All language subtitles for George and Mildred s01e08 Best Foot Forward
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1
00:00:56,810 --> 00:01:00,390
Ah, seven years old, Mildred. Seems like
only yesterday was a five -minute
2
00:01:00,390 --> 00:01:01,390
contraction.
3
00:01:01,730 --> 00:01:05,870
Oh, well, the years seem to fly past
when you're over 30. Do they really?
4
00:01:06,290 --> 00:01:07,530
So I'm told.
5
00:01:08,490 --> 00:01:10,130
Oh, am I kidding? Yes, they do.
6
00:01:10,910 --> 00:01:12,390
Will he like this cake?
7
00:01:12,710 --> 00:01:13,890
Oh, of course he will.
8
00:01:14,250 --> 00:01:17,610
Oh, when I was his age, I was lucky if I
got a biscuit with happy birthday
9
00:01:17,610 --> 00:01:18,610
penciled on it.
10
00:01:18,990 --> 00:01:21,590
And I never got what I asked for. What
did you ask for?
11
00:01:22,010 --> 00:01:23,010
Oh, you know...
12
00:01:23,230 --> 00:01:28,650
Clark Gable to Rome. Oh, Tristram's
easy. He's after an action man with
13
00:01:28,650 --> 00:01:29,650
hands.
14
00:01:29,830 --> 00:01:30,830
Aren't we all?
15
00:01:32,530 --> 00:01:35,110
Oh, Mildred. Oh, excuse me, it's
morning.
16
00:01:35,390 --> 00:01:37,270
Morning. Mildred, I can't find my
braces.
17
00:01:37,570 --> 00:01:39,170
They're hanging down the back of your
trousers.
18
00:01:39,490 --> 00:01:41,150
Yeah, hey? Oh, yes, they are.
19
00:01:41,410 --> 00:01:43,050
What a damn silly place to leave them.
20
00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:46,710
Oh, Mildred, have you been using my
razor on your legs?
21
00:01:46,950 --> 00:01:47,950
Certainly not.
22
00:01:48,720 --> 00:01:50,320
It's a bit blunt. I'll nick my throat.
23
00:01:51,100 --> 00:01:52,860
Trust you not to do the job properly.
24
00:01:54,060 --> 00:01:56,640
I don't see the point in getting tarty
up just to go to a pub.
25
00:01:57,080 --> 00:01:59,860
George, I want us to look nice.
26
00:02:00,160 --> 00:02:01,260
All right, all right.
27
00:02:01,580 --> 00:02:02,680
I'll blanco me Yankee.
28
00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:07,620
We're going to have lunch at that nice
little pub, you know, on the green. The
29
00:02:07,620 --> 00:02:11,480
Genevieve. Oh, yes, Geoffrey goes there.
It's a bit snobby. They have draught,
30
00:02:11,480 --> 00:02:12,480
gin and tonic.
31
00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:14,680
Well, it's better than the pub George
likes.
32
00:02:15,310 --> 00:02:17,590
I mean, if the glasses aren't filthy,
the landlord's queer.
33
00:02:18,570 --> 00:02:21,850
Well, I think I'd better go and see
what... Oh, Mildred, keep him busy while
34
00:02:21,850 --> 00:02:22,850
hide the cake. Right.
35
00:02:26,510 --> 00:02:27,510
Mummy!
36
00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:29,870
Oh, hello.
37
00:02:30,130 --> 00:02:34,650
Hello. I was teaching Pennypin to swim,
and he's gone all soggy.
38
00:02:34,930 --> 00:02:35,930
Oh, what is it?
39
00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:41,150
I'm going to put him in the oven. No,
not just now. Why don't we go and sit
40
00:02:41,150 --> 00:02:42,089
down?
41
00:02:42,090 --> 00:02:43,090
There we are, then.
42
00:02:44,090 --> 00:02:45,090
That's it.
43
00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:46,540
I hear you're having a party tomorrow.
44
00:02:46,860 --> 00:02:48,000
Yes, I'll be seven.
45
00:02:48,580 --> 00:02:50,560
I won't be allowed to go to Mummy's bed
anymore.
46
00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:51,920
Oh, dear.
47
00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:55,500
Not fair. See, that's Darian. And she's
older than I am.
48
00:02:56,620 --> 00:02:59,440
Yes, love. Well, you see, but... Oh,
good.
49
00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:02,280
I'm afraid he's wet his paddington. Oh,
not again.
50
00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:03,840
Oh, that!
51
00:03:04,020 --> 00:03:06,640
I dropped your hairdryer, but it went
bang.
52
00:03:08,380 --> 00:03:11,880
What? Yes, dear. Well, I think I'll
leave you to it.
53
00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:16,920
I'd had quite a few, of course.
54
00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:19,660
Staggering a bit, but perfectly fit to
drive.
55
00:03:19,920 --> 00:03:22,160
Yes. Got the car keys out, all set to
drive.
56
00:03:22,420 --> 00:03:23,700
The chap comes up to the window.
57
00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:25,480
One of the laddies in blue.
58
00:03:26,300 --> 00:03:27,620
Excuse me, sir, he said.
59
00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:29,800
I'd rather you didn't drive off.
60
00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:31,960
Oh, I said. Why not?
61
00:03:32,620 --> 00:03:35,700
Because, he said, you're sitting in my
panda car.
62
00:03:37,540 --> 00:03:38,560
Oh, jolly good.
63
00:03:38,780 --> 00:03:39,920
Say it again all round, please.
64
00:03:43,180 --> 00:03:46,660
I'd rather go to the pig and welly,
Mildred. They have a drag act on a
65
00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:47,800
Oh.
66
00:03:47,820 --> 00:03:48,820
We're coming here.
67
00:03:49,060 --> 00:03:52,440
And look, I want to create a good
impression, so stay in the background.
68
00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:55,700
Look. It's Mr. Formile.
69
00:03:56,060 --> 00:03:57,520
Coulee. Oh, good God.
70
00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:00,700
Friends of yours? No, neighbours. Just
neighbours.
71
00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:02,540
Excuse me. Oh, Mr.
72
00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:04,720
Formile. Fantastic seeing you here.
Hello.
73
00:04:05,100 --> 00:04:08,300
Hello. And all your friends, too.
74
00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:10,080
Yes. Well, Peter.
75
00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:11,680
Peter Foulkes.
76
00:04:12,170 --> 00:04:13,830
One larger from one small one.
77
00:04:14,090 --> 00:04:15,270
Really? Oh.
78
00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:19,269
George Roper, perfectly normal in every
way.
79
00:04:21,730 --> 00:04:23,430
This is Nigel, Charles.
80
00:04:23,870 --> 00:04:24,870
Oh, you remember Bunny?
81
00:04:25,530 --> 00:04:27,490
This is Mrs Roper and him.
82
00:04:27,750 --> 00:04:29,390
Oh, thank you.
83
00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:33,670
Oh, yeah, I'll have a pint of brown ale
and she'll have a port and lemon.
84
00:04:33,950 --> 00:04:34,950
Ah, yes. Sydney?
85
00:04:35,370 --> 00:04:36,930
Here we go, then. Have a few.
86
00:04:37,170 --> 00:04:39,470
Oh, that's very kind of you. Thank you
very much.
87
00:04:39,730 --> 00:04:40,730
Roper. Oh.
88
00:04:41,130 --> 00:04:43,850
Tell me, are you by any chance related
to the Oxford row?
89
00:04:44,670 --> 00:04:48,410
No. Are you by any chance related to the
folks who live on the hill?
90
00:04:50,130 --> 00:04:53,430
I thought we might get in a spot of golf
this afternoon.
91
00:04:53,730 --> 00:04:54,730
Oh,
92
00:04:54,890 --> 00:04:55,890
George, golf.
93
00:04:56,330 --> 00:04:58,650
Oh, George has always wanted to learn
golf.
94
00:04:58,910 --> 00:04:59,889
Yeah, I don't mind.
95
00:04:59,890 --> 00:05:01,090
I'll have to borrow a club or someone.
96
00:05:02,110 --> 00:05:04,410
Members only, I'm afraid. Sorry.
97
00:05:04,750 --> 00:05:07,410
There is very good crazy golf in the
park.
98
00:05:07,630 --> 00:05:08,790
They let anyone in.
99
00:05:10,390 --> 00:05:11,289
Oh, look.
100
00:05:11,290 --> 00:05:12,290
What's this stuff?
101
00:05:12,370 --> 00:05:15,430
That is real ale from the wood. Of
course, it tastes like Natchwater.
102
00:05:17,590 --> 00:05:18,590
I'm here.
103
00:05:19,050 --> 00:05:20,230
Oh, yeah.
104
00:05:21,290 --> 00:05:23,450
Well, that's not fair, is it, dressing
up as a customer?
105
00:05:24,770 --> 00:05:25,709
The weather.
106
00:05:25,710 --> 00:05:27,170
What? The weather.
107
00:05:27,810 --> 00:05:30,530
Are you by any means interested in the
weather?
108
00:05:30,810 --> 00:05:32,650
Well, yes. Oh, good.
109
00:05:32,890 --> 00:05:36,610
You see, because I think when there's
weather around, well, you can do
110
00:05:36,690 --> 00:05:37,690
can't you? I mean, you can...
111
00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:43,180
You can mow lawns. Well, I can't. Your
husband borrowed my lawnmower three
112
00:05:43,180 --> 00:05:47,000
ago. Ah, yeah, well, that's Mildred, you
see. She said before I give it back, I
113
00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:48,000
ought to get it repaired.
114
00:05:48,620 --> 00:05:52,080
Repaired? Ah, yeah, well, you see, I ran
it over your lawn sprinkler.
115
00:05:52,340 --> 00:05:53,560
Oh, I borrowed that as well.
116
00:05:57,660 --> 00:06:01,840
Oh, what a lot of toffee -nosed lard he
does, Mildred.
117
00:06:02,270 --> 00:06:03,650
They spurned their noses up at me.
118
00:06:03,890 --> 00:06:06,670
And do you wonder, juggling with your
pickled onion?
119
00:06:07,090 --> 00:06:09,710
I thought nobody would talk to me,
Mildred.
120
00:06:09,930 --> 00:06:13,150
I'm not surprised, after you told that
joke about the nun and the banana.
121
00:06:14,310 --> 00:06:17,690
I did think that a bit. The original
version was... I know what the original
122
00:06:17,690 --> 00:06:20,350
version was, George. I heard you telling
the vicar.
123
00:06:20,610 --> 00:06:21,610
Yeah, well, he laughed.
124
00:06:21,710 --> 00:06:22,910
Well, he didn't understand it.
125
00:06:23,870 --> 00:06:25,430
Come to that, I'm not sure I do.
126
00:06:26,390 --> 00:06:28,290
Ah, well, there you are, you see, there
was this nun.
127
00:06:28,550 --> 00:06:30,950
Yeah, well, thank you very much, George.
That is quite enough.
128
00:06:31,290 --> 00:06:33,390
I don't know why I bother. I really
don't.
129
00:06:33,630 --> 00:06:37,870
Yeah, well, next time we'll go... Hey,
look at Gordon, how did he go?
130
00:06:38,670 --> 00:06:40,390
He's going up and down like he's on a
trampoline.
131
00:06:40,730 --> 00:06:43,870
Oh, George, they wouldn't let him read
the news on a trampoline.
132
00:06:44,150 --> 00:06:45,630
He's going up and down like a
basketball.
133
00:06:46,430 --> 00:06:47,430
It's the aerial.
134
00:06:47,730 --> 00:06:51,170
There's nothing wrong with the aerial.
No, it's the man that put it up.
135
00:06:51,630 --> 00:06:52,630
He's an idiot.
136
00:06:52,990 --> 00:06:53,990
I put it up.
137
00:06:54,210 --> 00:06:55,610
I rest my case.
138
00:06:56,730 --> 00:06:59,310
Well, I think one of us should go in the
room and fix it. No, George.
139
00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:02,490
I think that I ought to get a man in to
do it properly.
140
00:07:03,430 --> 00:07:04,950
I've been thinking so for some time.
141
00:07:05,570 --> 00:07:08,930
Well, it costs money, Mildred. I'll do
it. No, you haven't got a ladder.
142
00:07:09,290 --> 00:07:10,810
That's all right. Our bar is next door.
143
00:07:13,990 --> 00:07:15,850
What time tomorrow will I be seven?
144
00:07:16,350 --> 00:07:21,450
Um, let me see. You were born at exactly
2 .30. You were four days late.
145
00:07:21,730 --> 00:07:23,430
I probably couldn't find my shoes.
146
00:07:24,310 --> 00:07:25,990
That may have been it, dear, yes.
147
00:07:26,550 --> 00:07:28,930
Will I ever be very, very old like you?
148
00:07:29,530 --> 00:07:31,510
Not if you keep asking questions like
that.
149
00:07:33,330 --> 00:07:37,350
All the people, all the decent, normal
people who might have moved in next
150
00:07:37,410 --> 00:07:39,390
I have to get a pickled onion juggler.
151
00:07:39,910 --> 00:07:40,910
What?
152
00:07:41,410 --> 00:07:43,590
Nuns, bananas, brown ale.
153
00:07:43,990 --> 00:07:46,750
Oh, Mr Roper. Yes, I can't stand the
man.
154
00:07:47,010 --> 00:07:48,390
Then why did you land in your ladder?
155
00:07:48,850 --> 00:07:54,690
What? I saw the business at our garage,
just now. Without asking, right.
156
00:07:56,410 --> 00:07:57,690
Enough is enough.
157
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:31,560
You had sprained your wrist and broken
your leg.
158
00:08:32,100 --> 00:08:34,820
Well, you will climb down ladders that
aren't there.
159
00:08:35,140 --> 00:08:36,520
Well, it was there when I went up.
160
00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:40,140
Will he live, then?
161
00:08:40,620 --> 00:08:44,660
Is it worth chatting to him? He's only
in for observation. He'll be out
162
00:08:44,660 --> 00:08:45,660
tomorrow.
163
00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:47,440
I'll bring Mrs Roper in now.
164
00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:50,140
She's very worried, so try and cheer her
up.
165
00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:52,200
Oh, blimey. What about me?
166
00:08:52,420 --> 00:08:53,700
I'm the one who needs cheering up.
167
00:08:55,340 --> 00:08:59,620
This. It's the worst hospital in the
country for broken limbs, you know.
168
00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:02,059
You are?
169
00:09:02,060 --> 00:09:04,520
Well, half the surgeons are straight off
the banana boat.
170
00:09:05,300 --> 00:09:08,200
The other half are the ones who weren't
good enough to emigrate.
171
00:09:08,500 --> 00:09:09,840
Well, there's only civil factor.
172
00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:13,220
Oh, you'll be lucky if you're not dot
and carry for the rest of your life.
173
00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:14,900
I mean, take me.
174
00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:18,440
Half my natural functions are being
performed by bits of plastic.
175
00:09:20,580 --> 00:09:21,580
Really?
176
00:09:22,220 --> 00:09:24,940
If I was to open my dressing gown, you'd
faint.
177
00:09:27,910 --> 00:09:28,910
George, love.
178
00:09:29,410 --> 00:09:31,330
Oh, how are you?
179
00:09:31,610 --> 00:09:32,870
Oh, not so good, Mildred.
180
00:09:33,470 --> 00:09:36,090
Oh, this is Mr... Jolly.
181
00:09:36,450 --> 00:09:37,450
Fred Jolly.
182
00:09:37,610 --> 00:09:39,210
Oh, how do you do?
183
00:09:39,430 --> 00:09:42,410
Well, I'll leave you to chat now, while
you still can.
184
00:09:44,230 --> 00:09:47,750
I've just had a word with the doctor,
George. He said nothing important has
185
00:09:47,750 --> 00:09:49,350
damaged. Nothing important?
186
00:09:49,590 --> 00:09:52,170
No. You were lucky. Your leg broke your
fall.
187
00:09:56,270 --> 00:10:00,270
Here's Mr. Fourmile, George. Now, he's
very worried, so do your best to cheer
188
00:10:00,270 --> 00:10:01,550
him up. Oh, it's true.
189
00:10:02,570 --> 00:10:03,570
Hello there.
190
00:10:03,630 --> 00:10:04,710
How are you feeling?
191
00:10:04,930 --> 00:10:05,930
Yeah, well, might you ask?
192
00:10:06,850 --> 00:10:08,070
Attempted murder, that's what it was.
193
00:10:08,650 --> 00:10:11,090
I wouldn't have moved the ladder if I'd
known you were up there. Oh, Mr.
194
00:10:11,310 --> 00:10:12,750
Fourmile, you mustn't blame yourself.
195
00:10:13,130 --> 00:10:13,949
Oh, thank you.
196
00:10:13,950 --> 00:10:15,550
Yes, he must. It was his fault.
197
00:10:16,610 --> 00:10:17,890
And you ruined my aerial.
198
00:10:18,300 --> 00:10:20,680
Actually, no. It was my area you pulled
down.
199
00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:22,380
But I don't want you feeling badly about
it.
200
00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:23,600
Oh, I bloody don't.
201
00:10:24,740 --> 00:10:25,740
Excuse me.
202
00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:28,920
I suppose you do realise that you can
sue?
203
00:10:29,120 --> 00:10:30,640
I don't think he wants to know anything
about it.
204
00:10:31,980 --> 00:10:32,980
Yes,
205
00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:34,319
I do. Go on.
206
00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:38,960
Well, I mean, there's loss of earnings,
pain and suffering, mental distress.
207
00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:41,560
You could sue him for every penny he's
got.
208
00:10:42,500 --> 00:10:43,500
Can I really?
209
00:10:46,990 --> 00:10:47,990
They were great.
210
00:11:17,260 --> 00:11:18,360
Oh, good morning, madam.
211
00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:20,340
One husband. Will you accept delivery?
212
00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:21,700
Yes, of course.
213
00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:24,280
There we are. Wipe your foot, George.
214
00:11:24,680 --> 00:11:25,680
That's it.
215
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:29,020
Come to me for the man, will you?
216
00:11:29,260 --> 00:11:32,220
I can manage him, Arthur. He's only a
little one. All right, all right. Don't
217
00:11:32,220 --> 00:11:33,220
rush me.
218
00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:34,620
Now, come along, George.
219
00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:36,560
No, no, no. Mind the stairs.
220
00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:38,000
I've just vacuum cleaned.
221
00:11:39,740 --> 00:11:43,080
He hasn't been in any trouble, has he?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Well, no, no
222
00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:45,980
trouble. Mind you, it wasn't a lot of
help for us. We were changing the
223
00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:47,080
but still.
224
00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:50,660
Where do you want him? Oh, in the
wheelchair, please. Right. In you go,
225
00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:51,800
Einstein.
226
00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:54,420
John, you seem to find all this highly
amusing.
227
00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:56,040
I am in pain, you know, pain.
228
00:11:56,380 --> 00:11:57,600
So am I. You're on me foot.
229
00:11:58,900 --> 00:12:03,320
Would you and your friends, would you
like to have a little drink on me? Don't
230
00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:04,560
tip him. He's on the National Health.
231
00:12:05,680 --> 00:12:06,680
Very generous of you.
232
00:12:07,599 --> 00:12:08,640
Well, fairly generous.
233
00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:10,440
I'll see myself out.
234
00:12:10,740 --> 00:12:13,820
Right. Well, now, George, you all right?
235
00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:16,420
Yeah. Is there anything I can do for
you?
236
00:12:16,620 --> 00:12:19,320
Oh, yeah, there is one thing you can do,
Milt. You know the bloke in the next
237
00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:20,279
bed to me in hospital?
238
00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:22,740
Yeah. Yeah, well, he wrote something on
the end of me foot, but he wouldn't tell
239
00:12:22,740 --> 00:12:23,439
me what it was.
240
00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:26,260
Oh, well, I can easily see what that is
for you.
241
00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:31,640
I see.
242
00:12:32,180 --> 00:12:34,200
Yeah, well, the nurses wouldn't tell me
what it was either.
243
00:12:34,540 --> 00:12:35,540
It's the sort of...
244
00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:37,280
Limerick, George.
245
00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:38,600
And not nice.
246
00:12:39,860 --> 00:12:41,760
With the matron's name really, Tucker.
247
00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:46,080
Well, but it isn't even true.
248
00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:49,640
I forbid you to look at it, George. How
can I look at it?
249
00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:51,339
Excuse me.
250
00:12:51,340 --> 00:12:53,000
Oh, Mr. Fulmire.
251
00:12:54,140 --> 00:12:57,600
Do come in, please. I saw the ambulance
and I thought, well...
252
00:12:57,850 --> 00:12:59,670
A bottle of champagne would cheer up our
invalid.
253
00:12:59,950 --> 00:13:03,690
Oh, yeah, well, I'm not sure I should
accept that. It might prejudice the
254
00:13:04,230 --> 00:13:06,750
Should I decide to sue you for every
penny you cost?
255
00:13:07,090 --> 00:13:09,230
George, it's just a little joke.
256
00:13:09,490 --> 00:13:10,490
Yes, yes.
257
00:13:10,710 --> 00:13:14,270
A wheelchair all right, is it? I hired
it for you from the WVS. They do all
258
00:13:14,270 --> 00:13:15,710
sorts. Wheelchairs, bicycles.
259
00:13:16,050 --> 00:13:19,330
I thought a wheelchair was best at
first, but... Should you want a bicycle
260
00:13:19,330 --> 00:13:22,810
later? Yeah, yeah, it might come in
handy for getting to and from the court.
261
00:13:24,010 --> 00:13:26,590
A glass of champagne, eh? Oh, may I?
262
00:13:29,089 --> 00:13:30,250
This will soon cheer you up.
263
00:13:36,170 --> 00:13:37,170
Good Lord.
264
00:13:38,230 --> 00:13:42,570
Oh, no, not for me, dear. I promised
Anne I'd pop back and, you know, give
265
00:13:42,570 --> 00:13:43,630
hand with the kiddies. Oh, sorry.
266
00:13:43,830 --> 00:13:44,990
Hey, what about me?
267
00:13:45,250 --> 00:13:47,290
Oh, don't be silly, George. You can't
help with a leg like that.
268
00:13:48,930 --> 00:13:49,930
Right.
269
00:13:50,230 --> 00:13:51,230
Right.
270
00:13:51,370 --> 00:13:52,370
What shall we drink to, then?
271
00:13:52,670 --> 00:13:54,090
British justice. No, no.
272
00:13:55,650 --> 00:13:57,610
How about... Oh, yes.
273
00:13:58,620 --> 00:14:00,640
The Athletic Matron Tucker, eh?
274
00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:02,420
That's insane, that rhyme.
275
00:14:02,680 --> 00:14:05,420
Well, didn't you write it? How could I
write it? I'm not a contortionist.
276
00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:06,720
Oh, no.
277
00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:08,240
She is, but you're not.
278
00:14:09,060 --> 00:14:11,120
Is there anything else I can do for you?
279
00:14:11,380 --> 00:14:13,220
Yeah, I'd like to see the racing at
Newmarket.
280
00:14:13,460 --> 00:14:15,900
Well, that's 60 miles away. No, no, no,
it's on television.
281
00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:17,660
26 -inch screen in colour.
282
00:14:18,340 --> 00:14:19,500
Well, it is in your house.
283
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:21,360
Oh, yes.
284
00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:34,500
Did you get that outfit for your
birthday?
285
00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:38,540
Yes. I'm supposed to be the low ranger,
only I can't get the mask on over my
286
00:14:38,540 --> 00:14:43,080
glasses. He had his father dressed as
Tonto with a feather duster stuck down
287
00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:44,720
back of his shirt. Oh, fun and games.
288
00:14:45,220 --> 00:14:46,880
I was the rancher's daughter, kidnapped.
289
00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:48,640
We tied her to a tree.
290
00:14:49,060 --> 00:14:51,600
Hands and feet, and that's how the
milkman found me. Can you imagine?
291
00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:52,840
Yes,
292
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:54,360
I can.
293
00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:59,560
I suppose it's working. The telly on me?
294
00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:01,460
Oh, yes. I had the aerial fixed.
295
00:15:01,900 --> 00:15:02,900
Cost me £20.
296
00:15:02,940 --> 00:15:06,020
Oh, yeah, well, I'll knock it off the
damages if I decide to sue.
297
00:15:08,680 --> 00:15:09,800
It's on ITV.
298
00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:11,960
ITV?
299
00:15:12,740 --> 00:15:18,520
Well, I don't think the second... ITV.
300
00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:19,999
That's it.
301
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:23,160
I should mention that my wife and I are
planning on having several children.
302
00:15:23,380 --> 00:15:24,620
Oh, you carry on. I'll watch the telly.
303
00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:32,530
It's a birthday party for Tristram. Ah,
it's all right. It won't bother me. So
304
00:15:32,530 --> 00:15:33,530
long as they keep quiet.
305
00:15:33,630 --> 00:15:34,810
Oh, hello, Mr Roper.
306
00:15:35,010 --> 00:15:36,010
How's the leg?
307
00:15:36,230 --> 00:15:37,230
Oh, broken.
308
00:15:37,450 --> 00:15:41,150
Apart from that, I mean. Oh, apart from
that, it's never been better. Good. Oh,
309
00:15:41,150 --> 00:15:42,150
charm.
310
00:15:43,390 --> 00:15:44,950
Actually, they were... No, no, leave
him, Anne.
311
00:15:45,530 --> 00:15:48,170
Have a balloon as well, shall I?
312
00:15:48,550 --> 00:15:50,390
Oh, I'll get it. Oh,
313
00:15:51,570 --> 00:15:56,770
hello there.
314
00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:00,380
It's Brian and Joanne, isn't it? Yes.
315
00:16:00,620 --> 00:16:04,280
This is for Tristan. It costs £1 .50 and
I don't like jelly.
316
00:16:05,780 --> 00:16:06,780
Bye.
317
00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:12,140
Isn't it nice seeing them enjoying
themselves?
318
00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:17,380
There goes one of your answers. Don't
tell me. I don't want to know.
319
00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:18,760
Stop that, Roger.
320
00:16:19,740 --> 00:16:20,740
Oh,
321
00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:23,400
so far, so good.
322
00:16:24,599 --> 00:16:27,240
Only two tantrums and one case of wet
trouser throw of excitement.
323
00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:30,340
I do hope it wasn't George.
324
00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:37,110
Is he spoiling their fun in there? No,
they're spoiling his.
325
00:16:37,690 --> 00:16:40,610
I think I'll organize a few party games
in a minute. Oh, no, you won't,
326
00:16:40,610 --> 00:16:42,150
Geoffrey. I know your party games.
327
00:16:42,490 --> 00:16:44,330
That's how we got Tristram in the first
place.
328
00:16:44,810 --> 00:16:48,090
I think I'll give a prize to the first
one that wants to go home. Oh, Geoffrey,
329
00:16:48,110 --> 00:16:51,650
they're nice little children. Now get
back in there before they destroy the
330
00:16:51,650 --> 00:16:53,810
play. No, come on, I'll go, love. Hold
it.
331
00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:55,430
You'll need a drink first.
332
00:16:59,850 --> 00:17:02,430
Give me the rest, will you? Tell me, I'm
trying to watch the telly.
333
00:17:03,210 --> 00:17:04,210
Do you mind?
334
00:17:04,609 --> 00:17:06,010
Can I give you a leg back?
335
00:17:06,430 --> 00:17:09,990
What? Can you get me a leg back or a leg
with your body?
336
00:17:10,550 --> 00:17:12,369
I've still got the old leg. It's in
there.
337
00:17:12,829 --> 00:17:14,190
Why don't you jump off the roof?
338
00:17:14,829 --> 00:17:18,690
I didn't jump off the roof. I'm trying
to watch the race. All right, all right,
339
00:17:18,690 --> 00:17:20,930
David. Come on now. We're going to play
a game.
340
00:17:21,250 --> 00:17:22,250
Right.
341
00:17:22,430 --> 00:17:23,430
There we are.
342
00:17:23,630 --> 00:17:24,630
Oi!
343
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:29,960
You haven't got a party hat on. There we
are. Look at that.
344
00:17:31,660 --> 00:17:35,580
He's got words written on his foot. Let
me see. No, no, no.
345
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:39,440
Now, what sort of game shall we play?
346
00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:40,800
Let's play a kissing game.
347
00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:42,680
No. It's my birthday.
348
00:17:42,980 --> 00:17:44,380
Let's play pass the party.
349
00:17:44,740 --> 00:17:46,200
Oh, what a good idea.
350
00:17:46,620 --> 00:17:49,320
All right, then everybody get round in a
circle. Come on, that's it. You can't
351
00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:50,320
get the party.
352
00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:53,200
That's it. There we are.
353
00:17:53,790 --> 00:17:54,790
There, you sit down.
354
00:17:55,130 --> 00:17:58,710
Matthew, Matthew, leave the kung fu till
later, do you?
355
00:18:00,170 --> 00:18:01,170
There.
356
00:18:02,070 --> 00:18:04,670
Well, I see you're entering into the
spirit of things. Yeah.
357
00:18:10,090 --> 00:18:11,610
How long's this going on for?
358
00:18:11,850 --> 00:18:13,310
Well, do you remember what it was like
when you were a child?
359
00:18:13,570 --> 00:18:17,010
I didn't have parties on my birthday. I
thought I'd treat my dad when he used
360
00:18:17,010 --> 00:18:18,010
the buckle end of his belt.
361
00:18:19,910 --> 00:18:21,890
There, here, and I did it. Oh, right
there.
362
00:18:22,490 --> 00:18:24,810
I'll tell you something. Here, hang on.
I'd let go, wouldn't I?
363
00:18:27,470 --> 00:18:28,470
No.
364
00:18:31,890 --> 00:18:35,530
Here, how about taking me for a pint?
That's the most sensible suggestion I've
365
00:18:35,530 --> 00:18:36,530
heard today. Come on.
366
00:18:37,070 --> 00:18:38,070
Hey!
367
00:18:38,630 --> 00:18:45,450
There I was,
368
00:18:45,550 --> 00:18:48,030
tooling up the M4, keep it down to about
80.
369
00:18:48,810 --> 00:18:53,170
Well, it was a bit foggy. Best to keep
on the safe side, yes. Hear the bell,
370
00:18:53,170 --> 00:18:54,250
the blue light close behind.
371
00:18:54,590 --> 00:18:56,310
For right, tally -ho!
372
00:18:56,910 --> 00:19:03,390
Down the service road, quick you turn,
up 3B143. Hello, Geoffrey.
373
00:19:04,350 --> 00:19:05,350
Hello, Peter.
374
00:19:05,870 --> 00:19:08,090
Sorry about... Ah, perfectly all right.
375
00:19:08,450 --> 00:19:11,870
Well, hello again. You're not looking
too well, are you?
376
00:19:12,090 --> 00:19:14,410
Won't be juggling any pickled onions
today, what?
377
00:19:15,030 --> 00:19:16,030
Ah,
378
00:19:16,330 --> 00:19:17,530
you see, mental distress.
379
00:19:18,190 --> 00:19:21,250
The brewery would take a dim viewer.
That should I decide to do.
380
00:19:22,070 --> 00:19:23,470
Yeah, a large one.
381
00:19:23,710 --> 00:19:24,710
Ah, yes.
382
00:19:24,870 --> 00:19:28,350
Two large Scottish people, didn't they?
There was a young matron named Tucker. I
383
00:19:28,350 --> 00:19:29,750
shouldn't bother for that one.
384
00:19:30,130 --> 00:19:31,049
It's a joke.
385
00:19:31,050 --> 00:19:32,810
Oh, hey, yeah, hey, talking about joke.
386
00:19:33,310 --> 00:19:36,790
Did I ever tell you the one about... If
you'll excuse me, the brewery's
387
00:19:36,790 --> 00:19:37,729
delivering today.
388
00:19:37,730 --> 00:19:40,450
Oh, yeah, before you go, will you get me
an ounce of rough shag and some fan
389
00:19:40,450 --> 00:19:41,450
papers?
390
00:19:41,470 --> 00:19:44,770
You don't serve that sort of thing, Hal.
Yes, at the back, and it's at the top
391
00:19:44,770 --> 00:19:45,589
of the hill.
392
00:19:45,590 --> 00:19:48,430
At the top of the hill? Oh, yeah, right,
yeah. Well, when we've had a drink,
393
00:19:48,470 --> 00:19:50,750
then another one. You can push me up
there, right?
394
00:20:01,010 --> 00:20:03,950
Oh, come on, son, get a move on.
395
00:20:04,310 --> 00:20:05,730
Look at how conditioned you are.
396
00:20:06,230 --> 00:20:07,930
You don't hear me puffing and panting.
397
00:20:19,100 --> 00:20:24,440
Right. What, uh... What do you want? One
ounce of rough shag and some bagpapers.
398
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:25,820
I'll give you the money later.
399
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:28,080
Yes. If I remember.
400
00:21:17,230 --> 00:21:18,230
I was over there, Sidney.
401
00:21:22,190 --> 00:21:22,710
Are
402
00:21:22,710 --> 00:21:29,450
you all
403
00:21:29,450 --> 00:21:32,530
right? Two Fs? What's going on?
404
00:21:35,770 --> 00:21:42,470
You see, I must say, in the first place,
I do feel, in some small way, that it
405
00:21:42,470 --> 00:21:43,970
was partly my fault.
406
00:21:44,270 --> 00:21:45,490
Well, I'll never live it down.
407
00:21:46,010 --> 00:21:50,810
Pranked by a wee... Well, if it'll be of
any help, I won't let George come into
408
00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:51,689
your pub anymore.
409
00:21:51,690 --> 00:21:55,510
It'll make me feel better. Oh, good.
Well, looking on the bright side, I
410
00:21:55,510 --> 00:21:56,510
even scratched.
411
00:21:57,550 --> 00:21:58,549
How do you do?
412
00:21:58,550 --> 00:22:04,430
I suppose you do realise that you could
sue him for every penny he's got.
413
00:22:05,810 --> 00:22:07,770
I hadn't thought of that.
414
00:22:08,290 --> 00:22:09,490
Oh, my God.
30077
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