chaos,
497
00:21:09,702 --> 00:21:11,580
where emotion trumps reason
every single time...
498
00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:14,644
and we just yell at each other
to get the shit that we want,
raise your hands.
499
00:21:14,707 --> 00:21:18,793
Fantastic! I've got a few things
I'd like to yell about now,
so we can all start.
500
00:21:18,861 --> 00:21:20,795
You opened the casket!
My eyes!
501
00:21:20,863 --> 00:21:23,430
My eyes!
502
00:21:29,438 --> 00:21:31,133
Why are your eyes bleeding?
I'll take care of you...
503
00:21:31,157 --> 00:21:32,918
Why the hell
did you open the casket?
504
00:22:07,542 --> 00:22:08,542
English - US - Line 21
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