All language subtitles for I Love Lucy s03e09 too many crooks

Wait, did a man come in here or anything
like that? Did you see anybody? Did you

see anybody on the fire?

What do you mean? What are you talking
about?

There's been a robbery in the
neighborhood. A robbery? Well, get the

the police.

Oh, you're a police.

That's all right, Mrs., uh... Ricardo.

Mrs. Ricardo, did you see anyone?

No, I was asleep.

Who else lives here?

Well, my husband, he's still working at
the club, and my little baby's asleep in

the nursery.

I'll check the premises.

Oh, well... A robbery right here, right
here in the building? Oh, it just gives

me goose pimples. Well, gee, at least
you got Fred to protect you.

Protect me?

The minute he heard about it, he ran and
hid.

I was not hiding. I was looking for
something to hit him with.

Under the bed?

Oh, it was awful, Lucy. I can't see
what's going on.

Officer, please don't wake up the baby.

Ackerman's apartment across the street.
They came home and scared the burglar

and he went down the fire escape. No
kidding!

Yeah, and then they saw him run across
the street and right into this building.

Are you sure? Well, yes.

We've checked everywhere.

So I guess she's given us the slip
again. Oh, that's too... She?

Isn't it a man?

We think the person who's been pulling
all these jobs in the neighborhood

is a woman.

What makes you think it's a woman? We
suspected it at first.

But tonight, the Ackerman's report...

How? Just before entering this building,
they saw the robber stop and take a

hitch at her girdle.

Have you any idea who she is? No, the
only thing we've got to go on are

fingerprints. But the boys on the force
call her Madam X.

Madam X?

How do you like that?

Well, thanks, folks, for your
cooperation.

Madam X strikes again.

The mysterious...

woman burglar added another to her long
list of robberies last night.

Oh, boy, that's exciting.

It isn't every day we have a robbery and
get our names in the paper.

What do you mean, our names in the
paper? Right here. The police questioned

the tenants. That's us.

I caught it out and put it in my
scrapbook. Well, it is exciting.

Have you seen the news? Have you seen
the mirror? Look at that.

Oh.

Oh, the news is more sensational. Yeah,
but the mirror gives it more space.

Isn't it scary?

I want you to have new locks put on
every door in this building. A child

open the old ones. I can't afford it.

I'll buy them.

With what?

Oh, I've managed to save a little out of
that miserable pittance you give me.

Okay, then buy the locks.

All right.

I was going to buy you a birthday
present with that money.

Oh, fine.

Oh, Fred, I didn't know you had a
birthday coming up.

What is it, Fred? Wig from Thursday.

How old are you going to be?

Did you hear about the big robbery last
night?

Come on, Fred. Don't be bashful. How old
are you? Well, I'll make a deal. I'll

tell how old I am if you'll tell how old
you are.

I was a big robbery man.

Come on, birthday boy. Let's go count
how many locks we have to buy.

New door locks for Fred.

New door locks for Fred. New door locks
for Fred.

Gee, I'm glad we found... It's not about
Fred's birthday. What do we get him?

How about some keys to go with the
locks?

Seriously, we have to get him something
nice.

Hey, I know.

A tweed suit.

A tweed suit?

Yeah.

He's always wanted a suit from my
tailors, a tweed one.

Oh, a tweed suit. Oh, he'd love that.

Well, I'll tell you what. I'll make an
appointment for him to go to the tailors

today. Oh, no, that's no fun. That won't
be a surprise.

Well, honey, they have to know his
measurements.

They do?

They do, unless you want to give him a
tweed nightshirt.

Oh, dear.

Let's see.

Oh, why don't you get one of his old
suits from Ethel, and then the Taylors

get the makes themselves of that? No,
she's such a blabbermouth. She'd tell

Well, I don't know how we're going to
get it, then. I know. I'll sneak in and

get one of his old suits out of the
closet without either one of them

it.

Be sure they don't catch you.

Well, I won't if you keep him busy. Call
him up and get him over here on some

pretext. Okay.

I'll get him over on some pretext.

What's a pretext?

Well, it's when you want someone to do
something, but you don't want them to

know that you want them to do that
particular something. So you make up

something else.

Then they think they're just doing
something else, but in reality, they're

the something that you want them to do,
but don't want them to know that you

want them to do.

What?

Look, I'll show you what I mean.

Oh, wait a minute. Forget the pretext.
They're out around the building counting

locks. I'll go get it right now. Okay.

Mrs. Mertz, here's the check for my
rent. Oh, thanks.

My, we certainly had a lot of excitement
around here last night, didn't we? I'll

say we did.

Are we alone?

Well, yes.

Fred's out in the kitchen, but he can't
hear us. Why?

Mrs. Mertz, I know something.

About the robbery?

Yes.

And I've got to tell somebody.

Oh, you can trust me, Mrs. Trumbull.

Well, I may be wrong, but I think
there's a chance that Madam X may be

who lives in our building.

In this building?

What makes you think so?

Well, they say Madam X is a woman who
wears men's clothes. Yes, yes. They saw

her come in here, and they didn't see
her go out. Yes. Now, I know I'm wrong.

I know there's a logical explanation,
but... But what? But what?

I saw someone sneaking out of your

apartment with a man's suit.

Who?

Lucy Ricardo.

Lucy? Going out of this apartment?

Sneaking along the hall.

Oh, my goodness.

Lucy. Oh, Mrs. Trumbull. Oh, what are we
saying?

I know there's a logical explanation,
but what is it? Oh, Mrs. Trumbull, I'm

surprised at you suspecting Lucy of all
people. Well, I said I knew I was wrong.

Well, I should say so. Oh, I'm ashamed
of the two of us just standing here

talking like this. Oh, so am I.

Just forget I ever mentioned it. Oh,
consider it forgotten.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

Lucy who?

Lucy Ricardo.

And what's more, she's pulling all those
jobs wearing your suit.

I've been waiting for this.

Your brain has gone bye -bye.

Oh, is that so?

Well, Mrs. Trumbull said she saw Lucy
sneaking out of this apartment carrying

one of your suits.

I don't believe it. Well, I'll just look
and see.

Uh -huh.

Your gray suit is gone.

So she took one of my suits.

Ethel, there's a hundred reasons why
Lucy could take one of my suits. Name a

few.

Well, it could have been... Well, she
might have had a...

So Lucy's Madam X.

Uh -huh.

Now, listen, we've got to get a hold of
ourselves. We're standing here accusing

Lucy of being a crook. I know it. I know
it.

We've got to prove that Lucy's innocent
for her sake and ours. But how?

After Ricky goes to work tonight, we'll
watch her and see what she does.

We'll go up on the roof and come down
the fire escape and watch her through

window. What'll that prove?

Well, if she doesn't put on your suit
and go out and come back later with a

full of loot, then she isn't Madam X.

That won't prove anything. Even a crook
has a night off.

Then we'll stay out there till we prove
that Lucy's innocent.

All right.

Besides, if she is Madam X, you and I
better know about it.

What's she doing now?

She must be going to crack a safe
tonight.

She's sandpaper in the ends of her
fingers.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

I was wrong.

She's using an emery board on her nails.

Come on, Sherlock.

Let's go back to headquarters and forget
it. Forget it? We've only been here an

hour. I'm cold. I want to go home. Well,
go ahead. Leave me your coat, will you?

Yes.

Here,

put this on.

Put my hat on, too.

Now, don't hang around here too long.

I won't. Just long enough to clear the
name of my good friend, Madam X.

Oh, Lucy!

wake you up, honey.

I'm going to take you over to Ann
Ethel's. That might have been Madame X

fire escape.

How's money for the week, honey?

Now, put it away. Don't lose it.

Now, look, Lucy, you got to stop even
thinking that Ethel is Madame X. I know,

but after what I saw...

What was she doing out there on that
fire escape wearing a man's hat and

Well, there must be a good reason for
it. I'd like nothing better than to find

good reason. I've been thinking and
thinking and I can't find one.

Well, now, you don't really think that
Ethel is not an egg. Of course not. But

how can I prove it?

Well, why don't you just ask her about
it?

Oh, sure. What am I going to say? Hi,
Ethel. Robbed any good apartments

You know what I mean. Tell her that you
saw her out in the fire escape.

Oh, I can't do that. Why not?

If she's not Madame X, she'll tell you
when she was out there.

And if she is, she'll shoot me.

Oh, we gotta be clever about this,
Ricky.

What do the police do when they suspect
someone?

Oh, well, they got a whole routine.

What kind of a routine?

Well, you know, they got clues,
fingerprints, telltale evidences.

Fingerprints? We'll try to get out
those... fingerprints on something. This

silver cigarette case of yours would be
just perfect.

This will just be perfect.

Now, let's see. We can serve drinks,
maybe get fingerprints on the glasses,

Okay, I'll make some lemonade or
something.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. Just serve two drinks.

Just two? Yeah. Now, we won't touch a
thing. That way, all the fingerprints

be theirs.

Now,

keep your

eyes peeled for clues while we're over
there.

Hey. If you could get Lucy to choke you,
we'd have her fingerprints on your

neck.

Hey, that's a good idea.

Yeah, I like it. I don't mean the
choking part.

We'll try and get her fingerprints on
something. All right.

Now, while we're over there, we won't
touch a thing. And any fingerprints will

be theirs.

All right, come on, let's go.

last year.

Oh, you've seen it before, huh?

Yeah. Oh.

You want to see it again?

No.

Oh.

Uh, look inside. You haven't seen the
inscription, have you?

You mean the one that says, uh, Merry
Christmas to the boss from the boys,

I know.

to reduce. If anything, I'd say you were
underweight.

Have you been to Inoculus lately?

Come on, Ethel.

Have one. Come on.

Here.

No, I'm not thirsty anyway.

Oh,

don't let that keep you from having one,
honey. You have one.

Okay.

She deliberately kept from putting her
fingers on anything.

Yeah. How about that, huh?

How about that?

I got them. I got them. I got her
fingerprint.

On that silver cigarette case.

Oh, pretty slick, huh?

Now, all I got to do is take this down
to the police station and compare these

with Madam X's.

I'll go get my coat on. All right.

that with her bare hands and didn't
leave a print on it.

How about that?

Honey, I'm late for the club already.
I'll see you later. Ricky, have you got

your silver cigarette case?

No. Why?

Well, I left it right here someplace and
I just can't understand... Ethel swiped

your cigarette case.

She really...

Now, we got to do something about this.
Well, I don't know what you're going to

do, but I got to go. Good night, honey.
Listen, Ricky, now I got an idea.

I'm going to call Ethel and I'm going to
tell her that I'm going to take the

baby over to Mrs. Trumbull's apartment
and that I'm going down to the club with

you tonight.

Why? Well, that way she'll think the
apartment is empty and if she wants to

really rob it, she can.

And then I'll hide in here and I'll
catch her red -handed and maybe I can

her out of this life of crime.

Oh, now, look, honey, why don't you get
a good...

all these crazy schemes. They're not
crazy schemes. Yes, they are.

Now, good night, dear.

Good night, dear.

were thinking of dropping over again
tonight, I just wanted you to know that

wouldn't be home.

Why, Ethel, mercy.

were. I was?

How'd you get that idea?

Where'd you get the idea I was?

Mrs. Trumbull said she saw you sneaking
out of our apartment carrying one of

Fred's suits.

Oh, that was for a model. Ricky was
going to give Fred a suit for his

was played by Elizabeth Patterson. Madam
X was Alice Will, and the policeman was

Alan Jenkins.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back
next week at this same time.

This is the CBS Television Network.