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Oh, you characters.
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So anyhow, we went down to Miami and
asked the real estate man to show us our
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lot. He pointed out in the bay and he
said, you see that rowboat?
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It's anchored on your lot.
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We thought we were going to be
millionaires.
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Oh, here's Lucy.
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Well, it's about time. Let's go.
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Flo, I'm sorry, I'm not ready yet.
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Well, honey, Mrs.
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Stromboli's with little Ricky. Let's go.
Honey, it'll only be a minute. My nails
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aren't dry.
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But I'm hungry.
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Come on, now, sit down.
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00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:02,960
Tell another story, Fred.
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Oh, well, all right.
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00:01:06,220 --> 00:01:08,900
Rick, did I ever tell you what happened
to Ethel and me on our honeymoon?
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Not lately.
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Did I tell you, Lucy?
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Yes.
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I was there.
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Speaking of funny things that happen to
people, Lucy, you remember the
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musicians' picnic last Fourth of July?
Oh, what a day that was. What happened?
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Oh, well.
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I'll tell it there. Oh, okay.
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The musicians' local was having a
picnic, see?
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It was for charity. You know, you paid
so much money and half of it went for
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charity and half of it went for the
picnic. That's right.
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And all the boys in the band wanted to
go.
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So Marco and Alberto and Pepin and Joe
Jokel and Ralph, everybody was going
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there. So we left about 10 o 'clock. It
was 12 o 'clock.
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No, dear, it was 10 o 'clock. No, honey,
it was 12 o 'clock.
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Well, what's the difference?
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Two hours.
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00:02:04,510 --> 00:02:08,350
I'm into the story. It doesn't make any
difference. Yes, it does, dear. That's
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00:02:08,350 --> 00:02:11,450
the reason we were late. That's why...
Well, it's your story. Go ahead.
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Thank you.
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Well, we got to the picnic. Don't forget
about the cars. What was that?
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I said, don't forget about the cars,
dear.
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00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:20,640
Oh, the cars. Yeah, that's right.
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We took three cars.
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Lucy and I were in the first car.
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Pepin was in the second car. Marco was
in the last car. Oh, honey, you're
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ruining everything.
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Would you like to tell the story? No,
dear, you're the storyteller in the
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family, but I just want you to get it
right.
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Now, Pepin was in the first car, Marco
was in the second, and we were in the
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last. Maybe Pepin was in the first car,
and you were in the second, and Marco
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was in the last.
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only combination left.
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Okay, I take it all back.
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We all took the same bus.
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Coward.
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Anyway, we got to the picnic grounds
about two o 'clock.
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Don't look at me. I'm not going to say
anything more.
55
00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:10,860
Good. I'm not going to tell you what you
left out.
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00:03:17,290 --> 00:03:23,390
We got to the picnic grounds about...
What did I leave out?
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00:03:24,210 --> 00:03:25,810
Nothing. Go on with the story.
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00:03:27,150 --> 00:03:29,110
Well, it feels like there's something
missing there someplace.
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00:03:30,950 --> 00:03:31,950
You sure?
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00:03:31,990 --> 00:03:36,110
Positive. All right. Well, we spread the
food out, and it started to rain. Oh,
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it poured.
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So we took everything, and we ran to the
cars.
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And then when we got there... Yeah,
yeah, what happened?
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00:03:45,410 --> 00:03:46,410
What's the matter, Ricky?
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00:03:47,010 --> 00:03:48,150
What did I leave out?
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00:03:49,210 --> 00:03:52,850
Nothing. I was just kidding you. Now go
on. Well, I'm telling you, it feels like
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there's something missing there
someplace.
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00:03:54,330 --> 00:03:56,510
Oh, what's the difference? Go on and
finish it.
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00:03:58,030 --> 00:04:02,670
Well... Oh, the heck with it. It's not
funny anymore. Come on, let's go and
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00:04:02,670 --> 00:04:07,210
dinner. All right, my nails are dry now.
Let's go to that place on 45th Street.
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00:04:07,370 --> 00:04:10,490
Oh, I hear they have wonderful steaks.
Well, I don't particularly feel like a
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steak. Steak sounds wonderful. We'll go
there.
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00:04:12,650 --> 00:04:14,330
Now, wait just a minute, Lucy.
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00:04:14,930 --> 00:04:15,909
What's the matter?
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00:04:15,910 --> 00:04:17,660
Well, I... I just had about enough of
this.
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00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:22,420
First, you keep everybody waiting while
you're fixing your nails. Then you keep
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interrupting me while I'm telling the
story. And now you decide all by
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where we're going to eat dinner because
you want a steak.
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00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:32,200
Well, Ricky... Well, I don't feel like
eating steak tonight. I want to eat
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00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:33,200
spaghetti tonight.
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00:04:33,660 --> 00:04:35,920
Well, maybe... So are we going to eat
spaghetti?
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00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:38,080
Yes, sir.
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00:04:38,260 --> 00:04:40,900
And the next time that I tell a story,
you stay out of it.
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00:04:41,580 --> 00:04:42,499
Yes, sir.
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00:04:42,500 --> 00:04:45,120
And be on time from now on or we're
going to go without you.
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00:04:45,790 --> 00:04:46,790
Yes, sir.
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00:04:46,810 --> 00:04:49,790
We're going to run this house like we do
in Cuba, where the man is the master
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and the woman does what she's told.
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00:04:51,250 --> 00:04:52,250
Si, senor.
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00:04:54,630 --> 00:04:55,670
And don't get smart.
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00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:57,730
Now go get your coat.
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00:05:16,490 --> 00:05:17,490
I don't know what happened to you.
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00:05:17,590 --> 00:05:19,050
It just sunk in.
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00:05:19,470 --> 00:05:23,150
I don't know how you treat your women in
Cuba, but this is the United States,
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and I have my right.
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00:05:24,770 --> 00:05:27,610
I have not argument about women's right.
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I am the first one to agree that women
should have all the rights they want, as
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long as they stay in their place.
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Oh,
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you're just as bad as he is, Fred.
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00:05:37,410 --> 00:05:40,730
You men tell us that we have equal
rights, but you certainly don't give us
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00:05:40,730 --> 00:05:42,850
chance to act like it. What do you want?
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00:05:43,410 --> 00:05:44,450
You've got the vote?
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You wear pants.
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You drive buses.
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You rustle.
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You go every place you please except the
steam room in the YMCA.
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That isn't true. Equal rights means just
what it says.
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Equal rights.
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Well, that's a good explanation.
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00:06:02,700 --> 00:06:04,260
Oh, you know what she means.
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00:06:04,540 --> 00:06:07,980
Yes, and we want to be treated that way.
From now on, everything is equal. We
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want to be treated exactly as if we were
men.
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Well, this goes for a little conference.
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Pardon me, mister.
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Okay.
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From now on, you have equal rights.
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We will treat you exactly as if you were
men. Is it a deal?
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It's a deal.
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00:06:32,120 --> 00:06:33,120
What about you, Mac?
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It's a deal.
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I phoned him this morning. He's coming
up this afternoon. Ricky, that's my
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I know that's your coat, honey. This is
my coat. Over here.
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He'll be up this afternoon to check
everything in the house. Well, that's
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I can walk out all right.
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00:06:59,220 --> 00:07:05,420
Every time. Say, I was going to say,
when you came in the room, that suit is
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just beautiful.
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00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:11,700
Oh, I'm crazy about it. Thank you. One
of the prettiest ones I ever saw. Oh!
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00:07:14,479 --> 00:07:16,080
Pardon me, mister. My fault.
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00:07:17,700 --> 00:07:19,460
You know, this fellow looks familiar to
me.
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Reminds me of my father.
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could do is pull out my chair for me.
Never mind, Ethel. They're just being
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smart. Ignore them.
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Honey, what are you talking about? We're
just treating you as equals.
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00:08:02,660 --> 00:08:04,240
Yeah, isn't that what you wanted? Oh.
136
00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:07,760
May I take your order?
137
00:08:08,100 --> 00:08:13,560
Uh, yes. I think that I... I'd like some
meatballs, spaghetti, and, uh, some
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pizza.
139
00:08:15,980 --> 00:08:19,540
Now, what would you like? Bring me some
meatballs and spaghetti and pizza.
140
00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:23,220
No, no, green salad. Green salad, yes,
sir.
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00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:26,440
Now, what would you like?
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00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:28,980
And some coffee with my meal, please.
143
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Me, too.
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00:08:32,820 --> 00:08:34,179
Now, what would you have?
145
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Are you sure you're quite through?
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Just there. Go ahead and order. Don't
keep the man waiting.
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00:08:40,460 --> 00:08:45,140
Uh, I would like... Oh, dear. Now I
forgot what I wanted. You took so long
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ordering. Oh, yes. I'd like a steak
medium rare and spaghetti on the side.
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Certainly. And you? I'll take the same.
Well done.
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00:08:51,940 --> 00:08:53,100
Well done. Thank you.
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00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:56,560
I dropped my purse, dear. Can you see it
there?
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Yeah.
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Right there by my foot.
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Would you excuse us a minute? We'll be
right back.
155
00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:12,879
Where are you going?
156
00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:15,420
We're just going to the drugstore. We'll
be back before the food gets here.
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00:09:15,560 --> 00:09:16,560
Fred?
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00:09:24,910 --> 00:09:25,889
Now, wonderful.
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00:09:25,890 --> 00:09:27,430
We ought to come back here more often.
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00:09:27,630 --> 00:09:28,630
Yes, sir.
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00:09:40,050 --> 00:09:41,050
Cigarette?
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00:09:41,290 --> 00:09:42,290
Thank you.
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00:09:44,070 --> 00:09:45,390
Light? Thank you.
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00:09:47,070 --> 00:09:48,790
At least two of us are gentlemen.
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00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:03,660
Pretty bad. I guess we could stand a
repair job, too.
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00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:47,900
everything. All right, let's get the
check and get out of here.
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00:10:49,620 --> 00:10:50,620
Xavier.
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00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:57,140
Yes, sir. Something more for you? More
coffee? Dessert?
169
00:10:57,740 --> 00:10:58,740
Aftershave lotion?
170
00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:04,640
Just the check, please.
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00:11:06,340 --> 00:11:07,940
He has a sense of humor.
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00:11:08,560 --> 00:11:09,560
Pardon me.
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00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:13,880
Honestly, it's getting so you can expect
anything from these two goofs we're
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00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:16,560
married to. That's the first time Fred
shaved in a week.
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00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:18,460
You should have seen the look on your
faces.
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00:11:21,140 --> 00:11:22,780
That was a good meal.
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00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:24,220
It really was.
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00:11:24,780 --> 00:11:27,440
You two. You two characters.
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00:11:29,940 --> 00:11:30,940
What's this?
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00:11:31,640 --> 00:11:32,640
Separate checks.
181
00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:35,320
What do you mean, separate checks?
182
00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:37,240
Equal rights, dear.
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00:11:39,150 --> 00:11:40,150
going to pay for my dinner?
184
00:11:40,350 --> 00:11:41,530
And take away your independence?
185
00:11:41,790 --> 00:11:42,790
Never.
186
00:11:44,790 --> 00:11:48,590
All right, that's all. We can go along
with the game. I'll say, if you want to
187
00:11:48,590 --> 00:11:49,590
play it that way, okay.
188
00:11:50,110 --> 00:11:53,570
Say, Lucy, have you got... What'd you
say?
189
00:11:53,950 --> 00:11:54,950
Do you have any money?
190
00:11:55,310 --> 00:11:57,990
I haven't got a cent. I was going to put
the bite on you.
191
00:11:58,210 --> 00:11:59,890
You took the bite right out of my mouth.
192
00:12:00,730 --> 00:12:03,430
This is a little embarrassing, Rick. I
didn't know we came to dinner with a
193
00:12:03,430 --> 00:12:04,430
couple of deadbeats.
194
00:12:07,630 --> 00:12:10,050
Looks like. See you along. See you
around, fellas.
195
00:12:10,710 --> 00:12:12,810
Oh, wait a minute. That's going. Come
here.
196
00:12:13,190 --> 00:12:16,190
Oh, Fred, now wait a minute. That's
carrying a little too far.
197
00:12:16,870 --> 00:12:17,870
Ricky. Ricky.
198
00:12:18,090 --> 00:12:21,810
What are you trying to do? Skip out
without paying?
199
00:12:22,670 --> 00:12:26,710
Well, our husbands were playing a little
joke on us. They said that we were
200
00:12:26,710 --> 00:12:28,450
going to have to pay for our dinner.
Yes.
201
00:12:29,090 --> 00:12:30,850
We don't have any money with us.
202
00:12:31,590 --> 00:12:32,590
Isn't that funny?
203
00:12:36,230 --> 00:12:39,130
Well, we'll go home and come right back
with the money. We'll bring it right
204
00:12:39,130 --> 00:12:40,130
back to you.
205
00:12:41,310 --> 00:12:43,590
Well, what do you want us to do?
206
00:12:45,350 --> 00:12:47,050
You know what this is?
207
00:12:47,510 --> 00:12:48,509
The dish.
208
00:12:48,510 --> 00:12:50,970
Right. And we have lots more in the
kitchen.
209
00:12:51,750 --> 00:12:54,070
People have been eating off them. They
get so dirty.
210
00:12:55,110 --> 00:12:56,150
Just a minute.
211
00:12:56,710 --> 00:12:58,370
We're not washing any dishes.
212
00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:04,980
We're not washing any dishes, are we?
213
00:13:27,780 --> 00:13:33,340
Uh -huh. When I look heavier, don't tell
him that I... Call, see, but as soon as
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00:13:33,340 --> 00:13:36,500
they finish washing the dishes, you call
me and we'll come down and pick them
215
00:13:36,500 --> 00:13:37,500
up.
216
00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:38,520
Okay.
217
00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:48,020
Everybody's gone and they're still
working their heads up down there.
218
00:13:58,120 --> 00:13:59,120
Oh, girls.
219
00:13:59,820 --> 00:14:03,140
If you don't mind, will you let me know
when you're finished? I'll be in my
220
00:14:03,140 --> 00:14:05,780
office. I'm waiting to lock up.
221
00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:15,780
He's waiting to lock up. Oh, we don't
mind. When we finish, we finish waiting
222
00:14:15,780 --> 00:14:16,780
lock up.
223
00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:19,140
He never locks up.
224
00:14:43,210 --> 00:14:44,310
works so hard in my life.
225
00:14:44,670 --> 00:14:45,670
Neither did I.
226
00:14:46,110 --> 00:14:48,090
I wonder where all these came from.
227
00:14:48,430 --> 00:14:51,190
I don't know. I think he takes in dirty
dishes from other restaurants.
228
00:14:54,370 --> 00:14:57,610
Every time I think of those boobs we're
married to, I just get furious.
229
00:14:57,990 --> 00:15:00,370
So do I. They make me so mad.
230
00:15:03,710 --> 00:15:06,310
Maybe this will teach you to keep your
big mouth shut.
231
00:15:08,830 --> 00:15:10,330
Me? What do you mean?
232
00:15:10,690 --> 00:15:13,340
Well, it was your idea about this. equal
rights business.
233
00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:17,520
Just a minute. You thought it was a good
idea then.
234
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:19,320
Well, it stinks now.
235
00:15:24,100 --> 00:15:27,080
Well, it's nice to know that you're the
kind of a person who turns on a friend
236
00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:27,979
in a crisis.
237
00:15:27,980 --> 00:15:31,160
Oh, listen, Lucy, I've been going
through this type of thing with you for
238
00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:33,240
years. This is my last...
239
00:16:01,610 --> 00:16:02,770
You mustn't cry anymore.
240
00:16:04,010 --> 00:16:06,130
You're right. I'm making the dishwater
cold.
241
00:16:11,210 --> 00:16:12,210
Oh, well.
242
00:16:12,810 --> 00:16:17,590
The main thing is to get these dishes
done so we can get home. Yeah.
243
00:16:19,010 --> 00:16:20,010
Wait a minute.
244
00:16:20,430 --> 00:16:22,310
We don't have any money to get home on.
245
00:16:23,190 --> 00:16:24,190
Oh, yeah.
246
00:16:24,810 --> 00:16:27,110
How do you like those husbands of ours?
247
00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:39,500
Yeah. And I wouldn't be surprised if a
thug jumped out from behind a dark
248
00:16:39,500 --> 00:16:45,040
building and pounced on us and said, And
you know where that'll leave us.
249
00:16:46,580 --> 00:16:47,580
Oh, no.
250
00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:53,600
Yeah, and maybe he'll conk us on the
head and he'll leave us broken and
251
00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:54,600
in an alley.
252
00:16:55,220 --> 00:16:57,200
And then Ricky and Fred will be sorry.
253
00:16:57,760 --> 00:16:58,900
They'll be sorry.
254
00:17:05,260 --> 00:17:06,839
I know how we can get even with him.
How?
255
00:17:08,500 --> 00:17:12,720
Well, I'll call Ricky, and I'll tell him
that the restaurant's being held up.
256
00:17:13,220 --> 00:17:17,140
And you yell, help, and make noises like
struggling in the background.
257
00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:21,119
Lucy, how do you think up all these
wonderful things?
258
00:17:23,900 --> 00:17:26,859
Promise me when you die, you leave your
brain to science.
259
00:17:28,820 --> 00:17:29,820
Okay.
260
00:17:37,350 --> 00:17:38,350
Coast is clear.
261
00:17:49,050 --> 00:17:51,270
Hello? Hello, Ricky, this is Lucy.
262
00:17:51,730 --> 00:17:52,730
It's Lucy.
263
00:17:52,810 --> 00:17:53,830
Where are you, honey?
264
00:17:54,070 --> 00:17:56,870
Oh, we're still at the restaurant. They
made us do the dishes.
265
00:17:58,090 --> 00:17:59,770
No. Yeah, but...
266
00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:16,000
What? What's going on?
267
00:18:16,300 --> 00:18:17,300
What's the matter?
268
00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:19,760
This is a stick -up. Don't move or
I'll...
269
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:41,880
This is just me.
270
00:20:27,850 --> 00:20:28,950
Half of our wits like that.
271
00:20:29,890 --> 00:20:32,010
Well, boy, they got even with us all
right.
272
00:20:32,950 --> 00:20:33,970
They'll never know it.
273
00:20:34,170 --> 00:20:36,010
I said, well, come on now, let's get out
of here.
274
00:20:37,510 --> 00:20:38,409
Now what?
275
00:20:38,410 --> 00:20:39,410
Wait a minute.
276
00:20:40,370 --> 00:20:42,970
This story about the bandits is too good
to pass it up.
277
00:20:43,170 --> 00:20:44,850
Yeah. You got a handkerchief?
278
00:20:45,590 --> 00:20:46,590
Yeah.
279
00:20:48,470 --> 00:20:49,470
Oh.
280
00:20:51,330 --> 00:20:52,950
Well, that's it.
281
00:20:55,170 --> 00:20:57,250
Just got to move those over there or
we're finished.
282
00:22:23,050 --> 00:22:24,650
We treat you just like you were men.
283
00:22:24,910 --> 00:22:28,030
So we came down here to this restaurant.
We said, give us separate checks to the
284
00:22:28,030 --> 00:22:29,970
head waiter. You know, I tell him the
whole story.
285
00:22:30,290 --> 00:22:33,050
So the head waiter comes and gives a
separate check. They don't have any
286
00:22:33,050 --> 00:22:33,689
to pay.
287
00:22:33,690 --> 00:22:36,510
I was in cahoots with the guy. So he
tells me, all right, you have to wash
288
00:22:36,510 --> 00:22:39,570
dishes. To teach him a story, we let him
go here and wash the dishes.
289
00:22:39,970 --> 00:22:43,450
Now they call the house and just to
scare us, they tell us there's a couple
290
00:22:43,450 --> 00:22:46,970
bandits down here with the guns and
they're holding us up. So he and I, we
291
00:22:46,970 --> 00:22:48,810
down here like a couple of jerks to save
them.
292
00:22:53,650 --> 00:22:57,150
We put the handkerchief, the hat, and
the stuff. We come in here with a gun.
293
00:22:57,510 --> 00:22:59,910
And, you know, just to scare them. And
that's all it was.
294
00:23:35,500 --> 00:23:36,500
sign the complaint.
295
00:23:36,660 --> 00:23:37,660
This way, ladies.
296
00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:52,960
Mean -looking, aren't they?
297
00:23:53,560 --> 00:23:54,560
Yeah.
298
00:23:55,540 --> 00:23:56,540
Lucy?
299
00:23:57,080 --> 00:23:58,900
Fresh, too. Called me by my first name.
300
00:24:00,220 --> 00:24:01,960
The young one isn't so bad -looking.
301
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:05,720
He has a certain amount of... animal
charm.
302
00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:09,960
I guess this old shriveled up one is his
father.
303
00:24:14,120 --> 00:24:17,820
They're no good, lady. Anybody can see
that. We'll all be better off if you
304
00:24:17,820 --> 00:24:19,160
the complaint and we put them away.
305
00:24:20,220 --> 00:24:21,220
Okay.
306
00:24:22,020 --> 00:24:23,020
Oh, wait a minute.
307
00:24:23,740 --> 00:24:27,540
Uh, you know, the more I look at him,
the cuter he gets. I wonder how he
308
00:24:28,260 --> 00:24:29,260
Kisses?
309
00:24:49,740 --> 00:24:50,760
your mouth and open the door.
310
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:31,900
Dick Reeves and Louie Nicoletti.
311
00:26:10,030 --> 00:26:12,270
I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.
312
00:26:12,770 --> 00:26:16,990
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back
next week at this same time.
313
00:26:18,770 --> 00:26:21,130
This is the CBS Television Network.
24651
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