All language subtitles for nowhere_man_s01e20_through_a_lens_darkly

My name is Thomas Vail.

Or at least it was.

I'm a photographer.

I had it all. A wife, Allison.

Friends, a career.

And in one moment it was all taken away.

All because of a single photograph.

I have it.

They want it.

And they will do anything to get the
negative.

I'm keeping this diary as proof that
these events are real.

I know they are.

They... Have to be.

There are six billion people on the
planet today.

Some say that makes individual lives
more inconsequential, more desperate

ever before.

Not because of the numbers themselves,
but because of the anonymity.

They say it's what makes us

cling to those few precious memories
that make us who we are, or at least who

think we are.

It's why a single photograph can have
such importance and power.

Why the act of just holding it can
validate an entire existence.

That's why I needed to know that it was
still there.

Locker B -63.

Despite the mundane setting, it's
supposed to be some kind of blind drop

those people who oppose me, used only in
cases of the utmost emergency.

I know it's another long shot, but then
my life has been reduced to a series of

long shots.

Get in the car.

You want to tell me what this is all
about?

Nothing to tell, really.

We're just a couple of delivery boys.

Okay, how about telling me where we're
going?

Just a little trip, friend.

A little trip down memory lane.

You need to settle down.

All right, sleeping beauty. This is
where you get off.

It's up to you now.

Can't force you inside.

It's got to be your choice.

My choice?

The alternative, however, is not a
pretty thing.

Go on.

Make yourself at home.

Anybody here?

Come on, is there a reason for locking
me in here?

I didn't think you were ever going to
find me.

Laura.

Tom, you're not playing the game the way
it's supposed to be played.

Well, you're not playing fair. You said
you couldn't hide in your own room.

I'm not hiding.

I'm sitting in plain sight.

Why don't we play a game you want to
play?

Come on, Tom.

I'll play any game you want.

And... I'll play by your rules.

Promise?

Wait a minute.

Aren't you going to tell me the name of
the game? It's called Adventure.

You climb out the window with me. We go
to my secret fort. You can't tell

anybody where it is.

And you have to do exactly what I say.

But... You're too chicken to play,
aren't you? No, I'm not.

I just want to know the rules of the
game.

There are no rules.

That's the best part of the game.

You know you're the only person who's
ever been in here.

But you've got to promise to never tell
anybody where this place is.

I promise.

Your promise is too easy.

I don't know if I can trust you to
leave.

Well, what if we took an oath?

A blood oath?

Well, if that's what you think we should
do.

Now we're bonded for life.

Have you ever seen the view from out
here?

Tom?

Tom, what are you doing out there?

Geez, Laura, you should see this view.

I mean, you can see the whole world.

A view isn't worth getting killed for,
Tom.

Yeah, it is.

Watch this.

Tom, please, be careful.

Look, no hands.

Dear Tom, I can't believe it's been
almost a year since we've seen each

I know a lot's changed for both of us,
college and all, but I still think about

you as much as ever.

I've enclosed a copy of my train
schedule.

Please call me if there's a problem, or
even if there's not.

Love always, Laura.

New Orleans Express will be delayed 25
minutes.

You're late, 25.

I didn't think you were going to be
here. What are you talking about?

You didn't call after my letter.

I thought you said to call only if
there's a problem.

It's so good to see you.

It's not much, but my roommates won't be
back until Sunday.

I think it's wonderful.

I have a present for you.

I didn't know if I would get to see you
at Christmas or not, so... Well, you

shouldn't have. I don't have a present
for you.

You're my present.

Come on, open it.

It's used, but the guy at the camera
store said it's in terrific shape.

Do you like it?

Yeah, I love it, but I like it. I mean,
this is the best camera in the world.

That's what the man at the store said.

But how did you even... It's so you can
follow your dreams, Tom.

So you can stay on top of the world.

I can't take it.

Tom, it's a present.

I want you to have it no matter what.

You don't understand.

You have another girl, don't you?

It's okay, Tom.

I'm not going to hold you to some blood
oath we took when we were ten years old.

Laura, I want you to hold me to it.

You do?

Yeah.

My feelings for you.

Even when you're not here and I start
thinking about you, I feel like... Like

heart's going to explode.

I feel like my heart's going to explode
right now just standing here next to

you.

I feel the same way.

We'll be right back.

It's getting painful, isn't it?

Remembering all this.

Especially when you know the worst is
yet to come.

What have you done to me?

Oh, yes, it must be a strange sensation
to be fully conscious and yet not able

to move your arms and legs.

Some people experience that when they
sleep, that they're going to die from

kind of self -inflicted asphyxia.

It must be absolutely horrifying.

Oh, don't worry.

The effect only lasts for about 20
minutes.

Just enough time for us to have a little
chat.

That's only glass, Tom.

Just reflections of things you've
already seen.

Let me take the pain away.

Who are you?

A friend, if you want me to be.

I don't have any friends.

I can change that.

I can change everything and still leave
you with enough of your precious

identity intact so that you'll feel
complete.

You can't change what's already
happened.

You can't bring back the dead.

But I can't help you forget what
happened with Laura.

What's happened with everything in your
life since then?

Your relentless pursuit of the truth, no
matter what the cost. My God, the cost.

You don't know anything about the cost.

I know that it's been painful.

Let me free you from that pain.

Let me free you from everything that's
happened.

You'll be able to go and live a normal
life.

What's your definition of normal?

Very good.

I can see why they like you so much.
Spare me the crap. You work for them.

I do work for them.

But once upon a time, I was in a
situation very similar to yours.

So the sooner you realize that we have
something in common, then the sooner all

of this can end.

And what is this elusive thing that you
and I both want?

Isn't it what all men want?

An escape from the dark side of our
consciousness.

Sophocles probably said it best when he
simply called it memory without pain.

If you let me give you that, then we'll
both have it.

Did you find it, Tom?

Uh, no.

Did you find my contact?

No, sorry, I was just... Zoning out.

You know, if you lost your contact, the
entire world would come to a stop.

Except that I don't wear contacts.

That's not the point.

You probably fell through one of the
mile -wide cracks in our beautiful,

hardwood floors.

I thought you liked hardwood floors.

I like hardwood floors when the boards
aren't warped and the seams don't have

gaping holes between them.

Laura, if you don't like the apartment,
we can find another one.

It's not the apartment, Tom.

It's this whole city.

I had no idea Belfast would be like
this.

Well, what did you think it was going to
be like?

London. Oh, honey.

You know, London can be pretty dreary
this time of year, too.

Yes, I know it can.

But half of London isn't bombed out.

I just don't want to be around while you
photograph the other half of Belfast

being bombed out.

Well, it's been like this since the
Second World War. The way it looks has

to do with the Germans than the IRA.

I'm not talking about the architecture
of the damn city, Tom. I'm talking about

our lives.

Or the lives I thought we would have.

I'm sorry, this obviously isn't the best
time to discuss this.

If you're unhappy about something...

I'm unhappy about your work, Tom.

The assignments you get are more and
more dangerous.

And the pictures you take... The
pictures you take are so powerful, I

look at them anymore.

That's my job.

Laura, that's... Finding truth in
horror, that's... That's what I'm all

That's what my photographs are all
about.

You're still that little boy trying to
stay on top of the world, Tom.

Hoping to find some greater truth.

Some greater truth that simply doesn't
exist.

Look at what our lives have been these
last few years. All the award -winning

photographs and still nothing changes.

There's always another war to cover.
Always another tragedy.

You used to have a lot more faith in me
than this.

You're right.

I guess I just want to have some faith
in us for a change.

I'm going to take a walk.

I'm not going to stray into any
dangerous neighborhoods. I just want a

clear my head.

I look like an old school mom wearing
these things.

You look beautiful in wearing anything.

She was getting ready to leave you,
wasn't she?

I said she was getting ready to leave
you.

No. Yes, she was.

I've seen enough. I don't want to see
anymore.

It's not about seeing, Tom.

It's about understanding.

About recognizing the destructive
patterns in one's own behavior.

Must be excruciatingly painful,
remembering all those last little

How do you know all this? Well, that's
the trick, isn't it?

How confusing the beams from memory's
lamp.

What's the secret of the trick?

How did I get old so quick?

I've seen enough. Make it stop.

I said, I've seen enough. Make it stop.

Give me the negatives.

Thank you.

What is it you're so afraid of?

Why are you doing this to me?

Answer me.

I'm doing it because it's my job.

There's no greater truth.

There is always a greater truth.

Not this time, Tom.

I'm sorry. Believe me, I wish it were
true.

In some ways, I'm not much different
than you.

I'm just a pawn whose job is to break
down other pawns.

Why me?

Why go to all this trouble?

You're a test case.

That's why they're pulling out all the
tricks.

They want to see how much an operative
can take.

I am not one of their operatives. Aren't
you?

No. You seem awfully sure about
yourself.

Well, I don't work for them. You do.

Why don't you tell me about Hidden
Agenda?

It's not my department.

So what is your department?

Memories, dreams, reflections.

You see, I was very good at this sort of
thing before I ever went to work for

them. The leading authority in my field.

So why this particular memory?

How could you possibly know?

That's my special gift.

Knowing.

I use refractive light.

trigger off an advanced hypnotic state.

With these tools, I'm able to root out
the most painful, the most deeply

secrets.

That's why at one time they wanted me
almost as badly as they want you.

Why not give them what they want, Tom?

Believe me, it's not so bad.

It's not who I am.

Oh.

You want to remain who you are?

All right, then look in the mirror.

That's who you are, Tom.

Go ahead, look.

No.

You know you can't stop what's already
happened from happening again.

You want to be who you are so badly.

You want to see how it's already cost
you the one great love of your life?

Go ahead.

Look. No, I am not going to lose her
again.

I'll leave your papers and all the phone
numbers in the lockbox.

Are you listening to me?

You sure you have to leave tomorrow?

Yes, I'm sure.

Please, Tom, don't make this more
difficult than it already is. I'm not

it difficult. I'd just like to be here
when you leave.

Let's just stick to the plan that we
already have, okay?

I'll call you as soon as I get back to
the apartment in Chicago.

You know, I would be lying if I
didn't...

I don't want you to leave, Laura.

We're leaving at approximately the same
time. Yeah, I'll be back in two days.

And then you'll leave again.

And again.

And all the while, I'm supposed to wait
in some hotel or some release apartment,

praying that nothing happens to you,
praying for your safe return so that I

go through the same agonizing process
all over again. It doesn't have to be

way. I mean, we can make some real
changes. When?

When you get back from taking photos of
some IRA bomb factory... Tom, we've been

through this before. Please.

I don't want to fight. Not now.

Here you go.

Come with me to the airport. Just see my
flight off.

I can't, Tom.

I have my own ticket to pick up.

Go, you'll miss your flight.

I will talk when I get back to Chicago.

I love you.

I love you too.

You know that.

Try to stop it from happening all over
again.

That's it right there.

What's going on up there?

Probably a roadblock.

Must have got a tip about another bomb.

Don't you worry, we'll make a flight
with time to spare.

I want you to take me back.

What? I want you to take me back into
the city.

I thought you had a two o 'clock flight
to make. I don't care about the flight.

Just take me back to my apartment.

Go to the bus.

Sweet mother of mercy.

Keep going.

What are you talking about?

I'm a photographer.

I don't care if you're the Virgin
herself.

I'm not going down that street.

Hey!

Hey! I want to blow your other bag!

Haha.

It didn't have to happen, did it?

No.

But if you could change that one moment,
you would, wouldn't you?

Yes.

Then change the future, Tom.

Take responsibility for your actions.

I just, I should never have left her.

But you had to have your pictures,
didn't you?

You had to have your great pursuit of
the truth.

That's good.

Good, you see that now.

You've suffered enough now, Tom.

You've learned your lesson.

Don't drag it out any longer.

You see, if you don't cooperate, I have
to put you through this whole thing all

over again.

The rest of your life becomes an endless
loop of this one event.

By the fourth or fifth time through, the
only way out becomes insanity.

I don't want to see anymore.

Then give me the negatives.

See, we're talking about a picture, Tom.

Another worthless picture that in the
end doesn't change anything.

Doesn't have one iota of the importance
Laura had for you.

I don't have any. I don't have them
here.

Are they nearby?

Yes.

Thank you.

Pat, pick it up.

It won't bite you.

That's amazing, isn't it?

A one little hunk of metal can come
between you and your entire life.

Why do you want me to have this?

Because I want you to understand it for
what it is.

It doesn't have any magical powers, Tom.

It's not any recorder of any great
truths.

And you of all people should know that.

I was just a shutterbug.

What's that?

I was just a shutterbug.

Yes, exactly.

That's exactly what I want you to
understand.

Oh, no, no. Don't do that.

Tom, no.

Kurt, walk.

You okay?

Uh -huh.

Hey, do you want me to fix you a cup of
tea or something? No, I'm fine. I

just... What's the matter?

I just want you to know something.

Okay.

No matter what I said before.

No matter what happens... Hey, listen.

Nothing is going to happen to us.

No, let me finish.

I want you to know that your pursuit of
the truth, your sometimes relentless

pursuit of the truth, even though I hate
it sometimes, I think it's the noblest

quality you have.

It's the reason I love you so much.

What happened?

Where were you?

Tom?

Saw something didn't you what did you
see what did you see

I?

Saw the truth no

Thank you.

I want you to know that your pursuit of
the truth, I think it's the noblest

quality you have.

It's the reason I love you so much.