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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:21,920 If I have to work with that man for one more second, I will not be responsible 2 00:00:21,920 --> 00:00:23,940 for my actions. I will not be responsible. 3 00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:30,800 I'll have it, Mrs. Perkins. I'll stick my boot right up his... 25 years I've 4 00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:31,800 worked for your grotto. 5 00:00:31,980 --> 00:00:33,200 5 years as a fairy. 6 00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:34,920 6 years as a pixie. 7 00:00:35,520 --> 00:00:37,560 And 14 years as Father Christmas. 8 00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:40,640 I've worked my fingers to the bone for this store. 9 00:00:41,060 --> 00:00:44,920 And I expect some consideration. I demand some consideration. I asked for a 10 00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:47,820 trained, capable, competent pixie. And what do I get? 11 00:00:49,340 --> 00:00:52,160 Incapable, incompetent, hand -fisted, brainless little butt. 12 00:00:53,540 --> 00:00:55,760 Text here I've ever seen in my entire life. 13 00:01:07,300 --> 00:01:12,380 And keep away from my sack. 14 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:15,220 I wouldn't dream of touching your sack. 15 00:01:15,770 --> 00:01:17,970 I had no intentions of touching your sack. 16 00:01:18,230 --> 00:01:19,048 Fair enough. 17 00:01:19,050 --> 00:01:20,510 You just take one step. 18 00:01:20,910 --> 00:01:21,950 Gentlemen, please. 19 00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:25,710 Surely you can work together without all this acrimony. 20 00:01:26,090 --> 00:01:30,750 Mrs. Perkins, there are some pixies you just can't work with. There are some 21 00:01:30,750 --> 00:01:32,730 pixies no one can work with. 22 00:01:33,250 --> 00:01:35,210 I didn't have to be a pixie, you know. 23 00:01:35,750 --> 00:01:37,450 This isn't my normal occupation. 24 00:01:37,930 --> 00:01:40,650 I know quite. I've got a lot of other strings to my bow. 25 00:01:41,930 --> 00:01:43,910 Strings that people wouldn't even know about. 26 00:01:44,570 --> 00:01:50,730 Mr. Spencer, you are the chief pixie. Mrs. Perkins, I am the only pixie. 27 00:01:52,450 --> 00:01:55,350 And about as much help as a three -legged reindeer. 28 00:01:56,530 --> 00:02:01,710 Mr. Spencer, you must understand that although you are the chief of the 29 00:02:01,770 --> 00:02:04,590 Father Crispus is in charge of our fairy grotto. 30 00:02:04,830 --> 00:02:06,150 He is your chief. 31 00:02:06,370 --> 00:02:07,830 That's the trouble with that grotto. 32 00:02:08,350 --> 00:02:11,030 There's too many chiefs and not enough pixies. 33 00:02:11,350 --> 00:02:13,030 I'm doing all the pixying myself. 34 00:02:14,110 --> 00:02:17,970 Well, it's very difficult to get the staff. There's plenty of staff in there. 35 00:02:18,410 --> 00:02:20,870 There's two gnomes sitting doing absolutely nothing. 36 00:02:21,630 --> 00:02:24,030 I know one's got his little fishing rod out. 37 00:02:24,630 --> 00:02:26,430 Just sitting on the hump, that's all. 38 00:02:27,210 --> 00:02:28,990 That's all he's supposed to do. 39 00:02:29,450 --> 00:02:30,690 Gnomes don't do things. 40 00:02:30,910 --> 00:02:31,930 Pixies do things. 41 00:02:32,350 --> 00:02:33,390 Gnomes are just decoration. 42 00:02:33,730 --> 00:02:35,550 They're just there to make a pretty sight. 43 00:02:36,220 --> 00:02:37,840 But why can't I just sit there? 44 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:40,880 Because you are not a pretty sight. 45 00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:45,660 Mr. Wheeler, this really isn't helping us to get on with our work. 46 00:02:45,900 --> 00:02:48,780 Can I sit under the tree like the fairy? 47 00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:52,160 You keep away from that little fairy. That fairy is a broken woman. 48 00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:55,380 Little fairy, have you seen a 14 stone if she's a day? 49 00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:59,120 She's already pulled one of her wings off. He's vicious, Mrs. Perkins. A 50 00:02:59,220 --> 00:03:02,820 vicious, sadistic little pixie. I had to. She was sitting on my magic flute. 51 00:03:04,940 --> 00:03:06,780 You had no business to let us sit on it. 52 00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:10,500 A pixie's magic flute should be where a pixie's magic flute belongs. 53 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:12,720 Round a pixie's neck. 54 00:03:13,500 --> 00:03:15,100 I had to cut it off. 55 00:03:16,060 --> 00:03:17,620 It was stopping my circulation. 56 00:03:18,920 --> 00:03:20,080 I'm a married man. 57 00:03:21,140 --> 00:03:24,260 And this costume leaves a lot to be desired, I must say. 58 00:03:24,540 --> 00:03:26,080 I can hardly cock a leg. 59 00:03:29,060 --> 00:03:30,920 Don't you kung fu your leg a move. 60 00:03:31,840 --> 00:03:34,200 It's a good job you were standing there, Mrs Perkins. 61 00:03:34,830 --> 00:03:35,890 I was trained by a monk. 62 00:03:37,310 --> 00:03:42,110 Mr. Spencer, I'm sorry about your costume, but you'll just have to manage 63 00:03:42,110 --> 00:03:43,110 best you can. 64 00:03:43,290 --> 00:03:46,410 I admit that it was originally designed for a female. 65 00:03:46,790 --> 00:03:48,770 Oh, well, that explains a great deal. 66 00:03:49,790 --> 00:03:55,050 That is an authentic pixie costume, handed down from pixie to pixie. Little 67 00:03:55,050 --> 00:03:56,890 pixie to little pixie may be. 68 00:03:57,190 --> 00:04:00,890 Little pixies with little legs and little developments. 69 00:04:03,310 --> 00:04:04,670 Oh, shut your mouth! 70 00:04:05,970 --> 00:04:10,270 When I was a little boy, Father Christmas was fat and jolly. 71 00:04:10,570 --> 00:04:14,390 Always had a happy smile, a little quip and a merry gesture. 72 00:04:15,270 --> 00:04:17,050 Oh, that's a nice merry gesture. 73 00:04:18,490 --> 00:04:23,430 I was nearly physically attacked there. No -one is going to attack you if you'll 74 00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:29,950 both just calm down or... Mr Spencer, this is my side of the desk. 75 00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:33,080 And now, all this arguing is getting us nowhere. 76 00:04:33,460 --> 00:04:36,820 I'm a perfectly competent pixie. Oh, no, you're not. 77 00:04:37,280 --> 00:04:40,780 I asked him to take the children to the magic wishing well, and they all 78 00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:42,720 finished up in the saloon bar of the Red Lion. 79 00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:48,960 That's only because one of the little boys wanted to do a Tommy Tinkle. 80 00:04:49,300 --> 00:04:55,580 And if the little devils don't like their presence, 81 00:04:55,940 --> 00:04:57,780 he gives them their money back. 82 00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:02,000 What? Well, they kept shouting at me and harassing me. 83 00:05:02,280 --> 00:05:03,820 Well, you should have stood up to them. 84 00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:07,880 The last cheap pixie I had could have cleared that grotto in five minutes 85 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:11,900 He was a proper pixie. I'm a proper pixie. And he can sing and dance and do 86 00:05:11,900 --> 00:05:14,700 funny things. I can sing and dance and do funny things. 87 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,600 The sun has got his eyes. 88 00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:24,680 You see what I mean? 89 00:05:25,660 --> 00:05:29,800 Mr Wheeler, I think we should try and be a little more charitable. 90 00:05:30,280 --> 00:05:32,380 Mr Spencer's doing his best. 91 00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:36,920 If I can give him one more chance, surely you can. Oh, no, I... That is my 92 00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:37,920 decision. 93 00:05:39,420 --> 00:05:40,420 Right. 94 00:05:41,020 --> 00:05:44,740 One more chance, Mrs Perkins said, and that's what you're going to get. 95 00:05:45,140 --> 00:05:49,380 Because if you make one more mistake, you'll be down that labour exchange so 96 00:05:49,380 --> 00:05:51,700 fast your little pixie boots won't touch the ground. 97 00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:53,480 Now, come on! 98 00:05:59,210 --> 00:06:01,530 I do, don't you? Because I gave you your instructions this morning. Yes, I did. 99 00:06:01,610 --> 00:06:03,410 Unless you've forgotten them already. No, I haven't. 100 00:06:03,830 --> 00:06:04,830 Right. 101 00:06:07,370 --> 00:06:10,070 Now, pixie bugle, which you will blow. 102 00:06:11,450 --> 00:06:13,450 Not now, when I tell you. 103 00:06:14,430 --> 00:06:16,970 Right. Now, stand by your tree. 104 00:06:18,050 --> 00:06:19,050 Open your tree. 105 00:06:21,190 --> 00:06:22,190 What do you do? 106 00:06:22,790 --> 00:06:24,770 I put my left hand in. 107 00:06:24,990 --> 00:06:26,850 I put my right hand in. 108 00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:29,600 My mother used to sing that. 109 00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:31,900 Never mind your mother. 110 00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:35,060 You do the hokey -cokey and you shake it all about. 111 00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:38,460 I'll shake you all about in a minute. And what do you do next? 112 00:06:38,900 --> 00:06:41,080 You put your left leg in. 113 00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:42,340 With your lever. 114 00:06:43,020 --> 00:06:45,720 I pull my lever with my left hand. 115 00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:49,920 Until you are safely in position. 116 00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:55,260 Right? Yes. Then I will press the button with my right hand. 117 00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:57,740 Oh, there's a worm. 118 00:07:00,110 --> 00:07:01,069 Mind your worm. 119 00:07:01,070 --> 00:07:02,630 What do you do with your second button? 120 00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:07,310 That will be thumb -pressed after I have pressed my first button and my second 121 00:07:07,310 --> 00:07:08,670 lever. Simultaneously? 122 00:07:08,950 --> 00:07:09,950 And both together. 123 00:07:11,170 --> 00:07:12,390 Any case of emergency? 124 00:07:13,010 --> 00:07:15,610 I will drop everything. You will not drop everything! 125 00:07:15,950 --> 00:07:16,950 I'll rephrase that. 126 00:07:17,570 --> 00:07:19,090 I will not drop everything. 127 00:07:19,530 --> 00:07:24,170 I will release my second button after pressing my first button and pulling my 128 00:07:24,170 --> 00:07:26,550 lever. Then I will take my handle. 129 00:07:27,590 --> 00:07:28,590 Wow. 130 00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:30,720 That should be simple enough even for you. 131 00:07:31,120 --> 00:07:36,440 Oh, it's a little more complicated than my sandbag flying device, currently 132 00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:39,900 being used by nativity angels of the Methodist denomination. 133 00:07:41,140 --> 00:07:43,440 But it doesn't... It seems quite straightforward. 134 00:07:44,500 --> 00:07:48,620 It better be straightforward, because I shall be watching you from up above. 135 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:51,920 And if anything falls on you, it won't be a Methodist angel. 136 00:08:00,170 --> 00:08:02,010 Hello, children. Hello, children. 137 00:08:02,330 --> 00:08:07,710 This is your chief pixie talking to you. I am your chief of the pixies. 138 00:08:09,950 --> 00:08:16,230 Now, we're all here to see Father Christmas, aren't we? And Father 139 00:08:16,230 --> 00:08:21,550 coming from Toyland with lots of nice things in his flying saucer. 140 00:08:22,550 --> 00:08:26,990 And he's going to come down and give us all presents. 141 00:08:32,809 --> 00:08:33,809 not person. 142 00:08:34,470 --> 00:08:36,530 It was you. Give me that up here immediately. 143 00:08:37,030 --> 00:08:38,030 Who do you think you are? 144 00:08:38,190 --> 00:08:39,190 Spider legs. 145 00:08:40,570 --> 00:08:41,770 Spider legs indeed. 146 00:08:42,630 --> 00:08:43,830 Stop looking up there. 147 00:08:45,730 --> 00:08:47,230 I'm the chief of the pixie. 148 00:08:47,470 --> 00:08:51,830 I'm the friend of all the little boys and girls. Oh, no, you're not. You're a 149 00:08:51,830 --> 00:08:52,830 puff. 150 00:08:56,430 --> 00:08:59,130 I beg your pardon. Block your ears. 151 00:09:00,550 --> 00:09:01,990 I'll remember your face. 152 00:09:02,650 --> 00:09:04,990 You needn't bother cleaning your chimney this Christmas. 153 00:09:05,410 --> 00:09:06,830 Get on with it. 154 00:09:07,250 --> 00:09:11,210 Right. I will blow my bugle one more time. 155 00:09:11,470 --> 00:09:14,390 No, you won't. You'll pull your lever now. 156 00:09:14,930 --> 00:09:16,650 All right, well, stop shouting at me. 157 00:09:17,670 --> 00:09:18,670 Here I go. 158 00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:05,240 describe me? 159 00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:12,480 Well, I'm trying to find myself another job, so I thought I'd try advertising. 160 00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:15,600 You don't know the first thing about advertising. 161 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:20,360 I meant advertising myself in the paper shop window. 162 00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:22,780 Do you need a man? 163 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:26,860 If so, contact F .W. Spencer. 164 00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:29,940 Well, you can't put that in the shop window. 165 00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:31,960 No, just write 166 00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:38,480 I like that, I like that. 167 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:41,260 No, no cross -out qualified. 168 00:10:41,660 --> 00:10:44,460 They might expect you to do something complicated. 169 00:10:45,560 --> 00:10:47,320 What do you mean? What about my lamp? 170 00:10:50,380 --> 00:10:51,380 I'll tell you. 171 00:10:52,620 --> 00:10:55,480 I've got it. I am willing to offer my services. 172 00:10:56,920 --> 00:10:57,920 No. 173 00:10:58,900 --> 00:10:59,900 No. 174 00:11:00,880 --> 00:11:03,080 No, one of them funny ones might read that. 175 00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:13,860 Experience driver. 176 00:11:14,660 --> 00:11:19,700 Distance, no object. Oh, be serious, Frank. I am experienced. My car's a 177 00:11:19,700 --> 00:11:21,260 familiar sight in Dockyard Lane. 178 00:11:22,180 --> 00:11:25,540 When you're driving it, it's the only car in Dockyard Lane. 179 00:11:26,380 --> 00:11:30,540 No, cross out experience driver. Now, what have you got left? 180 00:11:33,980 --> 00:11:35,300 I am a man. 181 00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:41,260 Distance, no object. 182 00:11:50,570 --> 00:11:55,170 Mr. Rogers hasn't worked for six months. Mr. Rogers is 86 years old. 183 00:11:56,850 --> 00:12:02,130 Nobody likes to keep active, though, doesn't he? And he's got all his 184 00:12:02,310 --> 00:12:04,190 I've got all my faculties. 185 00:12:04,610 --> 00:12:06,030 Young ones, all real. 186 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:22,800 Oh, that's nice. 187 00:12:23,100 --> 00:12:25,040 Yes, but somebody's already won that. 188 00:12:25,900 --> 00:12:28,580 Mind you, I could get the lawnmower. 189 00:12:29,220 --> 00:12:32,560 Oh, I need money, Betty. I've got to win some money. 190 00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:35,640 Have you seen this telephone bill? It's astronomical. 191 00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:39,200 You've been calling your father again, haven't you? 192 00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:41,900 No. Well, your mother has, hasn't she? 193 00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:43,980 Yeah, I can see it in your eye. 194 00:12:44,700 --> 00:12:48,360 Look, do you want her to pay for the call, is that it? No, no, no. 195 00:12:48,820 --> 00:12:50,860 It's just that we've got to economise. 196 00:12:51,310 --> 00:12:53,690 The whole country's facing a big slump. 197 00:12:54,370 --> 00:12:56,710 And we're slumping quicker than anybody else. 198 00:12:58,470 --> 00:13:02,930 It's just as bad for me. I mean, I don't enjoy seeing you worried. I'm doing the 199 00:13:02,930 --> 00:13:05,150 best I can to save money. No, no, I didn't mean that, Betty. 200 00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:06,910 Please, Betty. 201 00:13:08,050 --> 00:13:09,050 Don't make me run. 202 00:13:10,730 --> 00:13:12,110 It gives me the cramps. 203 00:13:12,930 --> 00:13:15,890 Look, I'll tell you what we'll do. After Christmas... 204 00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:19,040 I'll take you up to Scotland and we'll have a nice holiday. 205 00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:21,480 I'll show you where me mother bought her kilt. 206 00:13:23,300 --> 00:13:28,800 I don't want a holiday, Frank. All I want is for you to cheer up. 207 00:13:29,020 --> 00:13:31,220 I mean, things aren't that bad. 208 00:13:31,580 --> 00:13:36,220 No. No, I know you've lost your job and we haven't got any money. 209 00:13:37,220 --> 00:13:39,160 We can't afford to go anywhere. 210 00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:42,480 Please, 211 00:13:43,300 --> 00:13:44,300 Betty, don't cry. 212 00:13:46,030 --> 00:13:47,190 I like seeing you cry. 213 00:13:47,550 --> 00:13:51,650 No. It was a lovely thought of you to try and win me a lawnmower. 214 00:13:52,510 --> 00:13:54,170 It's something I've always wanted. 215 00:13:54,590 --> 00:13:56,290 But we haven't got any grass. 216 00:13:58,270 --> 00:13:59,630 I'll grow some, Betty. 217 00:14:00,230 --> 00:14:01,230 I'll grow some. 218 00:14:01,710 --> 00:14:06,410 Now, don't cry. Oh, I can't help it. Listen, you know what we used to do when 219 00:14:06,410 --> 00:14:08,090 you got upset when we were courting? 220 00:14:08,450 --> 00:14:10,130 You remember what I used to do? 221 00:14:10,730 --> 00:14:12,870 Yes, you do. I can see it in your eyes. 222 00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:22,520 now Frank I used to go and turn the television off and then I'd creep 223 00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:28,380 over to you and I'd sit down next to you put my arm round you and I'd blow in 224 00:14:28,380 --> 00:14:33,540 your ear and then I'd say was that funny smell 225 00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:44,580 Oh, it's no wonder she's losing weight. 226 00:14:45,780 --> 00:14:50,480 No, look, Frank, you must go and keep yourself occupied while you're out of 227 00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:52,920 work. I mean, couldn't you find yourself a little hobby? 228 00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:57,660 I've got my do -it -yourself handyman kit. No, I mean something useful. 229 00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:00,840 Useful? Did I hear correctly? 230 00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:03,820 Who made the front door, may I ask? 231 00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:05,080 And the bell? 232 00:15:05,820 --> 00:15:09,000 Which is still going strong, if my ears don't deceive me. 233 00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:11,580 And I'm in the middle of re -springing. 234 00:15:13,130 --> 00:15:14,850 You can't buy those in the shop. 235 00:15:16,990 --> 00:15:17,990 Beautiful indeed. 236 00:15:20,250 --> 00:15:23,670 I'd like to know what this house would be like if it wasn't for my box of 237 00:15:24,510 --> 00:15:28,030 Frank, the letter for you. Mrs Baker's just brought it round. 238 00:15:28,450 --> 00:15:29,510 Why did she have it? 239 00:15:29,890 --> 00:15:32,070 The postman gave it to her this afternoon. 240 00:15:32,450 --> 00:15:34,730 That's the third time this week. Why doesn't he bring them here? 241 00:15:35,270 --> 00:15:36,930 Because we haven't got a letter box. 242 00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:42,000 I can't do everything at once. I'll get round to it. 243 00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:45,300 Well, you should have thought of it when you made the front door. 244 00:15:45,540 --> 00:15:46,479 I did. 245 00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:48,200 Jessica did a dribble on the blueprint. 246 00:15:49,540 --> 00:15:53,600 Look, I know you think I'm always criticising, but it's not as though I'm 247 00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:54,600 for a lot. 248 00:15:54,740 --> 00:15:59,860 I mean, I've never wanted a fur coat or a deep freeze or anything like that. 249 00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:02,320 All I want is a letterbox. 250 00:16:05,380 --> 00:16:06,380 Betty? 251 00:16:11,370 --> 00:16:12,730 I got a letter, Betty. 252 00:16:14,210 --> 00:16:16,130 Yes. From the BBC. 253 00:16:18,610 --> 00:16:19,970 I'm excited, Betty. 254 00:16:21,790 --> 00:16:23,970 Oh, don't get excited. 255 00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:27,130 No, you know what happens when you get excited. 256 00:16:28,930 --> 00:16:32,590 Now, pull yourself together, friend. Pull yourself together. Keep a clear 257 00:16:32,830 --> 00:16:34,410 Now, tell me, what does it say? 258 00:16:34,850 --> 00:16:35,850 You remember. 259 00:16:36,110 --> 00:16:38,350 You remember when we had a television set. 260 00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:41,040 before you tried to mend it. 261 00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:47,120 And you remember that the BBC wanted entries for that do -it -yourself 262 00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:48,340 man about the Home Award? 263 00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:53,720 Yes. Well, Mr Skinner from the do -it -yourself shop sent my name in. 264 00:16:54,020 --> 00:16:55,020 He what? 265 00:16:55,780 --> 00:16:57,220 I'm his best customer. 266 00:16:58,820 --> 00:17:01,160 Has he actually ever seen anything you've made? 267 00:17:01,580 --> 00:17:03,880 No, no, but I've told him all about it all. 268 00:17:04,740 --> 00:17:08,579 And now the BBC have written to me, Betty. I've been chosen. 269 00:17:09,150 --> 00:17:10,150 I'm a candidate. 270 00:17:10,950 --> 00:17:14,190 The television people want to come here. 271 00:17:14,609 --> 00:17:15,630 Come here? 272 00:17:16,550 --> 00:17:18,290 And see all my work. 273 00:17:26,349 --> 00:17:28,470 I think I'll make a cup of tea. 274 00:17:29,770 --> 00:17:33,030 Oh, Betty, I think this calls for something a little stronger than tea. 275 00:17:33,610 --> 00:17:35,830 I think we could open a bottle of the 64. 276 00:17:36,570 --> 00:17:37,630 The 64? 277 00:17:38,120 --> 00:17:39,400 My mother's homemade wine. 278 00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:44,920 Oh, Betty, I've never been chosen to do anything before. 279 00:17:45,420 --> 00:17:46,480 Rhubarb or prunes? 280 00:17:47,180 --> 00:17:48,180 Rhubarb. 281 00:17:48,660 --> 00:17:50,560 It's a very bad year for prunes. 282 00:17:51,460 --> 00:17:53,680 Well, it wasn't this colour last year. 283 00:17:54,060 --> 00:17:58,020 No, but all the goodness has gone to the bottom. No, no, no, don't do that, 284 00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:01,080 Frank. You know what happened last time. All right, well, put it back in there. 285 00:18:01,140 --> 00:18:02,180 Let it simmer down a bit. 286 00:18:02,730 --> 00:18:06,310 Now, I must get everything organised. I want everything to be ship -shaped when 287 00:18:06,310 --> 00:18:08,250 they arrive. But what about my letterbox? 288 00:18:08,570 --> 00:18:13,050 I shall make the letterbox and my respringing of the upholstery my first 289 00:18:13,050 --> 00:18:14,050 priority. 290 00:18:42,090 --> 00:18:46,350 Just think, if I'm successful, I could be in the Radio Times. 291 00:18:47,490 --> 00:18:49,050 F .W. Spencer. 292 00:18:50,430 --> 00:18:55,790 Exhibition of front doors, lampshades and resprung sofas. 293 00:18:56,370 --> 00:18:57,590 When are they coming? 294 00:18:58,050 --> 00:19:00,030 They said, that's up to me. 295 00:19:00,250 --> 00:19:02,530 They'll come any time I'm not at work. 296 00:19:05,770 --> 00:19:07,490 Any time, really, can't they? 297 00:19:07,890 --> 00:19:09,370 Because I'm hardly ever... 298 00:19:09,790 --> 00:19:10,790 I'm always here. 299 00:19:12,130 --> 00:19:15,510 Except on Wednesdays when I got my driving lesson with Mr. Finney. 300 00:19:16,030 --> 00:19:19,670 Won't take long. I mean, last time you were home again in 20 minutes. 301 00:19:20,170 --> 00:19:21,430 It wasn't my fault. 302 00:19:21,650 --> 00:19:23,110 I should have had my full quota. 303 00:19:23,510 --> 00:19:25,130 Did the car break down again? 304 00:19:25,570 --> 00:19:27,670 No. Mr. Finney did. 305 00:19:30,610 --> 00:19:32,910 Why don't you fasten your seatbelt, Mr. Finney? 306 00:19:33,290 --> 00:19:36,110 It restricts me if I have to take emergency action. 307 00:19:36,550 --> 00:19:37,690 You mean like... 308 00:19:37,950 --> 00:19:38,950 Jump out. 309 00:19:39,330 --> 00:19:41,330 I mean like if I have to take over the wheel. 310 00:19:42,810 --> 00:19:44,890 Yes, but you have jumped out before, haven't you? 311 00:19:45,270 --> 00:19:46,630 On several occasions. 312 00:19:47,790 --> 00:19:49,730 Yes. Yes, yes, I have. 313 00:19:50,210 --> 00:19:51,970 I was a bit scared too. 314 00:19:52,730 --> 00:19:53,990 Well, let's start, shall we? 315 00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:56,490 Right. Now, Mr Spencer, one moment. 316 00:19:57,090 --> 00:20:01,210 Now, before we go out onto the road, have you remembered what I told you? The 317 00:20:01,210 --> 00:20:02,670 three essentials for safe driving? 318 00:20:03,450 --> 00:20:05,910 Apart, of course, from closing the door properly. 319 00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:11,200 I'm sorry. Now, three things you have to remember, Mr Spencer. 320 00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:12,640 Three things, right. 321 00:20:12,980 --> 00:20:16,800 Before you overtake, turn left or turn right. 322 00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:18,000 Yes. 323 00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:19,760 Oh, what are they? 324 00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:27,080 How do you expect to pass your test if you can't even remember a simple 325 00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:29,820 sequence? I can, I can, but you keep shouting at me. 326 00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:31,670 Mirror! Mirror. Signal. 327 00:20:32,010 --> 00:20:33,010 Signal. Maneuver. 328 00:20:33,190 --> 00:20:35,970 Maneuver. Mirror. Signal. Maneuver. Mirror. Signal. 329 00:20:36,170 --> 00:20:37,670 Maneuver. Well, think it. Do it. 330 00:20:38,390 --> 00:20:42,490 Hope it. Rise it up on the wall beside your bed if you have to. I have. I have. 331 00:20:42,550 --> 00:20:43,690 It's all over my ceiling. 332 00:20:45,710 --> 00:20:47,830 All right. Let's calm down, shall we? 333 00:20:48,150 --> 00:20:49,710 Yes. Let's not get excited. 334 00:20:50,050 --> 00:20:51,050 No. 335 00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:53,030 Now, you remember our little saying? 336 00:20:55,910 --> 00:20:58,890 An angry motorist. 337 00:20:59,210 --> 00:21:00,490 is a bad motorist. 338 00:21:01,750 --> 00:21:06,110 An angry motorist is a bad motorist. 339 00:21:07,310 --> 00:21:13,790 But... a happy motorist is a good motorist. Splendid! 340 00:21:14,110 --> 00:21:19,650 Splendid! Right, well, now, let's start nicely and... Right. 341 00:21:20,790 --> 00:21:24,550 An angry motorist... Right. 342 00:21:26,110 --> 00:21:28,290 One. Switch on. 343 00:21:30,670 --> 00:21:32,390 Two, select gear. 344 00:21:33,190 --> 00:21:35,550 Three, depress clutch. 345 00:21:36,810 --> 00:21:39,750 Four, indicator to right. 346 00:21:40,990 --> 00:21:43,370 Five, mirror. 347 00:21:43,770 --> 00:21:46,310 Six, move on. 348 00:21:52,150 --> 00:21:55,730 Four, indicator to the right. 349 00:21:56,770 --> 00:21:59,390 Five, check mirror. 350 00:22:00,470 --> 00:22:01,470 Six. 351 00:22:04,330 --> 00:22:05,790 Move the handbrake. 352 00:22:07,030 --> 00:22:08,030 Seven. 353 00:22:08,490 --> 00:22:09,490 Move away. 354 00:22:18,510 --> 00:22:20,670 Keep your eye on the road. 355 00:22:21,570 --> 00:22:23,530 Mr. Finney, have you ever been on television? 356 00:22:24,030 --> 00:22:25,030 No. 357 00:22:25,430 --> 00:22:26,590 I'm hoping to be. 358 00:22:27,090 --> 00:22:28,130 On the BBC. 359 00:22:29,100 --> 00:22:31,340 If you keep on driving, I guess we'll both be on the BBC. 360 00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:33,580 On the nine o 'clock news. 361 00:22:35,260 --> 00:22:37,140 You said I was driving much better. 362 00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:40,960 Much better. Could you possibly go just a little faster? 363 00:22:41,180 --> 00:22:43,640 I don't want to get too close to the car in front. 364 00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:46,720 Now, Mr Spencer, I can't even see the car in front. 365 00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:49,060 That's because it just went round the corner. 366 00:22:49,780 --> 00:22:54,620 I mustn't take any chances. Mr Spencer, that car is at least 300 yards ahead and 367 00:22:54,620 --> 00:22:57,500 we passed through the built -up area 20 minutes ago. 368 00:22:58,350 --> 00:23:02,050 I think it's reasonably safe for you to exceed 15 miles an hour. 369 00:23:03,190 --> 00:23:05,270 I'm going much faster than that. Look. 370 00:23:05,610 --> 00:23:08,010 Now, keep your eyes on the road and your hands on the wheel. 371 00:23:08,450 --> 00:23:12,970 I'm ready for anything. Yes, I'm alert. 372 00:23:14,450 --> 00:23:16,490 And I'm ready for anything, Mr. Finney. 373 00:23:18,210 --> 00:23:19,670 And I'm happy, too. 374 00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:28,320 We haven't really practiced any of the overtaking yet, have we? That's because 375 00:23:28,320 --> 00:23:30,660 you've never driven fast enough to catch up with anybody. 376 00:23:31,700 --> 00:23:32,699 Now, look. 377 00:23:32,700 --> 00:23:35,120 There's a woman on a bicycle ahead. You can overtake her. 378 00:23:35,420 --> 00:23:37,160 Can you give a sequence? Mirror, signal? 379 00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:38,880 Maneuver. Mirror, signal, maneuver. 380 00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:40,200 Right. Off you go, then. 381 00:23:40,420 --> 00:23:42,520 Ah, the devil's increasing his speed. 382 00:23:42,780 --> 00:23:45,580 You can overtake a woman on a bicycle. 383 00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:47,240 Put your foot down. 384 00:23:47,500 --> 00:23:49,460 And look behind before you pull out. 385 00:23:53,740 --> 00:23:56,100 Don't shout at me. Well, keep that mind on the job. 386 00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:57,600 And hit me. 387 00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:03,520 Oh, now you're slowing down again. 388 00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:05,240 I'm not. I'm not. 389 00:24:11,780 --> 00:24:12,780 Don't hug. 390 00:24:16,140 --> 00:24:17,140 Audacity. 391 00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:20,700 Now, keep at this speed. 392 00:24:23,500 --> 00:24:24,960 I feel like Andy Stewart. 393 00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:26,920 Who? 394 00:24:28,060 --> 00:24:29,320 The racing driver. 395 00:24:30,360 --> 00:24:32,500 Andy Stewart wears a kilt. 396 00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:36,980 Not when he's driving. 397 00:24:39,420 --> 00:24:40,480 Ah, now then. 398 00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:43,000 I want you to take the next turning on the left. 399 00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:44,700 Right. Left! 400 00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:46,460 That's what I meant. 401 00:24:46,740 --> 00:24:47,740 Left, right? 402 00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:48,840 Oh... 403 00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:52,300 Just take the next turning that you come to on the left. Now, I'm going to ask 404 00:24:52,300 --> 00:24:53,780 some questions on the highway code. 405 00:24:54,380 --> 00:24:57,400 Oh, I think we're coming to my weak spot. 406 00:25:03,500 --> 00:25:06,640 Oh, this is a nice wide road, isn't it? 407 00:25:31,090 --> 00:25:32,009 I'm sorry. 408 00:25:32,010 --> 00:25:33,970 Well, don't you touch anything until I get in there. 409 00:25:36,290 --> 00:25:38,230 What are you doing? Get back in that car. 410 00:25:38,870 --> 00:25:41,230 Aren't you getting in? Well, of course I'm getting in. 411 00:25:41,650 --> 00:25:43,090 Well, I'll get in there with you then. 412 00:26:39,280 --> 00:26:40,099 They look lovely. 413 00:26:40,100 --> 00:26:41,900 Thank you, Frank, and so do you. 414 00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:43,240 Here, Betty. 415 00:26:43,980 --> 00:26:46,200 Do you think I should grow a moustache? 416 00:26:47,120 --> 00:26:50,440 Well, you haven't got time to grow one now, Frank. They'll be here in five 417 00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:52,320 minutes. I didn't mean now, Betty. 418 00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:54,440 I meant for future use. 419 00:26:54,820 --> 00:26:56,420 It might improve my image. 420 00:26:56,920 --> 00:27:00,440 Just think, after today, we're going to be known by millions of people. We're 421 00:27:00,440 --> 00:27:01,920 going to be seen all over the country. 422 00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:05,600 I think my father used to have a moustache. 423 00:27:06,250 --> 00:27:08,790 Because he was always very spiky when he picked me up. 424 00:27:09,650 --> 00:27:13,870 I'm so nervous, Frank. There's no need to be. There's no need. Well, you're 425 00:27:13,870 --> 00:27:15,970 worried. You're perspiring. 426 00:27:16,310 --> 00:27:18,030 No, no. That's my aftershave. 427 00:27:19,270 --> 00:27:20,570 No, perhaps not, eh? 428 00:27:21,070 --> 00:27:22,470 It might be a ginger one. 429 00:27:23,730 --> 00:27:24,730 It's thanks. 430 00:27:26,650 --> 00:27:27,650 Don't panic. 431 00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:42,520 Come in here. 432 00:27:42,820 --> 00:27:45,780 I'm sorry I'm a bit late. There was a bit of confusion. I was told by a 433 00:27:45,780 --> 00:27:47,320 neighbour that it was a house with a green gate. 434 00:27:47,540 --> 00:27:50,820 Oh, well, yes, it used to be green. Oh, yeah, but I've been doing a bit of 435 00:27:50,820 --> 00:27:53,960 painting. Oh, do you really? Well, I must say, it all looks very good. 436 00:27:55,700 --> 00:27:57,540 I'll take your coat for you, Mr Jacobs. 437 00:27:58,480 --> 00:28:01,460 Is it all right if I get everybody to come in now? Oh, yes, please. All in 438 00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:04,160 Come on, that's Neville. How are you doing, Neville? 439 00:28:06,900 --> 00:28:08,620 And that's Linda who does the makeup. 440 00:28:09,940 --> 00:28:10,940 Well, 441 00:28:11,700 --> 00:28:14,780 Mrs. Spencer, as you know, you've been chosen for our Man About the Home Award. 442 00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:18,920 What we're going to do is we're going to do some filming. 443 00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:21,640 We've got the crew along, and what they do is... 444 00:28:29,550 --> 00:28:32,770 What we really want to do is to see some of the work that you've done. Over 445 00:28:32,770 --> 00:28:33,790 there, will you, President? 446 00:28:37,350 --> 00:28:38,790 You've got a funny walker there. 447 00:28:40,290 --> 00:28:42,250 He's actually got quite a lot of heavy equipment. 448 00:28:44,070 --> 00:28:48,290 Mr. Spencer, what we'd really like to do is perhaps see some film of the work 449 00:28:48,290 --> 00:28:49,029 that you've done. 450 00:28:49,030 --> 00:28:52,470 Yes. And a tour of the house. Oh, yes, I have often. 451 00:28:53,570 --> 00:28:54,570 No, 452 00:28:54,950 --> 00:28:58,870 well, you'll want to do it as well, certainly. Mr. Spencer, are you... 453 00:28:59,280 --> 00:29:02,840 all right? You look a little... No, no, I've just got very damp skin. 454 00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:05,240 It's spreading. 455 00:29:05,260 --> 00:29:06,119 I see. 456 00:29:06,120 --> 00:29:07,660 Have we got any turt? 457 00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:09,160 Turt? Oh, furt. 458 00:29:10,100 --> 00:29:14,440 She's had a bit of trouble. Oh, I... So, so. Who has? Jessica. 459 00:29:15,300 --> 00:29:16,300 Much better now. 460 00:29:16,740 --> 00:29:18,700 All over the kitchen, under the sink. 461 00:29:19,140 --> 00:29:21,720 Mrs. Spencer, would you mind, because we want to get this picked up, would you 462 00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:23,820 come and sit with me over here? Sit down there. 463 00:29:30,540 --> 00:29:32,200 Mr. Spencer might actually need something. 464 00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:33,800 Thank you, Neville. 465 00:29:33,820 --> 00:29:36,940 No, no, no, no, no. You just kissed him. You wiped my aftershave off. 466 00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:40,480 Don't worry, Mr. Spencer. Just relax. What are you doing to me? 467 00:29:40,980 --> 00:29:43,880 Just giving you a microphone. Don't put your face close to me. 468 00:29:45,740 --> 00:29:48,600 All right. I'll touch my wife's personal, didn't you? 469 00:29:48,920 --> 00:29:51,660 Mr. Spencer, don't worry about it. Relax. 470 00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:55,400 Relax and ignore the camera. And if it's all right with you, we'll start with 471 00:29:55,400 --> 00:29:56,400 Mr. Spencer first. 472 00:29:56,560 --> 00:29:57,640 Hello? Oh! 473 00:30:04,040 --> 00:30:04,919 I'm sorry. 474 00:30:04,920 --> 00:30:06,340 Right. All right, Desmond? 475 00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:09,540 Frank Spencer, man about the home, take one. 476 00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:16,440 You nearly had my nose off then. 477 00:30:17,780 --> 00:30:20,640 Desmond. He's a bit fast with his clapper, isn't he? 478 00:30:21,500 --> 00:30:22,680 If Spencer knows. 479 00:30:23,840 --> 00:30:27,180 Shall we try again, Desmond? Lovely. Thank you. Frank Spencer, man about the 480 00:30:27,180 --> 00:30:28,180 home, take two. 481 00:30:29,260 --> 00:30:30,260 Mrs. Spencer. 482 00:30:34,439 --> 00:30:36,600 Desmond. He's very patient, Desmond, isn't he? 483 00:30:37,320 --> 00:30:38,800 He has to be at times, isn't he? 484 00:30:39,040 --> 00:30:40,860 All right, let's try it again. 485 00:30:41,380 --> 00:30:43,420 Frank Spencer, Man About the Home, take three. 486 00:30:45,340 --> 00:30:50,080 Mrs. Spencer, were you very surprised when you found that your husband had 487 00:30:50,080 --> 00:30:51,980 chosen for the Man About the Home Award? 488 00:30:52,760 --> 00:30:54,960 Well, I was a little surprised, yes. 489 00:30:55,660 --> 00:30:57,360 Mind you, he's always doing... 490 00:31:04,300 --> 00:31:08,000 great blessing to have a handyman for a husband. Oh, yes, I'm always grateful. 491 00:31:09,280 --> 00:31:11,640 I never know what he's going to do next. 492 00:31:12,840 --> 00:31:15,500 In fact, it usually comes. 493 00:31:18,260 --> 00:31:22,100 All right, 494 00:31:24,860 --> 00:31:26,600 cut, Desmond. 495 00:31:26,920 --> 00:31:31,600 What are you doing? I'm not having any more of that. You was humming my 496 00:31:31,600 --> 00:31:32,600 there. 497 00:31:33,290 --> 00:31:35,890 I was trying to do was to keep the three of us together. I am trying to conduct 498 00:31:35,890 --> 00:31:36,689 an interview. 499 00:31:36,690 --> 00:31:39,890 On second thought, Desmond, I think we'll scrub the interview and we'll let 500 00:31:39,890 --> 00:31:40,890 work speak for itself. 501 00:31:41,970 --> 00:31:47,370 I tell you what we'll do, Mr. Spencer, we'll do some film of your work. You go 502 00:31:47,370 --> 00:31:52,790 out to that door and come, if you will, through the hallway where your wife will 503 00:31:52,790 --> 00:31:53,729 be waiting for you. 504 00:31:53,730 --> 00:31:55,250 Frank may do that as well. 505 00:31:56,120 --> 00:31:57,240 Well, that's absolutely splendid. 506 00:31:57,500 --> 00:32:02,000 So, you'll come into here. Yes, and through the doorway, down the hall. 507 00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:04,840 right. And you ignore the camera, and you ignore me. 508 00:32:05,140 --> 00:32:08,920 Just be yourself. And I'll be out in a minute to run you through it, all right? 509 00:32:09,120 --> 00:32:12,760 So, I stay in here, then, do I? If you would, Mrs. French, but you would sit 510 00:32:12,760 --> 00:32:16,640 over there, would you? Yes. Sit down there, all right? What I want you to do, 511 00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:20,080 you will, is to wait there to greet your husband when he comes home from work. 512 00:32:20,360 --> 00:32:24,420 Just imagine it's an ordinary, normal day in your family life. 513 00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:32,120 Right. Now, Mr Spencer. 514 00:32:32,780 --> 00:32:33,900 Mr Spencer. 515 00:32:34,840 --> 00:32:35,840 Mr Spencer. 516 00:32:35,880 --> 00:32:37,000 Mr Spencer. 517 00:32:38,460 --> 00:32:39,880 There's someone at the door. 518 00:32:45,100 --> 00:32:46,760 Hello, Betty. I'm home. 519 00:32:47,640 --> 00:32:51,960 It's me, Betty. Here I am. I walked all the way down the pathway. 520 00:32:52,420 --> 00:32:54,540 And then I got over there. Mr Spencer. 521 00:33:00,330 --> 00:33:01,690 You told me to ignore you. 522 00:33:02,970 --> 00:33:07,950 Not when I am speaking to you. And we're not ready yet. And when I told you to 523 00:33:07,950 --> 00:33:11,390 go outside the door, I didn't actually mean outside the house. 524 00:33:11,650 --> 00:33:14,390 Well, you didn't say that. I was just trying to get into the part. 525 00:33:14,950 --> 00:33:17,630 And I thought it would give the viewers a chance to hear my bell. 526 00:33:19,670 --> 00:33:22,510 Well, I think the viewers have had their chance to hear your bell. 527 00:33:23,690 --> 00:33:26,070 And now they'd like to stop hearing your bell. 528 00:33:28,490 --> 00:33:29,490 Desmond? 529 00:33:29,649 --> 00:33:30,649 Ignore the hallway. 530 00:33:31,690 --> 00:33:34,150 Do you want to see my R .F. Pricey? No. 531 00:33:35,090 --> 00:33:36,550 He's not getting on all right. 532 00:33:36,770 --> 00:33:38,650 He's very quick at picking things up. 533 00:33:39,010 --> 00:33:41,570 Oh, he's had to pick up quite a few things already. 534 00:33:42,370 --> 00:33:45,830 Right, let's do it. Frank Spencer, man about the home, take four. 535 00:33:47,910 --> 00:33:50,350 Spencer, we are ready for you. 536 00:33:51,090 --> 00:33:54,090 Mr. Jacobs, are you ready for me? 537 00:34:10,860 --> 00:34:15,219 words and she spoke first. You don't have any words, Mr Spencer. This is 538 00:34:15,219 --> 00:34:19,679 film. All I'd like to see is perhaps your mouth working. Now, will you please 539 00:34:19,679 --> 00:34:21,139 outside and do it again? 540 00:34:23,980 --> 00:34:25,179 I'm sorry, Desmond. 541 00:34:26,360 --> 00:34:30,719 He hasn't been on television before. It's all quite new to him. Mrs Spencer, 542 00:34:30,719 --> 00:34:34,460 I want him to do is to come through that door and just say... 543 00:34:54,639 --> 00:34:57,480 I want to get this thing done. Let's do it. Strike, Spencer. Mind about the home 544 00:34:57,480 --> 00:34:58,138 take. Fine. 545 00:34:58,140 --> 00:34:59,140 Keep running, Mr. Spencer. 546 00:34:59,360 --> 00:35:00,360 Keep running. 547 00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:02,160 Keep running. 548 00:35:02,620 --> 00:35:03,620 Keep running. 549 00:35:04,900 --> 00:35:06,560 Oh, snap your foot. 550 00:35:07,180 --> 00:35:08,180 Oh, cat. 551 00:35:10,560 --> 00:35:11,660 Mr. Spencer. 552 00:35:14,260 --> 00:35:18,420 Can't you do something about that door? I just need a little adjustment. 553 00:35:18,760 --> 00:35:23,540 Is there anything at all in this house that doesn't either stop, rattle, or 554 00:35:24,270 --> 00:35:26,510 He's not like this on any questions, is he? 555 00:35:28,310 --> 00:35:29,750 Don't forget his sofa. 556 00:35:30,170 --> 00:35:34,790 Oh, I will never forget his sofa. What about my bookshelves? 557 00:35:36,210 --> 00:35:38,430 Oh, at last! 558 00:35:38,690 --> 00:35:40,830 Something I can actually use. 559 00:35:41,330 --> 00:35:43,570 Now, what I'll do is have that book out. 560 00:35:48,710 --> 00:35:52,010 Mr Spencer, it wasn't even straight. 561 00:35:52,880 --> 00:35:53,880 Wouldn't you have measured it? 562 00:35:54,500 --> 00:35:56,720 The cat sucked the numbers off my ruler. 563 00:36:00,060 --> 00:36:02,720 I will not be... Now, that's the spirit. 564 00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:05,200 I will not be deficient. Now, we'll think of something. 565 00:36:05,420 --> 00:36:08,760 Yes, we will. I've got it. Linda, you take the lamp. Linda, you take the lamp. 566 00:36:08,960 --> 00:36:11,840 Neville, far end of the bookshelf. Far end of the bookshelf, Neville. And you 567 00:36:11,840 --> 00:36:14,040 hold that side up, Neville. Hold it up there. 568 00:36:14,280 --> 00:36:18,720 Yasmin, you shoot half the bookshelf, but don't show him. No, no, no. And, 569 00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:20,800 Spencer, you sit over there. You sit there, Betty. 570 00:36:21,140 --> 00:36:22,420 Julian, down by the door. 571 00:36:23,240 --> 00:36:26,180 Julian, down by the door. And, Mr. Spencer, be quiet. 572 00:36:27,120 --> 00:36:28,120 Now, down on the floor. 573 00:36:28,660 --> 00:36:31,000 No, not everybody down on the floor. 574 00:36:31,580 --> 00:36:35,460 Julian, down on the floor and open the door. All right? Now, right. Mr. 575 00:36:35,620 --> 00:36:36,519 I'll try. 576 00:36:36,520 --> 00:36:41,300 And this time, we will do it as much as I don't care if he comes through that 577 00:36:41,300 --> 00:36:45,460 door on all fours. You just keep shooting. All right? Craig Spencer, man 578 00:36:45,460 --> 00:36:46,460 the home, take six. 579 00:36:47,890 --> 00:36:48,890 Mr. Spencer? 580 00:36:49,590 --> 00:36:51,150 Mr. Spencer? He's coming. 581 00:36:52,070 --> 00:36:53,070 Who's coming? 582 00:36:54,390 --> 00:36:55,390 Oh. 583 00:37:35,430 --> 00:37:36,269 How's Mrs. 584 00:37:36,270 --> 00:37:37,770 Hayes? What? 585 00:37:38,110 --> 00:37:40,630 I was just inquiring about your good lady wife. 586 00:37:41,210 --> 00:37:43,090 I hope she's in the best of health. 587 00:37:44,430 --> 00:37:47,030 I expect she'll be glad to see you safely home again. 588 00:37:47,410 --> 00:37:49,770 I shall be glad to see me safely home again. 589 00:37:50,710 --> 00:37:51,710 Is this your car? 590 00:37:52,810 --> 00:37:55,010 Excuse me, Mr. Hayes. 591 00:37:55,650 --> 00:37:56,870 Haven't we forgotten something? 592 00:37:57,470 --> 00:37:59,090 You did remember to bring your car. 593 00:38:00,350 --> 00:38:01,530 No. What? 594 00:38:02,000 --> 00:38:03,000 Now, that's not what I meant. 595 00:38:03,780 --> 00:38:09,620 Do you have, perchance, any little defect or some little thing that's been 596 00:38:09,620 --> 00:38:10,680 giving you a bit of trouble? 597 00:38:10,940 --> 00:38:12,160 Of course I don't. 598 00:38:12,620 --> 00:38:14,380 Now, that's what you're meant to ask me. 599 00:38:14,700 --> 00:38:16,320 I know what I'm supposed to ask you. 600 00:38:17,320 --> 00:38:19,340 Do you have any physical disabilities? 601 00:38:20,200 --> 00:38:21,200 No. 602 00:38:22,020 --> 00:38:24,620 Just the same I was the last time I drove you. 603 00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:27,200 I thought the end result would be a little different. 604 00:38:29,180 --> 00:38:31,320 Now, can you read the number plate on that car? 605 00:38:31,880 --> 00:38:35,780 Do you mean the little red one or the big rusty one? 606 00:38:36,340 --> 00:38:37,780 The little red one. 607 00:38:38,100 --> 00:38:40,100 The big rusty one's mine. 608 00:38:45,840 --> 00:38:50,260 J -D -L 609 00:38:50,260 --> 00:38:56,920 -4 -7 -8 -J 610 00:38:56,920 --> 00:38:58,900 for Jessica. 611 00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:03,600 So far, so good. 612 00:39:04,740 --> 00:39:05,740 Excuse me. 613 00:39:06,580 --> 00:39:09,380 May I ask, is this your last run? 614 00:39:09,600 --> 00:39:11,100 I sincerely hope not. 615 00:39:12,420 --> 00:39:15,120 I meant, am I the last one today? 616 00:39:15,540 --> 00:39:18,300 Yes, yes, and we don't have a great deal of time, so can we get on? 617 00:39:19,280 --> 00:39:22,840 Well, let's hope it's tenth time lucky. 618 00:39:25,760 --> 00:39:28,640 Now, I'd like you to go a little faster, please. 619 00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:32,160 I thought you told me to slow down. 620 00:39:32,360 --> 00:39:33,880 I'll tell you when to slow down. 621 00:39:34,940 --> 00:39:36,720 Not too much, I said a little faster. 622 00:39:40,600 --> 00:39:42,460 Do you always sweat when you're nervous? 623 00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:46,880 No, I want you to take the next turning we come to, please. 624 00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:49,300 Right, right. Mirror, signal, manoeuvre. 625 00:39:49,620 --> 00:39:51,520 Well, does the lorry come up behind you? 626 00:39:52,520 --> 00:39:53,880 Well, I'll increase my speed. 627 00:39:54,100 --> 00:39:55,140 There's no need for that. 628 00:39:55,400 --> 00:39:57,740 Just be indescribable. Make your intentions clear. 629 00:39:58,170 --> 00:40:00,350 Your instructor told you that, didn't he? Yes, he did. 630 00:40:01,150 --> 00:40:07,230 He also told me that an angry motorist is a bad motorist, but a happy motorist 631 00:40:07,230 --> 00:40:09,010 is a good motorist. Did he indeed? 632 00:40:09,410 --> 00:40:11,250 Yes. Mr. Spencer, you're still going too fast. 633 00:40:12,050 --> 00:40:16,390 You're still going much too fast, Mr. Spencer. Mr. Spencer, will you slow 634 00:40:16,490 --> 00:40:17,670 Use your gears. Change down. 635 00:40:17,970 --> 00:40:18,970 One minute. 636 00:40:19,630 --> 00:40:21,170 Signal. Yes, gears. 637 00:40:21,650 --> 00:40:22,870 Gears. Hands on the wheel! 638 00:40:29,480 --> 00:40:30,720 Keep going, keep going. 639 00:40:31,780 --> 00:40:32,940 You were shouting. 640 00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:36,920 Oh, my God, look out! 641 00:40:38,960 --> 00:40:45,960 Of course, this seems 642 00:40:45,960 --> 00:40:46,960 a bit early. 643 00:40:47,460 --> 00:40:48,940 Must be a new driver. 644 00:40:53,580 --> 00:40:57,100 Mr Hayes? Mr Hayes, are you all right? 645 00:40:59,470 --> 00:41:00,470 Mr. Hayes? 646 00:41:02,830 --> 00:41:04,390 What is it, Mr. Hayes? 647 00:41:08,210 --> 00:41:09,430 Speak to me, Mr. 648 00:41:09,690 --> 00:41:10,690 Hayes! 649 00:41:12,610 --> 00:41:13,610 Stop! 650 00:41:16,370 --> 00:41:20,990 You only had to say. 651 00:41:22,790 --> 00:41:24,650 Can I get my handkerchief out now? 652 00:41:27,509 --> 00:41:28,910 Would you like your handkerchief? 653 00:41:31,110 --> 00:41:34,110 I was quite worried there for a minute. 654 00:41:36,070 --> 00:41:39,650 We'll stay here for a while and then you'll feel a bit better. I want to get 655 00:41:39,650 --> 00:41:40,650 out. 656 00:41:41,950 --> 00:41:43,170 Do you think you should? 657 00:41:44,210 --> 00:41:45,210 I must get out. 658 00:41:47,410 --> 00:41:48,630 I think I'm going to be sick. 659 00:42:00,010 --> 00:42:01,010 in the highway code. 660 00:42:01,930 --> 00:42:02,930 What? 661 00:42:03,910 --> 00:42:05,070 Tall, short road. 662 00:42:07,230 --> 00:42:13,690 I think that fresh air did you a bit of good, Mr Hayes. 663 00:42:13,990 --> 00:42:15,370 You're looking a lot better now. 664 00:42:16,450 --> 00:42:17,630 Not quite so green. 665 00:42:22,170 --> 00:42:23,850 Where are you going? I didn't say turn left. 666 00:42:24,110 --> 00:42:27,430 You said you wanted to get back to the driving centre as soon as possible. I'm 667 00:42:27,430 --> 00:42:28,430 taking a shortcut. 668 00:42:28,810 --> 00:42:31,550 Come on, don't... Turn down here, this just goes to the sea. 669 00:42:31,870 --> 00:42:33,730 No, it's all right, because I can go round the corner. 670 00:42:35,310 --> 00:42:40,590 My mother used to take me to the seaside, because my Uncle Adrian used to 671 00:42:40,590 --> 00:42:45,110 Punch and Judy show, and she used to help him. She played Punch and he played 672 00:42:45,110 --> 00:42:46,110 Judy. 673 00:42:47,150 --> 00:42:49,210 They used to let me do the voices sometimes. 674 00:42:51,130 --> 00:42:52,810 Hello, Mr Punch, I'm the crocodile. 675 00:42:53,030 --> 00:42:54,030 Snap, snap, snap. 676 00:42:54,710 --> 00:42:56,550 Will you pay attention? 677 00:42:57,230 --> 00:42:58,470 You don't have to shout. 678 00:42:59,950 --> 00:43:00,950 Just tell me what to do. 53306

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