All language subtitles for Bobs Burgers S15E17 1080p WEB h264-ETHEL_track3_[eng]

♪ ♪

[Tina]
"Francois was the handsomest

"and yet also sensitive-est

"blacksmith in the entire
village of Horse-mandy.

"His flowing mane
and taut haunches rippled

"with every strike
of his hammer.

"And yet, as he watched
the sparks fly,

Francois wondered if he could
ever make sparks fly

in a romantic way."

[Linda]
Tina, breakfast. Come on.

Oh, okay.

-There you are.
-Sorry it took so long.

I was really in the zone with
my latest Horse-torical Fiction.

Uh, yes, your illustrated
erotic horse stories.

I mean, they're sensual,
but they're also historical.

So it's classy.
See? There's Gallop-leo.

-The astronomer.
-[Gene] More like Gali-hay-oh!

-[Tina] There's
William Studspeare.
-[Linda] Oh, wow.

[Tina] There's Horse-imus.
He's a gladiator.

A nice gladiator. He doesn't
listen to the gladi-haters.

I don't if I even need to study
history at school anymore.

And then, there's Francois.

Wow, he looks very strong.

Well, yeah, he's a blacksmith.
He's pounding all day.

-Yeah, Dad.
-Hmm.

This baby's gonna be
filled soon.

Then I'll probably look
for a publisher.

Ideally, someone who supports me

but also challenges me,
especially on my spelling.

"If found,
return to Tina Belcher."

Wait, that's our phone number?

I remember it being more fun.

Oh, I just had an idea
for Francois.

-If you could just...
-Oh.

-...make a little room.
-Okay.

-Thanks.
-Yeah.

"He was so sweaty
from the hammering.

"He would have to hose off

before the revolution
that was coming."

-Mm.
-The French one.

-[Bob] Hi, kids.
-[Linda] Oh, hey, kids.

-How was school?
-[Gene] Underfunded.

And under-fun.

I mean, I get
what it was going for,

I just don't know
if it got there.

I had a good day. In study hall,

I wrote a scene
where Francois blacksmiths

the revolution bad guys so hard
his vest rips.

Here, I can read you
a little bit if you want.

-Okay.
-Wait, what the...?

-[panicked panting]
-Tina?

Honey, what's wrong?

My Horse-torical Fiction.
It's gone!

It's-it's not on my backpack.

Stay calm.

Just try to remember the last
place you had it, honey.

Okay. Uh, I had it
when we left school today,

and then, on the way home,

we stopped to watch
that pigeon eat that Band-Aid.

He made me want to try
a dirty Band-Aid.

[Tina] Then we found
a quarter on the ground,

so we used that and,

and then mostly my money to buy

a cup of frozen yogurt
from Fro-Yo-Momma.

We ate it on the steps

and we were supposed
to split it evenly,

but you guys ate way more
than two-thirds.

I didn't hear you complaining.

I did complain.

I mean, I didn't listen
to you complaining.

The steps! That's it!

We were eating the Froyo

and watching
the skateboarders do

what they seemed to think
were tricks,

so I decided to get a jump
on my math homework,

so I pulled my books out.

When we left,
I must've somehow not put

the Horse-torical Fiction
back in my bag.

Ah! Mom!

Dad! I'll, uh, be right back.

Ah...!

-Uh... okay, Tina.
-Good luck.

Look at that nag run.

Ah! It's not here?
It's not here!

Ah!

Ah! That's you...

Sorry, that was mean...!

[groaning]

[resumes groaning]

Tina, I'm sorry
about your horse book.

Is-is there a way you could
maybe just start a new one?

-Oh.
-Oh!
-Oh, boy.

Are you even hearing yourself
right now, Dad?!

-I am so sorry about him, Tina.
-He's just a man.

That book was irreplaceable.

We know, sweetie.

Hey, have some more
mac and cheese.

Hay? [groans]

Oh, 'cause of horses.

Geez, Mom, rein it in.

-Reins?
-Ah. Right.

Ah... I guess I should just
accept that it's probably

-gone forever.
-[phone ringing]
-[Linda] Aw.

Forever isn't that long.

Hello? Yeah, she's here.
Who's calling?

Tina, it's for you.
He said it's a friend?

Kind of a weird voice.
No judgement.

Uh, hello?

[distorted voice]
Is this Tina Belcher?

-Yeah.
-Don't talk. Just listen.

But you just asked me
if I was Tina Belcher--

-[shushes]
-Okay.

I believe I have something
that belongs to you.

A book of horse-related writing?

Your Horse-torical Fiction?

Are you still there?

Yeah, sorry. You-you told me
not to say anything--

-[shushes]
-Right.

If you ever want to see
your precious book again,

it'll cost you $50. Cash.
Secure the money.

You'll receive a call
at 10:00 a.m. tomorrow

with further instructions.

And tell no one.
No parents. No cops.

And, uh, no parents or cops.

Got it?

You're allowed to answer.
It's fine.

-Mm, mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
-Okay, bye.

Tina, everything okay?

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Did you switch
our Internet provider?

Mm-hmm. I mean, no.

As I long as I can keep
my Hotmail.

The nerve of this person.

Holding your weird erotic
horse book for ransom.

Yeah, write
your own horse smut.

$47, $48 and $2 in change means

$50 of birthday
and babysitting money.

Tina, you cannot give
this person

a single penny of our money.

We're dealing
with a criminal here.

Don't you think
I know that, Louise?

Wait. Our money?

Well, yeah.

As your wealth manager
and beneficiary

I can't let you do this.

But if I don't pay him,
then what's the other option?

We can't tell Mom and Dad
'cause if he finds out,

I might never get my book back.

Hear me out: I've got a plan.

He's gonna call you
tomorrow morning

and tell you where to leave
the money, right?

So when you find out

where you're supposed
to make the exchange,

Gene and I shoot over there
and hide.

We monitor the drop point.

Then, when this punk grabs
the money,

we follow him back
to wherever he came from

and threaten to go to the cops

if he doesn't give us
the book back.

We get the book, keep the money
and we all high-five.

[Gene]
And then maybe
we go out dancing.

-Louise?
-What?

I know you want to help,
but I think the safest thing is

to just follow his rules
and not make any trouble,

so I just need you
to stay out of it.

I-I'm just trying to have
a nice, simple

ransom situation here, okay?

-But you don't--
-Nope.

-[sighs] If we just--
-Nope.

Okay, fine. Can I just
say goodbye to the money?

[whispering]
I'm gonna figure this out.

-I love you.
-[Tina] Louise.

I want to say goodbye
to the change.

March on, dimes.

[Linda knocks]
Tina, honey,

you ready to head down
to the restaurant?

[Tina]
Uh, is it okay if I stay
up here for a while?

Still pretty upset.

Sure, honey. No problem.

-Louise, Gene, move it.
-[Louise] We'll be right down!

[Gene] We're primping.
Trust me, it's worth it.

Okay. Bye, Tina.
We'll-- we'll miss you.

Partly because Gene and Louise
are so bad at working,

but also because we love you.

Both things, but they are
really, really bad

and-and you're better.

-[Louise] We can hear you, Dad!
-Sorry.

[Louise] Okay, Gene, time
to leave our apartment

and, um, and go down,
uh, downstairs, huh, buddy?

-Walking.
-[Louise] Walking.

-Walking. Walking.
-[Louise] Walking.

-Opening the door.
-'Cause that's how we get out.

-[phone rings]
-Hello?

[distorted voice]
Did you get the money?

Yes, I have it. 50 big ones.

But most of them are
little ones.

Put it in an envelope.
Get a roll of duct tape.

Tear off four pieces,

make those little loops
with them,

not too big, not too small.

Put them on the back
of the envelope.

And try not to get the loops
all twisted up

'cause they won't stick as well.

I guess you could add more loops

to compensate
for the twisted loops--

Um, you're kind of focusing
a lot on the tape

and loops right now,
it feels like?

Just bring the envelope
to Wonder Wharf.

There's a bench
along the wall of the arcade.

Stick the money
to the underside of the seat.

That's why you need
all the loops.

No, I-I get it...

I'm not just a weird tape freak.

Nobody's saying that.

Come alone. Once the package
has been collected,

you will receive a call
with instructions

for where you can find
your book.

And don't try anything funny,
or this book will take

a long walk
off a short shredder.

-[gasps]
-Be there in 15 minutes.

Wait, I forgot how many loops...

-[dial tone]
-Oh, you're gone.

Duct tape, duct tape.

God, this junk drawer's a mess.
It's all junk!

Hi, um, I'm gonna take a walk.

See if I can, you know,
find my book. [weak chuckle]

I didn't look
in the rest of the city yet.

Okay, sounds good, hon.

Poor Tina, losing
her super sexy horses book.

I know, rough stuff.

Hey, Gene and I should
really go after her.

She needs the comfort
of her peers.

-And the squeaks from our rears.
-Aw, that's nice.

Just try and be back
before the lunch rush.

-You got it, big guy!
-We live for that crap.

♪ ♪

Okay. Walkie-talkies.

Once we're in position, this is
how we're gonna communicate.

But also with our soulful eyes.

[Louise]
Hide behind this trash can.

I'm gonna go hide behind
that planter over there.

Can we switch?
I want hide behind something

that doesn't smell
like a dirty diaper ate

an egg salad sandwich.

No. This works for me.

Lot of duct tape.
[grunts] Got it.

Acting totally normal.

Just reaching
under a dirty bench.

Lot of gum.
More gum than bench, really.

The T-train has left
the station.

Now we wait
for the book heister.

I got eyes on everybody
coming from the north.

You watch out from everybody
coming from the south.

Which one's south again?
Is it east?

Just... ugh, watch whoever
takes the money. Over.

So what should we talk about
while we wait?

Ken's new faux hawk?

-[shushes] Gene.
-[Gene] Sorry.

I thought it was called
walkie-talkie,

not walkie-shushy.

-[Louise] Just zip it.
-[Gene groans]

-[phone rings]
-Hello?

You didn't follow
my instructions, Tina.

W-What are you talking about?
I did the duct tape

and the loops and a few of them
got twisted, sure,

but I-I did so many loops!

-I said, "Come alone!"
-I did.

The loud boy?
On the walkie-talkie?

Talking about someone
named Ken and his faux hawk?

What? Damn it, Gene and Louise!

Don't call me Gene and Louise.

-[sighs] No, I--
-I'll give you one more chance.

You'll receive another call
tomorrow at 10:00 a.m.

In the meantime, you must deal

with the consequence
of your disobedience.

What do you mean?

Go to the base of the south
stairwell by the beach.

Underneath the pier.

Something's waiting
for you there.

What is it?

[singsongy]
I don't know.

Actually, I do know.
Sorry, that was confusing.

-Okay. Bye.
-[dial tone]
-Ugh!

[Louise]
Where is he?

Why hasn't he come
to get the money yet?

[Gene]
Maybe it's time for him

to book-nap a day planner,
am I right?

Wait a minute.

Tina?

[Gene]
She took her own book?

The perfect crime.

Gene, Louise?
Where are you? Come out.

Look who it is.
[weak chuckle] Tina.

You're looking well.

The book-napper saw you guys
and called it all off!

You ruined everything!

I told you not to get involved,
Louise.

It was a good plan, Tina.

It basically went perfectly,

except for the part where
we didn't catch the book-napper

and the part where you seem
undelighted with us

for some reason.

Wait. Where-where are you going?

Not that it's any
of your business,

but to the south stairwell
underneath the pier.

The book-napper left
something for me.

Taking stuff, leaving stuff.

Will this guy just
make up his mind?

[Louise]
Um, does that brick have
your name on it?

-Uh...
-Probably just a coincidence.

I think Tina's
a pretty popular brick name.

There's something underneath it.

Uh...

[gasps]
Francois?

-No!
-[squawking]

"Turn over.

"One horse a day, every day,
if you don't follow the rules.

Come alone means come alone."

Okay. So, that clarifies it.

Come alone. Got it.
Good stuff to know.

Okay, Tina, you can do this.

I'm so sorry, Francois.
Je t'aime.

Louise, why are you still here?

Go-go down
to the restaurant already.

I'm going. Gosh!

-[phone ringing]
-Ugh! Do not listen.

I'm not. Look at me.
Who's listening to phone calls?

Not this gal.

I'm just looking for my...
work shoes.

-Hello?
-Tina, it's me. From before.

-Right.
-I'm giving you

one last chance
to get your horse book back,

but the price has gone up.

-Now's $75.
-What? I don't have that much!

That's the cost
of breaking the rules.

But it was my sister's fault.

She went rogue
without my knowledge.

Well, it's your fault
for having a sister.

But I wasn't allowed
to weigh in on that decision.

Either you find the rest
or all your Mr. Eds

-are Mr. Dead.
-[gasps]

So it's goodbye
to Whinny-ston ChurchHoof.

-Ah!
-Goodbye, Saddle-dor Dalí.

Oh, God!

Goodbye,
Alexander the Great Horse.

Please, no! I'll get the money.

You'll have till 4:00 p.m.
this afternoon.

I'll call with further
instructions.

4:00 p.m.? If I can't get
the money by then,

can we maybe consider,
like, a payment plan?

-[dial tone]
-Ugh!

How'd it go? Pretty good?

Don't feel like talking? Okay.

Psst.

Did you get it?

Could you record it
off the burger phone?

You tell me.

[recording]
Tina, it's me. From before.

Yeah! Okay.
So now we listen for clues.

Figure out where this person is.

Ideally, like, a very specific
subway goes by

that we both instantly
recognize the sound of?

Or we hear Big Ben
and we know it's in London.

Tina, it's me. From before.

You have till 4:00 p.m.
this afternoon.

I'll call with further
instructions.

Damn it!
We've listened to it ten times

and we got nothing.

Not even like
a regional bird chirp.

[sighs]
What else do we know?

It had to have been someone
who was at the steps, right?

Who was there that day?

-Skateboarders skateboarding.
-Typical.

Ugh, I think I know
who we have to talk to.

[Louise]
Hello, Logan.

I don't remember
ordering two dweebs.

Mom, did we order
from DweebDash?

Hi, this is Tina Belcher.

Um, I was wondering
if you might need a babysitter

from now to 3:48 p.m.?

No? Just pay me to come over
and watch your friggin' kids!

Look, Louise, I don't know
why anyone would want

some book full of
horse-related creative musings,

but even if I did,
I'd never rat out my bros.

That's why they're my bros.

It sounds like
a good group of guys.

Gene, calm down.
Logan loves his bros.

There that one bro
and the other bro,

and the one
with the brown hair, bangs...

What's his name?

Who, Troy? Solid bro.
And they're not bangs.

For dudes,
it's just "front hair."

And yeah, I'd never rat
that bro out.

Right, of course. I mean,
why would you ever rat out Troy?

What's his last name?
Troy, um...

-Walker.
-[scoffs] No, dummy.

Troy Roberts.

No. You're friends
with Troy Walker.

He lives on Oakwood Road
and his mom's name is Nancy.

What the heck are you
talking about?

The only Troy I know is
Troy Roberts

and he lives on Lake Street
and his mom's name is Sandy,

and she asks me about myself,
and she makes her own pizza,

you idiot!

Ugh, you're right.
[laughs] I'm an idiot.

Well, just let you back
to whatever you were doing.

I believe the words
you're looking for are

"Xboxing my butt off,"

and yes, I'd like
to get back to it.

Absolutely.

Let's go, let's go,
let's go, let's go.

My best to the bros!

Oh, good, Tina, you're here.

-Uh-huh.
-Hi, Tina.
-Hey, Tina.

Any chance you and your brother
and your sister are

available to work here?

Because you guys used
to do that,

but you seem
to have stopped entirely.

They could really use
your help, Tina.

-Believe me. [chuckles]
-Wait, what-what do you mean?

Oh, just sticky menu,
ketchup's getting low...

The wheels are coming off.

-Hey!
-Yeah.

It's not a criticism.
Don't take it that way.

"The wheels are coming off."
That's not a criticism?

I mean, if you take it that way,
I suppose it is, but...

Yeah, not-not quite ready

to go back to work yet,
but, um...

Hey, I was wondering if I could

maybe get an advance
on my allowance for this week?

-What?
-An advance? For what, sweetie?

Oh, um, for homework?

For, uh, money class?

-Money class?
-I-I mean for v-vitamins?

-Homework vitamins.
-Homework vitamins?

When I was a kid,
we called that speed.

-Oh.
-Never mind. Forget it.

I'll figure it out. Bye.
[panting]

And she's gone again.

-[drums playing inside]
-[Louise] Okay.

What you got for us,
Troy Roberts on Lake Street?

Who's his roommate? Jack Hammer?

-Um, hi.
-Hey, is Troy home?

Uh, yeah, Troy's in the garage
playing his drums.

That must be fun for everyone
a mile in every direction.

Troy! Some kids are here
to see you!

-What?
-They're here to see you!

-What?!
-Hey.

You were at the steps
last Friday, right?

-I was.
-Were you the one who took
my sister's horse book?

-What? What's a horse book?
-It's what it sounds like.

Why would I need a horse book
when I got these fillies?

Okay. Do you know
who might have taken it?

Honestly, if I'm at the steps,
I'm mostly focused

on my friends
Ollie and Kick Flip.

-Skateboard moves.
-Yep.

Do you remember
who else was there that day?

I mean, everyone? Let's see.

♪ There was Eric Rivers ♪

♪ And Cailen Montgomery ♪

♪ And Monica Delgado ♪

-♪ And E. J. ♪
-Okay, great. Thank you.

♪ And Ira Miller ♪

♪ And India Durazo ♪

♪ And Beckett M.
and Beckett Y. ♪

[whoops] Lot of names.

♪ And the three goth kids ♪

♪ I know one of them
is Brandon ♪

♪ Who did I forget? ♪

♪ Oh, right! ♪

♪ My little sister, Regan ♪

♪ But she's so forgettable ♪

Ugh. Is that everyone?

♪ I... think... so! ♪

All right, great. Thanks. Bye.

♪ I'm playing you out. ♪

-[recording] Tina. Tina. Tina.
-Ugh.

Basically, every teenager
in the world was

-at the steps that day.
-Tina.

-Tina.
-I can't wait
till I'm a teenager

-and I'm excited
about cement stairs.
-Tina. T-T-Tina.

[sighs] Why couldn't there be
$22 in change in the couch?

What are couches even good for?

[recording]
Tina, it's me. From before.

[gasps] Is that from
my phone call earlier?

-Did you record it?
-Whoops.

In our defense,
you said I couldn't listen

but you never said
Gene couldn't.

-Ugh!
-I know what'll make you
feel better.

A little remix.

-[lively music playing]
-♪ Tina, it's me ♪

♪ Ti-Ti-Tina, it's me ♪

[high pitch]
♪ Ti-Ti-Tina, it's me ♪

-♪ From before. ♪ [farts]
-Eh?

Wait, Gene,
play that last one again.

Okay.

[less distorted]
Tina, it's me. From before.

-I know that voice.
-Mm?

Oh, my gosh.
That-that sounds like Regan.

Holy crap! Wait, who's Regan?

Troy's sister.

Holy crap! Um, who's Troy again?

-Logan's friend.
-Oh, yeah, right. Holy crap!

[phone ringing]

[knock at door]

[Louise]
We know you're in there.
Open up.

-[Gene] Hello, Regan.
-Uh...

Surprised to see us?

Or did we interrupt you
in the middle of a phone call?

Also, hi. I'm Tina Belcher.
Yes, that Tina Belcher!

We know you took
my sister's horse book.

-And you killed Francois!
-No, I didn't.

Yes, you did. We figured it out.
Well, I figured it out.

Which makes up for everything
Tina was mad at me about before.

-I mean, I'm not totally
sure it does--
-[shushing] It does.

-I... okay.
-So hand it over, Regan,
or we're gonna tell on you

like you've never been
told on before.

A tattletale tell-a-thon.

I don't even know what you guys
are talking about.

Oh, I think you do.
We have you on tape.

Or Casio. Play it, Gene.

[recording]
Tina, it's me.

-From before.
-That could be anyone.

That could even be an AI thing,
for all I know.

A-I don't think so.

Well, if you don't have it,
you should have no problem

letting us search
your bedroom for it.

-Be my guest.
-Oh, we will.

-Shoes off or on?
-On. Is fine.

Yeah, it is.

Where are our kids?

Did they grow up?
Are they in college?

No, we can't afford that, right?

Should we have more kids?
Someone's got to bus the tables.

Yeah. Maybe.

[Louise]
It's got to be
in here somewhere.

Nice picture.

Are you a member
of the grumpy face society?

It's my school ID.
I just started high school.

-I've heard of it.
-Anyway. See?

I told you. I didn't take
your horse book.

What's this? Rosie the Ribbiter?

[Regan]
It's just this dumb comic
I used to draw.

I don't draw that anymore.
I'm in high school.

I do other stuff,
like looking at my phone

when everyone else is
looking at their phone, okay?

Ooh, pizza oven.

Is that where your mom makes

her famous homemade pizzas
that you haven't offered us yet?

Is it pizza night?

-Uh...
-Regan?

-Uh...
-Oh, my God.

Is my Horse-torical Fiction
in the pizza oven?!

No...

[screaming]

Quick, quick, ah!

No!
[panting]

She burned it.

You book-burning B-word!

Hi, honey.

-Having some friends over?
-Uh...

Oh, you started the pizza oven.
Great. I'll get the dough.

Are your friends staying
for dinner?

-No!
-No!
-Maybe?

Okay...

Regan, what are you looking at?

Oh, my God. There it is!

-[gasps]
-Nah-uh!
-Give it to us.

Or we'll go in there right now
and tell your mom.

And see what toppings
she's thinking of.

Or I just burn it now
and it's your word against mine.

-Damn it, Regan.
-I called you at 4:00.

You didn't answer,
so I had to start the oven--

which I had to do anyway
because it's pizza night--

but I did it early
to burn your book

because that's the only evidence
that connects me to you.

Don't do it, Regan.

I-I'll give you all the money
I have right now.

No, no, no, no, no.
We're past money.

You know too much about me.
This is how this has to go.

And-and, you know, I'm actually
doing you a favor, Tina.

Back when I was in eighth grade,
I was a lot like you.

Innocent. Naive.

I didn't really care
what anybody thought about me

or whatever weird stuff
I was into.

I didn't care
about the way I dressed

or what my hair looked like
or if my bangs made sense

-or if my socks looked like
that. -Wait, what?

But as soon as I got to high
school, all of that changed.

Do you think that people were
into Rosie the Ribbiter comics?

No! They were not.

So I stopped doing it.
I stopped doing lots of stuff.

And now I fit in.
And I'm really, really happy.

Trust me, Tina, this will make
your life so much easier.

You're welcome.

[all gasp]

[grunting]

Ah! Hot, hot, hot, hot!
[groaning, blowing]

-Here, T.
-Damn it.

Johan Sebastian Bare-bach.

Neigh-braham Lincoln.
You're okay. You're okay.

Fine. Enjoy your story time.

But, hey, Tina,
come high school,

-they're gonna eat you alive.
-Hay is for horses, Regan.

And that's just fine with me

'cause I'm a horse
to be reckoned with.

Yeah, she is.

We definitely shouldn't stay
for pizza, right?

Should we stay?
We shouldn't stay.

♪ ♪

[Tina]
"Revolution was hard.

"Lot of heads ripped off
and shoved under bricks.

"But the thing about heads is
they go right back on.

"Francois was able to return
to his blacksmithery

"stronger and more toned
than ever.

"He was ready to make horseshoes
for his brave new country.

"He was gonna be a busy boy

"and busy boys deserve
a good dinner.

"Tonight was his favorite:
frog's legs.

Specifically, a frog being
Rosie the Ribbiter. The end."

♪ Francois, Francois,
Francois, Francois ♪

♪ Everyone get on their saddle ♪

♪ He will lead us into battle ♪

♪ Francois, Francois,
Francois, Francois ♪

♪ Every stallion,
every gelding ♪

♪ He'll protect us
with his welding ♪

♪ Just check out
his horsey muscles ♪

♪ No doubt victory we'll claim ♪

♪ He's so French
that France is ♪

♪ Right there in his name ♪

♪ Viva La Francois. ♪

[Tina] Well, yeah,
he's a blacksmith.

He's pounding all day.

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