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Captioning made possible
By mgm home entertainment
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Oliver: ♪ green acres
Is the place to be ♪
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♪ farm livin' is
The life for me ♪
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♪ land spreadin'
Out so far and wide ♪
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♪ keep manhattan, just
Give me that countryside ♪
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00:00:40,191 --> 00:00:41,890
Lisa: ♪ new york ♪
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♪ is where I'd rather stay ♪
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♪ I get allergic ♪
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♪ smelling hay ♪
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♪ I just adore a
Penthouse view ♪
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♪ darling, I love you ♪
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♪ but give me park avenue ♪
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♪ the chores ♪
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♪ the stores ♪
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00:01:01,712 --> 00:01:03,478
♪ fresh air ♪
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♪ times square ♪
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♪ you are my wife ♪
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♪ good-bye, city life ♪
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♪ green acres, we are there ♪
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Here's your corn
Flakes, children.
21
00:01:29,123 --> 00:01:30,889
There you are.
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00:01:30,958 --> 00:01:34,559
Don't walk in your
Breakfast, darlings.
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00:01:34,628 --> 00:01:35,894
Who are you talking to?
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00:01:35,963 --> 00:01:37,562
To alice's children.
25
00:01:37,631 --> 00:01:38,775
Children? Uh-huh.
26
00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:42,734
Shirley, dorothy,
Mary ann, yvonne,
27
00:01:42,803 --> 00:01:45,737
That one there I
Think is a marvin.
28
00:01:45,806 --> 00:01:47,617
How do you keep
Their names straight?
29
00:01:47,641 --> 00:01:49,241
I don't have to. They
Do it themselves.
30
00:01:49,309 --> 00:01:51,309
Watch. Dorothy...
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00:01:54,982 --> 00:01:56,081
You see?
32
00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:58,583
Yeah, but how do you
Know that's dorothy?
33
00:01:58,652 --> 00:02:01,586
Why should she answer
To somebody else's name?
34
00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:03,299
Darling, how many eggs
Do you want for breakfast?
35
00:02:03,323 --> 00:02:04,589
2. Oh, dear.
36
00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:05,757
I only ordered 3.
37
00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:09,294
One for you, one
For me, and one for eb.
38
00:02:09,362 --> 00:02:11,643
Lisa, you don't order
Eggs from a chicken.
39
00:02:13,533 --> 00:02:15,133
You know what... What?
40
00:02:17,938 --> 00:02:20,371
Alice, if it isn't
Too much trouble,
41
00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:22,373
Could we have just
One more egg, please?
42
00:02:25,112 --> 00:02:27,545
Would you like to have a
White one or a brown one?
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00:02:27,614 --> 00:02:31,216
Lisa, a hen doesn't
Lay eggs on cue.
44
00:02:31,285 --> 00:02:33,196
Just because you
Ask her to lay an egg,
45
00:02:33,220 --> 00:02:35,753
Doesn't mean she's
Gonna... But there it is!
46
00:02:35,823 --> 00:02:37,222
How do you do that?
47
00:02:37,291 --> 00:02:40,491
Well, I didn't do
That. Alice did it.
48
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:42,760
Oh, you've got the milkin' pail?
49
00:02:42,796 --> 00:02:43,940
Oh, yeah. No, no,
If you don't mind,
50
00:02:43,964 --> 00:02:45,541
I'm gonna milk
Eleanor today myself.
51
00:02:48,135 --> 00:02:50,568
That shook her up.
52
00:02:50,637 --> 00:02:52,570
Darling, don't you
Think it would be better
53
00:02:52,639 --> 00:02:54,306
If eb would milk eleanor today?
54
00:02:54,374 --> 00:02:55,307
I gotta learn.
55
00:02:55,375 --> 00:02:56,519
Don't you think you oughta have
56
00:02:56,543 --> 00:02:58,554
One more lesson
On a rubber glove?
57
00:02:58,578 --> 00:03:00,123
I am gonna milk
Eleanor this morning.
58
00:03:00,147 --> 00:03:01,457
Would you like to
Come and watch?
59
00:03:01,481 --> 00:03:03,281
Darling, don't you think
It's rather personal?
60
00:03:03,317 --> 00:03:05,851
Personal?
61
00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:07,585
Anyway, I have to get dressed.
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00:03:07,654 --> 00:03:10,188
When are you going to
Drive me into hootersville?
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00:03:10,257 --> 00:03:12,790
Lisa, it's hooter-ville.
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00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:15,526
When did they change it?
65
00:03:15,595 --> 00:03:17,073
I'm not going into hooterville.
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00:03:17,097 --> 00:03:18,196
You promised to take me.
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00:03:18,265 --> 00:03:19,197
What for?
68
00:03:19,266 --> 00:03:20,999
I have to have my hair done.
69
00:03:21,068 --> 00:03:22,367
Because there's a meeting
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00:03:22,435 --> 00:03:24,035
For the every other
Wednesday afternoon
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00:03:24,104 --> 00:03:25,871
Discussion club today.
72
00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:28,373
Because today is the
Every other wednesday
73
00:03:28,441 --> 00:03:31,343
When they discuss today.
74
00:03:31,411 --> 00:03:33,589
Well, I'll take you in
Just as soon as I can.
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00:03:33,613 --> 00:03:35,380
At 12:00? I don't know.
76
00:03:35,448 --> 00:03:36,882
At 1:00? Maybe.
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00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:38,549
At 2:00?
78
00:03:38,618 --> 00:03:40,051
All right. 2:00.
79
00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:41,887
That will be too late.
80
00:03:41,955 --> 00:03:43,889
You tell me when.
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00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:45,056
1:00 is perfect.
82
00:03:49,963 --> 00:03:51,897
Thank you, alice.
83
00:03:51,965 --> 00:03:54,132
But I really wasn't
Talking to you.
84
00:04:05,312 --> 00:04:07,245
All right. This right?
85
00:04:07,314 --> 00:04:09,114
Yeah, that's
Where the action is.
86
00:04:15,455 --> 00:04:19,190
Easy... You ain't pullin' taffy.
87
00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:21,192
I'm... I'm sorry, eleanor.
88
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,363
It's all in the way
You use your fingers.
89
00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:26,798
Watch.
90
00:04:32,940 --> 00:04:35,040
Hey...
91
00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:36,707
All right.
92
00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:38,143
All right.
93
00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:46,985
You drained her.
94
00:04:48,721 --> 00:04:50,888
Keep tryin'.
95
00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:55,393
Hey!
96
00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:57,728
Keep milkin'.
97
00:04:59,066 --> 00:05:01,933
Mr. Douglas, I think
You've made a friend.
98
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:07,951
How are you, mr. Kimball?
99
00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:10,141
Fine. Well, not really fine.
100
00:05:10,210 --> 00:05:11,843
I didn't sleep well.
101
00:05:11,911 --> 00:05:14,346
No, I was worried about...
102
00:05:14,414 --> 00:05:16,181
What was I worried about?
103
00:05:16,249 --> 00:05:17,560
Well, now I won't
Get any sleep tonight
104
00:05:17,584 --> 00:05:20,185
Worrying about what
I was worried about.
105
00:05:20,253 --> 00:05:22,687
But that's no
Worry of yours, is it?
106
00:05:22,755 --> 00:05:23,899
Oh, where'd you get the milk?
107
00:05:23,923 --> 00:05:25,901
Hey, I milked
Eleanor this morning.
108
00:05:25,925 --> 00:05:27,859
Bet you had to use a
Little pull to get it, huh?
109
00:05:27,927 --> 00:05:29,194
Ha ha ha!
110
00:05:32,265 --> 00:05:33,742
Look, I'll put the
Milk in the house,
111
00:05:33,766 --> 00:05:35,078
Then you come out in
The fields with me, huh?
112
00:05:35,102 --> 00:05:36,412
Sure. All right.
113
00:05:36,436 --> 00:05:38,203
What for?
114
00:05:38,271 --> 00:05:39,582
You said you'd come over
Today and tell me how
115
00:05:39,606 --> 00:05:41,373
To fertilize my wheat.
116
00:05:41,441 --> 00:05:42,607
Certainly.
117
00:05:42,675 --> 00:05:45,043
That's what we county
Agents are here for.
118
00:05:45,112 --> 00:05:46,189
Of course, that's not
119
00:05:46,213 --> 00:05:47,590
The only reason we're here.
120
00:05:47,614 --> 00:05:50,048
We have a baseball team, too.
121
00:05:50,117 --> 00:05:51,383
That's very interesting.
122
00:05:51,451 --> 00:05:53,718
Yes, the chief insists
That we keep fit.
123
00:05:53,786 --> 00:05:55,598
Like he said to
Me the other day,
124
00:05:55,622 --> 00:05:57,889
"Mildred," he said.
125
00:05:57,957 --> 00:05:59,891
Mildred?
126
00:05:59,959 --> 00:06:02,227
Ah, I guess he was
Talking to my mother.
127
00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:03,606
He couldn't have been
Talking to my mother.
128
00:06:03,630 --> 00:06:05,730
Her name is sarah.
129
00:06:05,798 --> 00:06:09,534
I wonder why he
Called me mildred.
130
00:06:09,602 --> 00:06:12,970
Oh, I see alice is
Hard at work there.
131
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,006
Oh, oh, oh, mr. Kimball.
132
00:06:15,075 --> 00:06:17,509
Let me show you something.
133
00:06:17,577 --> 00:06:20,778
Alice, one egg, please.
134
00:06:26,420 --> 00:06:27,730
That's a very good trick.
135
00:06:27,754 --> 00:06:29,854
Does she do any others?
136
00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:32,023
It always works
With mrs. Douglas.
137
00:06:32,092 --> 00:06:33,569
Well, I guess a human being
138
00:06:33,593 --> 00:06:36,027
Follows directions better.
139
00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:38,029
No, I didn't mean it that way.
140
00:06:38,098 --> 00:06:40,698
Mrs. Douglas tells her
How many eggs she wants,
141
00:06:40,767 --> 00:06:42,534
And alice lays them.
142
00:06:42,602 --> 00:06:46,204
Oh. Mrs. Perkins used
To talk to her chickens.
143
00:06:46,273 --> 00:06:47,205
Oh?
144
00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:50,208
No, she talked to boll weevils.
145
00:06:50,277 --> 00:06:51,921
Oh, she had long
Conversations with 'em.
146
00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:53,585
They discussed everything.
147
00:06:53,613 --> 00:06:56,214
A very remarkable woman.
148
00:06:56,283 --> 00:06:57,927
I wonder if her
Husband still goes up
149
00:06:57,951 --> 00:06:59,817
And visits her on the weekends.
150
00:07:05,792 --> 00:07:07,825
Alice, one egg.
151
00:07:16,736 --> 00:07:20,171
Well, mr. Douglas, this is
One of the finest-looking...
152
00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:22,840
Well, not the
Finest-looking, but, uh...
153
00:07:22,909 --> 00:07:24,175
This is wheat, isn't it?
154
00:07:24,244 --> 00:07:25,510
Yes.
155
00:07:25,579 --> 00:07:27,178
How long's it been growing?
156
00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:29,347
3 weeks. 3 weeks?
157
00:07:31,251 --> 00:07:32,183
Look at this.
158
00:07:32,252 --> 00:07:34,352
Oh, that's a weed.
159
00:07:34,421 --> 00:07:35,520
How long's it been growing?
160
00:07:35,589 --> 00:07:36,854
Oh, about 2 days.
161
00:07:36,923 --> 00:07:38,203
Maybe you should've
Planted this.
162
00:07:38,258 --> 00:07:40,858
You certainly
Have the soil for it.
163
00:07:40,927 --> 00:07:43,194
I'm not interested
In growing weeds.
164
00:07:43,263 --> 00:07:44,574
I want to find out
How to make my wheat
165
00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:46,030
Big and strong.
166
00:07:46,099 --> 00:07:47,365
Big and strong?
167
00:07:47,434 --> 00:07:49,967
You might put some nitrogen
And phosphorous on the soil.
168
00:07:50,036 --> 00:07:51,581
How much nitrogen
And phosphorous
169
00:07:51,605 --> 00:07:52,715
Should I treat the soil with?
170
00:07:52,739 --> 00:07:55,706
Oh, I'd say about
100 pounds per acre.
171
00:07:55,775 --> 00:07:58,709
Now, I suppose the
Next question will be...
172
00:07:58,778 --> 00:08:00,378
How do I apply it?
173
00:08:00,447 --> 00:08:03,548
Yes. Yes, what?
174
00:08:03,617 --> 00:08:05,383
How do I apply it?
175
00:08:05,452 --> 00:08:07,885
I knew that was gonna
Be your next question.
176
00:08:07,954 --> 00:08:09,387
We county agents have developed
177
00:08:09,456 --> 00:08:12,157
A sort of a sixth sense
For those sort of things.
178
00:08:12,225 --> 00:08:16,661
Now, there are 3
Methods for applying...
179
00:08:16,729 --> 00:08:18,163
No, there are 2...
180
00:08:18,231 --> 00:08:19,997
No, there are 3.
181
00:08:20,066 --> 00:08:21,499
What are they?
182
00:08:21,568 --> 00:08:25,670
One is a rather primitive
Method of applying.
183
00:08:25,738 --> 00:08:28,173
It was used back in
The early settlers days
184
00:08:28,241 --> 00:08:30,508
In massachusetts, rhode island,
185
00:08:30,577 --> 00:08:33,511
And, uh, certain sections
Of the delaware water gap.
186
00:08:33,580 --> 00:08:35,846
They call it shoveling.
187
00:08:35,915 --> 00:08:37,348
Shoveling.
188
00:08:37,417 --> 00:08:38,516
Yes.
189
00:08:38,585 --> 00:08:41,118
They'd get a shovel with
A big bag of fertilizer
190
00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:43,755
And just sort of
Shovel it around.
191
00:08:43,823 --> 00:08:46,024
Except in the
Delaware water gap,
192
00:08:46,092 --> 00:08:47,692
Where they used a spade.
193
00:08:47,761 --> 00:08:50,695
Oh, it wasn't really a spade,
But it had a long handle.
194
00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:51,696
It was a...
195
00:08:51,765 --> 00:08:52,808
What was the other method?
196
00:08:52,832 --> 00:08:54,966
Of what?
197
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:56,134
Good morning, mr. Kimball.
198
00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:57,412
Oh, good morning, mrs. Douglas.
199
00:08:57,436 --> 00:08:59,414
My, you certainly look
Pretty this morning.
200
00:08:59,438 --> 00:09:00,538
I like your hair.
201
00:09:00,606 --> 00:09:02,373
My husband told you to say that.
202
00:09:02,441 --> 00:09:03,875
No, he didn't.
203
00:09:03,943 --> 00:09:05,587
Did you? No.
204
00:09:05,611 --> 00:09:08,212
Are you ready to take
Me into hootersville now?
205
00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:09,213
Oh, I can't right now.
206
00:09:09,282 --> 00:09:10,359
I'm discussing my crop
207
00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:12,349
With mr. Kimball.
208
00:09:12,418 --> 00:09:15,319
Oh, what a lovely little veet.
209
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:17,199
No, no. That's not wheat.
210
00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:18,656
That's a weed.
211
00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:21,525
What's the difference
Between a veet and a veed?
212
00:09:21,594 --> 00:09:23,094
There's no veet.
213
00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:25,663
In vhich vun?
214
00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:27,209
In anything you've said.
215
00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:28,377
Look, I'll take you
Into hooterville
216
00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:29,712
Just as soon... Ah! Oh.
217
00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:31,335
You said a "V."
218
00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:33,749
Well, there is a
"V" in hooterville.
219
00:09:33,773 --> 00:09:35,940
I hope there's also
A beauty parlor.
220
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:40,178
Beauty shop, huh?
Well, let's see...
221
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:42,180
Oh. Sue anne bedlington.
222
00:09:42,248 --> 00:09:43,681
Oh, is she any good?
223
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:45,850
She's the best
Blacksmith in the county.
224
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:47,185
Blacksmith?
225
00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:48,731
Yeah, she does all
The horse tail braidin'
226
00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:50,188
At the county fair.
227
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:51,901
She probably be glad to help you
228
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:53,569
If there's no horses waitin'.
229
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:55,237
Well, I don't want
To stand in line
230
00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:56,739
With horses. Now, look here...
231
00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:59,030
Lisa, lisa, please.
Look, mr. Drucker,
232
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:01,199
I have got to have
Some fertilizer.
233
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:02,912
I'll be glad to help
You as soon as I finish
234
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:04,035
My inventory.
235
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:05,748
How come that you
Are glad to help him,
236
00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:07,371
But you won't help me?
237
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:09,373
Well, I could if you
Needed some fertilizer.
238
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,542
Well, all I need
Is a beauty parlor.
239
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:12,877
Well, I'm sorry, mrs. Douglas.
240
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,712
There just ain't one
In the whole valley.
241
00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:17,062
What kind of a valley
Do you call yourself
242
00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:18,397
Without a beauty parlor?
243
00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:19,595
Well... That's the trouble
244
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,259
With you men. All for one,
245
00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:22,932
And no one for a beauty parlor.
246
00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:23,888
Lisa... You men,
247
00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:25,267
You want us to be beautiful.
248
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:26,769
Now, how can we be beautiful
249
00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:28,771
If we haven't got a
Place to go and do it?
250
00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:30,561
But... Those days are
251
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:32,730
Here and gone. On
This every other
252
00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:34,777
Wednesday afternoon
Discussion club,
253
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:36,445
We are going to
Have more to discuss
254
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:38,280
On this every other
Wednesday afternoon
255
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:39,949
Than we ever had on any other
256
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,617
Every other wednesday afternoon.
257
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:43,340
Beauty parlors.
258
00:10:43,409 --> 00:10:45,576
That's what I'm here to discuss:
259
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:46,911
A beauty parlor.
260
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:48,913
We need one in the valley.
261
00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:50,915
What for?
262
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:52,416
Mrs. Ziffel,
263
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:55,586
When your husband comes
Home tired from the barn,
264
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:58,022
Don't you want to
Look nice for him?
265
00:10:58,091 --> 00:10:59,924
Fred? Ha.
266
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:02,927
All he cares about is his pigs.
267
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:05,629
Mrs. Ziffel, don't you
Want him to notice you?
268
00:11:05,698 --> 00:11:07,799
The only time fred
Ziffel'd notice me
269
00:11:07,867 --> 00:11:09,578
Is if I had a long snoot
270
00:11:09,602 --> 00:11:12,369
And an apple in my mouth.
271
00:11:12,438 --> 00:11:15,406
Oh, be quiet, doris. Let's
Listen to mrs. Douglas.
272
00:11:15,474 --> 00:11:17,374
Thank you, mrs. Watson.
273
00:11:17,443 --> 00:11:19,543
Every woman should
Have her hair done.
274
00:11:19,612 --> 00:11:21,545
Now, how could we
Go to a cocktail party
275
00:11:21,614 --> 00:11:23,047
With our hair like this?
276
00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:24,215
Or to the opera?
277
00:11:24,284 --> 00:11:26,217
Or on a ride on
Somebody's yacht?
278
00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:29,320
I never rode on a
Yacht. What is it?
279
00:11:29,388 --> 00:11:31,055
It's a boat.
280
00:11:31,124 --> 00:11:32,601
Oh, when fred was courtin' me,
281
00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:33,769
He took me for a boat ride
282
00:11:33,793 --> 00:11:35,726
Down the tunnel of love.
283
00:11:35,795 --> 00:11:39,897
I never saw anybody
Get so seasick.
284
00:11:39,966 --> 00:11:43,301
Well, I would love
A beauty parlor.
285
00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:45,114
You sure could
Do with one, cora.
286
00:11:45,138 --> 00:11:47,438
Not half as much as you.
287
00:11:47,506 --> 00:11:48,951
Would you like to step out
288
00:11:48,975 --> 00:11:49,907
On the porch?
289
00:11:49,976 --> 00:11:50,976
I certainly would!
290
00:11:51,010 --> 00:11:54,912
Ladies, ladies, please.
291
00:11:54,981 --> 00:11:56,959
I think having a
Real beauty parlor
292
00:11:56,983 --> 00:11:59,083
In hooterville is
A wonderful idea.
293
00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:01,452
So do I. But how
Will we get one?
294
00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:04,255
If you appoint me to
The committee in charge,
295
00:12:04,324 --> 00:12:05,756
I get you one.
296
00:12:05,825 --> 00:12:06,869
Ok, let's put it to a vote.
297
00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:09,227
All those in favor,
Raise their hand.
298
00:12:10,429 --> 00:12:12,096
In-favor's have it.
299
00:12:20,439 --> 00:12:21,583
Honey. Ah.
300
00:12:21,607 --> 00:12:22,539
When'd you get home?
301
00:12:22,608 --> 00:12:23,540
Just now.
302
00:12:23,609 --> 00:12:25,087
Who you gonna call? Mother.
303
00:12:25,111 --> 00:12:26,111
What about?
304
00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:28,712
The in-favors voted
For a beauty parlor,
305
00:12:28,781 --> 00:12:30,014
And I'm the committee.
306
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:31,182
What committee?
307
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:33,117
The "Get one" committee.
308
00:12:39,292 --> 00:12:41,359
What's my mother
Got to do with it?
309
00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:43,460
If anyone can, she can.
310
00:12:50,469 --> 00:12:51,469
Hello?
311
00:12:51,537 --> 00:12:54,005
Hello, mother. This is lisa.
312
00:12:54,073 --> 00:12:56,407
Lisa, darling,
You're in new york.
313
00:12:56,475 --> 00:12:58,575
You escaped!
314
00:12:58,644 --> 00:12:59,743
No, mother,
315
00:12:59,812 --> 00:13:03,247
I'm still up here on
The top of the pole.
316
00:13:03,316 --> 00:13:05,127
When is that frontier
Phone company
317
00:13:05,151 --> 00:13:07,919
Going to put the
Phone in the house?
318
00:13:07,987 --> 00:13:10,354
Mother, mother,
I need your help.
319
00:13:10,423 --> 00:13:11,855
We got to have a beauty parlor
320
00:13:11,925 --> 00:13:13,057
Here in hootersville.
321
00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:16,193
You mean, you don't have one?
322
00:13:16,262 --> 00:13:17,194
Pack your things.
323
00:13:17,263 --> 00:13:20,197
I'll send a plane
For you immediately.
324
00:13:20,266 --> 00:13:22,900
Hon, I promised the
Ladies at the club.
325
00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:24,201
Club?
326
00:13:24,270 --> 00:13:25,580
You mean oliver's allowing you
327
00:13:25,604 --> 00:13:28,372
To fraternize with the natives?
328
00:13:28,441 --> 00:13:31,542
Mother, we need
Somebody to do our hair.
329
00:13:31,610 --> 00:13:33,044
Could you send somebody?
330
00:13:33,112 --> 00:13:35,257
Well, I could call the
Immigration department
331
00:13:35,281 --> 00:13:36,758
And ask them if they
Have a hairdresser
332
00:13:36,782 --> 00:13:38,882
They'd like to deport.
333
00:13:38,952 --> 00:13:40,617
Mother, please.
334
00:13:40,686 --> 00:13:43,120
All right, darling.
335
00:13:43,189 --> 00:13:45,389
Let me see, now.
336
00:13:45,458 --> 00:13:46,890
Oh, of course!
337
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,270
Claude of the ritz plaza.
338
00:13:48,294 --> 00:13:49,934
I'll call him immediately.
339
00:13:53,967 --> 00:13:56,733
Well, here you are, clyde.
340
00:13:56,802 --> 00:13:58,902
Claude.
341
00:13:58,972 --> 00:14:00,237
Who lives here?
342
00:14:00,306 --> 00:14:02,239
Mr. And ms. Douglas.
343
00:14:02,308 --> 00:14:06,077
Then the rumors I heard
In new york are true.
344
00:14:06,145 --> 00:14:07,744
He's drinking.
345
00:14:07,813 --> 00:14:10,848
Mr. Douglas is
Not a drinkin' man.
346
00:14:10,916 --> 00:14:14,185
Uh, but I am. You got
Anything in the case?
347
00:14:14,253 --> 00:14:17,188
Would you like a
Little hair lacquer?
348
00:14:17,256 --> 00:14:18,622
How old is it?
349
00:14:20,593 --> 00:14:23,361
Oh, hey, just a
Second, there, clyde.
350
00:14:23,429 --> 00:14:25,029
That's claude.
351
00:14:25,098 --> 00:14:29,367
Well, you owe me
$1.65 for the taxi ride.
352
00:14:29,435 --> 00:14:32,536
$1.65?!
353
00:14:32,605 --> 00:14:34,249
That's a dollar for the ride,
354
00:14:34,273 --> 00:14:37,375
And the 65 is for
Trip insurance.
355
00:14:37,443 --> 00:14:41,045
I'll not pay you a penny
More than 50 cents.
356
00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:42,591
Now, just a second, claude.
357
00:14:42,615 --> 00:14:44,048
That's clyde... I mean...
358
00:14:44,117 --> 00:14:48,552
Well, whoever you are,
You still owe me $1.65.
359
00:14:48,621 --> 00:14:50,388
Sue me.
360
00:14:50,456 --> 00:14:52,556
I might just do that.
361
00:14:52,625 --> 00:14:54,125
Mr. Douglas!
362
00:14:54,193 --> 00:14:56,227
Yes?
363
00:14:57,963 --> 00:15:00,231
I want you to meet my attorney.
364
00:15:00,299 --> 00:15:01,776
Mr. Douglas, I want you to sue
365
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:04,235
This feller for $1.65.
366
00:15:04,303 --> 00:15:06,404
And cost.
367
00:15:06,472 --> 00:15:08,072
Well, uh,
368
00:15:08,141 --> 00:15:11,842
My advice to you is to,
Uh, settle out of court.
369
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:14,223
Oh, well, how about a dollar?
370
00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:17,681
Very well.
371
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:18,894
Thank you.
372
00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:20,518
And thank you.
373
00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:22,986
And here's your 15 cents change.
374
00:15:23,056 --> 00:15:24,555
15 cents?
375
00:15:24,623 --> 00:15:27,691
Yes. The 85 cents is
For the legal advice
376
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,460
To settle out of court.
377
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:34,532
Mr. Douglas, you mother sent me.
378
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:36,534
I am claude of the ritz plaza.
379
00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:39,370
Oh, you're mother's hairdresser.
380
00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:41,372
Hair stylist, if you please.
381
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:44,375
Oh. How did she get you
To come way out here?
382
00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:45,921
Ha ha ha! Well, mr. Douglas,
383
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:48,212
Everyone has a
Skeleton in their closet.
384
00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:49,925
Somehow, your mother found mine.
385
00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:52,261
All she had to do was
To say one word to me:
386
00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:54,552
Scranton.
387
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:57,054
And here I am.
388
00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:58,934
What happened in scranton?
389
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,724
Well...
390
00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:05,362
I don't think that's
Any of your business.
391
00:16:05,431 --> 00:16:07,898
And now, if you'll
Take me to your wife.
392
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,567
Oh, uh, she's in hooterville
393
00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:11,835
Looking for a place for
You to use as a beauty shop.
394
00:16:11,904 --> 00:16:13,215
Well, what do I need a shop for?
395
00:16:13,239 --> 00:16:15,839
I just came here to
Do your wife's hair.
396
00:16:15,908 --> 00:16:17,841
Didn't mother tell
You about the ladies'
397
00:16:17,910 --> 00:16:21,178
Every other wednesday
Afternoon discussion club?
398
00:16:21,247 --> 00:16:24,348
What is that?
399
00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:25,849
That is a discussion club
400
00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:27,218
Where they need their hair done.
401
00:16:27,286 --> 00:16:29,853
Well, I'm certainly
Not going to open
402
00:16:29,922 --> 00:16:31,962
A beauty salon
In a place like this.
403
00:16:33,926 --> 00:16:35,292
Scranton.
404
00:16:38,431 --> 00:16:40,351
How many women are there?
405
00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:48,567
I'm sorry, mrs. Douglas,
I'd like to help you,
406
00:16:48,591 --> 00:16:50,569
But I just can't let
You use my back room
407
00:16:50,593 --> 00:16:51,859
For a beauty shop.
408
00:16:51,928 --> 00:16:54,862
The barber wouldn't
Let us use his shop, either.
409
00:16:54,931 --> 00:16:56,742
I-I-I don't know
What you can do.
410
00:16:56,766 --> 00:17:00,034
All I need is a place for
The women to sit down
411
00:17:00,103 --> 00:17:01,368
And get beautiful.
412
00:17:02,605 --> 00:17:03,537
Excuse me.
413
00:17:03,606 --> 00:17:04,750
Train leavin' on track one,
414
00:17:04,774 --> 00:17:06,085
Which is the only one we got,
415
00:17:06,109 --> 00:17:08,253
For bleaker's creek,
Shady rest hotel,
416
00:17:08,277 --> 00:17:09,143
And pixley.
417
00:17:09,211 --> 00:17:10,310
'board!
418
00:17:10,379 --> 00:17:13,247
Oh, mr. Smoots, darling...
419
00:17:15,051 --> 00:17:16,917
Can I talk to you privately?
420
00:17:23,059 --> 00:17:26,326
Oh, mrs. Wilkins, you're
Drying beautifully.
421
00:17:26,395 --> 00:17:28,929
Oh, mrs. Prentiss,
I'm sure you are dry.
422
00:17:32,234 --> 00:17:34,101
How do I look? Here.
423
00:17:36,572 --> 00:17:38,505
I'm beautiful.
424
00:17:38,574 --> 00:17:41,008
Mrs. Prentiss, now
You can go home.
425
00:17:41,077 --> 00:17:42,176
I'm afraid to move.
426
00:17:42,244 --> 00:17:44,679
Now, there.
427
00:17:44,747 --> 00:17:47,347
Floyd, how'd you get into this?
428
00:17:47,416 --> 00:17:49,061
Well, I ain't quite sure.
429
00:17:49,085 --> 00:17:51,063
All I remember is
Mrs. Douglas said
430
00:17:51,087 --> 00:17:54,155
To me, "Mr. Smoots, darlink,"
431
00:17:54,223 --> 00:17:56,383
And then everything went black.
432
00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:05,866
Which one was that?
433
00:18:05,935 --> 00:18:07,201
Mrs. Prentiss.
434
00:18:07,269 --> 00:18:09,369
Well, I'll be doggone.
435
00:18:09,438 --> 00:18:10,683
You think he could do anything
436
00:18:10,707 --> 00:18:11,827
For me, charlie?
437
00:18:11,874 --> 00:18:13,640
Mercy.
438
00:18:13,710 --> 00:18:15,310
You're next, mrs. Watson.
439
00:18:15,377 --> 00:18:16,977
Ooh, I can hardly wait.
440
00:18:17,046 --> 00:18:19,046
I'm gonna be beautiful, girls.
441
00:18:19,115 --> 00:18:22,282
Claude, when are you
Ready for mrs. Watson?
442
00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:25,319
This antiquated
Equipment is impossible.
443
00:18:25,387 --> 00:18:27,988
Where did you get this
Permanent wave machine?
444
00:18:28,057 --> 00:18:30,825
The blacksmith shop.
445
00:18:30,893 --> 00:18:33,293
Yecch.
446
00:18:33,362 --> 00:18:35,229
Well, now.
447
00:18:36,398 --> 00:18:38,498
What have we here? And, uh...
448
00:18:38,567 --> 00:18:41,335
What would you
Like me to do with it?
449
00:18:41,403 --> 00:18:42,837
Make me beautiful.
450
00:18:42,905 --> 00:18:45,172
He's a hairdresser,
Not a magician.
451
00:18:45,241 --> 00:18:46,907
Ha ha ha!
452
00:18:48,244 --> 00:18:49,888
Oh, how I'd love
To short circuit
453
00:18:49,912 --> 00:18:51,445
Your head.
454
00:18:53,082 --> 00:18:54,849
Don't worry, mrs. Watson.
455
00:18:54,917 --> 00:18:58,018
Claude will make you beautiful.
456
00:18:58,087 --> 00:19:00,298
Do you, um, have any
Idea what you'd like?
457
00:19:00,322 --> 00:19:01,856
Oh, yes. Oh, yes.
458
00:19:01,924 --> 00:19:02,857
I want you to do
My hair just like
459
00:19:02,925 --> 00:19:03,858
You did mrs. Prentiss',
460
00:19:03,926 --> 00:19:05,570
Only taller and in red
461
00:19:05,594 --> 00:19:07,072
And with 3 spit curls,
462
00:19:07,096 --> 00:19:10,464
One here, here, and here.
463
00:19:10,532 --> 00:19:13,134
Spit curls?
464
00:19:13,202 --> 00:19:14,802
I absolutely refuse.
465
00:19:14,871 --> 00:19:16,751
Scranton... You're next.
466
00:19:22,879 --> 00:19:24,022
Hello, darling.
467
00:19:24,046 --> 00:19:25,479
Oh, hi. Honey, look, I fixed it,
468
00:19:25,547 --> 00:19:27,481
So it wouldn't come
Off when you try...
469
00:19:27,549 --> 00:19:30,484
Oh, for crying out loud.
470
00:19:30,552 --> 00:19:32,030
Don't you notice anything?
471
00:19:32,054 --> 00:19:34,822
Huh? No. Where've you
Been all afternoon?
472
00:19:34,891 --> 00:19:38,325
Can't you tell? Huh?
473
00:19:38,394 --> 00:19:40,494
The psychiatrist?
474
00:19:40,562 --> 00:19:42,663
The beauty parlor!
475
00:19:42,731 --> 00:19:45,499
Ohh, and you couldn't
Get waited on?
476
00:19:45,567 --> 00:19:47,835
Oliver!
477
00:19:47,904 --> 00:19:49,503
You look beautiful.
478
00:19:49,571 --> 00:19:51,383
Oh, wait till you
See the other women.
479
00:19:51,407 --> 00:19:53,527
They're husbands
Won't recognize them.
480
00:19:59,081 --> 00:20:01,015
Who're you?
481
00:20:01,083 --> 00:20:03,350
Doris your wife!
482
00:20:03,419 --> 00:20:07,188
No, I never had a wife
Of a head that high.
483
00:20:07,256 --> 00:20:09,389
It's the latest fashion, fred.
484
00:20:15,397 --> 00:20:18,199
You see what you
Done? You scared arnold.
485
00:20:18,267 --> 00:20:19,700
Oh, too bad about him.
486
00:20:19,768 --> 00:20:21,202
Well, get that thing off.
487
00:20:21,270 --> 00:20:22,870
I can't. It's all me.
488
00:20:22,939 --> 00:20:25,706
Then, go feed the pigs.
You're an hour late.
489
00:20:25,774 --> 00:20:27,541
Feed 'em yourself.
490
00:20:27,609 --> 00:20:29,376
I'm not gonna move from here
491
00:20:29,445 --> 00:20:31,312
Until my hair is set.
492
00:20:33,950 --> 00:20:35,549
What about my supper?
493
00:20:35,617 --> 00:20:36,717
What about it?
494
00:20:36,785 --> 00:20:38,585
Get in the kitchen and fix it.
495
00:20:38,620 --> 00:20:40,888
I'm not going near the stove.
496
00:20:40,957 --> 00:20:42,823
It'll steam out my spit curls.
497
00:20:56,638 --> 00:20:57,782
What's wrong here?
498
00:20:57,806 --> 00:21:01,075
Mr. Douglas, I brought
You an angry mob.
499
00:21:01,143 --> 00:21:02,263
Well, I, uh, I...
500
00:21:02,311 --> 00:21:03,944
Oh, they're really steamed up.
501
00:21:04,013 --> 00:21:06,080
Care to hire a good
5-dollar bodyguard?
502
00:21:06,148 --> 00:21:07,081
No.
503
00:21:07,149 --> 00:21:08,916
Well, it's just as well.
504
00:21:08,985 --> 00:21:11,185
I can't stand the smell of tar,
505
00:21:11,254 --> 00:21:13,453
And them feathers
Tickle my nose.
506
00:21:15,491 --> 00:21:18,525
Darling, darling,
What's the matter?
507
00:21:18,594 --> 00:21:20,094
Hair.
508
00:21:20,162 --> 00:21:22,074
Since cora had her hair fixed,
509
00:21:22,098 --> 00:21:23,342
She won't fix my supper.
510
00:21:23,366 --> 00:21:24,464
Neither will doris.
511
00:21:24,533 --> 00:21:27,534
She won't even feed the pigs.
512
00:21:27,603 --> 00:21:29,647
And mine won't chop the wood.
513
00:21:29,671 --> 00:21:30,604
She just sits in front
514
00:21:30,672 --> 00:21:31,605
Of the mirror all day
515
00:21:31,673 --> 00:21:33,151
A-lookin' at herself.
516
00:21:34,510 --> 00:21:38,212
Now, uh, mr. Douglas,
You're a city fella,
517
00:21:38,281 --> 00:21:39,713
But we have accepted you,
518
00:21:39,782 --> 00:21:41,748
Even if you do do
Strange things.
519
00:21:41,817 --> 00:21:42,749
Like what?
520
00:21:42,818 --> 00:21:44,251
Buyin' this farm.
521
00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:45,563
Oh, I... Yeah.
522
00:21:45,587 --> 00:21:47,432
And always stickin' up for
523
00:21:47,456 --> 00:21:49,167
The department of agriculture.
524
00:21:49,191 --> 00:21:50,357
Sure, but...
525
00:21:50,426 --> 00:21:51,770
And drivin' a tractor
526
00:21:51,794 --> 00:21:53,827
With your vest on.
527
00:21:53,896 --> 00:21:54,940
Gentlemen, I just...
528
00:21:54,964 --> 00:21:56,730
Now you've gone too far,
529
00:21:56,799 --> 00:21:59,733
Inflictin' your city ways
On us by mollycoddlin'
530
00:21:59,802 --> 00:22:01,701
Our women with that
Fancy hairdresser.
531
00:22:01,770 --> 00:22:03,949
Yeah, they're actin'
Like city women.
532
00:22:03,973 --> 00:22:06,573
They just sit and do nothin'.
533
00:22:06,642 --> 00:22:10,010
Gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen.
534
00:22:10,079 --> 00:22:11,979
I'm surprised at you.
535
00:22:12,048 --> 00:22:15,515
City women and farm
Women are exactly the same.
536
00:22:15,584 --> 00:22:17,017
The only difference is
537
00:22:17,086 --> 00:22:19,019
That the city women
Live in the city,
538
00:22:19,088 --> 00:22:21,188
And the farm women on the farm.
539
00:22:21,257 --> 00:22:23,402
Outside of that, you
Can't tell the difference,
540
00:22:23,426 --> 00:22:24,736
Unless you look at their hair.
541
00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:26,238
Lisa... Now, why do think
542
00:22:26,262 --> 00:22:28,028
These women want
To be beautiful?
543
00:22:28,097 --> 00:22:30,497
For you. For their husbands.
544
00:22:30,566 --> 00:22:33,367
So that when you come
Home from the farm tired,
545
00:22:33,436 --> 00:22:35,369
Well, you don't
Get anything to eat,
546
00:22:35,438 --> 00:22:38,205
But you have something
Beautiful to look at.
547
00:22:38,274 --> 00:22:41,575
All you think of
Is your stomachs.
548
00:22:41,643 --> 00:22:43,710
Do you know what
They have to go through
549
00:22:43,779 --> 00:22:45,045
To be beautiful?
550
00:22:45,114 --> 00:22:46,380
Well, I tell you.
551
00:22:46,449 --> 00:22:49,883
Did you ever sit under
A hot dryer for 3 hours
552
00:22:49,952 --> 00:22:51,885
To have your hair electrified
553
00:22:51,954 --> 00:22:54,488
To be permanented?
554
00:22:54,556 --> 00:22:56,056
Lisa... Please.
555
00:22:56,125 --> 00:22:57,436
Don't interrupt me when I'm mad.
556
00:22:57,460 --> 00:22:58,603
Well, I just want to translate
557
00:22:58,627 --> 00:22:59,559
That last speech.
558
00:22:59,628 --> 00:23:01,228
They understand.
559
00:23:01,297 --> 00:23:02,896
Mr. Ziffel.
560
00:23:02,965 --> 00:23:05,399
When was it the last time
That you told your wife
561
00:23:05,468 --> 00:23:06,666
That she was beautiful?
562
00:23:06,735 --> 00:23:09,836
1929.
563
00:23:09,905 --> 00:23:12,172
Well, tell her again.
564
00:23:12,241 --> 00:23:14,674
And when was the last
Time you gentlemen took out
565
00:23:14,743 --> 00:23:17,111
Your wives for dinner
With a beautiful hair?
566
00:23:20,082 --> 00:23:22,682
Go home. Look at your wives.
567
00:23:22,751 --> 00:23:24,184
Make a date for dinner.
568
00:23:24,253 --> 00:23:27,854
Send them flowers,
Buy them wine, and...
569
00:23:27,923 --> 00:23:31,191
Well, the rest
Of it is up to you.
570
00:23:31,260 --> 00:23:33,127
I thank you, gentlemen.
571
00:23:36,932 --> 00:23:39,533
Maybe she's right, fred.
572
00:23:39,601 --> 00:23:41,701
Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt
573
00:23:41,770 --> 00:23:43,870
To soft talk doris a little.
574
00:23:43,939 --> 00:23:45,539
She's been a good wife.
575
00:23:45,607 --> 00:23:47,374
And there ain't another
Woman in this valley
576
00:23:47,443 --> 00:23:49,809
Can get along with my
Pigs better than doris.
577
00:23:52,781 --> 00:23:54,881
Lisa? Lisa?
578
00:23:54,950 --> 00:23:57,051
Yes, darling?
579
00:23:57,119 --> 00:23:58,399
What are you all dressed up for?
580
00:23:58,454 --> 00:24:00,220
For dinner.
581
00:24:00,289 --> 00:24:01,721
You're gonna
Cook dinner in that?
582
00:24:01,790 --> 00:24:03,557
Where are my flowers?
583
00:24:03,625 --> 00:24:04,724
Flowers?
584
00:24:04,793 --> 00:24:06,393
And where is the wine?
585
00:24:06,462 --> 00:24:07,561
Wine?
586
00:24:07,629 --> 00:24:09,996
Put on your tuxedo.
We're going out.
587
00:24:10,066 --> 00:24:11,498
We're going out?
588
00:24:11,567 --> 00:24:13,045
You didn't listen
While I was talking
589
00:24:13,069 --> 00:24:14,668
To the men?
590
00:24:14,736 --> 00:24:15,835
Oh.
591
00:24:15,904 --> 00:24:17,504
Oh, honey, I'm not
Gonna get dressed up
592
00:24:17,573 --> 00:24:19,005
And go out to dinner tonight.
593
00:24:19,075 --> 00:24:21,007
Scranton.
594
00:24:21,077 --> 00:24:22,842
Huh?
595
00:24:22,911 --> 00:24:25,345
Oh, no, that doesn't
Work for me. No, no.
596
00:24:25,414 --> 00:24:26,680
Anyway, get dressed.
597
00:24:26,748 --> 00:24:30,517
I make a reservation at
The hootersville diner.
598
00:24:30,586 --> 00:24:32,519
Come here.
599
00:24:32,588 --> 00:24:34,455
Ohh, don't muss my hair.
600
00:24:36,592 --> 00:24:38,459
Not too much.
601
00:24:39,595 --> 00:24:43,029
Hey, tell me,
602
00:24:43,099 --> 00:24:45,532
What did happen in
Scranton, anyway?
603
00:24:45,601 --> 00:24:47,033
I don't know.
604
00:24:47,103 --> 00:24:50,036
Captioning made possible
By mgm home entertainment
605
00:24:50,106 --> 00:24:53,226
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38253
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