All language subtitles for some_mothers_do_ave_em_s02e04_frank_and_marvin

Where's the afternoon boat?

Search me, Skipper.

It's three hours overdue.

Who took it out?

Spencer. Spencer?

Well, he couldn't have lost the boat and
40 people between here and the lock.

Could he?

Give me a lift, someone.

Someone give me a lift.

Have another cup of tea.

the little job I left to do.

Hello? Dr.

Smedley? It's Mrs. Spencer.

Can I see you today?

Well, I did try to phone you yesterday,
but Frank was here, and I'd rather he

didn't know.

Well, not until I'm sure.

Yes? Yes, that will be fine.

You going out?

Mm.

You feeling better, then?

Yes, much better.

Shouldn't you be working?

The captain sent me home.

It wasn't my fault. The tide went out
before I was ready.

And then I met this mud bank.

Well, never mind. I expect you'll have
better luck at the holiday camp.

I've been thinking a lot about that.

I bought this new chisel on my way home
for my toolkit.

Thought I might do a few odd jobs around
the house.

Plus, make a dummy.

A dummy?

For my new act.

Frank and Marvin.

Hello, Frank.

Didn't you hear what I was going on
about before I come round to you?

There. Can you see my lips move?

No, Frank.

But I couldn't understand what you were
saying.

You can't expect me to pick it up
overnight.

Didn't you have any lunch?

Um, no, I felt a bit sick.

You were sick yesterday as well, weren't
you?

And you're putting on weight, my girl.

You know what that is, don't you?

No. Do you?

Yes.

It's all them carrots you keep eating.

I'd better go now. I've got an
appointment.

We'll have another check -up.

That's a very good idea.

You should see the dentist more often.

Especially if you're going to keep on
eating all them carrots.

Frank, how are we off financially? I
mean, if there was an emergency, would

be able to manage?

Well, it depends how long the emergency
lasted.

Look, Betty, I know what's worrying you.

But you mustn't get upset.

No? No.

If you have to have all your teeth taken
out, I'll get the money somewhere.

What shall I do first?

Hello, Frank.

What are you going to do with that?

More of them.

She's becoming a carrot addict.

So if she goes on like this, I shall
have to send her to Dr Smedley.

No, there's no doubt at all, Mrs
Spencer.

You're definitely pregnant.

I can hardly believe it myself.

Shall I tell Frank straight away?

Do you think it'll come as a surprise to
him?

It's bound to. He thinks I'm at the
dentist.

You'll have to tell him sooner or later.

But nobody can't tell me.

Now, there's nothing to worry about.
It's just a question of taking things

getting plenty of rest. And I can always
prescribe a tonic. Oh, thank you,

Doctor. Yes, that would help him a lot.

Not me.

You.

Now, tell me, are you still working?

Yes, just part -time.

I'm helping the welfare people.

I look after young children if their
mothers are in hospital or the parents

can't cope.

So, you think I should tell Frank about
the baby as soon as... possible, then.

Your husband does want a child, doesn't
he? Of course he does.

It's just that he's been trying so hard.

So long.

And now that it's finally happened,
well, I think it might come as a bit of

shock to him.

And he's lost his job as well.

So he's unemployed again.

Oh, no, no. He did apply for a job at a
holiday camp a couple of weeks ago, and

they did say... they'd give him an
interview if he was still interested.

Well, he ought to be all right. They
always need plenty of cleaners.

Cleaners? No, he wants to be a camp
playboy.

And he's doing a ventriloquist act.

Mind you, when he keeps his mouth
closed, you can't understand what he's

about.

To be honest, I have a job to understand
what he's talking about when he keeps

his mouth open.

How'd you get on?

Oh, um, all right.

Will you have to have anything taken
out?

Sort of, yes.

What's the matter?

I lost my job, didn't I?

I'm sorry, Frank, I completely forgot.

Oh, that's nice.

There was going to be a surprise for
you.

You know how the lid always jammed when
you put your foot on the pedal?

adds to the value, doesn't it?

I just wish it was a bit bigger, that's
all. Oh, it's quite big enough, Frank.

There's plenty of room for the two of
us.

Plenty of room for three, really.

Three?

Could you come and sit down a minute?

of tiny little feet.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm not having another cat in this
house.

I've had enough trouble with Cleopatra.

Last week, I caught her scratching a
wallpaper over there, and when I told

to stop, she did a whoopsie in my bear
eye.

you might have asked me first.

I thought you'd be pleased. That's all
right, Betty, if you've made up your

mind.

I won't stand in your way.

Just that I don't like you doing things
behind my back.

I suppose you get it from the welfare
people.

I know you're not looking after other
people's children, but this is

You'll bring it home, you'll look after
it, you'll grow fond of it. You must

probably love it.

And then one day the mother comes back
and she takes it home again.

And I don't want you getting upset.

I'm not talking about anyone else's,
babe.

To Kettle.

and take him upstairs.

Give him a little lie down and I'll
bring you up a nice carrot.

That's going to affect you, though,
won't I?

Oh, look, don't you worry about that
side of it.

You've got enough to do thinking about
the future.

Oh, no. Oh, there will be a lot of
expenses, Frank. Oh, no.

Do you still want to consider getting
that job at the holiday camp?

I've got to now, haven't I, so anyone
can get any money.

I've got to work overtime with Marvin.

When's he being delivered?

Not until the autumn. Well, that's all
right, then, because the pool's starting

in September. That gives me another
chance.

And as well, I can go and see Dr
Smedley.

What for?

Well, he's my baby's doctor, isn't he?
He'll expect me to put in an appearance.

Excuse me.

Is this the right place for the mothers
are going to be?

Jones, it's your turn next.

Mr Spencer.

Would you just step inside a moment?

Certainly. I won't even a minute,
ladies.

What are you doing here?

I wanted to ask you something.

You know perfectly well that my surgery
hours are in the morning and the

evening. Wednesday afternoon is set
aside for those who are pregnant.

Oh, no, that's why I'm here.

I thought I'd catch you while it was all
fresh in your mind. Fresh in my mind?

Well, you know, that...

Can't I make you understand?

Wednesday afternoon is when I see the
mothers.

Well, when do you see the fathers?

I don't.

Well, do you think that's fair?

Yes, Mr Spencer.

What do you

think? What do I think?

I'll tell you what I think.

My partner's away sick.

I am on call 24 hours a day, I have
urgent cases to attend to, and you come

bursting in on me without an appointment
at the wrong time just to show me a

cat's box.

That's my crib.

It's hardly big enough to take a sausage
roll.

I know it's a bit small, but I ran out
of wood.

If it was, I had to use the top of my
toolbox to make the bottom.

Come here just to show me this.

No, but I thought you might be
interested, seeing as you're handling my

I am a very busy man.

It's all right, though, isn't it?

Took me days to make.

No, it is not all right. It's completely
unsuitable and downright dangerous. Get

rid of it. Now, will you please go?

Well, I wanted to ask you a question.
All right, just one question and then

you'll go.

Yes. Sit down.

Now, you know that my wife is awaiting a
happy event?

Yes. Yes, I do.

That was your question. No, no, no, no.

That was just a recap.

This is my question, my real question.

What's going to happen to her?

What's going to happen to her?

Well, I know I should have read some
books on it and things, but I didn't

where to go.

Books, of course. I used to have some
here, but, um... Ah, yes, this is...

this one's not quite suitable, but the
only one I have at the moment, and it'll

give you an idea of what it's all about.

It's a standard sex education textbook.

Rosemary the rabbit?

I think you'll find that chapter three
will explain the basic facts.

Rosemary the rabbit meets Bertie the
bunny.

That's no good to me. There aren't any
people in it.

to know is, is she going to carry on
being sick and things all the time?

she may feel sick in the mornings, but
there's nothing to worry about. She's

perfectly fit.

Thank you.

Now,

supposing that my baby's born
immaturely, could

you give me a few simple hints?

Simple hints for what?

How to deliver him.

Answer. I really don't think you'd be
capable of delivering a baby.

Well, I could make a medical check.
Don't make anything.

And don't ever mention the idea to your
wife. It's very important that she

doesn't have any sudden shocks.

Has she seen your crib yet?

Yes, I did show it to her.

But she didn't say very much.

That's why I wanted a second opinion.
Well, don't take it too much to heart.

can't all be good at everything, can we?

Just a headrest gone.

I didn't use a big enough nail.

Still, it was only my first attempt.

Yes, quite so. Now, you must try not to
worry too much about your wife. You've

got a lot to look forward to. I
understand you're off to a holiday camp

Oh, she told you, did she? I had a
telegram from the entertainment's

this morning.

Hey, have you heard about my speciality?
Your speciality?

I'm operating Marvin with one hand from
behind, and then I've got a glass of

water... Yes, I'm sure you'll do very
well. Goodbye, Mr Spencer.

Say goodbye to Dr Smedley Marvin.

Goodbye, Dr Smedley.

Oh, Mr Lockwood, Ted can't make
tonight's show.

He's just taken the children's club for
cowboys and Indians.

Well, it'll be over by five, won't it?
Well, not for him. It was his turn to be

General Custer.

One of the kids put an arrow through his
leg.

That's all I need.

All right, you'll have to take over.
It's half past six, all right? Oh, Mr

Lockwood, I can't.

I've got far too much on it.

I've got a bit of a rush, won't I? I've
got five aside. Football is a quick job.

Roy, I've got no one else to do it. I'm
three playboys short.

Oh, blimey.

I'm three playboys short as it is.

Four, including Ted.

God, what a week. One disaster after
another.

Look, we'll have to just redo the whole
roster, that's all. Mr Lockwood, the

lads aren't going to wear that. They're
working far too hard.

Well, they're getting overtime, aren't
they? I mean, see... Yes!

Mr Lockwood? Yes?

They said you'd be here.

Yeah, well, just hang on a minute, will
you? I'll be with you in a moment. We

had twice as much staff at my last camp.
They're all... I did 14 hours

yesterday. And next week's going to be
worse. Jack's leaving on Monday. He

even have a lifeguard. But don't worry
about next week. I've got something

coming for an audition. Well, I hope
he's good.

Good morning.

How are you going to... I'll give you a
moment, sir.

I tell jokes, do a speciality act, and
I'm also a qualified swimmer, having

gained my certificate.

Well, I hope that's good enough for you.
It sounds great. He can take the kids

for lessons in the pool.

I told him to be here by four. He must
have got held up. Well, I'll ring the

main gate and see if he's waiting.
What's his name?

Frank Spencer.

Right. How do you do?

How do you do? How do you do?

Keep an eye open for him when you're
right. No, I'm here already.

I am he.

Who?

Mr Spencer, Frank.

I'm sorry I'm late, but I had to take
Marvin to the hospital for a head

transplant.

What?

He's my dummy.

I stuck his new ears on yesterday, put
him out to dry, and then I accidentally

backed the car over his head.

It's only a temporary setback. I'll be
all right on a night.

You're a ventriloquist. Yes.

And your dummy's at the hospital.

No, just his head.

I do other things as well. I'm self
-taught.

That's what I like to hear. Oh, I'd
rather you didn't touch me, if you don't

mind. I'm fully loaded.

Loaded? It's my Vesuvius.

My grand finale.

Frank Spencer, the human volcano.

That's marvellous. Yeah, that's very,
very... No, don't do that. Oh, no.

Would you like to hear another joke?

What did the kangaroo say to the
Australian?

Why don't you show us your volcano?

No.

He didn't say that.

No, no, no. Show us your volcano.

No, I'd rather save my eruption until
the end.

To the grand finale.

Good, good, good. And tell me, did you
have a good look round the camp when you

arrived? I did indeed.

And did you notice the swimming pool?

Yes, indeed.

We always have a lifeguard.

Oh, nice.

Better to be safe, eh?

He also gives swimming instructions.

Oh, good.

Maybe I'll be out of time to pop along.

If you will, you'll be giving the
lesson.

Well, I'm more of an entertainer,
really.

But you are a qualified swimming
instructor.

I wouldn't put it quite like that.

How would you put it, then?

I'm not a qualified swimming instructor.

Your letter says you've got a
certificate.

It's desperate of 25 yards,
breaststroke.

If you can teach him to swim 25 yards,
it'll be something.

Well, I didn't quite make that.

My mother gave me a toe for the last 10
years.

But as it was my sixth attempt, the man
said I could have the certificate

anyway. For perseverance.

Would you like me to get ready?

Yes, yes, yes, please do. Right.

I see you've brought your costume.

I beg your pardon? Well, the funny beret
and the Humphrey Bogart raincoat.

I always wear this.

It's been passed down to me, Humphrey
Bogart.

Come on, come on, come on. Don't take
any notice of Roy.

Let's get down to business, shall we?

Right.

What did the kangaroo say to the
Australian?

Yeah, well, don't let's waste too much
time with the jokes, Frank. I just want

rough idea of what you can do.

Well, of course, there's my Vesuvius.
Ah, yes, we can't wait to see that.

Then I tell the jokes and I do the
singing.

And there's my speciality act, Frank and
Marvin the Monkey.

Ventriloquist extraordinaire.

Would you allow me to get him out? Oh,
please, by all means.

I'll go and get ready.

If you can find him a jacket, we might
be able to slip him in tonight's show.

you think it's wide? Would you like to
get me two stools, please?

Oh, yeah.

Right, bring that right in.

Poi, hoi.

Have you noticed, have you?

It was the Dole's Hospital's fault. They
didn't have any spare heads.

There's a bit of a shortage on it. It's
not like the old days when they had a

lot to go round. There used to be ten a
penny.

But it was either this one or Donald
Duck.

And I thought Donald Duck would look
silly.

Now, this is for my grand finale.

I drink a glass of stout.

I was going to use water, but I thought
this would add a bit of colour, be more

spectacular.

Could you help me get up here?

I might not want to sit on my fuse box.

Settle down.

Annie? Oh,

I'm sorry.

I'm very cross with you, Marvin.

Are you really, Frank?

Yes, I am.

I've a good mind to send you back to
Africa.

No, please don't send me home.

come to see me? He saw you.

Have you seen his white trousers and his
blue jacket and his

red nose?

He looks like a Union Jack.

Could you tell him to stop, please? Will
you come down?

Marvin, stop it. Pull him off.

Now, don't you do that again.

What do you think?

Well, Frank, it's not bad, not bad at
all. But what we really need, Frank, is

singer. Yes, we need a singer. I'll get
ready.

Are you all right?

Yes, I'm fine. Just a little damp,
that's all.

Now, if you could help me out, please.

Can you whistle?

Yes. Ah, but the whistling's on the top
line there.

And it would be nice if you could play
the piano for me. Yes, Frank, by all

means. You forgot your music.

Yeah. Now.

Could you stand close to me, please?

Not too close. Right.

Just a minute, please. I'll stick my
thumb up when we're ready for you to

but we have to do a little dance first.

Right, you follow me?

I can't go too fast, because I'm a
Vesuvius.

Put your left leg and left together,
left together, point.

And right together, right together,
point.

That's very good.

Have you seen my show before?

No. Well, now, are we ready?

We've asked. Now, go for the one.

Ready? One, two, now do that. Three, and
keep together. One together, two

together, point.

And side together, side together, point.

Early one morning, just after sun is
rising.

Frank!

Frank! Frank, Frank, Frank.

Frank, Frank, I've heard enough.

Frank, Frank, Frank.

It's just not on, is it?

Well, I know what you mean, but it'll be
all right.

It's just that Roy came in a bit late.

It'll be all right after a bit of
practice. Oh, no, Roy, it's...

It's the song, the way you sing it, your
personality.

More personality.

No, no, no, wait a minute, wait a
minute, wait a minute. Frank, Frank,

you ever seen a real singer?

Yes, I have.

Roy, Roy, show him.

Right. Ladies and gentlemen, your
favourite of mine, the Welshman himself,

Tom, Kiss Me Again.

Oh,

yeah, of course.

His style is a little different to mine.

rebellion for me.

You understand.

Frank, Frank, you do understand, don't
you? Yes, I do. I mean, it's a movement.

You've got to have plenty of action.

Yes. I can't go too fast because of my
mood.

At the back.

Just do what you can.

It's not all right. Roy!

We've got to have someone and the lad is
keen.

Right, clap your hands, shall I? Help
you with the rhythm.

Mr. Lockwood, could you give me that
introduction bit because I like it.

All right, Roy.

Ladies and gentlemen, you've heard about
him, you've talked about him, you have

read about him. Well, now, you are going
to see him. The one, the only, Mr.

Frank, lock up your daughters, Spencer.

You could have had my eye out there.

All right. One, two, three.