All language subtitles for Family Guy s23e17 Karenheit 451

It seems today that all you see is
violence in movies and sex on TV.

But we're at Austin, old -fashioned
values, on which we used to rely.

Lucky there's a family guy.

Lucky there's a man who finds a new man
who all the things we make up. Laugh and

cry. We are family guys.

Hey, Brian, could you read Stewie his
bedtime story tonight? I'm watching the

Hot Ones episode where the wings fell on
the floor.

Jesse Plemons ate one with lint on it.
Hey, when life gives you Plemons.

Yes.

And?

I thought the beginning was clever
enough to carry the day.

Ah! Would have preferred a claw
retraction on that tuck -in, but you're

this.

Okay, tonight I'm going to read you
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

It was my favorite book when I was a
kid. Pup.

Pup means dog kid.

Fine, since I was a pup. Correct.

Mr. and Mrs. Bucket have a small boy
named Charlie, who, by the way, is

not that it matters.

He slash his grandparents all sleep on
the same cruelty -free mattress because

they are otherwise unhoused. What the
hell?

Where's the chalamet, Bri? Get to the
chalamet. The Gobstoppers are vegan?

After falling in the chocolate river,
Augustus Gloop apologizes for doing

blackface? Why did they change all this
stuff?

My God, this is the worst day since 9
-11.

Hey, guys, we're out of dry food.

Brian, they just knocked down the World
Trade Center.

Oh.

Did they also knock down the Petco?

Hey. You guys heard about this Hamilton
thing? The iconic musical that sold out

theaters across the globe? Yeah, we've
heard about it. It's the Founding

Fathers. But they rap.

Officer Swanson, there's an illegal
underage social function on Sycamore

violating Ordinance 313.

Please respond.

I thought this was your day off, Joe.
Why are they calling you?

Tonight's the night my chief has
everyone from the squad over to his

dinner. How come you aren't there?

It's like designated survivor. Of all
the cops on the force, the chief asked

not to come. That's how critical I am.

That's sad.

I'm sad now.

Sorry, I gotta go handle this. You guys
are welcome to ride along with me, and I

could drop you off after. Sounds great.

Someone changed this classic kid's book
to make it all woke. Who would do

something like this? Probably someone
who cares about their children.

Add smug smile now.

Lois, did you have something to do with
this? I sure did. This was a local

chapter of my bored suburban mom group.
It's called Mothers Invested in Literary

Fixin'. Nilf?

So you're ruining books just because you
and your weak -minded friends can't

handle reading them as the authors
intended?

Oh, come on. It's just a few little
changes to make the books nicer.

When did nice become a bad thing?

Kids like Stewie are little and
helpless, and her innocence needs to be

protected. Hey, could you do me a favor
and not cut my sack off in front of

Rupert? I'm trying to get in them cheeks
tonight. What you're doing is offensive

to me as an author. Self -published
author.

Well, too bad, because we're just
getting started.

At tomorrow's school board meeting,
we'll push to replace other problematic

books with versions we approve of. Now,
if you'll excuse me, I need to get back

to stuffing envelopes with these stamps
featuring female heroes no one's ever

heard of. Mary Lyon, founded Mount
Holyoke College.

Hero!

Harriet Quimby, first female pilot to
fly the English Channel.

Hero!

Hazel Hotchkiss Whiteman, honorary
commander of the Order of the British

Hero!

Mary Lyon founded Mount Ho... Oh, my
God, they just repeat. There's only

of them.

Hmm, this appears to be a shindig of the
high school variety.

Why do you always talk so doofy?
Language is my mistress, and I like to

positions. All right, I gotta go break
this up.

Wait,

let's not break it up.

Let's wake it up.

Well... I guess this is a body cam cheat
day.

You're all under arrest for not partying
hard enough.

Go ahead,

pick another city.

Coral Gables.

Three to the three to the one, four,
six.

Whoa, yeah, cool.

When it comes to zip codes, I am that,
too.

Cannonball!

Oh, God, that's Daisy. She can't see me
here. Glenn, there shouldn't be anyone

at this party who can't see you.

Guys, they have Britbox.

Who is ready for an eight -part murder
mystery that absolutely shatters the

coastal community of Brighton?

Let's turn this party up a notch.

I drank way too much last night. Why are
we wearing tuxedos?

Uh -oh. Apparently, we got married last
night. It's all over TikTok.

Boy, my dad doesn't look happy. But God
bless him, he gave us a Cuisinart.

You picked R. Kelly for our first dance?

I know it's wrong, but the grooves are
too strong.

Guys, we have to fix this. Marrying each
other was a huge mistake.

It was?

Welcome to tonight's town hall. Now,
let's open up the floor to women with

little chin hairs when the light hits it
just right.

Hello, parents and concerned citizens.

There we go.

Turn them off!

Aw. We are MILF, and we're very worried
about the outdated messages in the books

you're giving our kids.

Why does James's peach need to be giant,
huh?

It's big pitted, and we should celebrate
its curves.

All y 'all husbands follow my Instagram.

This is nuts. Changing books is wrong.
If you don't like it, just don't read

Look, I'll be honest. Whoever is
angriest is going to win, so have at it.

Come on!

It's pretty close. But since it's 2025,
I'm going to go with a group of

ethnically diverse women.

Thank God we're doing this divorce
before Donna finds out. What's this

getting a piece of my pension?

I offered you a prenup. You declined.

Let's just get this over with, Peter.

But the Christmas cards already went
out.

Oh, my goodness. We really do come in
all shapes and sizes.

Now that we got Dad out of the way,
let's pound some Bruce.

We got married again. I can't believe
it. Why does this keep happening to us?

Guys, don't you see? It's the alcohol.

Every time we drink, we end up doing
something stupid.

I'm afraid that dark day has finally
come.

We need to stop drinking.

And we need to settle up for the hotel.
Let's see here. Cleveland and Quagmire.

Champagne and strawberries.

Intimacy kit.

In a movie that's just titled movie.

It was Frost Nixon.

Ain't everything sexual.

Actually, it was Frosting Nixon, and it
was very sexual.

Hmm. They've yet to find the title they
can't corrupt.

I can't believe we have to stop
drinking. This is a nightmare.

Look, I don't like this any more than
you do, but Peter's right. Either we

the hooch or end up marrying each other
every day.

Fine. But just know that even though
we're breaking up, I will still slap

who disrespects you at the Oscars.

What did you want to talk to us about,
Peter?

I've decided to give up alcohol.

Well, I'm proud of you. This is going to
change your life, ours too.

Way to go, Dad!

Thanks, gang.

But just so you know, I'm now replacing
all my alcohol energy with Grand Canyon

energy. What's that?

Just endless enthusiasm about the Grand
Canyon. Did you know the most dangerous

animal in the GC is actually the rock
squirrel?

That's true. I'm looking at your faces,
but that's actually true.

Welcome to Kettlebells with Stu.

We're all warriors here.

Kettlebell Warriors.

See that over there? That's the road. If
any of you want to waste my time, you

may as well hit it right now.

All right, Warriors, we'll pick this up
next week. I shouldn't have advertised

on Facebook.

It's all pigs.

And they want to change the books you
read because they think you can't handle

it. So I've invited a guest to speak
with you about the dangers of sanitizing

books. Quahog's own beloved children's
book author, Mr. Hillman Hollister.

Good afternoon, everyone.

I hope you're ready to hear the word the
in front of a lot of different

ethnicities. Thank you for coming, Mr.
Hollister. We're going to take a little

break. Be sure to give your email to one
of the guys with the clipboard so we

can flood your inbox for the rest of
your life.

Hey, Brian, I'm a news producer, and our
team loves how outspoken you've been

about literary freedom. We think our
viewers would really appreciate your

of view.

Really? Absolutely.

Call me.

That guy you were talking to just ran
over a group of protesters when he drove

off.

Peter? Hey, sleepyhead.

Why are you up so early? Is that fresh
-brewed coffee I smell?

It sure is.

Also, I prepared your tampon for the
day.

Wow. Gross.

Thanks.

Crap. I have to get the kids ready for
school.

Relax. I took care of it. They are out
of bed and fed.

Great. Thank you. Not Pop -Tarts,
though. They are out of bed and fed.

I got to tell you, Peter, sobriety is
looking good on you. And your liver must

be thrilled.

Hey, HR sent me to tell you that you can
finally use all that vacation time

you've accrued. Awesome.

There's a state I've really been wanting
to visit. Which one?

Oregon.

It's a liver. We'll be right back.

How are we feeling today, boys?

Rested and vested.

Killing it without swilling it. So.

What do you guys want to do? Usually a
whole day is taken up by the drinking.

And the puking. The puking was implied,
yes.

I'm sure we can find something that
we'll all enjoy.

Isn't this awesome? What could be more
fun than puzzling with my boys?

So nice having you together in the same
bubble.

Oh, hey, Roberta. Look at you all grown
up.

Bubble Roberta? You get back here.
There's no age of consent in the bubble.

Like all newly sober black men, I have
taken to hustling chess in the park. I

a legend here.

Checkmate. I suppose this was
inevitable, as I did not know the horsey

jump.

Now this is more like it. Drunk or
sober, watching football with my boys

always be a blast.

It's second down, three yards to go.
This second down is brought to you by

Casamigos Tequila.

Casamigos, the tequila for guys who want
to buy houses next to each other in

Mexico. Hey, should we do that?

No can do, Peter.

I'm still underwater on two different
timeshares in Panama City Beach.

What? How?

They said if I went to the timeshare
presentation, they'd give me free Steve

Harvey tickets.

Well, how was the Steve Harvey show?

Do you promise not to laugh?

Of course. I got so excited about the
concept of the flexible family vacation

that I forgot to get the tickets.

You promised!

Are you sure you want to do this, Bri?

Fox News has a history of twisting the
truth to fit their agenda.

Look, we may not agree on much, but at
least I'll get some air time to speak my

piece. All right, but if you get in
trouble, just say Dominion three times.

That's their handyman.

We're on!

Welcome to Hannity. Our guest tonight,
Brian Griffin, has something important

this nation needs to hear.

Thanks for having me, Sean. I'd like to
talk about books. And how the woke mind

mob wants you to change them because the
authors are white.

But you stood up to the vermin in
Chicago and said, no bueno, Comrade

What? Uh -oh. Brian Skyron says Freedom
Crusader, and there's a photo over his

shoulder of Hunter Biden's penis.

I just want books to be left alone.

This has nothing to do with the migrant
crisis.

You're right. It has everything to do
with it. Think about it. When you go to

the mall, what's the bookstore called?

Borders. That chain closed like 15 years
ago.

Right. We should close the borders with
chains.

You get it. By the way, this is an open
carry studio.

Here's your gun.

Ah! Dominion! Dominion! Dominion!

Bok choy. That's a fun word to say.

Bok choy.

Yeah, that's fun, I guess.

Garbanzo. Also fun to say. Not bok choy
level, but pretty close.

Yeah, garbanzo's great.

You know what makes a good napkin?

Chinette.

God, what happened to us? Now that we're
sober, we don't got anything in common.

And why would we? Our group is a fat
guy, a black dude, a sex pest, and a

wheelchair cuck.

We make no sense together.

I hate to say it, but I don't think
we're cut out to be friends.

Peter's right.

Maybe we should just go our separate
ways.

Spend time with our families.

Yeah, and I guess I gotta go see if I
still have anything in common with other

black people.

They stopped midway because I said
pickleball.

As a newly sober person, I'm often going
to ask if it's OK that I say what a

nice time I'm having.

I'd rather you didn't. Hey, can I just
say what a nice time I'm having right

now? Every time we do this, I wonder why
we don't do it more. We're doing it

now. Yes, but there should be more times
of us doing it.

Hey, you been hydrating, Lois? You gotta
hydrate. It's the key to staying

hydrated. Stop saying hydrated!

Uh, Lois, you may want to go inside.

Hey,

look. Did you see this?

Your book, Faster Than the Speed of
Love, is back on the shelves.

Really? Nice. With a new foreword by Ann
Coulter. Less nice. And a very foreword

by Lauren Bobet. When I'm not rubbing my
hand over a tented khaki, I'm curled up

with a copy of Brian Griffin's excellent
book.

And does anyone know how Beetlejuice the
musical ends?

My book is being co -opted by the right.
It's gross.

And it's selling. It's number two on the
neo -Nazi bestseller list, behind Ben

Shapiro's Tyranny, How the Radical Left
Made Me Bad at Sex.

Hey, guys, good news. The thieves
arrived.

Everyone to the vegetable patch.

What's going on?

Peter, we have something we need to say
to you. Please sit down.

Okay.

This is an intervention.

But I already stopped drinking.

This is to get you to start again.

How dare you ambush me like this? I
trusted you. And who's that guy?

Well, we've never held an intervention
before, so Jax is here to help.

I was sober for years, Peter.

It was hell.

Every morning I'd wake up at home and
nod in a bush.

I stopped at red lights like a bitch.

But through quitting therapy and
shutting religion, I found the strength

drink again. And so can you.

Peter, your children have written
letters to tell you how your sobriety

affected them.

Chris, go ahead.

It's been 12 days since you took a swing
at our crossing guard.

Stop asking if I think I'm better than
you. When I wrote this letter, I knew I

would be the relative reading it to you
from a straight -back chair as opposed

to a couch.

This past week, I've had to spend more
quality time with you.

But you always say you want that. I want
to say I want that, and I want you to

come up short.

I can't handle this right now. I need to
hydrate. Just a little agua to take the

air drop.

No, no, you can't hydrate.

You're right, okay.

I can't keep not drinking like this.

It's okay, baby. It's okay. You don't
have to do this alone.

Let's go get tanked.

Together.

You're really going to pander to this
extremist conference just to move some

books? I can't believe you're selling
out like this. I'm not selling out. I'm

presenting my art in its rawest form.

But this place is full of weirdos. They
erected a gallows to hang Barbies. And

look at how they're opening the event.

To honor our fallen insurrectionists,
please observe a moment of violence.

Don't forget to hit the cops we love.

Thank you for your service.

And now, I'll read an excerpt from my
book, Faster Than the Speed of Love.

Bigot! Cut his mic!

We don't want to hear your racist book.

We do.

Let him read his racist book.

It's not a racist book. The woke mob
hates it. That means it's good.

Republicans like it. That means it's
bad.

Hey,

back off.

Everybody shut up. You wimps want to
edit any book that hurts your precious

feelings. And you freaks just want to
ban books altogether.

There are bigger problems in this world
than some stupid book.

Oh, my God. The dog author is right.

His book is stupid.

But that's not what I meant. The first
six pages are a description of a lake.

The sex scene repeatedly uses the word
honkers.

There's a map at the front that doesn't
pay off. Every sentence starts with and

then. And then I'm a hack. We got it.
You have brought us together, Brian

Griffin. We've both agreed to ban just
one book.

Yours.

Well, looks like everyone hates you
again, leaving you with just enough

political infamy to do $5 birthday
greetings on Cameo.

Hey, Larry, sorry Vanessa dumped you, so
from one dog who shit the bed to

another, happy birthday.

That's hilarious, Joe.

What is? I didn't do anything.

Doesn't matter. The point is, we're all
together again.

But what about what you said before,
that we have nothing in common? That

is just hiding the truth.

Yeah, but it's how you say it. Beer is
hiding the truth.

The truth of what guy friends are. A
random assortment of dudes bound by

Peter Stewie swallowed a Tide Pod. We're
headed to St.

Christopher's. Come quickly and bring...
To alcohol. It may tear families apart,

but it brings friends together.