All language subtitles for mr_sunshine_s01e12_cohen_and_donovan

crystal you wanted to see me there's
some kind of emergency i spoke on a

this morning at a women in business
breakfast oh god well okay we'll get in

touch with our pr people we'll shoot
emails out to our lawyers and we'll call

the newspapers and remind them how much
money you gave to the panda house

without reminding them what you did in
the panda house with any luck no one

ever know what you said i said nothing
oh god what did you do All the other

businesswomen on the panel answered
questions about their dynamic jobs and

the important things they do with their
days. I realized I had nothing to

contribute. Other than this meeting with
you, I have absolutely nothing on my

schedule. Crystal, you're very important
here. You may not involve yourself in

some of the little stuff, but you're
like the queen.

Keep talking.

The Queen is very powerful.

Everyone loves her. She's the most
important person in England, and all she

all day is raise corgis and drink gin.

I do like to cuddle with a bottle of
gin.

See? Your schedule's filling up already.

Now, if there's nothing else, I've got
to prepare for a leadership event today.

Leadership event?

Yes, the one I've been talking about for
months, the all -star leadership tour,

a four -star general, a Hall of Fame
basketball coach, and a corporate CEO,

on one stage talking about leadership.

They banter, they go deep, they give
real life lessons.

And companies pay thousands of dollars
for their employees to attend.

Sounds intriguing.

Tell me more.

There is no more. I just told you the
whole thing.

Oh, now I remember.

They all have bestsellers. You gave me
their books to read. Yes, I did.

Did you read them? I did. When I ran out
of my sleepy juice, they really did the

job. Oh, remind me to cross the border
tomorrow to get more sleepy juice.

Yes, my queen.

So, are you excited about our trip to
Cabo? Are you kidding me? I've got my

bathing suit on underneath this. See?

Whoa!

Save it for Mexico, you crazy lovebirds.

No, she's got her bathing suit on under
there.

That's nuts!

Because these pants, they're actually my
pajamas.

Looks cozy, my man.

Okay, so you guys are all ready for your
weekend getaway. Um, car's gonna come

in two hours, flight's on time, and...
Oh, Alice, all you have is a quick

contract signing with beverage people.

And all I have to do is take a picture
with this guy who won our Meet Alonzo

Pope halftime contest yesterday.

Wow, we're gonna get some better
contests.

What? No, no.

I brought some welcome gifts for the
leaders when they arrive.

They're not from another planet, Roman.

I just, I don't fully understand what's
happening.

It's not that complicated. Three of the
most powerful, charismatic leaders in

their fields crisscrossing the country
for the last three months.

Fighting crime.

Imparting their wisdom about leadership.

Oh, I am really excited.

These are really impressive men. Are
those pajama bottoms?

Yeah, but you can't tell.

Gentlemen, Ben Donovan.

It is an incredible honor to have all of
you here. The honor's all mine.

Oh, thank you, sir.

I'm pulling your short hair, son.

I couldn't want to be here less, and I
slept on the frozen dirt in Bosnia.

Well, I once went to Coachella and wore
shorts at night, so, you know, I know

where you're coming from.

Next time, if you want a stupid red
sweater, talk to Coach Billy.

Apparently, that's all he owns.

That's my trademark.

I'm a simple man who knows how to win.

A simple man who spent two hours
straddling a jacuzzi jet at the hotel

night. Yeah, I saw you. Yeah, it was
pretty weird that you were looking. I

like you. I don't like you. I hate these
guys.

Well, looks like we'll have a very
pleasant afternoon in the green room.

If you'll follow me, we'll get you all
settled.

Okay. I will get on the phone with our
idiot booker and find out what we're

dealing with. In the meantime, just stay
with them. And if one of them goes to

hit the other one, just step in front of
it. Okay.

But I need your help, too.

There's some SPF 45 sunscreen in my top
left drawer. Make sure Alice doesn't get

on that plane without it. I'm not going
to do that.

Okay.

Heather, can you get me Andy at American
Promotions?

You got it, boss.

That's right.

Crystal Cohen.

Get used to talking to me because I will
be joining Ben Donovan in the day -to

-day operations of this arena.

I could have told you she was here.

But the look on your face is just so
priceless.

Thanks. You're a fun kid.

Mr.

Sunshine Day.

No, no. I said two.

Pastrami sandwiches, a diet cola, and
your biggest pickle.

Great. We'll be in touch.

What are you doing?

Ordering deli.

Oh, I'm sorry. Did you want a black and
white cookie?

No. I mean, yes, but in the larger
sense.

What are you doing?

Oh, well, I thought about being queen,
and at the end of the day, it just

seemed, I don't know, a little old
Europe.

I want to do something with my days,
Benjamin. I want to contribute.

Let's roll up our sleeves. Let's get our
hands dirty. Let's make a difference in

this crazy town called the world.

Can we make a difference in this crazy
town called the world tomorrow? I'm a

little jammed up today. That's perfect.
I can help you. I need to feel useful. I

want to do some real work.

Cohen Donovan.

Oh, we're like an 80s cop show.

Ben, we have a fire to put out in the
green room.

Well, what is it?

Let's do this. Oh, no, no, no, no.

If something happened, I couldn't risk
losing us both. We're Cohen and Donovan.

Ben, I want to be part of this. And I
want you to be part of it, too. But what

really need is for you to be part of
whatever Alice is doing.

It's vital.

Alice, Crystal is joining your meeting.

What? It's vital. Thanks, partner.

Let's do this.

Let's do business things.

Hey, how are you doing?

I'm Crystal Cohen. I own this place.
Everything you see is mine.

What the hell? What the hell?

Ben, thank God. What do I do? What do I
do? The fire extinguisher. Right, right.

Any more bright ideas, boss?

Honestly, what is the matter with you?

What happened?

And where are the other leaders?

Coach Billy didn't like the smoke from
my cigar, and General Tompkins was a

little put out. It came from Cuba.

And it didn't bother you that you were
sitting two feet away from a fire that

you started?

The boy in the pajamas seemed to have it
under control.

Okay, as we discussed, five years of
exclusive use of your products with

appropriate signage throughout the
arena. So if everything is to your

we'll just need a couple of signatures.

Everything seems to be in order.

Does it?

Let's take a closer look.

No, no, Crystal, this deal is already
worked out.

We're all happy. We're on a beach in
Mexico.

That's an expression.

It means I'm happy.

Now, I'm not saying you're trying to
steal from us, though this one looks

he, in a different time and place, used
the term, keeps the car running.

But you've got to admit, there is a lot
of legal mumbo -jumbo here.

Our lawyers drew up these contracts.

Oh, then it should all be fine. It's
been a pleasure. Work is fun.

You know, Mr. Cohen made me a little
uneasy.

Would you go over these contracts with
me one more time?

Well, I just talked to the booker, and
apparently these guys are maniacs.

They're on the last leg of their tour,
and they're ready to kill each other.

It's like Metallica all over again. That
band was so rude.

Yeah, well, they misunderstood.

So, no, I'm the bad guy.

Anyway, let's just not do anything to
set them off. If we get them anything,

just make sure it's equal.

Are you done with that?

Almost. Great, thanks.

Okay, so they'll all speak for the exact
same amount of time, the order of which

will be determined by a coin flip, and
the chairs will be exactly the same.

There's no mama bear.

What the hell does that mean?

You know, not too hard, not too soft.

What is that from?

It's a literary reference to a
children's book.

Why would you think I would know that?

Ooh.

We're coming back to this.

That was awesome.

General, what are you doing?

You can't shoot in here. It's a public
building.

I'm not sure that's a law, but you can't
smoke in here, so you probably can't

shoot in here. Benjamin?

Oh, my God, that's all I need.

Roman, please do not supply the general
with any more cans of orange soda.

Boy, the things you find yourself
saying.

Crystal, how are you? Let's walk and
talk, but let's walk and talk this way.

I've had the most productive morning. I
set Alice on the right course with her

negotiations, and I had time to do some
of what I do best, deals.

Oh, God.

Oh, and scrunch that forehead, partner.
You know that odd little building across

the street?

The church? Well, they have always had a
bug up their butt about expanding and

acquiring our north parking lot. I
initiated negotiations to sell it to

a very handsome price.

Well, we need the north parking lot so
people can, you know, park.

They can take the choo -choo.

Choo -choo? You know what I really want
to do? I want to help with the event

today. How's that going? What can I do?
You know, I think I've got everything

handled down here for tonight. But why
don't we talk about it upstairs?

Did you hear that? Hear what? Yeah.

Alonzo, you've got to take Crystal off
my hands.

Ben, I would love to help, but I got
that guy coming for the photo op, and

Alice and I are going to Mexico.

She already has her bathing suit on.

Yeah, I know. She showed me. She showed
everyone.

Yeah? She's not a shy girl.

Can you just take Crystal for a half an
hour so I can figure out something else

for her to do?

She's got this thing today where she
wants to feel valued.

Fine. Maybe she can help me take the
picture.

Great.

So, what are you two going to do in
Mexico?

Yeah, I'm going to go.

Okay, one more.

Ah, Crystal, I think we got it. Okay,
this time...

No smiles.

Quiet intensity.

Hopeful, but scared.

Alonzo, give me a sense of
effervescence. Don't show it to me. I

hidden effervescence. Okay, let's do
this, people.

No, no, no. Guys, it's getting sloppy.
Come on.

Pull it together.

Russell, Junior. Crystal, really, I
don't want to hold these good people up.

you kidding?

It's not every day you get a chance to
hang out with Alonzo Post.

It's been a thrill for me, too, guys.

What are you talking about? It doesn't
have to end. Take them to lunch. What?

No. I mean, I'd love to, but I have a
thing, so maybe some other time.

Lunch with Alonzo Pope?

Doesn't seem like he wants to, son.

Okay, maybe for just a quick bite. Or a
long one.

Go!

Enjoy your meal with an NBA hero!

I missed the shot.

Sunshine Center.

Yeah, I don't know who that is.

I know you took it.

Tell me where my sweater is.

What stupid red sweater?

See, I told you they're fighting and
they're in the gun somewhere in this

I'm not going on stage without my red
sweater.

Oh, no. Who's going to impart the
homespun wisdom that a cornfield is like

team? It's a metaphor for working
together. It makes no sense. Corn

together. I want my sweater.

You know, I have this thing upstairs.

It's a cable knit with a belt. I think
it would look really smart on you.

Really?

Sounds nice.

Well, it is nice. Does that sweater
smell like turd, too? Because they won't

wear it unless it smells like turd. I
will see what I can do.

I'm going to see what I can do.

Please, let's go to Cabo right now.

I can't. Ben made me babysit Crystal,
and now I'm going to be here all day and

night. Are you kidding me?

Ben didn't want Crystal to screw up
anything for him, so now we can't go on

trip?

Crystal, have you seen Ben? Why?

Did he ask you to babysit me, too? I'm
not allowed to babysit in the state of

California. I need to find him. The fire
inspector's here. The fire inspector?

I reported the fire.

I thought it was just in a trash can.

If people are going to report me, I'm
going to report them.

Do you know how excited I was about this
trip? Look, I'm wearing my bathing suit

right now. Yeah, I know. You showed it
to me. You showed it to everyone else,

too. It's a weird thing to do, by the
way. You're weird. That's good.

Look, this was my anniversary, and you
ruined it. And I wonder if you didn't do

it on purpose.

Once? I would never do something like
that.

Would you do something like that to me?

No. Well, then I am going to stop making
this face.

Pull her right back. Yeah, I think you
should.

Look, I'm sorry that I ruined your
vacation, but I've got a million dollars

ticket sales riding on whether Coach
Billy likes this weird belted sweater

I'm fairly sure is for a husky woman.

You're a husky woman. What is the matter
with you?

Heather, do you know where Crystal is?
She's still with Alonzo, right? She

me not to tell you what she's doing or
who she's with.

Okay, let's make a deal. You tell me
where Crystal is, and remember how much

you've always wanted to sketch me?

Don't say it unless you mean it.

I mean it.

Crystal's with the fire inspector.

Oh, my God. Do you know what a tight ass
that guy is?

See you tonight.

Bring two outfits.

One sporty, one sophisticated.

And not that.

Oh, this is not mine. I would never. I
would never. Not in this color.

Well, there's no damage. The alarm and
the sprinklers are still intact, and you

seem to be in full compliance with fire
and safety calls.

Why does everything you say sound dirty,
Jeff?

But we do have a problem.

You missed your last inspection.

Got to the chase, fireman. What's it
going to take?

I hope you're not suggesting what I
think you're suggesting.

You do realize I can shut you down?

You do realize I'm the most powerful
woman in San Diego, right?

I had two mayors elected and a third
impeached, and I can tell you all their

faults, politically and sexually.

Jeff, how's it going?

Is she hazing you? She does that to all
the big shots that come through the

arena. Last year was the Dalai Lama.

She lifted up his skirt, tickled his
belly. He really seemed to enjoy it.

Benjamin, I have this.

I appreciate how serious this is.

Is there any way you can give us a one
-week extension? We'll cooperate fully.

Would that work for you?

One week. Oh, Jeff, you're the best.

That's a great tie, by the way. Is it a
clip -on?

Is there a website or a fireman's
catalog? He's gone.

Well, way to tag -team it, partner.

Donovan and Cohen, huh?

Or Cohen and Donovan.

I don't know. It just doesn't feel
right.

No, it looks really good.

Falls nicely on your hips.

Really? Well, that is my trouble spot.

Hey, everybody, it's almost showtime.

I need my coach, I need my general, I
need my CEO.

I am ready to go.

My sweater, where'd you get that?

Easy, Coach Billy. Take the 30 grand
you're making tonight and buy yourself a

new one. Wait a minute, you're making
30?

I'm making 25.

25? I'm getting 10 and a ride to the
airport.

You're getting a ride to the airport?

Uh -oh.

crystal can i talk to you i could have
handled it he was going to shut us down

can you stop doing that it relaxes me
you made a fool of me today and not just

in front of the fire inspector all day
long you pawned me off and pretended to

give me jobs i came to you asking to do
something real to be part of what you do

and this is how you treat me crystal i'm
sorry my hands were full today it's one

event we have like 50 events a year.
300, but go on. At that breakfast

this morning, I felt like I had nothing
to contribute.

But those people were strangers.

And now I find out you feel the same
way.

That is not true. I do not feel that
way. And yet I feel exactly that way.

would never tell you that. And yet I did
just tell you that. Can you please turn

that off?

Almost done.

Oh, here, read this.

Something I want you to think about.

The event is starting in five minutes.
Read it.

I don't have a lot of experience, but I
promise I'll never let you down. That's

very nice, but this is not on -the -job
training.

That was my application letter.

Okay. Everybody panic. The event's in
trouble.

Oh, I'm a clown. I'm a clown?

You want to make this messy? Let's make
this messy. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Leaders,

leaders. Let's all calm down.

Gentlemen, distinguished and very scary
gentlemen, I know we have our issues,

but please listen to me.

This is our owner.

Crystal Cohen, and I am confident that
she can resolve our problems in a fair

and equitable way for everyone.

I won't let you down.

Please don't let me down. Please don't
let me down.

Gentlemen, you three make me sick.

All -star leadership event, my ass.

They should call this the all -star
crybaby event.

Dixie Chicks tomorrow, Dixie Chicks
tomorrow. In fact, why don't we just

this whole event right now?

Fine with me. I don't need it. Neither
do I. None of us do. I do. But you know

who does?

Me. They do.

Those poor rudderless lambs out there,
they don't know where they're going.

Don't deprive them of your leadership.

Don't deprive them of your amazing life
stories. Now, I've read all of your

books.

Michael, your description of a lonely
boy growing up in a small...

Farm in Iowa. Well, you hooked this
reader on page one.

Jen, your acknowledgement page alone
taught me more about leadership than

volumes of Winston Churchill's rambling
snoozebath.

Coach Billy, all I needed was to see
your face on your cover and you could

me anywhere you wanted me to go.

In fact, gentlemen, I can't decide which
one of you I want to climb on top of

first.

Put me in, Coach. We can beat you guys.

Oh, you!

Yeah, it just doesn't make any sense at
all.

But I have to give you credit, partner.

You made all of this happen. I did,
didn't I?

Even though it may be the most boring
event we've ever had.

Yeah.

Crystal, about today... Ben, thank you.
It was very sweet what you did. I know I

can be a bit of a... What's the word?

I am willing to sit in silence forever
until you come up with it on your own.

Handful. There you go.

But you trusted me.

That means a lot. And I learned
something today, Benjamin.

It's nice to be youthful, but I miss
being queen.

Well, Your Highness, I have a rather
large favor to ask of you. I'm afraid I

have more to make up for.

Where is your royal plane?

Good evening and welcome to Crystal Air.

Your flight time to Cabo San Lucas will
be one hour and 45 minutes.

Hey, happy six -month anniversary.

Please, is there anyone left to tell you
on a private plane? Act like you've

been here before.

No, I want to send Ben a thank you for
making this happen. Oh.

Well, I'm glad I arranged that.

You moved.

Now we have to start all over again.