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1
00:00:40,330 --> 00:00:41,910
Hi, Lucy. You ready? Yeah, almost.
2
00:00:42,210 --> 00:00:45,230
Hi, Ricky. Get your coat on. Picture
starts at 8 .22.
3
00:00:45,850 --> 00:00:49,470
Oh, honey, I think you better go alone.
I'm having nothing but problems with my
4
00:00:49,470 --> 00:00:52,310
new show. Oh, Ricky, what kind of
problems?
5
00:00:52,690 --> 00:00:56,690
Well, it's a cavalcade of show business
we're doing, and I'm having trouble
6
00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:57,690
finding some acts.
7
00:00:58,170 --> 00:01:01,410
Oh, what kind of acts do you need,
Ricky? What kind of acts do you need?
8
00:01:03,650 --> 00:01:07,470
Now, look, Lucy, we're not going to go
all over this again.
9
00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:09,720
You cannot be in the show.
10
00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:11,720
Give me one good reason.
11
00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:13,520
You have no talent.
12
00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:17,540
Give me another good reason.
13
00:01:19,100 --> 00:01:22,280
Look, honey, even if I wanted to put you
in the show, I wouldn't be able to do
14
00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:25,760
it. There's only two openings, a ballet
dancer and a pair of burlesque comics.
15
00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:27,460
I'm a ballet dancer.
16
00:01:28,540 --> 00:01:33,670
Well, I am, and I've had... I've had
experience, too. I was in a dance
17
00:01:33,670 --> 00:01:35,390
in high school, the Dance of the
Flowers.
18
00:01:35,670 --> 00:01:37,150
She has got nice stems.
19
00:01:37,410 --> 00:01:38,410
Thank you.
20
00:01:40,930 --> 00:01:43,390
I was the only Petunia that did a solo.
21
00:01:46,710 --> 00:01:53,150
Look, Petunia, Madame Laman, the premier
ballerina of the French ballet, is
22
00:01:53,150 --> 00:01:54,150
staging this number.
23
00:01:54,350 --> 00:01:57,190
I hardly think that she will consider
that training enough. Well, then she'll
24
00:01:57,190 --> 00:01:58,190
just have to be shown.
25
00:01:58,370 --> 00:02:01,590
I just happen to have that costume in my
trunk, and I know that I can do that
26
00:02:01,590 --> 00:02:03,390
dance just as well now as I did then.
27
00:02:03,750 --> 00:02:06,330
Once you really know ballet, it never
leaves you.
28
00:02:07,290 --> 00:02:09,130
Lucy, I didn't know you were a ballet
dancer.
29
00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:11,930
For four years, I was never off my toes.
30
00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:18,090
What am I going to do about her?
31
00:02:18,590 --> 00:02:21,550
Have you ever thought of putting her in
a large basket and leaving her on
32
00:02:21,550 --> 00:02:22,550
somebody's doorstep?
33
00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:27,120
That wouldn't work.
34
00:02:27,340 --> 00:02:29,240
She's too smart. She'll find her way
home.
35
00:02:31,220 --> 00:02:32,220
Hey, Rick.
36
00:02:32,700 --> 00:02:37,000
You know those comedians you want, do
they really have to be burlesque comics?
37
00:02:37,540 --> 00:02:41,060
You know, I did a very funny act years
ago with my partner, Ted Kurtz.
38
00:02:41,580 --> 00:02:43,080
Mertz and Kurtz, the laugh twins.
39
00:02:45,980 --> 00:02:47,140
Presenting Mertz and Kurtz.
40
00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:50,520
Well, if it ain't my old friend, Fred.
How are you, Fred?
41
00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:52,900
Well, if it ain't my old friend, Ted,
how are you, Ted?
42
00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:55,940
Did you hear about the terrible accident
on the streetcar, Freddy?
43
00:02:56,280 --> 00:02:59,880
No, I didn't hear about an accident on
the streetcar, Teddy. You mean to tell
44
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:01,980
you didn't hear about the accident on
the streetcar, Teddy?
45
00:03:03,060 --> 00:03:04,060
Merz.
46
00:03:04,620 --> 00:03:05,620
I'm Kurtz.
47
00:03:06,460 --> 00:03:07,460
Now I'm Merz.
48
00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:08,680
How are you, Rick?
49
00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:11,780
They have to be burlesque comics.
50
00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:13,819
Oh, sure.
51
00:03:13,820 --> 00:03:14,820
That's too bad.
52
00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:18,000
Hey, by the way, what was the terrible
accident in the streetcar?
53
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,200
Wouldn't you like to know?
54
00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:23,960
No.
55
00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:26,600
Well, I'll tell you anyway.
56
00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:31,020
But remember, this is my best gag and
you gotta promise not to use it.
57
00:03:31,700 --> 00:03:32,700
Okay, I promise.
58
00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:35,760
What was the terrible accident in the
streetcar, Fred?
59
00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:38,700
Well, a man had his eye on a seat and a
woman sat on it.
60
00:03:40,700 --> 00:03:41,900
What a bipperoo!
61
00:03:43,780 --> 00:03:45,660
Remember, now you promise not to use it.
62
00:03:47,300 --> 00:03:49,020
That's one promise I will never break.
63
00:03:50,380 --> 00:03:52,560
Introducing Petunia Ricardo.
64
00:04:29,100 --> 00:04:30,700
Well, who am I going to get for the
ballet dancer?
65
00:04:32,780 --> 00:04:34,560
Oh, Ricky, you're mean.
66
00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:40,540
Look, honey, you're not serious about
this, are you? I am, too. Here I am with
67
00:04:40,540 --> 00:04:44,100
all this talent bottled up inside of me,
and you're always sitting on the cork.
68
00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:49,360
Now, Lucy... I'm going to get in that
show, but it's the last thing I do.
69
00:04:49,620 --> 00:04:51,860
Lucy, you're too young to die.
70
00:04:59,050 --> 00:05:00,050
What do you say, clan?
71
00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:47,200
And I jump in the bar.
72
00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:51,240
Now, first, I think we will start with a
few limbering up exercises.
73
00:05:51,780 --> 00:05:54,340
I assume you know all the basic
positions.
74
00:05:54,860 --> 00:05:59,840
Uh, yeah, yeah. All right. Ici, madame.
Ici, classe. En place.
75
00:06:00,840 --> 00:06:03,100
All righty. Class.
76
00:06:03,420 --> 00:06:04,399
Now, then.
77
00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:05,700
First position.
78
00:06:07,060 --> 00:06:08,280
Bon. Bon.
79
00:06:09,380 --> 00:06:11,280
No, madame. A further out.
80
00:06:12,180 --> 00:06:13,580
No, madame. The toes.
81
00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:25,080
I'm awful thirsty.
82
00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:28,600
Madame, this bar.
83
00:08:29,380 --> 00:08:34,940
Oh, I thought you meant... Take the
place of the bar.
84
00:08:35,659 --> 00:08:36,900
Feet in first position.
85
00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:39,720
Now, in the first place, your posture...
86
00:09:09,230 --> 00:09:10,230
the bar.
87
00:11:37,100 --> 00:11:38,260
to teach me a burlesque act.
88
00:11:38,940 --> 00:11:41,760
Oh, somebody's at the door. Maybe that's
him. I'll call you back later, Ethel.
89
00:11:45,720 --> 00:11:47,360
Well, this must be the place.
90
00:11:53,560 --> 00:11:55,000
Well, what time have the girls got here?
91
00:11:55,340 --> 00:11:56,840
How do you do? I'm Mrs. Ricardo.
92
00:11:57,360 --> 00:11:58,359
Oh, how do you do?
93
00:11:58,360 --> 00:11:59,780
Where's the fellow who wants me to teach
him a bit?
94
00:11:59,980 --> 00:12:00,980
Oh, right here.
95
00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:03,640
Say, you're a nice -looking fellow.
96
00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:07,470
Thank you. You see, I have a wonderful
chance to get in... to a show if I can
97
00:12:07,470 --> 00:12:08,470
a burlesque act.
98
00:12:08,550 --> 00:12:10,570
Oh, I don't know about doing this bit
with a dame.
99
00:12:10,790 --> 00:12:12,550
These bits are done by two men.
100
00:12:12,830 --> 00:12:14,970
Well, couldn't you just pretend that I'm
a man?
101
00:12:15,610 --> 00:12:17,050
Okay, I got a good imagination.
102
00:12:17,350 --> 00:12:18,350
Come here.
103
00:12:19,550 --> 00:12:22,010
Hey, this will help try it on. Okay.
104
00:12:28,870 --> 00:12:29,870
Now, let's see.
105
00:12:30,190 --> 00:12:31,190
What bit will we do?
106
00:12:31,730 --> 00:12:32,990
How about slowly I turn?
107
00:12:33,670 --> 00:12:35,090
Slowly I turn? What's that?
108
00:12:35,550 --> 00:12:36,550
That's the name of the sketch.
109
00:12:36,610 --> 00:12:38,650
Oh. Want to try it? All right.
110
00:12:38,930 --> 00:12:40,070
There isn't much to it.
111
00:12:40,350 --> 00:12:41,350
What do I do?
112
00:12:41,570 --> 00:12:43,910
Well, I'll be sitting here on this park
bench here.
113
00:12:44,110 --> 00:12:45,950
You come along, tell me I look down in
the mouth.
114
00:12:46,390 --> 00:12:47,390
Ask me if you can help.
115
00:12:47,950 --> 00:12:49,130
Well, what happens then?
116
00:12:49,530 --> 00:12:51,570
Well, the rest of it sort of takes care
of itself.
117
00:12:51,790 --> 00:12:53,210
Okay. Want to try it? Yeah.
118
00:12:55,150 --> 00:12:57,590
Uh, you look down in the mouth. Can I
help you?
119
00:12:58,390 --> 00:13:00,490
Stranger, you have a kind face.
120
00:13:00,990 --> 00:13:02,190
Would you like to hear my story?
121
00:13:02,620 --> 00:13:03,620
Say yes. Yeah.
122
00:13:04,540 --> 00:13:07,700
I wasn't always a bum.
123
00:13:08,420 --> 00:13:10,180
Once I was handsome like you.
124
00:13:10,780 --> 00:13:12,660
Then she came into my life.
125
00:13:13,060 --> 00:13:14,740
It was love at first sight.
126
00:13:15,060 --> 00:13:16,300
And we were married.
127
00:13:16,500 --> 00:13:17,700
And very happy.
128
00:13:18,260 --> 00:13:21,120
Until one night, there came a knock at
the door.
129
00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:22,880
I opened it.
130
00:13:23,220 --> 00:13:24,760
A stranger was there.
131
00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:28,500
I had to make my home his home.
132
00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:31,300
And that was the beginning of the end.
133
00:13:32,140 --> 00:13:35,940
One night when I returned home from
work, I found the usual note.
134
00:13:36,580 --> 00:13:39,280
The stranger had stolen my wife away.
135
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:41,760
Then the search began.
136
00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:48,680
I followed them all over the world until
one day I saw them at Niagara
137
00:13:48,680 --> 00:13:52,020
Falls. That beast and my lovely wife.
138
00:13:52,820 --> 00:13:59,820
I never mention her name because when I
do, everything turns black in front of
139
00:13:59,820 --> 00:14:00,820
me.
140
00:14:02,030 --> 00:14:03,030
to kill.
141
00:14:03,950 --> 00:14:05,710
That's why I never mention her name.
142
00:14:06,330 --> 00:14:08,710
But it's the same as George Washington's
wife.
143
00:14:09,650 --> 00:14:11,230
Martha? Martha.
144
00:14:11,730 --> 00:14:12,689
That's it.
145
00:14:12,690 --> 00:14:13,690
Martha.
146
00:14:14,150 --> 00:14:16,070
Slowly I turn.
147
00:14:16,850 --> 00:14:18,450
Step by step.
148
00:14:18,910 --> 00:14:23,870
Inch by inch I crept up on the beast who
had ruined my life. I looked around for
149
00:14:23,870 --> 00:14:25,390
a walk. I grabbed one.
150
00:14:37,580 --> 00:14:38,439
No, you're not, Jim.
151
00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:39,440
No!
152
00:14:39,780 --> 00:14:41,700
You're the one with the kind face. Yeah!
153
00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:44,240
I'm sorry.
154
00:14:44,980 --> 00:14:45,980
I'm not well.
155
00:14:46,380 --> 00:14:48,600
Well, that's all right. I understand.
156
00:14:49,420 --> 00:14:52,580
I guess it must have been quite a shock
to you, thinking about Martha.
157
00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:54,320
Martha!
158
00:15:13,930 --> 00:15:14,469
It's you.
159
00:15:14,470 --> 00:15:15,930
Yeah, the one with the kind face.
160
00:15:18,710 --> 00:15:19,710
I'm sorry.
161
00:15:20,270 --> 00:15:21,330
I'm very weak.
162
00:15:22,030 --> 00:15:24,150
I should have met you when I was
stronger.
163
00:15:24,510 --> 00:15:25,510
Yeah.
164
00:15:25,590 --> 00:15:27,510
Should have met me before you met my...
Hello.
165
00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:56,719
enough of this.
166
00:15:56,720 --> 00:15:57,820
I agree with you.
167
00:15:58,320 --> 00:15:59,320
It's too much.
168
00:15:59,660 --> 00:16:00,920
I'm ashamed of myself.
169
00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:02,880
Well, you ought to be. Look at me. I'm a
mess.
170
00:16:03,260 --> 00:16:06,280
That's a very strange way to react just
because you hear the name Martha.
171
00:16:44,010 --> 00:16:45,370
Just had to let you have it. Oh!
172
00:16:46,310 --> 00:16:48,610
Oh, you're gonna... They're a pretty
good sport.
173
00:16:49,090 --> 00:16:50,090
Here.
174
00:16:50,270 --> 00:16:52,610
Now that you got the idea of the bit,
you want to try it again?
175
00:16:52,830 --> 00:16:55,110
Yeah, but this time you'll be the one
with the kind face.
176
00:16:57,250 --> 00:16:58,250
Okay.
177
00:17:03,490 --> 00:17:04,490
Hello?
178
00:17:04,609 --> 00:17:05,609
Hello, Lucy?
179
00:17:06,250 --> 00:17:09,010
Fred just called me, and I think I ought
to tell you before you get too
180
00:17:09,010 --> 00:17:11,650
involved. Ricky just hired those burlap
comics.
181
00:17:12,190 --> 00:17:13,190
Oh!
182
00:18:00,239 --> 00:18:01,740
Well, some opening night, huh?
183
00:18:01,940 --> 00:18:05,580
Yes. Too bad Lucy was so stubborn. She
wouldn't even come down.
184
00:18:05,900 --> 00:18:06,900
Did you see Ricky?
185
00:18:07,060 --> 00:18:09,320
Yeah, but he couldn't talk to me.
Something went wrong backstage.
186
00:18:10,060 --> 00:18:12,880
One of the ballet dancers took sick and
they don't know what they're going to do
187
00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:13,880
about the number.
188
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:16,780
Lucy knows that routine. She learned it
from Madame Limon.
189
00:18:17,300 --> 00:18:19,100
Gee, that would be a great break for
her.
190
00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:21,660
Yeah. But what a terrible trick to play
on Ricky.
191
00:18:21,980 --> 00:18:23,780
It is not. She'll be fine.
192
00:18:24,140 --> 00:18:26,380
I'm going to call her up and tell her to
come right now.
193
00:18:28,270 --> 00:18:30,510
You go find Ricky and tell him you've
got another dancer.
194
00:18:30,770 --> 00:18:31,770
All right.
195
00:19:38,899 --> 00:19:45,860
© BF -WATCH TV 2021 © BF
196
00:19:45,860 --> 00:19:47,800
-WATCH TV 2021
197
00:20:41,420 --> 00:20:42,420
Thank you.
198
00:24:30,220 --> 00:24:31,860
Positive. Come in, honey.
199
00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:48,020
Thank you, Ricardo.
200
00:24:50,300 --> 00:24:53,640
Well, I guess I had it coming to me.
201
00:25:23,630 --> 00:25:27,710
For this comic was played by Frank
Scannell. The part of Madame Le Mans was
202
00:25:27,710 --> 00:25:28,910
played by Mary Wick.
203
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:05,820
I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.
15210