All language subtitles for operation_good_guys_s02e03_forensics

Look, he's dead!

He's dead.

Thank you, gentlemen. A round of
applause, please.

Nobody move. Everybody stay exactly as
they are.

The first thing we must do is to
ascertain the cause of death.

Theories, any theories, gentlemen?
Please.

Please, gentlemen. Sir, I think the axe
may have something to do with it. Aha!

The axe may have something to do with it
indeed.

that things are not always as they first
appear. For example, this door is

locked... The door is locked from the
inside, therefore the assailant must

entered from this window here.

Not necessarily so, sir, because if the
door was locked from the inside, how

could we have got in here?

Also, sir, there's a door here, look.
It's open, isn't it?

The good God.

It's week three in the retraining
programme and the team are mobilised for

simulated forensic exercise.

Right, we're here today on a training
exercise for forensics.

This shot has been broken into today,
it's been a minor burglary, but we are

going to treat it as a murder.

I want you to go through every inch of
this shot.

Now be careful because there's an old
girl in there who's had a bit of a shock

with a burglary and she's got a
description of the assailant.

What's this all for?

I was told full dress, sir.

Full battle dress? I told everybody to
be dressed. And why did you inform them

to dress like this? Are they going to be
attacked by a jelly cock?

I can take it off, sir.

No, no, you leave it on now, you're
going to sweat, you've got someone to

Right, as you go forward... You make me
feel very uncomfortable. Can you stand

over there?

Is that to keep it in or to let it out?

Marilyn.

Come out here.

Just stand over here.

Stand over here.

Turn your head to the side, whatever
you've got to do, but just try and act

a policeman.

Please.

Remember, Smegs, speedy methodical
efficiency guarantees success. OK, we

we've all done this before.

Desard, get your team through a
perimeter round here.

Strings, you're in charge of interviews.
Mark, fingerprints, and be sparing with

the dust.

I know. It's for kids. It's kiddie
stuff. I know. It's all done this

It's for kids, right? I know. Cola
cubes!

Wow! You've never these?

God! These are cute.

Find the curly wordies.

I'm going to have one of these milk tea.
Look for curly wordies.

They're not proper aniseed balls because
aniseed balls are all red.

So it's Gladys, isn't it?

Yes. Mm -hmm.

Gladys, right.

Um, I'll show you that in a minute.

Do you mind if I take my helmet off?

Oh, you're supposed to.

Not really, but I feel a bit of a tit in
it, to be honest with you.

I'm not really a uniform kind of guy,
normally.

I'm under colour, but it's an exercise.

I've had to get back in uniform, but
that's the only thing I've got. I

we were supposed to be talking about the
burglary.

I'm trying to put you at ease, OK?

As part of our training is to make the
victim, which you are, feel at ease. So

I'm just trying to, you know...

Talk about something else for a minute.
It's OK.

Oh, all right.

I should be careful with these, because
I suffer from terrible IBS.

Irritable bowel syndrome.

Oh, I've heard of that.

Bessard finds the first clue.

It's a shattered, small window,
shattered, just over the toilet.

That's the glass, isn't it? There's some
tea. I see some bread on there. Lovely.

Perfect. Do you want one? Do you want
that? Yeah. Stick it under there.

A little bit.

That's all right.

That's all right. Thank you.

Missions!

What we got here?

What have you been hiding here?

Handbags. I love them.

These are fabulous.

Look at that.

Whatever you do, don't touch the
handbags. I found a dead mouse in there

week.

There you go, young man.

Hand me six pence, please.

Six old pence. Six D, that was.

Six old pence. Two and a half P.

Nothing. We're just pretending.

Show him.

I fly around the universe. I think we
really should be getting on with the

Steve Zodiac. I think you're eating too
much chocolate. It's giving you a sugar

high, sir. It's not giving me a sugar
high. I'm fine. I think it is.

Thanks.

I've found a small amount of hair.

Next to the blood in the toilet. I think
it's from the perpetrator.

I'm getting awkward. Can you sit down
with me, Jim?

That's it.

I'll take that. Thank you very much.

Right, shall we go and log it in then,
sir?

Yeah, in a minute. There is nothing,
nothing quite like a Mars bar, is there?

Except the Milky Way.

The fun Milky Way's right.

Only the crumbliest, flakiest chocolate
tastes like

chocolate never tasted before.

Sit out this flame.

What have I got there? It's a rum bell.

What are we doing?

What are you doing? What's he doing?

I'm looking for creamy truffle, sir.
Well, don't.

Calm down. You're supposed to be doing
work.

You're supposed to be fingerprinting.
Come on. Come on. This way, sir.

Ray! Penny shrimps!

Is it Ray?

No.

Oh, mate.

You're bigger than this.

No, what we're seeing here is
straightforward, basic forensic police

There's nothing mysterious about it. In
the modern police force, it's what we do

all the time. Mark, just in all the
bottles, just get fingerprints.

By process of elimination, we will find
the culprit that perpetrated this crime.

Quite simple.

Quite straightforward.

There's nothing to shake with this
bottle. These are originals.

Is this real?

Original. Black current history.

Fingerprints have been found.

Unfortunately, D .I. Beach forgot to
wear gloves.

Look at this.

It's a bloody mess, isn't it? There's
powder everywhere here. It just needs a

thin film of powder to identify prints.
Not all this mess.

You're asking me to dust everywhere,
sir. It's like a tarse boudoir in here.

Having said that, sir, there are some
unknown prints over there, sir. All

OK, now we're getting somewhere.

These prints, as Mark has pointed out,
can be no other, because if you look at

forensics, the more that you have of one
thing, a lot more of one thing than

something else, then the easier it is to
pinpoint the culprit's prints. And here

we have what I determine to be the
fingerprints of the burglar,

without exception.

Without question.

Well, um, Duchess has got a point,
actually, sir. She has said that the

wore gloves.

Ray, can we, can we get, uh, clear
everybody and everything, please? I just

need... Can we clear everybody out of
here, please?

Come on, Mark, will you clear, please?

Well, it's absolutely apparent, to me,
anyway, that the, uh, the fingerprint

evidence is not conclusive for us, so we
have to...

realised that there's more than one way
to skin a cat, so can I have some ideas,

gentlemen, please? Quick.

Shot.

No? All right, what do we have here?

Let's have a look. What have we got?

We've got hair and we've got a piece of
glass with blood on it. Now, what does

that tell us?

Evidence. All right, what evidence?

But it means someone's cut the head,
doesn't it?

Hair, glass, blood on it. Head cut.

Head wound.

So what do we do about that? What do
people do who cut their head?

They go to hospital, don't they?

To have it thrown up.

So why don't we go to hospital and...
..and arrest anybody who,

in the last 24 hours, has been admitted
with a cut on their head?

Well, go on, then!

What? Come on, Mark. Go on!

Come on.

And you!

Yeah, come on.

Come on, everyone.

Richard?

I think that's a cut, isn't it?

Gentlemen, please.

Go on, then.

Just follow along, everyone.

Top, top.

Over on the grass there.

Mind your heads.

Over there on the grass.

I'm delighted to report that we have our
chief suspect now, who has a small cut

on his hand, but the main piece of
evidence was a quarter of cola cubes

that he had secreted about his person.

All we've got to do now is get a
positive ID from the old lady.

Gladys. And Pop's her uncle.

She's adamant she don't want to do the
ID parade. What is her problem in life?

She's frightened, sir. She's frightened
that the perpetrator might recognise

her. Jesus Christ, she's beginning to
get on my bloody nerves. No, that isn't

fair enough. She's a nice old girl.

We've got nothing in here. We've got no
facilities. We need a room with a two

-way mirror.

Surely that's not beyond the wit of Matt
to find something to... You know what?

Leave it like that.

I'm going to sort something out for you,
sir. Please do. You'll be proud of me.

Desire, can you bring the suspect in,
please? Thank you.

Come on, Ed, in you go.

Open the quiet bed, Bill.

Right, take your time. Gladys, can you
see the suspect?

Yeah, yeah, I can see him.

Right, suspect, can you see Mrs Epps?

No.

Right, Gladys, where are you going?

It's not him.

He was taller.

Just start the toilet, please. Sorry,
sir. Yeah, absolutely.

Can't get no white, sir.

But it's not him.

Take a minute.

Take a minute, sir.

Sorry, sir.

Please go.

Do you want to resolve this crime or
not?

Well, don't just sit there, thing. It's
not him.

But how can you be sure?

Well, I adore him.

All right, then.

Describe me.

Tall, fat, with mousy hair.

You can see what I'm up against.

Everyone knows I'm actually blonde.

You know, you can't rely on visual.

Identification is conclusive evidence.
It's ridiculous, especially when it

from old people.

With all due respect to the old woman,
Gladys, I'd be surprised if she could

remember what she had for breakfast.

There must be something wrong with her
eyes, Ray. She must be bloody blind.

Mate, you're right. I'm not forgetting
this.

She went and said, I was born.

Well, 10 % of the time they're right,
Ray.

That's not very nice of you to say.

This is where the decisions are made.

This is where we find our culprit.

I don't know who it is.

So if I can have the hair from the
suspect.

That was rather enthusiastically.

Mr. Thompson.

Very good.

And the blood from the suspect.

I hope you're getting a cup of tea and a
biscuit after that.

And if I can have the hair from the
scene of the crime.

That little bit there in the corner.

And what about the glass with the blood
on it?

It's nether.

It's in the bottle, is it? Yeah, I
thought I'd keep it wet.

Can we switch that off for a second?
Before we carry on.

Yes,

I admit it, we've had a slight hitch, or
a complete mess -up then, with

forensics. But I want you to see
something here.

I'd like you to look at this charming
individual here, if we can get a close

on this lovely man, who is technically
innocent.

But I'll tell you something.

We're not going to be looking for anyone
else.

LAUGHTER What I'm going to do is
rekindle the men's interest in forensics

a rather theatrical way.

I'm taking them all away on a murder
mystery weekend in an old manor house,

costume, with actors, to see how
forensics actually operated in the olden

And I think it'd be a good idea if you
came along and had a look at this, cos

it'd be rather televisual. It'd be good
for the viewers.

DI Beach has written a script for the
Murder Mystery Weekend and everyone has

part to play.

May I, Hans?

Please be my guest.

I see that your hole's empty, sir. Would
you like me to fill it for you? Please

do. I can do with a good rough shag.

Would you like some... Sorry, sir.

Strings takes his role seriously.

Mr Holmes.

Checkmate to me, I fear Moriarty.

The game's not over yet, Holmes.

It's the final whistle for you,
Moriarty. I'm afraid your goose is

Getting closer by the minute, Watson.

May I, Holmes?

Please be my guest.

I deduce from this that your big white
eyebrows... I'll do

it, sorry. You'll not get me to sing for
my supper.

It'll be just porridge for you,
Moriarty.

But I'm the greatest living master
criminal.

Yeah, nothing but 30 minutes before
we'll take him away.

Rest it.

Getting closer by the minute, Watson.

May I, Holmes?

Please, be my guest.

Hmm. I see that your hole's empty, sir.
Would you like me to fill it for you?

Yes, I could do with a good rough shag.

Ready, Robert?

Please, fill it up.

Would you like a loose fill, sir, or
would you like me to stuff it in hard

you?

You're making these lines up now, Ray,
aren't you? No, no, I'm not. You are.

Well, it wasn't in the script.

Well, you do know.

He's in the scene. He's not.

He is in the scene. He's not, sir. I beg
your pardon, he's not.

I'm sorry, who wrote this?

You wrote it. I wrote it, yes. Well,
I've read it, and I know it well, and

not in this scene. Well, you haven't
read it recently, have you?

What do you mean? Quite clearly you
haven't read it recently, otherwise

know that Mark Catanova is in this scene
with us.

Well, you might have written it, but, I
mean, since when is Casanova waiting

around with Sherlock Holmes? Well,
you're right, he did the original story,

that's not... This is my adaptation of
it. I don't want you to argue about it.

I'll just go upstairs and get charged.
No, say what you are.

We're not arguing about it. We're just
going to get on with the scene now,

please. Look, when you play dead, you're
still... Well, you're not still.

Dead people are dead. They don't move.

There's no two ways of playing dead, is
there? Well, there are certain schools

of thought that would beg to dittle with
you on that.

How do you cut?

Back, demon, seed, vampire.

Back.

Hope.

Lovely child.

I'm trying to help you get the best out
of your part. When you're dead, you

don't move.

End of story. Stop. Full stop.

About the image, the quality of
stillness.

It's not quite dead.

Ridiculous.

This is the vampire's lair. Desire.

One of your props, I believe. Thank you,
sir.

I like the lighting.

Yeah. Very good. Let's have another
look. See where the undead live.

Ladies,

how do you do?

Getting into the old vampire.

It's quite splendid.

Splendid. Carry on.

Right?

Sergeant Ash has been told to bring this
thard into line.

Hello, Ray. All right, what's up?

Yep.

I want to have a little word with you
about the overall attitude

towards this weekend.

Yeah? What, now?

Yeah, but can we... What's that in the
water?

Oh, my God, look... Can we take the
camera outside? Can we...

This is a very special weekend for the
government.

I just don't think you're pulling your
weight, mate.

Yeah, but it's just like I wear that
poxy wig.

You know, we've all got the fringe down.

And you're not.

What are you doing? You're frolicking in
the pool with some young girls.

You shouldn't even be here.

De Sade, don't turn your back on me.

But he could have given me a bit more
slack.

really. I mean, you know, I could have
gone the whole way and laid on the

for example, but he made me stay on the
table.

It's just not showing my full range.

This is how I would stand, naturally.

Well, Watson wouldn't stand like that,
would he? He's a military chap. He'd

his hands behind his back.

Or smart.

If you get the physicality right, the
voice will follow.

Naturally. It's what all actors find.

So if you do the walk first, remember
that he's a military bearing, so he's

erect. No, no, no, spot properly.

Let your hands go.

Now, come back, come back. I mean, I
have had reviews about my corpses.

I have played bodies up in that country.

Now, Watson, what does one deduce from
this piece of evidence here?

Well, Holmes, I would say this is a
creeper of the... No, lower, lower,

end. Yep.

Getting warm?

Warm. Still can't see anything. Warm up.

What, the footprint? The footprint, aha!

Oh, the footprint.

That's right. Now, what does the
footprint tell us?

Every footprint tells a story.

Don't be so bold, sir. Go ahead, Watson.

What I introduce that we have here is a
sports shoe of the Adidas variety.

Adidas.

No, it says.

How do we know it's Adidas?

How do we know it's Adidas?

It says it, so it's... Aha!

Now, what I deduce from this, Watson,
is... By Jove, yes, it is. It's a middle

-aged man who is not used to wearing a
sporting footwear. He's caught on fire,

sir. I'm going to put his... Oh, no, no.
You've ruined all the evidence now.

There's footprints all over. We know who
the footprints are, don't we?

Couldn't they just burn, sir, couldn't
we? That was going really well.

For a change.

He's stamped all over it.

It's only a matter of running upstairs
and getting your trainer and putting it

there again. No, it's not a matter of
running upstairs and getting an old

trainer and putting it there. That was
real then.

We had something really good going. It
was on fire, sir. You've ruined it, the

pair of you.

You make me sick. The building would
have caught on fire, sir.

Things are not going well.

People are confused with Beach's script.

So clearly nobody's understood the
concept at all. Well, none of the

was given.

I'm bringing to... I'm trying... Yeah.
..to bring together characters from

British literature... Great characters
from... And French.

..British and French literature together
in a situation that you wouldn't

normally find them in. Sort of three
musketeers... Yeah, exactly.

So you get the juxtaposition of the
characters coming together... Fine. ..at

once. Yeah.

Mr Holmes.

The game's not over yet.

The game's not over yet.

It's your Moriarty? Yeah.

Dr Moriarty. Mr Holmes.

Checkmate to me, I fear. No, this is
wrong.

Unfortunately, roles are being reversed.

Let's get rich. Come on.

Dr Moriarty. Mr Holmes.

Checkmate to me, I fear.

The game's not over yet, Holmes.

It's the final whistle for you,
Moriarty.

You're not getting me... No, I think I
said... You're coming in over my line.

You're Moriarty.

I'm Moriarty. Just relax.

Now you stop.

Dr Moriarty. Mr Holmes.

No, that was right, sir. Was it?

That's me. That's me. It's my fault.

I'll tell you what was my fault that
time.

OK, let's start again.

Ready? Are we still rolling?

Yep. OK.

Dr Moriarty. Mr Holmes.

Checkmate to me, I fear, Moriarty. The
game's not up yet, Holmes.

It's the final whistle, Moriarty.

Your goose is cooked. You'll not get me
to sing for my supper. It'll be just

porridge for you, Moriarty. But I'm the
greatest living master criminal. You're

nothing but a pathetic, demented fool.

Take him away!

Right, off you go. No, not me, Ray.

Him. Come on, Casanova. No, but I
thought... He should take him away.

He's the criminal, not me.

Why would he take me away?

You know those two actors, the one that
played the Chinaman and the one that

played Ben Gunn?

Yes. They're not coming.

It's something to do with equity and the
camera and... I don't really... Ray,

you've had two weeks. Two weeks to sort
this out.

I want replacements straight away for
these people.

I can't. It wasn't my fault. I can't
even look you in the face because I'm so

furious with telling you.

I'm sorry.

It's all a joke.

Now.

What's he for? Let's see. This is the
gardener.

Oi!

What have you come as?

What do you look like?

Eh?

Well, I'm... I don't know where I'm
supposed to be. The gardener or...

Or a butler, sir. You're supposed to be
both, but not at the same time.

Bart and Ash have gone back to the
professional actors, but they still

take part.

I offered them more money, and they just
flatly refused it and said they'd taken

it up with their union.

So we're up a gum tree.

Sorry. No, no, don't be sorry.

Remember, Ray, it's never a problem,
it's an opportunity.

It's an opportunity to shine.

Beach is determined to see his
theatrical ambitions realised.

Right, gentlemen, your undivided
attention, please.

I'm about to introduce you to the
greatest gumshoe of all, super dick

Mr Sherlock Holmes.

I'm talking. I'm talking!

The reason I've invited you all here,
gentlemen, is because I'm about to

the murderer.

But before I do that, I'd like to take
you step by step to how I reached this

conclusion.

Revealing on the way some key witnesses
who you haven't seen yet. For instance,

the enigmatic child of... Oh, who might
that be at the door?

Gentlemen, let me introduce you to the
villain of the piece, maybe.

Mr. Shirt, the villain.

Oh, terrible!

I'm horrible for my tool!

I'm terrible!

No, sir, sorry.

Are you, sorry, are you playing Sherlock
Holmes, playing a Chinaman, or...?

Are you a Chinaman?

The wind said shut up. Are you saying
that within the script or is it... Just

shut up.

I'm out of the clock. I was
investigating.

I'm not anybody's identity!

Daddy!

It's been done.

And he's now Treasure Island.

This is the last hurdle, all right?

So we've all agreed you're going to go
along with it, yeah? Okay.

They're ready for you.

I'm not coming out.

Why? They're not taking me seriously,
Ray.

They're not taking me seriously.

I'm really confused now.

It's quite simple!

It isn't confusing at all!

You're only confused because you don't
pay f***ing attention!

Don't you talk to me like...

Bloody poncy, mamby -pamby, equity,
Nancy boy!

You can't understand it because you've
only got half a fucking brain!

Look at

me.

Can I just say something?

What? I thought you were brilliant.

Did you, Ray? Yes.

Next week, the team learn how to live
off the land and survive in the wild.