All language subtitles for i_love_lucy_s03e15_the_charm_school

tell you something else.

It's impossible for me to lose weight on
a diet. I know what you mean. Me too.

I try.

I diet for four or five days, and I lose
an ounce or two, and then I see a piece

of cake or pie, and I'm dead.

Story of my life. Me too. Ricky's been
after me to lose a few pounds, but I

don't seem to have the courage to...
Wait a minute.

Look around you.

What's the matter? It's happened again.

What has?

The great divide.

Same thing happens every time we have a
party.

Lookie here.

You know, everybody around the 18th
Green was gathered around there. You

their whole membership of the
Thunderbird Club was around the 18th

had to do was to make this Miss Lee two
-foot pot to win, and I missed it. Yeah,

it's the Miss Lee wanted to get you.

Well, I'd rather try a ten -footer than
a two -footer any day in the week. It's

all right.

Don't blame me. See what I mean? Women
in one room, men in the other.

Well... You mean, well, why does it have
to be that way? Why aren't we all in

here talking together?

Give me one good reason.

We're married.

Does that mean that we have to go to
parties and separate like the sheep from

the goats?

Well, we like talking about babies and
clothes and recipes, and they like to

talk about sports and politics.

We're interested in different things.

Sure, just because we're married to men
doesn't mean we've got anything in

common.

Don't you think this situation is
disgraceful?

Oh, I don't know.

I've been going to parties ever since I
was married. It's always like this.

Sure, I thought this was the way it was
supposed to be.

Well, I don't like it. Are we going to
continue to be sheep?

Well... Bah!

Well, I'm not. I want my husband to pay
attention to me.

So do I.

Okay. Come on.

Well, frankly, I think it's going to be
a good thing for television.

Ricky, Bill! Fred!

Yes? Come on in here with us. Yeah. Come
on. Okay. Sure, sure.

How do you think color would take?

Color?

Well, there are two schools of thought
on that matter. Some people think that,

well, it's just around the corner.

Others feel it's going to be a year or
two.

We didn't exactly stampede the goats,
did we?

we better go down to Abercrombie and
Fitch and see if they sell goat mating

calls.

You know, this is pretty insulting.

Yeah. I think so, too.

I'm going to do something about this.
Yeah. Okay.

Come on. No, I read an article by Harry
Ackerman the other day. He was talking

about the call. It was going to be a
lesson. Break it up. What are you doing?

What are you doing?

We're talking about some little
business.

Ethel, what's eating you?

There. This is more like it. More like
what?

More like the way it should be.

I don't get it. Well, I'll explain it to
you. We don't want you in there. We

want you in here.

Why? Because we're married.

What are you trying to do? Rub it in?

I know. It's the same old complaint.

Lucy gets upset every time the men go
into another room and talk to each

Yes. All right. We won't go into another
room and talk to each other anymore,

dear. Well, that's better.

We can talk to each other in here.

Now, that's not funny.

Husbands and wives should certainly find
something to talk to each other about.

Why?

Come on, now. Shall we give it the old
school try?

Okay.

I

saw

Tom Williams today.

Tom Williams? Williams? Good old Tom.
How is he?

Fine. That's good.

Glad to hear it. Yeah, it's nice to know
that good old Tom's feeling well.

Yes, sir.

I asked him to come here tonight with
his date. Oh, who's he going with now?

some model. He has a different date
every week. That's for sure.

You think he'll marry her? No.

You know, the last time I saw Tom was
Madison Square Garden. I think it was

night that Charles walked Elaine.

Walked Elaine.

Only it wasn't the Charles Atlanta, it
was Charles Walcott. Oh, you're right.

That was a great fight. That's the
second Charles Walcott fight you've

about. It was the worst fight I've ever
seen in my life.

I tell you one guy that could have
beaten

both Charles and Elena, and that's
Lewis.

Oh, wait, if you want to go back, I'll
tell you a guy who could have taken

Lewis, that's Dempsey.

Oh, if you really want to go back. No
kidding.

I'll throw in a guy that could have
taken both of them at the same time.

that? Bob Fitzsimmons. Oh, are you
kidding me?

Oh, what do you mean, am I kidding?

Yeah. That's the trouble with you young
punks. You've never seen a real fighter.

Oh, no. Well, we'll see this when he's
bringing it out, and then you'll find

him. Oh, yeah.

You know.

Wait a minute. Hold it. What's the
matter?

How does it feel to be a sheep again?

Look around you. Didn't take long for
our party to get back to normal, did it?

Let's face it, Lucy, we're never going
to get them out of the kitchen.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Well... Oh, that must be Tom.

Oh,

Tom, I'm so glad we could talk to you.
Hi, Lucy. How are you? Nice to see you.

Hi, Ethel. Hi, Lou Anne.

Sorry we're late, but Eve had to do a
fashion show. Oh, that's quite all

Oh, Eve Whitney, this is Lucy Ricardo.

How do you do?

Oh, how do you do, dear? This is Mrs.
Mertz. Hello. How do you do? Mrs. Hall.

Hi. How do you do?

This is Ethel, Luanne, and Eve.

May I have your wrap?

Oh, my, that certainly is beautiful.

Thank you very much.

Now, where are the fellas?

Oh, they're out in the kitchen, as
usual. You couldn't pry them out of

with a crowbar.

Come on in, Eve. I'll introduce you.

That guy and his prank could have beat
any one of those guys.

Hi, fellas.

Oh, hello, Tom. Hi.

You meet Eve Whitney.

This is Ricky Ricardo.

How do you do?

How do you do? And Fred Mertz. How do
you do?

How do you do? Bill Hall.

How do you do? How do you do?

Well, I won't bother you, gentlemen.

I'll join the girls.

for her, she got him out of the kitchen.

Yes, apparently all the old goats needed
was a young kid.

Hi.

Good morning.

What's good about it?

You're right, bad morning.

Honestly, every time I think about last
night, I get mad all...

Me too. I haven't been such a wallflower
since I was a foot taller than all the

boys in dancing school.

Did you notice the way Ricky acted?

He wasn't any worse than the rest of
them. Oh, yes, he was. He has a special

line. Did you ever notice, Ethel, that
whenever he's around a good -looking

girl, he becomes more Cuban?

I couldn't understand a word he was
saying.

It sounded like he had a mouth full of
frijoles.

Did you get a load of Fred Mertz?

I thought I'd die when he suggested
playing post office.

Well, it was certainly a grim little
evening.

Oh, well, there's no use brooding about
it when you're married. that's the way

things are. What do you mean that's the
way things are? That's what we thought

last night. And then Eve Whitney walked
in and suddenly that's the way things

weren't. So?

So maybe it isn't our husband's fault.
Maybe it's our fault.

Maybe we've been married so long we've
been letting ourselves go.

Why do you mean by that?

What's Eve Whitney got that we haven't
got?

Nothing. We've got just as much as she's
got, only lots more.

more is in all the wrong places.

Ethel, what would you say if I told you
you could be just as attractive as Eve

Whitney?

I'd say you snapped your twig.

Listen, Eve Whitney didn't always look
like that. How do you know? You never

her before last night. Because I heard
her talking to Bill Hall when he

her and insisted on hearing the story of
her life.

How about that? Wasn't that nauseating?

told Bill Hall that she went to a charm
school and it did wonders for her.

A charm school? Yes, and this is the one
she went to. The very same one.

Phoebe Emerson Charm School. What is
your CQ? That means charm quotient.

Come in and let us give you a free
analysis.

You and I are going down there, Ethel.

We are?

Oh, I don't think we're going down
there. Well, honey, we can't go wrong

free analysis.

That's right.

You think they could make a glamour girl
out of me?

Sure. Says right here, we work miracles.

Well, thanks.

Oh, I meant on both of us. Come on,
let's make an appointment.

Anybody here?

Gee, isn't this a beautiful place?

Lucy, I'm nervous.

Well, so am I, dear, but just try to act
poised and sophisticated.

Okay. Look at this.

Oh, boy. Oh, look, aren't these
beautiful?

Hegemony. Oh, she's really... Good
afternoon.

Oh, hello.

Aren't they lovely? They're some of our
graduates.

Oh, really?

They're very beautiful.

I'm delighted to see you. I'm Miss
Emerson. Oh, how do you do?

I'm Mrs... This is Mrs.

Mertz. And I'm Mrs... Mrs. Ricardo. Mrs.
Ricardo.

How do you do? How do you do? I suppose
you're here for the Emerson checkup.

Well, is that the free analysis?

Yes, it's free. Yes, that's the one. We
grade you in four points. And a hundred

is perfect.

Uh -huh. And now if you'll step this
way.

All right.

Look.

Lovely piece of furniture.

Yes, isn't it? Now the first point is
the hair.

Will you please take off your hats?

Oh, dear, it must be awfully windy
outside.

Here's a mirror. Why don't you fix it
the way it's supposed to be?

Is

that the way

it's supposed to be?

Yes, ma 'am.

Oh.

Now for skin and makeup.

Your skin's not bad.

Not bad at all.

Thank you.

You're very well preserved.

And your makeup is adequate.

Do you

always use

that color powder?

Oh, I don't mean it the way it sounds,
of course. It's just that here we strive

for a fresh, natural look. And that
powder gives you a weird, very unnatural

look. You know what I mean, of course.

I'm not wearing powder.

Oh.

Well, now for our posture.

item is the voice.

Would you please speak, Mrs. Mertz?

What shall I say?

Oh, anything at all. Just give me your
name and address.

I am Mrs. Ethel Mertz.

One, two, three, four, testing.

Well, now we'll total these up and see
what our scores are.

Out of a possible 100 points, you got
32, and you got 30.

You know, I feel sure our course could
make 100 percenters out of both of you.

Really? Yes. It's unbelievable what we
can accomplish.

When would you like to start? Oh, right
away. With scores like ours, there's not

a moment to lose.

Well,

then, come with me.

All right, ladies, are you ready?

Now, the first thing we're going to take
up is the matter of relaxing.

Tension is our greatest enemy today.

A charming woman is a relaxed woman.

Now, a little beauty secret is to take a
few minutes every day and just relax.

Relax completely.

Let yourself go absolutely limp.

Now, try it.

A little more.

A little more, more, more, more, more.

No, Mrs. Ricardo, not that limp.

Like this.

This is just a little trick for those
days when you have to be on your feet

day.

Now you try.

That's right.

Now we'll work on our walk. Let me see
you walk.

Up, up, up, Mrs. Ricardo, in an upright
position.

Oh.

You go over there, Mrs. Ness. Okay.

And now I'll show you how to walk.

You know one doesn't lump along like a
sack of meal.

Watch me.

One glides.

Let the hips.

carry the body.

The hips go first and the body follows
after.

Now you try, Mrs. Ricardo.

and wait for her over here.

Uh -oh. They must be cooking something
together.

Lucy won't let us in our bedroom either.

She has to wait out here for a pleasant
surprise.

Uh -oh.

Now, what do you think this pleasant
surprise could be?

Maybe they're leaving us.

No, no.

Well, Ethel's been acting strange all
week.

So has Lucy.

How can you tell?

That's a very good question.

Thank you, Ricky.

Yes.

Can I have a light, please?

Thanks awfully, darling.

Lucy. Lucy?

Yes, darling?

It is Lucy.

Well, what do you know?

Oh, that must be my dear friend, Ethel.

Please, Fred, I'll open the door.

Open it?

I was going to lock it.

Oh, my dear fellow, you have such a
refreshing wit.

Look divine, darling.

Oh, Ethel, what is all this?

Lucy, explain.

Explain, darling.

Well, you ignored us, though. We knew
you weren't happy with us the way we

So we took an extensive course at Miss
Emerson's charm school.

Oh, so that's it, huh?

Yes, that's it, darling.

Would you care to take two charming
strangers out to dinner?

Out to dinner?

Yes, that's a great idea, Fred.

We can't waste all this charm. I'm here
at home. Oh, thank you, darling. That's

very, very sweet of you.

Tell me, dear, would you care to go to
see Mrs. Trumbull and show her our gown?

Well, just a minute. We can take out two
such gorgeous ladies dressed like this.

Oh, of course, darling.

Well, that's very sweet of you. You go
and change.

Come, dear. We'll show Mrs.

Trumbull. Yes.

Let's let her get a load of us.

to say trick or treat.

Then you open your big mouth and say
something about taking them to dinner.

a minute, Fred. Don't get upset.

I've got a plan.

She really did seem to be impressed,
didn't she? Oh, they're not here. Oh.

Well, we might as well sit down and
wait. Okay.

Well, we'll stand and wait.

Ricky,

darling, do hurry, dear. We're very
hungry.

Just a minute.

Isn't that cute? He wants to look so
good.

Fred never took so long to dress.

He must be taking a bath.

I'm taking you out to dinner.

Rest like that?

What's wrong with this?

This is the latest dinner the little
gentleman's finishing school.

We thought you'd like us looking like
this. We've been working like dogs,

to charm school and exercising and
wearing mud packs and plucking our

and wearing chin straps. All right, all
right. We know what you had to go

through, but this is not for you.

This is not your style. This is phony.

I thought you'd pay attention to me if I
was well -groomed and charming and

attractive. I don't want you well
-groomed, charming, and attractive.

I mean, I like you the way you were.

Yeah, Ethel, I even like you the way you
were.

Really? Yeah. Now, come on, girls. Let's
go back the way we were, eh?

You promise to stick close to us at
parties?

Like glue.

Well, okay.

Back the way we were?

All right. Okay, back the way we were.

Four natural lovable slides.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back
next week at this same time.

This is the CBS Television Network.