All language subtitles for i_love_lucy_s04e04_the_matchmaker

Oh, no, no. Now, Dorothy, please, I want
to do it for you. It's the only way.

Now, look, you and Sam come over for
dinner tonight and just leave the rest

me.

Oh, now, stop worrying about it. We'll
have him in the trap before he knows

hit him.

Yeah, well, you'll be here tonight at
seven, okay?

All right, bye -bye.

Who are you trapping this time, Daniel
Boone?

Sam Carter, that fellow Dorothy Cook's
been going with for such a long time.

Oh, you mean she finally roped old
Slippery Sam?

Well, she's got the noose around his
neck. All she wants us to do is help her

tighten it.

What?

Oh, I don't know. I think I'm a little
rusty.

It's been 25 years since I bagged Fat
Freddy.

Oh, nonsense.

Getting a man is just like swimming.
Once you learn, you never forget.

Anyway, I have a plan. We are going to
show Sam what it's like to be married.

First, I'm going to serve a delicious
home -cooked meal, and then we'll all

tiptoe in and take a look at the baby
sleeping peacefully in his little crib.

And then we'll all come out here and sit
around a big fire and listen to

romantic music.

Oh, that'll be nice.

Won't it? Yeah.

When are you going to show them what
it's like to be married?

Now, Ethel.

Look, Ricky and I will be a wonderful
example of a young married couple, and

and Fred will be a wonderful example of
an old...

You and Fred will be a wonderful example
of a... of a more... Yeah.

Well, you and Fred will be a wonderful
example of a young couple who have been

married 25 years and are still madly in
love with each other.

Me and Fred?

Well, look, for tonight, fake it.

What's so special about tonight?

She's had her hooks in sand for three
years. I know it. But he's leaving for

California tomorrow morning. This is her
last chance to reel him in.

Tell me something, Cupid. What?

Does Ricky know about this? Of course
not.

And there's no need to tell him either.
Look, the evening will be over. Sam will

propose. Our mission will be
accomplished.

And Ricky will never know he helped
bring another bachelor to his knees.

How's my little hubs been?

Oh, not so good. Oh, what's the matter?

I got an awful headache.

Oh. What's all that?

Oh, I just thought we'd have a cozy
little dinner.

Just the four of us?

What do you do, get a girlfriend for
little Ricky?

No, Dorothy and Sam are coming over.

Dorothy and Sam who?

You know.

Oh, you mean Dorothy Spider and Sam Fly.

Hasn't she got him in her parlor yet?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Well, look, honey, why don't you call it
off? I'm not in the mood to see anybody

tonight. But, honey, I can't call it
off. They've been planning on it for

long time.

Oh, well, all right.

Hey. Yeah?

You never mentioned this before.

When did you ask him?

Go take your shower, dear.

Lucy.

When did you ask him?

This afternoon.

Well, Sam... Sam's going away tomorrow
and it's her last chance to catch... Her

last chance to what?

It's her last chance to have dinner here
with him.

Why the sudden interest in Dorothy and
Sam?

Have you been messing around with their
romance?

Of course not. I just think they're two
nice people to have dinner with, that's

all. I don't care if they never get
married. What is it to me?

All right.

We'll have dinner. Let's break it up
early.

I got a recording session in the
morning. I got to be in bed by 10 o

10 o 'clock?

Yeah, I'm sorry, honey, but if I don't
get some rest tonight, I won't have any

voice left at all.

They'll understand.

But, honey, this is your one night off.

I think it'd do you a lot more good to
just sit around and relax and have a few

laughs.

You chuckled?

Little snicker?

Oh, will you get that, dear? I'm not
quite ready yet.

It figures.

Here, give me your hand and coat. Thank
you very much.

How you been, huh? Oh, fine.

Good. Sit down. Thanks a lot.

Um, where's Lucy?

Oh, she's not ready yet.

Oh.

You know how long it takes them, Sam.

Oh, that's right. You're not married,
are you? No.

Not yet.

Well, you're cleverer than I thought.

How you manage to keep single all these
years. Oh, Ricky.

The apartment looks lovely.

Oh, thank you.

Sam, they have a lovely baby.

Oh, Ricky, could we see him? Well, I
wish you could, but he's already asleep,

and Lucy doesn't like anybody to go in
there while he's asleep, you know. She

really puts her foot down on that.

Well, hello, honey. Sam, so nice to see
you again. Thank you, Lucy. Please sit

down. Thank you very much.

My, aren't they a handsome couple?

Oh, Sam.

He's a handsome one. Stop it, George.

We were just talking about the baby. Oh,
talking about babies.

Think of the beautiful children these
two could have.

Imagine a little girl with Dorothy's
lovely hair and Sam's wide -set eyes.

Yeah.

What are you laughing at?

I was just thinking it'd be funny if she
turns out to have Dorothy's lovely eyes

and Sam's wide -set hair.

Oh, don't pay any attention to him.

I'd want her to look exactly like Sam.
Oh, well, of course you would, dear. Oh,

gee, I wish the baby was awake.

Well, let's go in and look at him
anyway.

What do you mean, let's go in and look
after him? Honey, please.

Come on.

Oh,

isn't he darling?

Husky, huh? Yes, he is.

Lucy. Lucy,

I smell something burning in the oven.
My chickens!

My chickens!

Oh,

no.

Oh, no.

Oh, oh, my.

I was in the middle of the stage, and I
started singing.

Well, I was 12 years old when I sang
that first song, and I've been in show

business ever since.

Oh, show business must be so exciting.

Yeah, it's a lot of work, but I love it.

Well, the baby is finally asleep.

I'm so sorry dinner was ruined.

Oh, you fixed something for them, dear.

No, Dorothy did.

She's a real good cook.

Well... Best meal I had in months.

Thank you.

I have a warm plate for you in the
kitchen. Oh, no thanks, Dorothy. I'm not

bit hungry.

Well, as long as you're here now, I'll
excuse myself.

I can't keep my eyes open. Oh, well,
I'll fix you some coffee, dear. That'll

keep those big brown eyes open.

No, honey, I hope you understand. I have
a recording session in the morning and

I'm just dead tired.

But, honey, can't you stay just a little
while longer? We have company.

Well, I know, dear, and I'm awfully
sorry, but... Oh, we understand, don't

dear?

Oh, of course. A man should be able to
do anything he wants to in his own home.

Good night.

Good night, Ricky.

Lucy, don't shake your head at me like
that. I told you when I got home that I

had to be in bed by ten o 'clock.

I know you did, but I didn't think you
meant it, dear.

Well, it's all your fault, dear.

My fault, darling?

Darling, if you would have consulted
with me before you made your plans, I

have told you. Oh, I'm so sorry. I
forgot to ask your permission, Your

Sam, we'd better go.

Yeah, yeah. No, don't go.

Ricky is not going to bed.

Ricky is going to bed.

Ricky is not going to bed. He's going to
stay here and act happily married if it

kills him.

Oh, Lucy, what's the use? It's all
ruined anyway.

What's wrong?

You were right, dear. Go to bed.

Lucy?

Yes, sir?

I thought I told you to mess out.

Well, I don't care. I only wanted Sam
and Dorothy to be as happily married as

thought we were.

Well, tonight has been a glorious
example.

Well, tonight doesn't count.

This isn't like any other night. You
know, the baby cried and the food

Yes, that's true.

Yeah, that's true.

Well, why do you say that tonight is not
like any other night?

That's okay.

Ricardo, you're happily married and you
know it.

Well, all right.

Sit down, Sam.

Darling.

What are you going to do now?

I'm just going to tell Sam exactly the
way I feel about marriage.

Don't!

Sam, my boy, I've been married over 12
years.

And if I had it to do over, I'd get
married again.

You would?

Yep. I would gladly get married again.

But why?

Now, that's a very good question.

And it's a hard one to answer.

Maybe it's because wives are economical.

Well... Well, Lucy saves me a lot of
money and food.

That's right, I do.

You know, serving leftovers.

Leftovers? Yes.

She's great at serving leftovers.

But the strange thing is, I never had
any of the meals of the leftovers were

leftover from.

Ricky. And yet, I would get married all
over again. I don't know why.

Maybe it's the mystery of it all.

The mystery?

Yeah.

You know... Sam, you would think that
you would know what your wife looks like

when you marry her, right?

Of course you would.

You got a big surprise coming to you, my
boy.

They have a whole other face underneath
the face you marry.

And it must be awful because they never
let you see it.

You know when they go to bed at night?
Yeah.

They cover it all up with cold cream.

Then they get their...

chins trapped in a hammock.

There were blinkers over their eyes.

And in the mornings, oi, oi, oi, in the
mornings, they come staggering out of

bed with wire cages in their hair, grits
in their face, and then they proceed to

the kitchen where they squeeze you a
glass full of tea with a little bit of

orange juice in it.

They throw some raw bacon and eggs at
you with some burnt toast, and then they

give you a cup of coffee that tastes
just like mud.

Well, I'm very happy to find out how you
really feel.

We can't stay very long because you know
how Honeybunch and I love to be alone.

Married 25 years and still mad about
each other.

Oh, shut up.

It's too late, Ethel. Lucy!

Don't you talk to me, you, you husband.

Let's go.

seeds in it as usual.

I burn an awful lot of toast, but I'm
developing...

Like what?

This is the distorted picture you gave
Sam last night.

Now, if you'd like to apologize for all
the nasty things you said, I'd be very

happy to go ahead and fix your breakfast
as I usually do.

You just did.

And I suppose I look like I usually do,
too, huh?

No, no, I wouldn't say that.

I think you look a little better.

Why should I apologize?

The only reason that I told Sam the
things I told him last night is because

and Dorothy would try to hook him. And I
told you to stay out of his affairs.

Well, for once, I decided not to do what
you told me. For once? You never do

what I told you.

Sometimes I wish I never left Cuba. That
makes two of us.

You take that back.

I won't take it back. You take back what
you said last night.

I will not.

Now, are you going to fix my breakfast
or not?

I already did, remember?

All right. Then I'll eat breakfast
downtown.

Good.

And you can have your...

Lucy.

He isn't home yet, Ethel, and it's 5 o
'clock.

He wasn't home at 3 o 'clock, and he
wasn't home at 4 o 'clock either.

Are you going to come over here every
hour just to announce that he isn't home

yet?

Well, he isn't.

Leave the door open, will you? I want to
hear the baby.

Listen, Lucy.

Didn't you tell me that when you had
your fight, you told him to go away and

stay away?

Yes, I did, but I didn't think he'd do
it.

Oh, well, now that makes sense.

Gee, Ethel.

Well, what if he isn't ever coming home?

Well, what if something's happened to
him? Oh, now, Lucy, you've got to stop

worrying. You're getting yourself all
upset.

I can't help it. Put yourself in my
place. If Fred was gone and wasn't ever

coming home, what would you be doing?

Celebrating.

You would not.

It isn't until they're gone that you
really appreciate them.

commotion about.

Oh, Ricky still isn't home and Lucy's
all upset.

He isn't ever coming home and it's all
my fault.

Oh, now, honey, he's coming home. I'm
sure he's all right.

Sure, you'll probably find him down at
the police station wearing a cop's hat

and eating an ice cream cone.

Oh, dear, if I knew where he was, I'd
call him up and I'd beg him to come

Did you call the club?

Yes, he left two hours ago.

Well, suppose we wait a couple of weeks
and notify Ellery Queen.

Brad, this is serious.

I just don't happen to think it is
serious.

Now, listen, Lucy, I know Ricky pretty
well, and I just don't believe he's

really going to leave you.

Now, where is he?

He's doing what any other husband would
do under the same circumstances.

He's just staying away long enough to
give you a good scare.

You really think so?

Sure, he's getting you good and worried.
So you'll be so glad to see him, you'll

forget you're mad at him.

Well, if that's what he's doing, then I
just won't be there when he gets home.

What? Two of them play at this game.
I'll just give him a good scare.

Well, why don't you go home and give it
to him? No, I'm not going home. I'm

going to stay right here.

What about the baby?

You go over and keep an eye on him, will
you, Ethel? No.

Please? No. But, Ethel, I can't just be
over there standing there waiting for

him when he comes in. Please?

Absolutely not.

No, no, no. Wait a minute. Wait a
minute. I'll go and stay with little

That's about the only way I'll ever get
a night's sleep. Okay. Thanks, Fred.

Okay.

Ethel?

Ethel, what if Fred isn't right?

What if Ricky really isn't ever going to
come home?

What if you keep quiet and let me get
some sleep?

home. I just saw him come down the hall.
And he brought me candy and flowers.

Good.

Lucy.

Lucy, I'm home.

sweetheart. I guess I owe you an
apology.

I shouldn't have said all those awful
things that I said.

I was in a bad humor and I just blew my
top, that's all.

Well, darling, you know I love being
married to you, honey.

You are the dearest, sweetest, most
wonderful person in the whole world.

You know, I wasn't going to come home
tonight just to teach you a lesson.

And then I got to walking around and
I... I started thinking of all the

wonderful times that we had together and
how much we meant to each other and...

Well... I brought you some flowers and
some candy.

Honey, I won't blame you if you never
spoke to me again, but... Sweetheart,

please say you forgive me, darling. I
forgive you, darling!

such a good laugh.

Oh, honey, don't be mad.

Who's mad? I'm not mad.

Who's mad?

I'm not mad at all.

Oh, honey, we're sorry. We're all sorry,
Ricky.

Oh, Ricky, where are you going?

Out. And this time I'm not going to come
back. But, honey, how about all those

things you said? You said you loved me
and all the wonderful times we had and

everything. I take them all back.

Oh, Ricky.

Ricky, Ricky, I won't mess with any more
romances. I'll mess up.

making too much noise.

Telegram. Oh.

Who's it from?

What's it say? Oh, no.

Oh, honey.

We figured if you two characters could
put up with each other for 13 years,

there must be something to this marriage
business. So we are giving it a try.

Thanks a lot, Dorothy and Sam.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back
next week at this same time.