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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,777 --> 00:00:12,644 Captioning made possible By mgm home entertainment 2 00:00:24,624 --> 00:00:28,660 Oliver: ♪ green acres Is the place to be ♪ 3 00:00:28,729 --> 00:00:32,497 ♪ farm livin' is The life for me ♪ 4 00:00:32,566 --> 00:00:36,568 ♪ land spreadin' Out so far and wide ♪ 5 00:00:36,636 --> 00:00:40,338 ♪ keep manhattan, just Give me that countryside ♪ 6 00:00:40,407 --> 00:00:42,007 Lisa: ♪ new york ♪ 7 00:00:42,076 --> 00:00:44,409 ♪ is where I'd rather stay ♪ 8 00:00:44,477 --> 00:00:46,745 ♪ I get allergic ♪ 9 00:00:46,814 --> 00:00:48,580 ♪ smelling hay ♪ 10 00:00:48,648 --> 00:00:52,084 ♪ I just adore a Penthouse view ♪ 11 00:00:52,152 --> 00:00:53,585 ♪ darling, I love you ♪ 12 00:00:53,653 --> 00:00:55,386 ♪ but give me park avenue ♪ 13 00:00:57,991 --> 00:00:59,825 ♪ the chores ♪ 14 00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:01,860 ♪ the stores ♪ 15 00:01:01,929 --> 00:01:03,695 ♪ fresh air ♪ 16 00:01:03,764 --> 00:01:04,874 ♪ times square ♪ 17 00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:06,431 ♪ you are my wife ♪ 18 00:01:06,499 --> 00:01:08,311 ♪ good-bye, city life ♪ 19 00:01:08,335 --> 00:01:11,803 ♪ green acres, we are there ♪ 20 00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:41,233 Lisa: oliver... What? 21 00:01:41,301 --> 00:01:43,901 I've got a rock in my pot. 22 00:01:43,970 --> 00:01:46,904 You've got a rock in your pot? 23 00:01:46,973 --> 00:01:48,184 I'll, uh, I'll fix It in a minute. 24 00:01:48,208 --> 00:01:50,942 I'm waiting to hear The commodity prices. 25 00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:06,591 Radio: and now, for The wheat prices. 26 00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:10,228 At the chicago exchange, Wheat opened steady and... 27 00:02:14,434 --> 00:02:17,201 What's the price of wheat? 28 00:02:17,271 --> 00:02:20,538 Darling, I think the fooz blew. 29 00:02:20,607 --> 00:02:22,340 Fooz? 30 00:02:22,409 --> 00:02:23,919 Yes, like when we Were in new york, 31 00:02:23,943 --> 00:02:25,223 And the lights went out. 32 00:02:25,279 --> 00:02:27,590 And you telephoned down To the superintendent, 33 00:02:27,614 --> 00:02:31,048 And he came up, and He put in a new fooz. 34 00:02:31,117 --> 00:02:32,717 Fuse. 35 00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:34,386 And it was a generator That you blew out. 36 00:02:34,454 --> 00:02:36,554 We don't have fooz... Fuses. 37 00:02:36,623 --> 00:02:38,723 And just as I was Learning the wheat prices. 38 00:02:38,792 --> 00:02:40,258 You know I've decided To plant wheat. 39 00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:42,605 I'm sorry, darling, but Something happened 40 00:02:42,629 --> 00:02:44,896 When I plugged In the coffee pot. 41 00:02:44,964 --> 00:02:47,899 Oh, coffee pot's Only a number 2. 42 00:02:47,967 --> 00:02:49,301 What else you got plugged in? 43 00:02:52,306 --> 00:02:55,072 Oh, well, no wonder The generator blew out. 44 00:02:55,141 --> 00:02:56,441 You've got 8 plugged in. 45 00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:58,876 No, only 4. 46 00:02:58,945 --> 00:03:01,413 The number of plugs Doesn't make the difference. 47 00:03:01,481 --> 00:03:03,915 It's the number on the plugs... 48 00:03:03,983 --> 00:03:05,249 That makes the difference. 49 00:03:05,319 --> 00:03:06,319 Oh. 50 00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:07,673 I thought I Explained that to you. 51 00:03:07,721 --> 00:03:08,986 You did. 52 00:03:09,055 --> 00:03:09,921 I thought you understood it. 53 00:03:09,989 --> 00:03:12,357 I didn't. 54 00:03:12,426 --> 00:03:15,026 Well, all right, I'll explain it again. 55 00:03:15,094 --> 00:03:20,198 Uh, the whole thing is Based on the principle of 7. 56 00:03:20,266 --> 00:03:22,600 That's the maximum load The generator can carry. 57 00:03:22,669 --> 00:03:24,869 Now, the bigger Electrical appliances, 58 00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:26,081 They have the biggest numbers, 59 00:03:26,105 --> 00:03:28,840 As I've indicated On the chart here. 60 00:03:28,908 --> 00:03:30,709 The can opener is 1. 61 00:03:30,777 --> 00:03:33,878 Coffee pot, electric iron, Toaster, mixer, that's 2. 62 00:03:33,947 --> 00:03:35,714 Frying pan 3, rotisserie 4, 63 00:03:35,782 --> 00:03:36,948 Dishwasher 5, 64 00:03:37,016 --> 00:03:39,884 Washing machine, Freezer, and refrigerator... 65 00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:41,453 They draw the most Electricity, see, 66 00:03:41,521 --> 00:03:43,087 So they're 6. 67 00:03:43,156 --> 00:03:44,522 Understand? 68 00:03:46,292 --> 00:03:48,893 You don't understand. 69 00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:50,562 All right. 70 00:03:50,630 --> 00:03:53,231 That's the washing Machine. That's 6. 71 00:03:53,299 --> 00:03:54,444 Huh? Yeah. 72 00:03:54,468 --> 00:03:58,236 Now, with a 6, you Can only have a 1. 73 00:03:58,304 --> 00:04:00,071 Because that adds up to 7. 74 00:04:00,139 --> 00:04:01,239 Huh? 75 00:04:01,307 --> 00:04:04,242 Now, that can only Be the can opener. 76 00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:07,912 You see? Unless you don't Use the washing machine, 77 00:04:07,981 --> 00:04:11,349 And then you could use, Oh, say, the electric iron. 78 00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:13,518 What's that for? 79 00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:16,521 Iron clothes. 80 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:17,955 Which one is that? 81 00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:23,027 Haven't you ever used this? 82 00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,463 Oh, yes, to hold the door open. 83 00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:30,201 Uh... 84 00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:32,537 The main thing to Remember is that 85 00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:36,207 The total cannot be more than 7. 86 00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:37,642 Now, you understand? 87 00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:40,879 You don't understand. 88 00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:43,047 Yes, I do understand. 89 00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:45,884 I am going to make coffee, 90 00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:50,555 So I pull out the 3, And I push in the 2. 91 00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:53,057 Good girl. 92 00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:54,392 You love me? 93 00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:56,060 Of course I love you. 94 00:04:56,129 --> 00:05:00,899 But not enough to Let me plug in the 3. 95 00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:02,779 It doesn't make any Difference, anyhow, 96 00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:05,281 What you plug in till I Get the generator fixed. 97 00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:07,772 While you are at it, could You fix the water, too? 98 00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:08,773 What's the matter with it? 99 00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:10,909 Come. I show you. 100 00:05:12,078 --> 00:05:14,512 This came out of it. What? 101 00:05:14,581 --> 00:05:16,113 You think there's gold in it? 102 00:05:18,585 --> 00:05:20,452 I'll fix the generator. 103 00:05:38,271 --> 00:05:39,704 Have you seen my screwdriver? 104 00:05:39,773 --> 00:05:41,539 I can't... No. 105 00:05:41,608 --> 00:05:43,541 Oh. Everything's gotta Happen to me today. 106 00:05:43,610 --> 00:05:44,754 I'm trying to get Into mr. Drucker's 107 00:05:44,778 --> 00:05:46,043 To put my order in, 108 00:05:46,112 --> 00:05:47,757 Otherwise, I wouldn't Get my planting done. 109 00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:49,258 What are you going to plant? 110 00:05:49,282 --> 00:05:51,048 Seed wheat. Oh, seaweed. 111 00:05:51,117 --> 00:05:53,095 I thought they grew That in the ocean. 112 00:05:53,119 --> 00:05:55,553 No, not seaweed. Seed wheat. 113 00:05:55,622 --> 00:05:58,222 Wheat seed you plant To get wheat from. 114 00:06:00,126 --> 00:06:03,060 What's that? Coffee. 115 00:06:03,129 --> 00:06:04,529 Ohh, here. 116 00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:09,545 You put the coffee pot on the... 117 00:06:09,569 --> 00:06:12,670 It's welded to the lid. 118 00:06:12,739 --> 00:06:16,007 Well, can you get me Another coffee pot? 119 00:06:16,075 --> 00:06:17,887 I'll ask mr. Drucker When I go in 120 00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:20,512 To get my seaweed. I'll see... See... Seed 121 00:06:20,580 --> 00:06:22,514 Wh-wheat seed! 122 00:06:22,582 --> 00:06:24,022 Oh, darling. Ohh! 123 00:06:24,083 --> 00:06:26,283 Be careful, you'll blow a fooz. 124 00:06:29,088 --> 00:06:30,354 I say corn. 125 00:06:30,423 --> 00:06:31,689 And I say soy beans. 126 00:06:31,758 --> 00:06:32,902 Could I get waited on? 127 00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:34,826 Corn. Soy beans. 128 00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:35,827 Corn. 129 00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:36,828 Could I get waited on? 130 00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:38,095 What do you want? 131 00:06:38,164 --> 00:06:39,876 2 sticks of chewing gum. 132 00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:40,965 What? 133 00:06:41,034 --> 00:06:43,434 Assorted. Give Me a fruit flavor... 134 00:06:43,503 --> 00:06:45,537 I don't break up a pack. 135 00:06:45,605 --> 00:06:47,750 Give it to me, I'll break it up. 136 00:06:47,774 --> 00:06:49,206 Joe, will you stop interruptin'? 137 00:06:49,275 --> 00:06:50,708 Now, this is important. 138 00:06:50,777 --> 00:06:52,254 Fellas, you better Make up your minds, 139 00:06:52,278 --> 00:06:54,559 Otherwise, I can't guarantee To deliver your seed on time. 140 00:06:54,614 --> 00:06:56,692 Got any loose jellybeans? 141 00:06:56,716 --> 00:06:58,883 Joe! 142 00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:01,719 Sam, you can put me Down for soy beans. 143 00:07:01,788 --> 00:07:03,821 75 bushels of corn. 144 00:07:03,890 --> 00:07:06,390 Fred, you're making a mistake. 145 00:07:06,459 --> 00:07:09,661 Ben, when doris's Lumbago starts acting up, 146 00:07:09,729 --> 00:07:12,163 It's a sure sign to plant corn. 147 00:07:12,231 --> 00:07:14,832 When emily gets Her cranky spells, 148 00:07:14,901 --> 00:07:16,846 You better be out There planting soy beans. 149 00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:19,837 Doris's lumbago's Been right more times 150 00:07:19,906 --> 00:07:21,205 Than emily's cranky spells. 151 00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:22,885 Oh, I don't agree with that. 152 00:07:22,909 --> 00:07:25,190 Well, now, you remember What happened back in '48. 153 00:07:25,244 --> 00:07:26,556 There's only one Way to settle this. 154 00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:27,511 Yeah, with a nickel. 155 00:07:27,581 --> 00:07:30,347 Put it on my account. 156 00:07:30,416 --> 00:07:32,183 Boys... 157 00:07:32,251 --> 00:07:33,896 Gotta approach This plantin' problem 158 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:35,352 Scientifically. 159 00:07:35,421 --> 00:07:37,188 Now, just how bad Is doris's lumbago? 160 00:07:37,256 --> 00:07:40,024 The worst she's ever had. 161 00:07:40,093 --> 00:07:42,071 I have to push her out Of bed every morning 162 00:07:42,095 --> 00:07:44,528 To get her to feed the pigs. 163 00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:45,730 How cranky's emily been? 164 00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:47,577 Well, she's been yammering at me 165 00:07:47,601 --> 00:07:49,000 For 2 weeks now. 166 00:07:49,069 --> 00:07:50,079 Every day? No. 167 00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:53,037 It's been more like Every other day. 168 00:07:53,106 --> 00:07:56,040 'fraid I'll have to go Along with doris's lumbago. 169 00:07:56,109 --> 00:07:58,042 Me, too, ben. Doris has ached up 170 00:07:58,111 --> 00:08:02,046 Some of the best corn crops We've ever had in the valley. 171 00:08:02,115 --> 00:08:03,759 Well, I gotta admit, Emily ain't been 172 00:08:03,783 --> 00:08:07,218 Real soy bean cranky. 173 00:08:07,286 --> 00:08:09,654 Better put me Down for corn, too. 174 00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:11,089 Good. 175 00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:16,520 You were gonna charge Me 5 cents for this? 176 00:08:16,562 --> 00:08:17,873 Ain't hardly worth finishin'. 177 00:08:17,897 --> 00:08:20,164 Joe, you... 178 00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:22,533 Morning, gentlemen. 179 00:08:22,603 --> 00:08:24,335 Mornin', mr. Douglas. 180 00:08:24,404 --> 00:08:25,715 Is there something I can do for you? 181 00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:27,550 I want to place an order. 182 00:08:27,574 --> 00:08:29,440 Like to split a package of gum? 183 00:08:31,411 --> 00:08:33,011 No. No, thank you. 184 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:34,512 You can choose a flavor. 185 00:08:34,581 --> 00:08:36,681 No, thank you very much. 186 00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:37,882 I want to order my seed. 187 00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:41,185 I was just takin' fred's And ben's order for seed. 188 00:08:41,254 --> 00:08:43,214 Now, how much corn Can I put you down for? 189 00:08:43,256 --> 00:08:45,356 Corn? 190 00:08:45,425 --> 00:08:46,791 I'm planting wheat. 191 00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:49,193 Wheat?! 192 00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:50,394 Yes. 193 00:08:50,463 --> 00:08:52,141 Your wife got any wheat bumps? 194 00:08:52,165 --> 00:08:53,932 What are wheat bumps? 195 00:08:54,001 --> 00:08:55,533 Oh, they're little knobs 196 00:08:55,602 --> 00:08:58,369 Some folks get on their Heads this time of year. 197 00:08:58,438 --> 00:09:00,872 It's a good sign For plantin' wheat. 198 00:09:00,941 --> 00:09:02,585 Her bumps wouldn't Really count, anyway. 199 00:09:02,609 --> 00:09:04,042 She's a city girl. 200 00:09:04,111 --> 00:09:07,712 She might be bumpin' Onions for all we know. 201 00:09:07,781 --> 00:09:10,815 My wife is not bumping anything. 202 00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:12,651 Joe, mr. Douglas Doesn't even know 203 00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:13,863 What you're talking about. 204 00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,486 No. No, I'm sorry To have... Now... 205 00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:16,487 About my seed... 206 00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:17,822 Mr. Douglas. 207 00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,035 Take the advice of a man 208 00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:21,037 That's been farmin' 40 years. 209 00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,594 Don't fly in the face Of doris's lumbago. 210 00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:28,566 Your wife has lumbago? I'm sorry to hear that. 211 00:09:28,635 --> 00:09:31,836 Don't knock it. It's Money in the bank. 212 00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:34,338 Mr. Douglas, you see, The kind of weather 213 00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:36,174 That brings on doris's lumbago 214 00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:38,309 Seems to be the best For growin' corn. 215 00:09:38,378 --> 00:09:40,645 Oh... 216 00:09:40,714 --> 00:09:42,892 Emily gets cranky spells. 217 00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:46,417 For corn? Soy beans. 218 00:09:46,486 --> 00:09:48,564 Ain't met anybody with Swollen ankles, have you? 219 00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:49,688 No. 220 00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:51,233 Well, carrots ain't A very good crop 221 00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:53,692 Around here, anyway. 222 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:56,027 Gentlemen. 223 00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:59,363 I know you're all Successful farmers, 224 00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:01,700 But there are better Scientific methods 225 00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:04,368 Of farming than Basing your crops on... 226 00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,204 On aches and pains. 227 00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:07,550 What do you base yours on? 228 00:10:07,574 --> 00:10:09,473 The department of agriculture. 229 00:10:09,542 --> 00:10:11,710 Who? 230 00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:14,779 The united states Department of agriculture. 231 00:10:14,848 --> 00:10:17,882 I didn't know they had one. 232 00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,851 Of course. In washington. 233 00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:21,363 They tell you What to plant, huh? 234 00:10:21,387 --> 00:10:22,721 No. No, they don't do that. 235 00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:23,900 What do they plant? 236 00:10:23,924 --> 00:10:25,323 Oh, they're not Planting anything. 237 00:10:25,391 --> 00:10:29,160 Ain't got any faith in Their own judgment, huh? 238 00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:32,396 Gentlemen, since the day The department of agriculture 239 00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:35,066 Was founded, the Farmer has access 240 00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:38,903 To the finest scientific Brains in america. 241 00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:41,740 He's no longer Alone in his fields. 242 00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:43,842 He knows that back There in washington 243 00:10:43,910 --> 00:10:46,577 There's an army Of agriculturists, 244 00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:48,913 Agronomists, chemists, Bacteriologists, 245 00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:52,217 Meteorologists Peering into microscopes, 246 00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:53,796 Heating up test tubes, you know, 247 00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,254 Releasing balloons, Culling information, 248 00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:58,300 Gathering data, Sorting, probing, shifting 249 00:10:58,324 --> 00:11:00,258 With but one thought in mind: 250 00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:04,162 What crops are good for america. 251 00:11:04,231 --> 00:11:08,432 Now, the microscopes are dark, 252 00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:09,578 The test tubes are cooled off, 253 00:11:09,602 --> 00:11:11,870 And the balloons Are all recovered, 254 00:11:11,938 --> 00:11:14,873 And the answer is wheat, 255 00:11:14,941 --> 00:11:16,374 Gentlemen... 256 00:11:16,442 --> 00:11:19,043 I am planting wheat. 257 00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:21,880 That sure convinces me. 258 00:11:21,948 --> 00:11:23,714 Me, too. 259 00:11:23,784 --> 00:11:25,864 I think I'll double My order of corn. 260 00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:35,559 Wheat? Yes, sir. 261 00:11:35,628 --> 00:11:37,561 Well, wheat is a good crop. 262 00:11:37,630 --> 00:11:39,898 Well, it's not a Good crop, it's, uh... 263 00:11:39,966 --> 00:11:41,232 Wheat, huh? 264 00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:43,567 Yeah. Don't try to Talk me out of it. 265 00:11:43,636 --> 00:11:45,736 That's what the fellas At the store tried to do. 266 00:11:45,806 --> 00:11:47,784 Mr. Douglas, we county Agents are not allowed 267 00:11:47,808 --> 00:11:50,241 To talk anyone out of Making stupid mistakes. 268 00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:52,076 I mean... 269 00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:54,123 Not that you're Making a stupid mistake. 270 00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:56,080 It's just that, uh... 271 00:11:56,149 --> 00:11:58,269 You're gonna plant 160 acres in wheat? 272 00:11:58,318 --> 00:12:00,251 You bet. 273 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,253 You basing this on bumps? 274 00:12:02,322 --> 00:12:04,088 What? 275 00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:07,758 Oh, you mean that Silly supers... No, no. 276 00:12:07,828 --> 00:12:09,571 Yeah, it is kinda Silly, isn't it? 277 00:12:09,595 --> 00:12:10,661 Yeah. 278 00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,574 Yeah, we prefer the Scientific approach. 279 00:12:12,598 --> 00:12:14,699 Well, not strictly scientific. 280 00:12:14,767 --> 00:12:17,702 Sometimes, we, uh, Well, not sometimes, 281 00:12:17,770 --> 00:12:20,038 A lot of times, we, Uh, well, let's see, 282 00:12:20,106 --> 00:12:22,207 Chief is so fond of saying, 283 00:12:22,275 --> 00:12:24,420 "As mrs. Ziffel's lumbago goes, 284 00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:26,510 So goes the corn crops." 285 00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:29,080 Mrs. Ziffel has lumbago? 286 00:12:29,149 --> 00:12:31,415 Oh, a big crop of it. 287 00:12:31,484 --> 00:12:32,761 Of course, we're Not sure how big 288 00:12:32,785 --> 00:12:34,219 The crop is, but... 289 00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:35,553 Oh, the poor woman. 290 00:12:35,621 --> 00:12:36,899 I ought to go and visit her. 291 00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:38,356 That'd be nice. 292 00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:39,535 How have you been, mr. Kimball? 293 00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:41,599 Oh, fine. Just fine. 294 00:12:41,627 --> 00:12:43,105 Well, not really fine. 295 00:12:43,129 --> 00:12:44,941 I've been on my Feet a lot lately. 296 00:12:44,965 --> 00:12:46,108 I think I got a touch 297 00:12:46,132 --> 00:12:48,066 Of carrot ankle. 298 00:12:48,134 --> 00:12:49,812 Not enough to plant by. 299 00:12:49,836 --> 00:12:51,236 What's that? 300 00:12:51,304 --> 00:12:52,570 Uh, that's an old wives' tale. 301 00:12:52,638 --> 00:12:53,950 The people out here Plant their crops 302 00:12:53,974 --> 00:12:55,740 According to their Aches and pains. 303 00:12:55,808 --> 00:12:57,608 I had a headache this morning. 304 00:12:57,643 --> 00:12:59,410 Asparagus. 305 00:12:59,479 --> 00:13:00,622 Mr. Douglas, I'd look into that 306 00:13:00,646 --> 00:13:01,579 If I were you. 307 00:13:01,647 --> 00:13:03,625 Asparagus might be the answer. 308 00:13:03,649 --> 00:13:06,251 I'm planting wheat. 309 00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:08,464 How would you two Like to have some lunch? 310 00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:10,566 That'd be wonderful. I'm starved. 311 00:13:10,590 --> 00:13:12,857 Me, too. Where do we go? 312 00:13:12,926 --> 00:13:16,194 Oh, lisa, you know there's No place we can go for lunch. 313 00:13:16,263 --> 00:13:18,029 Oh, yes, there is. 314 00:13:18,098 --> 00:13:21,366 The stork club, 21, tout chaud. 315 00:13:21,434 --> 00:13:23,201 They're all in new york. 316 00:13:23,270 --> 00:13:25,581 Mr. Kimball, how would You like to take off 317 00:13:25,605 --> 00:13:27,705 A couple of days and have lunch? 318 00:13:27,774 --> 00:13:29,707 Well, I, uh... Lisa. 319 00:13:29,776 --> 00:13:31,976 How about you Fixing lunch for us? 320 00:13:34,281 --> 00:13:38,216 Well... I could try it. 321 00:13:38,285 --> 00:13:39,428 How would you like to have 322 00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:40,885 Some coffee and toast? 323 00:13:40,954 --> 00:13:42,631 Well, if it wouldn't Be too much trouble. 324 00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:46,224 I don't know. I never made it. 325 00:13:46,293 --> 00:13:47,736 You've never made toast? 326 00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:51,229 Well, I've only Been here 5 weeks. 327 00:13:51,298 --> 00:13:53,731 Oh, well, I'm really Not very hungry. 328 00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:56,067 Oh, come on, let me make it. 329 00:13:56,136 --> 00:13:59,737 Mrs. Bradley gave me the recipe. 330 00:13:59,806 --> 00:14:02,407 Toast and coffee'd be just fine. 331 00:14:02,475 --> 00:14:04,909 I'll make it without the coffee. 332 00:14:04,978 --> 00:14:07,578 You forgot to bring Home the new coffee pot. 333 00:14:07,647 --> 00:14:09,080 Oh, I forgot. 334 00:14:09,149 --> 00:14:10,514 My wife welded the electric pot 335 00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:12,850 To the stove this morning. 336 00:14:12,919 --> 00:14:15,398 You learned to weld in 5 weeks? 337 00:14:15,422 --> 00:14:17,166 That's very good. Excellent. 338 00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:18,789 Uh, no, no, no. 339 00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:20,391 This was an accident. 340 00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:22,238 That could happen To the best of us. 341 00:14:22,262 --> 00:14:24,407 Well, not the Best of us, but, uh... 342 00:14:24,431 --> 00:14:26,575 Well, uh, toast without coffee 343 00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:27,865 Will be just fine. 344 00:14:27,934 --> 00:14:29,867 I plug in. 345 00:14:29,936 --> 00:14:32,370 Uh, remember, the toaster's a 2. 346 00:14:32,439 --> 00:14:35,039 You can't plug in More than a 5 with it. 347 00:14:35,108 --> 00:14:36,574 There is already a 6 in it. 348 00:14:36,642 --> 00:14:38,020 You'll have to pull it out. 349 00:14:38,044 --> 00:14:39,877 The butter will melt. 350 00:14:39,946 --> 00:14:44,215 Honey, a 2 won't go with a 6. 351 00:14:44,284 --> 00:14:45,216 It's very simple. 352 00:14:45,285 --> 00:14:47,551 All you gotta Remember is 6 and 1 are 7. 353 00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:49,720 6 and 1 is 7. 354 00:14:49,789 --> 00:14:51,934 I think I can remember that. 355 00:14:51,958 --> 00:14:53,057 Mr. Kimball, 356 00:14:53,126 --> 00:14:55,559 I want to ask you some Questions about wheat. 357 00:14:55,628 --> 00:14:56,560 Wheat? 358 00:14:56,629 --> 00:14:58,941 Oh, so, you're gonna Go ahead and do it? 359 00:14:58,965 --> 00:15:00,398 I certainly am. 360 00:15:00,467 --> 00:15:01,899 Well, that's fine, fine. 361 00:15:01,968 --> 00:15:04,113 I know a lot of fellas That plant wheat. 362 00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:05,448 Well, not a lot of fellas. 363 00:15:05,472 --> 00:15:07,738 There was one. Tom henderson. 364 00:15:07,807 --> 00:15:09,840 Yeah, he put in 640 acres. 365 00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:11,009 Ooh. 366 00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:12,343 That's a lot of wheat. 367 00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:14,678 Wheat as far as The eye could see. 368 00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:16,514 Fields of wheat. 369 00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:18,516 Beautiful crop. 370 00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:21,519 Lost his shirt. 371 00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:22,686 What? 372 00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,400 Well, he didn't lose his shirt. 373 00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:26,524 Lost his farm and his wife. 374 00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:29,027 He still has his shirt. 375 00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:32,030 If the wheat was so Good, what happened? 376 00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:33,742 The bottom fell out Of the wheat market. 377 00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:35,566 Just like it did this morning. 378 00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:37,579 Didn't you hear the Commodity broadcast? 379 00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:39,037 Oh, no. 380 00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:41,872 The generator went out Just as they were com... 381 00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:43,374 It dropped? 382 00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:45,709 Fell is a better word. 383 00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:48,712 No... Dropped is better. 384 00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:50,632 Wheat dropped?! 385 00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:52,428 Dropped, huh? Ohh! 386 00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:54,196 The bottom dropped right out. 387 00:15:54,220 --> 00:15:55,719 I didn't hear the 7:00 report. 388 00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:58,389 I was watching the tail End of the all-night movie. 389 00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:00,724 John wayne in color. 390 00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:03,227 I didn't know you Had a color tv set. 391 00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:06,564 Oh, no, that's the name Of the movie, color. 392 00:16:06,632 --> 00:16:08,899 You see, that's what the Gold miners used to say. 393 00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:09,833 They used to say, 394 00:16:09,902 --> 00:16:11,335 "You showin' any Color in your pan?" 395 00:16:11,404 --> 00:16:13,671 That meant there Was gold in the pan. 396 00:16:13,739 --> 00:16:15,019 That's very interesting. 397 00:16:15,075 --> 00:16:17,341 Now, mr. Drucker, 398 00:16:17,410 --> 00:16:19,843 Could I change my wheat seed? 399 00:16:19,912 --> 00:16:21,512 Well, I guess That'd be all right. 400 00:16:21,581 --> 00:16:23,221 What were you figurin' On changing it for? 401 00:16:23,249 --> 00:16:24,515 Corn. 402 00:16:24,584 --> 00:16:28,519 Glad to see you're going Along with doris's lumbago. 403 00:16:28,588 --> 00:16:31,021 Well, uh, that's Not why I'm doing it. 404 00:16:31,091 --> 00:16:32,734 I just thought, as Long as everybody else 405 00:16:32,758 --> 00:16:34,525 Is going for corn... 406 00:16:34,594 --> 00:16:36,026 I'd play it safe. 407 00:16:36,096 --> 00:16:38,362 Well, that's a wise Decision, mr. Douglas. 408 00:16:38,431 --> 00:16:41,031 Don't ask me to explain it, But corn seems to grow best 409 00:16:41,101 --> 00:16:42,866 When doris ziffel has lumbago. 410 00:16:42,935 --> 00:16:44,735 I ain't got lumbago. 411 00:16:44,804 --> 00:16:46,870 You haven't? Nah. 412 00:16:46,939 --> 00:16:48,239 I just told fred that. 413 00:16:48,308 --> 00:16:49,873 Why? 414 00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:51,587 Honey, when you're Married as long as me, 415 00:16:51,611 --> 00:16:53,089 There's many mornings You don't want 416 00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:56,214 To get out of bed And slop the pigs. 417 00:16:56,282 --> 00:16:59,883 Well, mrs. Ziffel, I'm Glad that you're not sick. 418 00:16:59,952 --> 00:17:01,385 I brought you a present. 419 00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:03,554 Oh, thanks. 420 00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:04,766 Last time I got a present 421 00:17:04,790 --> 00:17:06,724 Was when I was first married. 422 00:17:06,792 --> 00:17:09,960 Fred gave me my own plow. 423 00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:11,895 Near busted my back pullin' it. 424 00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:19,837 Looks like toast. 425 00:17:19,905 --> 00:17:21,172 Thank you. 426 00:17:21,241 --> 00:17:25,009 The first two I made You couldn't recognize. 427 00:17:25,077 --> 00:17:26,010 Ah. 428 00:17:26,078 --> 00:17:27,223 Well, it was awful nice of you 429 00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:28,390 Bringin' me something When you thought 430 00:17:28,414 --> 00:17:29,680 I was sick. 431 00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:31,227 Well, I would have Brought you hotcakes, 432 00:17:31,251 --> 00:17:34,185 But they were Too heavy to carry. 433 00:17:34,254 --> 00:17:35,894 Honey, if I had your looks 434 00:17:35,921 --> 00:17:37,065 And anything else you got, 435 00:17:37,089 --> 00:17:38,634 I never woulda moved out here. 436 00:17:38,658 --> 00:17:40,891 I promised my husband... 437 00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:42,738 I promised fred I'd try livin' here. 438 00:17:42,762 --> 00:17:45,196 That was 22 years ago. 439 00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:46,364 And you know what? 440 00:17:46,432 --> 00:17:49,233 He ain't never yet Asked if I liked it. 441 00:17:49,302 --> 00:17:51,035 I work for that man. 442 00:17:51,103 --> 00:17:55,039 I cook, I clean, I scrub, I sew, 443 00:17:55,107 --> 00:17:57,041 And what does it get me? 444 00:17:57,109 --> 00:17:59,710 An $8 bonus on christmas. 445 00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:01,212 I don't even get that 446 00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:03,881 If my lumbago don't pay off. 447 00:18:03,949 --> 00:18:06,094 That's why this Morning, I just decided... 448 00:18:07,353 --> 00:18:09,987 Oh, you know arnold. 449 00:18:10,056 --> 00:18:13,324 How do you do? 450 00:18:13,393 --> 00:18:14,825 He doesn't like me. 451 00:18:14,894 --> 00:18:17,161 Oh, you're sitting In his favorite chair. 452 00:18:17,230 --> 00:18:18,663 No, no, don't get up. 453 00:18:18,731 --> 00:18:20,931 Go watch tv. 454 00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:27,338 Arnold loves john wayne. 455 00:18:27,407 --> 00:18:29,340 John wayne. Would You believe it? 456 00:18:29,409 --> 00:18:30,886 When fred and me Was first married, 457 00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:33,511 People used to Come up to us and say, 458 00:18:33,580 --> 00:18:35,179 "Are you john wayne?" 459 00:18:35,248 --> 00:18:37,608 I had an awful time Convincin' 'em I wasn't. 460 00:18:39,419 --> 00:18:41,063 She had a terrible life. 461 00:18:41,087 --> 00:18:43,854 Cooking, cleaning Up, washing dishes, 462 00:18:43,923 --> 00:18:45,067 And telling everyone 463 00:18:45,091 --> 00:18:47,191 She wasn't john wayne. 464 00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:48,292 What? 465 00:18:48,361 --> 00:18:50,506 I couldn't see it, But I didn't want 466 00:18:50,530 --> 00:18:52,074 To hurt her feelings. 467 00:18:52,098 --> 00:18:54,365 For cryin' out loud, do You realize what she's done? 468 00:18:54,434 --> 00:18:57,034 She's got fred ziffel Planting corn, mr. Miller... 469 00:18:57,103 --> 00:19:01,205 We ain't plantin' rutabagars. 470 00:19:01,274 --> 00:19:03,085 Why didn't you come home And tell me this right away? 471 00:19:03,109 --> 00:19:04,642 We've planted a half an acre. 472 00:19:04,711 --> 00:19:06,255 Well, darling, I couldn't. 473 00:19:06,279 --> 00:19:07,712 She was so lonely. 474 00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:09,525 Her husband was outside, 475 00:19:09,549 --> 00:19:11,126 And arnold was In the living room 476 00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:13,817 Watching television. I don't... 477 00:19:13,886 --> 00:19:15,486 Arnold the pig? 478 00:19:15,555 --> 00:19:17,199 We gonna go on plantin' Corn, mr. Douglas? 479 00:19:17,223 --> 00:19:18,656 Of course not. 480 00:19:18,725 --> 00:19:20,491 What about this half-acre? 481 00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:21,825 Find the seeds 482 00:19:21,894 --> 00:19:23,761 And put them back into the sack. 483 00:19:40,413 --> 00:19:41,845 Well, I don't know, mr. Douglas. 484 00:19:41,914 --> 00:19:43,034 There ain't much of a market 485 00:19:43,082 --> 00:19:44,893 For used corn seed. Used? 486 00:19:44,917 --> 00:19:46,061 Oh, it's hardly used. 487 00:19:46,085 --> 00:19:48,352 It wasn't in the Ground... 2 hours. 488 00:19:48,421 --> 00:19:49,565 Well, I... We cleaned it 489 00:19:49,589 --> 00:19:51,400 All off, we dusted every speck. 490 00:19:51,424 --> 00:19:53,402 You won't find a Speck of dirt on... 491 00:19:53,426 --> 00:19:54,570 Hello there, mr. Douglas. 492 00:19:54,594 --> 00:19:56,071 Oh, hello there, mr. Ziffel. 493 00:19:56,095 --> 00:19:57,740 I want to apologize to you 494 00:19:57,764 --> 00:19:59,575 For my wife doris fakin'. 495 00:19:59,599 --> 00:20:01,610 Oh, please, nothing at All. No... No harm done. 496 00:20:01,634 --> 00:20:03,033 What do you mean, "No harm done?" 497 00:20:03,102 --> 00:20:06,036 Everybody's bringin' Back his corn seed. 498 00:20:06,105 --> 00:20:07,916 What are you planting Instead, mr. Ziffel? 499 00:20:07,940 --> 00:20:09,206 Wheat. 500 00:20:09,275 --> 00:20:11,420 Doris has got a couple Of beautiful bumps 501 00:20:11,444 --> 00:20:12,543 On her head. 502 00:20:12,612 --> 00:20:14,445 Oh, they ain't real wheat bumps. 503 00:20:14,514 --> 00:20:17,548 At first I thought They was horns. 504 00:20:17,617 --> 00:20:19,216 Mr. Ziffel, you didn't... 505 00:20:19,285 --> 00:20:20,763 No, I didn't put 'em there. 506 00:20:20,787 --> 00:20:22,431 She tripped over arnold 507 00:20:22,455 --> 00:20:24,736 When she was Going in to watch tv. 508 00:20:27,126 --> 00:20:29,226 What's mr. Ziffel Planting wheat for? 509 00:20:29,295 --> 00:20:30,606 It was down this morning. 510 00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:33,564 It came up again On the 2:00 news. 511 00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:35,899 I'm planting wheat. 512 00:20:35,968 --> 00:20:37,946 I wouldn't if I was you. 513 00:20:37,970 --> 00:20:39,610 What are you Planting, mr. Miller? 514 00:20:39,639 --> 00:20:40,904 Soy beans. 515 00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:42,906 But wheat was up On the 2:00 news. 516 00:20:42,975 --> 00:20:45,287 Soy beans was higher On the 3:00 news. 517 00:20:45,311 --> 00:20:47,471 And emily was crankier. 518 00:20:49,816 --> 00:20:52,750 What's it gonna be, mr. Douglas? 519 00:20:52,819 --> 00:20:54,752 Well, it's very simple. 520 00:20:54,821 --> 00:20:56,131 I'll plant half of My farm in wheat 521 00:20:56,155 --> 00:20:57,966 And the other half in soy beans. 522 00:20:57,990 --> 00:20:59,256 I'll help you load your car. 523 00:21:04,997 --> 00:21:05,997 Mr. Haney. 524 00:21:06,065 --> 00:21:08,098 What are you... Shh. 525 00:21:08,167 --> 00:21:09,411 What are you doing? 526 00:21:09,435 --> 00:21:11,602 Listenin' to my car radio. 527 00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:15,706 The radio is... Shh. 528 00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:20,210 Oh, I love that vic and sade. 529 00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:21,399 Where you been, mr. Douglas? 530 00:21:21,447 --> 00:21:22,546 Buyin' my seed. 531 00:21:22,615 --> 00:21:23,547 Oh, what'd you buy? 532 00:21:23,616 --> 00:21:24,548 Wheat and soy beans. 533 00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:27,551 Very shrewd. They was up at 3:00. 534 00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:29,553 Course, it's almost 4:00 now. 535 00:21:29,622 --> 00:21:32,155 I'll get the latest price Report on the radio. 536 00:21:34,794 --> 00:21:36,226 Secuse me, mr. Douglas, 537 00:21:36,295 --> 00:21:38,396 You're standin' Between me and pixley. 538 00:21:38,464 --> 00:21:39,997 Oh, I'm sorry. 539 00:21:41,634 --> 00:21:43,066 Oh, oh, here it is. 540 00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:45,068 Soy beans... Yeah? 541 00:21:45,137 --> 00:21:47,070 Down. Ohh. 542 00:21:47,139 --> 00:21:49,284 Well, that's only half Of what I'm gonna plant. 543 00:21:49,308 --> 00:21:50,908 What about wheat? 544 00:21:50,976 --> 00:21:54,077 Wheat... Way down. 545 00:21:54,146 --> 00:21:56,380 What's up? Corn. 546 00:21:56,449 --> 00:21:58,582 Corn? That's what you want? 547 00:21:58,651 --> 00:22:00,462 Yes. So, if you'll Take back my wheat 548 00:22:00,486 --> 00:22:02,753 And my soy beans, I'll load up with corn. 549 00:22:02,822 --> 00:22:04,422 Ok, well, I got That sack of stuff 550 00:22:04,490 --> 00:22:05,923 You brought back this afternoon. 551 00:22:05,991 --> 00:22:07,758 Good. 552 00:22:07,827 --> 00:22:10,027 Sam. 553 00:22:10,095 --> 00:22:11,239 I'm bringin' back the wheat. 554 00:22:11,263 --> 00:22:14,031 Oh, now, look here, fred! 555 00:22:14,099 --> 00:22:17,568 I decided against Soy beans, sam. 556 00:22:17,637 --> 00:22:19,069 You fellas gonna plant corn? 557 00:22:19,138 --> 00:22:20,616 Nope. Potatoes. 558 00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:23,040 Potatoes? 559 00:22:23,108 --> 00:22:24,586 Just heard a Bulletin on the radio 560 00:22:24,610 --> 00:22:26,321 About the department Of agriculture. 561 00:22:26,345 --> 00:22:30,047 Ah, so you decided to use The scientific approach? 562 00:22:30,115 --> 00:22:31,755 Instead of that Silly superstition 563 00:22:31,784 --> 00:22:35,719 Of the cranky spells and The lumbago and the bumps. 564 00:22:35,788 --> 00:22:36,832 What did the bulletin say? 565 00:22:36,856 --> 00:22:38,600 Secretary of agriculture's 566 00:22:38,624 --> 00:22:40,223 Got a cold. 567 00:22:40,292 --> 00:22:41,292 Cold? 568 00:22:41,360 --> 00:22:43,271 Yes, sir. And it's Gonna be a big year 569 00:22:43,295 --> 00:22:44,662 For potatoes. 570 00:22:51,637 --> 00:22:54,905 I can't understand how I got so panicked today. 571 00:22:54,974 --> 00:22:56,284 You know, in the city, If the stock market 572 00:22:56,308 --> 00:22:57,619 Goes down, I don't Rush to my broker 573 00:22:57,643 --> 00:22:59,409 And sell my stock. 574 00:22:59,479 --> 00:23:02,079 But out here, one Report that wheat is down, 575 00:23:02,147 --> 00:23:05,082 And I change to corn. 576 00:23:05,150 --> 00:23:06,628 And then I hear a report 577 00:23:06,652 --> 00:23:08,752 That mrs. Ziffel's Lumbago is a fake, 578 00:23:08,821 --> 00:23:10,621 And I switch to soy beans. 579 00:23:12,257 --> 00:23:14,069 Then I hear th-that Soy beans are down, 580 00:23:14,093 --> 00:23:15,693 I sell my soy bean... Ohh. 581 00:23:15,761 --> 00:23:17,862 I got a simple solution. 582 00:23:17,930 --> 00:23:19,363 What? 583 00:23:19,431 --> 00:23:21,298 Let's go back to new york. 584 00:23:23,402 --> 00:23:26,370 I am not going back to new york. 585 00:23:26,438 --> 00:23:28,558 I know that I can Make this farm work. 586 00:23:31,944 --> 00:23:33,755 If fred ziffel can Make his farm work, 587 00:23:33,779 --> 00:23:35,145 There's no re... 588 00:23:42,454 --> 00:23:44,889 What's this candle doing In the refrigerator? 589 00:23:44,957 --> 00:23:47,224 Darling, I had to plug In the dishwasher, 590 00:23:47,292 --> 00:23:50,561 Which is the 5, so I had to Unplug the refrigerator, 591 00:23:50,630 --> 00:23:51,729 Which is the 6. 592 00:23:51,797 --> 00:23:53,230 So, when I opened the door, 593 00:23:53,298 --> 00:23:55,399 The light didn't go on, And then I couldn't see, 594 00:23:55,467 --> 00:23:57,735 So I put in the candle. 595 00:23:57,803 --> 00:23:59,169 Good thinking. 596 00:24:02,141 --> 00:24:04,408 Oh, good, the number 5 stopped. 597 00:24:04,476 --> 00:24:06,410 Now I can plug in the number 6. 598 00:24:09,148 --> 00:24:10,614 You see, I'm learning. 599 00:24:10,683 --> 00:24:12,016 Yes, you are learning. 600 00:24:12,084 --> 00:24:14,018 And I'm proud of you. I'm very proud of you, 601 00:24:14,086 --> 00:24:16,020 And why did you put An electric toaster 602 00:24:16,088 --> 00:24:18,188 In the dishwasher?! 603 00:24:18,257 --> 00:24:21,358 Well, it was full of crumbs. 604 00:24:21,427 --> 00:24:24,361 Never put an electrical Appliance in a dishwasher. 605 00:24:24,430 --> 00:24:26,074 Well, I'm sorry, Darling, but, you see, 606 00:24:26,098 --> 00:24:29,033 I work on the Principle of 7, also. 607 00:24:29,101 --> 00:24:32,970 For 5 good things I Do, I do 2 stupid things. 608 00:24:43,883 --> 00:24:45,923 You know you have The number 8 kiss? 609 00:24:51,223 --> 00:24:54,158 Captioning made possible By mgm home entertainment 610 00:24:54,226 --> 00:24:57,346 Captioned by the national Captioning institute... Www.Ncicap.Org... 39182

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