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1
00:00:35,820 --> 00:00:38,180
How can two people manage to use so many
dishes?
2
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What are we doing tonight, Ricky?
3
00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:42,960
Nothing. You mean nothing.
4
00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:45,300
Let's call the mercies and play some
cards.
5
00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:48,320
I don't feel like seeing the mercies and
I don't want to play cards.
6
00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:50,640
What do you call what you're doing here?
7
00:00:51,660 --> 00:00:52,660
Tiddlywinks.
8
00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:56,480
Play your black tiddly on your red
winks.
9
00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:04,379
Look, this game is supposed to be played
by one person.
10
00:01:05,239 --> 00:01:06,760
Hence... The name Solitaire.
11
00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:09,380
Hence the name Solitaire.
12
00:01:09,980 --> 00:01:12,400
You don't want to see the Mercedes. You
don't want to play cards.
13
00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:14,660
I'll get you a gun. You can shoot
yourself.
14
00:01:16,260 --> 00:01:17,260
Thank you.
15
00:01:17,900 --> 00:01:19,180
What's the matter tonight, honey?
16
00:01:20,060 --> 00:01:21,280
Oh, I'm sorry, dear.
17
00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:24,620
I guess I can get discouraged about my
career.
18
00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:25,960
Your career? Why?
19
00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:28,920
Well, I don't seem to be getting any
place.
20
00:01:29,420 --> 00:01:30,920
I'm not exciting anymore.
21
00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:32,320
You are to me.
22
00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:34,240
I mean, I'm not news.
23
00:01:34,910 --> 00:01:39,010
Can't get my name in the paper. Nobody's
talking about me. Oh, they are, too. I
24
00:01:39,010 --> 00:01:41,550
hear people talking about you all the
time, all over the place.
25
00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:42,810
Yeah, name one.
26
00:01:43,650 --> 00:01:47,690
Well, just the other morning, the
milkman asked me how your cold was.
27
00:01:49,990 --> 00:01:50,990
That's what I mean.
28
00:01:51,850 --> 00:01:54,310
The milkman wants to know how my cold
is.
29
00:01:54,750 --> 00:01:55,750
Big deal.
30
00:01:56,870 --> 00:01:58,910
Well, what about your publicity agent?
31
00:01:59,470 --> 00:02:00,490
That's a good question.
32
00:02:00,990 --> 00:02:04,310
I should give that 50 bucks a week to
someone who can get my name in the
33
00:02:05,169 --> 00:02:06,550
Fifty bucks a week.
34
00:02:08,169 --> 00:02:12,570
Gee, would you give that job to anybody
who's bright and energetic and has
35
00:02:12,570 --> 00:02:14,110
wonderful ideas about publicity?
36
00:02:15,070 --> 00:02:16,750
Who? Well, would you?
37
00:02:17,050 --> 00:02:18,050
Who is it?
38
00:02:18,990 --> 00:02:21,470
If I don't get your name in the paper,
it won't cost you a cent.
39
00:02:22,750 --> 00:02:23,569
Oh, no.
40
00:02:23,570 --> 00:02:25,690
Oh, no, no, no, no. Please, please
don't.
41
00:02:25,970 --> 00:02:28,990
Now, now, Lucy, don't. Look, look, just
forget the whole thing, will you please?
42
00:02:29,190 --> 00:02:31,410
Now, just put publicity out of your mind
altogether.
43
00:02:31,830 --> 00:02:33,270
Oh, come now. Oh, my goodness.
44
00:02:34,140 --> 00:02:35,240
What a horrible thought.
45
00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:37,560
It isn't that bad.
46
00:02:38,460 --> 00:02:40,200
Look, you want to help me, really? Sure.
47
00:02:40,700 --> 00:02:43,180
All right. Just forget publicity
altogether.
48
00:02:43,720 --> 00:02:44,399
All right.
49
00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:46,640
Don't even tell people that you know me.
All right.
50
00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:48,940
Okay. All right.
51
00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:50,160
Good
52
00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:59,940
morning,
53
00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:00,960
Lucy. Hi.
54
00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:02,360
What are you doing?
55
00:03:02,620 --> 00:03:04,200
Figuring out the value of my jewelry.
56
00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:06,720
Insurance? No, publicity.
57
00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:10,300
Ricky's worried because he hasn't been
getting enough publicity, so I'm going
58
00:03:10,300 --> 00:03:10,839
help him.
59
00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:13,700
You know how those Hollywood stars get
their name in the paper when their
60
00:03:13,700 --> 00:03:14,499
are stolen.
61
00:03:14,500 --> 00:03:16,320
Hey, that's a wonderful idea.
62
00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:18,500
Yeah. I can see the headline now.
63
00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:25,200
So can I. Ricky Ricardo's wife robbed a
priceless jewel valued at... $43.
64
00:03:32,720 --> 00:03:34,500
Ricky win a title like Miss America.
65
00:03:36,380 --> 00:03:37,980
He doesn't have the right measurements.
66
00:03:38,900 --> 00:03:40,520
Oh, that's not what I meant.
67
00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:42,420
No, we need something like this. Look.
68
00:03:42,620 --> 00:03:46,880
The Shah of Persia has a standing order
for all of Benny Goodman's records.
69
00:03:47,220 --> 00:03:49,280
Well, you can do exactly the same thing.
70
00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:52,040
How? Have Ricky order all of Benny
Goodman's records.
71
00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:53,740
Oh, yes, oh.
72
00:03:53,980 --> 00:03:58,200
This item is good only because it
concerns royalty from a faraway country.
73
00:03:58,260 --> 00:03:59,320
That's what makes it exciting.
74
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:01,040
Oh.
75
00:04:01,710 --> 00:04:05,190
If we just knew a countess or a princess
who couldn't live without Babalu.
76
00:04:07,270 --> 00:04:08,970
You don't know any royalty, do you?
77
00:04:09,430 --> 00:04:11,330
My aunt was queen for a day once.
78
00:04:13,770 --> 00:04:16,190
Well, we'll just have to dream someone
up.
79
00:04:16,470 --> 00:04:17,470
Let's see now.
80
00:04:17,829 --> 00:04:22,170
We'll tell the papers that an exotic
princess is coming from a faraway
81
00:04:22,350 --> 00:04:27,270
traveling halfway around the world just
to hear Ricky Ricardo in person. Hey,
82
00:04:27,310 --> 00:04:28,310
that's sensational.
83
00:04:28,890 --> 00:04:30,530
Yeah, now what country will she be from?
84
00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:32,980
Well, it can't be too well known.
85
00:04:33,380 --> 00:04:34,380
No.
86
00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:35,780
I know, Franistan.
87
00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:40,440
Franistan? I never heard of it. Neither
did I.
88
00:04:41,580 --> 00:04:46,580
Princess Scheherazade, daughter of the
Maharaja of Franistan. Oh, she was the
89
00:04:46,580 --> 00:04:48,740
daughter of a Maharaja. They wouldn't
call her a princess.
90
00:04:49,140 --> 00:04:54,660
What would they call her? A Maharani.
Oh, no, asshole. That's a Maharaja's
91
00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:57,340
I guess she'd be a Maharinsis.
92
00:05:02,270 --> 00:05:04,890
Scheherazade. Maha Rinses of Franistan.
93
00:05:05,410 --> 00:05:06,410
Gee, that's wonderful.
94
00:05:06,630 --> 00:05:09,730
Yeah. Too bad she can't really come to
town.
95
00:05:10,470 --> 00:05:12,910
Yeah. Of course, that's impossible.
96
00:05:14,350 --> 00:05:15,350
Yeah?
97
00:05:17,190 --> 00:05:18,190
Lucy?
98
00:05:19,090 --> 00:05:20,890
Just call me Scheherazade.
99
00:05:21,550 --> 00:05:22,910
You wouldn't dare.
100
00:05:23,230 --> 00:05:24,490
I would, too. Will you help me?
101
00:05:24,930 --> 00:05:27,830
I'm yours to command my Maha Rinses.
102
00:05:28,270 --> 00:05:31,860
The papers will eat this. Come on, we
got a lot of work to do. Okay, now you
103
00:05:31,860 --> 00:05:33,760
look up the phone numbers of all the
newspapers in town.
104
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,300
All right. I got the number of the post
here.
105
00:05:37,100 --> 00:05:39,200
And we have to make a reservation at a
fancy hotel.
106
00:05:39,780 --> 00:05:41,240
How about staying at the Waldorf?
107
00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:44,180
Well... Hello?
108
00:05:44,540 --> 00:05:45,960
Hello, city editor, please.
109
00:05:46,640 --> 00:05:48,080
This is the overseas operator.
110
00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:51,520
Hello, editor?
111
00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:54,700
We have an overseas call from Franistan.
112
00:05:55,780 --> 00:05:58,000
It's a Maharani to person call.
113
00:07:29,610 --> 00:07:30,409
Did you see the paper?
114
00:07:30,410 --> 00:07:31,530
Yeah, I saw the paper.
115
00:07:31,890 --> 00:07:32,890
Congratulations, old boy.
116
00:07:33,110 --> 00:07:34,530
Look at the size of this type.
117
00:07:35,330 --> 00:07:38,170
Afghanistan royalty makes pilgrimages to
see Cuban idol.
118
00:07:38,410 --> 00:07:39,410
I know, I know.
119
00:07:39,690 --> 00:07:42,750
Maharaja's daughter claims Ricky Ricardo
is real gone.
120
00:07:43,010 --> 00:07:44,330
I read it, Fred. I read it.
121
00:07:44,550 --> 00:07:49,410
Yeah, yeah. Well, I kind of think you'd
be a little bit more excited. Not every
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00:07:49,410 --> 00:07:51,970
band leader can make a Maharaja flipper
beanie.
123
00:07:52,850 --> 00:07:56,930
You don't mean to tell me you really
believe that story, do you? Well, it's
124
00:07:56,930 --> 00:07:57,930
all the papers.
125
00:07:57,950 --> 00:07:59,390
Are you out of your head or something?
126
00:07:59,900 --> 00:08:05,760
A member of royalty in some ridiculous
place called Crapistan, or whatever the
127
00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:06,760
name of the joint is.
128
00:08:07,180 --> 00:08:09,060
She gets a hold of one of my records.
129
00:08:09,380 --> 00:08:13,940
So she travels halfway around the world
just to hear me sing.
130
00:08:14,420 --> 00:08:18,020
Well, that's the phoniest story I've
ever heard in my life. Where did it come
131
00:08:18,020 --> 00:08:19,780
from? My press agent. Where else?
132
00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:22,860
I told that character I wanted some
publicity, but this is ridiculous.
133
00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:26,800
I'd be laughed out right out of the...
Well, now that I think it over, it does
134
00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:28,820
sound pretty silly. Of course it's
silly.
135
00:08:29,500 --> 00:08:31,500
Only an idiot will believe a story like
that.
136
00:08:34,780 --> 00:08:35,780
Hello?
137
00:08:36,059 --> 00:08:39,659
Kenny. Now, look, what is the matter
with you, Kenny? Are you trying to get
138
00:08:39,659 --> 00:08:40,659
kicked out of show business?
139
00:08:41,159 --> 00:08:43,840
You know what I'm talking about. The
story in the paper. The story.
140
00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:49,180
Look, that is the most ridiculous, the
most stupid, the silliest, funniest...
141
00:08:49,180 --> 00:08:50,180
What?
142
00:08:51,380 --> 00:08:52,380
You're dense.
143
00:08:53,420 --> 00:08:55,040
Now, wait a minute, Clem.
144
00:08:56,140 --> 00:08:57,400
You're not kidding me, are you?
145
00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:01,460
Well, I'm going to call the Waldorf
right away and find out.
146
00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:04,060
You did call the Waldorf.
147
00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:09,100
And the Maharins of Afghanistan
registered there this morning?
148
00:09:10,540 --> 00:09:11,540
Holy cow.
149
00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:17,180
How about that?
150
00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:21,200
Okay.
151
00:09:21,460 --> 00:09:22,560
Talk to you later, kid.
152
00:09:28,209 --> 00:09:29,490
I guess it's true.
153
00:09:31,110 --> 00:09:34,350
Somebody around here just said only an
idiot would fall for a story like that.
154
00:09:35,850 --> 00:09:38,310
Now, wait a minute, Fred. Now, let's
look at it this way.
155
00:09:38,990 --> 00:09:45,690
Here's this poor girl sitting in her
castle in faraway Afghanistan.
156
00:09:46,870 --> 00:09:48,610
She gets a hold of one of my records.
157
00:09:49,190 --> 00:09:51,450
She finds my voice irresistible.
158
00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:53,860
And she falls madly in love.
159
00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:56,500
There's nothing far -fetched about that.
160
00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:01,240
Maybe I ought to go out and come in
again.
161
00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:05,480
See, I wonder if she speaks English.
162
00:10:06,380 --> 00:10:07,780
You know what they speak in Franistan?
163
00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:09,000
I don't know. Where is it?
164
00:10:11,060 --> 00:10:12,060
Where is it?
165
00:10:12,260 --> 00:10:13,260
Yeah.
166
00:10:13,380 --> 00:10:15,180
Oh, Fred, don't you know anything?
167
00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:16,800
No. Where is it?
168
00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:18,840
Franistan? Yeah.
169
00:10:19,670 --> 00:10:24,830
Well, it's right between Czechoslovakia
and the... below the border of Austria.
170
00:10:26,030 --> 00:10:30,290
Well, you know, it's stocked right in
between Switzerland and Persia, right in
171
00:10:30,290 --> 00:10:31,290
there.
172
00:10:32,410 --> 00:10:34,330
Oh, there.
173
00:10:34,710 --> 00:10:37,210
Yeah, there, Pranistan. That's where it
is, right there.
174
00:10:38,990 --> 00:10:40,450
How about that?
175
00:10:41,110 --> 00:10:43,750
Gee, I wonder what you do when you're
introduced to royalty.
176
00:10:45,050 --> 00:10:46,130
How about this, Fred?
177
00:10:47,530 --> 00:10:48,530
Your Highness.
178
00:10:48,970 --> 00:10:50,550
I am delighted to meet you.
179
00:10:50,870 --> 00:10:52,970
Oh, Mr. Ricardo, you send me!
180
00:10:56,810 --> 00:10:57,170
You
181
00:10:57,170 --> 00:11:06,390
know,
182
00:11:06,410 --> 00:11:08,650
are you sure that the Highness said
she'd be here at three o 'clock?
183
00:11:09,070 --> 00:11:13,070
Yes, her lady in waiting called me and
right after they checked in with the
184
00:11:13,070 --> 00:11:14,670
Waldorf and she said she'd be here at
three o 'clock.
185
00:11:15,150 --> 00:11:16,149
Hey, Ricky.
186
00:11:16,150 --> 00:11:17,190
Oh, hold it.
187
00:11:18,090 --> 00:11:20,680
Thanks. Are you going to put on a whole
show just for her?
188
00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:23,420
Yes, yes. It's a command performance,
you know. We're going to do everything.
189
00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:25,920
Yeah. Hey, Rick, I just called the house
again.
190
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:27,660
Lucy and Ethel must be out shopping.
191
00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:30,200
Oh, gee, that's too bad they have to
miss it.
192
00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:35,480
And, fellas, now please don't forget how
we rehearse her entrance now. All
193
00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:37,460
right? Did you hear that? Okay.
194
00:11:38,660 --> 00:11:40,360
Cigarette? Yeah, please. Thank you.
195
00:11:42,340 --> 00:11:45,900
I guess you must be pretty nervous at
meeting royalty like this, huh? Hmm?
196
00:11:47,020 --> 00:11:49,800
Nervous? No, why should I be nervous? I
don't mean a royalty. I don't have to
197
00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:50,800
be.
198
00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:52,960
Hey, Rick, look.
199
00:11:53,240 --> 00:11:53,959
Here they come.
200
00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:55,180
All right, fellas, off, everybody, off.
201
00:13:26,670 --> 00:13:27,670
nice trip over?
202
00:13:27,990 --> 00:13:28,990
Yes.
203
00:13:33,770 --> 00:13:38,090
Are you enjoying your stay in America?
204
00:13:38,730 --> 00:13:39,730
Yes.
205
00:13:40,650 --> 00:13:43,470
Would Her Highness answer a few
questions for the press?
206
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:48,650
Yes. Your Highness, is it true that
Ricky...
207
00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:59,960
Your Highness, is it true that Ricky
Ricardo is your favorite vocalist?
208
00:14:00,660 --> 00:14:01,660
Yes.
209
00:14:02,140 --> 00:14:04,060
Do you like any other American
performers?
210
00:14:04,740 --> 00:14:08,240
No. Now, let me see if I have this
straight. You've never seen Ricky
211
00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:11,060
person. You first heard his records two
years ago, and you fell in love with his
212
00:14:11,060 --> 00:14:14,340
voice and decided to come to America to
see him. Your father didn't approve, but
213
00:14:14,340 --> 00:14:17,100
you came anyway, and you can hardly wait
to hear him sing. Is that right?
214
00:14:31,340 --> 00:14:34,320
How about the political situation in
Franistan? Do you think that the...
215
00:16:28,170 --> 00:16:32,870
I want to scold you, but I care more
than I care to.
216
00:16:33,410 --> 00:16:35,570
And when you touch me, I...
217
00:16:58,700 --> 00:17:00,660
Good night. And still you linger.
218
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:07,460
I kind of think you get ideas, too.
219
00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:15,800
Your eyes
220
00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:22,660
are always saying the things you never
say. I only hope
221
00:17:22,660 --> 00:17:25,220
they're saying that you could laugh.
222
00:18:05,830 --> 00:18:09,070
I understand that your favorite number
of ours is...
223
00:19:00,620 --> 00:19:03,980
Ricky's gonna get. Yeah, but why did he
have to sing so many songs?
224
00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:08,360
25 numbers and every other one was
Babaloo.
225
00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:12,880
If I'd had to faint one more time, I'd
have fainted.
226
00:19:13,860 --> 00:19:15,100
Well, let's get out of here.
227
00:19:15,420 --> 00:19:16,420
Okay.
228
00:19:17,580 --> 00:19:19,620
Listen, if that's another reporter,
don't let him in.
229
00:19:33,450 --> 00:19:35,530
Things are not going good in Franistan.
230
00:19:36,310 --> 00:19:39,190
Franistan? Oh, wait a minute now. Who
are you?
231
00:19:40,430 --> 00:19:42,830
Chief of Franistanian Secret Police.
232
00:19:43,370 --> 00:19:45,310
I'm John Zanidou.
233
00:19:46,210 --> 00:19:47,870
Well, I'm Lucy Ricardo.
234
00:19:49,150 --> 00:19:53,930
You do not have to conceal your identity
from me. You bear the mark that is
235
00:19:53,930 --> 00:19:56,510
borne only by women of royal Franistan
family.
236
00:19:56,770 --> 00:19:58,250
Red and black hair.
237
00:20:06,830 --> 00:20:07,890
revolutionists are after you.
238
00:20:08,270 --> 00:20:09,330
Hey, he's serious.
239
00:20:09,810 --> 00:20:12,890
Good heavens, Ethel, do you think there
really is such a place as Franistan?
240
00:20:13,250 --> 00:20:14,830
Hurry, we have no time to lose.
241
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:07,440
His secret.
242
00:21:07,460 --> 00:21:09,160
All right, I'll give you the secret.
243
00:21:09,500 --> 00:21:12,360
It's every two weeks a cup of henna to a
gallon of water.
244
00:21:15,780 --> 00:21:18,320
I'm not a maharincus, I'm a henna
rincus.
245
00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:25,680
He will talk when the tiger gets here.
246
00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:26,960
The tiger?
247
00:21:27,020 --> 00:21:30,200
He knows all methods of oriental
torture.
248
00:21:30,840 --> 00:21:32,820
Water dripping on the head.
249
00:21:33,300 --> 00:21:34,300
Tiff.
250
00:21:53,770 --> 00:21:54,770
them all.
251
00:23:57,699 --> 00:24:01,400
I don't think it was very funny. You
ought to be ashamed of yourself. You're
252
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:02,400
scared of...
253
00:24:29,840 --> 00:24:30,960
was played by Bennett Green.
254
00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:34,020
The two assassins were played by Dick
Reeves and Gil Herman.
255
00:24:48,380 --> 00:24:50,620
I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.
19805
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