All language subtitles for i_love_lucy_s04e05_mr_and_mrs_tv_show

How was the luncheon?

Ethel, it was absolutely fabulous.

Carolyn and I went to 21 for lunch.

How's the baby? Oh, he's fine. He's
asleep.

Wait till you hear what happened.

Ricky will just die when he hears. What
happened?

Well, when we went and it was so
crowded, we sat with some friends of

And who do you think the man turned out
to be? Who?

Harvey Cromwell. Harvey Cromwell. Yes.

Who's he?

Oh, Ethel, don't you know anything? He's
Cromwell of Cromwell, Thatcher, and

Waterbury. They're just about the
biggest advertising agency in the

that's all. No kidding?

Yes, and while we were having lunch, Mr.
Cromwell just happened to mention that

his agency was looking for a new TV
personality to build a whole show

naturally, I brought up Ricky's name.

Naturally? I was very subtle.

Oh, I can imagine, like a garlic
sandwich.

Ethel, I was, and I have an appointment
for Ricky to see Mr. Cromwell tomorrow

morning. No kidding?

I have.

Gee, Ethel, this will mean a whole new
career for Ricky, and it'll all be

because of me.

Oh, Ricky will help a little. Oh, of
course, he's very talented. But you know

what they say, behind every great man,
there's a great woman.

Is that what they say?

Yes. Empress Josephine, Dolly Madison,
Mamie Eisenhower, we're all back there.

Well, if it gets dull back there, you
can always start a bridge game.

Oh, well, we're all behind our husbands
guiding their destinies. We're

puppeteers behind the scenes pulling the
strings.

Well, here's Howdy Doody now.

Hi, Doc. Hello, honey.

Wait till you hear what I did today. It
may change our whole life. What did you

do? I went to lunch at 21.

No. I went to lunch with a certain man.

Well, I hope you two will be very happy.

All right. If you don't want to hear it,
I won't tell you.

I won't tell you what big agency man
wants to build a whole TV show around

Say, honey, what did you do today?

Well, that's better.

You said you had lunch at 21 with a
certain man? Yes, and he's a big agency

and he has a sponsor who's looking for a
show.

No kidding?

Yes. And I told him all about you, and I
said that you had some wonderful ideas

for shows, and he wants to see you
tomorrow morning.

Why, honey, that's wonderful.

Isn't that great? Thank you.

Tomorrow morning? Yeah.

Boy, I better have some good ideas when
I go to see him. Yeah.

Let me see now.

What would be good?

Yeah, what would be good for us?

Yeah, what would be good... Us?

Yeah, us, as in we.

We?

Yes, we as in you and me?

No.

No? Yes, no.

As in not you.

Oh, now, Ricky, that isn't fair. I
started this whole thing. It's my chance

go coast to coast.

Now, look, honey, I love this country.

It's been very good to me.

I won't think of doing a thing like that
to my fellow citizens.

Well, all right, then. I think I get the
full import of that.

I don't have to have a brick wall fall
on me. I can take a hint.

Hint? Oh, shut up.

You may be interested to know, sir, that
I wouldn't be on your program now if

you begged me.

Well, that's a very sensible attitude.

Now, who's this man I'm supposed to see?

Lucy?

What's the name of the man?

Man? What man?

Oh, come now.

You can't do that to me. You won't ruin
my chance.

Why not? You're ruining mine.

Oh, now, Lucy, that's not fair.

I'll thank you to keep out of this.
Well, I won't let you do it. Ricky, I'll

tell you his name. Traitor.

Ethel, what's his name?

Well... Actually, Ethel, you know, we
don't need Ricky. We could build a show

around you and Fred and me.

Ethel, what's his name?

funny? I forgot.

Well, it doesn't matter anyway.

I know those ANC guys.

He was just probably talking.

Oh, no, he wasn't. He has a sponsor and
the time all cleared.

Sure, sure. Well, he has and he's a very
big man.

Big man.

He's probably been saving all month just
so he could go to 21 for lunch once.

Probably an office boy.

Office boy. That's a fine thing to
call... Oh, no, you don't.

You know what he's trying to do? He
thinks he's so smart.

Trying to trick me into saying Harvey
Cromwell.

Harvey Cromwell. Harvey Cromwell.

Boy, I'll say he's a big man. Thank you,
honey. I'll see him first thing in the

morning. Harvey Cromwell.

I've given green light on this project.

So let's get right out...

Take it right over tackle.

And remember, the game isn't over until
the last stop.

Cromwell. Yes, Mr. Taylor.

Mr. Ricardo's here to see you.

Send him in. Yes, sir.

You may come in now. Thank you, Mr.
Taylor.

Hello, Mr. Cromwell.

Oh, hello, Mr. Ricardo. Very kind of you
to see me, sir. It's my pleasure. Thank

you. Now, we need a show for the Phipps
Department Store. And our problem is,

what kind of a show?

Well, I... Now, sit down. Sit down,
Taylor.

Let's get as much brain matter on this
as possible.

Sit down, Cardo. Thank you.

Well, I had an idea... Now, take the
bulb of the horns before any more water

passes under the bridge.

Everybody think.

Well, I made a pile... Cardo!

Now, I'm just thinking out loud.

This is right off the top of my head.

But try this on for size.

Now, the sponsor wants to appeal to the
women in the audience, right?

I'll buy that.

So how about one of those husband and
wife TV shows?

No.

Very close.

There's a lot of good stuff there, but
it won't quite wash. No, no, no. It

boil the water.

See?

I've got it. What?

A Mr.

and Mrs.

TV show.

It must have been a white show.

What an idea.

Ideas, sheer genius.

Thank you, thank you.

Now,

Ricardo, you and your wife be ready to
start rehearsal at a moment's notice.

Well, Mr. Crumble, I'm afraid that...
What's the matter?

You're married, aren't you?

Yes, sir, but you don't... Charming
wife. I met her yesterday.

She thinks she's very talented.

Yes, sir, that's just the point. Now,
look here, Ricardo.

I'm a very busy man. We've got the train
on the track. Let's not fumble them

all. It's a husband and wife show or
nothing.

Well, if you just give me a chance to
explain... Taylor, find out if Cougar is

available. Yeah, we... I'll do it.

Good boy.

Now I can count on you and your wife?

Yes, sir, you can count on us.

Thank you very much, Mr. Cromwell. Thank
you, Mr. Taylor.

Don't worry, sir. We'll boil the water
before it passes under the bridge that

the train track is on.

Son, Mr. Cromwell, do you want to know
how the interview went?

No, I'm not particularly interested.

Well, you know what? That television
show, I've been thinking it over, and

there's something I'd like to ask you.

Yes?

Well, I thought it might be... Well, how
would you like it if... Let me put it

this way.

It might be a... Nothing.

Hello?

I'd like to speak to Mr. Taylor, please.

This is Taylor.

Mr. Taylor, this is Rico Ricardo. I
guess can't... Ricardo, I'm glad you

H .C. has taken the bull by the horns
and he's got the train on the track.

Is that good?

moving, man.

The time's been cleared, the sponsors
all signed up, and we go on the air day

after tomorrow at 8 a .m. from your
apartment.

Yeah, but listen, uh... And wait until
you hear the title H .C. has come up

with.

Breakfast with Ricky and Lucy.

Well, that's great, all right, but,
uh... This is going to be one of the

television programs to hit town in
years.

I do want to be ready for rehearsals
tomorrow morning.

What station is it on?

That wasn't the radio.

It wasn't? Well, where's that beautiful
voice coming from?

From this untalented throat.

That was you singing?

Yes.

What are you trying to do?

Nothing. I just don't believe it at all.
Go ahead. Sing some more.

What for?

Because I don't believe it. It was
beautiful. It couldn't have been you

Go ahead. Sing some more.

is just one thing that we have to do.
You have to be on that television show

with me.

Really? You really mean it? Yes, I
certainly do. I'm going to go right down

that Mr. Cromwell's office and I'm going
to tell him.

It's either going to be a husband and
wife show or nothing.

What if he says no?

Honey, if he wants me, he'll have to
take both of us.

I'll go tell him right now.

Okay, we'll take it from the top. Okay.

Phipps Department Store presents
Breakfast with Ricky and Lucy.

sweetheart. Would you like to say good
morning to our TV viewers?

Ah, woo! Good morning, everyone.

Did you sleep well, dear?

Oh, what a silly question.

I was sleeping on a Fips foam mattress.

A Fips foam mattress rocks you to sleep.

Ah. Is breakfast ready?

Oh, yes, darling.

Thank you.

What?

That's right, dear.

Mmm.

It's delicious.

Of course, dear. I got it from Phipps
Fountain and Tea Room.

Food always tastes better when they fix
it.

I don't know... What they do to it.

Oh, girls.

Girls, I just want to tell you something
that happened to me. It was so exciting

yesterday. I got out of bed feeling
rather drab and dull. You know, sort

And then I went to Phipps. And I found
the most adorable pair of shoes

and the dreamiest new dress.

And I got the full treatment at Phipps
Beauty Salon.

Well? I just felt like a new woman.

If you'll excuse me, I'd like to show
you what Phipps did for me.

You'll excuse me?

Excuse me, darling?

Certainly.

And while my lovely wife has gone to
change to show you what Phipps did for

I'd like you to meet our lovable and
wonderful neighbors.

Our very good friends, the Mercers.

Fred and Ethel!

Hello! Good morning!

Hello, Alternative E -Land!

And what have you two early birds been
up to?

We've been shopping.

You have been shopping? Yeah.

Where?

Where else would we go but Phipps? From
the top floor to the bottom. If it's

bargains, Phipps has got them. Down at
Phipps your credit's great.

Ask today for a Phipps a plate.

First on your list of shopping tips.

I think that'll be enough rehearsing for
today.

Oh, are we going to do the rest of it?

Oh, no. I don't want you to go stale.
Oh. Mr. Cromwell likes it to look

unrehearsed, like he just did. Oh. Yeah.
Well, look,

I'm due down at the club, so I'll see
you all later. All right, darling.

Bye, dear.

Oh, everybody back here at 8 o 'clock in
the morning, and we'll have a dress

rehearsal before we go in the air.

We'll be here. Watch that. Honey, I love
the way you sounded. Your harmony was

great. See you later, honey. Bye,
sweetheart.

Mr. Taylor, was the show really all
right? All right. Is it really going to

good? It looks great. In my opinion,
we're going to have a hit.

Oh, good.

Mr. Cromwell certainly had a good idea
here.

Mr. Cromwell?

This was Ricky's idea.

No, it was Mr.

Cromwell's idea.

Are you sure?

Well, I was there when he thought of it.

Really? Yes.

As a matter of fact, your husband didn't
go for the idea.

But Mr. Cromwell said it would be a Mr.
and Mrs. Show or Nothing.

that, did he? Mm -hmm.

Oh.

Well, we're all packed up.

Is it all right if we leave the
equipment set up till tomorrow?

Mm -hmm. Fine, thank you. See you in the
morning.

Oh, and don't be nervous. You're going
to be sensational.

Thank you. Bye.

Bye.

Ask him if he thought this dress would
look all right on television.

What do you think?

It's just perfect. You look like a test
pattern.

Well, what happened to you?

I'll tell you what happened to me. Mr.

Taylor just informed me that doing a Mr.

and Mrs. show was not Ricky's idea at
all.

It wasn't? No, it was Mr. Cromwell's
idea. And Ricky kicked me into doing it

because Mr.

Cromwell said it was a Mr.

and Mrs. show or nothing.

That's the end of this show for me.

I'm not going to do it. Oh, now, Lucy,
if you don't do it, then none of us can

be on it. That's too bad.

But this is your big chance.

Are you going to muff it? You can call
me Little Miss Muffet.

Now, Lucy, that doesn't sound like you
at all. To quit, to walk out.

Gee, if you were planning on going on
the show and lousing it up, I could

understand that. But I never heard you
say you were going to quit before or

out. Hey, wait a minute. Maybe you got
something there.

Now, Lucy.

Lucy, what are you going to do?

Maybe I won't want to be on the show.

Oh, I won't do anything on the show, but
I can give him a good scare at dress

rehearsal. And then he can apologize to
me before I do the show.

All right, everybody in their places for
dress rehearsal.

You're out there and you're behind the
door. That's right. Dress rehearsal now.

Making a real good one, eh?

It looks like we're going to get away
with it. They really think this is only

dress rehearsal.

Sure, I told you I was going to fool
them.

I set every clock in the house back one
hour.

Even the Mercer's clocks are back one
hour. Oh, that's great.

They'll be so much more relaxed if they
don't know they're on the air. Sure.

Oh, we're almost ready.

Good luck, Ricky.

Thank you. Now listen, everybody.

I want to start a dress rehearsal in
just ten seconds.

You ready?

Right. I want you to go through the
whole thing from start to finish without

stopping. Just like we were on the air.

Don't stop for anything no matter what
happens.

No matter what happens?

No matter what happens.

Okay, here we go.

Phipps Department Store presents
Breakfast with Ricky and Lucy.

I didn't see you come in.

Won't you join us for breakfast?

Lucy, we have company.

Good morning, sweetheart.

Good morning, darling.

Would you like to say good morning to
our TV audience?

Woo -hoo! Good morning, everyone.

How did you sleep there?

Well, I'm not one to complain, but I had
a miserable night.

Phipps foam mattress.

But dear, a Phipps foam mattress rocks
you to sleep.

You mean a Phipps foam mattress is like
sleeping on rocks.

Funny. Always kidding.

Is breakfast ready, dear?

Yes, dear.

Waffles! That's right, darling.

different when they fix it. I don't know
what they do to us.

Oh, girls.

Girls, I want to tell you something that
happened to me.

I got out of bed yesterday feeling real
bleh.

Like a real slob.

And then I went to Phipps.

And boy, what they did to me.

If you'll excuse me, I'd like to show
you what Phipps did for me.

Excuse me.

Will you excuse me, dear? Gladly.

And while my lovely and wonderful wife
is going to change to show you what

Phipps did for her, we'd like you to
meet our wonderful and lovable

our very good friends, the Mercers.

Fred and...

out to? We've been shopping.

You have been shopping? Yeah.

Where?

Oh, when we go on shopping trips, where
else would we go

but Phipps? From the top floor to the
bottom, if it's bargains, Phipps has got

them. Down at Phipps, your credit's
great.

Ask today for a Phipps a plate.

First thing on the job. Popping tips.

Not until after she came out in that get
-up. For your

information, we just told you that this
was a dress rehearsal.

What you just did was the show.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back
next week at this same time.