All language subtitles for operation_good_guys_s03e05_jubilee

Jim, I just popped in to say how much I
appreciate the energy and enthusiasm and

dedication you're bringing to the new
task.

And indeed the seriousness with which
you're treating it.

Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

The good God.

Well, no, that's your perception of it,
which, with the greatest respect, is

wrong. Oh, you see, because we are at
the cutting edge here. And we're

undercover. And we're doing what we do
best. We're saving people's lives.

Now,

remember, children, nonce. Night owls
never cross erratically.

Now, what you must do... The good guys
have been put on special assignment.

The chippy chipmunk rode safety course.

Now,

some people are silly.

And they cross in the wrong place.

And, oh, I think I see a silly person
coming. Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.

Can anybody tell

me what he is now?

Yes.

Yes, he is, but he's a squash tomato,
isn't he?

That's right, he's a squash tomato.

He's actually pureed tomato now.

Tomato ketchup is what he is.

Okay, stop giggling, Mark, please.

And I only hope if these kids see me
dressed as Safety Squirrel that they're

going to get some sort of... No, you're
Chipmunk.

No, I'm a squirrel. You're Chipmunk.
That's why I call you Chippy.

However, change is in the air as D .I.
Beach receives an unexpected summons.

Yes,

we did contact Detective Inspector Beach
because this particular visit does fall

under the jurisdiction of his force.

And the family are very keen to visit
this specific public house so that they

can meet.

Ordinary people, you know, spend a short
time amongst ordinary folk.

And it's entirely fitting that ordinary
policemen should oversee the operation.

All very ordinary.

We're unhappy about this perception that
the family is perhaps losing touch with

ordinary life.

So what we want is everything to be
absolutely normal.

A reality pill, if you like.

However... DI Beach has other ideas. Get
all those leaves up and put them back

on a tree.

All right?

Strings, has that carpet been washed?

It's covered in stains. You can see it
from up here.

Bones? Is that gloss?

Forget gloss. I want green gloss for
green grass, all right?

I don't care. I want it nice and shiny.

Go on, look at his fit.

What do you think you're doing?

Sorry, sir? What do you think you look
like?

On your head?

Oh, um, oh.

Yes, I've just wiped it out. It's for
the guests. It makes me look more regal.

It's ridiculous.

Anyway, if anybody's going to wear a
golden helmet, it's going to be me.

I'd love to tell you the identity of
this family, but obviously I can't for

security reasons. I'm sure you
understand that. But we're going to

the Jubilee family.

The only thing I can tell you at this
stage is that we do have a bit of a

dilemma as to whether we're going to
drive them or fly them by RAF helicopter

from Windsor.

One, two, three, eight.

We do insist that a toilet is

available to the family at all times.
Now this is going to require rather more

planning than you may imagine because
the important point is that the facility

needs to be no further than 15 feet.

Away from the family at any one time. 15
feet.

Well, I hope their aim is as good as it
is when they're shooting their chickens,

if you like.

It's also important that this facility
is in tip -top condition.

Right, come here.

Come here, please.

Oh, all right, down there.

Look at that.

Healthy. If that was cleaned with any
degree of frequency, you wouldn't have

this problem, would you?

Now, somebody's got to take a chisel to
that.

When about 16, 17?

They have this operation.

They do wee -wee, but the operation
stops them from doing poo -poo.

Well, they never, ever go for a shit.
No, they do wee -wee.

Colostomy bag, it's called, isn't it?

I don't know.

No, it ain't a colostomy, is it? I don't
know what it is, but they just don't

go. That's why, that's why. When you
ever meet the mother, you're supposed to

never pat her handbag.

I don't know what all the fuss is about,
mate. I mean, we've all had a

discussion. And it's common knowledge,
isn't it? Everyone knows that the

Jubilees do not go to the toilet.

Beach has ordered Mark and Bones to
clear the area of all offensive

They've asked us to look after the
dietary and the sanitary needs of the

corgis.

Now that is smashing, isn't it?
Meanwhile, meticulous preparations

Sir, the idea is, we have these on
observation when we're stuck in a

And what we're going to do is we're
going to take these out, put one in

room, so that at any time Jubilee is
only 15 feet away from a toilet.

Yeah, well, I've said it. I mean, it's
not a big deal, is it? They're not going

to use it. It's not going out live. I
don't believe chihuahuas.

Mark, can you come in here and look at
this?

We've at least had to zhuzh it up a
little bit.

These are the ones from your book,
aren't they, sir? They are.

They really set it off. And these
cherries, they look like the ones in

bedroom, sir. They are the ones in my
bedroom.

Really? Yes, and let's have a look
inside.

Yeah, but it's totally loaded.

All fluffy bits in there.

That's it. Just in case of accident. I'm
just kidding. Can you bring the camera

in, Mark?

That's it.

At the back here, we put a piece of
velvet, red velvet.

because, well, the crown could scratch.

You could so easily lose a stone.

Well, that one looks like a small doggy,
doesn't it?

We found quite a lot, actually. We've
got about two pound here.

Don't be shouting at me. I'm not
shouting.

We can only afford one port -a -loo.

Don't say that term with me. We can only
afford one port -a -loo. How can we

keep 15 feet away from her and him and
him at one time? It has to be 15 feet,

Ray. It's in the book.

I don't know.

We're working out.

Improvised.

Right, now, you have to imagine, sir,
that I'm one of them, OK? Ready?

Watch. Hop.

That's perfect. Fifteen feet at all
times.

Back a bit, Bill.

You should really stay back, cos I don't
need to all splosh about in here, you

know what I mean? It's funny, isn't it,
now, that you... I've never seen... You

don't see any white dog shit any more,
do you? I ain't seen... It's like... Not

since the 70s.

Anything? I'm definitely getting
something, definitely.

I'm not. I think it's working.

Another officer dispatched to the front.

Hello, sir.

Oh, stop it! Oh, no, I've got that. I've
got that. I can taste it down the back

of my throat, too.

Oh, God, I have to blame you!

Obviously, they've asked me to look
after the music for the Jubilees visit.

And between you and me, it's a bit
embarrassing.

Have a look at that.

Because I'm a bit of an anarchist, you
see.

But, well, the job's got to be done, so
we'll crack on with it. I'm going to

give them a real strings welcome.

It's going to be rock and roll.

God save the... I shouldn't have said
that. In you go, Ed.

Sort those vents out, Ray.

As thick as you can.

Oh, the smell.

Oh, the smell. You've got to do
something about the soundproofing.

Just get rid of it. We've got to get it
out. We've got to dispose of it in an

orderly fashion. Look, let's bung it in
here.

See, if this gets in a kid's eye, it's
got a worm in it and makes them go

It's absolutely... I don't know. I
wonder

what he had last night.

The Jubilees are going to be here in an
hour. And look, the place looks like a

rubbish tip.

Come on, get all the rubbish together.

Sarge, just plonk it down here in the
middle of the floor. As we put the ship.

Just put it down there. We get all the
bags together and then we're going to

skip them. What, mix it up with all the
other rubbish? Put it down there, Bones.

Oh, no, no, no.

What's all this?

It's less than an hour before the
Jubilees arrive and there's bags and

bloody bags of rubbish everywhere.

All right, so I'm going to skip it. You
were going to do it, weren't you? You

were going to do it. I never asked you
to do it now, did you? Let me get it

now. Do it.

All right, I promise.

The smell of pine disinfectant still
lingering in the air. The Jubilees

arrive for their low -key visit.

Can you, Mark, have you seen both?

Your Highness, will you come?

Have you got us both in shot now?

But it is actually bomb -proof and it's
bulletproof, but rather lovely to look

at at the same time, I think.

Well, that's all very well. Of course,
don't you think it'd be so much more

attractive if they were leaded?

As in?

No, no, they're designed to keep lead
out.

So then the governor kicked the bag and
it was covered in shit. That was ten

minutes before you arrived.

So he stinks.

We've got the worst of it, but he's told
me to spray him every time the... Oh,

for heaven's sake. I mean, we are always
covered in the stuff. And the public

see the arms pair because all the time
we didn't bother to wash it off.

Now, have you got your own teeth?

Of course.

Right, because I'm going to get you some
biscuits, OK?

Thank you.

You're not like the other old people I
look after, you know. You don't smell of

pee.

Right, now, do you want chocolate ball
buns or custard creams?

Yeah, chaps, come over here. Look, look.

I was supposed to look after the
corkies, but they've put me in charge of

cars. Look, it's got everything. It's
GPS.

It's got a bomb -proof floor, lead
-filled doors, bulletproof windows.

Now I can practice my anti -terrorist
driving techniques. Look at this, mate.

I understand you both served in the
Royal Marines.

Yes, sir.

79 -384, sir.

The Thard and Bill take Jubilee 2 down
memory lane.

They took hold of him and made him put
the white vest on.

And the little white knickers, sir. And
the white socks, sir.

The little ones.

The little ones, yeah.

And then they covered him in glitter,
sir.

Well, that's tremendous.

I'm very pleased to know that.

Thank you, sir.

Meanwhile, Jubilee One is enduring DS
Ash's every attention.

No, it does not.

the modern -day questioning room where
you see the familiar twin -deck tape

recorder.

I'm rather interested in questioning
rooms myself.

You are? Well, I've actually done some
drawing.

Would you like to see them? They're
rather pretty little watercolour. Oh,

indeed. We would have them.

What fun.

I was enormously pleased with the water
and the trees in the background. And the

lovely liberal use of colour.

Hey, hang on a minute. That's a ducking
stanch.

Strange, please.

No, I'm sorry, sir, but that's the
fascist representation of a torture

Shut up.

I particularly like the restraints on
the ground floor.

What I thought I'd do is obviously let
the corgis run about.

It's going to tire them out. So when the
Jubilees have finished their visit,

they're going to go back to their house.

The corgis are going to be tired.

And obviously then, you know, they're
going to sort of, they're going to be

to go to bed.

I didn't see him. Well, you've done
another one. You've done both of them.

I'll just go to the club. Oh, Jesus.
That's all I heard.

What are we going to do?

Well, Arthur, you're supposed to be
looking after the dogs.

Yeah, but you weren't supposed to drive
the car around the car park, were you?

You're not supposed to let them in the
car. You're supposed to stay in the

car. Look.

Well, I'm to the lead.

Oh, no.

I like this one.

Mm -hmm.

Yeah, that's a tremendous idea.

It's a nice one, isn't it, sir? Nice
colour, sir.

Looks like an Indian made that one.

More like a cowboy, I'd say.

Now, look, I'm going to have to stop you
there.

Why? Because you can't go further than
15 feet from the toilet.

Good heavens, why?

Well, it says so in your book, doesn't
it? Now, come on, sit down.

Well, of course, Gordon and me had a
rather good game called Hide the

Caramel. And you had to decrease it on
your purpose.

Well, of course, everybody knew exactly
where... Well,

I had rather good wheeze. I've hid it
behind my ear.

Meanwhile, the bonding between Jubilee 2
and the ART continues.

Oh, yes.

Takes me back.

I've got a long day ahead of us, so I
want you to go to the loo, OK?

But I don't need to go. Yes, you do. You
do. It's them rusks. They go straight

through you. You do.

Jubilee 1's patient.

is finally beginning to wear thin.

That's it.

There's a little brush there if you go
number twos, all right? And I'll be

outside, but I won't listen.

You have to be firm with the elderly.

I saw Mummy and Daddy on the ship.

Ran up the gangplank.

And she wouldn't even kiss me.

Not even just a little kiss on the
cheek.

She just...

Shook my hand.

Just hearing that makes me so cross.

Extraordinary. Has your mother ever
kissed you?

No.

No, she never kissed me, but she did
other things.

Of course, I mean, nobody's understood
me. My nannies, my parents, God, even my

polo ponies.

I understand.

What on earth does that smell? It smells
of poo.

I've been given the great honour of
looking after Jubilee One because I'm

good with old people, you see.

Oh, she seems to be stirring now.

Oh, yeah.

It's the rusks, you see.

Now, this is a lovely bit of kit, sir.

It's a flashbang grenade.

We throw them into the room when the
terrorists are there, and a huge

disorientates them.

Beautiful. And it's British -made.

Hmm. Certainly doesn't look as if it's
made by an Indian.

No. Oh, shit!

It's Lloyd! It's Lloyd!

It's Lloyd! It's Lloyd!

What's going on?

What's going on? What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Very successful day so far. I think
you're...

Whilst Jubilee One receives on -the
-spot medical attention, Beach travels

to ensure the rest of the day goes
without a hitch.

There are people here that have no
organisation to be here.

Silence,

please! Let's have you all up on your
feet now!

On your feet! Come on! Chop, chop!

Move it. Move it, move it.

Mind just lining up against the bar,
please.

Get them all out of here! Everybody!

Follow the police officer.

Thank you.

Just get into the bank of the police.

Thanks very much.

I really think you should just calm
down, OK?

You should just calm down.

Come and have a cup of tea and a tablet.
You don't want a tea and I don't want a

tablet. I want the real, authentic
EastEnders in here now, please. Thank

We'll go and fetch them. Right.

We've been given our orders by the
Governor.

We've been told to acquire the target.

And we've been told to shoot to kill.

There he is, Bill.

50 yards approaching.

40.

30. I have, I have. Go, go, go!

Sir, I've got those East End people,
like you said.

Having cleared the pub of all its
regulars, speech introduces a more

East End crowd.

Right, lads, we're cheeky chirpy
cockneys today.

And the birds tap into my garden.

Real people.

You see, the problem with all this
was... Are you getting me there, Mark?

..was finding the real East End people.

The people that actually won the war for
this country, the backbone, the bulldog

breed, the real cockneys, those born
within the sound of bow bells. I mean,

long were we looking before we found
these? I was looking for three days. I

couldn't find them, could I? You
mentioned the Pearly Kings and Queens

Association.

Bingo, there we are.

But the pièce de résistance, if you come
round this way, is a real East End

barmaid.

This is not.

Mine's a pint of bitter, please, Sharon.

Well, it's not on, really. I was just
sitting there. Police come through me

door, telling me to get up and go to a
real East End pub.

I mean, for the... I like the family and
that.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I mean...
Cos it happens.

My mum would probably be well pleased.

Fantastic point.

It helps you to work in a pub, can't
you?

Smash it.

Put a head on that.

Do you know I didn't even work in the
Vic?

I beg your pardon? I didn't even work in
the f***ing Vic.

They pressed me out of my ass. They
think I've got nothing to do since I

that programme.

Do they?

Do they think that I don't get no work?

I don't know about that.

Yeah, sometimes it is a bloody thankless
task and we have to take life.

Doesn't really matter though, does it?

Well, it don't matter to you.

No.

I mean, he does it well, doesn't he?
He's like a heartbreaker, a lifetaker.

Well, the governor's asked me to sort of
be the official food taster.

I have to take a little bite out of
everything just to prove

that it's not poison.

Well, no, no, it was very prudent of
Sir. He spotted the fact that the drinks

weren't tested for poison and he took it
upon himself.

To do that.

It's just unfortunate there was rather a
lot of them.

Blue one's fine.

That's good.

Sir, do you mind if I just air in a
worry?

We don't have any worries, Ray.

Shouldn't you let the other men drink
them, sir? Then we can spread the load a

little, couldn't we?

Men can't drink on duty, Ray. Now,
where's the gin?

That one is.

Having consumed 25 units of alcohol in
the line of duty, Beach is now

the spontaneous knees up for the
Jubilee's arrival.

Have you got it all out? No.

It's a funny colour, isn't it?

Oh, I've got it. No, come on.

I must have picked up a germ off a dirty
glass. I know, I know.

Come on, let's go out. It's my glove.

No, no, the glove's gone.

No, no, you haven't lost it. It's gone
down to your eye.

Let's leave it there. It's dirty.

Don't leave it.

I'm not going to leave it. Excuse me,
boys.

Come on.

Having regained her composure and her
hearing, Jubilee One dutifully continued

her tour.

You might be a servant.

So you

got it then? Yeah, got it then. Well,
the governor would be pleased about

Yeah, but we've been talking, Ray, and
we think we're right on the edge of the

law on this one. Don't worry about it.
We are the law. Now, pop it in the

microwave, quick.

How long? Give it a half hour on full
blast, Bill, all right?

Meanwhile, Bones is leading the
entertainment extravaganza.

Good evening.

It's my turn now to do a little joke
that I heard the other day.

This fella, he's up in court.

for buggering a corgi.

Anyway, he comes up in front of the
judge, and the judge says, buggering a

corgi? He says, that's disgusting, my
man.

How low can you get?

The first is Chihuahua.

Where are my dogs?

I just feel certain I've met you before.

Perhaps it's just you remind me a little
of...

Who's going to say Fergie?

Fergie, who's she?

I have to inform you that this has been
the most disgraceful display I have ever

experienced in all my years representing
this family.

Beach is beginning to see his chances of
a knighthood receding.

Detective Inspector Beach is
something... What have you done?

Quiet, please. The pièce de résistance
coming in right now.

Ba -ba -da -da -ba -da -da, real pub
grubs for a real pub lady. Ba -ba -da

-ba -da -da, stuffed with a turkey, swan
in a basket.

Disgusting. Oh, come on. So, sort your
missus out, will you? It's beautiful.

Get off me! It's disgusting!

Without Beach at the helm, things are
rapidly beginning to spiral out of

control.

You, call yourself a man, you wouldn't
even kiss your son.

What kind of father do you think you
are? You've got a heart of stone. You're

cold man, you are.

That's all right, you'll kiss my...
That's all right, I'll give you a damn.

good. You understand me?

No,

no, in retrospect, I think it went very,
very well.

You know, I'm taking into account the
governor's behaviour. That was due to

drinking in the line of duty and taking
tranquilisers.

Well, they just don't mix, do they?

You know I had a slice of toast for
breakfast this morning. I couldn't

eat anything now. Right, I'm sure you've
had enough, and we're going to go.

We're going. We're not going anywhere.
Yes, you are. You're coming with me.

I've only just started.

No, you just started. You're coming with
me.

Look, come on. Don't you touch my hand
on me. I'm not touching you now. Don't

get aggressive with me. You always make
me leave when I'm having a good time.

You always do this every time we go out.
No, we don't. Come on, let's go. Get to

the bar and get these people a drink.
You're going to have a drink with me.

cannot hold your drink. Come on. Get her
a snowboard. It's not normal.

Come on. Come with me.

I wasn't too bad, was I, Ray? No. No,
no, you were fine.

Well, up until we scuffled, I suppose.

Scuffled.

Oh, God, no.

Yeah, well, it's 52 shots. 52 shots of
alcohol.

No -one can take that.

And a cap at all, at the end of the
evening, I caught him drinking half a

of champagne.

I think he mugged himself off.

Oh, my God, I'm never going to get a
night's sleep now.

How are you going to get to see me?

No more.

Oh, my God.

The Jubilees finally beat a hasty
retreat.

Well, to be honest, he really let us
down. I mean, you can't act like that in

front of the family.

No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, security. You
can't say who it is, Bones. You can't,

OK? What do you mean? Everyone knows us.

I mean, look, they were filming.

He's lucky he never ended up in the
bleeding tower.

Oh, the bit with the... Yeah, you
offered her a hot dog, sir.

What? Yeah, the only thing, it wasn't a
hot dog, if you know what I mean.

It wasn't supposed.

He put tomato sauce all over it and
started waving it about everywhere.

Splashed all over her coat, ruined it.

I told her to put her chicken in and
we'd get it done and dry clean it for

I'm gonna get you.