All language subtitles for i_love_lucy_s01e13_the_benefit

That's it, partner. Game and rubber.

How do you like that, Ricky? We didn't
take a single trick.

Fortunately, you only bid six spades.
Double.

When I was leading diamonds and you
didn't have any diamonds, why didn't you

play trumps?

I didn't have any trumps. I thought you
knew that. Why do you think I was

kicking you under the table?

You didn't kick me.

Well, then who did I kick?

Was there any liniment in the house?

I was kicking you?

I rather enjoyed it. I thought we were
playing shinsies.

Well, here it is. 14 ,625 points for us
and 73 points for

you.

Let's see. You owe us 14 ,000 at, let's
see, five and carry two.

85 cents.

Hey, I'm Ricky.

I'll get my purse.

Yeah, I've been sitting still too long,
I'll tell you that.

I have too.

Shine on Harvest Moon. What are you
doing with this old tune, Ricky?

Oh, we're going into the show. You know,
an old -fashioned June moon number.

Yeah? Here, sit down.

Oh, sing, Ricky.

All right. Oh, shine...

wait to find out.

Ah!

Fred? Ah!

Apple? Ah!

Lucy? Ah!

Aris, Maltese, we found our man.

You have not. I hit the right note. The
piano needs tuning.

Ah, honey, why don't you just go and sit
down and listen to the rest of us, huh?

nobody sings.

Well, all right, then, if nobody wants
to sing, I'll just sing by myself.

Well, of all the insulting.

Oh, no, honey, come on.

Fix us a snack, eh? I'm hungry. No, you
can't insult me and then expect me to

feed you. Oh, honey.

Come on, friend. Let's see what's out
there. Coming, maestro.

Oh, dear. I might just as well fix it
for them. They'll just get the kitchen

messy. No, wait a minute, Lucy. I want
to talk to you. What about?

Well, come sit down.

You've got to help me. My woman's club
wants Ricky.

Well, I'd be very glad to help them out,
Ethel, but I'm not through with them

yet.

Now, I...

I want him to sing at a benefit my club
is giving next week, and I can't get up

the nerve to ask him. You ask him.

Well?

How would you like to have the both of
us?

Is that the only way we can get Ricky?

Never mind that. Do you want us or don't
you?

Well, all right.

Do you think you can get him to do it?

Sure, if I wheedle it. How soon? I got
to have the posters printed and the

made for the front of the theater, you
know.

You go ahead and have him made. I'll
work on Ricky.

I'll start on him tonight just as soon
as you and Fred leave. Oh, good. We'll

right now.

Fred!

Come on, it's getting late. We gotta go.

But I'm hungry.

Oh, come on.

You can live off of that till breakfast.

Thanks, Lucy, for a lovely evening.

Bye.

Eighty -five cents.

Straighten it up in the morning, honey.

Okay, dear.

Anything you say.

Thank you.

You sure look handsome in that smoking
jacket.

I do?

Yeah. I love you.

Lucy, what do you want?

Nothing. I just love you, that's all.

Well, that's nice.

Do you love me?

Sure, I love you.

Would you climb the highest mountain for
me?

Mm -hmm.

Would you swim the widest ocean?

Yeah.

Would you do anything in the world for
me?

Yep.

Anything but sing at Ethel's Club next
week.

I don't know what you're talking about.

And who told you?

Fred told me. Oh, that big blabbermouth.

All right, if that's the way you feel
about it, I'll just tell Ethel we can't

make it.

What did you say?

I said I'll just tell Ethel that we
can't make it.

What do you mean, we?

Well, for your information, Ethel asked
me to appear at that benefit, too.

I thought perhaps we could sing a duet
together.

Oh, no.

Oh, Ricky, wouldn't you do it for me?

No. But I can... No.

No! Lucy, I am not going to appear that
benefit.

Do you understand?

And I don't want to hear another word
about it, right?

That's better.

that you might be able to do.

I'll bring it home tomorrow night and we
can rehearse it. Oh, Ricky, you're

wonderful.

is your part, and this is mine.

Oh, this is mine?

Yeah.

Oh, honey, that isn't fair to you.

Well, sweetheart, you are the star.

Uh -huh. So you sing all the words that
are written on your music, and I'll sing

everything on mine. Okay.

All right?

fit your voice.

We'll just have to forget all about the
benefits.

Well, you look again. You'll be able to
find me one.

No, I want.

Not much you want.

And the show's tonight.

You were so sure you could wheedle him.

So you can get Ricky. You still have me.

After all, what's Ricky got that I
haven't got except a band, a

And talent.

Well, now, let's not be unkind.

Do you want me or don't you?

Oh, I don't know.

It's too late to have any new posters
printed, and you are Mrs.

Ricky Ricardo.

But it's like expecting Clark Gable and
getting Hubert Grimset.

Grim said I never heard of him.

Exactly.

Well, you must admit I'm better than
nothing. There, you've got me.

Just what were you intending to do in
the show tonight?

Well, I'm not sure.

I could sing.

But I'm not going to by popular demand.

I could dance, but I don't have a
partner.

Oh, dear.

Oh.

I know!

Ricky's got a closet full of costumes
left from his shows. I'll find one that

fits me, and I'll build a whole act
around it. Oh, let me help you. Haven't

ever seen this stuff, dear?

Oh, we've been saving this stuff for
years.

What a treasure trove. Oh, I can't
imagine.

This is terrific.

Hey, here's a clown suit. This might do.
Let's see.

You'll get a lot of laughs with that.

I'll say I will.

Say, those moths were hungrier than I
thought.

Hey, look, here's the rest of it.

Oh, Ethel, this is it, this is it. We'll
do a horse act.

But it takes two people to do a horse
act.

Well, what are you doing tonight?

Me, I'm the chairman.

So?

You must be sensible about this. Who's
the big name in this twosome? I'm Mrs.

Ricky Ricardo.

Listen, Lucy, when you're inside a
horse, it doesn't matter if you're Mrs.

Hubert Grimstead.

I'm only doing this benefit for you. I
should think you could do this one

thing for me. Listen, Lucy, even for
sweet charity, I am not going to be the

back end of a horse.

Ethel, now be sensible. Who's going to
recognize you? You just said so

Come on now, try it on.

Oh.

Why do these things always happen to me?

Take off your shoes. Take off my shoes?

Yes. You have to step into this thing.
Oh. This is the front. That's right.

the feet.

Yeah, now hold on to you. Oh, if my
family in Albuquerque could see me,

die ashamed.

Speaking of Albuquerque, is it true that
your father drinks goat's milk?

Are you sure nobody can tell who I am?

I defy anybody to recognize you.

didn't you, Fred?

What costume?

That's all, brother. Count me out.

Oh, Ethel. Oh, no.

Oh, Ethel.

Lucy,

I stopped by the club and Ricky asked me
to bring you this. Music?

It's the number he's going to do with
you tonight at Ethel's benefit.

Oh, Ethel, he's going to do it. Thank
goodness.

He wants you to look it over and he'll
join you there later. He's bringing the

costume. Oh, wonderful.

Underneath the bamboo tree.

Oh, Ethel, this is that cute... song and
dance number that Ricky had in the show

last year. I know it backwards.

Da -da -da -da -da -da. Da -da -da -da
-da -da.

What's all this?

Oh, those are jokes.

Ricky's got a cane that he taps on the
floor with when he wants the music to

stop. Why don't you tell one of these
jokes?

Oh, good. I love to tell jokes.

Here, rehearse them with me, will you,
Fred? Why, sure I will.

Da -da -da -da -da -da.

Da -da -da -da -da -da. Da -da -da -da
-da -da.

You know, a funny thing happened to me
on the way to the theater this evening.

What?

Well, a tramp came up to me in the
street and told me that he hadn't had a

in weeks.

What did you do?

I bit him.

That's Ricky's line.

Did you hear about the big fire down at
the shoe factory?

What happened?

Two hundred souls were lost.

What a bop!

He must be saving the good jokes for me.

Tap, tap, tap.

You know, there are two things that I
can't... That's Ricky's line, too.

Oh, I was afraid of that.

You know, there are two things that I
can't eat... Wait a minute.

Who does he think he is?

He's got all the funny lines for
himself.

do it with him. Oh, now, Lucy, if you
don't do it, Ricky won't. Well, I don't

care. Oh, Lucy, I never thought I'd live
to ask this question, but will you

please sing at our benefit tonight?

No. Oh, please.

No. But I'll be in such a mess. I told
all the women... Wait a minute, wait a

minute. I got an idea.

Okay, I'll do it. Good.

You two skedaddle. I have a little
studying to do. Oh, come on, Fred. Let's

leave her while she's in the room. All
right, all right.

Thank you.

And now, club members and guests, comes
the piece de resistance.

That means the best part of the evening.

Mr. and Mrs.

Ricky Ricardo in Songs and Whippy
Sayings.

We'll build a bungalow big enough for
two.

Big enough for two. Yes,

me and you.

And when we're married, happy we'll be.

Under the bamboo, underneath the bamboo
tree.

Say, Lucy.

Yeah, Ricky.

You know, a funny thing happened to me
on the way to the theater tonight.

What? A tramp came up to me in the
street and he said he hadn't had a bite

weeks.

hear about the big fire down in the shoe
factory.

I'll bet some heels started it.

You were supposed to say what happened.
Huh?

What happened?

200 souls were lost.

tricks.

You started this time. Go ahead.

Okay.

you this time. I got a joke that you'll
never hear in your whole life.

Okay, go ahead and spill it, brother.

Did you hear about the girl that was so
dumb that she thought a football coach

had four wheels?

Four wheels!

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.