All language subtitles for My Boys s01e17 Dirty Little Secrets

In sports, it's easy when a player goes
pro to lose sight of his love of the

game and get caught up in the money, the
fame, you know, the trappings.

My brother Andy kind of has the opposite
problem.

Solid, right?

Guess how much it costs.

Go ahead, guess. I don't know, 20 bucks?
Guess again. I don't want... Eight.

Andy, you're a lawyer, okay? Maybe you
treat yourself to a nice bag. Not one

from a guy working off a sheet under the
L. Hey, Manny's bags are cheaper and

just as good.

Unless you get them wet and need them to
open all the time.

Namaste, people.

Except for the pajamas.

Not pajamas.

Yoga pants.

I just got back from my yoga class in
Lake Forest.

There's got to be like a billion yoga
classes closer than Lake Forest.

Yeah, but the lonely, rich, beautiful
Lake Forest women are digging Mike Mike.

It is ass soup out there, and I'm the
ladle.

Well... Watch your step, my friend.
There's one thing I learned about being

Texas Chicago bachelor. It's that a lot
of those hot, rich women have hubbies.

Hubbies do not appreciate single guys
hitting on their wives.

Please. I can handle jealous husbands.

I've been doing yoga.

Warrior, too.

Scary, huh?

Yeah. But not in the way you think.

It's a beautiful place. Great wine.

Big salad bar. They bring back these
huge skewers loaded with meat, and they

slice it right onto your plate, and it's
fantastic.

Ah, Medieval Times in Schaumburg. I know
it well.

No, not that place. I'm talking about
Churrascaria. It's a Brazilian barbecue

the Gold Coast. Much classier than
Medieval Times.

Oh? Do they offer a bottomless flagon of
Pepsi?

Hey, since when are you into Brazilian
food?

It's Julie's favorite restaurant.

Yeah, you know, you've been talking
about this Julie girl for a while.

Anyone met her?

Not me.

No. Negative.

What's up with that? Yeah, what are you,
embarrassed by her? Hey, you know, in

Kenny's defense, it can be a little
intimidating to bring a girl around us

the first time. Thank you, Brendan.

Especially if she doesn't exist.

Oh!

Julie exists, okay? She's smart, she's
sweet, she's funny, and no offense to

pregnant Kimmy, but it's nice dating a
girl that isn't renting out her uterus.

So when do we meet her?

Tomorrow. We can all go to Chascaria.
I'll give you a shot.

I'm in. You know what? I can't make it.
I told my roommate, Jeff, I'd help him

paint his room. Yeah, dude, I don't know
if I can make it either, man.

Churroscaria sounds pretty weird. It's
meat, Mike.

All you can eat is stored loads of meat.

Churroscaria!

Dude, I'm pregnant with a meat baby.

I am just saying, set this whole thing
up so she can meet your friends and she

doesn't show up. Come on, it's a little
suspicious.

It's not. Julie's a lawyer. She had to
work late. Andy's a lawyer. He doesn't

work late. Yeah, but I'm not a very good
lawyer.

I have to remember this place.

The salad was yummy.

The salad was yummy.

Is there a problem?

That's all you can eat.

You don't waste space with salad and
bread. You eat the meat to beat the

I should have warned you, Steph. When
Mike eats a lot of red meat, he gets

crazy belligerent energy about him. What
in blazes are you talking about?

Okay, who's ready for a nightcap?

I am. I am. I think Steph and I are
going to opt out. You guys have fun, all

right? Okay. Hang on.

You guys want some protection?

Maybe we should walk him to the car.

It's the Gold Coast, dude. What's going
to happen? A bag of money falls on our

head? Have a good night, guys. Good
night.

Sorry, poopy.

Hey, if you guys run into any problems,
just yell.

We'll yell something back.

Is there any decent bars in this
neighborhood?

Hey, you know, we could go to Plush.

I was there the other night. A couple of
cute little kitty cats recognized me

from the Bachelor article.

When did you become Burt Reynolds?

Yeah, and stop winking. Let's go.

I like to wink. I just want the
toothpick. I can get away with it. Let's

drinky! I love that.

All right, you can only have one type of
meat for the rest of your life. What

would it be? Oh, pizza. Oh, that's a
good one.

I would say B, because you can have it
so many different ways. Bobby? What are

you doing in this part of town?

Hey, guys.

Not much. We were just at this event
thing.

Sorry, this is my buddy John.

This is Mike, Kenny,

Brendan, Andy.

Oh, hey. Oh, are you the Mike who used
to work in the Cubs front office?

Yeah. Yeah, Bobby told me about you. My
brother is Clark.

Your brother is awesome.

I love that bastard.

Sorry, we just ate meat.

How was Clark? He was great, yeah. He
speaks very highly of you.

So where are you guys headed?

Um, well, we were going to grab a drink
at Bobby's. You guys should come up,

yeah? You live here?

No.

Mr. Newman, are you coming in?

Or, or, or, or, or, there is a great bar
right down the street. Come on, we've

never seen you play.

Bet there's spree booze in there, huh?

Yeah. Booze. Hate me. Dumb. Now. Go.

Hey.

I'm just saying, what woman have you
ever known whose favorite food is all

can eat, yeah? Mm -hmm. I seriously
think Kenny made Julia.

Oh, of course he did. What real woman
would ever date Kenny? Oh, come on.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. They're telling
me you're cool.

I think.

It's Monday morning.

I'm totally parked legally.

She's totally parked legally. The car's
not being towed for tickets. It's being

repossessed.

Everything all right, Bobby?

You look a little nervous.

Oh, no, no, I'm fine. It's just, um, you
know... Promise me that what you're

about to see won't change your opinion
of me.

Don't sweat it, buddy. Your place can't
possibly be messier than mine. Hey, you

might have furniture.

I doubt that. Hey, man, don't worry,
okay? We'd never judge you. We don't

if you're rich or... really rich.

Oh, my God. Are you joking me? Look at
this place. Oh, my God. You live in a

museum? What the hell is going on?

Who's that? You.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, thanks, man.

See, I hit a buoy out there once.

That's awesome. Here.

All right.

Trick here is to thread it between that
building and that building.

We'll draw. I can do that.

Slow and slow.

Here we go. Here we go.

Uh -oh.

Damn! I shanked it off the Hancock.

Yeah. Let's pack it up. Yeah.

Okay. We're done. Okay. We're done.

Unbelievable.

Unbelievable.

Either you have an amazing real estate
agent, or I'm seriously misinformed

what reporters make.

Well, I get a bit of a deal. My
grandfather owns the apartment, so...

you seen the bathroom? It's gigantic.

It's got one of those full -on marble
urinals, the big kind.

It's okay if I pee in it, right? Knock
yourself out, man.

Dude, sweet pad, man. You should put
some Cubs posters up. You know, class it

a bit.

Is that an original Cezanne?

Yeah, I think so.

Good eye, Kenny. I read the name.

Hey, why do you have a picture of
President Carter kissing a baby?

Seriously? Dude, who are you? I'm
nobody. I'm nobody. The apartment has

the family for a really long time.

You have a picture with a president.

Okay, okay. Well, we kind of own the
whole building. And a bunch of other

buildings, too. Wait, there's a Newman
Medical Center in Rogers Park.

That's you?

Dude, your family's loaded.

When were you going to tell us?

I don't know. When do you tell people
that kind of stuff? The very second you

meet. Hi, I'm Bobby. Please don't be put
off by my fabulous wealth. I think I

went to college on a Newman Grant.

Thanks. That urinal is seriously like
six feet tall. I couldn't go. It's too

intimidating. All right, urinal.

Let's see what you got.

Challenge. Why is he going?

No one at the bank is answering the
phone.

Well, it's 2 a .m. Maybe they're at
lunch. Oh, my God.

Stephanie, sweetie, I'm sure it's a
mistake, okay?

It's no mistake.

I'm overdrawn. I'm in debt.

Oh.

Well, maybe I can help you out. I can
lend you a little money.

Yeah? Yeah.

Really?

Could you lend me $5 ,000?

You're $5 ,000 in debt? No.

How in debt are you? I don't know if I
should tell you. You freaked out at $5

,000. Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'll
be cool, okay?

I won't freak out.

I'm $22 ,000 in debt. Oh, my God!

Stephanie! Hey, you don't get to freak
out, okay? I'm the one with the problem.

Oh, my God!

P .J., I don't know what I'm going to
do.

Okay, okay, okay.

Okay, listen.

After college, right, I had some
financial problems, too.

You know, it's a long story, and I won't
trouble you with it. But the point is,

I worked my way out of it, and I know
you can, too.

Wow, I never knew.

Oh, yeah. So you were in the same boat?
And I paddled my way out.

And tomorrow, I'll introduce you to my
captain.

He's amazing at being frugal. He will
totally turn your boat around.

Andy?

He's a life raft.

Okay, you have to stop that.

It was great.

I could feel the toxin just melting off,
but I've got to be honest, that last

set of asanas kicked my ass.

There's my husband, Gary.

Hey, sweetie.

This is Mike, my yoga buddy I've been
telling you about.

Oh, this is Mike?

Yeah.

Hey, thank God.

It's just that I keep hearing about Mike
from yoga class, and I was worried you

were some young hot guy, you know, who
just comes to pick up the girls, but...

Whoa, was I way off.

Anyhoo, someone just bought another mall
today.

Are you kidding me? Yeah, right here.

Oh, my gosh. Hey, who wants to come
celebrate?

Huh? Sure.

No, I'm good.

Sure. I gotta go.

Catch my bus.

Missed my train.

His family is incredibly wealthy. Richer
than God.

You should see his apartment. It's huge.
It's got a sick view.

Don't even get me started on that
urinal.

Hey, you all right, buddy? Dark days.

I was at yoga class and this girl's
husband showed up. Did you really let

mat not stretch him?

Dude, I'm not funny.

This dude thought I was a joke. I've
never felt more emasculated in my life.

I've finally been exposed for what I am,
an unemployed chump who hangs around

married women in his pajamas.

Yoga pants.

Pajamas! I got a matching top.

I gotta get a job.

Hey, guys. Hey, money bags.

Well, well, well.

I take it you heard?

Yep. So how long are you gonna grin and
stare at me?

For a little bit. Me too.

But when I look at you, all I think
about is your urinal.

You know, for a small donation, we could
name the baseball team the Bobby

Newmans instead of Steve's Collision.
I'm just saying.

Now, leave him alone. I wouldn't know,
but I'm sure being rich comes with its

own set of problems. Oh, yes.

I want to drive the Red Rolls of the
Blue Bentley today.

It's so difficult to find a decent
helicopter pilot.

Oh, yes.

You guys, believe me, I often wish my
family didn't have all this money, okay?

Money just screws people up.

dad he never held a job he never had a
long -term relationship he's been in and

out of rehab i mean he's a smart guy but
access and entitlement completely

stunted him

Did you have a butler growing up? I
always thought it would be cool to have

butler growing up. Like Arthur, where he
takes care of you when you're drunk?

Like Alfred from Batman?

That would be really cool.

What's Robin Leach?

You guys, as much fun as this is, Jeff
is locked out. I gotta go.

I'll catch you later.

Hey guys, Bob's a rich one. I have a
roommate.

Did any of you guys meet Jeff the other
night? Negative.

Not I.

But we've never met Julie either, so...
Funny.

You know, I scoured that place.

Bobby lives alone.

Think you made him up?

Rich people are bonkers.

Meredith.

In.

Sorry. Habit.

Okay, Stephanie, you're in debt.

It's bad, but we can fix it.

The first step is we have to get you in
touch with a debt counselor.

His name is Lance, and he's great. He
got Meredith back on track and saved our

marriage, which, in retrospect, may have
been an opportunity missed.

We also have to make sure you don't
accrue any more debt.

You know how we do this? Cut up my
credit cards?

Yeah. Oh, I bought a new pair just for
the occasion.

Tough crowd.

Okay.

No more shopping.

No more magazine subscriptions.

No more cable TV. No trip to Italy.

What?

No!

Believe it or not, that's not helping.

Andy, let's just put a pin in Italy, and
Stephanie and I will deal with that one

later, okay?

Fine. Pin in Italy, because here's the
big one.

You have to give up this apartment.

What? The rent is way too high. You
can't afford it. You don't need it. You

don't know what I need. I know you don't
need 50 pairs of shoes, weekly

manicures, a $40 ,000 car.

I know you don't need to spend $300 on a
pair of jeans. And no, I'm not going to

spend $2 ,000 on a Labradoodle,
Meredith.

Okay, okay, here's one.

Cozy studio apartment in quaint garden
settings.

That means tiny, damp, and an old lady
died here. I was thinking more along the

lines of this.

Yeah, that means big and expensive, and
you can't afford that. Stephanie, why do

you need two bedrooms?

We returned from Italy.

Me and my mystery man are madly in love.

He moved into my apartment. We convert
the second bedroom into an office and

launch a business importing designer
candies and chocolate.

What if none of that works out? Don't
what if my life away.

I'm 28.

The plan is to be married by the time
that I'm 30. And as far as career goes,

I'm this close to being senior editor.

And you know what? If all of those
things work out, that's great.

I'm just saying, why not appreciate what
you have right now, huh?

You know? I mean, it is okay to live in
an affordable apartment. We're not even

30. And we have time to have the rest of
our life.

Yeah, but don't you want to know how it
turns out?

No. I don't.

You know, I'm having a blast right now.

You're a big part of that blastiness.

Well, I want you to remember that when
we're eating ramen noodles and taking a

butt. In baseball, you recognize that
it's not about the next game or even the

next inning.

It's about the moment. Because every
pitch, every outfielder's adjustment has

meaning. That's why the game is so fun.

Hey, guys, nobody make plans for Sunday,
okay? We're helping Stephanie move.

I'd love to, but I'll be having a bad
back on Sunday.

Hey, guys.

Hey, Bobby.

We're helping Stephanie move on Sunday,
okay? Yeah, cool. I'm in.

Great. Maybe you can invite your
roommate, Jeff.

Um, yeah, I could ask.

All right, I'm just going to come right
out and say it. The guys and I were

talking. Jeff doesn't add up.

What do you mean?

Dude, we know that Jeff doesn't exist.

And don't take this the wrong way, but
you're super crazy. Yeah, man, making

somebody up, I mean, that's pretty out
there. And he should know.

Julie exists.

So does Santa. All right, guys, come on.

Follow me. You guys, I'm sorry.

I know this seems strange, but I had to
hide the fact that I was rich, and Jeff

helped me do that.

Um, I don't understand. Why did you need
to hide that? Because people act

strange when they know you're rich. They
treat you differently.

And it's hard to tell whether somebody
likes you or they like your money.

Come on, man, that's ridiculous.

I'm back!

I got a plan to get me out of
unemployment and back into the

I brought some wings from Chili's to
help us celebrate.

Oh, great, more meat.

Speaking of wings, airplanes.

Speaking of airplanes, money. Speaking
of money, Bobby.

What? My cousin told me about this
business proposition, and evidently it

lose. You ready?

You give me $5 ,000 and we buy a plane.

It'll have four passengers, two flight
attendants, and one pilot. All we've got

to do is sell the seats.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You're buying an airplane?

It's not a real plane. It's a metaphor
plane.

Once we sell four seats, we become
flight attendants. You're worried about

emasculated and you're going to become a
flight attendant?

Who soon will be a pilot.

I don't think I want to be on any plane
you're piloting. It's not an actual

plane. Still, I'd buy a seat on your
plane. Thank you, Andy. Can I have some

tomato juice and a pillow?

Mike. I'm not interested in a pyramid
scheme.

It's not a pyramid scheme.

Wait, is it?

Oh.

You see, this is exactly what I'm
talking about. I don't have any money.

family's money. And when I got out of
college, I decided that I was only going

to live off of what I earned. And I do
that.

Except for your apartment.

Well, it was empty.

And it's free. And it's close to the
out. And I do pay for cable. The point

is... I don't want my family's money
because all it seems to have done is

them up, and I didn't want you guys to
know about the money because it seems to

screw my friendships up, too.

Okay, so that's why I left the other
night, and that is why I made up Jeff.

Hang on. That time that you left the
Cubs game early because Jeff was in an

accident. I had a Newman Foundation
meeting.

And that time you wouldn't let me crash
at your place because Jeff's cousin was

in town? I'm sorry, dude. I didn't want
you to see my place.

In the time I invited you to Savannah's
play?

I didn't want to go.

I respect that.

It wasn't bad.

She really came up that second night.

How about this? How about you tell us
one being rich is awesome story, and I

promise we'll never tease you about
being rich again.

Really? One awesome rich guy story?

Um, okay.

My 16th birthday.

Bowling party at the White House with
the Clintons.

I made out with Chelsea.

Seal sang me happy birthday, and I got a
Porsche.

Oh, my God.

Oh, wow.

That's amazing.

Guys, wait a minute.

You're lying.

In baseball, it's refreshing when a
player who's making millions shuns all

the trappings and plays purely for the
love of the game.

Wait, that was 26. That was 26. Wow.

Come on, I've got to go back.

Lift.

Come on. All right, guys, that's the
last of it. A tank so small.

It's cozy, okay? And more importantly,
it's affordable.

Did I just spot Mr. C -32B direct to
Milan?

How great can he be? He lives in this
building.

Stop.

Hey, by the way.

You said after college you got into some
debt, right?

Oh, yeah. You don't even want to know.

Yes, I do.

Um, $7 ,000?

No.

$100 ,000? Yeah.

We weren't in the same boat. I played
with your boat in my boat's bathtub.

Well, it freaked me out. I come from a
very frugal family.

Yeah, when we go to Italy, I'm going to
make you buy a $700 purse.

Well, it's a little tight, but we fit it
all in there. Thank you guys so much.

Oh, hey, I was going to order some pizza
while you started packing the boxes.

Wait.

Bobby, didn't you say your roommate Jeff
had that thing?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's moving to Buenos Aires, so we're
having a farewell to Jeff party tonight.

told him you guys were coming.

Affirmative. Got to go.

Absolutely. Pete, are you going?

Yeah.

I can help you for a little while, but,
I mean, it's Jeff.

How can you say no to Jeff? You can't
say no to Jeff.