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If I have to work with that man for one
more second, I will not be responsible
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for my actions. I will not be
responsible.
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I'll have it, Mrs. Perkins. I'll stick
my boot right up his... 25 years I've
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00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:31,800
worked for your grotto.
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5 years as a fairy.
6
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6 years as a pixie.
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And 14 years as Father Christmas.
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I've worked my fingers to the bone for
this store.
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And I expect some consideration. I
demand some consideration. I asked for a
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00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:47,820
trained, capable, competent pixie. And
what do I get?
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00:00:49,340 --> 00:00:52,160
Incapable, incompetent, hand -fisted,
brainless little butt.
12
00:00:53,540 --> 00:00:55,760
Text here I've ever seen in my entire
life.
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00:01:07,300 --> 00:01:12,380
And keep away from my sack.
14
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I wouldn't dream of touching your sack.
15
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I had no intentions of touching your
sack.
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00:01:18,230 --> 00:01:19,048
Fair enough.
17
00:01:19,050 --> 00:01:20,510
You just take one step.
18
00:01:20,910 --> 00:01:21,950
Gentlemen, please.
19
00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:25,710
Surely you can work together without all
this acrimony.
20
00:01:26,090 --> 00:01:30,750
Mrs. Perkins, there are some pixies you
just can't work with. There are some
21
00:01:30,750 --> 00:01:32,730
pixies no one can work with.
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00:01:33,250 --> 00:01:35,210
I didn't have to be a pixie, you know.
23
00:01:35,750 --> 00:01:37,450
This isn't my normal occupation.
24
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I know quite. I've got a lot of other
strings to my bow.
25
00:01:41,930 --> 00:01:43,910
Strings that people wouldn't even know
about.
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00:01:44,570 --> 00:01:50,730
Mr. Spencer, you are the chief pixie.
Mrs. Perkins, I am the only pixie.
27
00:01:52,450 --> 00:01:55,350
And about as much help as a three
-legged reindeer.
28
00:01:56,530 --> 00:02:01,710
Mr. Spencer, you must understand that
although you are the chief of the
29
00:02:01,770 --> 00:02:04,590
Father Crispus is in charge of our fairy
grotto.
30
00:02:04,830 --> 00:02:06,150
He is your chief.
31
00:02:06,370 --> 00:02:07,830
That's the trouble with that grotto.
32
00:02:08,350 --> 00:02:11,030
There's too many chiefs and not enough
pixies.
33
00:02:11,350 --> 00:02:13,030
I'm doing all the pixying myself.
34
00:02:14,110 --> 00:02:17,970
Well, it's very difficult to get the
staff. There's plenty of staff in there.
35
00:02:18,410 --> 00:02:20,870
There's two gnomes sitting doing
absolutely nothing.
36
00:02:21,630 --> 00:02:24,030
I know one's got his little fishing rod
out.
37
00:02:24,630 --> 00:02:26,430
Just sitting on the hump, that's all.
38
00:02:27,210 --> 00:02:28,990
That's all he's supposed to do.
39
00:02:29,450 --> 00:02:30,690
Gnomes don't do things.
40
00:02:30,910 --> 00:02:31,930
Pixies do things.
41
00:02:32,350 --> 00:02:33,390
Gnomes are just decoration.
42
00:02:33,730 --> 00:02:35,550
They're just there to make a pretty
sight.
43
00:02:36,220 --> 00:02:37,840
But why can't I just sit there?
44
00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:40,880
Because you are not a pretty sight.
45
00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:45,660
Mr. Wheeler, this really isn't helping
us to get on with our work.
46
00:02:45,900 --> 00:02:48,780
Can I sit under the tree like the fairy?
47
00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:52,160
You keep away from that little fairy.
That fairy is a broken woman.
48
00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:55,380
Little fairy, have you seen a 14 stone
if she's a day?
49
00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:59,120
She's already pulled one of her wings
off. He's vicious, Mrs. Perkins. A
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00:02:59,220 --> 00:03:02,820
vicious, sadistic little pixie. I had
to. She was sitting on my magic flute.
51
00:03:04,940 --> 00:03:06,780
You had no business to let us sit on it.
52
00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:10,500
A pixie's magic flute should be where a
pixie's magic flute belongs.
53
00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:12,720
Round a pixie's neck.
54
00:03:13,500 --> 00:03:15,100
I had to cut it off.
55
00:03:16,060 --> 00:03:17,620
It was stopping my circulation.
56
00:03:18,920 --> 00:03:20,080
I'm a married man.
57
00:03:21,140 --> 00:03:24,260
And this costume leaves a lot to be
desired, I must say.
58
00:03:24,540 --> 00:03:26,080
I can hardly cock a leg.
59
00:03:29,060 --> 00:03:30,920
Don't you kung fu your leg a move.
60
00:03:31,840 --> 00:03:34,200
It's a good job you were standing there,
Mrs Perkins.
61
00:03:34,830 --> 00:03:35,890
I was trained by a monk.
62
00:03:37,310 --> 00:03:42,110
Mr. Spencer, I'm sorry about your
costume, but you'll just have to manage
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00:03:42,110 --> 00:03:43,110
best you can.
64
00:03:43,290 --> 00:03:46,410
I admit that it was originally designed
for a female.
65
00:03:46,790 --> 00:03:48,770
Oh, well, that explains a great deal.
66
00:03:49,790 --> 00:03:55,050
That is an authentic pixie costume,
handed down from pixie to pixie. Little
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00:03:55,050 --> 00:03:56,890
pixie to little pixie may be.
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00:03:57,190 --> 00:04:00,890
Little pixies with little legs and
little developments.
69
00:04:03,310 --> 00:04:04,670
Oh, shut your mouth!
70
00:04:05,970 --> 00:04:10,270
When I was a little boy, Father
Christmas was fat and jolly.
71
00:04:10,570 --> 00:04:14,390
Always had a happy smile, a little quip
and a merry gesture.
72
00:04:15,270 --> 00:04:17,050
Oh, that's a nice merry gesture.
73
00:04:18,490 --> 00:04:23,430
I was nearly physically attacked there.
No -one is going to attack you if you'll
74
00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:29,950
both just calm down or... Mr Spencer,
this is my side of the desk.
75
00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:33,080
And now, all this arguing is getting us
nowhere.
76
00:04:33,460 --> 00:04:36,820
I'm a perfectly competent pixie. Oh, no,
you're not.
77
00:04:37,280 --> 00:04:40,780
I asked him to take the children to the
magic wishing well, and they all
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00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:42,720
finished up in the saloon bar of the Red
Lion.
79
00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:48,960
That's only because one of the little
boys wanted to do a Tommy Tinkle.
80
00:04:49,300 --> 00:04:55,580
And if the little devils don't like
their presence,
81
00:04:55,940 --> 00:04:57,780
he gives them their money back.
82
00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:02,000
What? Well, they kept shouting at me and
harassing me.
83
00:05:02,280 --> 00:05:03,820
Well, you should have stood up to them.
84
00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:07,880
The last cheap pixie I had could have
cleared that grotto in five minutes
85
00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:11,900
He was a proper pixie. I'm a proper
pixie. And he can sing and dance and do
86
00:05:11,900 --> 00:05:14,700
funny things. I can sing and dance and
do funny things.
87
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,600
The sun has got his eyes.
88
00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:24,680
You see what I mean?
89
00:05:25,660 --> 00:05:29,800
Mr Wheeler, I think we should try and be
a little more charitable.
90
00:05:30,280 --> 00:05:32,380
Mr Spencer's doing his best.
91
00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:36,920
If I can give him one more chance,
surely you can. Oh, no, I... That is my
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00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:37,920
decision.
93
00:05:39,420 --> 00:05:40,420
Right.
94
00:05:41,020 --> 00:05:44,740
One more chance, Mrs Perkins said, and
that's what you're going to get.
95
00:05:45,140 --> 00:05:49,380
Because if you make one more mistake,
you'll be down that labour exchange so
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00:05:49,380 --> 00:05:51,700
fast your little pixie boots won't touch
the ground.
97
00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:53,480
Now, come on!
98
00:05:59,210 --> 00:06:01,530
I do, don't you? Because I gave you your
instructions this morning. Yes, I did.
99
00:06:01,610 --> 00:06:03,410
Unless you've forgotten them already.
No, I haven't.
100
00:06:03,830 --> 00:06:04,830
Right.
101
00:06:07,370 --> 00:06:10,070
Now, pixie bugle, which you will blow.
102
00:06:11,450 --> 00:06:13,450
Not now, when I tell you.
103
00:06:14,430 --> 00:06:16,970
Right. Now, stand by your tree.
104
00:06:18,050 --> 00:06:19,050
Open your tree.
105
00:06:21,190 --> 00:06:22,190
What do you do?
106
00:06:22,790 --> 00:06:24,770
I put my left hand in.
107
00:06:24,990 --> 00:06:26,850
I put my right hand in.
108
00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:29,600
My mother used to sing that.
109
00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:31,900
Never mind your mother.
110
00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:35,060
You do the hokey -cokey and you shake it
all about.
111
00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:38,460
I'll shake you all about in a minute.
And what do you do next?
112
00:06:38,900 --> 00:06:41,080
You put your left leg in.
113
00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:42,340
With your lever.
114
00:06:43,020 --> 00:06:45,720
I pull my lever with my left hand.
115
00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:49,920
Until you are safely in position.
116
00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:55,260
Right? Yes. Then I will press the button
with my right hand.
117
00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:57,740
Oh, there's a worm.
118
00:07:00,110 --> 00:07:01,069
Mind your worm.
119
00:07:01,070 --> 00:07:02,630
What do you do with your second button?
120
00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:07,310
That will be thumb -pressed after I have
pressed my first button and my second
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00:07:07,310 --> 00:07:08,670
lever. Simultaneously?
122
00:07:08,950 --> 00:07:09,950
And both together.
123
00:07:11,170 --> 00:07:12,390
Any case of emergency?
124
00:07:13,010 --> 00:07:15,610
I will drop everything. You will not
drop everything!
125
00:07:15,950 --> 00:07:16,950
I'll rephrase that.
126
00:07:17,570 --> 00:07:19,090
I will not drop everything.
127
00:07:19,530 --> 00:07:24,170
I will release my second button after
pressing my first button and pulling my
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00:07:24,170 --> 00:07:26,550
lever. Then I will take my handle.
129
00:07:27,590 --> 00:07:28,590
Wow.
130
00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:30,720
That should be simple enough even for
you.
131
00:07:31,120 --> 00:07:36,440
Oh, it's a little more complicated than
my sandbag flying device, currently
132
00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:39,900
being used by nativity angels of the
Methodist denomination.
133
00:07:41,140 --> 00:07:43,440
But it doesn't... It seems quite
straightforward.
134
00:07:44,500 --> 00:07:48,620
It better be straightforward, because I
shall be watching you from up above.
135
00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:51,920
And if anything falls on you, it won't
be a Methodist angel.
136
00:08:00,170 --> 00:08:02,010
Hello, children. Hello, children.
137
00:08:02,330 --> 00:08:07,710
This is your chief pixie talking to you.
I am your chief of the pixies.
138
00:08:09,950 --> 00:08:16,230
Now, we're all here to see Father
Christmas, aren't we? And Father
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00:08:16,230 --> 00:08:21,550
coming from Toyland with lots of nice
things in his flying saucer.
140
00:08:22,550 --> 00:08:26,990
And he's going to come down and give us
all presents.
141
00:08:32,809 --> 00:08:33,809
not person.
142
00:08:34,470 --> 00:08:36,530
It was you. Give me that up here
immediately.
143
00:08:37,030 --> 00:08:38,030
Who do you think you are?
144
00:08:38,190 --> 00:08:39,190
Spider legs.
145
00:08:40,570 --> 00:08:41,770
Spider legs indeed.
146
00:08:42,630 --> 00:08:43,830
Stop looking up there.
147
00:08:45,730 --> 00:08:47,230
I'm the chief of the pixie.
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00:08:47,470 --> 00:08:51,830
I'm the friend of all the little boys
and girls. Oh, no, you're not. You're a
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00:08:51,830 --> 00:08:52,830
puff.
150
00:08:56,430 --> 00:08:59,130
I beg your pardon. Block your ears.
151
00:09:00,550 --> 00:09:01,990
I'll remember your face.
152
00:09:02,650 --> 00:09:04,990
You needn't bother cleaning your chimney
this Christmas.
153
00:09:05,410 --> 00:09:06,830
Get on with it.
154
00:09:07,250 --> 00:09:11,210
Right. I will blow my bugle one more
time.
155
00:09:11,470 --> 00:09:14,390
No, you won't. You'll pull your lever
now.
156
00:09:14,930 --> 00:09:16,650
All right, well, stop shouting at me.
157
00:09:17,670 --> 00:09:18,670
Here I go.
158
00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:05,240
describe me?
159
00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:12,480
Well, I'm trying to find myself another
job, so I thought I'd try advertising.
160
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:15,600
You don't know the first thing about
advertising.
161
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:20,360
I meant advertising myself in the paper
shop window.
162
00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:22,780
Do you need a man?
163
00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:26,860
If so, contact F .W. Spencer.
164
00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:29,940
Well, you can't put that in the shop
window.
165
00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:31,960
No, just write
166
00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:38,480
I like that, I like that.
167
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:41,260
No, no cross -out qualified.
168
00:10:41,660 --> 00:10:44,460
They might expect you to do something
complicated.
169
00:10:45,560 --> 00:10:47,320
What do you mean? What about my lamp?
170
00:10:50,380 --> 00:10:51,380
I'll tell you.
171
00:10:52,620 --> 00:10:55,480
I've got it. I am willing to offer my
services.
172
00:10:56,920 --> 00:10:57,920
No.
173
00:10:58,900 --> 00:10:59,900
No.
174
00:11:00,880 --> 00:11:03,080
No, one of them funny ones might read
that.
175
00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:13,860
Experience driver.
176
00:11:14,660 --> 00:11:19,700
Distance, no object. Oh, be serious,
Frank. I am experienced. My car's a
177
00:11:19,700 --> 00:11:21,260
familiar sight in Dockyard Lane.
178
00:11:22,180 --> 00:11:25,540
When you're driving it, it's the only
car in Dockyard Lane.
179
00:11:26,380 --> 00:11:30,540
No, cross out experience driver. Now,
what have you got left?
180
00:11:33,980 --> 00:11:35,300
I am a man.
181
00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:41,260
Distance, no object.
182
00:11:50,570 --> 00:11:55,170
Mr. Rogers hasn't worked for six months.
Mr. Rogers is 86 years old.
183
00:11:56,850 --> 00:12:02,130
Nobody likes to keep active, though,
doesn't he? And he's got all his
184
00:12:02,310 --> 00:12:04,190
I've got all my faculties.
185
00:12:04,610 --> 00:12:06,030
Young ones, all real.
186
00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:22,800
Oh, that's nice.
187
00:12:23,100 --> 00:12:25,040
Yes, but somebody's already won that.
188
00:12:25,900 --> 00:12:28,580
Mind you, I could get the lawnmower.
189
00:12:29,220 --> 00:12:32,560
Oh, I need money, Betty. I've got to win
some money.
190
00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:35,640
Have you seen this telephone bill? It's
astronomical.
191
00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:39,200
You've been calling your father again,
haven't you?
192
00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:41,900
No. Well, your mother has, hasn't she?
193
00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:43,980
Yeah, I can see it in your eye.
194
00:12:44,700 --> 00:12:48,360
Look, do you want her to pay for the
call, is that it? No, no, no.
195
00:12:48,820 --> 00:12:50,860
It's just that we've got to economise.
196
00:12:51,310 --> 00:12:53,690
The whole country's facing a big slump.
197
00:12:54,370 --> 00:12:56,710
And we're slumping quicker than anybody
else.
198
00:12:58,470 --> 00:13:02,930
It's just as bad for me. I mean, I don't
enjoy seeing you worried. I'm doing the
199
00:13:02,930 --> 00:13:05,150
best I can to save money. No, no, I
didn't mean that, Betty.
200
00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:06,910
Please, Betty.
201
00:13:08,050 --> 00:13:09,050
Don't make me run.
202
00:13:10,730 --> 00:13:12,110
It gives me the cramps.
203
00:13:12,930 --> 00:13:15,890
Look, I'll tell you what we'll do. After
Christmas...
204
00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:19,040
I'll take you up to Scotland and we'll
have a nice holiday.
205
00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:21,480
I'll show you where me mother bought her
kilt.
206
00:13:23,300 --> 00:13:28,800
I don't want a holiday, Frank. All I
want is for you to cheer up.
207
00:13:29,020 --> 00:13:31,220
I mean, things aren't that bad.
208
00:13:31,580 --> 00:13:36,220
No. No, I know you've lost your job and
we haven't got any money.
209
00:13:37,220 --> 00:13:39,160
We can't afford to go anywhere.
210
00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:42,480
Please,
211
00:13:43,300 --> 00:13:44,300
Betty, don't cry.
212
00:13:46,030 --> 00:13:47,190
I like seeing you cry.
213
00:13:47,550 --> 00:13:51,650
No. It was a lovely thought of you to
try and win me a lawnmower.
214
00:13:52,510 --> 00:13:54,170
It's something I've always wanted.
215
00:13:54,590 --> 00:13:56,290
But we haven't got any grass.
216
00:13:58,270 --> 00:13:59,630
I'll grow some, Betty.
217
00:14:00,230 --> 00:14:01,230
I'll grow some.
218
00:14:01,710 --> 00:14:06,410
Now, don't cry. Oh, I can't help it.
Listen, you know what we used to do when
219
00:14:06,410 --> 00:14:08,090
you got upset when we were courting?
220
00:14:08,450 --> 00:14:10,130
You remember what I used to do?
221
00:14:10,730 --> 00:14:12,870
Yes, you do. I can see it in your eyes.
222
00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:22,520
now Frank I used to go and turn the
television off and then I'd creep
223
00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:28,380
over to you and I'd sit down next to you
put my arm round you and I'd blow in
224
00:14:28,380 --> 00:14:33,540
your ear and then I'd say was that funny
smell
225
00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:44,580
Oh, it's no wonder she's losing weight.
226
00:14:45,780 --> 00:14:50,480
No, look, Frank, you must go and keep
yourself occupied while you're out of
227
00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:52,920
work. I mean, couldn't you find yourself
a little hobby?
228
00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:57,660
I've got my do -it -yourself handyman
kit. No, I mean something useful.
229
00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:00,840
Useful? Did I hear correctly?
230
00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:03,820
Who made the front door, may I ask?
231
00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:05,080
And the bell?
232
00:15:05,820 --> 00:15:09,000
Which is still going strong, if my ears
don't deceive me.
233
00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:11,580
And I'm in the middle of re -springing.
234
00:15:13,130 --> 00:15:14,850
You can't buy those in the shop.
235
00:15:16,990 --> 00:15:17,990
Beautiful indeed.
236
00:15:20,250 --> 00:15:23,670
I'd like to know what this house would
be like if it wasn't for my box of
237
00:15:24,510 --> 00:15:28,030
Frank, the letter for you. Mrs Baker's
just brought it round.
238
00:15:28,450 --> 00:15:29,510
Why did she have it?
239
00:15:29,890 --> 00:15:32,070
The postman gave it to her this
afternoon.
240
00:15:32,450 --> 00:15:34,730
That's the third time this week. Why
doesn't he bring them here?
241
00:15:35,270 --> 00:15:36,930
Because we haven't got a letter box.
242
00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:42,000
I can't do everything at once. I'll get
round to it.
243
00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:45,300
Well, you should have thought of it when
you made the front door.
244
00:15:45,540 --> 00:15:46,479
I did.
245
00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:48,200
Jessica did a dribble on the blueprint.
246
00:15:49,540 --> 00:15:53,600
Look, I know you think I'm always
criticising, but it's not as though I'm
247
00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:54,600
for a lot.
248
00:15:54,740 --> 00:15:59,860
I mean, I've never wanted a fur coat or
a deep freeze or anything like that.
249
00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:02,320
All I want is a letterbox.
250
00:16:05,380 --> 00:16:06,380
Betty?
251
00:16:11,370 --> 00:16:12,730
I got a letter, Betty.
252
00:16:14,210 --> 00:16:16,130
Yes. From the BBC.
253
00:16:18,610 --> 00:16:19,970
I'm excited, Betty.
254
00:16:21,790 --> 00:16:23,970
Oh, don't get excited.
255
00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:27,130
No, you know what happens when you get
excited.
256
00:16:28,930 --> 00:16:32,590
Now, pull yourself together, friend.
Pull yourself together. Keep a clear
257
00:16:32,830 --> 00:16:34,410
Now, tell me, what does it say?
258
00:16:34,850 --> 00:16:35,850
You remember.
259
00:16:36,110 --> 00:16:38,350
You remember when we had a television
set.
260
00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:41,040
before you tried to mend it.
261
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:47,120
And you remember that the BBC wanted
entries for that do -it -yourself
262
00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:48,340
man about the Home Award?
263
00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:53,720
Yes. Well, Mr Skinner from the do -it
-yourself shop sent my name in.
264
00:16:54,020 --> 00:16:55,020
He what?
265
00:16:55,780 --> 00:16:57,220
I'm his best customer.
266
00:16:58,820 --> 00:17:01,160
Has he actually ever seen anything
you've made?
267
00:17:01,580 --> 00:17:03,880
No, no, but I've told him all about it
all.
268
00:17:04,740 --> 00:17:08,579
And now the BBC have written to me,
Betty. I've been chosen.
269
00:17:09,150 --> 00:17:10,150
I'm a candidate.
270
00:17:10,950 --> 00:17:14,190
The television people want to come here.
271
00:17:14,609 --> 00:17:15,630
Come here?
272
00:17:16,550 --> 00:17:18,290
And see all my work.
273
00:17:26,349 --> 00:17:28,470
I think I'll make a cup of tea.
274
00:17:29,770 --> 00:17:33,030
Oh, Betty, I think this calls for
something a little stronger than tea.
275
00:17:33,610 --> 00:17:35,830
I think we could open a bottle of the
64.
276
00:17:36,570 --> 00:17:37,630
The 64?
277
00:17:38,120 --> 00:17:39,400
My mother's homemade wine.
278
00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:44,920
Oh, Betty, I've never been chosen to do
anything before.
279
00:17:45,420 --> 00:17:46,480
Rhubarb or prunes?
280
00:17:47,180 --> 00:17:48,180
Rhubarb.
281
00:17:48,660 --> 00:17:50,560
It's a very bad year for prunes.
282
00:17:51,460 --> 00:17:53,680
Well, it wasn't this colour last year.
283
00:17:54,060 --> 00:17:58,020
No, but all the goodness has gone to the
bottom. No, no, no, don't do that,
284
00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:01,080
Frank. You know what happened last time.
All right, well, put it back in there.
285
00:18:01,140 --> 00:18:02,180
Let it simmer down a bit.
286
00:18:02,730 --> 00:18:06,310
Now, I must get everything organised. I
want everything to be ship -shaped when
287
00:18:06,310 --> 00:18:08,250
they arrive. But what about my
letterbox?
288
00:18:08,570 --> 00:18:13,050
I shall make the letterbox and my
respringing of the upholstery my first
289
00:18:13,050 --> 00:18:14,050
priority.
290
00:18:42,090 --> 00:18:46,350
Just think, if I'm successful, I could
be in the Radio Times.
291
00:18:47,490 --> 00:18:49,050
F .W. Spencer.
292
00:18:50,430 --> 00:18:55,790
Exhibition of front doors, lampshades
and resprung sofas.
293
00:18:56,370 --> 00:18:57,590
When are they coming?
294
00:18:58,050 --> 00:19:00,030
They said, that's up to me.
295
00:19:00,250 --> 00:19:02,530
They'll come any time I'm not at work.
296
00:19:05,770 --> 00:19:07,490
Any time, really, can't they?
297
00:19:07,890 --> 00:19:09,370
Because I'm hardly ever...
298
00:19:09,790 --> 00:19:10,790
I'm always here.
299
00:19:12,130 --> 00:19:15,510
Except on Wednesdays when I got my
driving lesson with Mr. Finney.
300
00:19:16,030 --> 00:19:19,670
Won't take long. I mean, last time you
were home again in 20 minutes.
301
00:19:20,170 --> 00:19:21,430
It wasn't my fault.
302
00:19:21,650 --> 00:19:23,110
I should have had my full quota.
303
00:19:23,510 --> 00:19:25,130
Did the car break down again?
304
00:19:25,570 --> 00:19:27,670
No. Mr. Finney did.
305
00:19:30,610 --> 00:19:32,910
Why don't you fasten your seatbelt, Mr.
Finney?
306
00:19:33,290 --> 00:19:36,110
It restricts me if I have to take
emergency action.
307
00:19:36,550 --> 00:19:37,690
You mean like...
308
00:19:37,950 --> 00:19:38,950
Jump out.
309
00:19:39,330 --> 00:19:41,330
I mean like if I have to take over the
wheel.
310
00:19:42,810 --> 00:19:44,890
Yes, but you have jumped out before,
haven't you?
311
00:19:45,270 --> 00:19:46,630
On several occasions.
312
00:19:47,790 --> 00:19:49,730
Yes. Yes, yes, I have.
313
00:19:50,210 --> 00:19:51,970
I was a bit scared too.
314
00:19:52,730 --> 00:19:53,990
Well, let's start, shall we?
315
00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:56,490
Right. Now, Mr Spencer, one moment.
316
00:19:57,090 --> 00:20:01,210
Now, before we go out onto the road,
have you remembered what I told you? The
317
00:20:01,210 --> 00:20:02,670
three essentials for safe driving?
318
00:20:03,450 --> 00:20:05,910
Apart, of course, from closing the door
properly.
319
00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:11,200
I'm sorry. Now, three things you have to
remember, Mr Spencer.
320
00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:12,640
Three things, right.
321
00:20:12,980 --> 00:20:16,800
Before you overtake, turn left or turn
right.
322
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:18,000
Yes.
323
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:19,760
Oh, what are they?
324
00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:27,080
How do you expect to pass your test if
you can't even remember a simple
325
00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:29,820
sequence? I can, I can, but you keep
shouting at me.
326
00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:31,670
Mirror! Mirror. Signal.
327
00:20:32,010 --> 00:20:33,010
Signal. Maneuver.
328
00:20:33,190 --> 00:20:35,970
Maneuver. Mirror. Signal. Maneuver.
Mirror. Signal.
329
00:20:36,170 --> 00:20:37,670
Maneuver. Well, think it. Do it.
330
00:20:38,390 --> 00:20:42,490
Hope it. Rise it up on the wall beside
your bed if you have to. I have. I have.
331
00:20:42,550 --> 00:20:43,690
It's all over my ceiling.
332
00:20:45,710 --> 00:20:47,830
All right. Let's calm down, shall we?
333
00:20:48,150 --> 00:20:49,710
Yes. Let's not get excited.
334
00:20:50,050 --> 00:20:51,050
No.
335
00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:53,030
Now, you remember our little saying?
336
00:20:55,910 --> 00:20:58,890
An angry motorist.
337
00:20:59,210 --> 00:21:00,490
is a bad motorist.
338
00:21:01,750 --> 00:21:06,110
An angry motorist is a bad motorist.
339
00:21:07,310 --> 00:21:13,790
But... a happy motorist is a good
motorist. Splendid!
340
00:21:14,110 --> 00:21:19,650
Splendid! Right, well, now, let's start
nicely and... Right.
341
00:21:20,790 --> 00:21:24,550
An angry motorist... Right.
342
00:21:26,110 --> 00:21:28,290
One. Switch on.
343
00:21:30,670 --> 00:21:32,390
Two, select gear.
344
00:21:33,190 --> 00:21:35,550
Three, depress clutch.
345
00:21:36,810 --> 00:21:39,750
Four, indicator to right.
346
00:21:40,990 --> 00:21:43,370
Five, mirror.
347
00:21:43,770 --> 00:21:46,310
Six, move on.
348
00:21:52,150 --> 00:21:55,730
Four, indicator to the right.
349
00:21:56,770 --> 00:21:59,390
Five, check mirror.
350
00:22:00,470 --> 00:22:01,470
Six.
351
00:22:04,330 --> 00:22:05,790
Move the handbrake.
352
00:22:07,030 --> 00:22:08,030
Seven.
353
00:22:08,490 --> 00:22:09,490
Move away.
354
00:22:18,510 --> 00:22:20,670
Keep your eye on the road.
355
00:22:21,570 --> 00:22:23,530
Mr. Finney, have you ever been on
television?
356
00:22:24,030 --> 00:22:25,030
No.
357
00:22:25,430 --> 00:22:26,590
I'm hoping to be.
358
00:22:27,090 --> 00:22:28,130
On the BBC.
359
00:22:29,100 --> 00:22:31,340
If you keep on driving, I guess we'll
both be on the BBC.
360
00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:33,580
On the nine o 'clock news.
361
00:22:35,260 --> 00:22:37,140
You said I was driving much better.
362
00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:40,960
Much better. Could you possibly go just
a little faster?
363
00:22:41,180 --> 00:22:43,640
I don't want to get too close to the car
in front.
364
00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:46,720
Now, Mr Spencer, I can't even see the
car in front.
365
00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:49,060
That's because it just went round the
corner.
366
00:22:49,780 --> 00:22:54,620
I mustn't take any chances. Mr Spencer,
that car is at least 300 yards ahead and
367
00:22:54,620 --> 00:22:57,500
we passed through the built -up area 20
minutes ago.
368
00:22:58,350 --> 00:23:02,050
I think it's reasonably safe for you to
exceed 15 miles an hour.
369
00:23:03,190 --> 00:23:05,270
I'm going much faster than that. Look.
370
00:23:05,610 --> 00:23:08,010
Now, keep your eyes on the road and your
hands on the wheel.
371
00:23:08,450 --> 00:23:12,970
I'm ready for anything. Yes, I'm alert.
372
00:23:14,450 --> 00:23:16,490
And I'm ready for anything, Mr. Finney.
373
00:23:18,210 --> 00:23:19,670
And I'm happy, too.
374
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:28,320
We haven't really practiced any of the
overtaking yet, have we? That's because
375
00:23:28,320 --> 00:23:30,660
you've never driven fast enough to catch
up with anybody.
376
00:23:31,700 --> 00:23:32,699
Now, look.
377
00:23:32,700 --> 00:23:35,120
There's a woman on a bicycle ahead. You
can overtake her.
378
00:23:35,420 --> 00:23:37,160
Can you give a sequence? Mirror, signal?
379
00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:38,880
Maneuver. Mirror, signal, maneuver.
380
00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:40,200
Right. Off you go, then.
381
00:23:40,420 --> 00:23:42,520
Ah, the devil's increasing his speed.
382
00:23:42,780 --> 00:23:45,580
You can overtake a woman on a bicycle.
383
00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:47,240
Put your foot down.
384
00:23:47,500 --> 00:23:49,460
And look behind before you pull out.
385
00:23:53,740 --> 00:23:56,100
Don't shout at me. Well, keep that mind
on the job.
386
00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:57,600
And hit me.
387
00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:03,520
Oh, now you're slowing down again.
388
00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:05,240
I'm not. I'm not.
389
00:24:11,780 --> 00:24:12,780
Don't hug.
390
00:24:16,140 --> 00:24:17,140
Audacity.
391
00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:20,700
Now, keep at this speed.
392
00:24:23,500 --> 00:24:24,960
I feel like Andy Stewart.
393
00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:26,920
Who?
394
00:24:28,060 --> 00:24:29,320
The racing driver.
395
00:24:30,360 --> 00:24:32,500
Andy Stewart wears a kilt.
396
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:36,980
Not when he's driving.
397
00:24:39,420 --> 00:24:40,480
Ah, now then.
398
00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:43,000
I want you to take the next turning on
the left.
399
00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:44,700
Right. Left!
400
00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:46,460
That's what I meant.
401
00:24:46,740 --> 00:24:47,740
Left, right?
402
00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:48,840
Oh...
403
00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:52,300
Just take the next turning that you come
to on the left. Now, I'm going to ask
404
00:24:52,300 --> 00:24:53,780
some questions on the highway code.
405
00:24:54,380 --> 00:24:57,400
Oh, I think we're coming to my weak
spot.
406
00:25:03,500 --> 00:25:06,640
Oh, this is a nice wide road, isn't it?
407
00:25:31,090 --> 00:25:32,009
I'm sorry.
408
00:25:32,010 --> 00:25:33,970
Well, don't you touch anything until I
get in there.
409
00:25:36,290 --> 00:25:38,230
What are you doing? Get back in that
car.
410
00:25:38,870 --> 00:25:41,230
Aren't you getting in? Well, of course
I'm getting in.
411
00:25:41,650 --> 00:25:43,090
Well, I'll get in there with you then.
412
00:26:39,280 --> 00:26:40,099
They look lovely.
413
00:26:40,100 --> 00:26:41,900
Thank you, Frank, and so do you.
414
00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:43,240
Here, Betty.
415
00:26:43,980 --> 00:26:46,200
Do you think I should grow a moustache?
416
00:26:47,120 --> 00:26:50,440
Well, you haven't got time to grow one
now, Frank. They'll be here in five
417
00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:52,320
minutes. I didn't mean now, Betty.
418
00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:54,440
I meant for future use.
419
00:26:54,820 --> 00:26:56,420
It might improve my image.
420
00:26:56,920 --> 00:27:00,440
Just think, after today, we're going to
be known by millions of people. We're
421
00:27:00,440 --> 00:27:01,920
going to be seen all over the country.
422
00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:05,600
I think my father used to have a
moustache.
423
00:27:06,250 --> 00:27:08,790
Because he was always very spiky when he
picked me up.
424
00:27:09,650 --> 00:27:13,870
I'm so nervous, Frank. There's no need
to be. There's no need. Well, you're
425
00:27:13,870 --> 00:27:15,970
worried. You're perspiring.
426
00:27:16,310 --> 00:27:18,030
No, no. That's my aftershave.
427
00:27:19,270 --> 00:27:20,570
No, perhaps not, eh?
428
00:27:21,070 --> 00:27:22,470
It might be a ginger one.
429
00:27:23,730 --> 00:27:24,730
It's thanks.
430
00:27:26,650 --> 00:27:27,650
Don't panic.
431
00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:42,520
Come in here.
432
00:27:42,820 --> 00:27:45,780
I'm sorry I'm a bit late. There was a
bit of confusion. I was told by a
433
00:27:45,780 --> 00:27:47,320
neighbour that it was a house with a
green gate.
434
00:27:47,540 --> 00:27:50,820
Oh, well, yes, it used to be green. Oh,
yeah, but I've been doing a bit of
435
00:27:50,820 --> 00:27:53,960
painting. Oh, do you really? Well, I
must say, it all looks very good.
436
00:27:55,700 --> 00:27:57,540
I'll take your coat for you, Mr Jacobs.
437
00:27:58,480 --> 00:28:01,460
Is it all right if I get everybody to
come in now? Oh, yes, please. All in
438
00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:04,160
Come on, that's Neville. How are you
doing, Neville?
439
00:28:06,900 --> 00:28:08,620
And that's Linda who does the makeup.
440
00:28:09,940 --> 00:28:10,940
Well,
441
00:28:11,700 --> 00:28:14,780
Mrs. Spencer, as you know, you've been
chosen for our Man About the Home Award.
442
00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:18,920
What we're going to do is we're going to
do some filming.
443
00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:21,640
We've got the crew along, and what they
do is...
444
00:28:29,550 --> 00:28:32,770
What we really want to do is to see some
of the work that you've done. Over
445
00:28:32,770 --> 00:28:33,790
there, will you, President?
446
00:28:37,350 --> 00:28:38,790
You've got a funny walker there.
447
00:28:40,290 --> 00:28:42,250
He's actually got quite a lot of heavy
equipment.
448
00:28:44,070 --> 00:28:48,290
Mr. Spencer, what we'd really like to do
is perhaps see some film of the work
449
00:28:48,290 --> 00:28:49,029
that you've done.
450
00:28:49,030 --> 00:28:52,470
Yes. And a tour of the house. Oh, yes, I
have often.
451
00:28:53,570 --> 00:28:54,570
No,
452
00:28:54,950 --> 00:28:58,870
well, you'll want to do it as well,
certainly. Mr. Spencer, are you...
453
00:28:59,280 --> 00:29:02,840
all right? You look a little... No, no,
I've just got very damp skin.
454
00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:05,240
It's spreading.
455
00:29:05,260 --> 00:29:06,119
I see.
456
00:29:06,120 --> 00:29:07,660
Have we got any turt?
457
00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:09,160
Turt? Oh, furt.
458
00:29:10,100 --> 00:29:14,440
She's had a bit of trouble. Oh, I... So,
so. Who has? Jessica.
459
00:29:15,300 --> 00:29:16,300
Much better now.
460
00:29:16,740 --> 00:29:18,700
All over the kitchen, under the sink.
461
00:29:19,140 --> 00:29:21,720
Mrs. Spencer, would you mind, because we
want to get this picked up, would you
462
00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:23,820
come and sit with me over here? Sit down
there.
463
00:29:30,540 --> 00:29:32,200
Mr. Spencer might actually need
something.
464
00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:33,800
Thank you, Neville.
465
00:29:33,820 --> 00:29:36,940
No, no, no, no, no. You just kissed him.
You wiped my aftershave off.
466
00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:40,480
Don't worry, Mr. Spencer. Just relax.
What are you doing to me?
467
00:29:40,980 --> 00:29:43,880
Just giving you a microphone. Don't put
your face close to me.
468
00:29:45,740 --> 00:29:48,600
All right. I'll touch my wife's
personal, didn't you?
469
00:29:48,920 --> 00:29:51,660
Mr. Spencer, don't worry about it.
Relax.
470
00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:55,400
Relax and ignore the camera. And if it's
all right with you, we'll start with
471
00:29:55,400 --> 00:29:56,400
Mr. Spencer first.
472
00:29:56,560 --> 00:29:57,640
Hello? Oh!
473
00:30:04,040 --> 00:30:04,919
I'm sorry.
474
00:30:04,920 --> 00:30:06,340
Right. All right, Desmond?
475
00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:09,540
Frank Spencer, man about the home, take
one.
476
00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:16,440
You nearly had my nose off then.
477
00:30:17,780 --> 00:30:20,640
Desmond. He's a bit fast with his
clapper, isn't he?
478
00:30:21,500 --> 00:30:22,680
If Spencer knows.
479
00:30:23,840 --> 00:30:27,180
Shall we try again, Desmond? Lovely.
Thank you. Frank Spencer, man about the
480
00:30:27,180 --> 00:30:28,180
home, take two.
481
00:30:29,260 --> 00:30:30,260
Mrs. Spencer.
482
00:30:34,439 --> 00:30:36,600
Desmond. He's very patient, Desmond,
isn't he?
483
00:30:37,320 --> 00:30:38,800
He has to be at times, isn't he?
484
00:30:39,040 --> 00:30:40,860
All right, let's try it again.
485
00:30:41,380 --> 00:30:43,420
Frank Spencer, Man About the Home, take
three.
486
00:30:45,340 --> 00:30:50,080
Mrs. Spencer, were you very surprised
when you found that your husband had
487
00:30:50,080 --> 00:30:51,980
chosen for the Man About the Home Award?
488
00:30:52,760 --> 00:30:54,960
Well, I was a little surprised, yes.
489
00:30:55,660 --> 00:30:57,360
Mind you, he's always doing...
490
00:31:04,300 --> 00:31:08,000
great blessing to have a handyman for a
husband. Oh, yes, I'm always grateful.
491
00:31:09,280 --> 00:31:11,640
I never know what he's going to do next.
492
00:31:12,840 --> 00:31:15,500
In fact, it usually comes.
493
00:31:18,260 --> 00:31:22,100
All right,
494
00:31:24,860 --> 00:31:26,600
cut, Desmond.
495
00:31:26,920 --> 00:31:31,600
What are you doing? I'm not having any
more of that. You was humming my
496
00:31:31,600 --> 00:31:32,600
there.
497
00:31:33,290 --> 00:31:35,890
I was trying to do was to keep the three
of us together. I am trying to conduct
498
00:31:35,890 --> 00:31:36,689
an interview.
499
00:31:36,690 --> 00:31:39,890
On second thought, Desmond, I think
we'll scrub the interview and we'll let
500
00:31:39,890 --> 00:31:40,890
work speak for itself.
501
00:31:41,970 --> 00:31:47,370
I tell you what we'll do, Mr. Spencer,
we'll do some film of your work. You go
502
00:31:47,370 --> 00:31:52,790
out to that door and come, if you will,
through the hallway where your wife will
503
00:31:52,790 --> 00:31:53,729
be waiting for you.
504
00:31:53,730 --> 00:31:55,250
Frank may do that as well.
505
00:31:56,120 --> 00:31:57,240
Well, that's absolutely splendid.
506
00:31:57,500 --> 00:32:02,000
So, you'll come into here. Yes, and
through the doorway, down the hall.
507
00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:04,840
right. And you ignore the camera, and
you ignore me.
508
00:32:05,140 --> 00:32:08,920
Just be yourself. And I'll be out in a
minute to run you through it, all right?
509
00:32:09,120 --> 00:32:12,760
So, I stay in here, then, do I? If you
would, Mrs. French, but you would sit
510
00:32:12,760 --> 00:32:16,640
over there, would you? Yes. Sit down
there, all right? What I want you to do,
511
00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:20,080
you will, is to wait there to greet your
husband when he comes home from work.
512
00:32:20,360 --> 00:32:24,420
Just imagine it's an ordinary, normal
day in your family life.
513
00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:32,120
Right. Now, Mr Spencer.
514
00:32:32,780 --> 00:32:33,900
Mr Spencer.
515
00:32:34,840 --> 00:32:35,840
Mr Spencer.
516
00:32:35,880 --> 00:32:37,000
Mr Spencer.
517
00:32:38,460 --> 00:32:39,880
There's someone at the door.
518
00:32:45,100 --> 00:32:46,760
Hello, Betty. I'm home.
519
00:32:47,640 --> 00:32:51,960
It's me, Betty. Here I am. I walked all
the way down the pathway.
520
00:32:52,420 --> 00:32:54,540
And then I got over there. Mr Spencer.
521
00:33:00,330 --> 00:33:01,690
You told me to ignore you.
522
00:33:02,970 --> 00:33:07,950
Not when I am speaking to you. And we're
not ready yet. And when I told you to
523
00:33:07,950 --> 00:33:11,390
go outside the door, I didn't actually
mean outside the house.
524
00:33:11,650 --> 00:33:14,390
Well, you didn't say that. I was just
trying to get into the part.
525
00:33:14,950 --> 00:33:17,630
And I thought it would give the viewers
a chance to hear my bell.
526
00:33:19,670 --> 00:33:22,510
Well, I think the viewers have had their
chance to hear your bell.
527
00:33:23,690 --> 00:33:26,070
And now they'd like to stop hearing your
bell.
528
00:33:28,490 --> 00:33:29,490
Desmond?
529
00:33:29,649 --> 00:33:30,649
Ignore the hallway.
530
00:33:31,690 --> 00:33:34,150
Do you want to see my R .F. Pricey? No.
531
00:33:35,090 --> 00:33:36,550
He's not getting on all right.
532
00:33:36,770 --> 00:33:38,650
He's very quick at picking things up.
533
00:33:39,010 --> 00:33:41,570
Oh, he's had to pick up quite a few
things already.
534
00:33:42,370 --> 00:33:45,830
Right, let's do it. Frank Spencer, man
about the home, take four.
535
00:33:47,910 --> 00:33:50,350
Spencer, we are ready for you.
536
00:33:51,090 --> 00:33:54,090
Mr. Jacobs, are you ready for me?
537
00:34:10,860 --> 00:34:15,219
words and she spoke first. You don't
have any words, Mr Spencer. This is
538
00:34:15,219 --> 00:34:19,679
film. All I'd like to see is perhaps
your mouth working. Now, will you please
539
00:34:19,679 --> 00:34:21,139
outside and do it again?
540
00:34:23,980 --> 00:34:25,179
I'm sorry, Desmond.
541
00:34:26,360 --> 00:34:30,719
He hasn't been on television before.
It's all quite new to him. Mrs Spencer,
542
00:34:30,719 --> 00:34:34,460
I want him to do is to come through that
door and just say...
543
00:34:54,639 --> 00:34:57,480
I want to get this thing done. Let's do
it. Strike, Spencer. Mind about the home
544
00:34:57,480 --> 00:34:58,138
take. Fine.
545
00:34:58,140 --> 00:34:59,140
Keep running, Mr. Spencer.
546
00:34:59,360 --> 00:35:00,360
Keep running.
547
00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:02,160
Keep running.
548
00:35:02,620 --> 00:35:03,620
Keep running.
549
00:35:04,900 --> 00:35:06,560
Oh, snap your foot.
550
00:35:07,180 --> 00:35:08,180
Oh, cat.
551
00:35:10,560 --> 00:35:11,660
Mr. Spencer.
552
00:35:14,260 --> 00:35:18,420
Can't you do something about that door?
I just need a little adjustment.
553
00:35:18,760 --> 00:35:23,540
Is there anything at all in this house
that doesn't either stop, rattle, or
554
00:35:24,270 --> 00:35:26,510
He's not like this on any questions, is
he?
555
00:35:28,310 --> 00:35:29,750
Don't forget his sofa.
556
00:35:30,170 --> 00:35:34,790
Oh, I will never forget his sofa. What
about my bookshelves?
557
00:35:36,210 --> 00:35:38,430
Oh, at last!
558
00:35:38,690 --> 00:35:40,830
Something I can actually use.
559
00:35:41,330 --> 00:35:43,570
Now, what I'll do is have that book out.
560
00:35:48,710 --> 00:35:52,010
Mr Spencer, it wasn't even straight.
561
00:35:52,880 --> 00:35:53,880
Wouldn't you have measured it?
562
00:35:54,500 --> 00:35:56,720
The cat sucked the numbers off my ruler.
563
00:36:00,060 --> 00:36:02,720
I will not be... Now, that's the spirit.
564
00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:05,200
I will not be deficient. Now, we'll
think of something.
565
00:36:05,420 --> 00:36:08,760
Yes, we will. I've got it. Linda, you
take the lamp. Linda, you take the lamp.
566
00:36:08,960 --> 00:36:11,840
Neville, far end of the bookshelf. Far
end of the bookshelf, Neville. And you
567
00:36:11,840 --> 00:36:14,040
hold that side up, Neville. Hold it up
there.
568
00:36:14,280 --> 00:36:18,720
Yasmin, you shoot half the bookshelf,
but don't show him. No, no, no. And,
569
00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:20,800
Spencer, you sit over there. You sit
there, Betty.
570
00:36:21,140 --> 00:36:22,420
Julian, down by the door.
571
00:36:23,240 --> 00:36:26,180
Julian, down by the door. And, Mr.
Spencer, be quiet.
572
00:36:27,120 --> 00:36:28,120
Now, down on the floor.
573
00:36:28,660 --> 00:36:31,000
No, not everybody down on the floor.
574
00:36:31,580 --> 00:36:35,460
Julian, down on the floor and open the
door. All right? Now, right. Mr.
575
00:36:35,620 --> 00:36:36,519
I'll try.
576
00:36:36,520 --> 00:36:41,300
And this time, we will do it as much as
I don't care if he comes through that
577
00:36:41,300 --> 00:36:45,460
door on all fours. You just keep
shooting. All right? Craig Spencer, man
578
00:36:45,460 --> 00:36:46,460
the home, take six.
579
00:36:47,890 --> 00:36:48,890
Mr. Spencer?
580
00:36:49,590 --> 00:36:51,150
Mr. Spencer? He's coming.
581
00:36:52,070 --> 00:36:53,070
Who's coming?
582
00:36:54,390 --> 00:36:55,390
Oh.
583
00:37:35,430 --> 00:37:36,269
How's Mrs.
584
00:37:36,270 --> 00:37:37,770
Hayes? What?
585
00:37:38,110 --> 00:37:40,630
I was just inquiring about your good
lady wife.
586
00:37:41,210 --> 00:37:43,090
I hope she's in the best of health.
587
00:37:44,430 --> 00:37:47,030
I expect she'll be glad to see you
safely home again.
588
00:37:47,410 --> 00:37:49,770
I shall be glad to see me safely home
again.
589
00:37:50,710 --> 00:37:51,710
Is this your car?
590
00:37:52,810 --> 00:37:55,010
Excuse me, Mr. Hayes.
591
00:37:55,650 --> 00:37:56,870
Haven't we forgotten something?
592
00:37:57,470 --> 00:37:59,090
You did remember to bring your car.
593
00:38:00,350 --> 00:38:01,530
No. What?
594
00:38:02,000 --> 00:38:03,000
Now, that's not what I meant.
595
00:38:03,780 --> 00:38:09,620
Do you have, perchance, any little
defect or some little thing that's been
596
00:38:09,620 --> 00:38:10,680
giving you a bit of trouble?
597
00:38:10,940 --> 00:38:12,160
Of course I don't.
598
00:38:12,620 --> 00:38:14,380
Now, that's what you're meant to ask me.
599
00:38:14,700 --> 00:38:16,320
I know what I'm supposed to ask you.
600
00:38:17,320 --> 00:38:19,340
Do you have any physical disabilities?
601
00:38:20,200 --> 00:38:21,200
No.
602
00:38:22,020 --> 00:38:24,620
Just the same I was the last time I
drove you.
603
00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:27,200
I thought the end result would be a
little different.
604
00:38:29,180 --> 00:38:31,320
Now, can you read the number plate on
that car?
605
00:38:31,880 --> 00:38:35,780
Do you mean the little red one or the
big rusty one?
606
00:38:36,340 --> 00:38:37,780
The little red one.
607
00:38:38,100 --> 00:38:40,100
The big rusty one's mine.
608
00:38:45,840 --> 00:38:50,260
J -D -L
609
00:38:50,260 --> 00:38:56,920
-4 -7 -8 -J
610
00:38:56,920 --> 00:38:58,900
for Jessica.
611
00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:03,600
So far, so good.
612
00:39:04,740 --> 00:39:05,740
Excuse me.
613
00:39:06,580 --> 00:39:09,380
May I ask, is this your last run?
614
00:39:09,600 --> 00:39:11,100
I sincerely hope not.
615
00:39:12,420 --> 00:39:15,120
I meant, am I the last one today?
616
00:39:15,540 --> 00:39:18,300
Yes, yes, and we don't have a great deal
of time, so can we get on?
617
00:39:19,280 --> 00:39:22,840
Well, let's hope it's tenth time lucky.
618
00:39:25,760 --> 00:39:28,640
Now, I'd like you to go a little faster,
please.
619
00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:32,160
I thought you told me to slow down.
620
00:39:32,360 --> 00:39:33,880
I'll tell you when to slow down.
621
00:39:34,940 --> 00:39:36,720
Not too much, I said a little faster.
622
00:39:40,600 --> 00:39:42,460
Do you always sweat when you're nervous?
623
00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:46,880
No, I want you to take the next turning
we come to, please.
624
00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:49,300
Right, right. Mirror, signal, manoeuvre.
625
00:39:49,620 --> 00:39:51,520
Well, does the lorry come up behind you?
626
00:39:52,520 --> 00:39:53,880
Well, I'll increase my speed.
627
00:39:54,100 --> 00:39:55,140
There's no need for that.
628
00:39:55,400 --> 00:39:57,740
Just be indescribable. Make your
intentions clear.
629
00:39:58,170 --> 00:40:00,350
Your instructor told you that, didn't
he? Yes, he did.
630
00:40:01,150 --> 00:40:07,230
He also told me that an angry motorist
is a bad motorist, but a happy motorist
631
00:40:07,230 --> 00:40:09,010
is a good motorist. Did he indeed?
632
00:40:09,410 --> 00:40:11,250
Yes. Mr. Spencer, you're still going too
fast.
633
00:40:12,050 --> 00:40:16,390
You're still going much too fast, Mr.
Spencer. Mr. Spencer, will you slow
634
00:40:16,490 --> 00:40:17,670
Use your gears. Change down.
635
00:40:17,970 --> 00:40:18,970
One minute.
636
00:40:19,630 --> 00:40:21,170
Signal. Yes, gears.
637
00:40:21,650 --> 00:40:22,870
Gears. Hands on the wheel!
638
00:40:29,480 --> 00:40:30,720
Keep going, keep going.
639
00:40:31,780 --> 00:40:32,940
You were shouting.
640
00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:36,920
Oh, my God, look out!
641
00:40:38,960 --> 00:40:45,960
Of course, this seems
642
00:40:45,960 --> 00:40:46,960
a bit early.
643
00:40:47,460 --> 00:40:48,940
Must be a new driver.
644
00:40:53,580 --> 00:40:57,100
Mr Hayes? Mr Hayes, are you all right?
645
00:40:59,470 --> 00:41:00,470
Mr. Hayes?
646
00:41:02,830 --> 00:41:04,390
What is it, Mr. Hayes?
647
00:41:08,210 --> 00:41:09,430
Speak to me, Mr.
648
00:41:09,690 --> 00:41:10,690
Hayes!
649
00:41:12,610 --> 00:41:13,610
Stop!
650
00:41:16,370 --> 00:41:20,990
You only had to say.
651
00:41:22,790 --> 00:41:24,650
Can I get my handkerchief out now?
652
00:41:27,509 --> 00:41:28,910
Would you like your handkerchief?
653
00:41:31,110 --> 00:41:34,110
I was quite worried there for a minute.
654
00:41:36,070 --> 00:41:39,650
We'll stay here for a while and then
you'll feel a bit better. I want to get
655
00:41:39,650 --> 00:41:40,650
out.
656
00:41:41,950 --> 00:41:43,170
Do you think you should?
657
00:41:44,210 --> 00:41:45,210
I must get out.
658
00:41:47,410 --> 00:41:48,630
I think I'm going to be sick.
659
00:42:00,010 --> 00:42:01,010
in the highway code.
660
00:42:01,930 --> 00:42:02,930
What?
661
00:42:03,910 --> 00:42:05,070
Tall, short road.
662
00:42:07,230 --> 00:42:13,690
I think that fresh air did you a bit of
good, Mr Hayes.
663
00:42:13,990 --> 00:42:15,370
You're looking a lot better now.
664
00:42:16,450 --> 00:42:17,630
Not quite so green.
665
00:42:22,170 --> 00:42:23,850
Where are you going? I didn't say turn
left.
666
00:42:24,110 --> 00:42:27,430
You said you wanted to get back to the
driving centre as soon as possible. I'm
667
00:42:27,430 --> 00:42:28,430
taking a shortcut.
668
00:42:28,810 --> 00:42:31,550
Come on, don't... Turn down here, this
just goes to the sea.
669
00:42:31,870 --> 00:42:33,730
No, it's all right, because I can go
round the corner.
670
00:42:35,310 --> 00:42:40,590
My mother used to take me to the
seaside, because my Uncle Adrian used to
671
00:42:40,590 --> 00:42:45,110
Punch and Judy show, and she used to
help him. She played Punch and he played
672
00:42:45,110 --> 00:42:46,110
Judy.
673
00:42:47,150 --> 00:42:49,210
They used to let me do the voices
sometimes.
674
00:42:51,130 --> 00:42:52,810
Hello, Mr Punch, I'm the crocodile.
675
00:42:53,030 --> 00:42:54,030
Snap, snap, snap.
676
00:42:54,710 --> 00:42:56,550
Will you pay attention?
677
00:42:57,230 --> 00:42:58,470
You don't have to shout.
678
00:42:59,950 --> 00:43:00,950
Just tell me what to do.
53306
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