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What's the matter?
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You are not cooperating.
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When you dance the tango, you should
have a sultry look.
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Sultry look? What do you mean?
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Like this.
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Well, I don't think we should look that
sultry.
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Why not?
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Look, hon, if we're doing this dance for
Little Rick, it's PTA. We don't want to
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have the school raid it.
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Well, you don't have to overdo it. Just
look interested.
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You know, breathe heavily or something.
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Breathe heavily? Well, you know.
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Hiya. What are you doing?
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We're dancing. What do you think?
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Oh. Ricky and I are going to tango for
the PTA a week from Saturday.
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Oh.
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Now, look, honey.
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What? Do we have to dance?
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Can't we just take tickets or sell
popcorn or scrape the gum from
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chairs after the show or something?
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Now, honey, I promised them that we
would perform.
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I know, but I just don't want to lay an
egg, that's all.
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Hey, speaking of that, look.
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Ethel, you mean our chickens are started
late? Oh, not yet, but I thought we
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ought to be ready to get right down to
business the minute that first little
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rolls off the assembly line. You're
right.
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Listen, it should be any day now.
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Fred says that they should start laying
when they're six weeks old.
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Gee, just think, 500 chickens. And if
they're all conscientious, we'll have
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eggs a day to sell.
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We'll be rich.
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Smartest thing we ever did.
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Let's see, 500 eggs a day at 60 cents a
dozen.
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Oh, now, don't bother. Fred's got it
figured out to the last penny. Oh, I'll
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he has.
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Say, by the way, where is our vice
president in charge of chickens?
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He went over to Corwin's hatchery to
pick up some egg crates and some more
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More feed?
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Yep. Fred says you've got to put
something into chickens if you want to
40
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something out of them.
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Right.
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00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:50,180
Honey, let's try the finish again, huh?
All right. Hey, look at this. See what
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you think, will you? All right.
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Bill Mabanky and Rudolph Valentino.
Yeah, well... It's a little rough yet.
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some practice. Yeah, a little bit. Bye.
Oh, hi, Fred. You're back. Hello, Fred.
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How are you?
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Oh, did you get the egg crates and the
feed?
48
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Well, I got the feed, but no egg crates.
49
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Why not?
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00:03:42,110 --> 00:03:44,490
Well, I don't know just how to tell you
this, Rick.
51
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Tell me what?
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Well, you remember I told you the
chickens started to lay when they were
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weeks old? Yeah.
54
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I made a slight miscalculation. Mr.
Corwin tells me it's six months.
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What?
56
00:03:56,030 --> 00:03:57,070
Oh, brother.
57
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No wonder those little chicks look so
wild -eyed when I put them on the nest
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said, come on, give.
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00:04:04,350 --> 00:04:08,030
I thought you were raised on a farm and
you knew all about chickens.
60
00:04:08,330 --> 00:04:09,630
So I made one little mistake.
61
00:04:10,630 --> 00:04:12,010
One little mistake, he says.
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Well, you know, that one little mistake
of you puts me in a bad spot.
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I was dependent on the money from the ex
to help pay the expenses around here.
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00:04:19,589 --> 00:04:24,070
Yeah, I know, Rick, and I'm sure sorry.
It doesn't make me want to jump for joy
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either. Oh, brother.
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Well, listen, partner, this puts a whole
new light on our business arrangement.
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What do you mean? Well, I mean that we
were going to share the profit from
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selling the eggs, right?
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00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:40,780
Right. In return, I was going to do all
the work around here for nothing, right?
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00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:44,980
Right. Well, now, there won't be any
profits, so until the chickens start
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laying, I think you ought to pay me your
salary, right?
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Wrong.
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00:04:52,940 --> 00:04:53,940
How do you figure?
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Well, now, look, Fred, I'm not making
any money out of the eggs.
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00:04:57,610 --> 00:05:00,110
In the meantime, you're living in the
guest house for nothing.
76
00:05:00,510 --> 00:05:04,090
So until the chickens start laying, I
figure you should pay me rent.
77
00:05:05,310 --> 00:05:09,810
Rent? Yeah, you know, that little cent
that I used to pay you the first of
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00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:10,990
month for 16 years?
79
00:05:11,470 --> 00:05:14,510
Now, now, now, wait, you two, don't get
into a snit.
80
00:05:15,050 --> 00:05:18,330
Now, just maybe we don't have to wait so
long to have some profits.
81
00:05:18,730 --> 00:05:19,730
What are you talking about?
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00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:23,600
Well, why couldn't we trade in those
baby chicks for some full -grown hens
83
00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:24,940
would start laying eggs right away?
84
00:05:25,660 --> 00:05:29,160
Yeah! That way you'd have your profits
and you'd have your income.
85
00:05:29,540 --> 00:05:30,740
Now we're getting someplace.
86
00:05:31,220 --> 00:05:32,800
I've got to hand it to you, Lucy.
87
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:35,140
Yeah, honey, that's a good idea.
88
00:05:35,540 --> 00:05:36,940
Yeah, I've done it again.
89
00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:39,160
Again?
90
00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:43,280
Oh, don't knock it. Just be glad I did
it this once.
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00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:44,519
Oh, look, Fred.
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00:05:44,520 --> 00:05:47,120
Let's go over to the hatchery and see
what kind of a deal we can make with
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00:05:47,120 --> 00:05:50,180
fellow. Right. Let's go out and say
goodbye to our baby chicks, huh? Oh,
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00:05:50,220 --> 00:05:51,700
Say, Matthew, great idea.
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00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:53,080
Oh,
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there's nothing like growing your own
breakfast, huh, Ethel?
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Boy, I'll say. These are so fresh.
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00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:02,100
Mommy, did that chicken slay these eggs?
99
00:06:02,380 --> 00:06:03,219
Yes, dear.
100
00:06:03,220 --> 00:06:04,860
Our nice new big chickens.
101
00:06:05,880 --> 00:06:07,700
I don't know about that chicken. What do
you mean, no?
102
00:06:08,420 --> 00:06:09,940
What's the matter now?
103
00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:12,440
I'd bust it again.
104
00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:13,680
What are you talking about?
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You told me that each one of those hens
was supposed to lay one egg every day.
106
00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:23,000
Right? Well, they've been here for a
whole week and all we got is six lousy
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00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:25,740
eggs. What do you expect me to do?
Squeeze the eggs out of them?
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00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,540
Well, you're the expert. Do something.
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I've done everything but jump up and sit
in the nest with them.
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00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:35,300
Oh, now, honey, don't get all upset.
111
00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:38,340
Maybe the reason the chickens aren't
laying is because they're nervous.
112
00:06:39,620 --> 00:06:42,060
Nervous? What are they... got to be
nervous about?
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Wouldn't you be nervous if someone was
standing around waiting for you to lay
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egg?
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00:06:47,340 --> 00:06:49,280
Yeah, Rick, it's their new surroundings.
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As soon as they get the feeling at home,
I'll bet they'll drop eggs so fast
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we'll have to jump out of the way.
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She's right, Rick.
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Well, I hope they stop feeling at home
soon.
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00:06:58,120 --> 00:07:00,340
Well, anyway, we're getting our
breakfast for nothing.
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00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:04,420
For nothing?
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00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:11,880
Listen, with the cost of the feet, The
money that I spent fixing the hen house,
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00:07:12,060 --> 00:07:15,860
the extra heat and electricity, and the
money that we lost by switching the 500
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00:07:15,860 --> 00:07:20,640
baby chickens for the 200 hens, I figure
out each one of those breakfasts is
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costing $18 apiece.
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00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:25,600
Listen,
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I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
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I'm going to give those hens one more
day.
129
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Now, if by tomorrow they don't start
laying regularly, I'm going to sell the
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whole bunch of them and get out of the
egg business.
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00:07:38,220 --> 00:07:39,280
I can take a hint.
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00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:44,280
Come on, Ethel, let's start packing. Oh,
now, Fred, hold on. You got one more
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day. Yeah, now, Fred, instead of
packing, maybe you better get out there
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chicken house and give those hens a pep
talk.
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00:07:51,700 --> 00:07:55,220
Yeah, but why don't you try scaring
them? Walk through the hen house with a
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that says, Friars for sale.
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Sure, sure, sure.
138
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I'll help them.
139
00:08:01,260 --> 00:08:03,120
Yeah, you go help Uncle Fred, huh?
140
00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:09,620
Chickens. I should have raised something
on you.
141
00:08:09,930 --> 00:08:10,930
out, like sugar cane.
142
00:08:15,530 --> 00:08:17,370
Oh, dear. Oh, Lucy, this is awful.
143
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The boys at each other's throats, the
chickens aren't cooperating.
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What are we going to do?
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00:08:23,810 --> 00:08:26,490
I don't know. Don't give up. We got one
more day.
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00:08:27,110 --> 00:08:30,550
You don't expect those hens to lay a
bumper crop of eggs overnight.
147
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You know they could if we help them.
148
00:08:37,890 --> 00:08:42,600
Lucy, I've never laid a... egg in my
life and I really need to start trying
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00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:44,800
No, I don't mean that. I mean buy some.
150
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Maybe about five dozen.
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Take them out to the hen house, put them
in the nest and let Fred and Ricky
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discover them. What good would that do?
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It'll only delay the inevitable one more
day.
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Well, in the meantime, maybe our hens
will warm up and our men will cool down.
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It's worth a try.
156
00:09:06,020 --> 00:09:07,700
Well, so far so good.
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00:09:08,140 --> 00:09:09,129
Where's Ricky?
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00:09:09,130 --> 00:09:11,830
He went into New York. How about Fred?
He's taking a nap.
159
00:09:13,030 --> 00:09:14,030
How do you know that?
160
00:09:14,650 --> 00:09:17,390
It's after lunch and before dinner. What
else would he be doing?
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00:09:18,830 --> 00:09:20,770
I guess you're right.
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00:09:21,990 --> 00:09:24,570
Well, get your egg. Let's get out there.
All righty.
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00:09:36,330 --> 00:09:37,590
Oh, what's the matter?
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00:09:39,340 --> 00:09:42,680
Your sleeping prince, he's out by the
hen house chopping wood.
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00:09:43,320 --> 00:09:46,900
He's supposed to be taking a nap. Can't
he ever do anything right?
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Well, now what do we do?
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00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:52,700
Well, we'll just have to wait till he
finishes chopping wood.
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00:09:53,140 --> 00:09:55,180
He'll probably be out there all
afternoon.
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00:09:55,860 --> 00:09:58,560
We've got to get these in the nest
before Ricky comes home.
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00:09:58,840 --> 00:09:59,840
Well, what'll we do?
171
00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:04,800
Well, we'll just have to stash them out
of some place and just walk casually by
172
00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:09,720
Fred. We can't stash away five dozen
eggs. Well, we can give it a try. Here,
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00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:11,220
open them up. What are you going to do?
174
00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:13,800
Well, I'm going to put some in my
blouse.
175
00:10:15,780 --> 00:10:17,520
I can get some in my hip pockets, too.
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00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:19,360
Be careful.
177
00:10:19,420 --> 00:10:20,660
Oh, be careful.
178
00:10:21,860 --> 00:10:22,860
You want me to help you?
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00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:24,580
No, see now.
180
00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:26,820
Oh, you have to be awful careful.
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00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:32,480
Yeah, this...
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00:10:41,010 --> 00:10:42,010
Hey,
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00:10:42,490 --> 00:10:44,050
I can get a dozen in one pocket.
184
00:10:44,830 --> 00:10:46,170
Yeah, I'm doing all right, too.
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00:10:47,170 --> 00:10:50,790
Don't break them. Don't break them. Be
careful. Just precious.
186
00:10:57,950 --> 00:10:59,170
Three dozens?
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00:11:01,210 --> 00:11:02,530
I haven't broken one yet.
188
00:11:19,910 --> 00:11:20,910
How do I look?
189
00:11:21,970 --> 00:11:23,410
Oh, you look kind of lucky.
190
00:11:24,890 --> 00:11:27,590
Maybe I better put my jacket on. Yeah.
Want me to help you?
191
00:11:27,910 --> 00:11:28,910
I can do it.
192
00:11:29,130 --> 00:11:30,130
I'll help you, honey.
193
00:11:30,490 --> 00:11:31,950
Wait a minute now. I've got one more
thing to do.
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00:11:55,189 --> 00:11:59,550
Put them all in here and then I'll put
them away there in the firebox. I'll get
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00:11:59,550 --> 00:12:00,550
it, I'll get it, I'll get it.
196
00:12:02,250 --> 00:12:06,290
Easy now, I can't do things.
197
00:12:09,690 --> 00:12:10,690
Lucy!
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00:12:10,850 --> 00:12:11,850
Hi.
199
00:12:12,470 --> 00:12:14,310
Why, I thought you were in New York.
200
00:12:14,750 --> 00:12:17,630
Well, I decided to take the letter train
because I want to rehearse our number.
201
00:12:18,010 --> 00:12:19,010
Rehearse?
202
00:12:35,690 --> 00:12:38,110
of all those people, I want to do it
right. Now come in and rehearse.
203
00:12:38,930 --> 00:12:41,610
Well, I guess you won't be needing me,
Lucy. So long.
204
00:12:41,870 --> 00:12:45,590
Now, Ethel, wait a minute. Stick around.
I want you to see what, you know, tell
205
00:12:45,590 --> 00:12:46,590
us what it looks like.
206
00:13:09,529 --> 00:13:11,870
be dignified. We should stand at least
two feet apart.
207
00:13:12,430 --> 00:13:16,010
To tango? Yeah, well, you were right. We
don't want to get the school raided.
208
00:13:16,210 --> 00:13:18,090
Come on, honey, if we're going to tango,
let's tango, eh?
209
00:15:49,550 --> 00:15:50,550
anymore.
210
00:17:12,430 --> 00:17:13,569
Did he give the kids away?
211
00:17:45,450 --> 00:17:46,450
them and they've all disappeared.
212
00:17:46,810 --> 00:17:48,210
Well, don't tell me your troubles.
213
00:17:48,710 --> 00:17:52,330
Now, look, Fred, you're in charge of the
chickens. Now, where are they? I was in
214
00:17:52,330 --> 00:17:54,210
charge of the chickens. I quit,
remember?
215
00:17:55,030 --> 00:17:58,510
As long as you stay in here, the
chickens are your responsibility.
216
00:17:59,190 --> 00:18:01,110
I'm not staying here. We're moving out.
217
00:18:09,370 --> 00:18:11,810
Who do you mean by we? Me and my wife.
218
00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:13,160
Mrs. Mertz.
219
00:18:14,220 --> 00:18:17,080
You sure that's everybody that's moving
out?
220
00:18:18,120 --> 00:18:19,460
What are you driving at?
221
00:18:19,740 --> 00:18:21,300
I'm not driving at anything, Fred.
222
00:18:21,820 --> 00:18:24,100
Just so happens that this room is full
of chicken feathers.
223
00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:25,440
So what?
224
00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:26,839
So what?
225
00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:27,840
Yeah, so what?
226
00:18:28,020 --> 00:18:29,020
So how'd they get here?
227
00:18:29,700 --> 00:18:30,700
Don't ask me.
228
00:18:31,020 --> 00:18:33,620
You know what a miserable housekeeper
Ethel is.
229
00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:42,480
How should I know?
230
00:18:42,860 --> 00:18:44,380
Well, he doesn't sound like Perry Como.
231
00:19:10,670 --> 00:19:14,770
Just because there was no profit out of
the egg business, there's no reason for
232
00:19:14,770 --> 00:19:19,370
you to plan to walk off with 200
chickens. Just a minute. Are you calling
233
00:19:19,370 --> 00:19:20,370
chicken thief?
234
00:19:20,650 --> 00:19:21,750
Those are your words,
235
00:19:23,750 --> 00:19:28,250
not mine. I don't know how this chicken
got in here and I don't care, but I defy
236
00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:29,790
you to find another one in this house.
237
00:19:34,070 --> 00:19:36,270
You got some friends around here?
238
00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:58,400
I'm going to go over to the house.
239
00:19:58,660 --> 00:20:00,440
I'm going to wait there for 20 minutes.
240
00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:04,360
Now, if the chickens reappear, there
will be no questions asked.
241
00:20:04,660 --> 00:20:06,480
And I will not prosecute.
242
00:20:07,220 --> 00:20:08,280
Just a minute.
243
00:20:08,740 --> 00:20:10,580
Just a chicken -picking minute.
244
00:20:13,500 --> 00:20:14,500
Gee,
245
00:20:15,360 --> 00:20:17,160
Ethel, I just feel terrible.
246
00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:18,600
Me too.
247
00:20:18,820 --> 00:20:21,260
You and Fred moving back to the city.
248
00:20:21,500 --> 00:20:23,500
I don't want you to move away.
249
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:27,100
Well... I guess friends should never go
into business together.
250
00:20:27,660 --> 00:20:29,060
Yeah, I guess you're right.
251
00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:31,780
I wonder how Sears and Roebuck handled
it.
252
00:20:32,980 --> 00:20:37,200
Well, for one thing, Sears wasn't a
stubborn Irishman and Roebuck wasn't a
253
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:38,199
-tempered Latin.
254
00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:39,420
Yeah, I guess you're right.
255
00:20:40,380 --> 00:20:43,740
Well, even though we're not going to be
neighbors anymore, you and Fred can come
256
00:20:43,740 --> 00:20:45,000
out and visit us on weekends.
257
00:20:45,360 --> 00:20:49,740
Oh, Fred's so mad it'll be years before
I can drag him out here again.
258
00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:51,040
Well,
259
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:54,460
we can meet secretly for lunch at
Schraff's.
260
00:20:56,310 --> 00:20:57,550
We can do that. Yeah.
261
00:20:59,370 --> 00:21:02,890
Well, I got to go help Fred with the
packing.
262
00:21:03,850 --> 00:21:04,850
Okay.
263
00:21:05,590 --> 00:21:06,590
Dear.
264
00:21:07,410 --> 00:21:08,410
So long.
265
00:21:08,610 --> 00:21:09,610
Oh,
266
00:21:11,770 --> 00:21:14,450
I almost forgot my fur jacket's in your
closet.
267
00:21:15,690 --> 00:21:16,690
Hey,
268
00:21:16,990 --> 00:21:20,410
why don't you leave it there? Pretend
that you forgot it and you can come out
269
00:21:20,410 --> 00:21:21,650
and get it next week.
270
00:21:22,010 --> 00:21:24,190
Oh, that's a wonderful idea, Lucy.
271
00:21:24,830 --> 00:21:27,750
Maybe by that time our gladiators will
have cooled off.
272
00:21:27,970 --> 00:21:30,010
Oh, come on, you coward. Put up your
dukes.
273
00:21:30,390 --> 00:21:32,230
I'm going to paste you right in the
mouth.
274
00:21:32,490 --> 00:21:34,830
I'd like to see you try. Yeah, well,
step outside.
275
00:21:35,270 --> 00:21:36,410
Well, just come in from outside.
276
00:21:37,610 --> 00:21:38,790
What's going on?
277
00:21:39,070 --> 00:21:41,190
He called me a chicken thief. That's
what's going on.
278
00:21:41,390 --> 00:21:42,610
A chicken thief?
279
00:21:43,110 --> 00:21:48,170
There are 200 chickens missing, and I
found a bunch of them over at their
280
00:21:48,430 --> 00:21:49,770
Oh, this is ridiculous.
281
00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:52,180
Fred didn't steal any chickens.
282
00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:54,620
Did you, Fred?
283
00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:57,420
Of course not.
284
00:21:57,720 --> 00:22:01,440
See, Ricky, if he says he didn't take
them, he didn't take them. How do you
285
00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:06,460
know? If there's one thing Fred isn't,
and there's only one thing Fred isn't,
286
00:22:06,460 --> 00:22:07,460
it's a chicken thief.
287
00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:10,040
Thanks, Ethel.
288
00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:13,480
All right, then, Ethel.
289
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:15,480
Let me ask you a question.
290
00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:18,580
How did a chicken get into your hat box?
291
00:22:19,980 --> 00:22:22,020
How did a chicken get into my hat box?
292
00:22:22,360 --> 00:22:24,620
Yeah. How did he get in there, Ethel?
293
00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:29,420
Lucy, are you going to stand there and
let him accuse me, too?
294
00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:35,720
Well, how did that chicken get in your
hat box?
295
00:22:37,220 --> 00:22:38,300
That does it.
296
00:22:39,140 --> 00:22:40,140
We're leaving.
297
00:22:40,220 --> 00:22:44,180
And I'll just take my fur jacket with
me. I wouldn't want to make another trip
298
00:22:44,180 --> 00:22:45,220
out here to pick up...
299
00:22:53,390 --> 00:22:56,950
cool cookie, planting those birds in our
place just to throw us off the track.
300
00:22:57,150 --> 00:22:58,550
I don't know what you're talking about.
301
00:22:58,810 --> 00:23:02,910
You were going to call me a chicken
thief and get me to leave and then sell
302
00:23:02,910 --> 00:23:05,190
the chickens to the poultry man and
collect all the money.
303
00:23:05,430 --> 00:23:07,010
Oh, no, Fred.
304
00:23:07,710 --> 00:23:09,350
He isn't that clever.
305
00:23:10,510 --> 00:23:13,790
But there's someone in this room who is.
306
00:23:16,310 --> 00:23:19,630
Are you calling me a chicken thief?
307
00:23:20,030 --> 00:23:22,350
Those are your words, not mine.
308
00:23:23,130 --> 00:23:26,370
You got a lot of nerve, you and your hat
box full of chicken feathers.
309
00:23:26,590 --> 00:23:27,590
Oh, yeah, yeah.
310
00:23:27,710 --> 00:23:30,890
I suppose you want me to think those
birds walked into that closet and shut
311
00:23:30,890 --> 00:23:32,070
door behind it. I have no...
312
00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:03,380
Her little Bruce's room is full of our
chickens.
313
00:24:03,860 --> 00:24:05,200
How did they get there?
314
00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:07,680
I don't know, but I have a sneaking
suspicion.
315
00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:08,880
Little Ricky!
316
00:24:11,580 --> 00:24:12,580
What, Mommy?
317
00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:15,360
Have you been hiding our chickens, dear?
318
00:24:39,790 --> 00:24:40,790
chicken seat.
319
00:24:41,270 --> 00:24:44,530
Well, that's all right, Rick. I've been
called worse things by Ethel.
320
00:24:47,310 --> 00:24:48,850
Lucy, can you forgive me?
321
00:24:49,570 --> 00:24:51,230
Can you forgive me?
322
00:24:51,750 --> 00:24:55,250
I guess it'll take more than a bunch of
chickens to break our friendship. Right.
323
00:24:55,830 --> 00:24:58,110
How about the chickens, Daddy? Can you
keep them?
324
00:24:58,910 --> 00:25:02,590
Well, I don't know if we can keep them
or not, son. You see, Uncle Fred and I
325
00:25:02,590 --> 00:25:04,930
went into the egg business together, but
it doesn't seem to...
326
00:25:40,330 --> 00:25:44,970
bottle magic the fastest easiest home
permanent ever
327
00:26:18,890 --> 00:26:21,370
I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.
328
00:26:22,010 --> 00:26:26,130
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back
next week at this same time.
26426
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