All language subtitles for Monarch Of The Glen s07e03

Right, listen in.

Please.

As you know, I'm not one for making long
motivational speeches, but today is

going to be an exception.

This house has always been our greatest
asset, and now it's going to have to act

like one, which is why I want our guests
to feel like this is their home from

home. Okay?

Any questions?

Just one.

Uncle Donald.

Rob Roy, Robert the Bruce, Archie
Gemmell.

Three men with one thing in common, a
sense of pride.

When things were hard, did they falter?

No.

Did they decide to turn their homes into
boarding houses?

No.

And I think we should follow their
example.

Oh, Molly, surely you can't agree with
this.

Domination. Our home is at stake. I
think Paul deserves our full

Thank you, Molly.

Then I walk alone.

Our guests are going to expect the best.

I want us to give it to them.

Right, we're on.

Mr. Zinchenko, welcome to Glenbogle.

Smaller than I imagined.

Much smaller.

Mrs. Zinchenko, Paul MacDonald, and my
family. We're all here to make your stay

as comfortable as possible.

Well, from what you've told me, I would
say that your future depended on it.

Wouldn't you?

I hope you don't mind.

Victor absolutely insisted on bringing
Yuri.

Well, Yuri's very welcome, too.

Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.

Maybe he only speaks Russian.

Did you know about all this?

I knew he was eccentric.

Here's the deal, Molly. Victor owns spa
hotels all over the world. If we can

prove to him that Glenn Bogle has what
it takes to offer a luxury weekend, he's

willing to consider a partnership.

Nice of him.

What he still needs convincing, though,
which is why his wish is going to be our

command. There you are.

I prepared this for you.

I have certain specific dietary
requirements.

Basically, I don't touch dairy or
anything containing gluten.

And no red meat, obviously.

Obviously.

I'll let the chef know right away.

Victor bought them for me.

There was this wildlife park that was
going out of business.

You know when people buy you a gift that
they really want themselves?

Annoying, isn't it?

Well, that's Victor for you.

Always on the lookout for a bargain.

Forced him to throw in a year's supply
of food.

All right. What does he eat?

The rest of the zoo.

I can see your face.

Oh, there we go.

I'm going to be checking the temperature
first.

Just test it, son.

Here we go.

Do you want to keep a lid on the smug
dad routine, assuming you want me to

him babysitting for you? I never said I
would.

Those deer won't know it's hit them.

No, Paul needs today to be right.

No slip -ups.

No slip -ups.

Oh, go on, then. Yeah, it's going to be
a good day. Dad, do you have to chase

out the door? I'm going, I'm going, I'm
going, I'm going.

Right, jacket.

You were saying something about his lip
up?

Dad?

No matter how many times you look at it,
it always takes your breath away.

86 .2%. I'm sorry?

The number of new hospitality businesses
that fail in the first year is 86 .2%.

Think you can beat those odds?

I hope so.

I don't invest my money in hope, Mr.
McDonald.

So, show us to our rooms.

Certainly. Follow me.

Tofu? Some sort of angular oriental
fish?

Condensed bean curd.

Things are worse than I thought. Not
only is my ancestral home being turned

a glorified bed -and -breakfast
establishment, they're serving bean

Where will it end?

Obese Americans gee -whizzing at the
family's silver? A gift shop?

Please, God, don't let there be a gift
shop. Don't you think they're

overreacting? My dear boy, I never
overreact.

Do I detect a certain frost?

There was an error of judgment.

Yours, I presume.

Though the female ego is a delicate
beast, if you want, buy it. Which I

Situations like this, it is crucial to
maintain one's dignity.

Walk, as they say, on by.

I'll bear that in mind.

Looks like you overdid the top, Hu.

There's definitely no sign of a disc
problem.

Looks like a simple case of acute
muscular spasm.

Easy for you to say.

Laughing through the tears.

Take two of these three times a day. As
much gentle movement as you can. Gentle,

mind you, we can't fight Mother Nature.

However much some of us might like to.

Right.

Goodbye, Cameron.

We engineers of chaos, that's what I
always say, expensive to run,

unreliable, and never a word of thanks
at the end of the day.

Goodbye. Thanks.

Where do you think you're going?

Work. Dad, you told me that this weekend
is important. Paul needs a stalker, not

a liability.

There we go.

Oh, yes.

We call it quality time.

Who are you voting?

Someone who would like to help.

You just sit there, all right?

I can manage.

You're still upset with me, aren't you?

I just heard this thing about honesty.

When I said I was 18, it was for false
benefit.

After that, things got a little out of
hand.

That's one way of looking at it.

So is Zoe talking to you yet? We don't
get a lot of time for talking.

Too busy with grown -up stuff.

I'd expect a 16 -year -old kid to
understand that.

Funny, because last this kid heard, she
was giving you the silent treatment.

Or is totally ignoring you the adult
way, showing affection?

You've been smoking?

They're your lungs.

Hey, did he get all the shopping?

Enough to start a rabbit farm.

Yeah, well, this weekend is all about
giving Victor sweet.

It never pays to accept the missus now,
does it?

Just what we were saying.

You know, I'm really looking forward to
this.

I mean, the whole household pulling
together, everyone with a specific role.

mean, I'm the cook, Donald's the local
colour, you're the... Remind me, what is

it you do exactly that's called out
forever?

Yeah, we can't have you hanging around
looking untidy.

Any ideas?

It's always housemaid.

Housemaid? Can't be serious.

Yeah, a bit of hard work never hurt
anyone.

And since we're still undecided about
school, can you show the ropes?

Believe me, boss, it'd be a pleasure.

How's the hostess with the moustache?

Hurrah! Get, that'll do.

Yes.

Well, actually, there has been a tiny
change of plan.

No way.

Tools of the trade.

We cannae forget this.

You're joking?

It was my mum's. I dug it out specially.

No need to thank me.

Has anybody ever told you how irritating
you are? Thanks for noticing, but I'm

making a special effort for you.

Zoe should thank me.

Seems to me like she had a narrow
escape.

That'd be why she agreed to come over
tonight.

You'd be pleased.

Today of all days.

I hardly think Golly put his back out on
purpose.

With I, he just is quite capable.

Oh, I'm sure you'll muddle through
without me.

You know, I expected Donald to kick up a
fuss.

But I had hoped that you'd be behind me
on this.

Golly needs me.

I can't just ignore a friend in need.

Which leaves me without a hostess.

I mean, I can't expect you and an Amy to
run things.

What about Donald?

Pretend I didn't hear that.

There is someone we haven't thought of.

Oh.

Hi. Sorry.

I just wanted a quick word.

Oh, I didn't think anyone else ever came
here. I mean, I've never seen anybody

here before.

Perhaps you should... Yeah, right.

You know, we've got bathrooms up at the
house.

17, in fact.

Uh -huh.

So do you do this a lot?

Yeah, as often as I can.

It wakes me up.

You should try it.

It's all right with you. I think I'll
sip to the coffee.

Don't you, Soph?

Still?

You don't know what you're missing.

You're not getting a fair idea.

I wouldn't ask if I wasn't desperate.

Flattery will get you everywhere.

So you'll do it?

Well, what if I mess up?

I mean, I'm not a people person, Paul.
I'm a sheep person.

Do they have any sheep?

Not exactly.

It'll just be till Molly gets back.

It's easy. All you've got to do is keep
smiling.

How's that?

Perfect. I used to have a farm in
Africa, you know.

There, Phil.

It could wait for another day, you were
saying?

Harold, you got an apology?

I don't think it's ever come up.

I need to get Zoe back.

Need or want?

About both.

I presume you've tried the usuals,
grovelling two dozen bed roses?

You thought the ratio worked, haven't
you?

This one's going to take more than a few
flowers.

Ah.

Well, in that case, I might be able to
help you.

Hi.

Hi.

Thank you so much for the flowers.

I'd better make a move. Oh, and the fed
baby is in there.

I can manage by myself.

Oh, really?

From where I'm standing, it looks as if
I've arrived in the nick of time.

It's amazing what you discovered during
periods of house arrest.

Now, at the turn of the dial... Picture
the scene.

Two estranged lovers rekindle their
desire with hot water and cold

champagne.

You think she'll go for it?

There's only one way to find out.

I'd like to introduce you to your
hostess, Iona.

Iona will be looking after you today. If
there's anything you need, please don't

hesitate to ask her.

I need signal.

You don't have signal anywhere.

There's a phone just outside in the
hall.

When it's working.

I see Glen Bogle as filling a niche.

A real executive retreat.

Think of it as a haven of glorious
isolation, far away from the daily

Or civilisation.

I assume you still have bathrooms.

Oh, 17.

Yours is just through here.

Oh! Oh, don't mind me. Carry on.

is happening with or without your
blessing. One more trick like that and

out of your ear, family or no family.

A Scotsman's home is his castle, or vice
versa in my case.

It'll take more than idle threats to
dethrone this tartan barnacle.

When I agreed to come, it was on the
understanding that we'd be spending some

more time together.

We will, I promise.

But this is business.

Which comes first?

That does not mean that you don't
deserve a little pleasure. Close your

Close them.

No.

Victor. Anything you want.

Remember that, anything.

You know what I want.

They're waiting for me downstairs, son.

Yes, we will discuss this later.

Molly, there is really no need for any
of this.

This place was an accident waiting to
happen.

I almost even had it ship -shaped. Jess
and I can deal with it later if you

would just sit.

Nonsense.

Something therapeutic about a good clean
clears the air, don't you think?

Uh -uh.

Once smelt, never forgotten.

Let's see if we've still gotten the man.

Oh, little lamb.

So what's he like?

Don't worry, the hat tells me all I need
to know.

How starker.

A woman.

Thank you for noticing.

Oh, I suppose she looks fit enough.

She knows the hill?

Born and bred in the heather.

Magnificent.

Isn't he?

A 16 -pointer. But I don't expect you to
count them.

He took some bringing down, I can tell
you. Best part of a thousand yards.

You shot this?

It was in my younger days, but I claim
full responsibility.

Then this is what I will shoot, too.

You can arrange?

Well, heads like that are very thin on
the ground. I don't see why it should be

a problem.

Good.

Then that is settled.

We start now.

So the gauntlet is laid down. Let's just
hope he's not a poor loser.

an astronaut?

Cosmonaut.

I flew six missions.

I have several records.

That's all I wanted to be when I was a
kid. An astronaut.

Cosmonaut. Yeah, right.

I used to make rockets out of cardboard
boxes, you know, pile one on top of the

other and there was the launch pad.

Yeah, you would not have been suitable.

You know who I always felt sorry for?
That wee dog we sent out there when it

first started.

What was it called? Sputnik.

Like that.

She was Soviet hero, proud to go into
space.

There's not much choice in the matter.

We, uh, we stalk on the land as far as
you can see.

100 head in a good year.

Somebody? Who?

There's nobody here.

Is this the way you plan to treat all
your guests? Just the ones who don't

how to handle a gun.

Look, look, I think there's been some
kind of misunderstanding.

On this estate, we shoot after we start.

Perhaps, perhaps I didn't make that
clear enough from the start.

Yes, I agree. This was not made clear to
me.

So, from now, we will do things your
way.

Here, you can find me something.

back on at five.

And what am I supposed to do in the
meantime?

Well, there's always a lock.

I know this amazing place. No one ever
goes there. Well, almost no one.

You're serious, aren't you?

Unbelievable.

There, I assume you have a laundry
service.

Oh, I'm sure that we can find.

This is going to need washing. It's
Italian cashmere, so... So...

So be very careful.

Hector was just the same when his back
went too much too soon.

And we can't have you getting
dehydrated.

Personally, I'd say it'd do another day
or two.

Yours not to reason why.

You going somewhere?

Just a couple of messages.

I thought we were supposed to be working
together.

We are.

I tell you what to do and you do it.

You hit me!

We all make mistakes.

Is that how rich is he?

Think wildest dreams, then travel it.

It's strange having that much money.

You have to buy anything you want.

Or anyone.

Oh, you think I'm enjoying this?

I don't have a choice. We do this, or
the bank calls in the loans. All of

Things have been bad before, Paul.

Not like this, believe me.

Read them and weep.

Steampointer. Could be our luck's about
to change.

Right, sir.

You're all right here.

You can see my good books.

I like certain people I can mention.

How long are you going to keep this up?

How about the rest of my life?

Do the usual, please, Zoe.

Look, I want to make up to you.

Tonight. Something special.

I'm busy.

Doing what?

Nothing. Nothing.

What are you doing?

Go home.

How special.

It's tiny.

What am I going to tell her?

Whoops.

It's about 300 yards.

Might be a slight drop on the shop.

The wind down there is stronger than you
think. It's coming across here.

Yes, yes, yes. I've done this many
times.

Complete silence, please.

She moved.

She moved and made me miss.

I don't miss.

I demand apology.

It's just that she didn't move.

So now you're calling me a liar in front
of my driver.

No one's calling anyone anyway.

Victor's right.

My elbow slipped as he shot.

I apologise.

I don't miss.

Like you said, we need his money.

And right now, my pride comes cheap.

No, Ewan.

I was hoping you'd rustle up a sandwich
or two.

He's gone out.

Ah, well, here's hoping he took my
advice.

So the course of true love never did run
smooth.

What, you think it's true love?

Not just true like or true good friend?

Well... It's difficult to say.

But you could always ask him.

I could.

But it's not really any more business.

Quite. Quite.

Well, get back to my sandwich.

Oh,

it's you.

I was just looking around.

Whose room is this?

Oh, one of the ghillies has a wee one.

Oh, these.

Beautiful old things.

Yeah, I think it's always been a
nursery. For the family.

You're lucky.

A little boy.

Is it a little boy?

Mm -hm.

You can leave that in the room.

Actually, I came to apologise.

It's ruined?

Have you got any idea how much that
cost?

Well, of course we'll replace it. Well,
from what Victor tells me, I doubt any

of you could afford it.

Oh, just get out.

I'm sorry we couldn't get you another
shot. Your stalker was clearly

inexperienced. I shouldn't have to
remind you that your clients are going

expect the very best.

Mighty hunter's return.

I take it the beast survived to fight
another day?

It was something that I hate to see.

An old stag passed its prime, vainly
struggling to lead his hinds to barren

land. The dead wood must be cut out for
the good of the herd.

Don't you agree?

Yes. We will dine in our room.

I assume you can manage to arrange that.

Of course.

Considering your past performance, you
will forgive me if I reserve judgment.

Extraordinary.

Your Russian friend seems to have lost
his mind. Really?

From where I was standing, it all made
perfect sense.

So he doesn't know what she's missing.

I'm not stupid.

So did it work?

The big apology.

Can I get back to you on that one?

Well, I brought it.

Now what?

You won't be disappointed.

Well, let's hope not, eh?

And, er, love the look.

More tea?

Molly.

Molly, could you do something for me?

Silly me. I forgot.

Time for your pills.

No, not the pills. This. This!

I want you to stop this.

I don't understand.

Cooking and cleaning in my house is just
not right.

But Jess asked me to... Yeah, well, she
should have checked with me first.

Are you saying you don't want me here?

No.

You are welcome in my home any time you
want.

But not like this!

I see.

I thought that's what friends did,
helped each other out.

I see I was wrong.

Hello?

How's my brave soldier?

You think I should be going?

I ordered dinner in our room.

I thought you quit.

Started again.

Imagine living in a place like this.

One family.

Father and son.

Generation after generation.

I understand what you are asking me for.

Really.

And when we married, I promised you
everything your heart desired.

I never go back on my word.

You mean it? Of course.

Can I give you some advice?

Sure.

See when you get yours done, lose the
hat.

He's out with Donald.

Hotel Glenbogle.

Unthinkable.

Well, estates like this have always
changed to survive.

What if they don't survive?

What do you mean?

One day is payday.

Golly, Jeff, you and...

Not even close.

Victor Zinchenko is my last throw of the
dice.

And they don't know about the money.

Surely if you told them to explain the
situation, they would understand.

And they're led.

That makes it my responsibility.

My watch.

Father to son for generations.

And all there was ever after me was to
maintain that tradition.

I don't know, I thought I should let
them all down.

Ooh.

The end, then?

Well... Got my bubbles.

All I need now is my apology.

Well, I would.

But I've always thought that actions
take later than work.

You've got to be kidding.

I'll free!

I'll do wonders for your pores.

Let's get straight.

I'll go in and we're back together.

The way it used to be.

You and me. If that's what you want.

Full privileges.

More than you ever imagined.

Cold?

Good. How do you believe me?

Oh, I believe you, all right.

Doesn't mean I forgive you.

You just said if I go... Ewan, I trusted
you and you made me look stupid.

I just wanted you to know how it felt.

I

told

you I'm fine.

What if I don't think you used the
little brain that you were born with?

I have served the McDonald's for most of
my days.

Aye, and things have changed, Dad,
whether you like it or not.

Molly may be a MacDonald, but she's also
your oldest friend.

Shut her out now and you'll lose that
forever.

If that's what you want, fine.

If not, and if I were you, I'd do
something about it.

Oh!

Well, at least it's original.

Ghost may just get a Porsche.

I know I did.

Done, Hatchell's son.

The good ship, humiliation, and all...

Say, Larry.

I'm not laughing.

Well, why not? It was a magnificent
improvisation. And no woman who wasn't

serious would have gone to such lengths.

All you have to do is go cap in hand and
rub it to your father's brother.

What if I don't want to? Oh, now, now.

Churlishness is very unsportsmanlike.

It's not that.

It's just... I think I like someone
else.

Ah.

Anyone we know... Oh, no, no, no. Full
disclosure is optional. The important

thing is... We are dealing with the
classic love triangle.

And in that case, you must disregard all
my previous advice.

No problem.

The theory is simple. The execution
complex. The trick, in my experience, is

listen to this and ignore this or any
other part of the anatomy that springs

mind.

I should have sensed something was
wrong.

I've tried to help, but all I've done is
make things work. I mean, look at me.

I'm not exactly hostess material, am I?

It's not your fault.

When Jess called, well, let's just say,
I didn't need to be asked twice.

Somehow, when things change, it's easy
to just put your head in the sand and

leave it there.

Oh, no, I didn't mean that he... No, no,
you were right to tell me.

I'm glad Paul felt able to confide in
you.

Sometimes it's easier to talk to someone
that you're not close to.

Of course.

Anyway, the important thing is he needs
our help.

Oh. Well, what exactly did you have in
mind?

Who's this?

The eighth laird of Glenbogle.

Trying to form an alliance with the
English.

What happened to him? Well...

First he was hung, drawn and quartered,
then they dragged his body around the

estate with wild horses, and finally
they just fed him to the wolves.

Charming. He wasn't a very nice man.

I knew they were here somewhere.

If they want the best, then the best
they are going to get.

I have made my position perfectly clear.

No surface.

Inspector MacDonald would stoop to such
a thing.

Even if it means proving yourself
indispensable?

Indispensable?

It occurs to me that any new business
partner is going to want to make

cut out the deadwood, as they say, which
is why I thought you'd jump at the

chance to help.

Considering the likely alternative...
Alternative?

I found this in Paul's office.

He wouldn't dare.

Are you prepared to risk it?

Chambermaid, head chef, and last but not
least, our new maitre d'.

I just want to say something.

This house is not just a roof over our
heads.

It's my home, and I love it.

And thanks to Ken Bogle, Ewan has a
vocation, Amy has a new family, and I

it's time for us all to give something
back.

I know that Donald wants to say a few
words.

Do I?

Oh, yes, oh, yes.

The way I see it...

The old place is calling in her marker.

And to paraphrase an old drinking chum
of mine, ask not what Glenn Bogle can do

for you, but what you can do for Glenn
Bogle.

Tell me, I'm dreaming.

Believe me, from where I'm standing, it
looks more like a nightmare.

Milk and sugar?

They did this?

Oh, that's ruined.

What are you doing?

I thought I might keep it.

Oh, you're crazy, aren't you?

Yes, come in!

Your morning paper, sir.

Oh.

Yeah, it's warm.

I took the liberty of ironing it.

Your breakfast awaits you, sir.

Oh, thank you.

Murder.

No grapefruit to take away.

If he can't order some.

So what do you think?

I'm stoned.

Are we talking about your star?

Yeah, yeah, of course.

How did you, um... Well, it's amazing
what happens when you ask for a little

help.

You got something you want to tell me?

Oh, I get it.

Jamil prayed a bit, Bruce.

Well, if I don't help you out... Let's
see, you made a mistake.

You didn't know when you had a good
thing going.

But now you've seen the error of your
ways, you'd like things to go back to

they were.

Who did I do?

Don't.

I do like you.

That's all.

I don't think it'd be right if we
carried on.

Well, I get it.

Funny.

Considering we got ripped in all.

Sorry.

Do you remember when Archie couldn't
sleep?

That Tuesday I had to drive him round
the estate.

Yeah.

Round and round the loft until the wee
fella drifted off.

When I come down in the morning, they'd
both be dead to the world.

It's funny what sticks in your mind.

You must miss Meg.

Why do I always say the most obvious
things at times like this? Of course you

miss her. Yes.

But I've missed you too, Molly.

Nothing ever stays the same.

People leave us to muddle on.

And we still make a mess of things.

Yesterday, that look in your eyes, it
really hurt me.

You know, I would never do that.

Molly, maybe... Maybe now is the time
for us to...

Forget what we are and remember what we
have.

I like that.

Friends.

So, now we've got that settled, do you
think you could play the family retainer

one more time?

Oh, bravo!

I would like to make a toast.

To the future of Hotel Glimbogo.

And to all those that made it possible.

Can you get a move on?

We're supposed to be rushing for the
rushing.

Just needs the peace of regard.

Amy, I just wanted to tell you that Zoe
and me... Are back together.

I know.

I saw the way you were with her last
night. It's not like that.

Look, I've been thinking about what I
did.

Letting you think that I was, you know,
older.

It's pretty childish, really.

If you see what I mean.

Like, what I'm trying to say is it'd be
a lot more fun if the two of us were

friends.

Don't you think?

Friends? Yeah.

You know, mates, buddies,

game of pool, shoot the breeze, watch
the footy.

Actually, I draw the line at the footy.

So how about it?

Friends?

Sure.

Great. Well, hungry, might as well be.

Mr. McDonald, I would like to thank you
for your hospitality.

Yesterday I asked you if you thought you
had what it took to be a successful

businessman. What I have seen today has
finally convinced me.

Your home is ramshackle and old
-fashioned. Your staff are amateurish,

control over them seems tenuous at best.

However, I am prepared to make you an
offer.

No partnership, just my cash for your
house.

Sorry, wait a minute. This weekend was
about investment.

Your money in my business.

For me to invest my money in such
events, it would be complete madness.

I want you out of my house.

At least... Take a look at what I am
offering you.

What are you doing?

Giving you what I promised.

What we agreed on.

You think I want their home?

We instruments the torture.

I don't know how you can stand it.

How did you know I was here?

Well, it's a lucky guess.

You know, Victor's looking for you.

I thought a man who'd been into space
could take me anywhere.

And it was true.

Victor has given me everything my heart
desired.

Travel, clothes, everything.

Except a baby.

Yesterday I really thought he
understood.

That he loved me enough.

Now I know I was wrong.

I'll be there in a minute

Indomitable spirit, that's what today
was about.

I think we muddled through, but we all
went one better.

Even if it wasn't enough?

All the more reason.

Some choice.

Either way, we lose.

No.

Better a sheep than a lamb, surely.

Yuri, he's gone.

If you've come to apologize...

Thank you.

Some old Swahili line whisperer.

I can make him roll over if you want.

How is

she?

Recovering. Thank you for what you did.

That was nothing. No, it was me who did
nothing.

My wife wants a child.

And you don't?

I tell her I like my life too much, the
money, the travel, but it's not true.

The truth, I was married before.

We had a child together, Tanya.

My ex -wife took her, along with a few
millions.

She used me to get the baby she wanted,
and I swore I would never make the same

mistake again.

All I ever wanted was a trophy wife.

Is that too much to ask for?

You haven't told Katrina all this, have
you?

I can see that you have never married.

I hoped that the money, the gifts, would
be enough to keep her happy.

You see, Mr. McDonald, you should never
invest your money in hope.

Perhaps your wife deserves a chance.

To break my heart, huh?

You love her?

Yes, I love her.

And the way I see it, whatever you
choose, it's still a gamble.

We're better at sheep than at lamb,
surely.

Lamb? Sheep? What the... No McDonald
would ever win only sell this house to

or anyone else.

Looks like we'll have to take our
chances.

Maybe you should do the same thing,
Victor.

I can't talk to you right now. Please,
just listen to me.

There's something I want to tell you.

Her name is Tanya.

She's six years old.

But now she would be Clint.

She's my daughter.

I wish that I had told you.

It's panther dung.

Foxy can't stand it.

I don't have a point.

Who are you, you know? A scrubbed up
look.

Do you have a tire of all this?

Oh no, no way.

I'm a sheep person, remember?

Love me, love my wellies.

I'll bear that in mind.

So are they filling the room?

Busy making little cosminauts.

Look at you. You're a hotel owner, lying
tamer, and now marriage guidance.

If it's all right with you, I think I'll
stick to being a lad.

Why, it must be awful for you.

Still, seeing as you're here...

Friends?

The ultimate dual killer. Yes.

I once had a friend who was a woman.

What happened?

We got married. Oh, it was a very brief
affair.

36 hours, if I remember correctly.

The worst day of the half of my life.

Is this more advice or just a random
trip down memory lane?

Oh, I never give advice.

Useless. A wise man doesn't need it and
a fool won't take it.

Remind me to never talk to you again.

What do you do with him? A local derby
to take him.

Pity, I was getting so attached to him,
I was considering adoption.

Then take again.

Thank you.

So, for three nights plus tip, hmm?

For you.

No, no, no. I can't accept this.

A small price to pay for a second
chance.

But you are a proud man.

Cossack blood, I think, huh?

So you do what you want with it.

A word of advice.

No Cossack ever became hoteliac.

Cosmonaut, maybe.

Well, how much do you have here?

Let's just say we lived apart all the
day. Okay.

Actually, I was thinking of a safari
park.

What would motivate a kidnapper if he
never asked for a ransom?

Gruesome discoveries in Waking the Dead
next on BBC One, while on BBC Three,

David Dickinson and Tommy Walsh go
racing as stars in...

Cars.