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Captioning made possible
By mgm home entertainment
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Oliver: ♪ green acres
Is the place to be ♪
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♪ farm livin' is
The life for me ♪
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♪ land spreadin'
Out so far and wide ♪
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♪ keep manhattan, just
Give me that countryside ♪
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Lisa: ♪ new york ♪
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♪ is where I'd rather stay ♪
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♪ I get allergic ♪
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♪ smelling hay ♪
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♪ I just adore a
Penthouse view ♪
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♪ darling, I love you ♪
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♪ but give me park avenue ♪
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♪ the chores ♪
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♪ the stores ♪
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♪ fresh air ♪
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♪ times square ♪
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♪ you are my wife ♪
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♪ good-bye, city life ♪
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Both: ♪ green acres,
We are there ♪
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Alf: where'll we put it, ralph?
21
00:01:30,975 --> 00:01:32,707
How about right here?
22
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Yeah, I guess everybody
Could see it there.
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00:01:47,858 --> 00:01:49,391
What's the matter?
24
00:01:49,459 --> 00:01:51,104
The monroe brothers
Are hammering.
25
00:01:51,128 --> 00:01:53,248
Will you stop that hammering?!
26
00:01:57,968 --> 00:01:59,234
Cut it out!
27
00:01:59,303 --> 00:02:01,047
Did you hear something?
28
00:02:01,071 --> 00:02:02,004
Like what?
29
00:02:02,072 --> 00:02:03,183
Like mr. Douglas.
30
00:02:03,207 --> 00:02:04,907
Nah, he's asleep.
31
00:02:18,989 --> 00:02:20,767
What do you
Suppose is doing that?
32
00:02:20,791 --> 00:02:22,624
Termites. Heh!
33
00:02:22,693 --> 00:02:24,793
You'd better go take a look.
34
00:02:30,467 --> 00:02:33,668
Oh, for cryin' out loud.
35
00:02:33,737 --> 00:02:36,504
Darling, if you are going
Outside to yell at them,
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00:02:36,573 --> 00:02:38,006
You'd better put on your robe.
37
00:02:44,248 --> 00:02:46,215
Now look at... Howdy doody.
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00:02:46,283 --> 00:02:48,616
Don't howdy doody in our closet.
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00:02:48,685 --> 00:02:49,784
Sorry.
40
00:02:49,854 --> 00:02:51,231
What's going on out there?
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00:02:51,255 --> 00:02:52,687
Alf's puttin' up a sign.
42
00:02:52,756 --> 00:02:53,800
What kind of a sign?
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00:02:53,824 --> 00:02:55,157
A sign saying that him and me
44
00:02:55,226 --> 00:02:56,725
Are remodeling your bedroom.
45
00:02:56,793 --> 00:03:00,128
Well, I don't want
A sign on the house.
46
00:03:00,197 --> 00:03:01,808
Tell him to take it down.
47
00:03:01,832 --> 00:03:02,965
Yes, sir.
48
00:03:03,033 --> 00:03:06,001
Oh, is, uh, hanky
Comin' over today?
49
00:03:06,070 --> 00:03:07,110
Hanky?
50
00:03:07,171 --> 00:03:08,581
Hank kimball, the county agent.
51
00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:09,838
Oh.
52
00:03:09,907 --> 00:03:12,707
Yes, he's coming over to discuss
53
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Irrigating my corn.
54
00:03:14,278 --> 00:03:16,945
Why do you want to
Irritate your corn?
55
00:03:17,014 --> 00:03:20,382
Irrigate. It's, uh...
To put water on it.
56
00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:22,517
Well, won't that irritate it?
57
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No, it doesn't.
58
00:03:23,687 --> 00:03:25,031
What time is he comin' over?
59
00:03:25,055 --> 00:03:26,699
I don't know.
Sometime this morning.
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00:03:26,723 --> 00:03:27,901
Can I borrow your lipstick?
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00:03:27,925 --> 00:03:29,005
No!
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00:03:29,059 --> 00:03:30,993
I'm talking to mrs. Douglas.
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00:03:31,061 --> 00:03:32,961
Yes. What color would you like?
64
00:03:33,030 --> 00:03:36,298
Well, uh, what do you think
Would look good on me?
65
00:03:36,367 --> 00:03:38,700
Well, I think for
Your complexion
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00:03:38,769 --> 00:03:40,602
Maybe... Maybe a tangerine red
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00:03:40,670 --> 00:03:42,470
Or a very soft pink.
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00:03:42,539 --> 00:03:45,707
How about an unemployment blue?
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00:03:45,776 --> 00:03:48,110
Now you get out there
And tell your brother
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00:03:48,178 --> 00:03:49,555
To take that sign down.
71
00:03:49,579 --> 00:03:50,913
Yes, sir.
72
00:03:50,981 --> 00:03:53,360
How did I ever let
Myself get involved
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00:03:53,384 --> 00:03:56,018
Letting these 2
Rebuild this room?
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00:03:56,086 --> 00:03:58,031
Sorehead wants the sign down.
75
00:03:58,055 --> 00:03:59,432
What for? I don't know.
76
00:03:59,456 --> 00:04:00,588
I ain't takin' it down.
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00:04:00,657 --> 00:04:02,235
He's talking about unemployment.
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00:04:02,259 --> 00:04:03,825
I'm takin' it down.
79
00:04:11,302 --> 00:04:12,901
Sign's down.
80
00:04:12,970 --> 00:04:15,570
But you made a hole in the wall.
81
00:04:15,639 --> 00:04:17,183
Want me to put the sign back up?
82
00:04:17,207 --> 00:04:20,075
No. Repair the hole.
And while we're about it,
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00:04:20,144 --> 00:04:21,888
There are several
Other things I want done.
84
00:04:21,912 --> 00:04:23,211
Like what?
85
00:04:23,280 --> 00:04:24,724
Like finishing the bedroom.
86
00:04:24,748 --> 00:04:25,926
What's wrong with it?
87
00:04:25,950 --> 00:04:27,460
I've told you a dozen times.
88
00:04:27,484 --> 00:04:28,917
Oh, we don't take notes.
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00:04:28,986 --> 00:04:30,485
Well, make some.
90
00:04:30,554 --> 00:04:32,665
I'll get a hunk of paper.
91
00:04:32,689 --> 00:04:34,156
You don't happen
To know what time
92
00:04:34,224 --> 00:04:35,735
Mr. Kimball's comin'
Over today, do you?
93
00:04:35,759 --> 00:04:37,092
No, I don't.
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00:04:37,161 --> 00:04:39,428
I'll get you your lipstick.
95
00:04:39,496 --> 00:04:41,441
I got the paper. Shoot.
96
00:04:41,465 --> 00:04:43,465
Don't tempt me.
97
00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:45,300
Now, first of all...
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00:04:45,369 --> 00:04:46,546
Here's your lipstick.
99
00:04:46,570 --> 00:04:47,735
Oh.
100
00:04:47,804 --> 00:04:49,471
Oh, it's a pretty shade.
101
00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:51,306
Do you mind?
102
00:04:51,375 --> 00:04:53,541
First of all, the closet door.
103
00:04:53,610 --> 00:04:54,809
What about it?
104
00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:57,312
Well, don't you
See the way it falls
105
00:04:57,381 --> 00:04:58,546
When you open it?
106
00:04:58,615 --> 00:05:00,648
Oh, you want it to
Fall the other way.
107
00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:04,419
No, I don't want
It to fall at all.
108
00:05:04,488 --> 00:05:07,055
One closet door not to
Fall in either direction.
109
00:05:07,124 --> 00:05:08,723
Check.
110
00:05:08,792 --> 00:05:11,126
And I want the
Fireplace finished.
111
00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:14,229
One fireplace finished.
112
00:05:14,298 --> 00:05:16,476
Uh, how do you
Spell "Fireplace"?
113
00:05:16,500 --> 00:05:17,599
Uh, f-I...
114
00:05:17,667 --> 00:05:19,401
I don't care how you spell it.
115
00:05:19,470 --> 00:05:20,847
I just don't want
To make any mistakes
116
00:05:20,871 --> 00:05:22,248
And throw you into another rage.
117
00:05:22,272 --> 00:05:24,406
I'm not in a rage! Ah-ah.
118
00:05:25,709 --> 00:05:27,009
And another thing...
119
00:05:27,077 --> 00:05:29,511
I want a wall in the
Back of the closet.
120
00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:33,181
A wall on the
Back of the closet?
121
00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:35,817
I guess it's a fetish with him.
122
00:05:35,886 --> 00:05:37,652
Gets pretty hot around
Here in the summer.
123
00:05:37,721 --> 00:05:39,799
With the wall out, you'd
Get a good cross ventilation.
124
00:05:39,823 --> 00:05:41,289
If it gets hot,
125
00:05:41,358 --> 00:05:43,325
I'll put in an air conditioner.
126
00:05:43,394 --> 00:05:45,427
One air conditioner. Check!
127
00:05:45,496 --> 00:05:47,496
No, no! I don't want
You to put it in!
128
00:05:47,564 --> 00:05:49,431
Oh. Scratch the air conditioner.
129
00:05:49,500 --> 00:05:51,011
Scratchin' one air conditioner.
130
00:05:51,035 --> 00:05:52,712
How do you spell "Scratch"?
131
00:05:52,736 --> 00:05:54,202
Uh, s-k...
132
00:05:54,271 --> 00:05:56,505
I don't know how you...
133
00:05:56,573 --> 00:05:58,473
Look, just get all
These things done!
134
00:05:58,542 --> 00:06:00,208
Right? Right!
135
00:06:01,412 --> 00:06:02,844
I wonder if hanky is that cranky
136
00:06:02,913 --> 00:06:04,046
In the morning.
137
00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:06,192
Are you sweet on mr. Kimball?
138
00:06:09,719 --> 00:06:11,420
Oh, listen to that, will you?
139
00:06:11,488 --> 00:06:13,533
She sounds like a rusty saw
Going through a knothole.
140
00:06:13,557 --> 00:06:14,789
Alf!
141
00:06:14,858 --> 00:06:16,536
You hit me, and I'll tell
Mom, and you'll get it.
142
00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:18,038
Now, don't be mean
To your sister,
143
00:06:18,062 --> 00:06:19,705
Even though she is your brother.
144
00:06:19,729 --> 00:06:21,229
You'd think she
Could find somebody
145
00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:22,597
Better than that kimball.
146
00:06:22,666 --> 00:06:24,610
I wouldn't want a guy like
That for a brother-in-law.
147
00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:25,811
What's wrong with him?
148
00:06:25,835 --> 00:06:27,536
You ever listen to
The way he talks?
149
00:06:27,604 --> 00:06:29,804
"Good mornin'. Well,
It's not a good mornin'.
150
00:06:29,873 --> 00:06:31,639
"Well, it's not a
Bad mornin', either.
151
00:06:31,708 --> 00:06:33,875
It's, uh..." drivin' me nuts.
152
00:06:33,944 --> 00:06:36,144
Come on, darling.
153
00:06:36,213 --> 00:06:38,713
Now, don't pay any
Attention to him.
154
00:06:38,782 --> 00:06:40,726
I was the only one in our family
155
00:06:40,750 --> 00:06:42,128
Who liked mr. Douglas.
156
00:06:42,152 --> 00:06:44,086
Well, hanky is no mr. Douglas.
157
00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:46,433
How serious are
You about mr. Kimball?
158
00:06:46,457 --> 00:06:47,822
I'm gonna marry him.
159
00:06:47,891 --> 00:06:50,024
Of course, he don't know it yet.
160
00:06:50,094 --> 00:06:51,704
Well, that's the best way.
161
00:06:51,728 --> 00:06:52,838
Mr. Douglas didn't know
162
00:06:52,862 --> 00:06:54,240
That I was going to marry him
163
00:06:54,264 --> 00:06:55,975
Till we went to
The license bureau.
164
00:06:55,999 --> 00:06:57,310
He thought I was going to get
165
00:06:57,334 --> 00:06:58,766
A driver's license.
166
00:06:58,835 --> 00:07:00,780
But then I explained it to him
167
00:07:00,804 --> 00:07:02,949
That the driver's
License cost $5,
168
00:07:02,973 --> 00:07:05,051
And the marriage
License cost $2,
169
00:07:05,075 --> 00:07:07,509
So if he marries
Me, he'll save $3.
170
00:07:07,578 --> 00:07:09,755
And then, of course,
I could drive his car.
171
00:07:09,779 --> 00:07:11,446
That was very smart.
172
00:07:11,515 --> 00:07:13,326
You can always appeal to a man
173
00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:14,660
Through his pocketbook.
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00:07:14,684 --> 00:07:16,017
Oh.
175
00:07:34,804 --> 00:07:36,316
Howdy doody, mr. Kimball.
176
00:07:36,340 --> 00:07:38,473
Howdy doody, mr. Kimball.
177
00:07:38,542 --> 00:07:40,008
Oh, good morning.
178
00:07:40,076 --> 00:07:42,010
Well, it's not a good morning.
179
00:07:42,078 --> 00:07:43,545
It's not a bad morning, either.
180
00:07:43,614 --> 00:07:45,147
It's more of a, uh...
181
00:07:45,215 --> 00:07:47,015
Where'd you get the fat lip?
182
00:07:47,083 --> 00:07:48,950
Run into a door or somethin'?
183
00:07:49,019 --> 00:07:50,352
You seen mr. Douglas around?
184
00:07:50,420 --> 00:07:51,831
Yeah, he's in the house.
185
00:07:51,855 --> 00:07:53,021
Oh, thank you.
186
00:08:02,132 --> 00:08:03,331
Heh heh heh.
187
00:08:16,613 --> 00:08:18,246
Ah, mr. Kimball. Good morning.
188
00:08:18,315 --> 00:08:20,649
Ah, mr. Douglas, sir.
I, uh, brought over
189
00:08:20,717 --> 00:08:23,285
Some pamphlets on
Irritating your corn.
190
00:08:24,655 --> 00:08:26,932
That's a little joke
The chief made up.
191
00:08:26,956 --> 00:08:28,601
Well, he didn't make it up,
192
00:08:28,625 --> 00:08:30,102
But his wife probably...
193
00:08:30,126 --> 00:08:32,071
No, he could have made it up.
194
00:08:32,095 --> 00:08:34,006
He says some funny
Things sometimes.
195
00:08:34,030 --> 00:08:36,064
I'm sure he does. Come
On in. Have a cup of coffee.
196
00:08:36,132 --> 00:08:37,432
Oh, thank you. Yes.
197
00:08:37,501 --> 00:08:38,800
Oh, I beg your...
198
00:08:38,868 --> 00:08:40,768
Did you want something?
199
00:08:40,837 --> 00:08:42,136
No.
200
00:08:42,206 --> 00:08:44,339
Say, you'd better put a
Little bandage on that.
201
00:08:49,980 --> 00:08:51,858
You sure wasted
A lot of lipstick.
202
00:08:51,882 --> 00:08:53,359
He didn't even notice you.
203
00:08:53,383 --> 00:08:55,249
Well, don't worry. He will.
204
00:08:59,406 --> 00:09:02,123
Now, as the bulletin
Clearly states...
205
00:09:02,192 --> 00:09:04,559
Well, it doesn't clearly state.
206
00:09:04,627 --> 00:09:06,427
It kind of hints that
There are 3 methods
207
00:09:06,496 --> 00:09:08,462
For irrigating... Corn.
208
00:09:08,531 --> 00:09:10,498
The first is...
209
00:09:12,268 --> 00:09:13,534
Mr. Kimball,
210
00:09:13,603 --> 00:09:15,682
Would you like to have
Some more what's-it?
211
00:09:15,706 --> 00:09:18,673
Oh, no, thank you. This is fine.
212
00:09:18,742 --> 00:09:21,409
Well, it isn't fine.
213
00:09:21,477 --> 00:09:23,878
It's certainly got
A nice body to it.
214
00:09:23,947 --> 00:09:25,379
What is that?
215
00:09:25,448 --> 00:09:26,926
Well, we ran out of coffee,
216
00:09:26,950 --> 00:09:28,861
But I found a can on the shelf.
217
00:09:28,885 --> 00:09:29,818
Of what?
218
00:09:29,886 --> 00:09:31,030
Well, I don't know.
219
00:09:31,054 --> 00:09:32,665
It didn't have a label on it.
220
00:09:32,689 --> 00:09:33,689
Oh, well.
221
00:09:33,757 --> 00:09:36,357
Mr. Kimball, what
About the 3 methods?
222
00:09:36,426 --> 00:09:37,959
Of what?
223
00:09:38,028 --> 00:09:39,627
Of irrigating!
224
00:09:39,696 --> 00:09:43,198
Oh. Heh. Well, first
There's the furrow method.
225
00:09:43,266 --> 00:09:45,266
That's where they dig
Furrows between the corn
226
00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:47,736
And they fill it with
Water, and then the corn...
227
00:09:47,804 --> 00:09:49,964
Well, the corn knows
What to do with the water.
228
00:09:50,006 --> 00:09:51,940
Uh, mr. Kimball,
229
00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:54,075
You're not married, are you?
230
00:09:54,144 --> 00:09:57,078
Married? No, I
Don't believe I, uh...
231
00:09:57,147 --> 00:10:00,248
No, I guess I'm not. Now,
The second method...
232
00:10:00,316 --> 00:10:02,183
Do you have a steady girlfriend?
233
00:10:02,252 --> 00:10:03,752
Uh, no, I don't.
234
00:10:03,820 --> 00:10:04,953
Now, the second method
235
00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:06,988
Is known as the
Sprinkler system.
236
00:10:07,057 --> 00:10:10,591
You lay this pipe and you
Have these sprinklers,
237
00:10:10,660 --> 00:10:12,426
And these sprinklers go...
238
00:10:12,495 --> 00:10:15,029
Pshh! Pshh! Pshh!
239
00:10:16,967 --> 00:10:19,901
How come that a man
Who can imitate a sprinkler
240
00:10:19,970 --> 00:10:22,203
As well as you
Can isn't married?
241
00:10:22,272 --> 00:10:23,272
Well, I...
242
00:10:23,306 --> 00:10:24,239
Mr. Kimball,
243
00:10:24,307 --> 00:10:26,074
There are lots of lovely girls
244
00:10:26,143 --> 00:10:28,209
Who would make
You a wonderful wife.
245
00:10:28,278 --> 00:10:29,577
Howdy doody.
246
00:10:29,646 --> 00:10:31,323
What are you bringing that plank
247
00:10:31,347 --> 00:10:32,507
Through here for?
248
00:10:32,548 --> 00:10:34,816
She came to show
It to mr. Kimball.
249
00:10:34,885 --> 00:10:37,385
Oh, it's very nice, ralph.
250
00:10:37,453 --> 00:10:39,620
Would you like to have
A cup of coffee, ralph?
251
00:10:39,689 --> 00:10:43,491
I'd love some.
Would you hold this?
252
00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:44,670
Here, take it outside
253
00:10:44,694 --> 00:10:45,872
Where it belongs.
254
00:10:45,896 --> 00:10:46,961
Yes, sir.
255
00:10:47,030 --> 00:10:49,110
Good-bye, mr. Kimball. Ha ha.
256
00:10:51,168 --> 00:10:53,501
What was all that about?
257
00:10:53,569 --> 00:10:56,104
What was all what about?
258
00:10:56,173 --> 00:10:59,240
Isn't she a lovely
Girl, mr. Kimball?
259
00:10:59,309 --> 00:11:01,187
Lisa, could we get back
260
00:11:01,211 --> 00:11:03,289
To talking about irrigation?
261
00:11:03,313 --> 00:11:05,713
All right.
262
00:11:05,782 --> 00:11:06,981
Now,
263
00:11:07,050 --> 00:11:08,850
The, uh, third method
264
00:11:08,919 --> 00:11:11,719
Is one that was used by
Farmers for generations.
265
00:11:11,788 --> 00:11:13,654
It's known as rain.
266
00:11:13,723 --> 00:11:15,423
Rain?
267
00:11:15,491 --> 00:11:17,058
Yes, that's that stuff
268
00:11:17,127 --> 00:11:18,893
That comes out of
Those dark, black clouds.
269
00:11:18,962 --> 00:11:20,761
I know about...
270
00:11:20,831 --> 00:11:22,763
Oh, look who is here
Carrying a ladder.
271
00:11:22,833 --> 00:11:25,733
Ralph, the unmarried
Lady carpenter.
272
00:11:25,802 --> 00:11:27,001
Mr. Kimball,
273
00:11:27,070 --> 00:11:29,348
Is there anything
You'd like to climb?
274
00:11:29,372 --> 00:11:31,039
Well, no, I...
275
00:11:31,107 --> 00:11:33,341
Well, why don't you?
It's good exercise.
276
00:11:33,409 --> 00:11:35,910
Ralph, would you take the ladder
277
00:11:35,979 --> 00:11:37,378
Out of here, please?
278
00:11:37,447 --> 00:11:38,679
Yes, sir.
279
00:11:41,017 --> 00:11:42,383
For you.
280
00:11:43,954 --> 00:11:45,153
Thank you.
281
00:11:47,257 --> 00:11:49,390
Some man is going
To be very lucky
282
00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:51,226
Marrying a lady carpenter
283
00:11:51,294 --> 00:11:54,062
Who can fix things
Around the house.
284
00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:55,674
Lisa, will you stop trying
285
00:11:55,698 --> 00:11:57,376
To promote a romance?
286
00:11:57,400 --> 00:12:00,701
A romance? I
Mean, between, um...
287
00:12:00,770 --> 00:12:02,904
And me? Heh heh.
288
00:12:02,973 --> 00:12:04,405
Well, I, uh,
289
00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:06,975
Think I'd better
Be moseying along.
290
00:12:07,043 --> 00:12:09,210
Well, not moseying.
I'd better be running.
291
00:12:09,279 --> 00:12:11,746
Ohh, you stay, mr. Kimball.
292
00:12:11,814 --> 00:12:13,814
I want to talk to
You face to face.
293
00:12:13,884 --> 00:12:14,815
Lisa.
294
00:12:14,885 --> 00:12:16,517
What do you think of ralph?
295
00:12:16,586 --> 00:12:18,130
Oh, I think he's a very nice...
296
00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:19,254
Or, she's a...
297
00:12:19,322 --> 00:12:21,256
Do you mind if I ask you
A personal question?
298
00:12:21,324 --> 00:12:22,324
No.
299
00:12:22,359 --> 00:12:24,092
Do you have a new
Suit for the wedding?
300
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:25,493
Wedding?
301
00:12:25,561 --> 00:12:27,762
Lisa, if he wants to marry her,
302
00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:28,975
He'll ask her himself.
303
00:12:28,999 --> 00:12:31,077
He will? I'll tell her!
304
00:12:31,101 --> 00:12:32,767
Wait a minute. Wait.
305
00:12:32,835 --> 00:12:34,936
But she's a very nice girl.
306
00:12:35,005 --> 00:12:37,638
Girl? It's kind of hard
To think of ralph as a...
307
00:12:37,707 --> 00:12:39,640
Well, it's not
Hard. It's impossible.
308
00:12:39,709 --> 00:12:42,443
Have you ever seen her
With her overalls off?
309
00:12:42,512 --> 00:12:44,845
Lisa.
310
00:12:44,915 --> 00:12:48,049
I mean, with her
Dress on instead.
311
00:12:48,118 --> 00:12:50,118
Oh, I would imagine
She'd look, uh...
312
00:12:50,186 --> 00:12:51,685
No, I don't think she would.
313
00:12:51,754 --> 00:12:53,687
But how would I introduce
Her to my friends?
314
00:12:53,756 --> 00:12:55,623
I mean, how can I
Explain to people
315
00:12:55,691 --> 00:12:57,725
That I'm going with
A girl named ralph?
316
00:12:57,794 --> 00:12:59,638
Well, if that's the only thing
317
00:12:59,662 --> 00:13:01,573
That stands in the
Way of romance,
318
00:13:01,597 --> 00:13:03,064
I'll fix it.
319
00:13:03,133 --> 00:13:05,333
So, it will be a wonderful idea
320
00:13:05,402 --> 00:13:07,146
If we change your name.
321
00:13:07,170 --> 00:13:08,970
Change my name? Yes.
322
00:13:09,039 --> 00:13:10,271
What's wrong with monroe?
323
00:13:10,340 --> 00:13:12,051
No, no, no. The other name.
324
00:13:12,075 --> 00:13:14,309
Oh. Oh, he doesn't like ralph?
325
00:13:14,377 --> 00:13:15,377
No.
326
00:13:15,445 --> 00:13:17,545
Well, it has been
Kind of a handicap.
327
00:13:17,613 --> 00:13:19,147
Every time I have a blind date,
328
00:13:19,215 --> 00:13:21,182
A girl shows up.
329
00:13:21,251 --> 00:13:23,195
Then you will change your name.
330
00:13:23,219 --> 00:13:24,852
Sure, but how do I do it?
331
00:13:24,921 --> 00:13:26,666
Oh, I'll take care of it.
332
00:13:26,690 --> 00:13:27,888
Change her name?
333
00:13:27,958 --> 00:13:29,057
Yes, darling.
334
00:13:29,125 --> 00:13:30,336
You learned how to do that
335
00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:31,971
In harvard's law school.
336
00:13:31,995 --> 00:13:33,527
Yeah, among other things.
337
00:13:33,596 --> 00:13:34,840
Well, then you'll do it?
338
00:13:34,864 --> 00:13:37,165
What do you want to
Change your name to?
339
00:13:37,233 --> 00:13:38,933
How about imogene?
340
00:13:39,002 --> 00:13:41,402
No. How about henrietta?
341
00:13:41,471 --> 00:13:42,603
No, no.
342
00:13:42,672 --> 00:13:43,737
How about irving?
343
00:13:45,108 --> 00:13:48,176
Oh, no, no. I got an
Aunt named irving.
344
00:13:48,244 --> 00:13:50,544
Oh, I know. My
All-time favorite...
345
00:13:50,613 --> 00:13:52,447
Sophia loren.
346
00:13:52,515 --> 00:13:54,635
That's lovely. Sophia.
347
00:13:56,252 --> 00:13:58,619
Sophia monroe.
348
00:14:00,156 --> 00:14:01,968
The petitioner wishes
To change his name
349
00:14:01,992 --> 00:14:03,657
From ralph to sophia?
350
00:14:03,726 --> 00:14:05,159
That's right, your honor.
351
00:14:05,228 --> 00:14:07,061
The petition clearly suggests
352
00:14:07,130 --> 00:14:08,130
That the petitioner...
353
00:14:08,198 --> 00:14:09,908
Is ralph monroe in court?
354
00:14:09,932 --> 00:14:11,866
Uh, yes, your honor.
355
00:14:11,934 --> 00:14:14,668
Please, madam, let
Him answer for himself.
356
00:14:14,737 --> 00:14:16,537
Your honor, uh, let me explain.
357
00:14:16,606 --> 00:14:18,172
She is answering for himse...
358
00:14:18,241 --> 00:14:19,474
Uh, her-herself.
359
00:14:19,542 --> 00:14:22,610
You see, he... Uh,
She is ralph monroe.
360
00:14:22,678 --> 00:14:24,945
Oh, I see.
361
00:14:25,015 --> 00:14:26,514
Well, you see, your honor,
362
00:14:26,582 --> 00:14:28,316
Ralph wants to change her name
363
00:14:28,385 --> 00:14:30,084
Because she's in
Love with this fellow,
364
00:14:30,153 --> 00:14:31,919
And he doesn't want to marry her
365
00:14:31,988 --> 00:14:34,389
Because he says when
2 people get married,
366
00:14:34,457 --> 00:14:36,991
One of them should be a girl.
367
00:14:37,060 --> 00:14:38,326
May I point out,
368
00:14:38,395 --> 00:14:40,461
The circumstances
Are clearly outlined
369
00:14:40,530 --> 00:14:41,662
In the petition.
370
00:14:41,731 --> 00:14:43,309
Yes, it's very well written.
371
00:14:43,333 --> 00:14:44,465
Oh, thank you.
372
00:14:44,534 --> 00:14:46,479
Uh, mr. Douglas, I don't believe
373
00:14:46,503 --> 00:14:48,447
I've ever seen you
In my court before.
374
00:14:48,471 --> 00:14:49,670
Uh, no, sir,
375
00:14:49,739 --> 00:14:51,406
I've only practiced in new york.
376
00:14:51,474 --> 00:14:53,707
Oh, new york.
377
00:14:53,776 --> 00:14:55,143
Yes, sir.
378
00:14:55,211 --> 00:14:57,189
Counselor, if you
Had taken the trouble
379
00:14:57,213 --> 00:14:59,713
To find out, our
State does not have
380
00:14:59,782 --> 00:15:02,028
A reciprocal agreement
With new york state.
381
00:15:02,052 --> 00:15:03,751
Therefore, your credentials
382
00:15:03,819 --> 00:15:04,897
Are not acceptable.
383
00:15:04,921 --> 00:15:06,654
Your are not authorized
384
00:15:06,722 --> 00:15:08,822
To practice law in this state.
385
00:15:08,891 --> 00:15:10,425
Well, but, your honor...
386
00:15:10,493 --> 00:15:12,826
The petition is denied.
387
00:15:12,895 --> 00:15:15,263
Does that mean I can't
Get my name changed?
388
00:15:15,331 --> 00:15:17,009
If you get an accredited lawyer
389
00:15:17,033 --> 00:15:18,199
To file for you.
390
00:15:18,268 --> 00:15:20,701
Well, I don't want an
Accredited lawyer.
391
00:15:20,770 --> 00:15:22,836
I want mr. Douglas!
392
00:15:22,905 --> 00:15:24,338
Ohh!
393
00:15:24,407 --> 00:15:26,907
Oh, now you see
What you've done?
394
00:15:26,976 --> 00:15:29,009
You made her cry. Ohh.
395
00:15:29,079 --> 00:15:30,119
Order.
396
00:15:30,180 --> 00:15:32,780
Madame, may I remind you
397
00:15:32,848 --> 00:15:34,560
You're in a court of a law?
398
00:15:34,584 --> 00:15:36,295
I could fine you for contempt.
399
00:15:36,319 --> 00:15:37,251
Your honor, my wife didn't...
400
00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:39,353
Oh, darling! Don't hit him.
401
00:15:39,422 --> 00:15:40,555
Hit me?
402
00:15:40,623 --> 00:15:42,223
Like he hit the other judge
403
00:15:42,292 --> 00:15:43,791
When he was yelling at me.
404
00:15:43,859 --> 00:15:45,560
You hit a judge?
405
00:15:45,628 --> 00:15:47,027
I didn't hit him.
406
00:15:47,097 --> 00:15:49,730
No, I was reaching
Across. He leaned forward.
407
00:15:49,799 --> 00:15:51,510
Well, his nose was bleeding.
408
00:15:51,534 --> 00:15:53,134
Lisa, please!
409
00:15:53,203 --> 00:15:55,323
Mr. Douglas, if you would like
410
00:15:55,371 --> 00:15:57,316
To practice law in this state,
411
00:15:57,340 --> 00:15:59,452
You'll have to take
Our bar examination.
412
00:15:59,476 --> 00:16:01,609
Your honor, I took
The exam in new york.
413
00:16:01,677 --> 00:16:03,422
Then you shouldn't
Have too much trouble
414
00:16:03,446 --> 00:16:04,479
Passing ours.
415
00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:06,780
When do I get my name changed?
416
00:16:06,849 --> 00:16:09,584
As soon as I pass the bar exam.
417
00:16:09,652 --> 00:16:11,085
if you pass.
418
00:16:11,154 --> 00:16:13,421
Court dismissed.
419
00:16:15,658 --> 00:16:17,492
Hit a judge, eh?
420
00:16:29,038 --> 00:16:31,038
You were an
Attorney in new york?
421
00:16:31,107 --> 00:16:32,217
That's right.
422
00:16:32,241 --> 00:16:34,208
Care to tell me why
You were disbarred?
423
00:16:34,276 --> 00:16:37,177
I was not disbarred.
424
00:16:37,246 --> 00:16:39,680
Well, you try hittin'
A judge in this state...
425
00:16:39,749 --> 00:16:42,182
I did not hit a judge.
426
00:16:42,251 --> 00:16:44,752
Look, all I want to do
Is to take the bar exam.
427
00:16:44,821 --> 00:16:47,354
What college did
You graduate from?
428
00:16:47,423 --> 00:16:48,355
Harvard.
429
00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:49,790
Oh?
430
00:16:49,859 --> 00:16:52,927
Well, I've got a directory
Here somewhere
431
00:16:52,996 --> 00:16:55,930
Of all the accredited colleges.
432
00:16:55,999 --> 00:16:58,565
Certainly you don't
Have to look up harvard.
433
00:16:58,635 --> 00:17:02,770
How do I know there
Is such a school?
434
00:17:02,839 --> 00:17:04,549
Well, take my word for it.
435
00:17:04,573 --> 00:17:05,873
Oh, here it is.
436
00:17:05,942 --> 00:17:09,309
"Harvard school of chiropody"?
437
00:17:09,378 --> 00:17:11,679
Sorry, that won't
Qualify you for...
438
00:17:11,748 --> 00:17:13,092
There's another one there.
439
00:17:13,116 --> 00:17:15,116
There is? Oh, yes.
440
00:17:15,184 --> 00:17:17,584
"Harvard school of hypnotism."
441
00:17:17,654 --> 00:17:19,920
If you think you're
Gonna hypnotize me...
442
00:17:19,989 --> 00:17:22,123
Here. "Harvard university."
443
00:17:22,191 --> 00:17:24,525
Oh. New school?
444
00:17:26,562 --> 00:17:28,863
No, it's one of the
Oldest in the country.
445
00:17:28,931 --> 00:17:31,132
It's graduated
Supreme court justices,
446
00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:32,967
Senators, presidents.
447
00:17:33,036 --> 00:17:34,535
Harvard, huh?
448
00:17:34,603 --> 00:17:36,804
Well, I guess we
Can accept them.
449
00:17:36,873 --> 00:17:40,440
Thank you. Now, when
Could I take this exam?
450
00:17:40,509 --> 00:17:43,144
Well, I reckon we can arrange
451
00:17:43,212 --> 00:17:45,345
For you to take it in september.
452
00:17:45,414 --> 00:17:46,747
September?
453
00:17:46,816 --> 00:17:48,315
Well, I don't think
You'll be ready
454
00:17:48,384 --> 00:17:50,584
To take the one that's
Coming up next week.
455
00:17:50,653 --> 00:17:52,586
Oh, I think I could.
456
00:17:52,655 --> 00:17:53,854
All right.
457
00:17:53,923 --> 00:17:56,523
Next week at the state capital.
458
00:17:56,592 --> 00:18:00,360
Meantime, fill out
This application,
459
00:18:00,429 --> 00:18:02,763
Get a transcript of
Your school credits,
460
00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:04,498
And a letter of reference
461
00:18:04,567 --> 00:18:06,300
From your old law firm.
462
00:18:06,368 --> 00:18:07,579
All right. Thank you.
463
00:18:07,603 --> 00:18:09,403
And, uh, one more thing.
464
00:18:09,471 --> 00:18:13,207
Where a short-sleeve
Shirt for the exam.
465
00:18:13,275 --> 00:18:14,308
What?
466
00:18:14,376 --> 00:18:16,043
That way there'll be no question
467
00:18:16,112 --> 00:18:18,512
About writin' on the cuffs.
468
00:18:32,195 --> 00:18:33,694
Oh, mr. Douglas.
469
00:18:33,763 --> 00:18:35,440
Not now, mr. Haney.
I'm in a hurry.
470
00:18:35,464 --> 00:18:38,398
I heard you was tryin'
To get un-disbarred.
471
00:18:38,467 --> 00:18:39,667
Un-disba...
472
00:18:39,702 --> 00:18:42,402
You never should
Have hit the governor.
473
00:18:42,471 --> 00:18:44,872
It was a judge, and
It was an accident.
474
00:18:44,941 --> 00:18:46,741
How bad was his arm broke?
475
00:18:46,809 --> 00:18:48,653
It was his nose, and
It just bled a little.
476
00:18:48,677 --> 00:18:50,222
Now, I've got to
Send a telegram.
477
00:18:50,246 --> 00:18:52,679
Need some help with
Your application?
478
00:18:52,749 --> 00:18:54,615
Need some pencils? No.
479
00:18:54,683 --> 00:18:55,928
Pens? No.
480
00:18:55,952 --> 00:18:57,017
Short sleeve shirts?
481
00:18:57,086 --> 00:18:59,987
Mr. Haney, I don't
Want to buy anything
482
00:19:00,056 --> 00:19:01,421
You have to sell.
483
00:19:05,427 --> 00:19:07,862
Sure hope he passes...
484
00:19:07,930 --> 00:19:12,499
Or I'll be stuck with this
Four-dollar sign I made.
485
00:19:12,568 --> 00:19:13,500
Telegram, huh?
486
00:19:13,569 --> 00:19:14,835
Yes.
487
00:19:14,904 --> 00:19:18,639
Let me see if I
Can find a blank.
488
00:19:18,707 --> 00:19:20,040
Uh, where's this goin'?
489
00:19:20,109 --> 00:19:22,087
New york city...
My old law firm.
490
00:19:22,111 --> 00:19:24,779
Oh, how do they feel
About you being disbarred?
491
00:19:24,847 --> 00:19:28,115
Mr. Drucker, I
Was not disbarred.
492
00:19:28,184 --> 00:19:29,116
Here we are.
493
00:19:29,185 --> 00:19:31,263
Hi, sam. Hi, mr. Douglas.
494
00:19:31,287 --> 00:19:33,053
Hi, joe. Hello, mr. Carson.
495
00:19:33,122 --> 00:19:34,362
Now, the telegram...
496
00:19:34,390 --> 00:19:36,090
You got any pipe tobacco, sam?
497
00:19:36,159 --> 00:19:37,159
Uh, yeah.
498
00:19:37,193 --> 00:19:38,926
Fill this pipe.
499
00:19:38,995 --> 00:19:42,062
Joe, I can't open a
Package for one pipeful.
500
00:19:42,131 --> 00:19:43,964
You gotta buy the whole thing.
501
00:19:44,033 --> 00:19:45,199
How much is it?
502
00:19:45,268 --> 00:19:46,600
15 cents.
503
00:19:46,669 --> 00:19:48,869
You a pipe smoker, mr. Douglas?
504
00:19:48,938 --> 00:19:50,771
Uh, no, I don't smoke.
505
00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:51,939
Like to learn?
506
00:19:52,008 --> 00:19:53,707
Look, mr. Carson,
507
00:19:53,776 --> 00:19:56,410
I'm trying to send
A telegram here.
508
00:19:56,478 --> 00:19:57,577
Anybody I know?
509
00:19:57,646 --> 00:19:59,113
I don't think so.
510
00:19:59,182 --> 00:20:01,182
Now, who's the
Telegram goin' to?
511
00:20:01,250 --> 00:20:04,351
The telegram is going
To felton, o'connell, clay,
512
00:20:04,420 --> 00:20:07,087
Blakely, harmon,
Dillon and pastor.
513
00:20:07,156 --> 00:20:09,423
425 south madison avenue.
514
00:20:09,491 --> 00:20:11,011
All them fellers live together?
515
00:20:12,295 --> 00:20:14,061
Must be a pretty
Big boardin' house.
516
00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:15,963
Joe!
517
00:20:16,032 --> 00:20:17,131
Sorry.
518
00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:19,433
Now, the message is,
519
00:20:19,501 --> 00:20:21,568
"Kindly send resumé
520
00:20:21,637 --> 00:20:24,305
"Of my legal
Experience with firm.
521
00:20:24,373 --> 00:20:26,185
"Also would
Appreciate transcript
522
00:20:26,209 --> 00:20:28,475
"Of my scholastic
Credits at harvard.
523
00:20:28,544 --> 00:20:31,312
Need them for state bar exam."
524
00:20:32,581 --> 00:20:34,181
Did you go to harvard?
525
00:20:34,250 --> 00:20:35,582
Ah, yes.
526
00:20:35,651 --> 00:20:38,185
Like to take a look at my corns?
527
00:20:38,254 --> 00:20:39,519
What?
528
00:20:39,588 --> 00:20:41,255
Ah, don't tell me you forgot
529
00:20:41,324 --> 00:20:43,123
All that chiropody you studied.
530
00:20:43,192 --> 00:20:45,692
Mr. Carson, I studied
531
00:20:45,761 --> 00:20:47,873
At the harvard school of law.
532
00:20:47,897 --> 00:20:49,308
Now, mr. Drucker,
533
00:20:49,332 --> 00:20:50,675
Will you get that right off?
534
00:20:50,699 --> 00:20:52,044
I'll be glad to. Thank you.
535
00:20:52,068 --> 00:20:53,400
And good luck
With your bar exams.
536
00:20:53,469 --> 00:20:54,668
Thank you very much.
537
00:20:54,737 --> 00:20:56,514
If you pass, I got a
Case you can handle...
538
00:20:56,538 --> 00:20:57,582
I'm suin' the government.
539
00:20:57,606 --> 00:20:59,673
What for, nonsupport?
540
00:20:59,742 --> 00:21:02,109
Mr. Carson, if I
Pass my bar exam,
541
00:21:02,178 --> 00:21:04,845
I'll be glad to handle
Your case for you.
542
00:21:06,916 --> 00:21:09,083
Wonder why he was disbarred.
543
00:21:12,021 --> 00:21:13,465
Can I sharpen your pencil?
544
00:21:13,489 --> 00:21:15,356
No, no, it's all right.
Thank you very much.
545
00:21:15,424 --> 00:21:17,369
Well, is there anything
I can do for you?
546
00:21:17,393 --> 00:21:18,325
Thank you, no.
547
00:21:18,394 --> 00:21:20,494
Are you going to
Stay up all night?
548
00:21:20,562 --> 00:21:23,230
Lisa, I've got to be left alone.
549
00:21:23,299 --> 00:21:25,499
I've only got a week
To bone up on this exam.
550
00:21:25,567 --> 00:21:28,369
That's very nice of
You to do this for ralph.
551
00:21:28,437 --> 00:21:30,004
Oh, I'm not doing it for ralph.
552
00:21:30,072 --> 00:21:31,549
Well, then why are you doing it?
553
00:21:31,573 --> 00:21:33,651
While I was in court today,
It suddenly occurred to me
554
00:21:33,675 --> 00:21:36,476
That I miss practicing law.
555
00:21:36,545 --> 00:21:38,123
You want to go back to new york?
556
00:21:38,147 --> 00:21:39,380
No.
557
00:21:39,448 --> 00:21:41,148
But I thought it might be nice
558
00:21:41,217 --> 00:21:42,682
To practice law out here.
559
00:21:42,751 --> 00:21:43,918
You know, in new york,
560
00:21:43,986 --> 00:21:45,986
Uh, my practice was
Mainly corporational.
561
00:21:46,055 --> 00:21:47,988
That's big business.
But out here,
562
00:21:48,057 --> 00:21:49,823
I'd be dealing with the people.
563
00:21:49,892 --> 00:21:52,092
The same kind of law that
Abraham lincoln practiced...
564
00:21:52,161 --> 00:21:54,361
Country law. Grass roots law.
565
00:21:54,430 --> 00:21:56,730
The little cases that
You never seen a law book,
566
00:21:56,799 --> 00:21:58,399
But they get into
The bulk of the...
567
00:21:58,467 --> 00:22:00,245
Darling, are you going to make
568
00:22:00,269 --> 00:22:01,713
One of those long speeches?
569
00:22:01,737 --> 00:22:02,747
Because if you do,
570
00:22:02,771 --> 00:22:04,216
You won't have time to study.
571
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:05,906
Out! Out!
572
00:22:24,393 --> 00:22:26,671
Darling, good luck
With your exam.
573
00:22:26,695 --> 00:22:28,095
Thank you, thank you.
574
00:22:28,164 --> 00:22:29,741
Oh, don't... Wait a moment.
575
00:22:29,765 --> 00:22:31,076
I have a surprise for you.
576
00:22:31,100 --> 00:22:32,333
I made it myself.
577
00:22:32,401 --> 00:22:33,401
What is this?
578
00:22:33,469 --> 00:22:35,314
A shirt sleeve
Shorts for the exam.
579
00:22:35,338 --> 00:22:36,370
A shirt sleeve...
580
00:22:36,439 --> 00:22:38,839
Yes, I made it out
Of your best shirt.
581
00:22:38,907 --> 00:22:41,275
I appreciate that.
582
00:22:55,124 --> 00:22:57,324
Oh, darling, it's beautiful.
583
00:22:57,393 --> 00:22:59,071
Yeah, I practically stole it
584
00:22:59,095 --> 00:23:01,061
From haney for $15.
585
00:23:01,130 --> 00:23:03,108
I'm gonna put it on
The front porch.
586
00:23:03,132 --> 00:23:04,631
Oh, it's going to be very nice.
587
00:23:04,700 --> 00:23:06,266
Was the exam hard?
588
00:23:06,335 --> 00:23:08,695
Oh, there were a couple
Of tricky questions.
589
00:23:09,671 --> 00:23:11,005
Howdy doody.
590
00:23:12,274 --> 00:23:14,308
I thought I told
You to fix that.
591
00:23:14,377 --> 00:23:16,510
Well, never mind. Look,
We can go to court
592
00:23:16,578 --> 00:23:17,822
Any time you're ready now.
593
00:23:17,846 --> 00:23:18,857
What for?
594
00:23:18,881 --> 00:23:19,891
Change your name.
595
00:23:19,915 --> 00:23:21,460
I don't want to change my name.
596
00:23:21,484 --> 00:23:23,350
Well, what about mr. Kimball?
597
00:23:23,419 --> 00:23:24,562
What about him?
598
00:23:24,586 --> 00:23:26,920
Is he going to marry
You named ralph?
599
00:23:26,989 --> 00:23:29,267
Oh. Oh, I broke off
The engagement
600
00:23:29,291 --> 00:23:30,702
Before it even got started.
601
00:23:30,726 --> 00:23:32,270
I found myself a new fella.
602
00:23:32,294 --> 00:23:33,372
He's a mechanic
603
00:23:33,396 --> 00:23:35,073
Over at the crabwell
Corners garage.
604
00:23:35,097 --> 00:23:36,908
Want to meet him?
He's right outside.
605
00:23:36,932 --> 00:23:38,665
Yes.
606
00:23:38,734 --> 00:23:40,834
Come on in, honey.
607
00:23:43,272 --> 00:23:46,240
May I present my
Fiancé mr. Betts?
608
00:23:46,308 --> 00:23:47,374
Evelyn, this is...
609
00:23:47,443 --> 00:23:49,009
Evelyn?
610
00:23:49,078 --> 00:23:51,145
Evelyn betts.
611
00:23:51,213 --> 00:23:53,047
Darling, isn't that nice?
612
00:23:53,115 --> 00:23:54,681
Evelyn and ralph.
613
00:23:54,750 --> 00:23:58,318
They got the right names,
But in different clothes.
614
00:24:09,198 --> 00:24:10,897
Ooh.
615
00:24:10,966 --> 00:24:12,899
Lisa.
616
00:24:12,968 --> 00:24:14,368
I can't open the door.
617
00:24:14,437 --> 00:24:15,902
I know. It's locked.
618
00:24:15,971 --> 00:24:17,003
Well, open it.
619
00:24:17,073 --> 00:24:19,639
I don't know whether
I should or shouldn't.
620
00:24:19,708 --> 00:24:21,241
Why not?
621
00:24:21,310 --> 00:24:22,820
Well, your lawyer's license
622
00:24:22,844 --> 00:24:24,611
Isn't any good in this state.
623
00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:27,147
How do I know that
Our marriage license is?
624
00:24:29,918 --> 00:24:33,687
Of course, if you
Want to take an exam...
625
00:24:33,755 --> 00:24:35,456
Well...
626
00:24:35,524 --> 00:24:37,191
If I have to.
627
00:24:52,808 --> 00:24:55,775
Captioning made possible
By mgm home entertainment
628
00:24:58,647 --> 00:25:01,648
Captioned by the national
Captioning institute... Www.Ncicap.Org...
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