All language subtitles for my_boys_s03e07_facebook_the_past

Well, I am officially friends with the
Dalai Lama. What? How are you friends

with the Dalai Lama? On Facebook.
They're Facebook friends.

Dil, why would he be friends with you?
Because I'm enlightened.

Boo. I gotta ask him to join my mob. I
don't understand what's going on. It

seems like everyone today exists in two
realities. The real world. He's talking

about mob wars. It's this game on
Facebook. And the virtual one.

Yeah, see, I don't get Facebook. Well,
Kenny's obsessed.

I'm not obsessed. I just need Bobby to
join my crew so me, him, and the llama

can rob a liquor store.

You gotta join. Being part of a social
network is de rigueur these days.

De rigueur. It means obligatory.

Merriam -Webster, word of the day
calendar. What up?

I'll admit it. I was wrong.

He loves it. All I did was give a
starving man bread, you know?

Hey. Hey, Andy. Hey, you haven't
responded to my mob request yet.

With you guys, plus the llama, plus
Mexican Freddy, I can finally be the

Blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee.

What? That's what it sounded like to me.

Andy, you're on Facebook?

Meredith had me join it for this family
reunion thing, but honestly, I never

really checked it. Join my mob. No.

Check your profile, Andy. I sent you a
really funny video of a cat sneezing.

That video was so funny, wasn't it? My
friend Matt sent it to me. He always has

the funniest videos.

You know what? I'm getting together with
him this weekend. I'll see if he has

anything new.

PJ having plans means guys night out,
huh?

Yowza!

No women, no curfew. We finally get to
do whatever we want.

Poker? Done.

You know, Bobby, you should really
rethink this whole Facebook thing.

I don't know. Would I have to join
Kenny's mob?

You can always ignore him. That's what I
do.

Join my mob. No.

You know what, Bobby? Some people use it
for stupid stuff, but it's actually a

good way to keep up with your family and
your friends.

Yes, Andy, you could post some pictures
of my niece and nephew.

Or you could come over and play with
them.

I will.

They're always sticky.

That's so derriere.

No, it's not.

You know, I'm constantly updating my
Facebook status. If you were on, you'd

what's up with me. Like, what does it
say now?

That I'm at Crowley's. See?

You certainly wouldn't want to miss that
scoop.

All right, a guy from Mike's high school
posted a video of him as the major

general in their production of Pirates
of Penzance.

Free booze for the first person who
provides a laptop.

Oh, I love that.

Leave the cup, baby, there's no time.

How you doing?

Why do you hurt me?

You know, you're pretty good.

Really? Of course not. You're horrible.

How did you get the lead?

It was a small, all -boys school. There
were only like 40 kids in the class.

Even so.

I'm just glad they didn't show the video
of my production of Annie.

I looked awful in that perm.

Hey, guys, what's going on, man? I got
this update saying Kenny's witnessing a

train wreck?

Oh, my God.

I know, right?

Brando, how do you have 700 friends?

Dude, they're not real friends. I mean,
they're potential customers.

I wouldn't even be on Facebook if it
wasn't for the club.

There are so many women.

Hot women.

One could even say a myriad hot women.

All right.

admit it this facebook thing's pretty
great got me back in touch with my

fifth grade class yeah it definitely
makes the world a smaller place i'm just

not so sure that's a good thing well it
is for my class we're having a reunion

who has a reunion for fifth grade fifth
grade was the best i had my first

girlfriend erin radabaugh she was
popular from a good family she's the one

got away from fifth grade she had an
atari and a trampoline

Diana Kale had an above -ground pool.

It's hard to let somebody go who has
kick -ass stuff.

Yeah. Oh, God. I remember when you broke
up with Matt. Dude, I was so pissed.

Yeah.

He had the first PlayStation.

Wait, Matt the Facebook guy? Yeah. You
dated him? Oh, yeah, but in college.

I thought you dated Thorne in college.

You are allowed to have more than one
boyfriend in college.

It's not the 40s.

Dude, don't even be jealous, man. Matt
was freshman year. I mean, Thorne, he

the true love of her life. Yeah.

Remember when Thorne came around last
year and she got all googly -eyed and

almost took him to Italy?

Ah, don't be jealous.

You know, it's funny because then she
ended up taking me to Italy, so I'm

actually not jealous.

Good. It's cool. You guys can have your
virtual friends. I am quite fine with

my... Real ones.

Yeah, Matt's not snuffleupagus. She's
actually having dinner with him.

would never let me go out to dinner with
an ex -girlfriend. Yep, I gotta keep

this Aaron Radabaugh thing on the QT.

Bobby, honestly, you would love Matt.

I mean, he's hilarious.

Oh, the video that he posted about the
kid with the hiccups?

So funny.

You know what? It's fine. I don't have
to love the guy. And by the way, posting

a funny video does not make you funny.
But he is funny. Like, really funny.

Yeah, and extremely handsome.

Okay, but is he rich?

Guys, come on, give me a little
something here.

Kenny,

I

didn't need a status update before you
went to the bathroom, and I certainly

don't need one telling me how it went.
My life is an open book.

Close it.

Four Mexican samurai shops. Yeah.

Have you ever tried a Japanese
bullfighter? No, what's in that?

The exact same stuff. I just like my
name for it better.

I'll bring these right over to you.
Thanks, Brendan.

You got it, Veronica.

Have you ever tried a Japanese
bullfighter?

Hey, Brendan, do you know her?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She comes in here
quite a bit. She's a scout for some

record company.

Dibs.

You can't call dibs.

Why not?

Because she's not a Twinkie.

Well, then how do I know if she's off
limits?

You could ask.

Okay. Uh, Brendan, have you staked your
claim, sir?

You just have to make this difficult,
don't you? Look, you know, I've talked

her a few times. I'm just starting to
know her.

Starting to know her? Dude, she's
probably one of your Facebook friends.

check her profile.

You'll know everything you need to know
about her. That's icky. That's lazy.

That's Mike.

Look, I don't need Facebook, all right?
I do my own night work.

Okay. Just so we're clear here, you're
okay that we both go after the same girl

at the same time, and you're not going
to use modern technology?

Oh, absolutely.

The epic struggle of man versus machine.

This should be a show in the History
Channel.

Dude, this is so over. I don't know the
name of her first goldfish while you're

still trying to figure out her last
name.

It's Jones.

Man one, machine zero.

So, I finally joined Facebook.

I know.

I accepted you as a friend.

Yeah, yeah. Well, it turns out I'm not
alone. It turns out I have a lot of

company. Like, a lot of your ex
-boyfriends.

Like, Matt and Thorne and... Oh, why are
you in a word twist game with Hank?

Okay, but what are you talking about?
You were snooping through my friends?

That's not snooping. That's what you're
supposed to do.

And you're friends with...

All of your exes. You collect them like
Hummel figurines. So?

So that's weird.

That's why I said Hummel figurines.

I mean, we're just Facebook friends.

Oh, really?

Really? Because you're about to go out
with Hilarious Matt, who, according to

his update, is contemplating his second
cookie?

Facebook is great at bringing people
together. Babe, he's just a friend.

Oh, yeah, who's constantly sending you
virtual beignets and green chili. I

mean... Why do you even need to go out
to dinner?

It can also push people apart.

So, Bobby doesn't want you going out to
dinner with Matt.

Well, I mean, he's not thrilled about
it. Or that I'm friends with any of my

-boyfriends. This is all Facebook's
fault.

Everybody knows too much about each
other. I mean, I really don't need to

about Andy's upcoming dinner with the
gang from St.

Aloysius.

I mean, Matt is just a friend, you know?
It is an innocent dinner.

I know.

But is it really worth fighting over?

I mean, not really.

But on the other hand, you haven't done
anything wrong.

So what if he's an ex -boyfriend? You're
right.

I mean, you're friends with your ex
-boyfriends, right?

Only the ones that don't have
girlfriends that made them stop being

me. See?

That's not right.

I take it as a compliment.

Yeah, I used to DJ for 107 .3. The heavy
metal station? Yeah, I had the 5 o

'clock drive.

Huh, I've never gotten into heavy metal.
Really? Oh.

How about getting high and playing D &D?

No?

Okay. Hey, guys.

Hey. Hey.

We're all here at the same time. What a
synchronism.

You remember Mike?

Yeah, my new Facebook friend.

Yeah, it's great to see you again.

Are you from Idaho?

Yeah, how did you, did you, you mean...

Oh, I totally forgot I was wearing this
today.

Really?

I'm from Idaho.

That's crazy.

That's like kismet. Yeah, two spuds
meeting up in the big city. What are the

odds? None.

Mike, remind me again, where in Idaho
are you from?

Boise.

Pocatello. That's crazy. We're like
neighbors.

Well, I mean, it's a four -hour drive.

Sure, yeah. Yeah, it's all relative to
Chicago, though.

You know what? I'm going to buy you a
drink.

Maybe we'll have it in the cocktail.

And I'm going to have... Do

you make...

Boise? Trust me. Shot in the dark.

50 -50 chance you said Portland.

I'm still not worried.

Terminator, Battlestar Galactica,
Terminator 2.

History teaches us man always wins out
in the end. You know that's not history,

right? Only history that matters.

Hey. Hey, Bobby. We're still doing guys
night, right? Yeah, we are. Because PJ's

still going to dinner with Matt. Oh,
handsome Matt.

Are you still jealous?

I never was.

All right, you guys. Can I ask you a
question?

Are you still friends with your ex
-girlfriend?

Um, no. Not really.

Okay, fine.

But just because the romance part
doesn't work out, don't you still like

people? Um, no, not really.

Maybe it's a girl thing.

What does that mean?

I don't know. It just seems like a lot
more women stay friends with their exes

than guys do.

But doesn't the number have to be the
same?

Unless there's one very sensitive guy
out there who's broken up and stayed

friends with thousands of women.

That dude's had a lot of lunches. Oh,
he's done some cat -sitting. That dude

sat through a lot of strangers'
weddings.

Oh, this guy makes me sad.

Yeah, exactly. So why would you want me
to be friends with all my exes? It's not

that. It's just... If you cut all these
other women out of your life, who's to

say you're not going to do the same to
me? But you're not breaking up. No, but

if we did, Bobby wouldn't still be
friends with me.

He would, right?

I don't know.

Dude, I can't believe you just said
that. Man, it's like, would you move on

ever died?

The answer's always no.

Yo, you're taking forever with those
drinks there, Slick. I gotta go anyway.

You sure? Yeah. I'm sure I'll see you
soon, though.

Later, Brendan.

Oh, by the way, that color looks great
on you, Mike.

Oh, well, purple's my favorite color.

Me too!

That's crazy.

Score one for the machine.

I'm flying.

Riddle me this, machine.

Portland, Maine, or Oregon?

It's a trick question. Neither.

Man, I can't believe Mike's going to
win.

Gotta give it to him, though. He really
has been doing his research.

I just felt like I needed to learn more
about this underappreciated culture, and

that's when I decided to go on my first
spirit walk.

What's up, guys? Hey.

Your friend Mike knows so much about my
culture.

Did you know I was half Blackfoot?

Really? Yeah. Well, you guys probably
just haven't gotten there yet.

Oh, hey, Veronica, did you know that
Sherman Alexie's gonna be reading at the

public library soon?

Oh! Oh, my God. He's my favorite author.

Get out of town. Me, too.

No, seriously.

What's your favorite book? Oh, so many
to choose from. I would probably say The

Lone Ranger and Tonto Fistfight in
Heaven.

Oh, my God. Don't you love it? Love?

Why can't you work this hard at the
store?

Thanks, Mike. I totally would have
missed a reading.

Brendan, do you want to go with me?

Me? Him?

Yeah. You said you and your mom trade
books back and forth. Him?

I thought it was sweet.

Or we could do something else. No, no,
no, no. That sounds like fun.

Great. We'll talk.

Okay. Bye, Mike.

Him?

Me.

Mr. and Mrs. America and all the ships
at sea, that's Morse code for you didn't

get the girl.

A tooth to the winner. Yeah.

But I'm a machine.

I know, buddy.

I know.

Look, man, I talked to her for a while,
and Veronica and I actually have a lot

in common.

But we're both from Idaho.

No, you're not.

Hey, how about I get the next round,
huh?

Thanks.

Don't worry about it, pal.

I'm sure there's somebody out there for
you.

Hey, I got a status update.

Make sure you wash your hands. Okay.

Is this seat taken?

No, help yourself.

I'm Laura.

Hi, I'm Mike. Hi.

Hey, 2L Rally, that's where I work. No
way.

Really? Really.

What a synchronism.

Hey, I know what that means.

Well.

Grab a seat.

Thanks. Do you want something to drink?

Scotch on the rocks.

I think I'm in love.

Me too.

Matt just had the best paella ever.

How you doing, buddy? I'm just fine.

Paella? It must be at that Spanish
restaurant right next to that hot tub

You can rent those by the hour, right?
Nothing like making love on a belly full

of rice.

I feel like that's actually Spain's
motto, isn't it?

This is the life, right? Just a bunch of
guys playing poker.

Yeah, this is what it's going to be like
right after PJ dumps Bobby for Matt.

I can't wait.

You're still playing.

Jump in.

Can't. We're practicing for life without
PJ.

And you're PJ.

What are you talking about? Taking
sides.

We're not taking sides.

If they break up, we might have to.
You're not going to stay friends with

I choose PJ.

What? Come on.

Wait, why are we doing this?

And what if I don't want Mike?

It's guys night stuff.

You in or you out?

All right, I'm in.

Wow, so we're really going to divvy you
guys up, huh?

Okay, fine. I'll take Andy. No, he's my
bro.

Okay. I take Kenny.

Okay. Then I get Brando. Last pick?

No, wait. Okay, I'm going to trade Kenny
and Mike for Brando. I don't want to

get Brando up. But why? He lives with
me. He has a room here.

Does anybody else feel like it's 1987
and the judge is making you choose

Mommy's house or Daddy's new condo?

Pete's finding out that Mike and I equal
one Brandon. You know what? This has

actually become ridiculous now. It would
never come to this. It will if you

don't stay friends with her. No, because
guess who just became Facebook friends

with... Four ex -girlfriends. Oh, that's
great.

That makes me really happy.

You guys are weird.

Yeah, and it was actually really fun
catching up with them. You were right. I

don't know, there's something really
nice about, you know, reconnecting with

past.

Stay away from elementary school
reunions. Seen the old gang didn't go so

huh? Found out I've been living a lie.

Really? Yeah, times out.

Chris Morgan was the king of recess,
Josh Brager was the smart one, and

thought Aaron Rodabaugh was their first
girlfriend.

This whole Facebook thing has just been
more trouble than it's worth.

Dude, it's like I said before.

I'm not so sure that making the world a
smaller place is such a good thing. It's

true. You know, I've successfully
narrowed my world to just this, and I'd

to keep it that way.

Well, I'm over Facebook, too. I didn't
hook up with one chick over it.

You met Laura?

Yeah, but not because of that. She was
just hanging out at Brendan's club.

Hey, did you know she's also a giant fan
of Ted Nugent? It's crazy, right?

You know that wasn't just serendipitous.

What? You'll get there, buddy.

All right, Bobby, pretend PJ's not here.
Are you really happy to have all these

ex -girlfriends back in your life?

I think so. I'm actually having coffee
with my high school girlfriend, Suzanne.

Suzanne, huh?

Yeah, yeah, she's in town for the
weekend. She actually works at the White

now. The one down the street? The one in
Washington.

Better.

Anyway, she speaks like four languages
now. It's crazy.

Wow. Wow.

So that's really cool. You made an old
friend a new friend.

You know who also made an old friend a
new friend? Erin Rotterbaum. She left

reunion with Jerry Pasquale.

I had to drive her husband home.

Nice guy.

Holy mother.

This is Suzanne?

Dude.

Ooh. How do you say hot in four
languages?

That's Suzanne?

Is she the deputy secretary of Yowza?

Why would you ever break up with her?
How you doing, buddy?

I'm fine.

So is she married now?

No. I think she's still single.

So I just call the White House and ask
for Suzanne?

Yeah. Bobby, again, pretend PJ's not
here. No, no. Very much here. Yeah,

come on. Let's show some sensitivity.

Bobby still has dibs on Suzanne.

Well, she'd be a fool not to want you.
You're looking good these days, and I'm

saying that as a man and a friend.

And a weirdo. I wonder what language she
makes love in.

All right, all right. I know what you
guys are doing.

Does not bother me. Will it bother you
when Bobby boulez -vous couches avec

Suzanne? You know what you said?

No, but you know what I meant.

Ugh, all of a sudden, my distant virtual
friends are looking better than my real

ones. Yeah, you can always de -friend
those guys.

You're stuck with us.

Am I, though?

I'm thinking about breaking up with
Bobby just to see how this whole thing

shakes out.

Speaking of virtual friends, the Dalai
Lama dumped me.

Did he find out you're not the same
Kenny Moritori he went to high school

It's all right. He'll be in my mob in my
next life.

Kenny, you do realize you weren't really
friends with the Dalai Lama. And Mike's

not really friends with Scotty Pippin.
He wouldn't know me if I sat next to him

in a bar.

But I do know he had Brussels sprouts
with dinner last night.

All right, guys. What do you say we
actually play some poker? Reveal them

Oh, hey, Matt is single.

Let's hook up Suzanne and Matt.

Ooh, I don't think Matt is attractive
enough for Suzanne.

Bam! Yowza.

It can be a lot of fun having virtual
friends, but nothing beats the real