All language subtitles for Monarch Of The Glen s06e07

Dearest Molly, greetings from the
Highlands.

I trust this letter finds you in good
health.

Life here is, as ever, busy, busy, busy.

But what of the rest of the family?

Well, our young Laird is capable enough,
obviously.

But he seems a touch preoccupied.

Which I suppose is an inevitable
consequence of bachelorhood.

At his age, if not at mine.

Indeed, I'm beginning to feel something
of an elder statement of Gleb Bodil.

What with your good self otherwise
engaged in the Antipodes, and the

his lady friend off exploring the flesh
pots of the West Coast, such as they

are. As the saying goes, the ravens have
left the tower.

Naturally, young Jet is coping manfully
with the day -to -day business of the

estate.

But I'm sure she's relieved to have an
experienced presence on hand should any

problem arise.

To date, however, I am happy to report
that all is well.

poachers. You know, mainly locals.

But we're not talking about pinching a
grouse with a family pot.

These are organised gangs. They go for a
deer, flog it to meat traders and

restaurants. Well, how many animals have
we lost?

There were entrails in three different
places about a mile or so apart.

Entrails?

They got them on the spot.

Can you handle this, Jess?

You sound like my dad. No, no, this is
serious.

I know it is.

And I know what I'm doing.

You sure?

Yes, I'm sure.

I'm sorry on your way in.

Yeah, you should have said hello.

No, I was going to, but I felt... felt,
felt that it might be a bit daft. You

know, calling after you or something.

Yeah.

So, you dropping stuff off at the
kitchen, then?

Yeah.

So, what are you up to?

Well, I've got to get out of these
clothes.

Right.

I'm in the whiff a bit.

OK.

I'd better be off.

Yeah. I mean, if you think that's best.

Well, if you're going for a shower, you
don't need my help for that, do you?

Bye.

I like your hair.

Thank you.

Not bad, huh?

It's fantastic.

I mean, I know you've been all round the
world. Yeah, I have.

So now when I go somewhere, I can tell
instantly if I'm going to like it.

Then you'll like it here.

Love it.

Oh, come on.

Enough talking.

Get him off.

I beg your pardon?

I'm a bit of a paddle.

Oh, right.

I was not suggesting that we go skinny,
this thing. Dearie me, no.

Because we need to wait until after dark
for that.

A little snack.

Won't come running to me when you get
gout. If I get gout, I won't be running

anywhere, will I?

I'm going to need some of that, Ian.

How come you've all got hollow legs all
of a sudden? I need lunch to go, quick

as you can, OK?

It's a big emergency.

Someone's been poaching him yesterday.

No way.

Boy, to the gun rack.

My brother Hector kept a particularly
trusty shotgun for just such occasions.

He can't just go blazing away at people.

I don't consider these lowlifes as
people.

Donald? Yes?

With my dad away, this is my
responsibility, and I am going to deal

Understood?

I read.

Understood.

Understood.

Good.

How much?

I thought I wanted the washing machine
fixed, not gold -plated.

All right, fine, look, send me the bill,
but try keeping it to one page, all

right?

Hi there, Delia.

Hiya. If you're busy, I can come back.

No, it's all right. Come in.

Come in. It smells good.

Now, try a bit.

It's not quite ready.

That's delicious.

My brand special recipe.

It's gorgeous.

Come in.

Tasty.

What do you think about selling it?

Your family recipe.

Glen Bogle name on the jar. Loads of
places do that kind of thing.

Never really thought about that.

Well, lucky for you, I can be the brains
of the operation.

And a bit of extra money coming in never
hurts, does it?

So many farms fail these days.

Are you saying that I'm a failure?

No, but you're obviously struggling.

I know I'm behind with the rent, but
just by a month.

Two, actually, but don't worry about it.

Tell you what.

Let me write you a cheque.

I don't want your money.

Why not?

No, I mean, you can work something out.

You're not just any tenant, are you?
What do you mean by that?

Well, you know what I mean.

You were there as well.

And?

And that changes things between us.

Doesn't it? So one little kiss and I
don't need to pay you rent anymore.

Well, it was more than a little kiss.

So what are you going to do, take
payment in kind?

Hey, love, I don't need your breath. We
can work something out, nudge, nudge,

after one little kiss.

Well, I'll make sure it doesn't happen
again, then.

Love.

Reward?

Exactly what sort of figures are we
talking about? You're not getting

remember? No, no, but I do take the
occasional constitutional in the

and if I were to come across some
evidence... No, Donald.

I'll even accidentally bump into the
gang and give them a bit of a hiding.

No, Donald.

There's not going to be any physical
violence against the book girl. Because

you're a girl?

No.

Because there are laws.

We are not allowed to use force.

It's a world gone mad.

We're ready to go.

We? I thought I was handling this.

Yeah, you are. Well, I'm coming with
you. I'm in the mood for a rock. Now,

on.

Perhaps you should tell the lad about
your softly, softly approach.

Thank you.

Empty poacher shells.

Back to MacDonald.

Yes.

And they might have heard you, Ben, eh,
Paul?

Oh, not if they're any louder. I'll slow
them down. She was as deaf as a post.

Tell me you're here to install the
satellite dish.

Yeah, no.

Did you see them?

Now, that does sound tempting. We're
actually from Glenbow Golf.

The estate that backs onto this one.

Oh, right, and this is you being
neighbourly. That's very kind.

Thanks, boys.

Well, sadly, there's more to it than
that. There's been some poaching going

in the area.

Really? Here, or just over at
Glenwatsit? That's what we need to find

I'm the acting ghillie, and this is...
Right, in that case, you need to talk to

Stuart. He's the gamekeeper. He'll know
much more about it than I do.

The sale went through last week, and to
be honest, it's been a bit of a rush

even getting the basics sorted out.

It must be hell without sale, I dish.

I'm surviving, but only just.

Look, speak to Stuart, and if it needs
to go to a higher level, have your lad

call me, Lucy Ford.

Well, I'm Paul. I am the... It's lovely
to meet you, but I really do have to get

on.

Sorry, you're not the Stuart bloke. Any
use?

Yeah. Yeah, his dad was a gully too.
Mate of my dad.

Hello there.

Golly's little lappy.

Patience, lass, patience.

That's the key when it comes to the
fishing.

You're that right.

So you mean I can't just go... Like
this.

Hey!

Well, you have been saying I should try
some sushi.

Get you for some proper sushi when I
need, Dave.

Of course, for the really good stuff,
you need to go to Tokyo.

Tokyo.

You must miss it, though.

Travel.

And this being part of a show, being
part of a company on tour, that is just

lesson.

But of course, the quiet life has an
awful lot going for it, too.

Oh, dear, that you know of.

Talking a fair few quid. Have you heard
any problems?

I don't see every animal every day, but
no, nothing.

Could be they're targeting Glenbogle.

Why would they do that?

Because of me, he means.

Because golly's little lassie's in
charge.

Word gets round, female ghillie on the
staff.

I even heard the room of your father was
offered some young dancer.

It's a mini break. They haven't eloped.

I'm only saying what I heard.

I don't want anyone thinking Glenn
Bowles is a soft touch.

Look, they're not going to, Paul.

I'll put a stop to it, don't worry.

If there's anything I can do to help...
No, we don't need to. I appreciate that.

No reflection on you, Jess. It just
makes sense for us all to cooperate.

Aye, it does.

Your dad and my dad were pals.

I'm sure we can work together.

I'll keep you in the loop.

I look forward to it.

I'm surprised, I have to say.

Surprised and disappointed.

I just don't want to get any bother.

There be nae bother. I'm simply
suggesting we do our bit to protect the

but... Well, I shall go it alone.

Wait.

Where are you going today?

I thought I might fire up my old motor
and go for a spin round the woods.

You're not supposed to drive.

Oh, that's what I thought. I'd enlist
your help.

Take a look at the engine. I don't want
her dying on us in the middle of a hot

pursuit. There's not going to be any
almost as good. I'll leave the driving

entirely to you.

I shall simply be riding shotgun.

Honestly, not a moment's rest.

I don't know where to get your energy.

Sorry, I was looking for Paul. And yet
you shouted for anyone?

Well, yeah.

Does it have to be Paul, or will I do?

No, you'll do.

I was wanting to leave something for
him. Who?

Paul. Ah, Paul again.

Yeah? Interesting.

What is it? I was once stuck in a hotel
bar in Mozambique with a terribly dull

psychologist. He gave me a bit of a
crash course. Anyway, if you could just

him this. Certainly, yes. My friend, the
shrink, he would have enjoyed this

little chat.

Yeah, why's that?

Yeah, you'd turn up here calling loud
attention to yourself.

You ask for anyone when it's Paul you
want.

You hand over a letter which you could
easily have posted.

You want to make certain he gets it.
You'd like him to have opened it in

of you so you could see his reaction.

I think you're making a little bit too
much of this.

It's a business matter.

And yet you delivered it personally.

Preceptive guy, was he? Your friend the
shrink?

Oh, hardly.

He diagnosed me borderline delusional.

So, draw your own conclusion.

Marky, can I put this up? Yeah, sure. Go
ahead.

Poachers, is it?

Nasty business for a wee girl like
yourself.

Nothing I can't handle.

Big estate like Limbogle.

Is there a doll's house you're playing
with?

I never had much time for dolls.

Even when I was a wee girl. Is that so?

Bit of a tomboy.

Of course.

There's other words for that these days.
Eh, boys?

Yes.

Mr Cooper, isn't it?

Tam Cooper.

Aye.

My dad always says he can't believe how
well you do with the dice.

Is that so?

Aye. You'd be the most you can count at
the bottom.

I'll mention that to your dad next time
I see him.

I hope I'm there when you do.

Okay. If you hear of anything, you can
call the office or the police in

confidence.

This is bad for the estate.

And that's bad for all of us.

Unless you're doing a man's job, that's
what's bad for the estate. You're a

joke, darling.

You can call me

all the names you like, Mr Cooper.

But don't call me darling.

No, no, not seen her, no.

Are you okay?

Me? Oh, I think never better, yes.

Thank you for asking.

What are you up to, Donald?

Isabel. And what about her?

Isabel was here.

She left this for you.

If there's a problem, perhaps you could
pop down and see her.

Unbelievable. She's paid her rent and
three months in advance.

Which is a bad thing because... Because
you can't afford it. Ah.

Well, she's only doing it, so I won't
turn up demanding payment in kind.

Well, I know you're the laird, but I
think that sort of thing is frowned upon

these days.

What? I'm not really going to go around
there and... There's a young lady

present. I'm not going to be present for
long, Donald. I'm going out on patrol.

Right, I'm coming with you.

Paul? No, Jess, I'm coming with you.
Nothing you can say will stop me. So,

what's the plan?

I thought the farm would be a good place
to start. Which farm?

Isabel's farm.

Fine. In which case, I'll meet you at
the East Glen.

Do you do venison?

Yes, sir.

It's pan -fried and served with a port
reduction with shallots and a nest of

potato.

And when was the beef killed, do you
know that?

Killed, sir?

Yeah, killed.

And moreover, was it butchered on site
or was it carried across the country

its innards still in sight?

I really don't have that kind of
information at my fingertips, sir.

Don't you?

Now, a chef may have a better idea.

I think you should go and ask him,
Golly.

I think you're right, lass.

When it comes to venison, you need to
know where you stand.

Through here, is he?

Hey, how are you?

I'm fine, I'm fine, yeah.

Really?

Yeah, yeah, I am available. Hang on,
I'll just grab a pen.

So far, I've been called darling, a wee
lassie, a girl.

What is wrong with the men round here?

A bunch of neanderthals that think
they're women's places in the kitchen.

Can't think where they get that idea
from.

We've got enough of this stuff to fill a
supermarket.

Yeah, well, you don't make one jar at a
time, you've got to make a whole big

batch.

So, what's Paul been saying to it?

Nothing. It's just that our great noble
laird was saying that we should go into

the relish business together.

It's a ridiculous idea.

I wondered why he was in such a mood
this afternoon.

Don't want to hear about it.

What does he say?

Not much.

But then he has a guy.

He's not going to say what's on his
mind, is he?

God forbid.

So are you and him sort of... No.

Not at all.

I wasn't sticking my nose in. No, no.

It's nice to have someone to chat to,
actually.

Needs a change.

Tell me about it.

I've always, always, always got my dad
and his girlfriend around.

Well, if you ever fancy escaping.

You know, I've got a wee spare room
going here.

I don't need to take you up on that.

You might have to put up with me bending
your ear every now and then.

No.

It's good to say things out loud to
someone.

It might help me to get them straight in
my own head.

Jess?

Welcome!

What, in broad daylight?

The diversion.

I've heard of gangs starting actual
fires before, but not this.

They're messing with us. We need to get
after them.

I feel like I'm with you, even the odds.

No, we'll manage, thanks.

We're not managing it, are we, Jess?

I mean, they're out there now, stalking
our animals. If Stuart's willing to

help, I'm going to let him.

Right then, let's move.

Come on, come on.

Stupid old heap.

Don't talk about my car like that. I
wasn't talking about the car.

Very nice.

Sir, madam, the ideal accompaniment for
your dinner.

Yeah, I saw that one on the list. This
is at the chef's pleasure, madam.

He's delighted to be cooking for a true
connoisseur of Highland cuisine.

You tell him thanks very much.

Thank you, sir.

I could get used to this going on
holiday business.

I think you're a natural.

No.

No, I'm not.

If it wasn't for you, lass, I wouldn't
be here.

Thank you.

You are very, very welcome.

There's

no

shame in this, Jess. I'm just another
pair of hands.

When your dad was alive, did he ever ask
my dad for help?

He was too proud to ask anyone for
anything.

Well, maybe I'm too proud as well,
Stuart.

I was just... Paul, we're on the trail
over.

Which position?

Near Campbell's Crag. Head that way and
we'll cut them off.

Jess out.

Jess, you could get hurt.

So could they.

Jess. It's okay.

We've got the element of surprise on our
side.

Lower it, Dad.

Lower it.

What are you going to do with that? I
told you I was riding shotgun.

Steady, huh?

Hold it steady.

Say break.

Donald, what are you doing? Thanks.

Jet,

you okay? Have you broken anything?

No, I'm fine.

Go! No, we're coming down to help.

You all right?

I wish people would stop asking me that.

You could have done yourself some real
damage over a deer.

Stuart, it's a matter of principle.

Do you not understand?

No, I don't.

I'll be in touch.

OK, thanks, Stuart.

Do we need outsiders to fight our
battles? I could have given those

buckshot sandwich, if not for a small
ammunition problem.

The shells worked perfectly.

They were dummies.

They were my brother Hector's special
anti -pottery shells.

Yes. Given to him by my dad because he
knows what McDonald's are like when

blood's up.

You can't shoot at people, Donald. Even
poachers.

And who gave you permission to take that
vehicle?

His car wouldn't have stopped.

His car?

What do you mean, his... Right, get in
the vehicle. I'll deal with you two

later. You do it, myself.

Your breakfast, sir. Brilliant.

Thank you very much.

Enjoy your breakfast.

Hiya.

This is a very pleasant surprise.

Me and the manager are the best of pals.

Is that right?

Those of you who are thinking of going
back in September on a fortnight.

Golly. It's OK.

We can go somewhere else.

But if it makes them a bit eager to
please... Now, listen.

I need to tell you something.

What? I got a call last night from a
pal.

He's entertainment director on a cruise
ship.

And one of his dancers is Popter
Achilles, so...

He wants you to cover for her.

He wants me to take her place.

And it's a 12 -month contract. I mean, I
know it's not exactly Broadway, but it

is dancing. Oh, it sounds... It sounds
really exciting.

Because she'd have told you earlier.

We were just having such a good time.

I still will.

I'm pleased for you, Meg.

Really? Really.

Thank you.

Right. Donald, you were in the army for
about, oh, five minutes.

You know what the term confined to
barracks means?

It was a phrase I became all too
familiar with.

Good. Then you can explain it to Ewan
and we won't have any more insanity like

we had last night.

You put yourselves at risk, as well as
the rest of us.

I mean, what if the gang had decided to
return fire, hmm?

What then?

I'm sorry, Paul. It won't happen again.

You're damn right it won't.

Donald? We were rash.

I apologize.

Good. You can go now.

Walter.

Walter, how are you?

I've been just, uh...

Hubba

hubba.

Good morning, and, uh, what can we do
for you today, miss?

Lucy Ford.

Right back at you.

I'm looking for the Laird.

Of course you are.

He's over there.

Good morning.

I'm delighted to meet you.

Likewise, obviously, but I'm not.

You'll never know how it pains me to say
this, but the man you want is.

Hi there.

You. I know. It's hard for all of us to
believe. Thank you, Donald. You can go

now.

Both of you?

Paul Bowman.

Lucy. Good to meet you.

Again. Clean slate, starting from now,
then. Clean slate.

Excellent.

Perhaps you'd like to come over for a
drink this evening?

A party. I mean, cocktail party.

Not just you and me, obviously, because,
well, that would be weird, wouldn't it?

Okay, great. Yeah, I'd like that. And
will you be bringing a date?

I'm not prying, it's just, you know, I
need to know numbers.

No, not a day.

Good, fine.

Do you think I could ask you a favour?

Fire away.

It's just, if I'm going to ask them for
our other neighbours, it would be useful

to have someone with me to know the lie
of the land.

Well, I suppose I could spare an hour.

Brilliant.

I saw a small farm just up the road.

We could start there.

Yeah, that seems like as good a place as
any.

Poachers, Molly, would you credit it?

Our initial attempt to combat these
lowlifes didn't quite pay the dividends

would hope for.

I am confident, however, that plan B
will be far more successful.

Come

on,

Jess.

What to be done yet?

How long have you been after them? About
an hour.

They're out here in the middle of the
day doing what they like.

Shh!

Stuart? Shh!

No, Stuart, I won't. Is that gun loaded?

Well, it wouldn't be much use otherwise,
would it? Stuart!

What are you doing?

You don't walk around with loaded guns.
They do.

And that's what makes them them and us
us.

I wasn't thinking. Are things that bad?

Am I so horrible? Poplar, that even
other gillies think it's a good idea to

wander around my estate with loaded
guns.

I'm so pitiful. You think you need to
break every rule in the book?

No, Jen. Yes, Dewar.

It's open season at Glenbogle. Anyone
can do what they like. It's open season!

I'm sorry.

I thought I was helping.

It's okay.

It's not your fault, not really.

Good job.

No, no, I would love to come.

So what is it, formal, casual?

Well, any excuse to get dolled up.

I'll see if I can find a little number
somewhere.

Or you could just wear your new hat.

Yep, not a new hat. It's for my
scarecrow.

And you're wearing it just one last
time.

Well, we should get going.

Paul's kind of showing me around.

That's very nice of him.

I'm happy to help anyone.

Anyone will let me.

You see?

Now, this is exactly the sort of
attitude I was hoping to find when I

here.

Is everyone this good -natured?

No.

No, I'd say Paul's a bit special.

So, I'll see you both tonight, then.

Yeah, I'm so looking forward to it.
Yeah, me too.

This time next week, I'll be sailing to
Croatia.

Don't even think that was the country
when I started dancing.

You said you'd already seen the world
there.

Well, turns out there's a bit more of it
to see.

Not even the travel, really.

It's just the thought of dancing again.

You'll have a great time.

They're amazing, you know that?

Most guys I've known, they didn't take
my career seriously at all.

I don't know anything about show
business, Lars, but I do know that you

stop people doing the thing that they
love.

Well? No way. You heard what Paul said.

Oh, you know, Paul's a stout enough
fellow, but the military ruined him.

You and I, we're mavericks, independent
spirits.

I'm not listening.

What sort of man gets the girls, Ewan?

The honest squabby happily doing his KP
duty or the dynamic covert agent?

No, I'm not doing it.

Not even for girls. Then do it for
Glimbo.

They're roaming across this place,
striking wherever it takes their fancy.

Doesn't it make your blood boil to think
of them despoiling our home?

Home? Yes.

I thought this was just one big jail
cell to you.

Oh, well, I do have many conflicting
emotions about Glenbogel, Ewan. You'll

it here, you no -con.

One thing I've never felt for this place
is contempt.

I'll not allow anyone else to treat it
with contempt either.

No guns this time?

No weapons at all, save a razor -sharp
mind or two.

Amen. Excellent.

I shall need a dead fish.

I got a PC calendar fact over the
details of any poaching reported in the

ten years.

See if there was anything in common with
ours.

Good idea.

Yeah. Just... I'm going to spend a bit
of time going over everything.

Maybe something will affect me.

OK. I'll give the party a miss.

There's no need.

It's going to be better than one.

Isn't that what you said about Stuart?

Sorry.

But because we...

I asked for his help.

He thinks it's OK to walk about the
estate with a loaded gun.

You're joking.

I'll have a word with him.

No, I've taken care of it. Look,
Stuart's not the problem, Paul.

He's a good guy.

It's just I feel like ever since this
thing started... Everyone's been

interfering.

Mainly me.

You're the laird, Paul.

Yeah, but a good laird knows when to
trust his people.

OK.

You take the lead from now on, Jess.

Okay. Then go to your party. If I come
up with anything, I'll let you know.

All right.

Hey.

Good luck with it.

Thanks.

Incident number one. Evidence.

One bullet.

Hey.

Something leaped out at me.

Something bold was required in order to
flush those beggars out.

Bold yet cunning. It was time to put
Plan B into action.

That'll do nicely.

Come on, then.

So there we are, out on this drive, all
perfectly innocent, and all of a sudden

the car is surrounded by military
police.

My father has only told them this poor
lieutenant has gone AWOL. Poor

lieutenant? He knew exactly what he was
doing. You do not go out with your

field's daughter.

It was no fun being me, honestly.

I mean, I had friends who complained
about overprotective fathers, but mine

could mobilise NATO to stop me going on
a date.

Of course, my father is retired now, so
I pretty much date him everywhere.

Hello. Have some bubbly.

Hello. Sorry, excuse me.

You made it. When was this?

You look fantastic.

Yeah. Yeah, you do.

Thank you.

Can I get your drink? Champagne, okay?

Perfect. Same again? Yeah.

Okay, so what's your story?

Sorry?

Six -six wives?

Alcoholic? No.

Gay?

Not strong enough.

I can't believe he's single.

I mean, when he said there was no one in
his life, I thought, well, there's got

to be some cat.

Is that what you said?

No one.

Well, something along those lines, yes.

Why? Do you know something different?

No, no, of course not. There you are.

Thank you.

You know, Paul and I have an awful lot
in common.

Ex -army. Army brat.

Well, I'd better leave you to the chat.

Oh, it's OK.

It's a party pole.

Got a mingle.

Darling, do you want a tea?

No, I'm fine.

So,

dear Molly, imagine the excitement.

Ever vigilant, my trusty sidekick kept
watch as I prepared to stride boldly

the lion's den.

Yes, it used to be an undercover
operation. and for any chance of success

this venture, I had to blend in
seamlessly.

To fight the heavy...

all day and night. Worth it, though.

Plenty of game out there if you know
where to look and you don't mind bending

the rules a wee bit.

Have a seat.

I don't mind if I do.

What shall I do?

A man has to earn a living.

I've never seen a porter that looks like
you before.

You look like a clown.

That's how I keep the polis and the
gillies off my trail.

They don't take me seriously.

Next thing they know, there's half a
herd missing.

Do you follow?

I'll get you, all right.

What do you say to a dram?

I'll have a malt.

I'll hear what a good man like yourself
gets up to around here.

Two single malts, landlord.

Evening, Mr Macdonald.

Good evening.

How are things at Glenbogo?

Still got the poaching problem, have
you?

Thank you very much for your concern.
We're handling it now.

Shut your trap.

Not paying for these, Mr. McDonald.

I had no idea there were so many
varieties of trout.

Oh, yes.

There's the rainbow, the stocked brown,
the wild brown.

And, of course, my mother -in -law.

Right, I think I'll go and get us
packed.

Now?

We should enjoy our last night here.

Yeah, well, I want to make an early
start this morning.

OK.

You know, you could always fly out to
one of our stopovers.

Maybe. I'll be in Sicily in August.

Grouse season.

Greece in November.

That's when we start getting ready for
the winter.

Christmas, then.

We're doing this Christmas in the fjord
special. No.

No.

I'm sorry, Meg.

I want you to be happy.

With that leaf.

Not for me.

I'm sorry, lass.

Back off, brothels! That's what I say.

I'm just going to chase down another
drink.

It would be a great party, but... No,
no, no, no, no, no. You are not leaving.

The fun's only just started.

I don't know what you're serving dinner.

Yeah, I'm not.

Chester, what on earth are you doing
here?

Missing a half -decent party, by the
looks of it.

I thought you weren't arriving until
next week. I left about six messages on

your mobile.

Battery's flat and I can't find the
charger.

Why exactly do I keep you on as my PA?
Because I'm the only one who didn't quit

after six weeks.

PA? Are you actually on that?

Oh, um, did I give that impression?

I'm sure she never meant to.

Right. Ladies and gentlemen, please
allow me to introduce myself. I am a man

wealth and taste.

Not big on her own, is she?

Sympathy for the devil.

Correct.

I love this thing, but I've got to get
honest, mate, or I'll carry it around

everywhere. Right.

Yeah, it might after a while, yeah.

Right. OK, well, I'm Chester Grant, and
I'd like to welcome

you all to this... Housewarming?

If you like.

Housewarming. I hope it will be the
first of many pleasant evenings, and

all become friends.

Good friends.

Champagne!

Jess, you in there?

Yep.

Yep, come on in.

Look, I know you were down before.

Oh, I'm over that.

In fact, I've got a plan.

Is that so?

Going to fill me in?

Yeah.

Yeah, if you like.

Here you go.

No, no, no, no, for me, no.

So, what does anybody do for beer around
here? Well, there's heavy, 80

shillings. Aha!

Mate, my 40 shillings were a thing.

I'll have half a beer.

I'm sticking to bubbly.

Looks like the bubbly's sticking to you.

What's that supposed to mean?

Nothing, nothing at all.

Good.

So, Chester, tell us all about yourself.

Chickens. Do I make my money? Oh, God.

Cheers.

19 million pre -packed drumsticks a
year.

They were not all organic. I sold up.

I made a good price, though.

Check it. It's about the organic farmer.

No.

We don't look too bad, do we? No, thank
you.

Nice. We'll get used to this.

So, um...

50 quid on a game or a frame or a set or
whatever you call it? You don't know

the rules, but you want to bet money.

Yeah, it's sort of a place like this you
need to make your own excitement, eh?

Oh, but you would be surprised what goes
on in a place like this.

Oh, really?

Ignore it, Chester. It's the champagne
talking.

No, it's not.

You see, Chester, at Lambeauville we've
got the black sheep uncle who's here

under house arrest.

And then we've got the new laird who was
born the wrong side of the blanket.

Well, I've heard all these stories
before, so if you'll excuse me, I'm

get some fresh air.

I'll go with you.

That's your game, then.

OK.

Practically all our deer are at the
South West feeding station.

Paul and I can stake those out.

There is a handful in Fir Tree Glen, but
the gang won't spot them there.

You've got it all worked out.

Yeah, yeah, I have.

You get back and look after your own
estate.

If you're sure you can cope without me.

I'm positive.

Still friends, though?

Actually... I'll see you there.

Yep.

Are you sure?

Your mate from the pub jumped in the
passenger seat and that lands over in

door wall.

Now I'm in Jessa.

I can't do anything.

Right.

What are we going to do?

Can I tell you a secret?

Sure.

I have been in agony all evening.

Your shoes.

No, I've worn them half a dozen times
and they still hurt. They aren't shoes.

They're cruel and unusual punishment.

There you go, Cinderella.

I'm not big on fairy tales.

No.

Me neither.

I think you have to work hard for what
you want.

Does that sound really unromantic?

No.

Actually, it does.

Some of the evening, on a terrace with a
really quite handsome man and...

Here I am, ruining the moment.

You're doing all right.

Am I?

Yeah.

Sorry.

Sorry, that was inappropriate.

And too much champagne, I think.

It's fine.

Yeah, I think it's that side.

Yeah, they're right here on the terrace.

Jeff? You ready to go and catch some
pork, Jeff?

Yes, I'm up for it.

Sorry, Chester.

This is Glen Bogle business.

I've really got to go.

Sorry.

It's OK.

We're neighbours. I'm sure we'll bump
into one another again.

Excuse me.

Have fun.

Well, girls, more faith?

I think I've had enough champagne.

Oh.

However, you want to crack open a bottle
of malt?

Come in, Paul.

Over.

I'm here. Over.

So are they.

Right by Fir Tree Glen.

Over. I'm on my way.

What have I told you about carrying guns
in my estate?

I told you this was no job for a lassie.
No, that's enough.

Like I said, Stuart, I don't need your
help.

There's no jail in me.

You okay, eh? Nothing I can't handle.

Go get him.

All right.

Why?

Your family have been gillies for
generations.

Not everyone wants to be like their dad.

It doesn't make it okay to betray their
memory, though, does it? Or the people

you work for.

Or your friends.

I'm sorry.

I owed a lot of money.

I had some bad luck on the day.

To him.

He's a cheat, Stuart.

Make sure you let the rest of D -Wing
know that.

Don't you?

Here's your big chance.

My big chance.

Stop.

Are you familiar with Pai Mai's White
Lotus Shanghai technique?

It's the second oldest form of unarmed
combat known to man.

Oh, aye.

I wish they all this way.

Relax,

lad. I'm sure Paul appreciates our show
of initiative.

Are you in a lot of pain?

Yeah.

I appreciate it very much.

Beautiful at this time of the day.

I've lived my whole life with this view.

I'm still never tired of it.

I do love this place you look like.

It's not enough, though, eh?

Don't be angry with me.

I'm just sick to death of people running
out on me.

The whole world's in that view, Meg.

It's got everything you'll ever need.

All you have to do is open up your heart
to it. I want to.

All the way back in the car, I wanted to
say something.

Well, say it now.

I love dancing, okay?

Even cheesy cabaret in a boat, I'd love
it.

And it's probably the last chance I'll
have.

But I just don't want to go.

I want to stay here.

With you.

Where have you been? Oh, catching
porches.

What do you mean?

Relax, golly.

It's all taken care of.

Just sorted them out.

Well done, lads.

You should get yourself a webcam.

Isabel sleeping.

Utterly fascinating.

Why, what was I doing?

Dreaming.

Walking.

Give me some gives her a very hard time
by the sound of it.

Oh, dear.

Sorry about that.

No, no, it was very entertaining.

Sounds as if something's not working
out.

But, you know, one door closes, another
one opens.

Or in my case, the very fine filigree
set of Jacobean cake.

Right, then.

Oh.

Enjoy. And you can keep on my sofa any
time you like.

Thanks. I hope mine's a full English.

No.

He's a warning person.

Yeah.

Unlike you, you really come alive at
night.

Do I? Yeah.

We had a lovely chat.

You said we should hang out and you
wished me luck with Paul.

Remember?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it's all starting to come back to
me now.

So, tell me about the hotel.

A quarter -party pool.

Right.

I was enjoying myself.

Ah!

Yay!

A pot of brandy, Ewan.

I was drinking way too much to drink
last night.

I could say that, yeah.

I wanted to apologise.

There's no need.

Oh, I brought a piece for a friend.

What's that?

Oh.

Relish. That's what it is.

Well, I thought you should all try a bit
if we're going to put Len Vogel's name

in the jars.

Indeed. I thought you weren't keen on
that idea.

It's a lady's prerogative to change her
mind more, and this is delicious.

Oh, I know.

He's right for once.

That's great.

No business then?

Here we are.

Yeah.

Yeah, we are. Yay!

Well,

I get a rent rebate when you're a
millionaire.

I wish.

Look, I've decided to take a room down
at the farm.

I'll give you guys a bit of privacy.

Oh, if you're sure.

Yeah, I am.

No offence, golly mate, but you're like
a million years old. Oh, thanks.

How come you've got a wee love nest and
I've not?

There's no need to upset yourself, boy.
You're not the only bachelor around

here, you know. What about me?

And Paul?

You're even older than him.

And Paul's doing all right, aren't you,
boss?

Oh, has the lad an admirer?

That sexy wee myth board from down the
road. Oh, no.

He's blushing, man. I need to go.

Bye. Bye.

Stay for a bit.

I'm sorry it's time over.

I've been in touch.

We need to talk really soon.

Yeah, OK.

Bye. No, no, no, I tell a lie. It was in
Montevideo, right in Montevideo.

And he was called Cheerful Charlie
Chuck. But his Chuck, he was called...

and the tango dancer are now living in
sin, and backstairs gossip has the laird

setting his cap at our new neighbour.

Such tittle -tattle wouldn't normally
interest me.

But apparently, the young lady's boss is
blessed with an excellent cellar and a

generous nature. I anxiously await an
invitation to sample both.

Yours ever the romantic, Donald.