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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:10,110 --> 00:00:12,977 Captioning made possible By mgm home entertainment 2 00:00:24,625 --> 00:00:28,760 Oliver: ♪ green acres Is the place to be ♪ 3 00:00:28,828 --> 00:00:32,597 ♪ farm livin' is The life for me ♪ 4 00:00:32,666 --> 00:00:36,701 ♪ land spreadin' Out so far and wide ♪ 5 00:00:36,770 --> 00:00:40,438 ♪ keep manhattan, just Give me that countryside ♪ 6 00:00:40,507 --> 00:00:42,140 Lisa: ♪ new york ♪ 7 00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:44,543 ♪ is where I'd rather stay ♪ 8 00:00:44,611 --> 00:00:48,713 ♪ I get allergic smelling hay ♪ 9 00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:52,217 ♪ I just adore a Penthouse view ♪ 10 00:00:52,286 --> 00:00:53,763 ♪ darling, I love you ♪ 11 00:00:53,787 --> 00:00:55,467 ♪ but give me park avenue ♪ 12 00:00:58,124 --> 00:00:59,924 ♪ the chores ♪ 13 00:00:59,993 --> 00:01:01,959 ♪ the stores ♪ 14 00:01:02,028 --> 00:01:03,795 ♪ fresh air ♪ 15 00:01:03,863 --> 00:01:04,974 ♪ times square ♪ 16 00:01:04,998 --> 00:01:06,565 ♪ you are my wife ♪ 17 00:01:06,633 --> 00:01:08,444 ♪ good-bye, city life ♪ 18 00:01:08,468 --> 00:01:12,003 Both: ♪ green acres, We are there ♪ 19 00:01:30,224 --> 00:01:31,367 What you got there? 20 00:01:31,391 --> 00:01:33,069 The new phone book. I Just finished printing them. 21 00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:34,992 Ahh. Let me see one of them. 22 00:01:35,061 --> 00:01:36,628 My name ain't in here. 23 00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:38,641 Right there it Is. "Smoot, floyd." 24 00:01:38,665 --> 00:01:40,265 My name is floyd smoot. 25 00:01:40,334 --> 00:01:42,334 You printed it backwards again. 26 00:01:42,402 --> 00:01:43,335 Floyd... 27 00:01:43,403 --> 00:01:45,083 They did the same thing to you. 28 00:01:45,138 --> 00:01:46,738 You're "Pratt, charley." 29 00:01:46,806 --> 00:01:48,306 Floyd, that's the way you... 30 00:01:48,375 --> 00:01:50,052 Well, good morning, gentlemen. 31 00:01:50,076 --> 00:01:51,008 Morning, mr. Douglas. 32 00:01:51,077 --> 00:01:52,555 Morning. Hey, mr. Douglas. 33 00:01:52,579 --> 00:01:54,056 Sam, I want this changed. 34 00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:55,280 It can't be changed. 35 00:01:55,349 --> 00:01:57,215 It can, too. Can't It, mr. Douglas? 36 00:01:57,284 --> 00:01:58,961 Huh? What's wrong, mr. Smoot? 37 00:01:58,985 --> 00:02:00,051 That's what's wrong. 38 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:03,221 I'm not mr. Smoot Anymore. I'm mr. Floyd. 39 00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:04,689 What? 40 00:02:04,758 --> 00:02:06,858 The new phone Book just came out. 41 00:02:06,926 --> 00:02:09,728 Yeah, they put all The names backwards. 42 00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:12,664 See? "Smoot, floyd." 43 00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:14,009 Well, that's the Way they print them. 44 00:02:14,033 --> 00:02:16,212 Alphabetically. Makes it easier to find. 45 00:02:16,236 --> 00:02:17,836 I don't know how You figure that. 46 00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:19,937 If a man is lookin' For floyd smoot, 47 00:02:20,006 --> 00:02:22,874 He don't look up smoot floyd. 48 00:02:22,942 --> 00:02:25,410 Oh, by the way, Congratulations, mr. Douglas. 49 00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:27,078 What for? 50 00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:29,381 For your new listing. 51 00:02:29,449 --> 00:02:32,250 Oh! "Douglas, oliver wendell." 52 00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:34,185 Attorney-at-law? 53 00:02:34,254 --> 00:02:36,821 Shouldn't that be "Law-at-attorney"? 54 00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:40,158 Who put this in, Attorney-at-law? 55 00:02:40,226 --> 00:02:42,894 Your wife did. She gave me An extra 15 cents for that. 56 00:02:42,962 --> 00:02:44,396 I'll pay you a quarter 57 00:02:44,464 --> 00:02:46,424 If you change my name Back to floyd smoot. 58 00:02:47,267 --> 00:02:48,700 Will you be quiet? 59 00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:51,102 Look, mr. Drucker, if It's all the same to you, 60 00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:53,971 I'd just as soon not be Listed as attorney-at-law. 61 00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:56,007 Now, is there any Way we can remove it? 62 00:02:56,075 --> 00:02:57,509 Not in this edition. 63 00:02:57,577 --> 00:02:59,289 I'd be glad to leave It out of the next one. 64 00:02:59,313 --> 00:03:01,157 Oh, when does that come out? 65 00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,481 Uh, 1972. 66 00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:22,567 Lisa, I want to talk to you. 67 00:03:22,636 --> 00:03:24,369 Uh... What are you doing? 68 00:03:24,438 --> 00:03:27,572 Separating the Whites from the jokes. 69 00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:30,041 Separating? I'm making a cake. 70 00:03:30,109 --> 00:03:33,044 Darling, would you Please put this in the oven? 71 00:03:33,112 --> 00:03:34,045 In the oven? 72 00:03:34,113 --> 00:03:36,153 Yes. The cookbook Says that the oven 73 00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:40,051 Should be heated To 325 degrees "F." 74 00:03:40,119 --> 00:03:41,239 This is a fever thermometer. 75 00:03:41,287 --> 00:03:43,555 Well, that's what An "F" stands for. 76 00:03:43,623 --> 00:03:47,425 No, no. "F" stands For fahrenheit. 77 00:03:47,494 --> 00:03:52,564 When a person is sick, then... 78 00:03:52,632 --> 00:03:54,131 What are you doing? 79 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:57,969 Like the book said, I'm shifting the flour. 80 00:03:58,037 --> 00:04:00,905 Sifting. There's no "H" in it. 81 00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:02,841 How do you zift? 82 00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:05,276 There's no "Z" in it, either. 83 00:04:05,345 --> 00:04:06,878 Come over here, will you please? 84 00:04:06,946 --> 00:04:08,413 I want to talk to You. Now sit down. 85 00:04:08,482 --> 00:04:10,515 What is it? Sit down. 86 00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:12,617 Now, I came home to ask you 87 00:04:12,686 --> 00:04:15,553 Why you put this In the phone book. 88 00:04:15,622 --> 00:04:17,856 "Douglas, oliver wendell." 89 00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:19,602 They always put it Backwards. You see? 90 00:04:19,626 --> 00:04:21,959 "Smoot, floyd. Pratt, charley." 91 00:04:22,028 --> 00:04:24,407 When you look up a Name, it's easier that way. 92 00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:25,363 I understand that. 93 00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:27,209 Then what's the problem? 94 00:04:27,233 --> 00:04:28,600 I want to know why 95 00:04:28,668 --> 00:04:31,269 You listed me as An attorney-at-law. 96 00:04:31,337 --> 00:04:34,171 Do you know how to fold an egg? 97 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:36,474 I asked you a question. 98 00:04:36,543 --> 00:04:39,477 What was it? How do you fold... 99 00:04:39,546 --> 00:04:42,113 Why did you list me As attorney-at-law? 100 00:04:42,181 --> 00:04:44,649 You always had it listed That way in new york 101 00:04:44,718 --> 00:04:46,662 And it only cost 15 cents more, so I... 102 00:04:46,686 --> 00:04:48,865 I didn't want it listed that way In the hooterville directory. 103 00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:49,987 Why not? 104 00:04:50,056 --> 00:04:52,690 Because I didn't come Out here to practice law. 105 00:04:52,759 --> 00:04:55,794 Maybe alice would Know how to fold an egg. 106 00:04:55,862 --> 00:04:57,729 Alice? 107 00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:59,431 Well, she's a chicken. 108 00:05:00,567 --> 00:05:02,199 Why don't you ask her? 109 00:05:02,268 --> 00:05:03,935 Where is she? 110 00:05:04,003 --> 00:05:06,771 Aww, now... Look, Let me explain to you 111 00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:08,306 Why I don't want To be in the book. 112 00:05:08,374 --> 00:05:10,809 Up to now, I've Soft-pedaled the fact 113 00:05:10,877 --> 00:05:12,043 That I'm an attorney. 114 00:05:12,111 --> 00:05:13,923 Now that it's in the book, Everybody in the valley 115 00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:15,947 Will be calling me, wanting Me to represent them, 116 00:05:16,015 --> 00:05:17,427 I won't have any Time to do my farming! 117 00:05:17,451 --> 00:05:18,571 Well, I am... 118 00:05:18,618 --> 00:05:20,463 No, look, the phone will Be going day and night. 119 00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:22,921 I'll be up and down that Pole every 5 minutes. 120 00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:24,767 Why don't you call The phone company 121 00:05:24,791 --> 00:05:26,424 And get an unlisted pole? 122 00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:31,028 They don't have unlisted poles. 123 00:05:31,097 --> 00:05:34,198 I am sorry, darling, but It does look so pretty. 124 00:05:34,267 --> 00:05:35,199 Yes, but... 125 00:05:35,268 --> 00:05:36,548 And you are pretty, too. 126 00:05:36,603 --> 00:05:38,135 Now, don't try to get around me. 127 00:05:38,204 --> 00:05:40,905 You shouldn't have done That without asking me. 128 00:05:40,974 --> 00:05:43,207 All right, when the Phone rings, you answer it. 129 00:05:43,276 --> 00:05:45,844 Don't bother me. And Just tell whoever it is 130 00:05:45,912 --> 00:05:47,579 That I'm not interested In practicing law. 131 00:05:47,647 --> 00:05:49,881 Maybe it's something important. 132 00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:51,983 I came out here to get away 133 00:05:52,051 --> 00:05:53,585 From people and Their legal problems. 134 00:05:53,653 --> 00:05:55,319 I just want to be a farmer. 135 00:05:55,388 --> 00:05:57,266 All right, you'll be a farmer, 136 00:05:57,290 --> 00:05:59,201 And I'll be a cake maker. 137 00:05:59,225 --> 00:06:00,892 Fine! 138 00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:04,028 Do you think I could use a book? 139 00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:05,296 What for? 140 00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:07,665 To put the egg In it and fold it. 141 00:06:13,272 --> 00:06:15,707 Ralph, darling! 142 00:06:15,775 --> 00:06:17,274 Howdy doody. 143 00:06:17,343 --> 00:06:20,211 Hey, what are you doing? 144 00:06:20,279 --> 00:06:21,491 Alf: playing casino. 145 00:06:21,515 --> 00:06:24,048 Playing casino? Well, that's very nice, 146 00:06:24,117 --> 00:06:25,984 But you're supposed to Be building the bedroom! 147 00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:27,719 I'm building eights. 148 00:06:28,989 --> 00:06:30,454 I'm building tens. 149 00:06:30,524 --> 00:06:33,157 Well, I'm not paying You to play cards. 150 00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:34,804 The only reason we stopped work 151 00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:36,372 Is 'cause the new Phone book came out. 152 00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:38,897 What is this, some kind Of holiday around here? 153 00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:40,376 What's the phone book got to... 154 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,833 Oh, darling, excuse me. 155 00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:44,468 Ralph, darling, do you Know how to fold an egg? 156 00:06:44,538 --> 00:06:47,104 Into what? 157 00:06:47,173 --> 00:06:49,073 A cake. 158 00:06:49,142 --> 00:06:51,342 Oh, no, I only took Woodshop in school. 159 00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:52,844 I never took cookin'. 160 00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:55,279 I did. What do you want to know? 161 00:06:55,348 --> 00:06:57,615 I want to know why You're not working! 162 00:06:57,684 --> 00:06:58,761 We explained that to you. 163 00:06:58,785 --> 00:07:00,530 It's 'cause of the New phone book. 164 00:07:00,554 --> 00:07:02,031 I don't see the connection! 165 00:07:02,055 --> 00:07:03,833 Well, you're listed as a lawyer. 166 00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:04,789 Yes. 167 00:07:04,858 --> 00:07:06,002 So we thought Maybe you'd want us 168 00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:08,693 To add an office Onto the bedroom. 169 00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:09,827 No, I don't. 170 00:07:09,896 --> 00:07:12,163 We can build a lawyer Stand right near the road. 171 00:07:12,231 --> 00:07:14,532 I have... A lawyer stand? 172 00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:16,034 Yeah. That's just Like a fruit stand 173 00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:17,435 Except you sell law. 174 00:07:17,503 --> 00:07:19,415 You see what you've done? 175 00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,017 They want to build Me a lawyer stand, 176 00:07:21,041 --> 00:07:22,251 The phone is ringing Every minute... 177 00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:23,340 It hasn't rung once. 178 00:07:23,409 --> 00:07:24,642 Don't worry, it will. 179 00:07:24,711 --> 00:07:27,244 Now, you get back to work. 180 00:07:29,683 --> 00:07:32,183 Alf, darling, do you really Know how to fold an egg? 181 00:07:32,251 --> 00:07:34,786 Yes, ma'am. I got B+ in egg-foldin'. 182 00:07:34,854 --> 00:07:36,253 Come with me! 183 00:07:37,557 --> 00:07:39,023 Morning, counselor! 184 00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:40,903 Oh, you saw the phone book. 185 00:07:40,927 --> 00:07:42,994 Yes, sir. It's the biggest Thing that's happened 186 00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:44,796 In the valley since The mail order catalog 187 00:07:44,864 --> 00:07:48,332 Came out with the men's Underwear ads in full color. 188 00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:50,802 Well, I bet that Was a big event. 189 00:07:50,870 --> 00:07:52,169 They closed the schools. 190 00:07:52,238 --> 00:07:53,537 Oh, come on. 191 00:07:53,607 --> 00:07:55,573 They had to. It was saturday. 192 00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:57,809 Eb, please. 193 00:07:57,877 --> 00:07:58,810 What are you doing? 194 00:07:58,878 --> 00:08:00,277 I'm fixing the wheel. 195 00:08:00,346 --> 00:08:01,479 What are you doing that for 196 00:08:01,547 --> 00:08:03,067 If you're going back Into law practice? 197 00:08:03,116 --> 00:08:04,048 Look, I'm not... 198 00:08:04,117 --> 00:08:05,661 Glad to hear you've Come to your senses, 199 00:08:05,685 --> 00:08:08,052 Giving up farming to do Something you know how to do. 200 00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:10,722 I am not going back Into law practice. 201 00:08:10,790 --> 00:08:13,491 Then why did you spend 15 cents to get listed? 202 00:08:13,559 --> 00:08:16,427 Mrs. Douglas did That. I wish she hadn't. 203 00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,307 That phone will Be ringing all day. 204 00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:19,530 Get any calls yet? 205 00:08:19,599 --> 00:08:22,634 No, but it won't be long. 206 00:08:25,639 --> 00:08:28,039 There! That fixes it. 207 00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:29,373 What was wrong with it? 208 00:08:29,442 --> 00:08:31,320 Oh, every time I Went over a bump 209 00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:34,112 The wheel would come Off in my hands like... 210 00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:37,481 This stupid tractor! 211 00:08:37,550 --> 00:08:38,850 I wouldn't yell At it if I was... 212 00:08:38,918 --> 00:08:42,253 I'll yell at it if I want to! 213 00:08:42,321 --> 00:08:44,122 It's very sensitive. 214 00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:47,058 It always used to do that When mr. Haney yelled at it. 215 00:08:47,127 --> 00:08:51,129 It's about time I started Yelling at mr. Haney. 216 00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:52,197 Mr. Haney... 217 00:08:52,265 --> 00:08:54,832 Oh, you drove your Tractor over here! 218 00:08:54,901 --> 00:08:57,301 That's a good idea, taking The steering wheel off 219 00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,037 So's nobody can steal it. 220 00:08:59,105 --> 00:09:00,905 Steal it? Anybody Wants to steal that 221 00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:02,640 They're welcome to it. 222 00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:05,029 Oh, I guess you Won't be needing it 223 00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:07,089 Now that you've given up farming 224 00:09:07,113 --> 00:09:08,345 To practice law. 225 00:09:08,414 --> 00:09:09,480 Mr. Haney, I... 226 00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:11,193 I saw your listing In the phone book. 227 00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:12,695 No matter what you saw Listed in the phone book, 228 00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:14,085 I am not practicing law. 229 00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:15,931 Then why are the monroe brothers 230 00:09:15,955 --> 00:09:17,566 Building you a law office? 231 00:09:17,590 --> 00:09:19,123 They're not building Me a law office 232 00:09:19,192 --> 00:09:20,591 Or a lawyer's stand. 233 00:09:20,660 --> 00:09:21,937 What's that? 234 00:09:21,961 --> 00:09:26,564 It's like a fruit stand Except you sell law. 235 00:09:26,632 --> 00:09:28,066 I never heard of that. 236 00:09:28,134 --> 00:09:29,845 Did you have one Of them in new york? 237 00:09:29,869 --> 00:09:30,935 No, I didn't. 238 00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:32,247 I came over here To talk to you... 239 00:09:32,271 --> 00:09:33,949 Got it right here! Come on. 240 00:09:33,973 --> 00:09:35,484 Be careful through here. 241 00:09:35,508 --> 00:09:36,508 Yes, it's... 242 00:09:36,542 --> 00:09:38,253 Don't step on that accordion. 243 00:09:40,646 --> 00:09:44,982 There. It's a frame For your di-ploma. 244 00:09:45,051 --> 00:09:46,450 I don't need a frame... 245 00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:48,664 It matches the rest of the set. 246 00:09:48,688 --> 00:09:49,921 What set? 247 00:09:49,989 --> 00:09:53,991 This here genuine lawyer's desk. 248 00:09:54,060 --> 00:09:56,438 Once the property Of one of the greatest 249 00:09:56,462 --> 00:09:58,763 Legal minds in this country. 250 00:09:58,832 --> 00:10:01,365 You've heard of the Famous monkey trial? 251 00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:02,366 Yes. 252 00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:05,737 Just look at the Initials carved there. 253 00:10:05,805 --> 00:10:09,240 "C.D." are you trying to tell me 254 00:10:09,308 --> 00:10:12,210 That this desk once Belonged to clarence darrow? 255 00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:16,380 No, clyde dinglehoffer. 256 00:10:19,085 --> 00:10:21,853 Look, mr. Haney, I came Over here to ask you 257 00:10:21,921 --> 00:10:23,888 For my money back on That tractor you sold me. 258 00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:26,168 Well, what's wrong with it? 259 00:10:26,192 --> 00:10:28,192 What's wrong?! 260 00:10:28,261 --> 00:10:31,528 The steering wheel Came off for one thing! 261 00:10:31,597 --> 00:10:35,166 Oh, well, I can let you Have this one for $2.00. 262 00:10:35,235 --> 00:10:36,834 That's the one I brought over! 263 00:10:36,903 --> 00:10:39,436 Do I get my money back or not? 264 00:10:39,505 --> 00:10:40,582 Well, let's see now, 265 00:10:40,606 --> 00:10:42,517 How much did you Pay me for that? 266 00:10:42,541 --> 00:10:43,574 $75! 267 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:46,177 I'll tell you what I'll do. 268 00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:49,080 I can let you have $8.00 on that tractor 269 00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:51,849 Towards the purchase Of this magnificant 270 00:10:51,918 --> 00:10:55,887 Chair, desk, and di-ploma frame. 271 00:10:55,955 --> 00:11:00,024 Mr. Haney, I'm gonna Sue you for that tractor 272 00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:03,161 And for every bit of defective Equipment you've sold me. 273 00:11:03,229 --> 00:11:05,997 Mr. Douglas, do I detect a note 274 00:11:06,065 --> 00:11:07,843 Of disappointment in your voice? 275 00:11:07,867 --> 00:11:09,667 Yes, you do! 276 00:11:09,735 --> 00:11:12,436 Well, I don't want any Unhappy customers. 277 00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:15,907 If you'll just make out a List of your grievances... 278 00:11:15,975 --> 00:11:18,409 All right. I haven't got Anything to write with. 279 00:11:18,477 --> 00:11:20,389 Would you care to buy a pen? 280 00:11:20,413 --> 00:11:23,447 When I do make out my list, 281 00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:25,249 You'll find them In the complaint 282 00:11:25,318 --> 00:11:26,984 That I'm going to File with the court. 283 00:11:27,053 --> 00:11:30,321 Mr. Douglas! Where Did you park your car? 284 00:11:30,389 --> 00:11:31,689 Out in front of your house. 285 00:11:31,757 --> 00:11:33,836 Then I'll validate Your parking ticket. 286 00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:35,092 I haven't got one. 287 00:11:35,161 --> 00:11:38,963 Well, in that case, It'll be 15 cents. 288 00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,533 I'll just take this For my diploma. 289 00:11:42,601 --> 00:11:44,535 That'll bring us out even. 290 00:11:46,172 --> 00:11:49,373 He must've been Taking haney lessons. 291 00:12:01,504 --> 00:12:02,903 Hello, honey. 292 00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:04,617 Darling, where were You? I was looking for you. 293 00:12:04,641 --> 00:12:06,051 Oh, you got some Messages for me. 294 00:12:06,075 --> 00:12:07,085 I told you the phone... 295 00:12:07,109 --> 00:12:09,243 No phone calls, no messages. 296 00:12:09,312 --> 00:12:10,556 Oh, come on. There Must have been. 297 00:12:10,580 --> 00:12:11,512 No, the phone didn't ring. 298 00:12:11,581 --> 00:12:12,725 That's impossible. 299 00:12:12,749 --> 00:12:14,949 I thought you Didn't want it to ring. 300 00:12:15,017 --> 00:12:16,729 I didn't want it to, but You put that thing... 301 00:12:16,753 --> 00:12:18,252 Was that the telephone? 302 00:12:18,321 --> 00:12:21,522 No. Am I doing this right? 303 00:12:21,591 --> 00:12:22,802 I don't know. What Are you doing? 304 00:12:22,826 --> 00:12:24,826 This is going to Be a pound cake, 305 00:12:24,894 --> 00:12:26,828 And I'm trying to weigh It so it weighs a pound, 306 00:12:26,896 --> 00:12:29,063 But every time it Starts to weigh 2 pounds. 307 00:12:29,131 --> 00:12:31,532 That means the Bowl weighs 2 pounds. 308 00:12:31,601 --> 00:12:32,967 I never thought of that. 309 00:12:33,035 --> 00:12:35,147 Sure. If you want to Make a one-pound cake, 310 00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:36,849 You got to add enough Batter to the bowl 311 00:12:36,873 --> 00:12:38,884 So that the whole Thing weighs 3 pounds. 312 00:12:38,908 --> 00:12:42,142 For one pound cake? That doesn't make sense. 313 00:12:42,211 --> 00:12:43,723 It doesn't have to Be a one-pound cake. 314 00:12:43,747 --> 00:12:45,090 That's just the Name of the cake. 315 00:12:45,114 --> 00:12:47,259 You can make it weigh as Many pounds as you wish. 316 00:12:47,283 --> 00:12:49,784 Why aren't I as smart as you? 317 00:12:49,853 --> 00:12:52,152 You don't have to be Smart. You're pretty. 318 00:12:52,221 --> 00:12:53,866 Yep. Pretty smart? 319 00:12:53,890 --> 00:12:55,534 Nope. Smarter than you? 320 00:12:55,558 --> 00:12:58,793 Do you know how to fold an egg? 321 00:12:58,862 --> 00:13:00,094 No. 322 00:13:00,162 --> 00:13:02,730 I do. Alf taught me. 323 00:13:02,799 --> 00:13:05,633 You let an egg Fry for 10 minutes, 324 00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:07,502 When it gets hard, you fold it. 325 00:13:07,570 --> 00:13:10,538 I don't think that's The right way. 326 00:13:10,607 --> 00:13:13,007 Alf got b+ in egg folding. 327 00:13:13,075 --> 00:13:16,143 He probably Cheated on his exams. 328 00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:18,546 Was that the phone? 329 00:13:18,615 --> 00:13:20,481 I haven't heard anything. 330 00:13:21,618 --> 00:13:23,083 You sure? 331 00:13:23,152 --> 00:13:25,019 It didn't ring. 332 00:13:26,423 --> 00:13:27,955 It will. 333 00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:36,063 Who's there? 334 00:13:36,132 --> 00:13:38,032 Oh, come in. Hank kimball. 335 00:13:39,101 --> 00:13:41,235 Hello, mr. Douglas. 336 00:13:41,304 --> 00:13:43,070 Hey, your wife said You were in here. 337 00:13:43,139 --> 00:13:44,972 Well, she didn't say You were in here, 338 00:13:45,041 --> 00:13:47,475 She said you were out Here... Wherever you are. 339 00:13:47,544 --> 00:13:51,345 Whew. Say... 340 00:13:51,414 --> 00:13:53,848 This is quite a law Office you're building. 341 00:13:53,917 --> 00:13:56,818 Smart move, giving up Farming to practice law. 342 00:13:56,886 --> 00:13:58,531 I'm not giving up farming. 343 00:13:58,555 --> 00:14:00,187 Oh, then it isn't a Very smart move. 344 00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:02,790 It's a very... No, it Isn't that, either. 345 00:14:02,859 --> 00:14:04,959 What are you gonna Do with this law office? 346 00:14:05,027 --> 00:14:06,594 It's not a law office. 347 00:14:06,663 --> 00:14:08,395 Ohh! You going to practice law 348 00:14:08,465 --> 00:14:11,466 From one of those Roadside stands? 349 00:14:11,534 --> 00:14:13,868 I know a doctor over At steuben bluffs 350 00:14:13,937 --> 00:14:15,302 Has a doctor stand. 351 00:14:15,371 --> 00:14:16,671 Very interesting. 352 00:14:16,739 --> 00:14:20,908 What is? Oh, the doctor stand. 353 00:14:20,977 --> 00:14:24,879 Yes, on a sick day, he's Got cars piled up for miles. 354 00:14:24,948 --> 00:14:26,614 Well, not for miles. 355 00:14:26,683 --> 00:14:28,649 There was sure a lot Of them piled up, though. 356 00:14:28,718 --> 00:14:30,250 It was quite an accident. 357 00:14:30,319 --> 00:14:33,688 Lucky thing it happened Near the doctor stand. 358 00:14:33,756 --> 00:14:36,757 I suppose your phone's Been ringing all morning, too. 359 00:14:36,826 --> 00:14:37,959 Too? 360 00:14:38,027 --> 00:14:40,928 I paid for one of those Fancy listings like yours. 361 00:14:40,997 --> 00:14:42,964 Of course, mine didn't Say "Attorney-at-law." 362 00:14:43,032 --> 00:14:45,566 It said "Kimball, Hank... County agent." 363 00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:48,068 It's amazing how many People notice things like that. 364 00:14:48,137 --> 00:14:51,171 Last count, I had 87 calls. 365 00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:52,640 87?! 366 00:14:52,709 --> 00:14:54,309 Of course, that Doesn't count the 4 times 367 00:14:54,377 --> 00:14:55,821 The phone rang while I was in the bathtub. 368 00:14:55,845 --> 00:14:58,379 Or was it the shower? No, it was the bathtub. 369 00:14:58,447 --> 00:14:59,514 I don't have a shower. 370 00:14:59,582 --> 00:15:02,316 87 calls?! 371 00:15:02,385 --> 00:15:04,451 How many times did they Get you out of the shower? 372 00:15:04,521 --> 00:15:06,387 Or do you prefer a tub? 373 00:15:06,455 --> 00:15:08,022 It's interesting how many people 374 00:15:08,090 --> 00:15:10,024 Prefer a bathtub to a shower. 375 00:15:10,092 --> 00:15:11,692 Take my mother-in-law. 376 00:15:15,064 --> 00:15:15,997 Oh, the phone! 377 00:15:16,065 --> 00:15:17,231 What about it? 378 00:15:17,299 --> 00:15:19,567 It's ringing! 379 00:15:19,636 --> 00:15:21,869 I guess it's been doing That all morning, huh? 380 00:15:21,938 --> 00:15:24,739 Lucky thing you weren't In the shower or the tub 381 00:15:24,807 --> 00:15:26,173 Or whichever you prefer. 382 00:15:26,242 --> 00:15:27,842 Hello? 383 00:15:27,911 --> 00:15:30,578 Yes, this is mr. Douglas. 384 00:15:30,647 --> 00:15:35,215 Mr. Kiley? Oh, well... Yeah, you saw it, eh? 385 00:15:35,284 --> 00:15:38,819 Well, I really don't want To go back into law practice, 386 00:15:38,888 --> 00:15:42,790 But if I can be of Any assist... What? 387 00:15:45,562 --> 00:15:47,528 Mr. Kimball, it's for you. 388 00:15:47,597 --> 00:15:50,164 Oh, that makes 88. 389 00:15:50,232 --> 00:15:53,901 I had my mother transfer All my calls over here. 390 00:15:59,442 --> 00:16:00,808 Thank you. 391 00:16:02,144 --> 00:16:03,243 Hello? 392 00:16:03,312 --> 00:16:05,646 Yes, this is kimball, Hank, your county agent, 393 00:16:05,715 --> 00:16:07,092 As listed in the latest edition 394 00:16:07,116 --> 00:16:10,718 Of the hooterville Telephone directory. Ha ha! 395 00:16:10,787 --> 00:16:13,788 Ahem. Yes, mr. Kiley? 396 00:16:13,856 --> 00:16:15,990 What? Oh, he did? 397 00:16:16,059 --> 00:16:17,903 Well, I suggest you come Over to the house tonight 398 00:16:17,927 --> 00:16:19,426 And I'll dictate a brief 399 00:16:19,495 --> 00:16:21,929 And we'll file suit first Thing tomorrow morning 400 00:16:21,998 --> 00:16:23,758 In the pixley superior court. 401 00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:24,977 Yeah. In the meantime, 402 00:16:25,001 --> 00:16:26,979 I wouldn't discuss The case with anyone. 403 00:16:27,003 --> 00:16:30,471 Bye-bye. Well, thank you. 404 00:16:30,539 --> 00:16:33,708 Wait a second. Were you Giving him legal advice? 405 00:16:33,776 --> 00:16:35,109 Legal advice? 406 00:16:35,177 --> 00:16:36,889 No, I wasn't giving Him legal advice. 407 00:16:36,913 --> 00:16:39,947 I was giving him... Yes, I guess I was. 408 00:16:40,016 --> 00:16:41,794 Well, thanks for The use of the phone. 409 00:16:41,818 --> 00:16:43,017 Oh, that's all right. 410 00:16:43,086 --> 00:16:44,763 Well, if I get any more calls, 411 00:16:44,787 --> 00:16:47,187 I'll be over at the crabwell Corners municipal court. 412 00:16:47,223 --> 00:16:48,634 I'm trying to get the judge 413 00:16:48,658 --> 00:16:50,435 To give me a change Of venue for... 414 00:16:50,459 --> 00:16:52,559 Venue's a legal Term. It means... 415 00:16:52,629 --> 00:16:55,195 I know what it Means! I studied law. 416 00:16:55,264 --> 00:16:56,731 Oh, hey, I forgot. 417 00:16:56,799 --> 00:16:59,100 Well, see you in court. 418 00:17:05,174 --> 00:17:08,509 Darling, will you help Me put this in the oven? 419 00:17:08,577 --> 00:17:11,679 What have you got in There, a turkey... Ooh! 420 00:17:11,748 --> 00:17:13,347 The cake! 421 00:17:13,415 --> 00:17:14,982 The pound cake? 422 00:17:15,051 --> 00:17:17,551 You told me it doesn't Have to be one pound, 423 00:17:17,620 --> 00:17:19,820 So I made it 20 pounds. 424 00:17:19,889 --> 00:17:23,223 You don't cook a cake in... 425 00:17:23,292 --> 00:17:25,192 Well, what difference Does it make? 426 00:17:25,261 --> 00:17:26,827 Open the oven. 427 00:17:28,597 --> 00:17:30,731 Why are you so grumpy? 428 00:17:32,168 --> 00:17:34,168 I am not grumpy! 429 00:17:34,236 --> 00:17:36,303 That was grumpy! 430 00:17:43,780 --> 00:17:45,846 Obviously you don't Want me to bake the cake. 431 00:17:45,915 --> 00:17:47,481 I don't care. 432 00:17:47,550 --> 00:17:50,017 You're grumpy at the Phone because it didn't ring. 433 00:17:50,086 --> 00:17:54,021 I'm not grumpy. Just disappointed. 434 00:17:54,090 --> 00:17:55,968 Now that everybody Knows that I'm a lawyer, 435 00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:57,903 You'd think that Somebody would call. 436 00:17:57,927 --> 00:18:00,795 But you don't want Anybody to call you. 437 00:18:00,863 --> 00:18:02,808 I know it, but now That it's in the book, 438 00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:05,399 It seems that... Was that the phone? 439 00:18:05,467 --> 00:18:07,301 I don't think so. 440 00:18:07,369 --> 00:18:09,203 Oh, your pride is hurt. 441 00:18:09,271 --> 00:18:10,771 Maybe it is. 442 00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:13,841 In new york, I Was in big demand. 443 00:18:13,910 --> 00:18:16,043 No! You want to go back? 444 00:18:16,112 --> 00:18:17,956 You want to kiss me? No! 445 00:18:19,315 --> 00:18:21,015 You want to answer the phone? 446 00:18:21,084 --> 00:18:22,583 No! 447 00:18:22,651 --> 00:18:24,085 It's ringing. 448 00:18:24,153 --> 00:18:26,687 The... The phone is ringing! 449 00:18:27,957 --> 00:18:29,802 Mr. Douglas, the Phone's ringing. 450 00:18:29,826 --> 00:18:31,325 I heard it! 451 00:18:31,393 --> 00:18:32,927 What? Eb: mr. Douglas! 452 00:18:32,995 --> 00:18:34,073 The phone's ringing. 453 00:18:34,097 --> 00:18:35,896 I know! Howdy doody! 454 00:18:35,965 --> 00:18:37,042 Oh, honey... Phone's ringing. 455 00:18:37,066 --> 00:18:38,599 I know! Let me by! 456 00:18:38,667 --> 00:18:39,678 I can't! I'm stuck! 457 00:18:42,438 --> 00:18:43,804 Ahh... 458 00:18:46,142 --> 00:18:47,252 Ain't you gonna Answer the phone? 459 00:18:47,276 --> 00:18:48,743 I'm trying to! 460 00:18:48,811 --> 00:18:50,189 Who was it? I don't know yet. 461 00:18:50,213 --> 00:18:51,145 The phone's still ringing. 462 00:18:51,214 --> 00:18:52,279 I know! 463 00:18:52,348 --> 00:18:54,626 Don't slam the door! You'll ruin the cake! 464 00:18:58,654 --> 00:19:00,054 Hello? 465 00:19:00,123 --> 00:19:02,089 Mr. Douglas? Yes. 466 00:19:02,158 --> 00:19:04,203 This is harry bleedswell Over at pixley. 467 00:19:04,227 --> 00:19:05,904 I just got my new phone book. 468 00:19:05,928 --> 00:19:07,628 I see you're an attorney. 469 00:19:07,696 --> 00:19:08,696 That's right. 470 00:19:08,765 --> 00:19:09,975 I'd like to come Over and talk to you. 471 00:19:09,999 --> 00:19:14,434 Well, perhaps I can squeeze You in later in the week. 472 00:19:14,503 --> 00:19:16,381 I thought maybe you Could make it today. 473 00:19:16,405 --> 00:19:17,449 It's very important. 474 00:19:17,473 --> 00:19:18,639 Well, uh... 475 00:19:18,707 --> 00:19:19,818 I'd appreciate It if you'd let me 476 00:19:19,842 --> 00:19:21,419 Come over in about an hour. 477 00:19:21,443 --> 00:19:24,678 You better make it half hour. 478 00:19:24,747 --> 00:19:26,380 Thank you. 479 00:19:27,516 --> 00:19:30,985 Lisa! I got my first case! 480 00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:40,727 Honey... 481 00:19:40,797 --> 00:19:43,097 Darling, would you Please help me close this? 482 00:19:43,166 --> 00:19:44,098 A little later, please. 483 00:19:44,167 --> 00:19:45,510 I want you to meet Mr. Bleedswell. 484 00:19:45,534 --> 00:19:46,867 He's the man who called me. 485 00:19:46,936 --> 00:19:48,803 My wife... Mrs. Douglas. 486 00:19:48,871 --> 00:19:49,970 Hello, mr. Bleedswell. 487 00:19:50,039 --> 00:19:51,116 How do you do? 488 00:19:51,140 --> 00:19:53,207 Sit down, please. We'll have some coffee. 489 00:19:53,276 --> 00:19:54,208 No, thank you. 490 00:19:54,277 --> 00:19:55,910 Would you like to Have a piece of cake? 491 00:19:55,978 --> 00:19:57,577 I have a whole oven full of it. 492 00:19:57,646 --> 00:19:58,578 No, I came just for business. 493 00:19:58,647 --> 00:20:00,614 Sit down. Thank you. 494 00:20:00,683 --> 00:20:02,683 Now, about your case... 495 00:20:02,751 --> 00:20:04,696 Well, it isn't exactly a case. 496 00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:05,886 Now, I'm the attorney. 497 00:20:05,955 --> 00:20:08,233 Please let me decide whether We've got a case or not. 498 00:20:08,257 --> 00:20:10,102 I'm with the pixley Chamber of commerce. 499 00:20:10,126 --> 00:20:11,892 Perhaps I'd better Take some notes. 500 00:20:11,961 --> 00:20:14,173 Oh, yes. Could I have a Pad and a pencil, please? 501 00:20:14,197 --> 00:20:15,129 Yes, darling. 502 00:20:15,198 --> 00:20:17,031 Uh, continue. 503 00:20:17,099 --> 00:20:19,178 Well, every year, we put on... 504 00:20:19,202 --> 00:20:20,534 Here you are, sweetheart. 505 00:20:20,602 --> 00:20:22,380 Thank you. Could you Do something with that? 506 00:20:22,404 --> 00:20:23,537 Yes, darling. 507 00:20:23,605 --> 00:20:24,638 Go ahead. 508 00:20:24,707 --> 00:20:26,819 Every year we have The pixley pageant. 509 00:20:26,843 --> 00:20:27,875 Pixley pageant. 510 00:20:27,944 --> 00:20:30,088 It's a big celebration. A parade and a picnic, 511 00:20:30,112 --> 00:20:31,690 And we put out a special Souvenir bulletin... 512 00:20:31,714 --> 00:20:32,947 Souvenir bulletin... 513 00:20:33,015 --> 00:20:34,815 Could we get to The point, please? 514 00:20:34,884 --> 00:20:36,929 I saw your name in the Phone book for the first time, 515 00:20:36,953 --> 00:20:38,463 And being as how You're new around here, 516 00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:40,132 I thought you'd like To take out an ad 517 00:20:40,156 --> 00:20:42,356 And let the folks know You're an attorney. 518 00:20:42,424 --> 00:20:44,358 An ad?! 519 00:20:44,426 --> 00:20:46,493 Is something burning? 520 00:20:46,562 --> 00:20:48,662 My husband. 521 00:20:48,731 --> 00:20:50,664 No, besides me. 522 00:20:53,535 --> 00:20:55,669 Oh, darling! My cake! 523 00:21:01,744 --> 00:21:02,676 Ooh! 524 00:21:02,745 --> 00:21:05,178 Darling, here, here. 525 00:21:06,349 --> 00:21:07,281 It's all right. 526 00:21:07,350 --> 00:21:09,361 My cake didn't burn too much. 527 00:21:09,385 --> 00:21:11,345 Something's still burning. 528 00:21:12,921 --> 00:21:15,021 My hat! 529 00:21:15,090 --> 00:21:17,858 Oh! I'm sorry! 530 00:21:20,463 --> 00:21:23,697 Oh, you're sorry? You ruined it! 531 00:21:23,766 --> 00:21:25,165 Ohh, of all the... 532 00:21:25,234 --> 00:21:27,401 Oh, all right, she Said she was sorry. 533 00:21:27,470 --> 00:21:28,813 Now, if you hadn't Said you had a case, 534 00:21:28,837 --> 00:21:29,770 This thing wouldn't Have happened. 535 00:21:29,838 --> 00:21:32,873 I never said I had a case! 536 00:21:36,279 --> 00:21:38,912 But I can say it now! 537 00:21:38,981 --> 00:21:42,383 Oh, you poor, poor fellow. 538 00:21:42,451 --> 00:21:44,951 Don't touch me! 539 00:21:45,020 --> 00:21:47,521 I ought to sue you For a burned hat... Ohh! 540 00:21:47,590 --> 00:21:49,323 And whatever I broke. 541 00:21:49,392 --> 00:21:51,124 Mr. Bleedswell! 542 00:21:51,193 --> 00:21:53,527 Mr. Bleedswell, please! 543 00:21:53,596 --> 00:21:55,429 Wait a minute! 544 00:21:57,667 --> 00:22:00,133 Oh, mr. Bleedswell. 545 00:22:00,202 --> 00:22:02,736 Here, let me help You. I'm so sorry. 546 00:22:02,805 --> 00:22:04,204 Are you hurt? 547 00:22:04,273 --> 00:22:06,640 Why don't you look... 548 00:22:11,514 --> 00:22:14,748 My car! Ooh! 549 00:22:14,817 --> 00:22:20,053 I'm suing him and you and you! 550 00:22:20,122 --> 00:22:24,090 And anybody else Who's around here! 551 00:22:24,159 --> 00:22:26,271 You just do that! Have Your attorney call me! 552 00:22:26,295 --> 00:22:29,262 I'm in the book! Douglas, oliver wendell! 553 00:22:33,936 --> 00:22:37,037 Ah, here it is. lawson v. Holmes. 554 00:22:37,105 --> 00:22:39,473 This is very similar To ralph's case. 555 00:22:39,542 --> 00:22:42,476 It seems that this workman Accidentally hit this... 556 00:22:42,545 --> 00:22:44,356 Then he can't sue ralph. 557 00:22:44,380 --> 00:22:47,013 Well, he could sue her, But with the defense 558 00:22:47,082 --> 00:22:48,226 I've got planned, it wouldn't... 559 00:22:48,250 --> 00:22:49,616 What about mr. Haney? 560 00:22:49,685 --> 00:22:51,719 Mr. Haney's all right, Because I remember a case 561 00:22:51,787 --> 00:22:53,354 In the new york supreme... 562 00:22:53,422 --> 00:22:54,521 My first cake. 563 00:22:56,425 --> 00:22:57,958 Yes, yes. 564 00:22:58,026 --> 00:23:00,060 You see, darling, How clever I was 565 00:23:00,128 --> 00:23:03,296 To put in the phone Book "Attorney-at-law"? 566 00:23:03,366 --> 00:23:06,500 Otherwise, the man wouldn't Have come over for an ad 567 00:23:06,569 --> 00:23:08,769 And nothing would Have happened to him 568 00:23:08,838 --> 00:23:11,938 And you wouldn't Have had 2 cases. 569 00:23:12,007 --> 00:23:14,808 Yes, that's one Way of looking at it. 570 00:23:14,877 --> 00:23:15,954 Here, have some cake. 571 00:23:15,978 --> 00:23:17,110 I'm not very... 572 00:23:17,179 --> 00:23:18,390 Come on, try it. 573 00:23:18,414 --> 00:23:21,314 Ahem. Heh heh. 574 00:23:30,893 --> 00:23:33,394 Oh, thank you. 575 00:23:33,462 --> 00:23:35,662 I was looking all over for that. 576 00:23:35,731 --> 00:23:39,032 Lisa, that could be Considered criminal negligence. 577 00:23:39,101 --> 00:23:42,335 There was a fella in boston Stuck his fork in a pie... 578 00:23:50,913 --> 00:23:53,514 So that's where that went. 579 00:23:53,582 --> 00:23:55,582 Yes, are you missing Anything else? 580 00:23:55,651 --> 00:23:58,184 I can't find the salt shaker. 581 00:23:59,354 --> 00:24:00,421 You... 582 00:24:05,461 --> 00:24:08,562 Oh. Thank you. 583 00:24:09,632 --> 00:24:11,498 What else? 584 00:24:11,567 --> 00:24:13,734 Well, one of my Earrings are missing. 585 00:24:13,803 --> 00:24:16,470 Your earrings. Well, I... 586 00:24:18,808 --> 00:24:19,740 This one? 587 00:24:19,809 --> 00:24:22,009 Yes, darling. Thank you. 588 00:24:23,178 --> 00:24:24,945 Anything else? 589 00:24:25,013 --> 00:24:26,914 The frying pan. 590 00:24:26,982 --> 00:24:29,015 Lisa, please! 591 00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:32,864 Well done, darling. You Can go ahead and eat it. 592 00:24:32,888 --> 00:24:34,287 There's only cake left. 593 00:24:34,356 --> 00:24:35,489 I'm not hungry. 594 00:24:35,558 --> 00:24:37,198 Besides, there's Something I've got to do. 595 00:24:37,259 --> 00:24:38,191 What? 596 00:24:38,260 --> 00:24:40,527 I've got to go Frame my di-ploma. 597 00:24:44,433 --> 00:24:46,366 Darling? 598 00:24:46,435 --> 00:24:49,770 Are you missing a necktie? 599 00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:54,908 Captioning made possible By mgm home entertainment 600 00:25:03,686 --> 00:25:06,686 Captioned by the national Captioning institute... Www.Ncicap.Org... 39233

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