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Captioning made possible
By mgm home entertainment
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Oliver: ♪ green acres
Is the place to be ♪
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00:00:28,828 --> 00:00:32,597
♪ farm livin' is
The life for me ♪
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00:00:32,666 --> 00:00:36,701
♪ land spreadin'
Out so far and wide ♪
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00:00:36,770 --> 00:00:40,438
♪ keep manhattan, just
Give me that countryside ♪
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00:00:40,507 --> 00:00:42,140
Lisa: ♪ new york ♪
7
00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:44,543
♪ is where I'd rather stay ♪
8
00:00:44,611 --> 00:00:48,713
♪ I get allergic smelling hay ♪
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00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:52,217
♪ I just adore a
Penthouse view ♪
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00:00:52,286 --> 00:00:53,763
♪ darling, I love you ♪
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00:00:53,787 --> 00:00:55,467
♪ but give me park avenue ♪
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00:00:58,124 --> 00:00:59,924
♪ the chores ♪
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00:00:59,993 --> 00:01:01,959
♪ the stores ♪
14
00:01:02,028 --> 00:01:03,795
♪ fresh air ♪
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00:01:03,863 --> 00:01:04,974
♪ times square ♪
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00:01:04,998 --> 00:01:06,565
♪ you are my wife ♪
17
00:01:06,633 --> 00:01:08,444
♪ good-bye, city life ♪
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00:01:08,468 --> 00:01:12,003
Both: ♪ green acres,
We are there ♪
19
00:01:30,224 --> 00:01:31,367
What you got there?
20
00:01:31,391 --> 00:01:33,069
The new phone book. I
Just finished printing them.
21
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:34,992
Ahh. Let me see one of them.
22
00:01:35,061 --> 00:01:36,628
My name ain't in here.
23
00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:38,641
Right there it
Is. "Smoot, floyd."
24
00:01:38,665 --> 00:01:40,265
My name is floyd smoot.
25
00:01:40,334 --> 00:01:42,334
You printed it backwards again.
26
00:01:42,402 --> 00:01:43,335
Floyd...
27
00:01:43,403 --> 00:01:45,083
They did the same thing to you.
28
00:01:45,138 --> 00:01:46,738
You're "Pratt, charley."
29
00:01:46,806 --> 00:01:48,306
Floyd, that's the way you...
30
00:01:48,375 --> 00:01:50,052
Well, good morning, gentlemen.
31
00:01:50,076 --> 00:01:51,008
Morning, mr. Douglas.
32
00:01:51,077 --> 00:01:52,555
Morning. Hey, mr. Douglas.
33
00:01:52,579 --> 00:01:54,056
Sam, I want this changed.
34
00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:55,280
It can't be changed.
35
00:01:55,349 --> 00:01:57,215
It can, too. Can't
It, mr. Douglas?
36
00:01:57,284 --> 00:01:58,961
Huh? What's wrong, mr. Smoot?
37
00:01:58,985 --> 00:02:00,051
That's what's wrong.
38
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:03,221
I'm not mr. Smoot
Anymore. I'm mr. Floyd.
39
00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:04,689
What?
40
00:02:04,758 --> 00:02:06,858
The new phone
Book just came out.
41
00:02:06,926 --> 00:02:09,728
Yeah, they put all
The names backwards.
42
00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:12,664
See? "Smoot, floyd."
43
00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:14,009
Well, that's the
Way they print them.
44
00:02:14,033 --> 00:02:16,212
Alphabetically.
Makes it easier to find.
45
00:02:16,236 --> 00:02:17,836
I don't know how
You figure that.
46
00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:19,937
If a man is lookin'
For floyd smoot,
47
00:02:20,006 --> 00:02:22,874
He don't look up smoot floyd.
48
00:02:22,942 --> 00:02:25,410
Oh, by the way,
Congratulations, mr. Douglas.
49
00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:27,078
What for?
50
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:29,381
For your new listing.
51
00:02:29,449 --> 00:02:32,250
Oh! "Douglas, oliver wendell."
52
00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:34,185
Attorney-at-law?
53
00:02:34,254 --> 00:02:36,821
Shouldn't that be
"Law-at-attorney"?
54
00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:40,158
Who put this in,
Attorney-at-law?
55
00:02:40,226 --> 00:02:42,894
Your wife did. She gave me
An extra 15 cents for that.
56
00:02:42,962 --> 00:02:44,396
I'll pay you a quarter
57
00:02:44,464 --> 00:02:46,424
If you change my name
Back to floyd smoot.
58
00:02:47,267 --> 00:02:48,700
Will you be quiet?
59
00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:51,102
Look, mr. Drucker, if
It's all the same to you,
60
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:53,971
I'd just as soon not be
Listed as attorney-at-law.
61
00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:56,007
Now, is there any
Way we can remove it?
62
00:02:56,075 --> 00:02:57,509
Not in this edition.
63
00:02:57,577 --> 00:02:59,289
I'd be glad to leave
It out of the next one.
64
00:02:59,313 --> 00:03:01,157
Oh, when does that come out?
65
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,481
Uh, 1972.
66
00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:22,567
Lisa, I want to talk to you.
67
00:03:22,636 --> 00:03:24,369
Uh... What are you doing?
68
00:03:24,438 --> 00:03:27,572
Separating the
Whites from the jokes.
69
00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:30,041
Separating? I'm making a cake.
70
00:03:30,109 --> 00:03:33,044
Darling, would you
Please put this in the oven?
71
00:03:33,112 --> 00:03:34,045
In the oven?
72
00:03:34,113 --> 00:03:36,153
Yes. The cookbook
Says that the oven
73
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:40,051
Should be heated
To 325 degrees "F."
74
00:03:40,119 --> 00:03:41,239
This is a fever thermometer.
75
00:03:41,287 --> 00:03:43,555
Well, that's what
An "F" stands for.
76
00:03:43,623 --> 00:03:47,425
No, no. "F" stands
For fahrenheit.
77
00:03:47,494 --> 00:03:52,564
When a person is sick, then...
78
00:03:52,632 --> 00:03:54,131
What are you doing?
79
00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:57,969
Like the book said,
I'm shifting the flour.
80
00:03:58,037 --> 00:04:00,905
Sifting. There's no "H" in it.
81
00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:02,841
How do you zift?
82
00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:05,276
There's no "Z" in it, either.
83
00:04:05,345 --> 00:04:06,878
Come over here, will you please?
84
00:04:06,946 --> 00:04:08,413
I want to talk to
You. Now sit down.
85
00:04:08,482 --> 00:04:10,515
What is it? Sit down.
86
00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:12,617
Now, I came home to ask you
87
00:04:12,686 --> 00:04:15,553
Why you put this
In the phone book.
88
00:04:15,622 --> 00:04:17,856
"Douglas, oliver wendell."
89
00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:19,602
They always put it
Backwards. You see?
90
00:04:19,626 --> 00:04:21,959
"Smoot, floyd. Pratt, charley."
91
00:04:22,028 --> 00:04:24,407
When you look up a
Name, it's easier that way.
92
00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:25,363
I understand that.
93
00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:27,209
Then what's the problem?
94
00:04:27,233 --> 00:04:28,600
I want to know why
95
00:04:28,668 --> 00:04:31,269
You listed me as
An attorney-at-law.
96
00:04:31,337 --> 00:04:34,171
Do you know how to fold an egg?
97
00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:36,474
I asked you a question.
98
00:04:36,543 --> 00:04:39,477
What was it? How do you fold...
99
00:04:39,546 --> 00:04:42,113
Why did you list me
As attorney-at-law?
100
00:04:42,181 --> 00:04:44,649
You always had it listed
That way in new york
101
00:04:44,718 --> 00:04:46,662
And it only cost
15 cents more, so I...
102
00:04:46,686 --> 00:04:48,865
I didn't want it listed that way
In the hooterville directory.
103
00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:49,987
Why not?
104
00:04:50,056 --> 00:04:52,690
Because I didn't come
Out here to practice law.
105
00:04:52,759 --> 00:04:55,794
Maybe alice would
Know how to fold an egg.
106
00:04:55,862 --> 00:04:57,729
Alice?
107
00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:59,431
Well, she's a chicken.
108
00:05:00,567 --> 00:05:02,199
Why don't you ask her?
109
00:05:02,268 --> 00:05:03,935
Where is she?
110
00:05:04,003 --> 00:05:06,771
Aww, now... Look,
Let me explain to you
111
00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:08,306
Why I don't want
To be in the book.
112
00:05:08,374 --> 00:05:10,809
Up to now, I've
Soft-pedaled the fact
113
00:05:10,877 --> 00:05:12,043
That I'm an attorney.
114
00:05:12,111 --> 00:05:13,923
Now that it's in the book,
Everybody in the valley
115
00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:15,947
Will be calling me, wanting
Me to represent them,
116
00:05:16,015 --> 00:05:17,427
I won't have any
Time to do my farming!
117
00:05:17,451 --> 00:05:18,571
Well, I am...
118
00:05:18,618 --> 00:05:20,463
No, look, the phone will
Be going day and night.
119
00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:22,921
I'll be up and down that
Pole every 5 minutes.
120
00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:24,767
Why don't you call
The phone company
121
00:05:24,791 --> 00:05:26,424
And get an unlisted pole?
122
00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:31,028
They don't have unlisted poles.
123
00:05:31,097 --> 00:05:34,198
I am sorry, darling, but
It does look so pretty.
124
00:05:34,267 --> 00:05:35,199
Yes, but...
125
00:05:35,268 --> 00:05:36,548
And you are pretty, too.
126
00:05:36,603 --> 00:05:38,135
Now, don't try to get around me.
127
00:05:38,204 --> 00:05:40,905
You shouldn't have done
That without asking me.
128
00:05:40,974 --> 00:05:43,207
All right, when the
Phone rings, you answer it.
129
00:05:43,276 --> 00:05:45,844
Don't bother me. And
Just tell whoever it is
130
00:05:45,912 --> 00:05:47,579
That I'm not interested
In practicing law.
131
00:05:47,647 --> 00:05:49,881
Maybe it's something important.
132
00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:51,983
I came out here to get away
133
00:05:52,051 --> 00:05:53,585
From people and
Their legal problems.
134
00:05:53,653 --> 00:05:55,319
I just want to be a farmer.
135
00:05:55,388 --> 00:05:57,266
All right, you'll be a farmer,
136
00:05:57,290 --> 00:05:59,201
And I'll be a cake maker.
137
00:05:59,225 --> 00:06:00,892
Fine!
138
00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:04,028
Do you think I could use a book?
139
00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:05,296
What for?
140
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:07,665
To put the egg
In it and fold it.
141
00:06:13,272 --> 00:06:15,707
Ralph, darling!
142
00:06:15,775 --> 00:06:17,274
Howdy doody.
143
00:06:17,343 --> 00:06:20,211
Hey, what are you doing?
144
00:06:20,279 --> 00:06:21,491
Alf: playing casino.
145
00:06:21,515 --> 00:06:24,048
Playing casino?
Well, that's very nice,
146
00:06:24,117 --> 00:06:25,984
But you're supposed to
Be building the bedroom!
147
00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:27,719
I'm building eights.
148
00:06:28,989 --> 00:06:30,454
I'm building tens.
149
00:06:30,524 --> 00:06:33,157
Well, I'm not paying
You to play cards.
150
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:34,804
The only reason we stopped work
151
00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:36,372
Is 'cause the new
Phone book came out.
152
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:38,897
What is this, some kind
Of holiday around here?
153
00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:40,376
What's the phone book got to...
154
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,833
Oh, darling, excuse me.
155
00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:44,468
Ralph, darling, do you
Know how to fold an egg?
156
00:06:44,538 --> 00:06:47,104
Into what?
157
00:06:47,173 --> 00:06:49,073
A cake.
158
00:06:49,142 --> 00:06:51,342
Oh, no, I only took
Woodshop in school.
159
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:52,844
I never took cookin'.
160
00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:55,279
I did. What do you want to know?
161
00:06:55,348 --> 00:06:57,615
I want to know why
You're not working!
162
00:06:57,684 --> 00:06:58,761
We explained that to you.
163
00:06:58,785 --> 00:07:00,530
It's 'cause of the
New phone book.
164
00:07:00,554 --> 00:07:02,031
I don't see the connection!
165
00:07:02,055 --> 00:07:03,833
Well, you're listed as a lawyer.
166
00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:04,789
Yes.
167
00:07:04,858 --> 00:07:06,002
So we thought
Maybe you'd want us
168
00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:08,693
To add an office
Onto the bedroom.
169
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:09,827
No, I don't.
170
00:07:09,896 --> 00:07:12,163
We can build a lawyer
Stand right near the road.
171
00:07:12,231 --> 00:07:14,532
I have... A lawyer stand?
172
00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:16,034
Yeah. That's just
Like a fruit stand
173
00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:17,435
Except you sell law.
174
00:07:17,503 --> 00:07:19,415
You see what you've done?
175
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,017
They want to build
Me a lawyer stand,
176
00:07:21,041 --> 00:07:22,251
The phone is ringing
Every minute...
177
00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:23,340
It hasn't rung once.
178
00:07:23,409 --> 00:07:24,642
Don't worry, it will.
179
00:07:24,711 --> 00:07:27,244
Now, you get back to work.
180
00:07:29,683 --> 00:07:32,183
Alf, darling, do you really
Know how to fold an egg?
181
00:07:32,251 --> 00:07:34,786
Yes, ma'am. I got
B+ in egg-foldin'.
182
00:07:34,854 --> 00:07:36,253
Come with me!
183
00:07:37,557 --> 00:07:39,023
Morning, counselor!
184
00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:40,903
Oh, you saw the phone book.
185
00:07:40,927 --> 00:07:42,994
Yes, sir. It's the biggest
Thing that's happened
186
00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:44,796
In the valley since
The mail order catalog
187
00:07:44,864 --> 00:07:48,332
Came out with the men's
Underwear ads in full color.
188
00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:50,802
Well, I bet that
Was a big event.
189
00:07:50,870 --> 00:07:52,169
They closed the schools.
190
00:07:52,238 --> 00:07:53,537
Oh, come on.
191
00:07:53,607 --> 00:07:55,573
They had to. It was saturday.
192
00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:57,809
Eb, please.
193
00:07:57,877 --> 00:07:58,810
What are you doing?
194
00:07:58,878 --> 00:08:00,277
I'm fixing the wheel.
195
00:08:00,346 --> 00:08:01,479
What are you doing that for
196
00:08:01,547 --> 00:08:03,067
If you're going back
Into law practice?
197
00:08:03,116 --> 00:08:04,048
Look, I'm not...
198
00:08:04,117 --> 00:08:05,661
Glad to hear you've
Come to your senses,
199
00:08:05,685 --> 00:08:08,052
Giving up farming to do
Something you know how to do.
200
00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:10,722
I am not going back
Into law practice.
201
00:08:10,790 --> 00:08:13,491
Then why did you spend
15 cents to get listed?
202
00:08:13,559 --> 00:08:16,427
Mrs. Douglas did
That. I wish she hadn't.
203
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,307
That phone will
Be ringing all day.
204
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:19,530
Get any calls yet?
205
00:08:19,599 --> 00:08:22,634
No, but it won't be long.
206
00:08:25,639 --> 00:08:28,039
There! That fixes it.
207
00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:29,373
What was wrong with it?
208
00:08:29,442 --> 00:08:31,320
Oh, every time I
Went over a bump
209
00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:34,112
The wheel would come
Off in my hands like...
210
00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:37,481
This stupid tractor!
211
00:08:37,550 --> 00:08:38,850
I wouldn't yell
At it if I was...
212
00:08:38,918 --> 00:08:42,253
I'll yell at it if I want to!
213
00:08:42,321 --> 00:08:44,122
It's very sensitive.
214
00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:47,058
It always used to do that
When mr. Haney yelled at it.
215
00:08:47,127 --> 00:08:51,129
It's about time I started
Yelling at mr. Haney.
216
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:52,197
Mr. Haney...
217
00:08:52,265 --> 00:08:54,832
Oh, you drove your
Tractor over here!
218
00:08:54,901 --> 00:08:57,301
That's a good idea, taking
The steering wheel off
219
00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,037
So's nobody can steal it.
220
00:08:59,105 --> 00:09:00,905
Steal it? Anybody
Wants to steal that
221
00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:02,640
They're welcome to it.
222
00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:05,029
Oh, I guess you
Won't be needing it
223
00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:07,089
Now that you've given up farming
224
00:09:07,113 --> 00:09:08,345
To practice law.
225
00:09:08,414 --> 00:09:09,480
Mr. Haney, I...
226
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:11,193
I saw your listing
In the phone book.
227
00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:12,695
No matter what you saw
Listed in the phone book,
228
00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:14,085
I am not practicing law.
229
00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:15,931
Then why are the monroe brothers
230
00:09:15,955 --> 00:09:17,566
Building you a law office?
231
00:09:17,590 --> 00:09:19,123
They're not building
Me a law office
232
00:09:19,192 --> 00:09:20,591
Or a lawyer's stand.
233
00:09:20,660 --> 00:09:21,937
What's that?
234
00:09:21,961 --> 00:09:26,564
It's like a fruit stand
Except you sell law.
235
00:09:26,632 --> 00:09:28,066
I never heard of that.
236
00:09:28,134 --> 00:09:29,845
Did you have one
Of them in new york?
237
00:09:29,869 --> 00:09:30,935
No, I didn't.
238
00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:32,247
I came over here
To talk to you...
239
00:09:32,271 --> 00:09:33,949
Got it right here! Come on.
240
00:09:33,973 --> 00:09:35,484
Be careful through here.
241
00:09:35,508 --> 00:09:36,508
Yes, it's...
242
00:09:36,542 --> 00:09:38,253
Don't step on that accordion.
243
00:09:40,646 --> 00:09:44,982
There. It's a frame
For your di-ploma.
244
00:09:45,051 --> 00:09:46,450
I don't need a frame...
245
00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:48,664
It matches the rest of the set.
246
00:09:48,688 --> 00:09:49,921
What set?
247
00:09:49,989 --> 00:09:53,991
This here genuine lawyer's desk.
248
00:09:54,060 --> 00:09:56,438
Once the property
Of one of the greatest
249
00:09:56,462 --> 00:09:58,763
Legal minds in this country.
250
00:09:58,832 --> 00:10:01,365
You've heard of the
Famous monkey trial?
251
00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:02,366
Yes.
252
00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:05,737
Just look at the
Initials carved there.
253
00:10:05,805 --> 00:10:09,240
"C.D." are you trying to tell me
254
00:10:09,308 --> 00:10:12,210
That this desk once
Belonged to clarence darrow?
255
00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:16,380
No, clyde dinglehoffer.
256
00:10:19,085 --> 00:10:21,853
Look, mr. Haney, I came
Over here to ask you
257
00:10:21,921 --> 00:10:23,888
For my money back on
That tractor you sold me.
258
00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:26,168
Well, what's wrong with it?
259
00:10:26,192 --> 00:10:28,192
What's wrong?!
260
00:10:28,261 --> 00:10:31,528
The steering wheel
Came off for one thing!
261
00:10:31,597 --> 00:10:35,166
Oh, well, I can let you
Have this one for $2.00.
262
00:10:35,235 --> 00:10:36,834
That's the one I brought over!
263
00:10:36,903 --> 00:10:39,436
Do I get my money back or not?
264
00:10:39,505 --> 00:10:40,582
Well, let's see now,
265
00:10:40,606 --> 00:10:42,517
How much did you
Pay me for that?
266
00:10:42,541 --> 00:10:43,574
$75!
267
00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:46,177
I'll tell you what I'll do.
268
00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:49,080
I can let you have
$8.00 on that tractor
269
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:51,849
Towards the purchase
Of this magnificant
270
00:10:51,918 --> 00:10:55,887
Chair, desk, and di-ploma frame.
271
00:10:55,955 --> 00:11:00,024
Mr. Haney, I'm gonna
Sue you for that tractor
272
00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:03,161
And for every bit of defective
Equipment you've sold me.
273
00:11:03,229 --> 00:11:05,997
Mr. Douglas, do I detect a note
274
00:11:06,065 --> 00:11:07,843
Of disappointment in your voice?
275
00:11:07,867 --> 00:11:09,667
Yes, you do!
276
00:11:09,735 --> 00:11:12,436
Well, I don't want any
Unhappy customers.
277
00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:15,907
If you'll just make out a
List of your grievances...
278
00:11:15,975 --> 00:11:18,409
All right. I haven't got
Anything to write with.
279
00:11:18,477 --> 00:11:20,389
Would you care to buy a pen?
280
00:11:20,413 --> 00:11:23,447
When I do make out my list,
281
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:25,249
You'll find them
In the complaint
282
00:11:25,318 --> 00:11:26,984
That I'm going to
File with the court.
283
00:11:27,053 --> 00:11:30,321
Mr. Douglas! Where
Did you park your car?
284
00:11:30,389 --> 00:11:31,689
Out in front of your house.
285
00:11:31,757 --> 00:11:33,836
Then I'll validate
Your parking ticket.
286
00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:35,092
I haven't got one.
287
00:11:35,161 --> 00:11:38,963
Well, in that case,
It'll be 15 cents.
288
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,533
I'll just take this
For my diploma.
289
00:11:42,601 --> 00:11:44,535
That'll bring us out even.
290
00:11:46,172 --> 00:11:49,373
He must've been
Taking haney lessons.
291
00:12:01,504 --> 00:12:02,903
Hello, honey.
292
00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:04,617
Darling, where were
You? I was looking for you.
293
00:12:04,641 --> 00:12:06,051
Oh, you got some
Messages for me.
294
00:12:06,075 --> 00:12:07,085
I told you the phone...
295
00:12:07,109 --> 00:12:09,243
No phone calls, no messages.
296
00:12:09,312 --> 00:12:10,556
Oh, come on. There
Must have been.
297
00:12:10,580 --> 00:12:11,512
No, the phone didn't ring.
298
00:12:11,581 --> 00:12:12,725
That's impossible.
299
00:12:12,749 --> 00:12:14,949
I thought you
Didn't want it to ring.
300
00:12:15,017 --> 00:12:16,729
I didn't want it to, but
You put that thing...
301
00:12:16,753 --> 00:12:18,252
Was that the telephone?
302
00:12:18,321 --> 00:12:21,522
No. Am I doing this right?
303
00:12:21,591 --> 00:12:22,802
I don't know. What
Are you doing?
304
00:12:22,826 --> 00:12:24,826
This is going to
Be a pound cake,
305
00:12:24,894 --> 00:12:26,828
And I'm trying to weigh
It so it weighs a pound,
306
00:12:26,896 --> 00:12:29,063
But every time it
Starts to weigh 2 pounds.
307
00:12:29,131 --> 00:12:31,532
That means the
Bowl weighs 2 pounds.
308
00:12:31,601 --> 00:12:32,967
I never thought of that.
309
00:12:33,035 --> 00:12:35,147
Sure. If you want to
Make a one-pound cake,
310
00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:36,849
You got to add enough
Batter to the bowl
311
00:12:36,873 --> 00:12:38,884
So that the whole
Thing weighs 3 pounds.
312
00:12:38,908 --> 00:12:42,142
For one pound cake?
That doesn't make sense.
313
00:12:42,211 --> 00:12:43,723
It doesn't have to
Be a one-pound cake.
314
00:12:43,747 --> 00:12:45,090
That's just the
Name of the cake.
315
00:12:45,114 --> 00:12:47,259
You can make it weigh as
Many pounds as you wish.
316
00:12:47,283 --> 00:12:49,784
Why aren't I as smart as you?
317
00:12:49,853 --> 00:12:52,152
You don't have to be
Smart. You're pretty.
318
00:12:52,221 --> 00:12:53,866
Yep. Pretty smart?
319
00:12:53,890 --> 00:12:55,534
Nope. Smarter than you?
320
00:12:55,558 --> 00:12:58,793
Do you know how to fold an egg?
321
00:12:58,862 --> 00:13:00,094
No.
322
00:13:00,162 --> 00:13:02,730
I do. Alf taught me.
323
00:13:02,799 --> 00:13:05,633
You let an egg
Fry for 10 minutes,
324
00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:07,502
When it gets hard, you fold it.
325
00:13:07,570 --> 00:13:10,538
I don't think that's
The right way.
326
00:13:10,607 --> 00:13:13,007
Alf got b+ in egg folding.
327
00:13:13,075 --> 00:13:16,143
He probably
Cheated on his exams.
328
00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:18,546
Was that the phone?
329
00:13:18,615 --> 00:13:20,481
I haven't heard anything.
330
00:13:21,618 --> 00:13:23,083
You sure?
331
00:13:23,152 --> 00:13:25,019
It didn't ring.
332
00:13:26,423 --> 00:13:27,955
It will.
333
00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:36,063
Who's there?
334
00:13:36,132 --> 00:13:38,032
Oh, come in. Hank kimball.
335
00:13:39,101 --> 00:13:41,235
Hello, mr. Douglas.
336
00:13:41,304 --> 00:13:43,070
Hey, your wife said
You were in here.
337
00:13:43,139 --> 00:13:44,972
Well, she didn't say
You were in here,
338
00:13:45,041 --> 00:13:47,475
She said you were out
Here... Wherever you are.
339
00:13:47,544 --> 00:13:51,345
Whew. Say...
340
00:13:51,414 --> 00:13:53,848
This is quite a law
Office you're building.
341
00:13:53,917 --> 00:13:56,818
Smart move, giving up
Farming to practice law.
342
00:13:56,886 --> 00:13:58,531
I'm not giving up farming.
343
00:13:58,555 --> 00:14:00,187
Oh, then it isn't a
Very smart move.
344
00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:02,790
It's a very... No, it
Isn't that, either.
345
00:14:02,859 --> 00:14:04,959
What are you gonna
Do with this law office?
346
00:14:05,027 --> 00:14:06,594
It's not a law office.
347
00:14:06,663 --> 00:14:08,395
Ohh! You going to practice law
348
00:14:08,465 --> 00:14:11,466
From one of those
Roadside stands?
349
00:14:11,534 --> 00:14:13,868
I know a doctor over
At steuben bluffs
350
00:14:13,937 --> 00:14:15,302
Has a doctor stand.
351
00:14:15,371 --> 00:14:16,671
Very interesting.
352
00:14:16,739 --> 00:14:20,908
What is? Oh, the doctor stand.
353
00:14:20,977 --> 00:14:24,879
Yes, on a sick day, he's
Got cars piled up for miles.
354
00:14:24,948 --> 00:14:26,614
Well, not for miles.
355
00:14:26,683 --> 00:14:28,649
There was sure a lot
Of them piled up, though.
356
00:14:28,718 --> 00:14:30,250
It was quite an accident.
357
00:14:30,319 --> 00:14:33,688
Lucky thing it happened
Near the doctor stand.
358
00:14:33,756 --> 00:14:36,757
I suppose your phone's
Been ringing all morning, too.
359
00:14:36,826 --> 00:14:37,959
Too?
360
00:14:38,027 --> 00:14:40,928
I paid for one of those
Fancy listings like yours.
361
00:14:40,997 --> 00:14:42,964
Of course, mine didn't
Say "Attorney-at-law."
362
00:14:43,032 --> 00:14:45,566
It said "Kimball,
Hank... County agent."
363
00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:48,068
It's amazing how many
People notice things like that.
364
00:14:48,137 --> 00:14:51,171
Last count, I had 87 calls.
365
00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:52,640
87?!
366
00:14:52,709 --> 00:14:54,309
Of course, that
Doesn't count the 4 times
367
00:14:54,377 --> 00:14:55,821
The phone rang while
I was in the bathtub.
368
00:14:55,845 --> 00:14:58,379
Or was it the shower?
No, it was the bathtub.
369
00:14:58,447 --> 00:14:59,514
I don't have a shower.
370
00:14:59,582 --> 00:15:02,316
87 calls?!
371
00:15:02,385 --> 00:15:04,451
How many times did they
Get you out of the shower?
372
00:15:04,521 --> 00:15:06,387
Or do you prefer a tub?
373
00:15:06,455 --> 00:15:08,022
It's interesting how many people
374
00:15:08,090 --> 00:15:10,024
Prefer a bathtub to a shower.
375
00:15:10,092 --> 00:15:11,692
Take my mother-in-law.
376
00:15:15,064 --> 00:15:15,997
Oh, the phone!
377
00:15:16,065 --> 00:15:17,231
What about it?
378
00:15:17,299 --> 00:15:19,567
It's ringing!
379
00:15:19,636 --> 00:15:21,869
I guess it's been doing
That all morning, huh?
380
00:15:21,938 --> 00:15:24,739
Lucky thing you weren't
In the shower or the tub
381
00:15:24,807 --> 00:15:26,173
Or whichever you prefer.
382
00:15:26,242 --> 00:15:27,842
Hello?
383
00:15:27,911 --> 00:15:30,578
Yes, this is mr. Douglas.
384
00:15:30,647 --> 00:15:35,215
Mr. Kiley? Oh, well...
Yeah, you saw it, eh?
385
00:15:35,284 --> 00:15:38,819
Well, I really don't want
To go back into law practice,
386
00:15:38,888 --> 00:15:42,790
But if I can be of
Any assist... What?
387
00:15:45,562 --> 00:15:47,528
Mr. Kimball, it's for you.
388
00:15:47,597 --> 00:15:50,164
Oh, that makes 88.
389
00:15:50,232 --> 00:15:53,901
I had my mother transfer
All my calls over here.
390
00:15:59,442 --> 00:16:00,808
Thank you.
391
00:16:02,144 --> 00:16:03,243
Hello?
392
00:16:03,312 --> 00:16:05,646
Yes, this is kimball,
Hank, your county agent,
393
00:16:05,715 --> 00:16:07,092
As listed in the latest edition
394
00:16:07,116 --> 00:16:10,718
Of the hooterville
Telephone directory. Ha ha!
395
00:16:10,787 --> 00:16:13,788
Ahem. Yes, mr. Kiley?
396
00:16:13,856 --> 00:16:15,990
What? Oh, he did?
397
00:16:16,059 --> 00:16:17,903
Well, I suggest you come
Over to the house tonight
398
00:16:17,927 --> 00:16:19,426
And I'll dictate a brief
399
00:16:19,495 --> 00:16:21,929
And we'll file suit first
Thing tomorrow morning
400
00:16:21,998 --> 00:16:23,758
In the pixley superior court.
401
00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:24,977
Yeah. In the meantime,
402
00:16:25,001 --> 00:16:26,979
I wouldn't discuss
The case with anyone.
403
00:16:27,003 --> 00:16:30,471
Bye-bye. Well, thank you.
404
00:16:30,539 --> 00:16:33,708
Wait a second. Were you
Giving him legal advice?
405
00:16:33,776 --> 00:16:35,109
Legal advice?
406
00:16:35,177 --> 00:16:36,889
No, I wasn't giving
Him legal advice.
407
00:16:36,913 --> 00:16:39,947
I was giving him...
Yes, I guess I was.
408
00:16:40,016 --> 00:16:41,794
Well, thanks for
The use of the phone.
409
00:16:41,818 --> 00:16:43,017
Oh, that's all right.
410
00:16:43,086 --> 00:16:44,763
Well, if I get any more calls,
411
00:16:44,787 --> 00:16:47,187
I'll be over at the crabwell
Corners municipal court.
412
00:16:47,223 --> 00:16:48,634
I'm trying to get the judge
413
00:16:48,658 --> 00:16:50,435
To give me a change
Of venue for...
414
00:16:50,459 --> 00:16:52,559
Venue's a legal
Term. It means...
415
00:16:52,629 --> 00:16:55,195
I know what it
Means! I studied law.
416
00:16:55,264 --> 00:16:56,731
Oh, hey, I forgot.
417
00:16:56,799 --> 00:16:59,100
Well, see you in court.
418
00:17:05,174 --> 00:17:08,509
Darling, will you help
Me put this in the oven?
419
00:17:08,577 --> 00:17:11,679
What have you got in
There, a turkey... Ooh!
420
00:17:11,748 --> 00:17:13,347
The cake!
421
00:17:13,415 --> 00:17:14,982
The pound cake?
422
00:17:15,051 --> 00:17:17,551
You told me it doesn't
Have to be one pound,
423
00:17:17,620 --> 00:17:19,820
So I made it 20 pounds.
424
00:17:19,889 --> 00:17:23,223
You don't cook a cake in...
425
00:17:23,292 --> 00:17:25,192
Well, what difference
Does it make?
426
00:17:25,261 --> 00:17:26,827
Open the oven.
427
00:17:28,597 --> 00:17:30,731
Why are you so grumpy?
428
00:17:32,168 --> 00:17:34,168
I am not grumpy!
429
00:17:34,236 --> 00:17:36,303
That was grumpy!
430
00:17:43,780 --> 00:17:45,846
Obviously you don't
Want me to bake the cake.
431
00:17:45,915 --> 00:17:47,481
I don't care.
432
00:17:47,550 --> 00:17:50,017
You're grumpy at the
Phone because it didn't ring.
433
00:17:50,086 --> 00:17:54,021
I'm not grumpy.
Just disappointed.
434
00:17:54,090 --> 00:17:55,968
Now that everybody
Knows that I'm a lawyer,
435
00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:57,903
You'd think that
Somebody would call.
436
00:17:57,927 --> 00:18:00,795
But you don't want
Anybody to call you.
437
00:18:00,863 --> 00:18:02,808
I know it, but now
That it's in the book,
438
00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:05,399
It seems that...
Was that the phone?
439
00:18:05,467 --> 00:18:07,301
I don't think so.
440
00:18:07,369 --> 00:18:09,203
Oh, your pride is hurt.
441
00:18:09,271 --> 00:18:10,771
Maybe it is.
442
00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:13,841
In new york, I
Was in big demand.
443
00:18:13,910 --> 00:18:16,043
No! You want to go back?
444
00:18:16,112 --> 00:18:17,956
You want to kiss me? No!
445
00:18:19,315 --> 00:18:21,015
You want to answer the phone?
446
00:18:21,084 --> 00:18:22,583
No!
447
00:18:22,651 --> 00:18:24,085
It's ringing.
448
00:18:24,153 --> 00:18:26,687
The... The phone is ringing!
449
00:18:27,957 --> 00:18:29,802
Mr. Douglas, the
Phone's ringing.
450
00:18:29,826 --> 00:18:31,325
I heard it!
451
00:18:31,393 --> 00:18:32,927
What? Eb: mr. Douglas!
452
00:18:32,995 --> 00:18:34,073
The phone's ringing.
453
00:18:34,097 --> 00:18:35,896
I know! Howdy doody!
454
00:18:35,965 --> 00:18:37,042
Oh, honey... Phone's ringing.
455
00:18:37,066 --> 00:18:38,599
I know! Let me by!
456
00:18:38,667 --> 00:18:39,678
I can't! I'm stuck!
457
00:18:42,438 --> 00:18:43,804
Ahh...
458
00:18:46,142 --> 00:18:47,252
Ain't you gonna
Answer the phone?
459
00:18:47,276 --> 00:18:48,743
I'm trying to!
460
00:18:48,811 --> 00:18:50,189
Who was it? I don't know yet.
461
00:18:50,213 --> 00:18:51,145
The phone's still ringing.
462
00:18:51,214 --> 00:18:52,279
I know!
463
00:18:52,348 --> 00:18:54,626
Don't slam the door!
You'll ruin the cake!
464
00:18:58,654 --> 00:19:00,054
Hello?
465
00:19:00,123 --> 00:19:02,089
Mr. Douglas? Yes.
466
00:19:02,158 --> 00:19:04,203
This is harry bleedswell
Over at pixley.
467
00:19:04,227 --> 00:19:05,904
I just got my new phone book.
468
00:19:05,928 --> 00:19:07,628
I see you're an attorney.
469
00:19:07,696 --> 00:19:08,696
That's right.
470
00:19:08,765 --> 00:19:09,975
I'd like to come
Over and talk to you.
471
00:19:09,999 --> 00:19:14,434
Well, perhaps I can squeeze
You in later in the week.
472
00:19:14,503 --> 00:19:16,381
I thought maybe you
Could make it today.
473
00:19:16,405 --> 00:19:17,449
It's very important.
474
00:19:17,473 --> 00:19:18,639
Well, uh...
475
00:19:18,707 --> 00:19:19,818
I'd appreciate
It if you'd let me
476
00:19:19,842 --> 00:19:21,419
Come over in about an hour.
477
00:19:21,443 --> 00:19:24,678
You better make it half hour.
478
00:19:24,747 --> 00:19:26,380
Thank you.
479
00:19:27,516 --> 00:19:30,985
Lisa! I got my first case!
480
00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:40,727
Honey...
481
00:19:40,797 --> 00:19:43,097
Darling, would you
Please help me close this?
482
00:19:43,166 --> 00:19:44,098
A little later, please.
483
00:19:44,167 --> 00:19:45,510
I want you to meet
Mr. Bleedswell.
484
00:19:45,534 --> 00:19:46,867
He's the man who called me.
485
00:19:46,936 --> 00:19:48,803
My wife... Mrs. Douglas.
486
00:19:48,871 --> 00:19:49,970
Hello, mr. Bleedswell.
487
00:19:50,039 --> 00:19:51,116
How do you do?
488
00:19:51,140 --> 00:19:53,207
Sit down, please.
We'll have some coffee.
489
00:19:53,276 --> 00:19:54,208
No, thank you.
490
00:19:54,277 --> 00:19:55,910
Would you like to
Have a piece of cake?
491
00:19:55,978 --> 00:19:57,577
I have a whole oven full of it.
492
00:19:57,646 --> 00:19:58,578
No, I came just for business.
493
00:19:58,647 --> 00:20:00,614
Sit down. Thank you.
494
00:20:00,683 --> 00:20:02,683
Now, about your case...
495
00:20:02,751 --> 00:20:04,696
Well, it isn't exactly a case.
496
00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:05,886
Now, I'm the attorney.
497
00:20:05,955 --> 00:20:08,233
Please let me decide whether
We've got a case or not.
498
00:20:08,257 --> 00:20:10,102
I'm with the pixley
Chamber of commerce.
499
00:20:10,126 --> 00:20:11,892
Perhaps I'd better
Take some notes.
500
00:20:11,961 --> 00:20:14,173
Oh, yes. Could I have a
Pad and a pencil, please?
501
00:20:14,197 --> 00:20:15,129
Yes, darling.
502
00:20:15,198 --> 00:20:17,031
Uh, continue.
503
00:20:17,099 --> 00:20:19,178
Well, every year, we put on...
504
00:20:19,202 --> 00:20:20,534
Here you are, sweetheart.
505
00:20:20,602 --> 00:20:22,380
Thank you. Could you
Do something with that?
506
00:20:22,404 --> 00:20:23,537
Yes, darling.
507
00:20:23,605 --> 00:20:24,638
Go ahead.
508
00:20:24,707 --> 00:20:26,819
Every year we have
The pixley pageant.
509
00:20:26,843 --> 00:20:27,875
Pixley pageant.
510
00:20:27,944 --> 00:20:30,088
It's a big celebration.
A parade and a picnic,
511
00:20:30,112 --> 00:20:31,690
And we put out a special
Souvenir bulletin...
512
00:20:31,714 --> 00:20:32,947
Souvenir bulletin...
513
00:20:33,015 --> 00:20:34,815
Could we get to
The point, please?
514
00:20:34,884 --> 00:20:36,929
I saw your name in the
Phone book for the first time,
515
00:20:36,953 --> 00:20:38,463
And being as how
You're new around here,
516
00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:40,132
I thought you'd like
To take out an ad
517
00:20:40,156 --> 00:20:42,356
And let the folks know
You're an attorney.
518
00:20:42,424 --> 00:20:44,358
An ad?!
519
00:20:44,426 --> 00:20:46,493
Is something burning?
520
00:20:46,562 --> 00:20:48,662
My husband.
521
00:20:48,731 --> 00:20:50,664
No, besides me.
522
00:20:53,535 --> 00:20:55,669
Oh, darling! My cake!
523
00:21:01,744 --> 00:21:02,676
Ooh!
524
00:21:02,745 --> 00:21:05,178
Darling, here, here.
525
00:21:06,349 --> 00:21:07,281
It's all right.
526
00:21:07,350 --> 00:21:09,361
My cake didn't burn too much.
527
00:21:09,385 --> 00:21:11,345
Something's still burning.
528
00:21:12,921 --> 00:21:15,021
My hat!
529
00:21:15,090 --> 00:21:17,858
Oh! I'm sorry!
530
00:21:20,463 --> 00:21:23,697
Oh, you're sorry? You ruined it!
531
00:21:23,766 --> 00:21:25,165
Ohh, of all the...
532
00:21:25,234 --> 00:21:27,401
Oh, all right, she
Said she was sorry.
533
00:21:27,470 --> 00:21:28,813
Now, if you hadn't
Said you had a case,
534
00:21:28,837 --> 00:21:29,770
This thing wouldn't
Have happened.
535
00:21:29,838 --> 00:21:32,873
I never said I had a case!
536
00:21:36,279 --> 00:21:38,912
But I can say it now!
537
00:21:38,981 --> 00:21:42,383
Oh, you poor, poor fellow.
538
00:21:42,451 --> 00:21:44,951
Don't touch me!
539
00:21:45,020 --> 00:21:47,521
I ought to sue you
For a burned hat... Ohh!
540
00:21:47,590 --> 00:21:49,323
And whatever I broke.
541
00:21:49,392 --> 00:21:51,124
Mr. Bleedswell!
542
00:21:51,193 --> 00:21:53,527
Mr. Bleedswell, please!
543
00:21:53,596 --> 00:21:55,429
Wait a minute!
544
00:21:57,667 --> 00:22:00,133
Oh, mr. Bleedswell.
545
00:22:00,202 --> 00:22:02,736
Here, let me help
You. I'm so sorry.
546
00:22:02,805 --> 00:22:04,204
Are you hurt?
547
00:22:04,273 --> 00:22:06,640
Why don't you look...
548
00:22:11,514 --> 00:22:14,748
My car! Ooh!
549
00:22:14,817 --> 00:22:20,053
I'm suing him and you and you!
550
00:22:20,122 --> 00:22:24,090
And anybody else
Who's around here!
551
00:22:24,159 --> 00:22:26,271
You just do that! Have
Your attorney call me!
552
00:22:26,295 --> 00:22:29,262
I'm in the book!
Douglas, oliver wendell!
553
00:22:33,936 --> 00:22:37,037
Ah, here it is.
lawson v. Holmes.
554
00:22:37,105 --> 00:22:39,473
This is very similar
To ralph's case.
555
00:22:39,542 --> 00:22:42,476
It seems that this workman
Accidentally hit this...
556
00:22:42,545 --> 00:22:44,356
Then he can't sue ralph.
557
00:22:44,380 --> 00:22:47,013
Well, he could sue her,
But with the defense
558
00:22:47,082 --> 00:22:48,226
I've got planned, it wouldn't...
559
00:22:48,250 --> 00:22:49,616
What about mr. Haney?
560
00:22:49,685 --> 00:22:51,719
Mr. Haney's all right,
Because I remember a case
561
00:22:51,787 --> 00:22:53,354
In the new york supreme...
562
00:22:53,422 --> 00:22:54,521
My first cake.
563
00:22:56,425 --> 00:22:57,958
Yes, yes.
564
00:22:58,026 --> 00:23:00,060
You see, darling,
How clever I was
565
00:23:00,128 --> 00:23:03,296
To put in the phone
Book "Attorney-at-law"?
566
00:23:03,366 --> 00:23:06,500
Otherwise, the man wouldn't
Have come over for an ad
567
00:23:06,569 --> 00:23:08,769
And nothing would
Have happened to him
568
00:23:08,838 --> 00:23:11,938
And you wouldn't
Have had 2 cases.
569
00:23:12,007 --> 00:23:14,808
Yes, that's one
Way of looking at it.
570
00:23:14,877 --> 00:23:15,954
Here, have some cake.
571
00:23:15,978 --> 00:23:17,110
I'm not very...
572
00:23:17,179 --> 00:23:18,390
Come on, try it.
573
00:23:18,414 --> 00:23:21,314
Ahem. Heh heh.
574
00:23:30,893 --> 00:23:33,394
Oh, thank you.
575
00:23:33,462 --> 00:23:35,662
I was looking all over for that.
576
00:23:35,731 --> 00:23:39,032
Lisa, that could be
Considered criminal negligence.
577
00:23:39,101 --> 00:23:42,335
There was a fella in boston
Stuck his fork in a pie...
578
00:23:50,913 --> 00:23:53,514
So that's where that went.
579
00:23:53,582 --> 00:23:55,582
Yes, are you missing
Anything else?
580
00:23:55,651 --> 00:23:58,184
I can't find the salt shaker.
581
00:23:59,354 --> 00:24:00,421
You...
582
00:24:05,461 --> 00:24:08,562
Oh. Thank you.
583
00:24:09,632 --> 00:24:11,498
What else?
584
00:24:11,567 --> 00:24:13,734
Well, one of my
Earrings are missing.
585
00:24:13,803 --> 00:24:16,470
Your earrings. Well, I...
586
00:24:18,808 --> 00:24:19,740
This one?
587
00:24:19,809 --> 00:24:22,009
Yes, darling. Thank you.
588
00:24:23,178 --> 00:24:24,945
Anything else?
589
00:24:25,013 --> 00:24:26,914
The frying pan.
590
00:24:26,982 --> 00:24:29,015
Lisa, please!
591
00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:32,864
Well done, darling. You
Can go ahead and eat it.
592
00:24:32,888 --> 00:24:34,287
There's only cake left.
593
00:24:34,356 --> 00:24:35,489
I'm not hungry.
594
00:24:35,558 --> 00:24:37,198
Besides, there's
Something I've got to do.
595
00:24:37,259 --> 00:24:38,191
What?
596
00:24:38,260 --> 00:24:40,527
I've got to go
Frame my di-ploma.
597
00:24:44,433 --> 00:24:46,366
Darling?
598
00:24:46,435 --> 00:24:49,770
Are you missing a necktie?
599
00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:54,908
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600
00:25:03,686 --> 00:25:06,686
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