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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:56,810 --> 00:01:00,390 Ah, seven years old, Mildred. Seems like only yesterday was a five -minute 2 00:01:00,390 --> 00:01:01,390 contraction. 3 00:01:01,730 --> 00:01:05,870 Oh, well, the years seem to fly past when you're over 30. Do they really? 4 00:01:06,290 --> 00:01:07,530 So I'm told. 5 00:01:08,490 --> 00:01:10,130 Oh, am I kidding? Yes, they do. 6 00:01:10,910 --> 00:01:12,390 Will he like this cake? 7 00:01:12,710 --> 00:01:13,890 Oh, of course he will. 8 00:01:14,250 --> 00:01:17,610 Oh, when I was his age, I was lucky if I got a biscuit with happy birthday 9 00:01:17,610 --> 00:01:18,610 penciled on it. 10 00:01:18,990 --> 00:01:21,590 And I never got what I asked for. What did you ask for? 11 00:01:22,010 --> 00:01:23,010 Oh, you know... 12 00:01:23,230 --> 00:01:28,650 Clark Gable to Rome. Oh, Tristram's easy. He's after an action man with 13 00:01:28,650 --> 00:01:29,650 hands. 14 00:01:29,830 --> 00:01:30,830 Aren't we all? 15 00:01:32,530 --> 00:01:35,110 Oh, Mildred. Oh, excuse me, it's morning. 16 00:01:35,390 --> 00:01:37,270 Morning. Mildred, I can't find my braces. 17 00:01:37,570 --> 00:01:39,170 They're hanging down the back of your trousers. 18 00:01:39,490 --> 00:01:41,150 Yeah, hey? Oh, yes, they are. 19 00:01:41,410 --> 00:01:43,050 What a damn silly place to leave them. 20 00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:46,710 Oh, Mildred, have you been using my razor on your legs? 21 00:01:46,950 --> 00:01:47,950 Certainly not. 22 00:01:48,720 --> 00:01:50,320 It's a bit blunt. I'll nick my throat. 23 00:01:51,100 --> 00:01:52,860 Trust you not to do the job properly. 24 00:01:54,060 --> 00:01:56,640 I don't see the point in getting tarty up just to go to a pub. 25 00:01:57,080 --> 00:01:59,860 George, I want us to look nice. 26 00:02:00,160 --> 00:02:01,260 All right, all right. 27 00:02:01,580 --> 00:02:02,680 I'll blanco me Yankee. 28 00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:07,620 We're going to have lunch at that nice little pub, you know, on the green. The 29 00:02:07,620 --> 00:02:11,480 Genevieve. Oh, yes, Geoffrey goes there. It's a bit snobby. They have draught, 30 00:02:11,480 --> 00:02:12,480 gin and tonic. 31 00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:14,680 Well, it's better than the pub George likes. 32 00:02:15,310 --> 00:02:17,590 I mean, if the glasses aren't filthy, the landlord's queer. 33 00:02:18,570 --> 00:02:21,850 Well, I think I'd better go and see what... Oh, Mildred, keep him busy while 34 00:02:21,850 --> 00:02:22,850 hide the cake. Right. 35 00:02:26,510 --> 00:02:27,510 Mummy! 36 00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:29,870 Oh, hello. 37 00:02:30,130 --> 00:02:34,650 Hello. I was teaching Pennypin to swim, and he's gone all soggy. 38 00:02:34,930 --> 00:02:35,930 Oh, what is it? 39 00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:41,150 I'm going to put him in the oven. No, not just now. Why don't we go and sit 40 00:02:41,150 --> 00:02:42,089 down? 41 00:02:42,090 --> 00:02:43,090 There we are, then. 42 00:02:44,090 --> 00:02:45,090 That's it. 43 00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:46,540 I hear you're having a party tomorrow. 44 00:02:46,860 --> 00:02:48,000 Yes, I'll be seven. 45 00:02:48,580 --> 00:02:50,560 I won't be allowed to go to Mummy's bed anymore. 46 00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:51,920 Oh, dear. 47 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:55,500 Not fair. See, that's Darian. And she's older than I am. 48 00:02:56,620 --> 00:02:59,440 Yes, love. Well, you see, but... Oh, good. 49 00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:02,280 I'm afraid he's wet his paddington. Oh, not again. 50 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:03,840 Oh, that! 51 00:03:04,020 --> 00:03:06,640 I dropped your hairdryer, but it went bang. 52 00:03:08,380 --> 00:03:11,880 What? Yes, dear. Well, I think I'll leave you to it. 53 00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:16,920 I'd had quite a few, of course. 54 00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:19,660 Staggering a bit, but perfectly fit to drive. 55 00:03:19,920 --> 00:03:22,160 Yes. Got the car keys out, all set to drive. 56 00:03:22,420 --> 00:03:23,700 The chap comes up to the window. 57 00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:25,480 One of the laddies in blue. 58 00:03:26,300 --> 00:03:27,620 Excuse me, sir, he said. 59 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:29,800 I'd rather you didn't drive off. 60 00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:31,960 Oh, I said. Why not? 61 00:03:32,620 --> 00:03:35,700 Because, he said, you're sitting in my panda car. 62 00:03:37,540 --> 00:03:38,560 Oh, jolly good. 63 00:03:38,780 --> 00:03:39,920 Say it again all round, please. 64 00:03:43,180 --> 00:03:46,660 I'd rather go to the pig and welly, Mildred. They have a drag act on a 65 00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:47,800 Oh. 66 00:03:47,820 --> 00:03:48,820 We're coming here. 67 00:03:49,060 --> 00:03:52,440 And look, I want to create a good impression, so stay in the background. 68 00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:55,700 Look. It's Mr. Formile. 69 00:03:56,060 --> 00:03:57,520 Coulee. Oh, good God. 70 00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:00,700 Friends of yours? No, neighbours. Just neighbours. 71 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:02,540 Excuse me. Oh, Mr. 72 00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:04,720 Formile. Fantastic seeing you here. Hello. 73 00:04:05,100 --> 00:04:08,300 Hello. And all your friends, too. 74 00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:10,080 Yes. Well, Peter. 75 00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:11,680 Peter Foulkes. 76 00:04:12,170 --> 00:04:13,830 One larger from one small one. 77 00:04:14,090 --> 00:04:15,270 Really? Oh. 78 00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:19,269 George Roper, perfectly normal in every way. 79 00:04:21,730 --> 00:04:23,430 This is Nigel, Charles. 80 00:04:23,870 --> 00:04:24,870 Oh, you remember Bunny? 81 00:04:25,530 --> 00:04:27,490 This is Mrs Roper and him. 82 00:04:27,750 --> 00:04:29,390 Oh, thank you. 83 00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:33,670 Oh, yeah, I'll have a pint of brown ale and she'll have a port and lemon. 84 00:04:33,950 --> 00:04:34,950 Ah, yes. Sydney? 85 00:04:35,370 --> 00:04:36,930 Here we go, then. Have a few. 86 00:04:37,170 --> 00:04:39,470 Oh, that's very kind of you. Thank you very much. 87 00:04:39,730 --> 00:04:40,730 Roper. Oh. 88 00:04:41,130 --> 00:04:43,850 Tell me, are you by any chance related to the Oxford row? 89 00:04:44,670 --> 00:04:48,410 No. Are you by any chance related to the folks who live on the hill? 90 00:04:50,130 --> 00:04:53,430 I thought we might get in a spot of golf this afternoon. 91 00:04:53,730 --> 00:04:54,730 Oh, 92 00:04:54,890 --> 00:04:55,890 George, golf. 93 00:04:56,330 --> 00:04:58,650 Oh, George has always wanted to learn golf. 94 00:04:58,910 --> 00:04:59,889 Yeah, I don't mind. 95 00:04:59,890 --> 00:05:01,090 I'll have to borrow a club or someone. 96 00:05:02,110 --> 00:05:04,410 Members only, I'm afraid. Sorry. 97 00:05:04,750 --> 00:05:07,410 There is very good crazy golf in the park. 98 00:05:07,630 --> 00:05:08,790 They let anyone in. 99 00:05:10,390 --> 00:05:11,289 Oh, look. 100 00:05:11,290 --> 00:05:12,290 What's this stuff? 101 00:05:12,370 --> 00:05:15,430 That is real ale from the wood. Of course, it tastes like Natchwater. 102 00:05:17,590 --> 00:05:18,590 I'm here. 103 00:05:19,050 --> 00:05:20,230 Oh, yeah. 104 00:05:21,290 --> 00:05:23,450 Well, that's not fair, is it, dressing up as a customer? 105 00:05:24,770 --> 00:05:25,709 The weather. 106 00:05:25,710 --> 00:05:27,170 What? The weather. 107 00:05:27,810 --> 00:05:30,530 Are you by any means interested in the weather? 108 00:05:30,810 --> 00:05:32,650 Well, yes. Oh, good. 109 00:05:32,890 --> 00:05:36,610 You see, because I think when there's weather around, well, you can do 110 00:05:36,690 --> 00:05:37,690 can't you? I mean, you can... 111 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:43,180 You can mow lawns. Well, I can't. Your husband borrowed my lawnmower three 112 00:05:43,180 --> 00:05:47,000 ago. Ah, yeah, well, that's Mildred, you see. She said before I give it back, I 113 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:48,000 ought to get it repaired. 114 00:05:48,620 --> 00:05:52,080 Repaired? Ah, yeah, well, you see, I ran it over your lawn sprinkler. 115 00:05:52,340 --> 00:05:53,560 Oh, I borrowed that as well. 116 00:05:57,660 --> 00:06:01,840 Oh, what a lot of toffee -nosed lard he does, Mildred. 117 00:06:02,270 --> 00:06:03,650 They spurned their noses up at me. 118 00:06:03,890 --> 00:06:06,670 And do you wonder, juggling with your pickled onion? 119 00:06:07,090 --> 00:06:09,710 I thought nobody would talk to me, Mildred. 120 00:06:09,930 --> 00:06:13,150 I'm not surprised, after you told that joke about the nun and the banana. 121 00:06:14,310 --> 00:06:17,690 I did think that a bit. The original version was... I know what the original 122 00:06:17,690 --> 00:06:20,350 version was, George. I heard you telling the vicar. 123 00:06:20,610 --> 00:06:21,610 Yeah, well, he laughed. 124 00:06:21,710 --> 00:06:22,910 Well, he didn't understand it. 125 00:06:23,870 --> 00:06:25,430 Come to that, I'm not sure I do. 126 00:06:26,390 --> 00:06:28,290 Ah, well, there you are, you see, there was this nun. 127 00:06:28,550 --> 00:06:30,950 Yeah, well, thank you very much, George. That is quite enough. 128 00:06:31,290 --> 00:06:33,390 I don't know why I bother. I really don't. 129 00:06:33,630 --> 00:06:37,870 Yeah, well, next time we'll go... Hey, look at Gordon, how did he go? 130 00:06:38,670 --> 00:06:40,390 He's going up and down like he's on a trampoline. 131 00:06:40,730 --> 00:06:43,870 Oh, George, they wouldn't let him read the news on a trampoline. 132 00:06:44,150 --> 00:06:45,630 He's going up and down like a basketball. 133 00:06:46,430 --> 00:06:47,430 It's the aerial. 134 00:06:47,730 --> 00:06:51,170 There's nothing wrong with the aerial. No, it's the man that put it up. 135 00:06:51,630 --> 00:06:52,630 He's an idiot. 136 00:06:52,990 --> 00:06:53,990 I put it up. 137 00:06:54,210 --> 00:06:55,610 I rest my case. 138 00:06:56,730 --> 00:06:59,310 Well, I think one of us should go in the room and fix it. No, George. 139 00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:02,490 I think that I ought to get a man in to do it properly. 140 00:07:03,430 --> 00:07:04,950 I've been thinking so for some time. 141 00:07:05,570 --> 00:07:08,930 Well, it costs money, Mildred. I'll do it. No, you haven't got a ladder. 142 00:07:09,290 --> 00:07:10,810 That's all right. Our bar is next door. 143 00:07:13,990 --> 00:07:15,850 What time tomorrow will I be seven? 144 00:07:16,350 --> 00:07:21,450 Um, let me see. You were born at exactly 2 .30. You were four days late. 145 00:07:21,730 --> 00:07:23,430 I probably couldn't find my shoes. 146 00:07:24,310 --> 00:07:25,990 That may have been it, dear, yes. 147 00:07:26,550 --> 00:07:28,930 Will I ever be very, very old like you? 148 00:07:29,530 --> 00:07:31,510 Not if you keep asking questions like that. 149 00:07:33,330 --> 00:07:37,350 All the people, all the decent, normal people who might have moved in next 150 00:07:37,410 --> 00:07:39,390 I have to get a pickled onion juggler. 151 00:07:39,910 --> 00:07:40,910 What? 152 00:07:41,410 --> 00:07:43,590 Nuns, bananas, brown ale. 153 00:07:43,990 --> 00:07:46,750 Oh, Mr Roper. Yes, I can't stand the man. 154 00:07:47,010 --> 00:07:48,390 Then why did you land in your ladder? 155 00:07:48,850 --> 00:07:54,690 What? I saw the business at our garage, just now. Without asking, right. 156 00:07:56,410 --> 00:07:57,690 Enough is enough. 157 00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:31,560 You had sprained your wrist and broken your leg. 158 00:08:32,100 --> 00:08:34,820 Well, you will climb down ladders that aren't there. 159 00:08:35,140 --> 00:08:36,520 Well, it was there when I went up. 160 00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:40,140 Will he live, then? 161 00:08:40,620 --> 00:08:44,660 Is it worth chatting to him? He's only in for observation. He'll be out 162 00:08:44,660 --> 00:08:45,660 tomorrow. 163 00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:47,440 I'll bring Mrs Roper in now. 164 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:50,140 She's very worried, so try and cheer her up. 165 00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:52,200 Oh, blimey. What about me? 166 00:08:52,420 --> 00:08:53,700 I'm the one who needs cheering up. 167 00:08:55,340 --> 00:08:59,620 This. It's the worst hospital in the country for broken limbs, you know. 168 00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:02,059 You are? 169 00:09:02,060 --> 00:09:04,520 Well, half the surgeons are straight off the banana boat. 170 00:09:05,300 --> 00:09:08,200 The other half are the ones who weren't good enough to emigrate. 171 00:09:08,500 --> 00:09:09,840 Well, there's only civil factor. 172 00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:13,220 Oh, you'll be lucky if you're not dot and carry for the rest of your life. 173 00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:14,900 I mean, take me. 174 00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:18,440 Half my natural functions are being performed by bits of plastic. 175 00:09:20,580 --> 00:09:21,580 Really? 176 00:09:22,220 --> 00:09:24,940 If I was to open my dressing gown, you'd faint. 177 00:09:27,910 --> 00:09:28,910 George, love. 178 00:09:29,410 --> 00:09:31,330 Oh, how are you? 179 00:09:31,610 --> 00:09:32,870 Oh, not so good, Mildred. 180 00:09:33,470 --> 00:09:36,090 Oh, this is Mr... Jolly. 181 00:09:36,450 --> 00:09:37,450 Fred Jolly. 182 00:09:37,610 --> 00:09:39,210 Oh, how do you do? 183 00:09:39,430 --> 00:09:42,410 Well, I'll leave you to chat now, while you still can. 184 00:09:44,230 --> 00:09:47,750 I've just had a word with the doctor, George. He said nothing important has 185 00:09:47,750 --> 00:09:49,350 damaged. Nothing important? 186 00:09:49,590 --> 00:09:52,170 No. You were lucky. Your leg broke your fall. 187 00:09:56,270 --> 00:10:00,270 Here's Mr. Fourmile, George. Now, he's very worried, so do your best to cheer 188 00:10:00,270 --> 00:10:01,550 him up. Oh, it's true. 189 00:10:02,570 --> 00:10:03,570 Hello there. 190 00:10:03,630 --> 00:10:04,710 How are you feeling? 191 00:10:04,930 --> 00:10:05,930 Yeah, well, might you ask? 192 00:10:06,850 --> 00:10:08,070 Attempted murder, that's what it was. 193 00:10:08,650 --> 00:10:11,090 I wouldn't have moved the ladder if I'd known you were up there. Oh, Mr. 194 00:10:11,310 --> 00:10:12,750 Fourmile, you mustn't blame yourself. 195 00:10:13,130 --> 00:10:13,949 Oh, thank you. 196 00:10:13,950 --> 00:10:15,550 Yes, he must. It was his fault. 197 00:10:16,610 --> 00:10:17,890 And you ruined my aerial. 198 00:10:18,300 --> 00:10:20,680 Actually, no. It was my area you pulled down. 199 00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:22,380 But I don't want you feeling badly about it. 200 00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:23,600 Oh, I bloody don't. 201 00:10:24,740 --> 00:10:25,740 Excuse me. 202 00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:28,920 I suppose you do realise that you can sue? 203 00:10:29,120 --> 00:10:30,640 I don't think he wants to know anything about it. 204 00:10:31,980 --> 00:10:32,980 Yes, 205 00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:34,319 I do. Go on. 206 00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:38,960 Well, I mean, there's loss of earnings, pain and suffering, mental distress. 207 00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:41,560 You could sue him for every penny he's got. 208 00:10:42,500 --> 00:10:43,500 Can I really? 209 00:10:46,990 --> 00:10:47,990 They were great. 210 00:11:17,260 --> 00:11:18,360 Oh, good morning, madam. 211 00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:20,340 One husband. Will you accept delivery? 212 00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:21,700 Yes, of course. 213 00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:24,280 There we are. Wipe your foot, George. 214 00:11:24,680 --> 00:11:25,680 That's it. 215 00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:29,020 Come to me for the man, will you? 216 00:11:29,260 --> 00:11:32,220 I can manage him, Arthur. He's only a little one. All right, all right. Don't 217 00:11:32,220 --> 00:11:33,220 rush me. 218 00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:34,620 Now, come along, George. 219 00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:36,560 No, no, no. Mind the stairs. 220 00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:38,000 I've just vacuum cleaned. 221 00:11:39,740 --> 00:11:43,080 He hasn't been in any trouble, has he? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Well, no, no 222 00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:45,980 trouble. Mind you, it wasn't a lot of help for us. We were changing the 223 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:47,080 but still. 224 00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:50,660 Where do you want him? Oh, in the wheelchair, please. Right. In you go, 225 00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:51,800 Einstein. 226 00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:54,420 John, you seem to find all this highly amusing. 227 00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:56,040 I am in pain, you know, pain. 228 00:11:56,380 --> 00:11:57,600 So am I. You're on me foot. 229 00:11:58,900 --> 00:12:03,320 Would you and your friends, would you like to have a little drink on me? Don't 230 00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:04,560 tip him. He's on the National Health. 231 00:12:05,680 --> 00:12:06,680 Very generous of you. 232 00:12:07,599 --> 00:12:08,640 Well, fairly generous. 233 00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:10,440 I'll see myself out. 234 00:12:10,740 --> 00:12:13,820 Right. Well, now, George, you all right? 235 00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:16,420 Yeah. Is there anything I can do for you? 236 00:12:16,620 --> 00:12:19,320 Oh, yeah, there is one thing you can do, Milt. You know the bloke in the next 237 00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:20,279 bed to me in hospital? 238 00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:22,740 Yeah. Yeah, well, he wrote something on the end of me foot, but he wouldn't tell 239 00:12:22,740 --> 00:12:23,439 me what it was. 240 00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:26,260 Oh, well, I can easily see what that is for you. 241 00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:31,640 I see. 242 00:12:32,180 --> 00:12:34,200 Yeah, well, the nurses wouldn't tell me what it was either. 243 00:12:34,540 --> 00:12:35,540 It's the sort of... 244 00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:37,280 Limerick, George. 245 00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:38,600 And not nice. 246 00:12:39,860 --> 00:12:41,760 With the matron's name really, Tucker. 247 00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:46,080 Well, but it isn't even true. 248 00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:49,640 I forbid you to look at it, George. How can I look at it? 249 00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:51,339 Excuse me. 250 00:12:51,340 --> 00:12:53,000 Oh, Mr. Fulmire. 251 00:12:54,140 --> 00:12:57,600 Do come in, please. I saw the ambulance and I thought, well... 252 00:12:57,850 --> 00:12:59,670 A bottle of champagne would cheer up our invalid. 253 00:12:59,950 --> 00:13:03,690 Oh, yeah, well, I'm not sure I should accept that. It might prejudice the 254 00:13:04,230 --> 00:13:06,750 Should I decide to sue you for every penny you cost? 255 00:13:07,090 --> 00:13:09,230 George, it's just a little joke. 256 00:13:09,490 --> 00:13:10,490 Yes, yes. 257 00:13:10,710 --> 00:13:14,270 A wheelchair all right, is it? I hired it for you from the WVS. They do all 258 00:13:14,270 --> 00:13:15,710 sorts. Wheelchairs, bicycles. 259 00:13:16,050 --> 00:13:19,330 I thought a wheelchair was best at first, but... Should you want a bicycle 260 00:13:19,330 --> 00:13:22,810 later? Yeah, yeah, it might come in handy for getting to and from the court. 261 00:13:24,010 --> 00:13:26,590 A glass of champagne, eh? Oh, may I? 262 00:13:29,089 --> 00:13:30,250 This will soon cheer you up. 263 00:13:36,170 --> 00:13:37,170 Good Lord. 264 00:13:38,230 --> 00:13:42,570 Oh, no, not for me, dear. I promised Anne I'd pop back and, you know, give 265 00:13:42,570 --> 00:13:43,630 hand with the kiddies. Oh, sorry. 266 00:13:43,830 --> 00:13:44,990 Hey, what about me? 267 00:13:45,250 --> 00:13:47,290 Oh, don't be silly, George. You can't help with a leg like that. 268 00:13:48,930 --> 00:13:49,930 Right. 269 00:13:50,230 --> 00:13:51,230 Right. 270 00:13:51,370 --> 00:13:52,370 What shall we drink to, then? 271 00:13:52,670 --> 00:13:54,090 British justice. No, no. 272 00:13:55,650 --> 00:13:57,610 How about... Oh, yes. 273 00:13:58,620 --> 00:14:00,640 The Athletic Matron Tucker, eh? 274 00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:02,420 That's insane, that rhyme. 275 00:14:02,680 --> 00:14:05,420 Well, didn't you write it? How could I write it? I'm not a contortionist. 276 00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:06,720 Oh, no. 277 00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:08,240 She is, but you're not. 278 00:14:09,060 --> 00:14:11,120 Is there anything else I can do for you? 279 00:14:11,380 --> 00:14:13,220 Yeah, I'd like to see the racing at Newmarket. 280 00:14:13,460 --> 00:14:15,900 Well, that's 60 miles away. No, no, no, it's on television. 281 00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:17,660 26 -inch screen in colour. 282 00:14:18,340 --> 00:14:19,500 Well, it is in your house. 283 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:21,360 Oh, yes. 284 00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:34,500 Did you get that outfit for your birthday? 285 00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:38,540 Yes. I'm supposed to be the low ranger, only I can't get the mask on over my 286 00:14:38,540 --> 00:14:43,080 glasses. He had his father dressed as Tonto with a feather duster stuck down 287 00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:44,720 back of his shirt. Oh, fun and games. 288 00:14:45,220 --> 00:14:46,880 I was the rancher's daughter, kidnapped. 289 00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:48,640 We tied her to a tree. 290 00:14:49,060 --> 00:14:51,600 Hands and feet, and that's how the milkman found me. Can you imagine? 291 00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:52,840 Yes, 292 00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:54,360 I can. 293 00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:59,560 I suppose it's working. The telly on me? 294 00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:01,460 Oh, yes. I had the aerial fixed. 295 00:15:01,900 --> 00:15:02,900 Cost me £20. 296 00:15:02,940 --> 00:15:06,020 Oh, yeah, well, I'll knock it off the damages if I decide to sue. 297 00:15:08,680 --> 00:15:09,800 It's on ITV. 298 00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:11,960 ITV? 299 00:15:12,740 --> 00:15:18,520 Well, I don't think the second... ITV. 300 00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:19,999 That's it. 301 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:23,160 I should mention that my wife and I are planning on having several children. 302 00:15:23,380 --> 00:15:24,620 Oh, you carry on. I'll watch the telly. 303 00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:32,530 It's a birthday party for Tristram. Ah, it's all right. It won't bother me. So 304 00:15:32,530 --> 00:15:33,530 long as they keep quiet. 305 00:15:33,630 --> 00:15:34,810 Oh, hello, Mr Roper. 306 00:15:35,010 --> 00:15:36,010 How's the leg? 307 00:15:36,230 --> 00:15:37,230 Oh, broken. 308 00:15:37,450 --> 00:15:41,150 Apart from that, I mean. Oh, apart from that, it's never been better. Good. Oh, 309 00:15:41,150 --> 00:15:42,150 charm. 310 00:15:43,390 --> 00:15:44,950 Actually, they were... No, no, leave him, Anne. 311 00:15:45,530 --> 00:15:48,170 Have a balloon as well, shall I? 312 00:15:48,550 --> 00:15:50,390 Oh, I'll get it. Oh, 313 00:15:51,570 --> 00:15:56,770 hello there. 314 00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:00,380 It's Brian and Joanne, isn't it? Yes. 315 00:16:00,620 --> 00:16:04,280 This is for Tristan. It costs £1 .50 and I don't like jelly. 316 00:16:05,780 --> 00:16:06,780 Bye. 317 00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:12,140 Isn't it nice seeing them enjoying themselves? 318 00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:17,380 There goes one of your answers. Don't tell me. I don't want to know. 319 00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:18,760 Stop that, Roger. 320 00:16:19,740 --> 00:16:20,740 Oh, 321 00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:23,400 so far, so good. 322 00:16:24,599 --> 00:16:27,240 Only two tantrums and one case of wet trouser throw of excitement. 323 00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:30,340 I do hope it wasn't George. 324 00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:37,110 Is he spoiling their fun in there? No, they're spoiling his. 325 00:16:37,690 --> 00:16:40,610 I think I'll organize a few party games in a minute. Oh, no, you won't, 326 00:16:40,610 --> 00:16:42,150 Geoffrey. I know your party games. 327 00:16:42,490 --> 00:16:44,330 That's how we got Tristram in the first place. 328 00:16:44,810 --> 00:16:48,090 I think I'll give a prize to the first one that wants to go home. Oh, Geoffrey, 329 00:16:48,110 --> 00:16:51,650 they're nice little children. Now get back in there before they destroy the 330 00:16:51,650 --> 00:16:53,810 play. No, come on, I'll go, love. Hold it. 331 00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:55,430 You'll need a drink first. 332 00:16:59,850 --> 00:17:02,430 Give me the rest, will you? Tell me, I'm trying to watch the telly. 333 00:17:03,210 --> 00:17:04,210 Do you mind? 334 00:17:04,609 --> 00:17:06,010 Can I give you a leg back? 335 00:17:06,430 --> 00:17:09,990 What? Can you get me a leg back or a leg with your body? 336 00:17:10,550 --> 00:17:12,369 I've still got the old leg. It's in there. 337 00:17:12,829 --> 00:17:14,190 Why don't you jump off the roof? 338 00:17:14,829 --> 00:17:18,690 I didn't jump off the roof. I'm trying to watch the race. All right, all right, 339 00:17:18,690 --> 00:17:20,930 David. Come on now. We're going to play a game. 340 00:17:21,250 --> 00:17:22,250 Right. 341 00:17:22,430 --> 00:17:23,430 There we are. 342 00:17:23,630 --> 00:17:24,630 Oi! 343 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:29,960 You haven't got a party hat on. There we are. Look at that. 344 00:17:31,660 --> 00:17:35,580 He's got words written on his foot. Let me see. No, no, no. 345 00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:39,440 Now, what sort of game shall we play? 346 00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:40,800 Let's play a kissing game. 347 00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:42,680 No. It's my birthday. 348 00:17:42,980 --> 00:17:44,380 Let's play pass the party. 349 00:17:44,740 --> 00:17:46,200 Oh, what a good idea. 350 00:17:46,620 --> 00:17:49,320 All right, then everybody get round in a circle. Come on, that's it. You can't 351 00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:50,320 get the party. 352 00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:53,200 That's it. There we are. 353 00:17:53,790 --> 00:17:54,790 There, you sit down. 354 00:17:55,130 --> 00:17:58,710 Matthew, Matthew, leave the kung fu till later, do you? 355 00:18:00,170 --> 00:18:01,170 There. 356 00:18:02,070 --> 00:18:04,670 Well, I see you're entering into the spirit of things. Yeah. 357 00:18:10,090 --> 00:18:11,610 How long's this going on for? 358 00:18:11,850 --> 00:18:13,310 Well, do you remember what it was like when you were a child? 359 00:18:13,570 --> 00:18:17,010 I didn't have parties on my birthday. I thought I'd treat my dad when he used 360 00:18:17,010 --> 00:18:18,010 the buckle end of his belt. 361 00:18:19,910 --> 00:18:21,890 There, here, and I did it. Oh, right there. 362 00:18:22,490 --> 00:18:24,810 I'll tell you something. Here, hang on. I'd let go, wouldn't I? 363 00:18:27,470 --> 00:18:28,470 No. 364 00:18:31,890 --> 00:18:35,530 Here, how about taking me for a pint? That's the most sensible suggestion I've 365 00:18:35,530 --> 00:18:36,530 heard today. Come on. 366 00:18:37,070 --> 00:18:38,070 Hey! 367 00:18:38,630 --> 00:18:45,450 There I was, 368 00:18:45,550 --> 00:18:48,030 tooling up the M4, keep it down to about 80. 369 00:18:48,810 --> 00:18:53,170 Well, it was a bit foggy. Best to keep on the safe side, yes. Hear the bell, 370 00:18:53,170 --> 00:18:54,250 the blue light close behind. 371 00:18:54,590 --> 00:18:56,310 For right, tally -ho! 372 00:18:56,910 --> 00:19:03,390 Down the service road, quick you turn, up 3B143. Hello, Geoffrey. 373 00:19:04,350 --> 00:19:05,350 Hello, Peter. 374 00:19:05,870 --> 00:19:08,090 Sorry about... Ah, perfectly all right. 375 00:19:08,450 --> 00:19:11,870 Well, hello again. You're not looking too well, are you? 376 00:19:12,090 --> 00:19:14,410 Won't be juggling any pickled onions today, what? 377 00:19:15,030 --> 00:19:16,030 Ah, 378 00:19:16,330 --> 00:19:17,530 you see, mental distress. 379 00:19:18,190 --> 00:19:21,250 The brewery would take a dim viewer. That should I decide to do. 380 00:19:22,070 --> 00:19:23,470 Yeah, a large one. 381 00:19:23,710 --> 00:19:24,710 Ah, yes. 382 00:19:24,870 --> 00:19:28,350 Two large Scottish people, didn't they? There was a young matron named Tucker. I 383 00:19:28,350 --> 00:19:29,750 shouldn't bother for that one. 384 00:19:30,130 --> 00:19:31,049 It's a joke. 385 00:19:31,050 --> 00:19:32,810 Oh, hey, yeah, hey, talking about joke. 386 00:19:33,310 --> 00:19:36,790 Did I ever tell you the one about... If you'll excuse me, the brewery's 387 00:19:36,790 --> 00:19:37,729 delivering today. 388 00:19:37,730 --> 00:19:40,450 Oh, yeah, before you go, will you get me an ounce of rough shag and some fan 389 00:19:40,450 --> 00:19:41,450 papers? 390 00:19:41,470 --> 00:19:44,770 You don't serve that sort of thing, Hal. Yes, at the back, and it's at the top 391 00:19:44,770 --> 00:19:45,589 of the hill. 392 00:19:45,590 --> 00:19:48,430 At the top of the hill? Oh, yeah, right, yeah. Well, when we've had a drink, 393 00:19:48,470 --> 00:19:50,750 then another one. You can push me up there, right? 394 00:20:01,010 --> 00:20:03,950 Oh, come on, son, get a move on. 395 00:20:04,310 --> 00:20:05,730 Look at how conditioned you are. 396 00:20:06,230 --> 00:20:07,930 You don't hear me puffing and panting. 397 00:20:19,100 --> 00:20:24,440 Right. What, uh... What do you want? One ounce of rough shag and some bagpapers. 398 00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:25,820 I'll give you the money later. 399 00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:28,080 Yes. If I remember. 400 00:21:17,230 --> 00:21:18,230 I was over there, Sidney. 401 00:21:22,190 --> 00:21:22,710 Are 402 00:21:22,710 --> 00:21:29,450 you all 403 00:21:29,450 --> 00:21:32,530 right? Two Fs? What's going on? 404 00:21:35,770 --> 00:21:42,470 You see, I must say, in the first place, I do feel, in some small way, that it 405 00:21:42,470 --> 00:21:43,970 was partly my fault. 406 00:21:44,270 --> 00:21:45,490 Well, I'll never live it down. 407 00:21:46,010 --> 00:21:50,810 Pranked by a wee... Well, if it'll be of any help, I won't let George come into 408 00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:51,689 your pub anymore. 409 00:21:51,690 --> 00:21:55,510 It'll make me feel better. Oh, good. Well, looking on the bright side, I 410 00:21:55,510 --> 00:21:56,510 even scratched. 411 00:21:57,550 --> 00:21:58,549 How do you do? 412 00:21:58,550 --> 00:22:04,430 I suppose you do realise that you could sue him for every penny he's got. 413 00:22:05,810 --> 00:22:07,770 I hadn't thought of that. 414 00:22:08,290 --> 00:22:09,490 Oh, my God. 30077

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