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1
00:00:33,860 --> 00:00:35,640
How about you, dear? No, no, I've got
enough.
2
00:00:35,980 --> 00:00:37,400
Can I have another piece of cake, Fred?
3
00:00:37,820 --> 00:00:38,820
Nope.
4
00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:40,080
Ricky? Uh -uh.
5
00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:43,920
Oh, gee, this is the first time I've had
to relax all day.
6
00:00:44,700 --> 00:00:45,740
What do we do tonight?
7
00:00:46,260 --> 00:00:47,900
Oh, I don't know. What's on television?
8
00:00:48,500 --> 00:00:49,439
Fight night!
9
00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:51,440
Oh, no, you don't. Just sit down.
10
00:00:51,700 --> 00:00:52,980
No. Sit down.
11
00:00:53,620 --> 00:00:56,620
I've looked at so many fights on
television, I've got cauliflower eyes.
12
00:00:58,520 --> 00:01:01,960
Come on, now. We're four grown people.
Let's entertain ourselves.
13
00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:03,880
Okay.
14
00:01:05,740 --> 00:01:06,740
Oh,
15
00:01:10,820 --> 00:01:17,540
come now. Surely we can think of
something
16
00:01:17,540 --> 00:01:18,560
to entertain ourselves.
17
00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:29,320
How about playing some cards?
18
00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:30,560
No, we can't.
19
00:01:30,910 --> 00:01:32,070
Ricky ate the queen of spades.
20
00:01:33,150 --> 00:01:35,930
Besides, I'd like to think of something
a little more intellectual.
21
00:01:37,230 --> 00:01:38,930
I know we'll take a quiz.
22
00:01:39,390 --> 00:01:40,390
A quiz?
23
00:01:40,570 --> 00:01:42,270
Yeah, it's all about husbands and wives.
24
00:01:42,490 --> 00:01:43,490
Oh, no.
25
00:01:43,970 --> 00:01:45,470
You know what those are, Fred.
26
00:01:45,770 --> 00:01:49,610
How to rate your marriage or is your
spouse a louse?
27
00:01:51,610 --> 00:01:53,030
Don't laugh at him, Ethel.
28
00:01:53,750 --> 00:01:57,710
Now, here it is. It's called... Well, it
doesn't matter what it's called.
29
00:01:57,930 --> 00:02:00,410
Now, I'll keep score. Just a minute. Let
us...
30
00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:01,900
on it. What is it called?
31
00:02:03,260 --> 00:02:05,720
How to rate your marriage or is your
spouse allowed?
32
00:02:09,979 --> 00:02:11,740
You read it, you love it.
33
00:02:12,220 --> 00:02:14,760
No, I saw it, but I didn't read it. Go
ahead.
34
00:02:15,980 --> 00:02:19,700
Oh, let's see. Now, I'll keep score, and
at the end, we'll add them all up and
35
00:02:19,700 --> 00:02:22,220
see if each of us is married to our
perfect mate.
36
00:02:22,460 --> 00:02:23,920
For this, I need a quiz.
37
00:02:45,260 --> 00:02:46,960
Yes, for the king of the bellyacres.
38
00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:53,540
And yes for Ricky and yes for Lucy.
39
00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:55,680
Now, wait a minute. Don't put down yes
for me.
40
00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:58,160
You have no idea of all the problems I
have.
41
00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:00,420
I don't tell you my troubles.
42
00:03:00,900 --> 00:03:04,440
Oh, I'm sorry, dear. I thought all those
troubles you brought home were yours.
43
00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:07,120
No for Ricky.
44
00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:08,780
Now, next question.
45
00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:12,780
Do you tell your husband or wife how
much you pay for your clothes?
46
00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:14,480
Ethel?
47
00:03:19,210 --> 00:03:21,270
It's been so long since I bought any, I
forgot.
48
00:03:22,730 --> 00:03:23,770
Put it on your head.
49
00:03:24,190 --> 00:03:25,750
Fred? Yeah?
50
00:03:27,070 --> 00:03:28,610
Ricky? Of course.
51
00:03:29,550 --> 00:03:32,430
Now, next question. Have you told your
husband... Wait a minute.
52
00:03:34,150 --> 00:03:39,650
What's the matter? The quiz mistress
neglected to ask herself the last
53
00:03:40,270 --> 00:03:41,270
Oh, I did?
54
00:03:41,310 --> 00:03:46,610
Yeah. The question was, do you tell your
husband how much you pay for your
55
00:03:46,610 --> 00:03:48,570
clothes? That's right. Now, the next
question...
56
00:03:50,990 --> 00:03:51,990
no for Lucy.
57
00:03:52,070 --> 00:03:52,989
Uh -huh.
58
00:03:52,990 --> 00:03:54,150
Now, the next question.
59
00:03:54,790 --> 00:03:58,830
Have you told your husband or wife all
about your past romances?
60
00:03:59,590 --> 00:04:01,770
Well, if I told Fred... Me?
61
00:04:02,250 --> 00:04:03,670
It's Ethel's turn first.
62
00:04:03,950 --> 00:04:07,110
Yeah, well, I thought I'd break the
monotony by asking you first. Besides, I
63
00:04:07,110 --> 00:04:08,390
can't wait to hear your answers.
64
00:04:08,730 --> 00:04:11,290
Have you told me all about your past
romances?
65
00:04:12,810 --> 00:04:14,650
Well, now, let me see.
66
00:04:24,940 --> 00:04:25,940
Well... Hey.
67
00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:30,480
Hey.
68
00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:33,260
Hey, yeah, I told you where to sign up.
69
00:04:35,420 --> 00:04:36,540
Yes, for Ricky.
70
00:04:37,420 --> 00:04:40,880
Well, if I told... Now, for me, let's
see. If I told you all about my old
71
00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:43,320
romances, I told you about going with
the...
72
00:04:43,530 --> 00:04:46,570
captain of the football team, didn't I?
Yes, a hundred times.
73
00:04:47,270 --> 00:04:50,150
And there was that lifeguard who was so
crazy about me.
74
00:04:50,410 --> 00:04:52,690
Yes, you bare your soul to me about him,
too.
75
00:04:53,050 --> 00:04:56,950
Well, besides those, there were just a
few big flaming romances that I've had.
76
00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:58,230
Let's see.
77
00:04:58,290 --> 00:05:05,090
Billy, Maury, Jeff, Jerry, Bob and
Bennett and
78
00:05:05,090 --> 00:05:11,330
George and Phil, Martin and Danny,
Argyle and Bud.
79
00:05:12,300 --> 00:05:17,660
And Wilbur and Noble and Carl, Frank and
Henry. That was in high school.
80
00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:22,980
Then in junior college, there was Johnny
and Kay. Okay, okay, okay.
81
00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:27,060
Well, I was only trying to be honest and
make sure I told you about everybody,
82
00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:28,360
dear. I sense that.
83
00:05:28,660 --> 00:05:31,240
Well, now I can put down yes with a very
clear conscience.
84
00:05:32,940 --> 00:05:39,740
Now, Ethel, well, if I told Fred all
about my... Have I ever told you
85
00:05:39,740 --> 00:05:41,160
about Carlota Romero?
86
00:05:43,099 --> 00:05:44,300
Who? Carlota Romero.
87
00:05:45,060 --> 00:05:46,060
No, who's she?
88
00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:47,520
Oh, I didn't tell you about her, did I?
89
00:05:47,900 --> 00:05:48,900
No.
90
00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:51,300
Just a girl I used to go with in Cuba.
91
00:05:52,140 --> 00:05:53,140
Oh.
92
00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:57,500
No, and now I told you, I can keep my
yes answer and be honest about it.
93
00:05:58,560 --> 00:05:59,560
Yeah.
94
00:06:01,300 --> 00:06:04,160
Ethel? What? Why haven't you told me
about her before?
95
00:06:05,880 --> 00:06:09,340
Oh, I don't know. No particular reason.
It just slipped my mind.
96
00:06:11,660 --> 00:06:12,960
Was it a big romance?
97
00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:18,220
Well, you know, just one of those
things.
98
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:22,240
Just one of those things.
99
00:06:25,340 --> 00:06:27,240
Well, come on, Ethel. What are you
waiting for?
100
00:06:27,820 --> 00:06:29,280
I've forgotten the question.
101
00:06:30,860 --> 00:06:35,160
The question is, have you told your
husband or just one of those what
102
00:06:40,110 --> 00:06:43,510
on to this quiz, it's very obvious that
one of us has so many secrets from his
103
00:06:43,510 --> 00:06:46,730
mate he couldn't possibly be happily
married. I am, too.
104
00:06:47,310 --> 00:06:48,310
Well, I'm not.
105
00:06:49,750 --> 00:06:51,530
Oh, honey, you're getting upset over
nothing.
106
00:06:52,170 --> 00:06:54,590
If it was nothing, why didn't you tell
me about it before?
107
00:06:54,950 --> 00:06:59,710
Well, because there is no Carlotta
Romero. I just made it up. Ha!
108
00:07:00,270 --> 00:07:04,230
Would you join me in your apartment,
Ethel? Oh, honey, you're being silly.
109
00:07:04,230 --> 00:07:08,010
not speaking to you. Oh, now, Lucy, he's
trying to get even because you
110
00:07:08,010 --> 00:07:09,010
mentioned all those...
111
00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:16,580
I think you'd have been better off
telling her about that dame.
112
00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:22,120
I did. I told her the truth. I told her
I made it up. There's no Carlota Romero.
113
00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:24,580
Well, Lucy doesn't believe you, so what
are you going to do about her?
114
00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:28,380
Oh, gee, I don't know. I didn't expect
you to get that mad. I was just teasing
115
00:07:28,380 --> 00:07:32,600
her. You know, we've been married for 12
years, and I still can't figure her
116
00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:35,240
out. I bet sometimes you wish you'd have
made her up.
117
00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:37,760
Well, sit here, Robert.
118
00:07:38,140 --> 00:07:42,540
Yeah, I'm going to look after her. Come
on, let's look at the fight. Okay, we're
119
00:07:42,540 --> 00:07:43,540
starting the main event.
120
00:07:45,610 --> 00:07:48,150
Here we go, honey. Eat a great big
breakfast.
121
00:07:48,350 --> 00:07:50,330
Oh, come on. Eat a great big breakfast.
122
00:07:50,790 --> 00:07:53,590
Oh, come on, honey. Come on.
123
00:07:54,250 --> 00:07:55,250
Come on.
124
00:07:55,490 --> 00:07:56,490
What's the matter, boy?
125
00:07:56,870 --> 00:07:57,870
Hi.
126
00:08:01,690 --> 00:08:02,690
Hello,
127
00:08:03,030 --> 00:08:06,370
son. What's the matter? What are you
crying about? Don't answer him, Ricky.
128
00:08:07,050 --> 00:08:10,110
I don't want you associating with a man
of his reputation.
129
00:08:10,470 --> 00:08:12,710
Now listen, honey.
130
00:08:12,930 --> 00:08:17,040
In fact, neither... I'm going to talk to
him until he explains his lurid past.
131
00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:24,220
Hi, Rick. Hi, Fred.
132
00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:27,540
Boy, you're the sly one.
133
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:28,840
What are you talking about?
134
00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:31,120
You know what I'm talking about. I just
saw the morning paper.
135
00:08:31,500 --> 00:08:34,559
Look, I got enough troubles without
playing games. What's up?
136
00:08:35,220 --> 00:08:39,080
You remember that gal you made up,
Carlotta Romero?
137
00:08:39,539 --> 00:08:43,260
Yeah. Well, you did a pretty good job.
She's appearing in town this week.
138
00:08:43,559 --> 00:08:44,740
What? What?
139
00:08:46,140 --> 00:08:47,960
Right here in the paper. Look at that.
140
00:08:49,780 --> 00:08:55,460
Carlota Romero, Cuban singing star,
opened her first American English at the
141
00:08:55,460 --> 00:08:56,620
Opal Room. Oh, no.
142
00:08:57,220 --> 00:08:58,220
I'm bad.
143
00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:03,940
I'll set this for you. When you make
them up, you don't do badly.
144
00:09:06,240 --> 00:09:11,720
You know, I must... seen her name in
Variety or Billboard and it got stuck in
145
00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:14,860
mind. Yeah, well, when Lucy sees that
picture, she'll knock it loose.
146
00:09:17,420 --> 00:09:22,360
Now, look, Fred, take this paper home
with you, huh? I've already got a copy.
147
00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:25,160
know you got a copy, but take it home
with you. I don't want Lucy to see it.
148
00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:28,980
still trying to convince her that I made
it up. Oh, well, all right.
149
00:09:29,300 --> 00:09:30,300
Oh,
150
00:09:31,460 --> 00:09:33,460
what a tangled web we weave.
151
00:09:35,380 --> 00:09:37,240
Huh? That's an old saying.
152
00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:42,360
Oh, what a tangled web we weave when
first we practice to deceive.
153
00:09:43,300 --> 00:09:44,460
What does that mean?
154
00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:50,020
Well, it means that... Well, I'll have
it translated in Spanish and bring it
155
00:09:50,020 --> 00:09:51,020
back to you.
156
00:10:10,700 --> 00:10:14,220
of Ricky a bad time for a while, but I
believe him when he said he made up that
157
00:10:14,220 --> 00:10:15,620
Carlotta Romero business.
158
00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:18,040
Well, how did he explain this morning's
paper?
159
00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:19,860
Why, what about it?
160
00:10:20,900 --> 00:10:21,900
Uh -oh.
161
00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:26,360
What about it? Um, nothing, nothing.
Come on, Ethel, what's in the paper you
162
00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:27,360
don't want me to see?
163
00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:32,160
Uh, well, I didn't want to be the one to
tell you, but... But what?
164
00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:34,740
Daddy Warbucks has left Little Orphan
Annie.
165
00:10:36,300 --> 00:10:39,660
Oh, Ethel, let me see that paper. It's
on the back page.
166
00:10:57,270 --> 00:11:00,890
It says in the paper she's never been in
America, so Ricky couldn't have seen
167
00:11:00,890 --> 00:11:03,230
her for 15 years. Well, she's here now.
168
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:07,190
I'll bet they're planning to stir up
those old embers again.
169
00:11:08,870 --> 00:11:12,950
It'd be kind of hard to stir embers into
a flame after 15 years.
170
00:11:27,470 --> 00:11:28,470
nothing to worry about.
171
00:11:28,630 --> 00:11:30,830
She couldn't take Ricky away from you.
172
00:11:31,050 --> 00:11:33,350
Why, you're twice as pretty as she is.
173
00:11:34,070 --> 00:11:35,490
You really think so?
174
00:11:35,750 --> 00:11:38,550
Certainly. And you got twice as good a
figure.
175
00:11:39,450 --> 00:11:40,810
Yeah? Mm -hmm.
176
00:11:41,390 --> 00:11:47,410
Oh, I wish I could stand and carry
myself the way you do. It's absolutely
177
00:11:58,550 --> 00:12:00,310
Oh, thank you, Ethel.
178
00:12:01,310 --> 00:12:04,870
Well, I guess I don't have anything to
worry about.
179
00:13:45,290 --> 00:13:46,290
Thank you.
180
00:14:28,330 --> 00:14:29,330
Thank you.
181
00:19:24,490 --> 00:19:28,910
Sex is a crazy thing I've heard my whole
life. I'm not so sure. She's right here
182
00:19:28,910 --> 00:19:30,510
in town as if you didn't know.
183
00:19:30,790 --> 00:19:35,790
Now, listen to me. I made that name up.
Or at least I thought I made the name
184
00:19:35,790 --> 00:19:39,350
up. I must have read it someplace or
something without noticing.
185
00:19:39,650 --> 00:19:44,410
Because this morning when Fred came over
and here was this girl's picture in the
186
00:19:44,410 --> 00:19:49,370
paper and here I didn't even know this
girl and here I made the same name up.
187
00:19:49,730 --> 00:19:51,010
Isn't that a funny coincidence?
188
00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:11,280
Believe me, why don't you call her up
and ask her?
189
00:20:11,900 --> 00:20:13,880
I'll just do that.
190
00:20:46,030 --> 00:20:47,030
did you ask her over here for?
191
00:20:47,170 --> 00:20:50,570
Because I wanted to see you two
together. Jerry called her up and set
192
00:20:50,570 --> 00:20:51,570
thing up for me.
193
00:20:51,670 --> 00:20:58,430
Fine agent I got. And if you're going to
mumble, please have the
194
00:20:58,430 --> 00:20:59,890
decency to mumble in English.
195
00:21:02,370 --> 00:21:03,370
Here she is.
196
00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:19,320
and sit down. Hi, Rick. Hi, Ethel. Hi,
Rick. Hi, Fred.
197
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:20,960
Hi.
198
00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:24,340
Now, Fred, leave those alone. They're
for company.
199
00:21:24,700 --> 00:21:25,700
Well, what am I?
200
00:21:26,380 --> 00:21:27,380
Don't answer that.
201
00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:34,500
Hi. Oh, it's only Jerry.
202
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:36,000
Well.
203
00:21:36,260 --> 00:21:38,180
Everybody's got the same first name
these days.
204
00:21:38,540 --> 00:21:39,540
Thanks, Lucy.
205
00:21:39,620 --> 00:21:44,300
Hi, Ethel. Hi, Jerry. Hi, Jerry. Where's
Carlotta? Oh, she told me... the
206
00:21:44,300 --> 00:21:47,640
telephone, she had to go on an
interview, and she'd meet me up here.
207
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:51,180
sooner, the better. Oh, yeah, and Ricky,
she says she can hardly wait to see you
208
00:21:51,180 --> 00:21:52,180
again. That's nice.
209
00:21:53,180 --> 00:21:54,920
What? Uh -huh.
210
00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:56,660
Now, don't say this isn't true.
211
00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:58,080
Never mind.
212
00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:04,360
Now, Jerry, what are you talking about?
I never saw this girl before in my whole
213
00:22:04,360 --> 00:22:05,980
life. Well, sure you did.
214
00:22:06,340 --> 00:22:10,460
She told me on the phone she worked with
you in a nightclub in Havana, oh, about
215
00:22:10,460 --> 00:22:12,100
15 or 16 years ago.
216
00:22:12,510 --> 00:22:15,690
She was part of a singing act. They
called themselves the Five Romero
217
00:22:17,490 --> 00:22:19,950
Oh, for goodness sakes.
218
00:22:20,850 --> 00:22:21,850
Which one of them?
219
00:22:22,030 --> 00:22:23,350
Well, now, how should I know?
220
00:22:24,230 --> 00:22:28,110
Anyway, she was very surprised to hear
that you remembered her, see? And, oh,
221
00:22:28,150 --> 00:22:31,510
she said, be sure and don't expect her
to look exactly like she did in the
222
00:22:31,510 --> 00:22:34,410
picture in the paper because that was
taken about 17 years ago.
223
00:22:35,870 --> 00:22:36,890
There she is now.
224
00:22:58,120 --> 00:23:00,600
Mr. and Mrs. Merz? Oh, Carlotta.
225
00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:02,440
This is my agent, Jerry.
226
00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:04,040
Well,
227
00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:07,600
it's nice to see you. What have you been
doing since I last saw you?
228
00:23:07,940 --> 00:23:09,520
Putting on weight, mostly.
229
00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:13,000
Well, you look fine.
230
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:14,680
Was that Carlotta?
231
00:23:15,540 --> 00:23:17,180
Yes. Where is she?
232
00:23:17,580 --> 00:23:19,180
Oh, Lucy, I'd like to meet someone.
233
00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:20,440
Oh.
234
00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:22,820
This is Carlotta Romero. Oh, how do
you...
235
00:23:43,050 --> 00:23:47,390
Ricky would even remember me. Well, my
dear, he will never forget you.
236
00:23:47,650 --> 00:23:48,650
That's nice.
237
00:23:48,750 --> 00:23:54,390
I guess I look a little different than
you expected, don't I? Well, yes, yes. I
238
00:23:54,390 --> 00:23:56,390
didn't expect anyone so pretty and
charming.
239
00:24:56,590 --> 00:24:57,810
I'm not wearing a pillow.
240
00:24:59,370 --> 00:25:00,930
Come on, let's open all our presents.
241
00:25:01,170 --> 00:25:01,769
All right.
242
00:25:01,770 --> 00:25:04,610
No, no, let's sing first. Sing?
243
00:25:05,090 --> 00:25:09,690
Well, yeah, everything is so wonderful
and spending Christmas with our good
244
00:25:09,690 --> 00:25:12,530
friends. I just feel like serenading the
world.
245
00:25:12,730 --> 00:25:16,930
Okay. I know a wonderful Cuban melody.
It's called Cascabeles. Well, let's hear
246
00:25:16,930 --> 00:25:17,930
it. All right.
247
00:25:18,890 --> 00:25:21,830
Cascabeles, Cascabeles, cantan todo el
dia.
248
00:25:31,340 --> 00:25:33,440
You Americans steal all our good songs.
249
00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:01,740
Merry Christmas, everybody!
250
00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:06,200
I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.
251
00:28:06,740 --> 00:28:10,960
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back
next week at this same time.
252
00:28:13,360 --> 00:28:15,800
This is the CBS Television Network.
20301
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