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Captioning made possible
By mgm home entertainment
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Oliver: ♪ green acres
Is the place to be ♪
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00:00:28,729 --> 00:00:32,497
♪ farm livin' is
The life for me ♪
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♪ land spreadin'
Out so far and wide ♪
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00:00:36,636 --> 00:00:40,338
♪ keep manhattan, just
Give me that countryside ♪
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00:00:40,407 --> 00:00:42,007
Lisa: ♪ new york ♪
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00:00:42,076 --> 00:00:44,409
♪ is where I'd rather stay ♪
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♪ I get allergic ♪
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♪ smelling hay ♪
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00:00:48,648 --> 00:00:52,084
♪ I just adore a
Penthouse view ♪
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♪ darling, I love you ♪
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♪ but give me park avenue ♪
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♪ the chores ♪
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♪ the stores ♪
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00:01:01,929 --> 00:01:03,695
♪ fresh air ♪
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00:01:03,764 --> 00:01:04,874
♪ times square ♪
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00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:06,431
♪ you are my wife ♪
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00:01:06,499 --> 00:01:08,311
♪ good-bye, city life ♪
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♪ green acres, we are there ♪
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Lisa: oliver... What?
21
00:01:41,301 --> 00:01:43,901
I've got a rock in my pot.
22
00:01:43,970 --> 00:01:46,904
You've got a rock in your pot?
23
00:01:46,973 --> 00:01:48,184
I'll, uh, I'll fix
It in a minute.
24
00:01:48,208 --> 00:01:50,942
I'm waiting to hear
The commodity prices.
25
00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:06,591
Radio: and now, for
The wheat prices.
26
00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:10,228
At the chicago exchange,
Wheat opened steady and...
27
00:02:14,434 --> 00:02:17,201
What's the price of wheat?
28
00:02:17,271 --> 00:02:20,538
Darling, I think the fooz blew.
29
00:02:20,607 --> 00:02:22,340
Fooz?
30
00:02:22,409 --> 00:02:23,919
Yes, like when we
Were in new york,
31
00:02:23,943 --> 00:02:25,223
And the lights went out.
32
00:02:25,279 --> 00:02:27,590
And you telephoned down
To the superintendent,
33
00:02:27,614 --> 00:02:31,048
And he came up, and
He put in a new fooz.
34
00:02:31,117 --> 00:02:32,717
Fuse.
35
00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:34,386
And it was a generator
That you blew out.
36
00:02:34,454 --> 00:02:36,554
We don't have fooz... Fuses.
37
00:02:36,623 --> 00:02:38,723
And just as I was
Learning the wheat prices.
38
00:02:38,792 --> 00:02:40,258
You know I've decided
To plant wheat.
39
00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:42,605
I'm sorry, darling, but
Something happened
40
00:02:42,629 --> 00:02:44,896
When I plugged
In the coffee pot.
41
00:02:44,964 --> 00:02:47,899
Oh, coffee pot's
Only a number 2.
42
00:02:47,967 --> 00:02:49,301
What else you got plugged in?
43
00:02:52,306 --> 00:02:55,072
Oh, well, no wonder
The generator blew out.
44
00:02:55,141 --> 00:02:56,441
You've got 8 plugged in.
45
00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:58,876
No, only 4.
46
00:02:58,945 --> 00:03:01,413
The number of plugs
Doesn't make the difference.
47
00:03:01,481 --> 00:03:03,915
It's the number on the plugs...
48
00:03:03,983 --> 00:03:05,249
That makes the difference.
49
00:03:05,319 --> 00:03:06,319
Oh.
50
00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:07,673
I thought I
Explained that to you.
51
00:03:07,721 --> 00:03:08,986
You did.
52
00:03:09,055 --> 00:03:09,921
I thought you understood it.
53
00:03:09,989 --> 00:03:12,357
I didn't.
54
00:03:12,426 --> 00:03:15,026
Well, all right,
I'll explain it again.
55
00:03:15,094 --> 00:03:20,198
Uh, the whole thing is
Based on the principle of 7.
56
00:03:20,266 --> 00:03:22,600
That's the maximum load
The generator can carry.
57
00:03:22,669 --> 00:03:24,869
Now, the bigger
Electrical appliances,
58
00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:26,081
They have the biggest numbers,
59
00:03:26,105 --> 00:03:28,840
As I've indicated
On the chart here.
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00:03:28,908 --> 00:03:30,709
The can opener is 1.
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00:03:30,777 --> 00:03:33,878
Coffee pot, electric iron,
Toaster, mixer, that's 2.
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00:03:33,947 --> 00:03:35,714
Frying pan 3, rotisserie 4,
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00:03:35,782 --> 00:03:36,948
Dishwasher 5,
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00:03:37,016 --> 00:03:39,884
Washing machine,
Freezer, and refrigerator...
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00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:41,453
They draw the most
Electricity, see,
66
00:03:41,521 --> 00:03:43,087
So they're 6.
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00:03:43,156 --> 00:03:44,522
Understand?
68
00:03:46,292 --> 00:03:48,893
You don't understand.
69
00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:50,562
All right.
70
00:03:50,630 --> 00:03:53,231
That's the washing
Machine. That's 6.
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00:03:53,299 --> 00:03:54,444
Huh? Yeah.
72
00:03:54,468 --> 00:03:58,236
Now, with a 6, you
Can only have a 1.
73
00:03:58,304 --> 00:04:00,071
Because that adds up to 7.
74
00:04:00,139 --> 00:04:01,239
Huh?
75
00:04:01,307 --> 00:04:04,242
Now, that can only
Be the can opener.
76
00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:07,912
You see? Unless you don't
Use the washing machine,
77
00:04:07,981 --> 00:04:11,349
And then you could use,
Oh, say, the electric iron.
78
00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:13,518
What's that for?
79
00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:16,521
Iron clothes.
80
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:17,955
Which one is that?
81
00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:23,027
Haven't you ever used this?
82
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,463
Oh, yes, to hold the door open.
83
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:30,201
Uh...
84
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:32,537
The main thing to
Remember is that
85
00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:36,207
The total cannot be more than 7.
86
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:37,642
Now, you understand?
87
00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:40,879
You don't understand.
88
00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:43,047
Yes, I do understand.
89
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:45,884
I am going to make coffee,
90
00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:50,555
So I pull out the 3,
And I push in the 2.
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00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:53,057
Good girl.
92
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:54,392
You love me?
93
00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:56,060
Of course I love you.
94
00:04:56,129 --> 00:05:00,899
But not enough to
Let me plug in the 3.
95
00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:02,779
It doesn't make any
Difference, anyhow,
96
00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:05,281
What you plug in till I
Get the generator fixed.
97
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:07,772
While you are at it, could
You fix the water, too?
98
00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:08,773
What's the matter with it?
99
00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:10,909
Come. I show you.
100
00:05:12,078 --> 00:05:14,512
This came out of it. What?
101
00:05:14,581 --> 00:05:16,113
You think there's gold in it?
102
00:05:18,585 --> 00:05:20,452
I'll fix the generator.
103
00:05:38,271 --> 00:05:39,704
Have you seen my screwdriver?
104
00:05:39,773 --> 00:05:41,539
I can't... No.
105
00:05:41,608 --> 00:05:43,541
Oh. Everything's gotta
Happen to me today.
106
00:05:43,610 --> 00:05:44,754
I'm trying to get
Into mr. Drucker's
107
00:05:44,778 --> 00:05:46,043
To put my order in,
108
00:05:46,112 --> 00:05:47,757
Otherwise, I wouldn't
Get my planting done.
109
00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:49,258
What are you going to plant?
110
00:05:49,282 --> 00:05:51,048
Seed wheat. Oh, seaweed.
111
00:05:51,117 --> 00:05:53,095
I thought they grew
That in the ocean.
112
00:05:53,119 --> 00:05:55,553
No, not seaweed. Seed wheat.
113
00:05:55,622 --> 00:05:58,222
Wheat seed you plant
To get wheat from.
114
00:06:00,126 --> 00:06:03,060
What's that? Coffee.
115
00:06:03,129 --> 00:06:04,529
Ohh, here.
116
00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:09,545
You put the coffee pot on the...
117
00:06:09,569 --> 00:06:12,670
It's welded to the lid.
118
00:06:12,739 --> 00:06:16,007
Well, can you get me
Another coffee pot?
119
00:06:16,075 --> 00:06:17,887
I'll ask mr. Drucker
When I go in
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00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:20,512
To get my seaweed.
I'll see... See... Seed
121
00:06:20,580 --> 00:06:22,514
Wh-wheat seed!
122
00:06:22,582 --> 00:06:24,022
Oh, darling. Ohh!
123
00:06:24,083 --> 00:06:26,283
Be careful, you'll blow a fooz.
124
00:06:29,088 --> 00:06:30,354
I say corn.
125
00:06:30,423 --> 00:06:31,689
And I say soy beans.
126
00:06:31,758 --> 00:06:32,902
Could I get waited on?
127
00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:34,826
Corn. Soy beans.
128
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:35,827
Corn.
129
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:36,828
Could I get waited on?
130
00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:38,095
What do you want?
131
00:06:38,164 --> 00:06:39,876
2 sticks of chewing gum.
132
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:40,965
What?
133
00:06:41,034 --> 00:06:43,434
Assorted. Give
Me a fruit flavor...
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00:06:43,503 --> 00:06:45,537
I don't break up a pack.
135
00:06:45,605 --> 00:06:47,750
Give it to me, I'll break it up.
136
00:06:47,774 --> 00:06:49,206
Joe, will you stop interruptin'?
137
00:06:49,275 --> 00:06:50,708
Now, this is important.
138
00:06:50,777 --> 00:06:52,254
Fellas, you better
Make up your minds,
139
00:06:52,278 --> 00:06:54,559
Otherwise, I can't guarantee
To deliver your seed on time.
140
00:06:54,614 --> 00:06:56,692
Got any loose jellybeans?
141
00:06:56,716 --> 00:06:58,883
Joe!
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00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:01,719
Sam, you can put me
Down for soy beans.
143
00:07:01,788 --> 00:07:03,821
75 bushels of corn.
144
00:07:03,890 --> 00:07:06,390
Fred, you're making a mistake.
145
00:07:06,459 --> 00:07:09,661
Ben, when doris's
Lumbago starts acting up,
146
00:07:09,729 --> 00:07:12,163
It's a sure sign to plant corn.
147
00:07:12,231 --> 00:07:14,832
When emily gets
Her cranky spells,
148
00:07:14,901 --> 00:07:16,846
You better be out
There planting soy beans.
149
00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:19,837
Doris's lumbago's
Been right more times
150
00:07:19,906 --> 00:07:21,205
Than emily's cranky spells.
151
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:22,885
Oh, I don't agree with that.
152
00:07:22,909 --> 00:07:25,190
Well, now, you remember
What happened back in '48.
153
00:07:25,244 --> 00:07:26,556
There's only one
Way to settle this.
154
00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:27,511
Yeah, with a nickel.
155
00:07:27,581 --> 00:07:30,347
Put it on my account.
156
00:07:30,416 --> 00:07:32,183
Boys...
157
00:07:32,251 --> 00:07:33,896
Gotta approach
This plantin' problem
158
00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:35,352
Scientifically.
159
00:07:35,421 --> 00:07:37,188
Now, just how bad
Is doris's lumbago?
160
00:07:37,256 --> 00:07:40,024
The worst she's ever had.
161
00:07:40,093 --> 00:07:42,071
I have to push her out
Of bed every morning
162
00:07:42,095 --> 00:07:44,528
To get her to feed the pigs.
163
00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:45,730
How cranky's emily been?
164
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:47,577
Well, she's been yammering at me
165
00:07:47,601 --> 00:07:49,000
For 2 weeks now.
166
00:07:49,069 --> 00:07:50,079
Every day? No.
167
00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:53,037
It's been more like
Every other day.
168
00:07:53,106 --> 00:07:56,040
'fraid I'll have to go
Along with doris's lumbago.
169
00:07:56,109 --> 00:07:58,042
Me, too, ben. Doris has ached up
170
00:07:58,111 --> 00:08:02,046
Some of the best corn crops
We've ever had in the valley.
171
00:08:02,115 --> 00:08:03,759
Well, I gotta admit,
Emily ain't been
172
00:08:03,783 --> 00:08:07,218
Real soy bean cranky.
173
00:08:07,286 --> 00:08:09,654
Better put me
Down for corn, too.
174
00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:11,089
Good.
175
00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:16,520
You were gonna charge
Me 5 cents for this?
176
00:08:16,562 --> 00:08:17,873
Ain't hardly worth finishin'.
177
00:08:17,897 --> 00:08:20,164
Joe, you...
178
00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:22,533
Morning, gentlemen.
179
00:08:22,603 --> 00:08:24,335
Mornin', mr. Douglas.
180
00:08:24,404 --> 00:08:25,715
Is there something
I can do for you?
181
00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:27,550
I want to place an order.
182
00:08:27,574 --> 00:08:29,440
Like to split a package of gum?
183
00:08:31,411 --> 00:08:33,011
No. No, thank you.
184
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:34,512
You can choose a flavor.
185
00:08:34,581 --> 00:08:36,681
No, thank you very much.
186
00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:37,882
I want to order my seed.
187
00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:41,185
I was just takin' fred's
And ben's order for seed.
188
00:08:41,254 --> 00:08:43,214
Now, how much corn
Can I put you down for?
189
00:08:43,256 --> 00:08:45,356
Corn?
190
00:08:45,425 --> 00:08:46,791
I'm planting wheat.
191
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:49,193
Wheat?!
192
00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:50,394
Yes.
193
00:08:50,463 --> 00:08:52,141
Your wife got any wheat bumps?
194
00:08:52,165 --> 00:08:53,932
What are wheat bumps?
195
00:08:54,001 --> 00:08:55,533
Oh, they're little knobs
196
00:08:55,602 --> 00:08:58,369
Some folks get on their
Heads this time of year.
197
00:08:58,438 --> 00:09:00,872
It's a good sign
For plantin' wheat.
198
00:09:00,941 --> 00:09:02,585
Her bumps wouldn't
Really count, anyway.
199
00:09:02,609 --> 00:09:04,042
She's a city girl.
200
00:09:04,111 --> 00:09:07,712
She might be bumpin'
Onions for all we know.
201
00:09:07,781 --> 00:09:10,815
My wife is not bumping anything.
202
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:12,651
Joe, mr. Douglas
Doesn't even know
203
00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:13,863
What you're talking about.
204
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,486
No. No, I'm sorry
To have... Now...
205
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:16,487
About my seed...
206
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:17,822
Mr. Douglas.
207
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,035
Take the advice of a man
208
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:21,037
That's been farmin' 40 years.
209
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,594
Don't fly in the face
Of doris's lumbago.
210
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:28,566
Your wife has lumbago?
I'm sorry to hear that.
211
00:09:28,635 --> 00:09:31,836
Don't knock it. It's
Money in the bank.
212
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:34,338
Mr. Douglas, you see,
The kind of weather
213
00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:36,174
That brings on doris's lumbago
214
00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:38,309
Seems to be the best
For growin' corn.
215
00:09:38,378 --> 00:09:40,645
Oh...
216
00:09:40,714 --> 00:09:42,892
Emily gets cranky spells.
217
00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:46,417
For corn? Soy beans.
218
00:09:46,486 --> 00:09:48,564
Ain't met anybody with
Swollen ankles, have you?
219
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:49,688
No.
220
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:51,233
Well, carrots ain't
A very good crop
221
00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:53,692
Around here, anyway.
222
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:56,027
Gentlemen.
223
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:59,363
I know you're all
Successful farmers,
224
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:01,700
But there are better
Scientific methods
225
00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:04,368
Of farming than
Basing your crops on...
226
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,204
On aches and pains.
227
00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:07,550
What do you base yours on?
228
00:10:07,574 --> 00:10:09,473
The department of agriculture.
229
00:10:09,542 --> 00:10:11,710
Who?
230
00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:14,779
The united states
Department of agriculture.
231
00:10:14,848 --> 00:10:17,882
I didn't know they had one.
232
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,851
Of course. In washington.
233
00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:21,363
They tell you
What to plant, huh?
234
00:10:21,387 --> 00:10:22,721
No. No, they don't do that.
235
00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:23,900
What do they plant?
236
00:10:23,924 --> 00:10:25,323
Oh, they're not
Planting anything.
237
00:10:25,391 --> 00:10:29,160
Ain't got any faith in
Their own judgment, huh?
238
00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:32,396
Gentlemen, since the day
The department of agriculture
239
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:35,066
Was founded, the
Farmer has access
240
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:38,903
To the finest scientific
Brains in america.
241
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:41,740
He's no longer
Alone in his fields.
242
00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:43,842
He knows that back
There in washington
243
00:10:43,910 --> 00:10:46,577
There's an army
Of agriculturists,
244
00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:48,913
Agronomists, chemists,
Bacteriologists,
245
00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:52,217
Meteorologists
Peering into microscopes,
246
00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:53,796
Heating up test tubes, you know,
247
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,254
Releasing balloons,
Culling information,
248
00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:58,300
Gathering data,
Sorting, probing, shifting
249
00:10:58,324 --> 00:11:00,258
With but one thought in mind:
250
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:04,162
What crops are good for america.
251
00:11:04,231 --> 00:11:08,432
Now, the microscopes are dark,
252
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:09,578
The test tubes are cooled off,
253
00:11:09,602 --> 00:11:11,870
And the balloons
Are all recovered,
254
00:11:11,938 --> 00:11:14,873
And the answer is wheat,
255
00:11:14,941 --> 00:11:16,374
Gentlemen...
256
00:11:16,442 --> 00:11:19,043
I am planting wheat.
257
00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:21,880
That sure convinces me.
258
00:11:21,948 --> 00:11:23,714
Me, too.
259
00:11:23,784 --> 00:11:25,864
I think I'll double
My order of corn.
260
00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:35,559
Wheat? Yes, sir.
261
00:11:35,628 --> 00:11:37,561
Well, wheat is a good crop.
262
00:11:37,630 --> 00:11:39,898
Well, it's not a
Good crop, it's, uh...
263
00:11:39,966 --> 00:11:41,232
Wheat, huh?
264
00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:43,567
Yeah. Don't try to
Talk me out of it.
265
00:11:43,636 --> 00:11:45,736
That's what the fellas
At the store tried to do.
266
00:11:45,806 --> 00:11:47,784
Mr. Douglas, we county
Agents are not allowed
267
00:11:47,808 --> 00:11:50,241
To talk anyone out of
Making stupid mistakes.
268
00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:52,076
I mean...
269
00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:54,123
Not that you're
Making a stupid mistake.
270
00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:56,080
It's just that, uh...
271
00:11:56,149 --> 00:11:58,269
You're gonna plant
160 acres in wheat?
272
00:11:58,318 --> 00:12:00,251
You bet.
273
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,253
You basing this on bumps?
274
00:12:02,322 --> 00:12:04,088
What?
275
00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:07,758
Oh, you mean that
Silly supers... No, no.
276
00:12:07,828 --> 00:12:09,571
Yeah, it is kinda
Silly, isn't it?
277
00:12:09,595 --> 00:12:10,661
Yeah.
278
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,574
Yeah, we prefer the
Scientific approach.
279
00:12:12,598 --> 00:12:14,699
Well, not strictly scientific.
280
00:12:14,767 --> 00:12:17,702
Sometimes, we, uh,
Well, not sometimes,
281
00:12:17,770 --> 00:12:20,038
A lot of times, we,
Uh, well, let's see,
282
00:12:20,106 --> 00:12:22,207
Chief is so fond of saying,
283
00:12:22,275 --> 00:12:24,420
"As mrs. Ziffel's lumbago goes,
284
00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:26,510
So goes the corn crops."
285
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:29,080
Mrs. Ziffel has lumbago?
286
00:12:29,149 --> 00:12:31,415
Oh, a big crop of it.
287
00:12:31,484 --> 00:12:32,761
Of course, we're
Not sure how big
288
00:12:32,785 --> 00:12:34,219
The crop is, but...
289
00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:35,553
Oh, the poor woman.
290
00:12:35,621 --> 00:12:36,899
I ought to go and visit her.
291
00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:38,356
That'd be nice.
292
00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:39,535
How have you been, mr. Kimball?
293
00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:41,599
Oh, fine. Just fine.
294
00:12:41,627 --> 00:12:43,105
Well, not really fine.
295
00:12:43,129 --> 00:12:44,941
I've been on my
Feet a lot lately.
296
00:12:44,965 --> 00:12:46,108
I think I got a touch
297
00:12:46,132 --> 00:12:48,066
Of carrot ankle.
298
00:12:48,134 --> 00:12:49,812
Not enough to plant by.
299
00:12:49,836 --> 00:12:51,236
What's that?
300
00:12:51,304 --> 00:12:52,570
Uh, that's an old wives' tale.
301
00:12:52,638 --> 00:12:53,950
The people out here
Plant their crops
302
00:12:53,974 --> 00:12:55,740
According to their
Aches and pains.
303
00:12:55,808 --> 00:12:57,608
I had a headache this morning.
304
00:12:57,643 --> 00:12:59,410
Asparagus.
305
00:12:59,479 --> 00:13:00,622
Mr. Douglas, I'd look into that
306
00:13:00,646 --> 00:13:01,579
If I were you.
307
00:13:01,647 --> 00:13:03,625
Asparagus might be the answer.
308
00:13:03,649 --> 00:13:06,251
I'm planting wheat.
309
00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:08,464
How would you two
Like to have some lunch?
310
00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:10,566
That'd be wonderful.
I'm starved.
311
00:13:10,590 --> 00:13:12,857
Me, too. Where do we go?
312
00:13:12,926 --> 00:13:16,194
Oh, lisa, you know there's
No place we can go for lunch.
313
00:13:16,263 --> 00:13:18,029
Oh, yes, there is.
314
00:13:18,098 --> 00:13:21,366
The stork club, 21, tout chaud.
315
00:13:21,434 --> 00:13:23,201
They're all in new york.
316
00:13:23,270 --> 00:13:25,581
Mr. Kimball, how would
You like to take off
317
00:13:25,605 --> 00:13:27,705
A couple of days and have lunch?
318
00:13:27,774 --> 00:13:29,707
Well, I, uh... Lisa.
319
00:13:29,776 --> 00:13:31,976
How about you
Fixing lunch for us?
320
00:13:34,281 --> 00:13:38,216
Well... I could try it.
321
00:13:38,285 --> 00:13:39,428
How would you like to have
322
00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:40,885
Some coffee and toast?
323
00:13:40,954 --> 00:13:42,631
Well, if it wouldn't
Be too much trouble.
324
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:46,224
I don't know. I never made it.
325
00:13:46,293 --> 00:13:47,736
You've never made toast?
326
00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:51,229
Well, I've only
Been here 5 weeks.
327
00:13:51,298 --> 00:13:53,731
Oh, well, I'm really
Not very hungry.
328
00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:56,067
Oh, come on, let me make it.
329
00:13:56,136 --> 00:13:59,737
Mrs. Bradley gave me the recipe.
330
00:13:59,806 --> 00:14:02,407
Toast and coffee'd be just fine.
331
00:14:02,475 --> 00:14:04,909
I'll make it without the coffee.
332
00:14:04,978 --> 00:14:07,578
You forgot to bring
Home the new coffee pot.
333
00:14:07,647 --> 00:14:09,080
Oh, I forgot.
334
00:14:09,149 --> 00:14:10,514
My wife welded the electric pot
335
00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:12,850
To the stove this morning.
336
00:14:12,919 --> 00:14:15,398
You learned to weld in 5 weeks?
337
00:14:15,422 --> 00:14:17,166
That's very good. Excellent.
338
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:18,789
Uh, no, no, no.
339
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:20,391
This was an accident.
340
00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:22,238
That could happen
To the best of us.
341
00:14:22,262 --> 00:14:24,407
Well, not the
Best of us, but, uh...
342
00:14:24,431 --> 00:14:26,575
Well, uh, toast without coffee
343
00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:27,865
Will be just fine.
344
00:14:27,934 --> 00:14:29,867
I plug in.
345
00:14:29,936 --> 00:14:32,370
Uh, remember, the toaster's a 2.
346
00:14:32,439 --> 00:14:35,039
You can't plug in
More than a 5 with it.
347
00:14:35,108 --> 00:14:36,574
There is already a 6 in it.
348
00:14:36,642 --> 00:14:38,020
You'll have to pull it out.
349
00:14:38,044 --> 00:14:39,877
The butter will melt.
350
00:14:39,946 --> 00:14:44,215
Honey, a 2 won't go with a 6.
351
00:14:44,284 --> 00:14:45,216
It's very simple.
352
00:14:45,285 --> 00:14:47,551
All you gotta
Remember is 6 and 1 are 7.
353
00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:49,720
6 and 1 is 7.
354
00:14:49,789 --> 00:14:51,934
I think I can remember that.
355
00:14:51,958 --> 00:14:53,057
Mr. Kimball,
356
00:14:53,126 --> 00:14:55,559
I want to ask you some
Questions about wheat.
357
00:14:55,628 --> 00:14:56,560
Wheat?
358
00:14:56,629 --> 00:14:58,941
Oh, so, you're gonna
Go ahead and do it?
359
00:14:58,965 --> 00:15:00,398
I certainly am.
360
00:15:00,467 --> 00:15:01,899
Well, that's fine, fine.
361
00:15:01,968 --> 00:15:04,113
I know a lot of fellas
That plant wheat.
362
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:05,448
Well, not a lot of fellas.
363
00:15:05,472 --> 00:15:07,738
There was one. Tom henderson.
364
00:15:07,807 --> 00:15:09,840
Yeah, he put in 640 acres.
365
00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:11,009
Ooh.
366
00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:12,343
That's a lot of wheat.
367
00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:14,678
Wheat as far as
The eye could see.
368
00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:16,514
Fields of wheat.
369
00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:18,516
Beautiful crop.
370
00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:21,519
Lost his shirt.
371
00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:22,686
What?
372
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,400
Well, he didn't lose his shirt.
373
00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:26,524
Lost his farm and his wife.
374
00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:29,027
He still has his shirt.
375
00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:32,030
If the wheat was so
Good, what happened?
376
00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:33,742
The bottom fell out
Of the wheat market.
377
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:35,566
Just like it did this morning.
378
00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:37,579
Didn't you hear the
Commodity broadcast?
379
00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:39,037
Oh, no.
380
00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:41,872
The generator went out
Just as they were com...
381
00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:43,374
It dropped?
382
00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:45,709
Fell is a better word.
383
00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:48,712
No... Dropped is better.
384
00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:50,632
Wheat dropped?!
385
00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:52,428
Dropped, huh? Ohh!
386
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:54,196
The bottom dropped right out.
387
00:15:54,220 --> 00:15:55,719
I didn't hear the 7:00 report.
388
00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:58,389
I was watching the tail
End of the all-night movie.
389
00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:00,724
John wayne in color.
390
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:03,227
I didn't know you
Had a color tv set.
391
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:06,564
Oh, no, that's the name
Of the movie, color.
392
00:16:06,632 --> 00:16:08,899
You see, that's what the
Gold miners used to say.
393
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:09,833
They used to say,
394
00:16:09,902 --> 00:16:11,335
"You showin' any
Color in your pan?"
395
00:16:11,404 --> 00:16:13,671
That meant there
Was gold in the pan.
396
00:16:13,739 --> 00:16:15,019
That's very interesting.
397
00:16:15,075 --> 00:16:17,341
Now, mr. Drucker,
398
00:16:17,410 --> 00:16:19,843
Could I change my wheat seed?
399
00:16:19,912 --> 00:16:21,512
Well, I guess
That'd be all right.
400
00:16:21,581 --> 00:16:23,221
What were you figurin'
On changing it for?
401
00:16:23,249 --> 00:16:24,515
Corn.
402
00:16:24,584 --> 00:16:28,519
Glad to see you're going
Along with doris's lumbago.
403
00:16:28,588 --> 00:16:31,021
Well, uh, that's
Not why I'm doing it.
404
00:16:31,091 --> 00:16:32,734
I just thought, as
Long as everybody else
405
00:16:32,758 --> 00:16:34,525
Is going for corn...
406
00:16:34,594 --> 00:16:36,026
I'd play it safe.
407
00:16:36,096 --> 00:16:38,362
Well, that's a wise
Decision, mr. Douglas.
408
00:16:38,431 --> 00:16:41,031
Don't ask me to explain it,
But corn seems to grow best
409
00:16:41,101 --> 00:16:42,866
When doris ziffel has lumbago.
410
00:16:42,935 --> 00:16:44,735
I ain't got lumbago.
411
00:16:44,804 --> 00:16:46,870
You haven't? Nah.
412
00:16:46,939 --> 00:16:48,239
I just told fred that.
413
00:16:48,308 --> 00:16:49,873
Why?
414
00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:51,587
Honey, when you're
Married as long as me,
415
00:16:51,611 --> 00:16:53,089
There's many mornings
You don't want
416
00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:56,214
To get out of bed
And slop the pigs.
417
00:16:56,282 --> 00:16:59,883
Well, mrs. Ziffel, I'm
Glad that you're not sick.
418
00:16:59,952 --> 00:17:01,385
I brought you a present.
419
00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:03,554
Oh, thanks.
420
00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:04,766
Last time I got a present
421
00:17:04,790 --> 00:17:06,724
Was when I was first married.
422
00:17:06,792 --> 00:17:09,960
Fred gave me my own plow.
423
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:11,895
Near busted my back pullin' it.
424
00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:19,837
Looks like toast.
425
00:17:19,905 --> 00:17:21,172
Thank you.
426
00:17:21,241 --> 00:17:25,009
The first two I made
You couldn't recognize.
427
00:17:25,077 --> 00:17:26,010
Ah.
428
00:17:26,078 --> 00:17:27,223
Well, it was awful nice of you
429
00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:28,390
Bringin' me something
When you thought
430
00:17:28,414 --> 00:17:29,680
I was sick.
431
00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:31,227
Well, I would have
Brought you hotcakes,
432
00:17:31,251 --> 00:17:34,185
But they were
Too heavy to carry.
433
00:17:34,254 --> 00:17:35,894
Honey, if I had your looks
434
00:17:35,921 --> 00:17:37,065
And anything else you got,
435
00:17:37,089 --> 00:17:38,634
I never woulda moved out here.
436
00:17:38,658 --> 00:17:40,891
I promised my husband...
437
00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:42,738
I promised fred
I'd try livin' here.
438
00:17:42,762 --> 00:17:45,196
That was 22 years ago.
439
00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:46,364
And you know what?
440
00:17:46,432 --> 00:17:49,233
He ain't never yet
Asked if I liked it.
441
00:17:49,302 --> 00:17:51,035
I work for that man.
442
00:17:51,103 --> 00:17:55,039
I cook, I clean, I scrub, I sew,
443
00:17:55,107 --> 00:17:57,041
And what does it get me?
444
00:17:57,109 --> 00:17:59,710
An $8 bonus on christmas.
445
00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:01,212
I don't even get that
446
00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:03,881
If my lumbago don't pay off.
447
00:18:03,949 --> 00:18:06,094
That's why this
Morning, I just decided...
448
00:18:07,353 --> 00:18:09,987
Oh, you know arnold.
449
00:18:10,056 --> 00:18:13,324
How do you do?
450
00:18:13,393 --> 00:18:14,825
He doesn't like me.
451
00:18:14,894 --> 00:18:17,161
Oh, you're sitting
In his favorite chair.
452
00:18:17,230 --> 00:18:18,663
No, no, don't get up.
453
00:18:18,731 --> 00:18:20,931
Go watch tv.
454
00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:27,338
Arnold loves john wayne.
455
00:18:27,407 --> 00:18:29,340
John wayne. Would
You believe it?
456
00:18:29,409 --> 00:18:30,886
When fred and me
Was first married,
457
00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:33,511
People used to
Come up to us and say,
458
00:18:33,580 --> 00:18:35,179
"Are you john wayne?"
459
00:18:35,248 --> 00:18:37,608
I had an awful time
Convincin' 'em I wasn't.
460
00:18:39,419 --> 00:18:41,063
She had a terrible life.
461
00:18:41,087 --> 00:18:43,854
Cooking, cleaning
Up, washing dishes,
462
00:18:43,923 --> 00:18:45,067
And telling everyone
463
00:18:45,091 --> 00:18:47,191
She wasn't john wayne.
464
00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:48,292
What?
465
00:18:48,361 --> 00:18:50,506
I couldn't see it,
But I didn't want
466
00:18:50,530 --> 00:18:52,074
To hurt her feelings.
467
00:18:52,098 --> 00:18:54,365
For cryin' out loud, do
You realize what she's done?
468
00:18:54,434 --> 00:18:57,034
She's got fred ziffel
Planting corn, mr. Miller...
469
00:18:57,103 --> 00:19:01,205
We ain't plantin' rutabagars.
470
00:19:01,274 --> 00:19:03,085
Why didn't you come home
And tell me this right away?
471
00:19:03,109 --> 00:19:04,642
We've planted a half an acre.
472
00:19:04,711 --> 00:19:06,255
Well, darling, I couldn't.
473
00:19:06,279 --> 00:19:07,712
She was so lonely.
474
00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:09,525
Her husband was outside,
475
00:19:09,549 --> 00:19:11,126
And arnold was
In the living room
476
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:13,817
Watching television. I don't...
477
00:19:13,886 --> 00:19:15,486
Arnold the pig?
478
00:19:15,555 --> 00:19:17,199
We gonna go on plantin'
Corn, mr. Douglas?
479
00:19:17,223 --> 00:19:18,656
Of course not.
480
00:19:18,725 --> 00:19:20,491
What about this half-acre?
481
00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:21,825
Find the seeds
482
00:19:21,894 --> 00:19:23,761
And put them back into the sack.
483
00:19:40,413 --> 00:19:41,845
Well, I don't know, mr. Douglas.
484
00:19:41,914 --> 00:19:43,034
There ain't much of a market
485
00:19:43,082 --> 00:19:44,893
For used corn seed. Used?
486
00:19:44,917 --> 00:19:46,061
Oh, it's hardly used.
487
00:19:46,085 --> 00:19:48,352
It wasn't in the
Ground... 2 hours.
488
00:19:48,421 --> 00:19:49,565
Well, I... We cleaned it
489
00:19:49,589 --> 00:19:51,400
All off, we dusted every speck.
490
00:19:51,424 --> 00:19:53,402
You won't find a
Speck of dirt on...
491
00:19:53,426 --> 00:19:54,570
Hello there, mr. Douglas.
492
00:19:54,594 --> 00:19:56,071
Oh, hello there, mr. Ziffel.
493
00:19:56,095 --> 00:19:57,740
I want to apologize to you
494
00:19:57,764 --> 00:19:59,575
For my wife doris fakin'.
495
00:19:59,599 --> 00:20:01,610
Oh, please, nothing at
All. No... No harm done.
496
00:20:01,634 --> 00:20:03,033
What do you mean,
"No harm done?"
497
00:20:03,102 --> 00:20:06,036
Everybody's bringin'
Back his corn seed.
498
00:20:06,105 --> 00:20:07,916
What are you planting
Instead, mr. Ziffel?
499
00:20:07,940 --> 00:20:09,206
Wheat.
500
00:20:09,275 --> 00:20:11,420
Doris has got a couple
Of beautiful bumps
501
00:20:11,444 --> 00:20:12,543
On her head.
502
00:20:12,612 --> 00:20:14,445
Oh, they ain't real wheat bumps.
503
00:20:14,514 --> 00:20:17,548
At first I thought
They was horns.
504
00:20:17,617 --> 00:20:19,216
Mr. Ziffel, you didn't...
505
00:20:19,285 --> 00:20:20,763
No, I didn't put 'em there.
506
00:20:20,787 --> 00:20:22,431
She tripped over arnold
507
00:20:22,455 --> 00:20:24,736
When she was
Going in to watch tv.
508
00:20:27,126 --> 00:20:29,226
What's mr. Ziffel
Planting wheat for?
509
00:20:29,295 --> 00:20:30,606
It was down this morning.
510
00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:33,564
It came up again
On the 2:00 news.
511
00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:35,899
I'm planting wheat.
512
00:20:35,968 --> 00:20:37,946
I wouldn't if I was you.
513
00:20:37,970 --> 00:20:39,610
What are you
Planting, mr. Miller?
514
00:20:39,639 --> 00:20:40,904
Soy beans.
515
00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:42,906
But wheat was up
On the 2:00 news.
516
00:20:42,975 --> 00:20:45,287
Soy beans was higher
On the 3:00 news.
517
00:20:45,311 --> 00:20:47,471
And emily was crankier.
518
00:20:49,816 --> 00:20:52,750
What's it gonna be, mr. Douglas?
519
00:20:52,819 --> 00:20:54,752
Well, it's very simple.
520
00:20:54,821 --> 00:20:56,131
I'll plant half of
My farm in wheat
521
00:20:56,155 --> 00:20:57,966
And the other half in soy beans.
522
00:20:57,990 --> 00:20:59,256
I'll help you load your car.
523
00:21:04,997 --> 00:21:05,997
Mr. Haney.
524
00:21:06,065 --> 00:21:08,098
What are you... Shh.
525
00:21:08,167 --> 00:21:09,411
What are you doing?
526
00:21:09,435 --> 00:21:11,602
Listenin' to my car radio.
527
00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:15,706
The radio is... Shh.
528
00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:20,210
Oh, I love that vic and sade.
529
00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:21,399
Where you been, mr. Douglas?
530
00:21:21,447 --> 00:21:22,546
Buyin' my seed.
531
00:21:22,615 --> 00:21:23,547
Oh, what'd you buy?
532
00:21:23,616 --> 00:21:24,548
Wheat and soy beans.
533
00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:27,551
Very shrewd.
They was up at 3:00.
534
00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:29,553
Course, it's almost 4:00 now.
535
00:21:29,622 --> 00:21:32,155
I'll get the latest price
Report on the radio.
536
00:21:34,794 --> 00:21:36,226
Secuse me, mr. Douglas,
537
00:21:36,295 --> 00:21:38,396
You're standin'
Between me and pixley.
538
00:21:38,464 --> 00:21:39,997
Oh, I'm sorry.
539
00:21:41,634 --> 00:21:43,066
Oh, oh, here it is.
540
00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:45,068
Soy beans... Yeah?
541
00:21:45,137 --> 00:21:47,070
Down. Ohh.
542
00:21:47,139 --> 00:21:49,284
Well, that's only half
Of what I'm gonna plant.
543
00:21:49,308 --> 00:21:50,908
What about wheat?
544
00:21:50,976 --> 00:21:54,077
Wheat... Way down.
545
00:21:54,146 --> 00:21:56,380
What's up? Corn.
546
00:21:56,449 --> 00:21:58,582
Corn? That's what you want?
547
00:21:58,651 --> 00:22:00,462
Yes. So, if you'll
Take back my wheat
548
00:22:00,486 --> 00:22:02,753
And my soy beans,
I'll load up with corn.
549
00:22:02,822 --> 00:22:04,422
Ok, well, I got
That sack of stuff
550
00:22:04,490 --> 00:22:05,923
You brought back this afternoon.
551
00:22:05,991 --> 00:22:07,758
Good.
552
00:22:07,827 --> 00:22:10,027
Sam.
553
00:22:10,095 --> 00:22:11,239
I'm bringin' back the wheat.
554
00:22:11,263 --> 00:22:14,031
Oh, now, look here, fred!
555
00:22:14,099 --> 00:22:17,568
I decided against
Soy beans, sam.
556
00:22:17,637 --> 00:22:19,069
You fellas gonna plant corn?
557
00:22:19,138 --> 00:22:20,616
Nope. Potatoes.
558
00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:23,040
Potatoes?
559
00:22:23,108 --> 00:22:24,586
Just heard a
Bulletin on the radio
560
00:22:24,610 --> 00:22:26,321
About the department
Of agriculture.
561
00:22:26,345 --> 00:22:30,047
Ah, so you decided to use
The scientific approach?
562
00:22:30,115 --> 00:22:31,755
Instead of that
Silly superstition
563
00:22:31,784 --> 00:22:35,719
Of the cranky spells and
The lumbago and the bumps.
564
00:22:35,788 --> 00:22:36,832
What did the bulletin say?
565
00:22:36,856 --> 00:22:38,600
Secretary of agriculture's
566
00:22:38,624 --> 00:22:40,223
Got a cold.
567
00:22:40,292 --> 00:22:41,292
Cold?
568
00:22:41,360 --> 00:22:43,271
Yes, sir. And it's
Gonna be a big year
569
00:22:43,295 --> 00:22:44,662
For potatoes.
570
00:22:51,637 --> 00:22:54,905
I can't understand how
I got so panicked today.
571
00:22:54,974 --> 00:22:56,284
You know, in the city,
If the stock market
572
00:22:56,308 --> 00:22:57,619
Goes down, I don't
Rush to my broker
573
00:22:57,643 --> 00:22:59,409
And sell my stock.
574
00:22:59,479 --> 00:23:02,079
But out here, one
Report that wheat is down,
575
00:23:02,147 --> 00:23:05,082
And I change to corn.
576
00:23:05,150 --> 00:23:06,628
And then I hear a report
577
00:23:06,652 --> 00:23:08,752
That mrs. Ziffel's
Lumbago is a fake,
578
00:23:08,821 --> 00:23:10,621
And I switch to soy beans.
579
00:23:12,257 --> 00:23:14,069
Then I hear th-that
Soy beans are down,
580
00:23:14,093 --> 00:23:15,693
I sell my soy bean... Ohh.
581
00:23:15,761 --> 00:23:17,862
I got a simple solution.
582
00:23:17,930 --> 00:23:19,363
What?
583
00:23:19,431 --> 00:23:21,298
Let's go back to new york.
584
00:23:23,402 --> 00:23:26,370
I am not going back to new york.
585
00:23:26,438 --> 00:23:28,558
I know that I can
Make this farm work.
586
00:23:31,944 --> 00:23:33,755
If fred ziffel can
Make his farm work,
587
00:23:33,779 --> 00:23:35,145
There's no re...
588
00:23:42,454 --> 00:23:44,889
What's this candle doing
In the refrigerator?
589
00:23:44,957 --> 00:23:47,224
Darling, I had to plug
In the dishwasher,
590
00:23:47,292 --> 00:23:50,561
Which is the 5, so I had to
Unplug the refrigerator,
591
00:23:50,630 --> 00:23:51,729
Which is the 6.
592
00:23:51,797 --> 00:23:53,230
So, when I opened the door,
593
00:23:53,298 --> 00:23:55,399
The light didn't go on,
And then I couldn't see,
594
00:23:55,467 --> 00:23:57,735
So I put in the candle.
595
00:23:57,803 --> 00:23:59,169
Good thinking.
596
00:24:02,141 --> 00:24:04,408
Oh, good, the number 5 stopped.
597
00:24:04,476 --> 00:24:06,410
Now I can plug in the number 6.
598
00:24:09,148 --> 00:24:10,614
You see, I'm learning.
599
00:24:10,683 --> 00:24:12,016
Yes, you are learning.
600
00:24:12,084 --> 00:24:14,018
And I'm proud of you.
I'm very proud of you,
601
00:24:14,086 --> 00:24:16,020
And why did you put
An electric toaster
602
00:24:16,088 --> 00:24:18,188
In the dishwasher?!
603
00:24:18,257 --> 00:24:21,358
Well, it was full of crumbs.
604
00:24:21,427 --> 00:24:24,361
Never put an electrical
Appliance in a dishwasher.
605
00:24:24,430 --> 00:24:26,074
Well, I'm sorry,
Darling, but, you see,
606
00:24:26,098 --> 00:24:29,033
I work on the
Principle of 7, also.
607
00:24:29,101 --> 00:24:32,970
For 5 good things I
Do, I do 2 stupid things.
608
00:24:43,883 --> 00:24:45,923
You know you have
The number 8 kiss?
609
00:24:51,223 --> 00:24:54,158
Captioning made possible
By mgm home entertainment
610
00:24:54,226 --> 00:24:57,346
Captioned by the national
Captioning institute... Www.Ncicap.Org...
39182
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