All language subtitles for i_love_lucy_s03e27_the_diner

borrow some cream? Shh.

Not so loud.

Good morning, Lucy. Can I borrow some
cream?

Someone who shall be nameless is in a
Cuban snit this morning.

Oh.

What'd you do?

Nothing. I went down to the club last
night.

Cleaner forgot to bring his tuxedo. One
act didn't show up.

Right in the middle of his big number,
the lights went out all over the whole

neighborhood. Oh, how long did that
last? For hours.

Everybody got up and left and went into
the nightclub across the street.

How'd they manage without electricity?

Liberace was playing there.

Huh? He does his show by candlelight.

Oh, sure.

Oh, well, I don't blame Ricky for being
sore.

Well, neither do I, but things aren't
going to be very pleasant around here

today. He's as grumpy as a kangaroo with
a porcupine in his pouch.

Want some coffee?

No, thanks. Fred's waiting for his
breakfast. I'll just get my cream.

Oh, gee, I envy you, Ethel.

Why? Because Fred is so predictable.

You never have to worry about what kind
of a mood he's going to be in.

Yeah, he's always got a porcupine in his
pouch.

Hi, honey.

Hi, Ricky.

The orange juice is sour.

Well, that's not the only thing that's
sour around here.

What do you mean?

You might at least say good morning to
Ethel. Hi.

Oh, I liked it better when he ignored
me.

Well, don't worry, Ethel. He'll get over
it.

Oh, sure.

He'll soon be his usual old, charming,
smiling self. Won't you, Ricky?

on business.

Well.

Doesn't your little playmate ever go
home?

Hi, honeybirds.

Oh, shut up.

Now, what did I do?

You're just as grumpy as he is.

Well, what did I do? Nothing, Fred.
Ethel's upset at Ricky. Now, Ricky, you

Ethel you're sorry for what you said.

I'm sorry, Ethel.

I mean it, Harry.

I'm sorry.

I'm just so upset. I don't know what I'm
doing.

Now what's Lucy done?

Nothing.

Why is it always my fault?

Not really, Fred. Lucy had nothing to do
this time.

I apologize.

All right.

Just that everything went wrong at the
club last night. The guy didn't bring my

don't see. The guy went out in the
middle. Honey, don't talk about it

You're just going to get yourself all
upset again.

Okay.

I'm telling you, anybody that goes into
show business should have his head

examined. I would quit the whole thing
for two centavos.

I wish I had a nickel for every time
he's offered to quit show business for

centavos.

Well, if I had any sense, I'd be in some
regular business.

Any business is a pain in the neck. Not
like show business.

Not much. How do you think I feel,
worrying every time a tenant is going to

out and listen to all their silly
complaints?

My...

Speaking about leaky faucets, when are
you going to fix them?

No,

not now.

I'm telling you, I'm going to keep my
eye open for a real business.

And when I find it, bye -bye show
business.

Okay. Let me know when you find
something. All right. Come on, Ethel.

hungry. Okay. See you later. All right.
Bye.

Bye.

getting tired. Oh, what's up, baby?
Hello, son. Are you still looking at

wand ads?

Yes, Mommy, I'm still looking at them.
We gotta take our nap. Okay, sweetheart,

take your nap.

Come on, baby darling.

Well, we let him stay up too long.

Come on, baby darling.

Hi, Rick. Oh, hi, Frank.

Oh, boy, what a swell day.

How about a little game of golf?

I'd love to, Fred, but I'm looking into
some business opportunities here that I

might go into.

Oh, you're really serious, huh? You're
darn right I am. Well, if you find

something good, let me know.

Hey, were you serious this morning when
you offered to go into it with me? Well,

I don't remember offering, but if you
got a good deal, sure I'm in. Fred,

encourage him. I've gone through this
with him a million times.

Never mind.

Here's some of the ones that look best.
Yeah.

Delicatessen for sale cheap.

You know, the one down in the corner
makes a mint.

Oh, Ricky, a delicatessen.

What's wrong with a delicatessen? I can
just see it. Ricky Ricardo's

delicatessen. Cuban -style blintzes.

She's right, Rick. It doesn't quite have
the right ring.

Well, that's a lot of stuff. All right,
let's leave. Lucy. What?

Fred over here. There he is with Ricky
Ricardo, the salami king.

Huh?

They're figuring out what business to go
into.

Business? Fred Mertz, what's this about
you going in business?

I haven't made any deal.

I thought if we saw something good, we
might go in it.

After all, we got a few bucks put aside.

Oh, have you, Ethel?

Only every dollar we ever made, that's
all.

Hey, it might be fun if we were all
partners. Let me see that list, Ricky.

I'll read it to you.

How about a cocktail bar?

No.

when it's something I've always wanted
to own. What's that?

A diner. Diner. A diner?

Honey, we don't know anything about
running a diner. Well... Fred and I do.

worked in one once when we were stranded
in Indianapolis. Remember, Fred?

Really? Sure.

Adam and Eve on a raft. Wreck them.

Two rattle eggs on toast.

Coming up.

That's wonderful.

You know, with Fred and Ethel's know
-how...

And I got a good following down at the
club. We should have a lot of customers.

Sure, this is just perfect for the four
of us. Fred and I have the know -how,

and Ricky has the name, and Lucy has...
Lucy

has... My name is the same as his.

Don't you worry, honey. There'll be
plenty for all of us to do. Oh, sure. We

couldn't do anything without you. That's
right. Look at that. Don't you think

that looks good?

Enjoy security and independence by
owning your own business.

Well, that's it, folks.

Isn't this the sweetest little diner you
ever saw? Oh, it's a darling.

Just cute as a bug.

And you say this place does good
business?

You ought to see them. Three dip at the
counter all day long.

Really? Uh -huh.

We have to close once a week to let the
seeds cool off.

Excuse us a minute, please. Over here.

Yeah.

Well, Mr.

Watson, you just sold a diner.

Wonderful. I know you won't be sorry.

Will you just sign this purchase
agreement, and I'll meet you at the bank

morning to complete the deal. Yes, sir.

Looks all right, eh, Fred?

2 ,000. That's right. Okay.

Time to fret. Yes, sir.

Here are the keys.

Easy.

There you are.

Thank you. You're welcome. Thank you.
Bye -bye.

Well, I'll see you at the bank. Yes,
sir. Bye.

Wasn't he a nice man? He sure is.

We own the diner. We own the diner.
Isn't that wonderful?

Hey, we've got to take this sign down.
Oh, that's right. Oh, yeah. I'd like to

get another name.

Yes. Well, now, let's see.

I got it.

Oh, you're going to...

Ricky's place.

You know, I had the same thought. You
did?

With one slight change. What's that?

Fred's place.

Now, look, Fred, yesterday you said that
you got the know -how and I got the

name. And my name ain't Fred.

Look, I think people like to eat where a
woman does the cooking. I think we

should use a woman's name.

What woman's name did you have in mind?

Well, it starts with an L.

Lucy. That's right.

Now, look,

there's no use arguing about this. I'll
tell you what we'll do. What?

Well, let's not use any of our names.
Why not?

Well, my idea was to have a diner that
served Cuban food. Yeah.

Right? All right, so let's use something
different and catchy, like a little bit

of Cuba.

I see. Right here for you. Sit right out
there, Joe. There you are, Joe. Brad.

Nice to see you. Take good care of my
friend Joe here.

Yes, indeed I will.

Good evening, sir. What'll you have?

Let's see.

What's this little bit of Cuba special?

Well, sir, that's something Ricky
dreamed up. It's a hamburger patty

in Tabasco sauce and mashed bananas
between two tortillas.

I think I'll just have a hamburger.

Hamburger? Rare.

Rare. What'll you have on it?

Everything but onions.

Walk a cow past the stove and don't cry
over it.

Thanks a lot.

Cup of mud coming up.

Hey, a birthday!

How do you like the place, eh?

Come on, I got a nice seat right here
for you boys. Sit down.

There you are.

Oh, yes, indeed.

Good evening, sir.

What'll you have?

I think I'll try hash.

Hash? There's a gambler in the house.

Hash, coming up.

Gee, honey, isn't this fun?

Oh, it's just great. Just what I always
wanted. And we're making a whole bunch

of money. I know. And the best part of
it is it's so easy to run.

Yeah, I'm surprised. I thought it was
going to be a lot of work.

I'm telling you, it's a cinch. I know.
Hey, how about my pancakes?

How about my coconut? Coming right up.
Where are those pancakes?

You didn't order any hotcakes. I did,
too.

Well, I didn't hear you.

Here are your four hot dogs. I didn't
order hot dogs. Come on, dear.

How about my pancakes?

They're coming right up.

Yes, sir. I'll fix them right away, sir.

partner, too, you know.

I don't know about you doing all the
work, and they're out there having all

fun. I don't know, but it's time we made
a change.

We're going to have a lot of good food,
you know. We're going to have a roast

compote, a big bowl, everything.

You know.

What's that for?

It's time for the swing shift.

What are you doing?

Well, we've just been thinking.

Maybe we'd better trade.

You're out here doing all the work, and
we're back there having all the fun.

Fred, I don't know what to do back
there. Oh, it's very simple. You just

meat on the griddle, and when your face
gets redder than the hamburger, it's

done.

Ethel, what's the matter with you?

Now, look, Ethel, you are supposed to be
behind the counter.

You got the know -how.

And look, Ricky has to be here greeting
guests. He has a name. Yeah, and I know

what it is.

Now, look, for the last time, are you
two going to get behind that counter or

not? For the last time, are you two
going to get behind that counter or not?

No.

It doesn't make any sense. No. Well, we
can't all be out in front, so it better

be you.

Well, all right, that's better. That's
more better. Come on. Come on, dear.

Please try to get the order right.

We had four customers in here today, and
you loused up every one of their

orders. Oh, it's hard to keep track of
that many orders.

What are you talking about? They were
each here at different times.

is booming.

This is the first lull we had all
morning.

Now listen, once and for all, if we come
back, are you going to take turns doing

the dirty work?

Now look, Fred, you got the know -how
and I got the name.

I told you, Ethel, this guy knows two
songs, Babaloo, and you got the know

I got the name Blues.

That's what we agreed on.

Certainly. Now get this straight.

are not going to stay back there working
our heads off while you two are leading

a gay social whirl out front.

Well, this is a fine mess.

What are we going to do about it? Well,
we thought if you wanted to buy us out,

we'd... Buy you out?

Put another cent in this joint.

Well, we haven't got enough money to buy
you out.

Well... Well, what are we going to do?

Half of it is yours.

broke in ten minutes without us showing
you what to do. We don't.

It wouldn't be a customer in this joint
if it wasn't for Ricky's name.

I know you don't. All right. All right.
All

right. We'll split it right down the
middle and we'll see who does the best.

Okay. Okay. All right. Okay.

This is our hat. That is your hat. Okay.
All right.

Either buy something or get off.

done better business.

Don't make jokes.

That's a joke.

Look, there's nothing to kid about. You
know, we're just about to lose 2 ,000

hard -earned bucks.

I don't know how I ever got mixed up
into this.

Why did I let Fred talk me into this?

Me?

You're the one that wanted to quit show
business.

Don't blame it on me.

You had the name.

Yeah.

who has the know -how, who has the name,
who has the customers.

Yeah, who are the customers?

Where do you want these?

Oh, right here. Right here, please.

Oh, I beg your pardon.

Would you put them in the middle,
please? We have to divide them.

you, but you seem to be having lots of
fun.

We're entertaining our customers.

Oh, well, to tell the truth, I got
lonesome for the old place, and I just

dropped down to look around.

I sure miss it.

Really? Well,

Mr.

Watson, I don't blame you for missing
the place, because, you know, it's

a gold mine.

I sure do. Matter of fact, I'm sorry I
sold it.

Oh.

Yeah, well, we sure don't want you to be
unhappy, Mr. Watson.

Maybe I can talk Ricky and Fred into
giving it up.

Oh, well, I don't know about that. I'd
certainly like to have it back.

Yeah, he'd like to have it back, dear.

Well, I mean, if you really feel that
way, we'll see what we can do about it.

mean, we paid $2 ,000 for the place.
Yeah, $2 ,000, that's right. Now, we put

lot of work in this place. Oh, we've
done a lot of things. And we...

We've developed quite a clientele, you
know.

Everybody from the club comes down here,
you know.

But, gee, we don't want you to be sad
about it.

We like you. You're a real nice man.

So I tell you what we'll do.

We'll let it go for $3 ,000.

I can only give you $1 ,200.

We'll take it.

You just bought yourself back a diamond.
You bought yourself a diamond. You'll

be the first one to eat with you.

Have this and take it home to your
family. For me? Yes, sir. Well, thank

You're welcome.

It's a shame.

They're such nice people.

Nobody makes any money these days.

I do. I make a fortune.

How? Selling this place and buying it
back from people who want to go into

business for themselves.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back
next week at this same time.