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1
00:00:01,804 --> 00:00:03,774
Mouse: [Squeaks]
2
00:00:04,743 --> 00:00:07,749
Flip Flip Felon: These
flip-flops were a bad choice.
3
00:00:07,850 --> 00:00:10,555
Flute: I know you're a nut,
but did you ever consider Crocs?
4
00:00:10,689 --> 00:00:12,225
Less slappy, more comfortable,
5
00:00:12,358 --> 00:00:14,563
and they make you feel
like a sassy, overworked nurse.
6
00:00:14,697 --> 00:00:15,632
[People gasp]
7
00:00:15,799 --> 00:00:17,836
According to the greatest
margarita-based songwriter
8
00:00:17,970 --> 00:00:20,074
of our generation--R.I.P., JB--
9
00:00:20,107 --> 00:00:21,978
if you want to blow out
a flip-flop,
10
00:00:22,078 --> 00:00:24,950
all you need
is a pop top.
11
00:00:24,983 --> 00:00:26,988
[Tropical music plays]
12
00:00:27,121 --> 00:00:29,124
Flip Flop Felon: Aah! Uh!
13
00:00:29,225 --> 00:00:32,866
Flute: And that's
how I bust a nut.
14
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:35,705
[People cheering]
15
00:00:37,441 --> 00:00:38,711
Kid: Ha ha ha!
16
00:00:43,988 --> 00:00:45,390
[Cash register rings]
17
00:00:45,490 --> 00:00:48,230
Woman: Oh, hon, you look
just like the Flip-Flopper.
18
00:00:48,263 --> 00:00:51,504
Waiter:
Here's your Son of Salmon.
19
00:00:51,537 --> 00:00:54,409
Man: I asked for the
John Wayne Gravy on the side,
20
00:00:54,543 --> 00:00:58,016
and would it hurt you
to frown a little more?
21
00:00:58,150 --> 00:00:59,853
Waiter: Aagh!
22
00:00:59,887 --> 00:01:01,422
Woman: Oh, it's so interactive.
23
00:01:01,523 --> 00:01:04,897
I can't believe how real
it looks, right, hon?
24
00:01:05,030 --> 00:01:07,334
John?
25
00:01:16,887 --> 00:01:18,323
[Click]
26
00:01:26,172 --> 00:01:27,274
[Glass cracks]
27
00:01:27,307 --> 00:01:28,711
[Microphone feedback]
28
00:01:28,844 --> 00:01:30,582
Karen: As head of the Criminals'
Union, I'm here to say
29
00:01:30,715 --> 00:01:33,319
that a heinous crime
is being committed right now,
30
00:01:33,453 --> 00:01:36,660
and I don't mean the work of
the Press Conference Slasher.
31
00:01:36,760 --> 00:01:37,963
Man: Aagh...
32
00:01:38,029 --> 00:01:40,835
Karen: I'm talking about this
city not sharing in the profits
33
00:01:40,869 --> 00:01:44,442
made off the hard,
dishonest work of our members,
34
00:01:44,577 --> 00:01:47,649
so until they do,
we are on strike.
35
00:01:47,782 --> 00:01:49,653
[Cheering]
36
00:01:50,722 --> 00:01:52,592
Harmony: While crime tourism
rakes in millions,
37
00:01:52,692 --> 00:01:55,532
many felons feel they haven't
received their fair share.
38
00:01:55,665 --> 00:01:57,936
I guess one could say,
39
00:01:58,070 --> 00:02:00,073
crime doesn't pay.
40
00:02:00,174 --> 00:02:01,944
I thought of that.
41
00:02:02,077 --> 00:02:03,313
Keska: Back when
I first started,
42
00:02:03,346 --> 00:02:04,883
You could make a killing
killing,
43
00:02:05,016 --> 00:02:07,354
but now with inflation, I can't
even afford a kill room anymore.
44
00:02:07,454 --> 00:02:08,691
I had to get a roommate.
45
00:02:08,825 --> 00:02:10,026
-Hwuh!
-Uh!
46
00:02:10,127 --> 00:02:11,897
Dilquez: I will not allow these
criminals to hold this town
47
00:02:11,997 --> 00:02:15,070
hostage until they begin
holding people hostage again,
48
00:02:15,204 --> 00:02:16,907
and to prove it,
I will be furloughing
49
00:02:16,941 --> 00:02:18,210
the entire police department.
50
00:02:18,343 --> 00:02:20,948
If you have an emergency,
call your mama.
51
00:02:21,082 --> 00:02:22,351
Wynona: Wait a sec.
52
00:02:22,485 --> 00:02:24,222
So does this mean
we're out of a job?
53
00:02:24,355 --> 00:02:25,792
Martinez: Nah.
We still have our jobs.
54
00:02:25,825 --> 00:02:27,094
They're just on pause,
55
00:02:27,227 --> 00:02:28,463
like your mail
when you go out of town
56
00:02:28,496 --> 00:02:29,967
or a Sydney Sweeney movie
being watched
57
00:02:30,100 --> 00:02:31,503
by one of my teenage boys.
58
00:02:31,637 --> 00:02:33,240
Summers: Technically,
I'm considered equipment,
59
00:02:33,373 --> 00:02:34,776
so I'm being reassigned.
60
00:02:34,876 --> 00:02:36,747
I'm replacing a toll booth
that's out of order.
61
00:02:36,780 --> 00:02:38,751
Flute: Don't worry.
All criminals are idiots.
62
00:02:38,784 --> 00:02:41,524
That's why they always go for
one last score and get caught.
63
00:02:41,657 --> 00:02:44,863
Mark my words, the strike
will be over before it even--
64
00:02:44,997 --> 00:02:47,300
[People shouting]
65
00:02:48,370 --> 00:02:50,240
Flute: Why won't it stop?
Make it end.
66
00:02:50,373 --> 00:02:52,846
Kang: Flute,
it's only been 3 days.
67
00:02:52,979 --> 00:02:54,482
How did you
grow a beard that full?
68
00:02:54,516 --> 00:02:56,485
Flute: I started
injecting testosterone.
69
00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:58,123
What else am I supposed to do
70
00:02:58,257 --> 00:02:59,726
now that these idiots
stole my job?
71
00:02:59,860 --> 00:03:00,828
Agh!
72
00:03:00,861 --> 00:03:02,131
[Slam]
73
00:03:02,231 --> 00:03:03,534
Kang: You know,
treating criminals
74
00:03:03,668 --> 00:03:05,003
like they're beneath us
is what started all this.
75
00:03:05,137 --> 00:03:06,405
Everybody deserves some respect.
76
00:03:06,540 --> 00:03:08,277
Flute: Respect crooks? For what?
77
00:03:08,410 --> 00:03:09,813
Anyone can break the law,
78
00:03:09,946 --> 00:03:12,251
and there's a cell full of
babies downstairs to prove it.
79
00:03:12,285 --> 00:03:13,788
Kang: That's the precinct's
daycare.
80
00:03:13,821 --> 00:03:15,825
Flute: Right. Well, I'm still
never gonna respect them,
81
00:03:15,959 --> 00:03:19,432
and you can disregard my
request for tinier handcuffs.
82
00:03:19,566 --> 00:03:22,238
Pentos: Good day,
fellow horrible people.
83
00:03:22,271 --> 00:03:23,774
Where do you want me?
84
00:03:23,808 --> 00:03:25,812
Karen: How about inside
with all your detective buddies?
85
00:03:25,912 --> 00:03:28,283
Seems like lately,
you've helped solve more crimes
86
00:03:28,416 --> 00:03:31,022
than you've committed,
so we revoked your membership.
87
00:03:31,122 --> 00:03:32,558
Pento: Now hold on.
88
00:03:32,658 --> 00:03:35,297
I only do that because
of my court-appointed jewelry.
89
00:03:35,430 --> 00:03:37,301
Karen: Yeah,
and not a scratch on it.
90
00:03:37,435 --> 00:03:39,171
Why haven't you
tried to pry it off?
91
00:03:39,305 --> 00:03:41,442
Too scared of what
you'd be without it?
92
00:03:41,577 --> 00:03:43,714
Pentos: If I wanted this off,
it would be.
93
00:03:43,814 --> 00:03:46,186
Karen: Fine. Get it off
by the end of the month,
94
00:03:46,286 --> 00:03:48,055
and you are back in the union.
95
00:03:48,189 --> 00:03:49,458
Pentos: It's a bet.
96
00:03:49,559 --> 00:03:50,962
Get ready because
you're about to learn
97
00:03:50,995 --> 00:03:55,170
how to lose an ankle monitor
in a week and a half.
98
00:03:55,303 --> 00:03:56,840
Karen: Should we
just say 10 days?
99
00:03:56,974 --> 00:03:59,311
Pentos: Yep, yep, how to lose
an ankle monitor in 10 days.
100
00:03:59,445 --> 00:04:00,849
That's far superior.
101
00:04:00,982 --> 00:04:05,156
Wynona: So now that you legally
can't tell me what to do,
102
00:04:05,190 --> 00:04:06,459
what are we doing?
103
00:04:06,593 --> 00:04:07,929
Let's do something stupid.
104
00:04:08,062 --> 00:04:09,198
Martinez: No, thanks.
105
00:04:09,331 --> 00:04:10,601
I've had plenty of fun
in my life.
106
00:04:10,702 --> 00:04:12,171
Wynona: Being fun size
doesn't count.
107
00:04:12,204 --> 00:04:13,741
Martinez: Ha ha. Real funny.
108
00:04:13,874 --> 00:04:15,612
I'm laughing, but I'm not,
even though I just said I am.
109
00:04:15,745 --> 00:04:17,481
Let me ask you this.
Have you ever heard of Chamoy?
110
00:04:17,615 --> 00:04:19,351
Wynona: The savory sauce
in Mexican cuisine made
111
00:04:19,485 --> 00:04:22,959
from pickled fruit
or the wildly erratic pop star?
112
00:04:23,092 --> 00:04:26,065
Before there was Chamoy
the superstar,
113
00:04:26,098 --> 00:04:28,637
there was Tajin and Chamoy.
114
00:04:28,671 --> 00:04:29,973
Wynona: [Gasps]
115
00:04:30,006 --> 00:04:32,011
Martinez: We were basically
Salt-N-Pepa but Latino,
116
00:04:32,144 --> 00:04:35,818
and instead of singing about
sex, we vocalized virginity.
117
00:04:37,087 --> 00:04:38,356
[Hip-hop music playing]
118
00:04:38,489 --> 00:04:39,626
Tajin:
♪ Body's screaming, "Yes" ♪
119
00:04:39,759 --> 00:04:41,597
♪ But our promise says, "No" ♪
120
00:04:41,630 --> 00:04:45,505
♪ Heat is rising fast,
but we're taking it slow ♪
121
00:04:45,638 --> 00:04:49,211
Chamoy: ♪ Even if we won't
go all the way ♪
122
00:04:49,245 --> 00:04:52,250
♪ We can still have ♪
123
00:04:52,384 --> 00:04:55,456
Both: ♪ Everything but sex ♪
124
00:04:57,127 --> 00:04:58,531
♪ But sex
125
00:04:58,664 --> 00:05:01,135
Wynona: This is insane.
What happened?
126
00:05:01,268 --> 00:05:02,505
Martinez: I got knocked up,
127
00:05:02,605 --> 00:05:04,474
not a good look
for a pro-virginity band.
128
00:05:04,509 --> 00:05:06,780
Her dad was our manager
and forced me to make a choice--
129
00:05:06,914 --> 00:05:10,387
take care of the problem
or quit, so I quit.
130
00:05:10,487 --> 00:05:12,224
Wynona: This is the fun
I'm talking about.
131
00:05:12,257 --> 00:05:13,627
Let's go hang with Chamoy.
132
00:05:13,661 --> 00:05:15,531
Martinez: I haven't
really kept in touch.
133
00:05:15,631 --> 00:05:17,802
It breaks my heart when I see
those stories about her--
134
00:05:17,902 --> 00:05:20,541
the rehab rumors,
dancing with chainsaws,
135
00:05:20,675 --> 00:05:22,679
drinking water
out of a hamster bottle.
136
00:05:22,779 --> 00:05:24,550
I can't help
but feel responsible.
137
00:05:24,683 --> 00:05:27,287
Clearly, she's jealous
of my life.
138
00:05:27,421 --> 00:05:28,824
Wynona: Uh, OK.
139
00:05:28,957 --> 00:05:30,828
The millionaire superstar
who has her own clothing line
140
00:05:30,928 --> 00:05:33,801
is jealous of you, who has
a clothesline in her office?
141
00:05:33,835 --> 00:05:37,407
Martinez: It's not about money.
I have 5 kids. She has none.
142
00:05:37,508 --> 00:05:39,546
Wynona: Uh, I don't
have any kids.
143
00:05:39,679 --> 00:05:42,685
Martinez: And look how sad
your life is. Stay strong.
144
00:05:42,819 --> 00:05:44,923
Wynona: I think the reason
you don't want to see Chamoy
145
00:05:44,957 --> 00:05:47,428
is because you're scared
you made a mistake.
146
00:05:47,562 --> 00:05:49,967
Martinez: Fine.
I'll call her, and we'll go,
147
00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:54,742
but when you realize I came out
on top, I want an apology.
148
00:05:55,845 --> 00:05:57,849
Sorry. One of my boys
cracked the screen,
149
00:05:57,982 --> 00:06:00,454
and the other tried to fix it
with wood glue.
150
00:06:00,588 --> 00:06:02,057
[Jazz piano music playing]
151
00:06:02,191 --> 00:06:03,192
[Beep beep beep...]
152
00:06:03,326 --> 00:06:04,929
Pentos: Oh...uh...
153
00:06:06,065 --> 00:06:06,867
[Sighs]
154
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:08,436
Flute: Hey, glad you're here.
Can you--
155
00:06:08,570 --> 00:06:09,840
Pentos: Let me guess.
156
00:06:09,940 --> 00:06:11,710
You have a problem
I need to help with.
157
00:06:11,843 --> 00:06:13,981
You do realize this is
a very one-sided relationship.
158
00:06:14,114 --> 00:06:16,853
Flute: How many sides is
a relationship supposed to have?
159
00:06:16,987 --> 00:06:19,726
Pentos: Two,
3 if you're Taika Waititi.
160
00:06:19,826 --> 00:06:21,830
I have problems, too, you know.
161
00:06:21,863 --> 00:06:24,936
I'm about to lose the bet,
my scoliosis is acting up on me,
162
00:06:25,069 --> 00:06:26,205
and...
163
00:06:26,305 --> 00:06:27,609
[Sighs]
164
00:06:27,709 --> 00:06:29,344
Fine. What's your problem?
165
00:06:29,478 --> 00:06:30,748
Flute: I need this strike
to end.
166
00:06:30,848 --> 00:06:32,619
Without a job,
my life has no meaning.
167
00:06:32,752 --> 00:06:34,154
I have no excuse
not to see Stan,
168
00:06:34,254 --> 00:06:36,358
and I'm this close to joining
a pickleball league.
169
00:06:36,492 --> 00:06:38,496
Pentos: Ah, so easy.
170
00:06:38,631 --> 00:06:40,768
Pretend you are a criminal.
Commit a few crimes.
171
00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:42,739
While the cons scramble
to find out who is scabbing,
172
00:06:42,872 --> 00:06:44,743
they will inevitably
turn on one another,
173
00:06:44,843 --> 00:06:47,615
breaking their unity
and thus ending the strike.
174
00:06:47,715 --> 00:06:49,084
Flute: But I don't
know the first thing
175
00:06:49,184 --> 00:06:50,454
about being a criminal.
176
00:06:50,487 --> 00:06:52,157
[Beeping]
177
00:06:52,257 --> 00:06:55,765
Pentos: Perhaps you could
learn the keys to being one
178
00:06:55,865 --> 00:06:59,105
if you had the right teacher
to unlock it,
179
00:06:59,238 --> 00:07:01,610
someone with a keen
criminal mind,
180
00:07:01,644 --> 00:07:03,379
someone who has
outwitted the police,
181
00:07:03,479 --> 00:07:06,018
the FBI,
and the Columbia House CD club,
182
00:07:06,052 --> 00:07:08,657
someone who could teach you
the lost art of pretending
183
00:07:08,791 --> 00:07:10,662
you are helping someone else
when, in fact,
184
00:07:10,795 --> 00:07:15,236
you are secretly serving
your own sinister goals--
185
00:07:15,370 --> 00:07:16,640
me.
186
00:07:16,773 --> 00:07:18,376
Flute: Yeah, you.
Couldn't you be my teacher?
187
00:07:18,476 --> 00:07:19,646
Pentos: Me? Never thought of it,
188
00:07:19,779 --> 00:07:21,148
but once I do solve
your problem,
189
00:07:21,181 --> 00:07:24,121
you must promise to help
solve mine, no matter what.
190
00:07:24,255 --> 00:07:27,127
Do we have a deal?
191
00:07:28,129 --> 00:07:31,135
Flute: Good-bye,
Detective Flute.
192
00:07:32,137 --> 00:07:33,006
[Glass shatters]
193
00:07:33,139 --> 00:07:34,275
[Lamb baas]
194
00:07:34,408 --> 00:07:36,880
[Whirring]
195
00:07:37,948 --> 00:07:40,888
Kang made me get this
because I kept losing it.
196
00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:49,271
Flute: So what's first--
home invasion, light arson,
197
00:07:49,405 --> 00:07:50,674
maybe a carjacking?
198
00:07:50,808 --> 00:07:52,679
Pentos: Slow down.
I must ease you in.
199
00:07:52,812 --> 00:07:56,687
Go too fast, and you'll
catch the madness.
200
00:07:56,820 --> 00:08:00,795
Solving crimes is one thing,
but committing them is--
201
00:08:00,828 --> 00:08:04,401
Wow. Well, actually,
it's just the exact opposite,
202
00:08:04,435 --> 00:08:06,072
but can you do it?
203
00:08:06,105 --> 00:08:08,944
Flute: Mail theft? Come on.
That's too easy.
204
00:08:08,978 --> 00:08:10,581
Pentos:
Then why am I not reading
205
00:08:10,714 --> 00:08:12,083
this week's
supermarket circular?
206
00:08:12,117 --> 00:08:14,722
I'd love to know
what cut of beef is on sale.
207
00:08:14,856 --> 00:08:18,195
The smart money is on tri-tip.
208
00:08:18,295 --> 00:08:19,198
[Creak]
209
00:08:19,331 --> 00:08:20,601
[Rustling]
210
00:08:20,735 --> 00:08:22,705
Flute: I can't do it.
It's illegal.
211
00:08:22,839 --> 00:08:25,143
I can't steal
a kid's birthday card.
212
00:08:25,176 --> 00:08:26,445
Pentos: And why not?
213
00:08:26,580 --> 00:08:27,848
Your livelihood
has been taken from you
214
00:08:27,982 --> 00:08:29,852
like Liam Neeson's
daughter in "Taken,"
215
00:08:29,986 --> 00:08:32,457
your identity stripped away
like Liam Neeson's ability
216
00:08:32,592 --> 00:08:35,598
to do any other type
of role after "Taken."
217
00:08:35,731 --> 00:08:39,204
It's time to steal
your life back.
218
00:08:40,106 --> 00:08:42,443
I just robbed a child
of their birthday money.
219
00:08:42,545 --> 00:08:44,583
I feel like a box
of Pokemon cards.
220
00:08:44,716 --> 00:08:46,285
Man: Hey! Get out of here.
221
00:08:46,319 --> 00:08:47,320
[Tires screech]
222
00:08:47,420 --> 00:08:49,693
Uh! Uh! Mailbox pervert!
223
00:08:49,726 --> 00:08:51,328
Flute: It was tri-tip.
224
00:08:51,462 --> 00:08:54,067
Pentos: Hee hee! Ha ha! Oh...
225
00:08:56,205 --> 00:08:58,176
Wynona: Still think
she's jealous of you?
226
00:08:58,309 --> 00:08:59,713
Martinez: You kidding?
227
00:08:59,846 --> 00:09:01,850
These water features scream,
"I wasted my fertile years."
228
00:09:01,983 --> 00:09:05,591
Chamoy: It's really you.
Come in.
229
00:09:05,725 --> 00:09:09,866
Wynona: Mm-hmm,
insane with jealousy,
230
00:09:09,999 --> 00:09:13,339
Chamoy: Tajin,
give me a hug, girl.
231
00:09:13,472 --> 00:09:15,744
Martinez: Uh, why
are you in that?
232
00:09:15,878 --> 00:09:17,347
Chamoy: I was nervous
you were coming,
233
00:09:17,481 --> 00:09:19,351
and Daddy didn't want me
biting my nails.
234
00:09:19,484 --> 00:09:20,988
Martinez: Tino's
still your manager.
235
00:09:21,022 --> 00:09:24,327
Chamoy: Oh, don't be silly.
He's my conservator.
236
00:09:24,361 --> 00:09:25,764
Martinez: Waah!
237
00:09:25,865 --> 00:09:27,735
Tino: Don't let the title
throw you.
238
00:09:27,769 --> 00:09:30,874
Conservators have gotten
such a bad rap after Britney,
239
00:09:31,008 --> 00:09:33,747
Amanda Bynes, Lindsay Lohan,
Brian Wilson,
240
00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:36,619
Mickey Rooney, Demi Lovato,
"The Blind Side."
241
00:09:36,753 --> 00:09:38,758
I just handle the boring stuff
242
00:09:38,858 --> 00:09:41,496
so my princess can do
whatever she wants.
243
00:09:41,630 --> 00:09:42,899
Chamoy: Can I go out
with my friends?
244
00:09:43,032 --> 00:09:46,239
Tino: No! But you can
have a sleepover.
245
00:09:46,372 --> 00:09:48,042
It'll be far more fun.
246
00:09:48,175 --> 00:09:50,380
Chamoy: Yes.
Let's have a sleepover.
247
00:09:50,514 --> 00:09:52,383
It will be far more fun.
248
00:09:58,930 --> 00:10:01,368
Flute: Where'd you learn that?
249
00:10:01,402 --> 00:10:03,039
Pentos: My father.
250
00:10:03,173 --> 00:10:05,477
Flute: Huh.
I didn't know you had parents.
251
00:10:05,511 --> 00:10:06,913
Pentos: You never asked.
252
00:10:07,047 --> 00:10:10,019
Papa was an escape artist
in the circus.
253
00:10:10,053 --> 00:10:12,357
Flute: Well, that
explains everything.
254
00:10:12,390 --> 00:10:13,661
Pentos: What does that mean?
255
00:10:13,761 --> 00:10:15,129
Flute: Nothing.
256
00:10:15,263 --> 00:10:16,498
Pentos: Say it.
257
00:10:16,533 --> 00:10:17,768
Flute: Forget it.
258
00:10:17,802 --> 00:10:19,271
Pentos: Say it.
259
00:10:19,405 --> 00:10:22,377
[Both laughing]
260
00:10:22,411 --> 00:10:24,014
[Alarm blaring]
261
00:10:29,826 --> 00:10:30,962
Flute: That's easy.
262
00:10:31,095 --> 00:10:32,798
If I had a time machine,
I'd go back
263
00:10:32,832 --> 00:10:34,101
and see "Oppenheimer" first,
then "Barbie."
264
00:10:34,235 --> 00:10:35,804
Pentos: But you could
go anywhere--
265
00:10:35,904 --> 00:10:37,809
The Renaissance,
the Roman Empire.
266
00:10:37,942 --> 00:10:40,180
You could meet
the real Oppenheimer.
267
00:10:40,213 --> 00:10:42,551
Flute: Honestly,
I'd have no idea who he is.
268
00:10:42,685 --> 00:10:43,954
I fell asleep.
269
00:10:44,087 --> 00:10:46,560
That's why I'm going back
to correct the past.
270
00:10:46,694 --> 00:10:49,164
We need more wine.
271
00:10:49,298 --> 00:10:51,034
[Staff whimper]
272
00:10:51,703 --> 00:10:53,439
[Beeping]
273
00:10:53,573 --> 00:10:54,441
[Pop]
274
00:10:54,576 --> 00:10:56,445
Pentos: [Gasps]
275
00:10:57,447 --> 00:10:58,783
[Static]
276
00:11:04,328 --> 00:11:06,733
[Both laugh]
277
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:11,341
Pentos: "To my Bonnie, who was
murdered in this fountain by me.
278
00:11:11,375 --> 00:11:15,182
All wishing pennies donated
to my defense fund."
279
00:11:15,316 --> 00:11:17,855
Aww.
280
00:11:17,955 --> 00:11:19,725
Flute: I wished
for my job back.
281
00:11:19,859 --> 00:11:20,995
What about you?
282
00:11:21,128 --> 00:11:23,600
Pentos: It was just
about crimes,
283
00:11:23,700 --> 00:11:25,704
not of the heart variety.
284
00:11:25,738 --> 00:11:27,608
[Animals roaring]
285
00:11:27,741 --> 00:11:29,478
Flute: We should probably
get out of here
286
00:11:29,579 --> 00:11:31,348
before that jaguar mauls us.
287
00:11:31,449 --> 00:11:35,356
Pentos: Oh! Ahh...
288
00:11:41,035 --> 00:11:42,605
Wynona: Hey, hey, have you
noticed anything weird?
289
00:11:42,739 --> 00:11:44,007
Martinez: I did.
290
00:11:44,141 --> 00:11:46,211
Chamoy hasn't mentioned
my kids once.
291
00:11:46,345 --> 00:11:47,748
Wynona: What? No.
292
00:11:47,882 --> 00:11:49,285
I mean that Tino never
lets her out of his sight.
293
00:11:49,418 --> 00:11:51,388
Martinez: He's probably worried
how jealous she is of me.
294
00:11:51,422 --> 00:11:54,629
I mean, what kind of person
puts up all these gold records
295
00:11:54,729 --> 00:11:56,365
just to hide the fact
she doesn't have
296
00:11:56,465 --> 00:11:57,601
a booger wall of fame?
297
00:11:57,635 --> 00:11:59,505
Chamoy: So what
should we do now?
298
00:11:59,639 --> 00:12:00,641
Wynona: Let's get
out of the house,
299
00:12:00,775 --> 00:12:01,776
just the 3 of us.
300
00:12:01,876 --> 00:12:03,146
Tino: She can't leave.
301
00:12:03,179 --> 00:12:05,651
It's too dangerous
for her out in the world.
302
00:12:05,784 --> 00:12:07,320
Wynona: But she goes out
all the time to tour.
303
00:12:07,454 --> 00:12:10,928
Tino: Actually, she doesn't.
Her last tour was all hologram.
304
00:12:11,061 --> 00:12:14,635
You'd be shocked at how good
technology has gotten.
305
00:12:14,669 --> 00:12:15,638
Martinez: Aah!
306
00:12:15,771 --> 00:12:18,342
Tino: See? You are shocked.
307
00:12:18,376 --> 00:12:19,546
Martinez: Aah!
308
00:12:19,579 --> 00:12:21,315
Tino: Now she does it all
from the safety of home.
309
00:12:21,449 --> 00:12:24,656
In fact, we're performing a
benefit for the strike tonight,
310
00:12:24,789 --> 00:12:26,927
so this little one
needs her energy.
311
00:12:27,060 --> 00:12:30,399
Come on, my dear. Eat.
312
00:12:32,070 --> 00:12:35,209
Wynona: Just as I expected.
Tino's been drugging her.
313
00:12:35,309 --> 00:12:38,082
He's the reason she's crazy,
not her jealousy of you.
314
00:12:38,215 --> 00:12:41,088
Martinez: Oh.
Well, I may have lost our bet,
315
00:12:41,221 --> 00:12:43,961
but that doesn't mean
I regret my decision.
316
00:12:44,061 --> 00:12:45,964
We're getting you
out of here, right, Martinez?
317
00:12:46,098 --> 00:12:49,405
Martinez: Oh, God, is that
Sam Jackson's first Kangol?
318
00:12:49,539 --> 00:12:50,808
That could have been mine.
319
00:12:50,908 --> 00:12:53,547
Why did I have
a basketball team of kids?
320
00:12:53,647 --> 00:12:56,218
[Flute and Pentos laughing]
321
00:12:56,351 --> 00:12:58,590
Pentos: Look.
They're talking about us.
322
00:12:58,623 --> 00:13:00,493
Harmony: ...and while the scabs
behind these recent crimes
323
00:13:00,594 --> 00:13:03,834
remain unknown, it has weakened
the strikers' unity,
324
00:13:03,967 --> 00:13:05,804
which may be why
the union announced
325
00:13:05,838 --> 00:13:07,373
they've dropped
their major demands,
326
00:13:07,508 --> 00:13:11,082
and the mayor has agreed to
negotiate an end to the strike.
327
00:13:11,115 --> 00:13:13,252
Pentos: It seems
our little plan worked.
328
00:13:13,385 --> 00:13:17,460
You got what you wanted,
and I suppose now it is my turn.
329
00:13:17,561 --> 00:13:18,864
Flute: What if it's not?
330
00:13:18,997 --> 00:13:20,399
Pentos: But you promised
to help me if I helped you.
331
00:13:20,534 --> 00:13:22,838
Flute: No. I mean, what if it's
not what I want anymore?
332
00:13:22,938 --> 00:13:24,241
I did all this
to get my life back,
333
00:13:24,341 --> 00:13:27,949
but what if I found
a better life?
334
00:13:27,982 --> 00:13:30,253
Pentos: What are you
slowly suggesting?
335
00:13:30,386 --> 00:13:32,124
Flute: Committing crimes
is way easier than solving them.
336
00:13:32,257 --> 00:13:33,860
I have no boss,
and I'm a natural,
337
00:13:33,994 --> 00:13:35,731
like Robert Redford
in "The Sting,"
338
00:13:35,864 --> 00:13:37,735
but I can't do it alone.
339
00:13:37,868 --> 00:13:39,138
Now, I know you'd never ask,
340
00:13:39,238 --> 00:13:41,275
but I'm taking off
that ankle bracelet,
341
00:13:41,408 --> 00:13:43,613
and I won't take no
for an answer.
342
00:13:43,713 --> 00:13:45,149
Pentos: No?
343
00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:48,155
Flute Yes. We'd be a modern day
Thelma and Louise,
344
00:13:48,256 --> 00:13:51,362
but we change the sexes, which
is what makes it so modern.
345
00:13:51,462 --> 00:13:52,898
What do you say?
346
00:13:53,032 --> 00:13:58,075
Pentos: I say,
maybe wishes do come true...
347
00:13:59,344 --> 00:14:01,482
like really come true.
348
00:14:01,616 --> 00:14:02,484
[Click]
349
00:14:02,618 --> 00:14:03,887
Ha ha ha!
350
00:14:04,021 --> 00:14:05,423
Flute: Wait.
Didn't you have a problem?
351
00:14:05,524 --> 00:14:07,293
Pentos: Nope, all solved,
but I do have a new one now
352
00:14:07,427 --> 00:14:10,232
that I should probably
get cleaned up.
353
00:14:14,308 --> 00:14:16,144
Pentos: My ankle
is so much lighter,
354
00:14:16,178 --> 00:14:18,651
I feel as though I can
jump and touch the sky.
355
00:14:18,784 --> 00:14:19,652
Yah! Ugh!
356
00:14:19,785 --> 00:14:20,921
[Crack]
357
00:14:21,054 --> 00:14:21,923
Right. I still have
the scoliosis.
358
00:14:22,056 --> 00:14:23,325
Flute: So what's next?
359
00:14:23,426 --> 00:14:25,062
Pentos: I say we go
someplace warm.
360
00:14:25,196 --> 00:14:27,066
I've always dreamed
of getting a sunburn.
361
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:28,903
Flute: We're not leaving town.
362
00:14:29,003 --> 00:14:30,540
Pentos: But once the deal
is signed, every criminal
363
00:14:30,574 --> 00:14:33,781
will be out looking to kill
the scabs who broke the strike.
364
00:14:33,914 --> 00:14:34,915
That's us.
365
00:14:35,049 --> 00:14:38,122
Flute: You're right.
366
00:14:41,061 --> 00:14:43,800
We need to kill
all the criminals.
367
00:14:43,900 --> 00:14:47,808
Pentos: Oh, God,
there's the madness.
368
00:14:47,941 --> 00:14:49,211
Flute: They're all
at City Hall right now.
369
00:14:49,344 --> 00:14:51,916
One well-placed bomb,
and we'll run this town.
370
00:14:51,949 --> 00:14:53,318
They'll never catch us.
371
00:14:53,352 --> 00:14:54,955
Pentos: You sound like
every other criminal
372
00:14:55,089 --> 00:14:56,491
right before they get caught.
373
00:14:56,626 --> 00:14:58,697
Flute: But I'm smarter
than all the other crooks.
374
00:14:58,830 --> 00:15:00,099
Pentos: They also say that.
375
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:02,103
Flute: One last score,
then we're free.
376
00:15:02,236 --> 00:15:03,806
Pentos: Is this a bit?
377
00:15:03,940 --> 00:15:05,176
Flute: Maybe Karen
was right about you.
378
00:15:05,209 --> 00:15:06,813
Maybe you are no longer
the mastermind
379
00:15:06,947 --> 00:15:07,815
your accent makes you
appear to be.
380
00:15:07,949 --> 00:15:09,351
Pentos: Oh, really?
381
00:15:09,451 --> 00:15:11,689
I tricked you into
taking my ankle bracelet off.
382
00:15:11,823 --> 00:15:13,425
Flute: [Gasps]
383
00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:14,629
Pentos: Hold on.
384
00:15:14,795 --> 00:15:17,200
That came out wrong, even though
all the words were correct.
385
00:15:17,234 --> 00:15:19,237
Flute: So was any of this real?
386
00:15:19,337 --> 00:15:20,974
Pentos: It was real for me,
387
00:15:21,107 --> 00:15:23,981
but perhaps I was a fool
for thinking you cared.
388
00:15:24,114 --> 00:15:25,851
Flute: Maybe I do
have the madness
389
00:15:25,985 --> 00:15:28,556
because I almost believed you.
390
00:15:28,590 --> 00:15:30,727
Pentos: Ohh...
391
00:15:34,101 --> 00:15:35,136
Wynona: It's over, Tino.
392
00:15:35,236 --> 00:15:36,372
Martinez: We know everything.
393
00:15:36,506 --> 00:15:39,846
Tino: Oh, I'm glad
I can stop this lie now.
394
00:15:39,980 --> 00:15:41,850
It's been hard
keeping you both safe.
395
00:15:41,983 --> 00:15:44,187
Martinez: Keep us safe?
396
00:15:44,287 --> 00:15:45,256
[Click]
397
00:15:45,389 --> 00:15:46,826
Tino: After she poisoned
her choreographer,
398
00:15:46,859 --> 00:15:48,129
bludgeoned her makeup team,
399
00:15:48,262 --> 00:15:50,734
and smothered
her social media manager,
400
00:15:50,868 --> 00:15:52,270
the doctors wanted
her committed,
401
00:15:52,403 --> 00:15:55,845
but I knew my little girl
was still in there somewhere,
402
00:15:55,878 --> 00:15:57,280
so they put me in charge.
403
00:15:57,413 --> 00:15:59,685
That's how I came up
with the hologram concert
404
00:15:59,819 --> 00:16:04,160
and the cocktail of sedatives to
prevent her from harming others.
405
00:16:04,294 --> 00:16:06,766
Wynona: So you've been
protecting her?
406
00:16:06,899 --> 00:16:08,035
Tino: Yes. Of course.
407
00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:10,741
That's what
a conservator does. Why?
408
00:16:10,875 --> 00:16:12,144
Wynona: No reason.
409
00:16:12,277 --> 00:16:14,014
Real quick, what would
happen if someone, say--
410
00:16:14,147 --> 00:16:15,283
mm, I don't know--took those
sedatives away from her?
411
00:16:15,417 --> 00:16:17,755
Chamoy: I know a fun
sleepover game.
412
00:16:17,889 --> 00:16:19,759
Let's braid each other's organs.
413
00:16:19,892 --> 00:16:21,494
[All scream]
414
00:16:25,771 --> 00:16:27,240
[Parking brake clicks]
415
00:16:28,308 --> 00:16:29,779
Summers: Hey there, Dr. Pentos,
416
00:16:29,912 --> 00:16:32,050
little far for you
to be out this way, no?
417
00:16:32,150 --> 00:16:34,153
Pentos: Flute extended
my range for the day.
418
00:16:34,187 --> 00:16:35,456
Summers: What a great guy, huh?
419
00:16:35,591 --> 00:16:37,527
Can't wait to see him
at the concert.
420
00:16:37,661 --> 00:16:38,930
Pentos: The concert?
421
00:16:39,030 --> 00:16:40,199
Summers: Didn't you hear?
422
00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:41,936
Strike's over,
and there's a concert
423
00:16:42,069 --> 00:16:43,774
outside the mayor's office
to celebrate.
424
00:16:43,907 --> 00:16:45,176
Whole town will be there.
425
00:16:45,276 --> 00:16:46,580
Pentos: The whole town?
426
00:16:46,713 --> 00:16:49,919
Well, that's too bad.
I'll have to miss it.
427
00:16:50,052 --> 00:16:51,188
Now may I go through?
428
00:16:51,322 --> 00:16:53,793
Summers: Sure thing.
25 cents, please.
429
00:16:53,927 --> 00:16:55,630
[Groans]
430
00:16:57,467 --> 00:17:01,676
"Shoplifted this from the
department store we grafiteed,"
431
00:17:01,776 --> 00:17:03,078
spelled wrong.
432
00:17:03,178 --> 00:17:05,083
"Thought it might be good
for your scoliosis,"
433
00:17:05,183 --> 00:17:06,553
spelled right.
434
00:17:06,686 --> 00:17:08,055
He cares.
435
00:17:08,088 --> 00:17:11,562
This is a two-sided
relationship.
436
00:17:11,696 --> 00:17:12,965
[Tires screech]
437
00:17:13,099 --> 00:17:15,370
Summers: Who cares? Who is it?
438
00:17:15,504 --> 00:17:18,543
Can't believe that guy
has a lover and I don't.
439
00:17:19,410 --> 00:17:20,079
Martinez: Uh!
440
00:17:20,213 --> 00:17:21,550
Wynona: [Panting]
441
00:17:21,683 --> 00:17:22,217
Tino: Uh!
442
00:17:22,350 --> 00:17:24,488
Chamoy: Heh heh. Heh.
443
00:17:24,589 --> 00:17:27,227
Wynona: Don't do this.
You'll lose everything.
444
00:17:27,327 --> 00:17:29,097
Chamoy: I have nothing to lose.
445
00:17:29,197 --> 00:17:31,201
She's the one
who has everything--
446
00:17:31,234 --> 00:17:34,207
kids, work, a booger wall--
447
00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:37,247
and if I can't have your life,
then neither can you.
448
00:17:37,380 --> 00:17:39,718
Martinez: And you said Chamoy
couldn't be jealous of me.
449
00:17:39,852 --> 00:17:41,255
Chamoy: What?
450
00:17:41,355 --> 00:17:42,991
Wynona: Let's not anger
the crazy knife lady.
451
00:17:43,091 --> 00:17:46,097
Chamoy: I'm not crazy!
452
00:17:46,131 --> 00:17:47,601
Wynona: [Gasps]
453
00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:49,839
Chamoy: Uh!
454
00:17:49,972 --> 00:17:52,578
[Beep]
455
00:17:52,711 --> 00:17:54,549
[Grunting]
456
00:17:54,582 --> 00:17:55,851
Ah!
457
00:17:55,984 --> 00:17:57,988
[Beep]
458
00:17:58,121 --> 00:18:00,259
Tino: No, no, please.
459
00:18:00,359 --> 00:18:02,965
I'll let you drink
from the hamster bottle.
460
00:18:02,998 --> 00:18:06,304
Chamoy: Ha ha ha! Uh!
461
00:18:08,141 --> 00:18:09,377
Martinez: I'm sorry this wasn't
462
00:18:09,411 --> 00:18:11,415
the fun girl time
you were hoping for.
463
00:18:11,516 --> 00:18:14,387
Wynona: No. I'm the one who's
sorry for not listening to you.
464
00:18:14,421 --> 00:18:16,258
Martinez: I'm a mom.
I'm used to it,
465
00:18:16,291 --> 00:18:18,029
and, Tino, I hope
you can forgive me
466
00:18:18,162 --> 00:18:19,899
for thinking
you were a total psycho.
467
00:18:19,999 --> 00:18:21,301
Tino: It's OK.
468
00:18:21,435 --> 00:18:23,507
This voice does make
everything I say sound evil.
469
00:18:23,540 --> 00:18:27,147
Well, I should let them
know the show is off.
470
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:29,719
[Upbeat music playing]
471
00:18:29,752 --> 00:18:32,356
[Cheering]
472
00:18:41,041 --> 00:18:42,444
[Beeping]
473
00:18:42,578 --> 00:18:44,915
Pentos: Flute,
you cannot do this.
474
00:18:45,049 --> 00:18:46,184
Well, I just did.
475
00:18:46,318 --> 00:18:47,922
In two hours,
they're all gonna die,
476
00:18:48,055 --> 00:18:50,059
so...there.
477
00:18:50,192 --> 00:18:51,461
Pentos: But it's over.
478
00:18:51,595 --> 00:18:53,800
There are innocent people
out there celebrating,
479
00:18:53,933 --> 00:18:55,303
people you care about.
480
00:18:55,336 --> 00:18:56,906
Flute: And how do I know
this isn't another one
481
00:18:57,039 --> 00:18:59,044
of your schemes to trick me?
482
00:18:59,177 --> 00:19:00,580
[Zip]
483
00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:02,718
Pentos: Karen said I never
tried to take it off
484
00:19:02,818 --> 00:19:06,191
because I was afraid of what
I would have if I was free,
485
00:19:06,291 --> 00:19:08,596
but I know now that's not true.
486
00:19:08,730 --> 00:19:12,470
I was scared
of what I would lose--you.
487
00:19:12,571 --> 00:19:14,809
Flute: If you're expecting me
to get emotional,
488
00:19:14,942 --> 00:19:16,345
you got the wrong guy.
489
00:19:16,478 --> 00:19:19,317
My lip's quivering from the lack
of potassium in my diet,
490
00:19:19,351 --> 00:19:22,357
but I will admit that crime
isn't as fun without you.
491
00:19:22,490 --> 00:19:24,227
Maybe this isn't who I am.
492
00:19:24,327 --> 00:19:25,764
Pentos: I know it's not.
493
00:19:25,897 --> 00:19:28,636
Now let's get that bomb
turned off quick and go home.
494
00:19:28,770 --> 00:19:31,810
Flute: There's plenty of time.
We got 45 minutes.
495
00:19:31,943 --> 00:19:33,714
44, now 43 minutes. Wow.
496
00:19:33,747 --> 00:19:36,217
Time flies when you've made a
surprisingly genuine connection
497
00:19:36,351 --> 00:19:37,888
with a friend, huh?
498
00:19:38,022 --> 00:19:40,894
Pentos: You fool, you set it
for two minutes, not two hours.
499
00:19:41,027 --> 00:19:43,499
Flute: I'm used to defusing
these, not detonating them.
500
00:19:43,633 --> 00:19:45,236
Pentos: Just flip
the kill switch.
501
00:19:45,369 --> 00:19:46,806
Flute: The kill switch?
502
00:19:46,840 --> 00:19:48,375
Pentos: Come on.
503
00:19:48,509 --> 00:19:49,377
Any criminal worth his salt
always puts the kill switch
504
00:19:49,511 --> 00:19:51,381
on their master plan.
505
00:19:51,481 --> 00:19:52,651
That way, there's at least
the chance they can be foiled
506
00:19:52,785 --> 00:19:54,989
at the last minute
by the detectives.
507
00:19:55,122 --> 00:19:56,893
Otherwise, where's the fun?
508
00:19:56,926 --> 00:20:00,132
Flute: Criminals really do that?
Wow, so thoughtful.
509
00:20:00,266 --> 00:20:01,502
This experience
has really given me
510
00:20:01,535 --> 00:20:03,105
a newfound respect
for you idiots.
511
00:20:03,238 --> 00:20:05,076
Now, I may be
a terrible criminal,
512
00:20:05,109 --> 00:20:06,512
but I'm a great detective,
513
00:20:06,646 --> 00:20:10,352
and every great detective
always has one last heroic move.
514
00:20:10,385 --> 00:20:12,490
I just have to become one again,
and I'll think of it.
515
00:20:12,525 --> 00:20:14,996
Since I'm the deviant
who set this,
516
00:20:15,129 --> 00:20:17,133
I know my favorite color
is blue,
517
00:20:17,266 --> 00:20:19,538
so that's the wire to cut.
518
00:20:19,672 --> 00:20:22,410
Pentos: Really nailed
the blue thing.
519
00:20:22,544 --> 00:20:26,284
If this doesn't work, I'm sorry
for everything, dear boy.
520
00:20:26,384 --> 00:20:28,155
Flute: Me, too, no hashtag.
521
00:20:28,255 --> 00:20:30,159
[Beeping continues]
522
00:20:30,293 --> 00:20:32,030
Pentos: I want you.
Flute: What?
523
00:20:32,163 --> 00:20:33,299
[Explosion]
524
00:20:33,432 --> 00:20:34,902
[Hip-hop music playing]
525
00:20:35,035 --> 00:20:36,271
[Cheering]
526
00:20:36,372 --> 00:20:38,275
Both: ♪ All I want
is everything ♪
527
00:20:38,409 --> 00:20:39,545
Martinez: ♪ But sex ♪
528
00:20:39,679 --> 00:20:42,016
♪ All I need is everything ♪
529
00:20:42,116 --> 00:20:43,418
Wynona: ♪ But sex ♪
530
00:20:43,553 --> 00:20:46,025
♪ The only thing
that feels good ♪
531
00:20:46,158 --> 00:20:48,996
Both: ♪ Is everything but sex ♪
532
00:20:49,030 --> 00:20:50,299
♪ But sex ♪
533
00:20:50,433 --> 00:20:53,038
Summers: Uh, am I
the only one hearing this?
534
00:20:59,050 --> 00:21:00,587
[Whirring]
535
00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:02,423
Kang: Other than
that performance,
536
00:21:02,457 --> 00:21:04,194
anything fun happened
while we were furloughed?
537
00:21:04,327 --> 00:21:06,331
Wynona: Um, no, not really.
538
00:21:06,465 --> 00:21:09,304
Martinez and I got to know
each other a bit better.
539
00:21:09,437 --> 00:21:11,442
Kang: What about you guys?
What did you do?
540
00:21:11,576 --> 00:21:12,912
Flute: Uh, not much. We--
541
00:21:13,045 --> 00:21:14,313
Pentos: We fell in love
542
00:21:14,447 --> 00:21:15,583
with pickleball,
543
00:21:15,717 --> 00:21:17,921
the official sport
of unemployment.
544
00:21:18,055 --> 00:21:19,190
Hee hee!
545
00:21:19,324 --> 00:21:22,932
Otis: Well, since
nobody's gonna ask,
546
00:21:23,065 --> 00:21:24,802
Kang and I had a blast.
547
00:21:24,936 --> 00:21:27,541
We caught a fish.
548
00:21:28,944 --> 00:21:30,947
They're so jealous.
549
00:21:34,922 --> 00:21:35,957
Voice: Bento.
40765
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